Secrets of Vibing (What to Say to Vibe in Conversation)

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hey there it is I your probe for the oh boy Jeffy here today in Copenhagen Denmark and today I'd like to get things started off and right off the bat and that's because today's topic it's a pretty complicated one and that topic is vibing when you're out meeting people you know this is a topic that I get questions and emails about all the time asking me to elaborate on this particular subject let's face it it is pretty widely misunderstood so what is vibing well it's got several different definitions that some would call it fluff talk and kind of consider it to be no better than nonsensical filler and yeah that's is true to a certain extent there is that aspect to it and we are going to discuss that at length but there is a deeper more ephemeral meaning to it as well before we begin understand that all this stuff is based on the combined in field experience of many of the best guys ever done it and this has all been collated over a period of many many years and distill down to genuine practical advice that literally anyone can use to see immediate improvements in their ability to meet people their ability to socially interact and to consistently generate win-win scenarios that lead to any outcome that they might actually want so like and subscribe if that's something that might interest you because I'm bringing you the truth about this stuff every single week now it's a well documented fact that verbal communication comprises only a small fraction of your communication as a whole right in reality we communicate mostly through nonverbal means and one part of this are these so called channels of sub communication so vibing what is it it's simply a non goal-oriented conversation that's designed to simply enhance the emotional state of the participants that's it and by being while having a verbal component to it it also sub communicates many different things and a large part of social intelligence is the ability to speak in this so-called vibe sub communication and the only way to improve this intelligence to improve this understanding is through massive repetition of social interaction now this is of course why we always say experience is king because people without real world experience they freak only miss calibrate the vibes that they're sending out and a lot of times you'll see guys that miss calibrate their romantic vibe and consequently these guys come across as creepy or desperate or weird etc etc you know these are the ones who will start touching too much too early or conversely too little too late and the interaction and is what ends up going nowhere but as people gain experience they get a better understanding of the correct way to synchronize with the vibe now sometimes even people with more experience a little more advanced guys can find it difficult to catch that vibe and sync up with it and we refer to this as you know having an off-night or stalling out where you can't think of anything to say typically I feel that this is usually caused by filters of insecurity in the person's head and these are filters that get installed over the years as defense mechanisms against ego bruising and I talked about these at length on this channel before some examples of filters of insecurity would be self monitoring not existing in the present moment having a need to impress other people paranoia etc etc and if these things aren't shut off then it becomes nearly impossible to vibe dynamically with other people the entire interaction is gonna see him kind of stilted kind of awkward and like I said even more experienced people can kind of succumb to these filters of insecurity from time to time I mean after after all they result from years and years of negative societal conditioning and they realistically can't be expected to just you know quietly go away because you got a few nights out on your belt but fortunately there are ways to defend against these filters of security taking over your vibe now one of these ways is humor right humor is a great way to shake off those filters started living in the moment so if you're just joking around with your friends in the club just clowning around having a good time that is almost guaranteed to change your state likewise there's this idea that motion creates emotion if you physiologically prime your state by consciously identifying like tension holding patterns in your body methodically releasing those make sure you're breathing is rhythmic make sure you're breathing deeply not shallow loosen up move slightly to the rhythms in the environment avoid stiff mannerisms put a little smirk on your face look around ask yourself what's cool about this place what's cool about this environment right now another tactic I like to employ is what we call the warm up like when I first enter the club I'll approach several groups of people that I have literally zero vested interest in talki knew my people I would normally have zero motivation to approach why because then there's no stakes it doesn't matter so this helps me get into a talkative mood where I'm more externally centered and as such I'm able to pick up better on the vibe so now that we discuss some of the more esoteric aspects of my being let's get down to the brass tacks and examine some of the technical nuts and bolts as I said earlier many people have a problem vibing why because they simply run out of things to say and this is caused by again a lack of experience on the one hand and on the other an excess of self judgment and an excess filtering of their ideas because they've got this desperate need for it to be good this desk we need to impress the people that they're speaking to as opposed to simply letting go and allowing the things that you personally find interesting to kind of float up to the surface of your mind and then you just express them very freely so let's talk about a