Sahara - RaisorBlade Reviews

what's up everybody my name is razor blade I'll talk about snakes for a second on today it's just like the coolest thing ever oh hell no get away get away but no seriously snakes are probably the coolest thing in the world so to make an animated movie about them doesn't seem like the worst idea out there as long as you know how to do it correctly the movie we're talking about today doesn't know how to do it correctly the movie we're talking about today is called ser now chances are you've either never heard this movie or you saw briefs on Netflix and just never pay much attention to me I was the same way well what's he my interest is that the movie when it was released on May 12th quickly rose to become the number one Kids movie on the west side that made me curious to check it out and I immediately regretted my decision to the point where now I had to review the movie so without further ado let's slither in this is Sahara so the movie begins in the middle of a sandstorm and we immediately see the first problem in the movie it may not be a problem in the long run but it still something needs to be brought up our main character is stealing a watermelon and he is a snake he is a snake stealing fruit why is a snake stealing fruit snakes eat meat like is easily do the writers not know how mistakes worked hang on God you're going to wish that was true but no they're still alive so our main character's name a charm Pitt bring the watermelon back home but a bigger snake comes and tries to take it from them if you want this watermelon it'll be over my dead body ok oh [ __ ] so let me get something straight movie you won't show a snake killing a mouse and eating it because you can't show that kind of violence in a kids movie but you're perfectly fine we're showing another snake take a rock and beat someone over the head with it make this to meet okay why do I feel like I'm going to use that joke way more often than I should my eyes fill with fan faces the wind keep moving on the fan yeah because when I see the Middle East I immediately think of rap music totally fit to say dog go away I would yeah part yeah why are they eating watermelon snakes eat me okay they eat mice lizards berlo's and the bigger snakes can you [ __ ] deer and even crocodiles for [ __ ] sake I give this is a kid's movie and maybe some of you will think oh well maybe there's blood in the water moans they live in the desert so maybe they're just trying to get the water in the watermelon no I did my research not one species of snakes has been confirmed to eat watermelon ever could have been worse oh yeah how they didn't beat us up this time yeah for someone who got hit in the basil - raagh you seem perfectly fine Kelly looks fine - this may seem like Nick thinking I just thought the animators would you know animate him to look like he just got the [ __ ] kicked out of him so sick and tired of the bullies Ajara wants to go and live with the water snakes who live in the trees next door but it reminds him that because he's a dusty he is therefore forbidden should I remind you what happened to those who tried hmm or maybe bring you their skulls green snakes us okay we don't belong over there now the movie is trying to introduce these adult themes of white racism segregation and even brings up the fact that he could die because of his race now I'm all for that introducing adult themes in a kid's movie as long as you can pull it off correctly but this movie doesn't even try you'll see what I mean later in the movie they'll bring up all these adult teams just to completely forget about them later on so John Pitt see a girl who's trying to leave the oasis get taken back in so the woman's name is Eva and she gets this once the go see the world she's sick and tired of all her privileged life and basically she's a carbon copy of Princess Jasmine Thank You chief no big deal pretty green in the sand I can spot it from miles away now I know what you're thinking well gee yeah I wasn't saintly creepy I hope to god there's no more seems like an avid movie well I wish granted there's nothing else like that movie so it's almost like the movie could have completely wrote that out and nothing would be missed at all are you even aware of how lucky you are to have been born here you've got everything security a future what future sit around a stone all day playing dead like you we're having the Spencer's over for dinner coming with their son John John a really nice job think you can sell me like it's the Middle Ages it's disgusting seriously this whole thing just feels rather force this is the first time we're really meeting Eva and she's suddenly blowing about how life sucks but we haven't seen her life yet like again movie this is just way too soon this is the first 10 minutes the movie and you're already bringing up all this stuff and we don't know anything yet you need to establish the stuff first before you try to work with it and by establishing things I mean with more than just one or two little lines of expositional dialogue and that's it oh my god you're crying what happened did you mess up your makeup Hey look lucky not yet no there will be plenty of time to rip this little [ __ ] apart now I know what you're thinking will the parents ever change