Sarah Millican Reveals Her Favourite P*rn Category | Control Enthusiast | Universal Comedy

we do watch a lot of films watched Iron Man when it was on the Telly not long ago if you don't know it Iron Man is a superhero film it's not really my cupy but I do quite like Robert Downey Jr in a white vest tick yeah so partway through the film I lent over to my husband and I went you should get a white vest and he oh would you like that I was like yeah I think I would he was like maybe I'll get a white Fest then and then later on the film something technical happened and they needed to fix it with tools and I lent over to my husband and I went you should get a tool belt and he went would you like that I was like yeah I think I would he was like I'll get a tool belt there and then I entirely forgot my train of thought and I went oh then you could do that big list of jobs I've got I think that's my ideal porn film is just the fixer not the [ __ ] just the fixing not the [ __ ] I'd love to watch one where you fixes his washing machine and then just leaves cuz he's got another job on the washing machine works for years and years and years oh you booger just the fix and not the [ __ ] and that's what I want to be that's what Jimmy savil should have stuck with as well but anyway it's a great reaction you laughed and you clapped and you oo all at the same time that's very impressive well done but I think when you've been in your couple for a while you do develop kind of Shand don't you kind of cord for things things that you guys would understand within your couple but maybe others wouldn't uh I'll give you an example a lot of couples seem to me to have a short hand for letting their partner know that they fancy some sex that night now before I start the tour do a series of previews where I try out my stories in front of a much smaller crowd and at one of those previews I asked the audience and how' you let your partner know you fancy some sex and a lady shouted out I just flashed my ass as I leave the room her husband's like oh I'm on another preview asked again I said how would you let your partner know you fancy some sex and a man went I put the dog in the crate I said is that a euphemism he said no I put an actual dog in an actual crate I said when'd you let the dog back out the crate he said when we're finished I said doesn't enough bother you that not only does the dog know what you're doing the dog knows how long it's taking you but I told this to one of my friends and she said oh it's the same in our house I said really she said actually no no she said when we start having sex the dog puts himself in the cras try to shut the little gate with his hands fled over his head [ __ ] headphones off but if you don't have a short hand for fancy a shack and you'd like one you can use what we do I don't mind if you copy us don't mind at all what we do say we're watching a film at home I'll say something really sexual to get his attention and then I'll say anyway back to the film Works a treat I've got two examples use them at your will they both work very very well example number one wowers my tits are massive anyway back to the film every single time example number two Jesus my funny feels empty anyway back to the film I didn't say they were subtle but they work a [ __ ] treat we still not seen the end of Jurassic world my final preview before I started the tour properly I told the story about the man and the dog in the creek CU I thought it was funny and a man in the middle of the room gave me a little wave I said is everything all right love what's going on here he said that was me that was us they'd come to see the show again and I told their story within the show and his wife was sitting beside him like this oh my God oh my God he said don't mind her gets embarrassed when I talk to you I said why are you doing it again then he said I she got her own back I said really he said yeah he said put it this way after your show the dog didn't see the inside of the crate for nearly a week but while you're working out what your short hand for fancy a sh might be you need to know that they don't all work we were lying in bed a few months ago it was very late both very tired but for whatever reason my husband couldn't sleep he was wide awake so I said to him in the dark in my most coquettish voice I said is there anything I can do that might help you fall asleep and he said oh yes you could be quiet my husband isn't great at giving compliments and I love a compliment so what we do is I kind of take pay them up for him and he tries his best I was in the shower and my husband came in the bathroom to brush his teeth and I thought I'll take a compliment now we don't go to the toilet in front of each other cuz we're saving that for retirement but he came in the bathroom to brush his teeth and I thought I'd take up a compliment so I said to him I said have I got a good o now my husband is not the sort of man who can quickly say yes or no he's a very methodical man he's a very logical man he had to what he would call verify the data so you had a proper look at my ass and then he said yes you have I said thanks he said big fan I said don't ask about that I was once shave my legs in the bath you know when I say shave my legs you know I mean everything else as well don't you yes good normally just start me toes and keep going oo and I cut my tour shaving now if you're under 40 you probably think that's disgusting if you're over 40 know it's a fact of [ __ ] life I went downstairs and I told my husband that I'd cut myself shaving and he genuinely looked at my face we've got an app on our phone called find friends if you don't know what find friends is it's an app where you can kind of syn up with each other you can say where each other kind of check each other are all right I've synced up with my husband I don't really think he uses it very much though cuz I said to him have you noticed it wasn't really working and now it's working he said what's that I said find friends he said I don't really know what that is so I described it to him just like I did to you guys and he said yeah I don't really I don't really look at that I said you never sometimes wonder if I'm all right and he went nope and I thought I wonder what it would take I if be like a big pile of dishes you'd be like hold on I had a wife you'd ring the police and say my sock drawer is empty I think my wife is missing and the police would say can you give us a description and he say they're all black apart from one pair with darc on I think when you've been together a while people start to give you suggestions on how to spice up your sex life don't they different ways you can spice up your sex life it always occurs to me that there's shopping involved there's always shopping involved anything from an unmarked Jeffy Bank through your letter books all the way to like a trolley around being C and then you've got to get a handy man out who can fit the hooks to the ceiling there's so much work involved and I just can't be asked and that's another thing off the list as well oh good about a third of you got that for the rest of you I don't take it up the [ __ ] to be honest with my IBS it's just too much traffic going in the other direction don't know if you've ever tried to pull out at a busy Junction but it's a bit like that we did find a really easy way to spice up our sex life if you're lazy like us then this might appeal to you as well what we do every now and again we just swap sides in bed that's all we do we swap sides the first time we did that was like o that one holidays but I think I must have been spanked a lot as a child cuz I can't make it sexy as an adult no matter how much I try I just keep saying I'm sorry I'm sorry luckily my husband finds apology she's a massive turn on and it just makes me go and sit on the naughty [ __ ]

Channel: Universal Comedy

Views: 170,369

Keywords: Comedy, Universal Comedy, Universal, Stand Up, Stand Up Comedy, Comedian, Stand Up Comedian

Id: Gb8wHrnPWXY

Length: 8min 28sec (508 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 27 2024