couple practical points to remember first off don't talk about any one thing too long and try to smoothly segue from one topic to the next understand that this whole vibing process is largely one of topic Association right I always tell people free association is the biggest tool in your vibing toolkit and one thing that will help you go out and challenge yourself in any conversation to find either a a story or an interesting bit of information an anecdote or even something remotely or tangentially related to the topic at hand and then just go and vibe off that so a great exercise that you can play is that the Association game where for example if I say the word elephant you'd have to come up with a story that relates to this now you might be watching this you're thinking huh elephant I'm kind of stumped there's nothing that I can think of that relates to elephants we that's obviously not true that's obviously ridiculous like right off the top of my head thinking right now there's elephant ivory Africa hunting tusks zoos the Republican Party Dumbo never forgets circus peanuts what was safari wild animals now if you can't think of anything to say relating to any of those topics then you got to work on your creative capabilities and this is one reason why people like artists and musicians or writers actors why these people are often so good at social interaction because they've got wildly creative minds they can talk about things for hours you gotta understand people love folks who've got something to say it's like what is game what is it what does that mean well put simply everybody's bored so give him something different to talk about and then make it easy for them to go with you and not feel guilty or weird about it so anyway as you converse with other people try to be aware of all these potential topics that you can spin off of and again furthermore be aware of the ones that are gonna serve your needs best that is the ones that are going to direct the conversation towards themes of connection themes of intimacy whatever the case may be that you're striving for now another crucial aspect of IDing is the element of timing so let's say you got some comment that might be incredibly powerful or hilarious at one point this same comment might be totally worthless even five seconds later and sometimes you'll see this guys will latch on to some topic that a woman is discussing because he's got this great remark and then they'll basically stop listening to what the girl saying why because he's just waiting for a break in the conversation so he can unleash his little witticism you have to understand a spontaneous relevant comment will always be more powerful than even a great comment that's past its shelf life and one big breakthrough for me was learning that you know if I have some great comment and the person kept talking and just moved on to a different subject it was very often better to just let it go and I know from personal experience this can be tough especially when it's a real good quip so it's a real killer comment but it absolutely must be done if you want to keep in sync with otherwise you end up looking tryhard and you end up looking low-value for lack of a better term so always use your value excuse me so always use your vibing skills wisely try to consciously steer the conversation away from negative topics like politics war your grandmas warts and move them towards those themes that I mentioned before that are gonna put them in the state that you want them to be in again themes of intimacy connection etc remember vibing is the most potent weapon you have near arsenal of conversational skills so take pains to develop it through diligent fieldwork and you will reap the benefits of course you know it's going to take time when I personally first decided to make that change and get this part of my life handled I kind of floundered around at it for years without much success like literally about maybe out a year and a half up to a couple years and it wasn't until I met up with some very gifted individuals in person that my personal game started to take off by leaps and bounds so what's the bottom line here well I'm sure that given enough time I would have eventually figured most of this stuff out of my own not all but most but it turns out that wasn't necessary and it's not necessary for you either why because there exists conveniently a shortcut I'm of course talking about the real social dynamics flagship program known as the boot camp and in this live in field coaching weekend we bring the full force of all of our professional experience all of our professional knowledge to bear undercurrent sticking points so like kemo them out of your existence and this level Frank being very frank here this level of professional coaching it is not available anywhere else we were the first to do it we've been doing it ever since 2003 and many people have tried to replicate it sense but frankly again none have come close now a lot of the things I teach on the boot camp these are things that people thought were impossible initially we give people the experience of doing things that they thought were impossible and that's where the freedom is the freedom comes in when you liberate yourself from limitation so find out what I'll be in a city near you and I'll see you out in the field until next time hang in there get out there and make the myths [Music]
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Channel: Jeff Allen Charisma Mastery
Views: 44,871
Rating: 4.9218421 out of 5
Keywords: jeffy, jlaix, jeff allen, meeting women, online dating advice, dating advice for men, relationship advice, how to get a girl to like you, how to ask a girl out, flirting, how to meet girls, how to get a girlfriend, conversation
Id: nm8ah6s_ULY
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 11min 16sec (676 seconds)
Published: Wed Aug 21 2019
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