their mind will they allow you to go see the world no in fact they're not even in the movie anymore yep that's the only time we see Eva's parents a prison cells to be terrible parents all because they awarded something a little bit different for their daughter it's not what Princess Jasmine I mean even once no one so ever so they're awful parents right the my movie prom so we come back to a jar who is disguised himself as a green snake but it stopped by the local security wait a minute that the secretary bird who is the bird of prey and is well known for eating snakes but they work for the green snakes why why do they work for the green snakes why aren't they working for the dusties what are the hardcover snakes when they can heat the snake movie never go explain anything you put yourself in peril you're putting me in peril you wouldn't want to put me in peril now would you wait a minute from the sound of that it sounded like they're perfectly willing to kill the green snakes whenever they feel like movies what are the rules here why are the secretary birds who have been well known for killing and eating snakes working for the snakes why are the green eggs why not the dusties why you snakes in general movie what the hell's happening not the ones oh yeah just run around scream like a [ __ ] because that would be too caught cheese it's like the Sugar Plum Fairy from strange magic it's just screaming intelligence so the turns out the dusty that was spotted isn't really a dusty at all but actually even in disguise to her in a jar begin running from the secretaries to eventually fall into the river their disguises are unmasked and then you get to see each other who they really are you're a testy did you want to feel something or kill someone you're not gonna kill me right yes and the person who said this earlier do you know what those ugly snakes are like beggars sleeps liars pretty sure they eat their own poop and marry their children or maybe it's the other way around are you actually saying that I just I just wanted to come Olivia it's like the worst place ever it's ridiculously small you just keep seeing the same boring people who are only worried about protecting their things it's like being in jail movie show don't tell that's the point of a movie it's visual storytelling show us the racism show us the segregation show us the fact that this place sucks apparently alright don't just tell us that's boring we want to see it happen we don't want to be told it happens for [ __ ] sake I get you want to tell the majority of the story away from these areas that's fine but for [ __ ] they just show us something please don't drink enough cheap cheap they probably drown okay okay what's with the jet engine sound effect this isn't like Hotel Transylvania we can get away with stuff like that this movies been pretty grounded to reality so that's just distracting calling me thinking all you want but yeah so Eva and ajar decide to go and enjoy freedom together but Oh so when Eva's death says that the desert was dangerous it turns out he was right after all [Music] what was it that fade to black you didn't transition to another part of the movie you just cut to the next clip so the secretary birds captured a jar and pit and bring them back to their headquarters we can't let you go we let one go then everyone else thinks they got a shot you understand this don't you oh wait are they gonna kill them kill them number one movie for kids on Netflix guys where they can watch their favorite cares get brutally beaten up and torn limb from limb Jesus Christ but fortunately a jar and pitter sayed oh thanks - hey let me down could you turn it down a notch but it is literally ringing over here Thanks not yet I want you but not yet just the time will come guys you should go easy on the pollen sir now please go sit over there and I'll talk to your dad in a minute good no hey are you taking Paulie there's no way I want to talk about it I want to talk about it but but I can't if I start now I won't be stopping I really won't so where do we have to wait until later all right I'll bring up the pollen I'll bring everything up you'll understand later all right but for now we have to wait till then on with the movie I think you said if we get big secret uh yeah what's he saying movie now is not the time for a comical shift in tone you just tried to murder your main characters I think he said let's go get pizza you don't know if Pizza is you piece of [ __ ] so thinking the snake Gary as a hostage genre pen are able to escape on the back of one of the secretary burns which results in chase hey banana what do you my way are you crazy this is civilization petrology you might believe in personal funniest line in the movie instead by the biggest [ __ ] in it [ __ ] off so Ron Pitts are able to escape the birds and get this we never see them in the movie again either seriously like this movie just close to throw [ __ ] at you and then just get rid of it for no real reason once what you gotta feed Eva Eva like my sister huh for her only hope if you guys would like talking about my sister let it go seriously that's right Gary just heard that his sister is in trouble and told them to just drop it like a good loving brother and no it's not [ __ ] time yet but oh god do I wish it was you guys are like talking about my sister let it go seriously I'm hesitating between you're either super brave exactly done oh it's the way that Gary toss gets on your nerves now just you wait so we come back to either who is now trapped in the basket with a bunch of other snakes who are preparing for a dance concert and yes you did hear me correctly they are getting ready for our dance concert we're so happy to meet you I'm Lily Bell i'm luis alberto and sisters we're both gemini movie did you not do any research on snakes one survivor couple things one these two are two different species she is a king snake and she is a coral snake two different species how the hell could they possibly be twins second off king snakes and coral snakes don't live in the Middle East they live in America now al gives us movies to benefit as a doubt maybe the snake charmer bought them up eBay or something but since the movie doesn't show us that or even tell us that I'm just gonna assume the movie got that little fat wrong I'm Chitra the company has one prima ballerina me that is a penis there's no joking about they may just straight-up made her look like a penis I made the joking strange matter that ball team's mom look like an old man's penis but that is just literally a dick with I've enlisted on it [ __ ] guy that's never gonna be my head now everything is going to be fine George is here whoo George V George me you know I think I just realized something for a movie based in the Middle East we really have a lot of American names don't we Eva Gary and now George I mean look in a journal pinup names that fit the setting why can't these guys it may be nitpicking but I just think that's really distracting so we come back to jar Gary and Pitt who have now found where Eva be kept but when Pitt accidentally sings the bird they end up crashing come on rusty dead ahead lunch break stop talking like that you [ __ ] weird all hey geniuses Batman Robin you don't know what that is so we're turnip it has to go through this maze but Gary goes with them and won't shut up okay do I need to remind you too that if you would drop me off like I told you to shut up ever hear of non aggressive verbal communication guess not okay I'll shut up you're really tempting me to go off are now but I have to [ __ ] hold it fantastic how are you ever gonna get me out of here now why didn't you warn us hey you're the rescuers are you ah [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] so we cut back to Eva to see what the snake charmer has in store for the snakes and we find out that he makes them dance in order to entertain people he was tried to escape but she finds the music to be literally irresistible [Music] [Music] no no some of you are probably wondering the same thing I am what's with the random 2d animated segments in the middle of the movie if me I mean it looks nice and it does offer some creative visuals but I mean what's it even doing here and what's the point of it I've watched this scene like seven or eight times trying to figure out what the writers were trying to convey with it but I can't figure it out for me I just think it's just some random colorful 2d animated visuals just because of the dance sequence so let's have some weird visual whoo oh it looks so good doesn't it but again I can't figure out what the musical number is telling me one so ever so I'm just more confused than dazzled I don't know about you but I'd love a little break like a falling break you guys had some you heard right guys he just asked if they had pollen number one movie for kids ladies and gentlemen number one movie for kids so Joe Pitts and Gary run into a group of oddly designed bugs whose design looks nothing like the movies whatsoever who tells them where to go but immediately try to eat them afterwards weird thing to do to your food but okay let's start with the wakening song [Music] [ __ ] ooh Forrester who Doris copyright coming for that ass wait where we're gonna go I know these primitive people's they took us in there it's gonna feel hurt hey we're gonna feel hurt very fortunately a jar and the others are able to escape and soon finds Ian made to the other side of the maze but Gary surprisingly enough isn't impressed oh please I guess it's super sad about my sister but honestly she's probably been eaten by ones you hungry desert buddies by now Wow bark that's it that's it I don't care anymore you know I was gonna save this for the interview but [ __ ] it I don't care anymore it's not worth it Gary has got to be one of the most unlikable no despicably unlikable no hateable yeah that's it hey you little piece of [ __ ] I've ever seen in an animated movie I mean there's not giving a [ __ ] and then this just being an emotionless [ __ ] [ __ ] I know I can understand if you'd like to make fun of insist your every once in a while okay I have three siblings okay I get it but let me ask you guys a serious question if your sister was a kidnapped by like Isis or al-qaeda or something like that would you ever say something like it serves her right no you wouldn't you'd be a [ __ ] a so if you did but Gary oh to take us to a whole nother level without me not gone up a voice do you know who he sounds like now that is grow big but hey give cool cat some credit at least he likes people in fact he loved them he loves all our kids but Gary has loved a body and nobody should love him back because of it well you wanna know what the worst part of this is this was all intentional he was intentionally written to be this much of a dick they keep bringing up how annoying he was how much he just wine it mobster complained about every little [ __ ] thing that happens to him and why he just makes a big [ __ ] mess of everything this is all your fault Jude there since the beginning you've been nothing but a giant pain in the tail is true I've seen annoying characters in animated movies before okay I saw Sugar Plum Fairy from strange magic I saw those three robots Master Roy but the thing is they were meant to be liked all right it just so happened that shitty writing made them unlikable and annoying but Gary Gary was meant to be hated he was meant to be this much of a dick we were supposed to hear from the game writers that's not how do you write an animated character do you know what I honestly think of Gary I think he was created by like some corporate scumbag somewhere that said you know what this movie is fun and all but you know what it needs it needs some animated character that can relate to the teenagers yeah you know those hips rocking teenagers that talk like this and don't give a [ __ ] about the establishment or really anybody for that matter not even their [ __ ] families [ __ ] that how does really became number one on Netflix for kids is beyond me how could any movie with an [ __ ] like this being number one anything except being [ __ ] hand remote it just pisses me off so much Oh Oh what happened what's going on did I did I let go yeah I think I did oh my god I'm sorry guys I don't know where all that came from I mean yeah Gary's an [ __ ] but I mean the rest of the movies not really that bad not really anything worth mentioning or talking about it's just Gary it's just Gary it's just Gary I I think I need a minute just just do a rest stop hiya I think I used all my energy in that one big burst right there be right back what's up everybody is DJ and I just won't let you all know that I now have a vid me channel where I'm currently uploading all the content to that channel that's currently on my youtube right now now if y'all know YouTube is a little finicky when it comes to the copyright system you know how sometimes videos will be taking down unfairly due to copyright strikes and all that kind of crap so my bed meet is a way to keep the videos on backups so you guys can check them out whenever you feel like so be sure to check out my vids meet link will be in description follow me or subscribe or however Vimy describes I really appreciate it and as always I hope to see you there so thousand guys rock on on with the reveal so yeah after all of that what's next are you insane a dusty in love with my sister I mean besides look at your skin you haven't even shed yet did you people not do any [ __ ] research on snakes for your goddamn snake mommy snake shed their skin like all the time in the wild like at least once every two months welcome to the desert oh that's nice just one you like Gary wasn't annoying enough I thought some pop song just play over the theme because why not my story feels good when I'm alone the weird thing about it is that the lyrics don't even fit the situation at all the lyrics thing about having a legacy when you're dead but they're not dying at all they're just following the camel Kade from one place to another like they doesn't fit at all falling it just a couple of grades number one movie for kids ladies and gentlemen where you can watch a snake literally succumb to a drug addiction yeah because that's totally good for kids right so let's see if we got this all figured out shall we mmm eight thirty five-year-old manic a costume can jerk off in front of a little girl that's okay a sea otter like thing can suck a fish's dick that's okay preschoolers can't work for their kids show that's okay a writer for said show might possibly have the hots for one of the preschoolers that's okay snakes are coming to a [ __ ] drug addiction that's also okay let me see if I could figure something else out gay marriage no what the hell's wrong with you that's disgusting they actually did it they blew up your bowl a curse on both your houses get it get it he's referencing Planet of the Apes and Romeo and Juliet he's referencing two things at once wha-huh he's not really good at his that was gorgeous yeah now I mentioned it was the fastest pee joke I've ever seen huh well it was brief sojourn its friends didn't sneak onto a human's car in order to get across the desert faster but okay this is really bad touch right here really don't don't kids moving [ __ ] kid relevee because gary literally likes weed too much ha get it he likes flowers him in a genre thrown out of the car of a pins left behind this is all your fault Jude there since the beginning you've been nothing but a giant pain in the tail st. done something about it I'm gonna kill you now that's more like yay we get Eva but we don't go home without pit we need in moving minion and your [ __ ] [ __ ] Gary I hate you so evil is able to escape from the basket through a hole of the penis named mate but for some reason the camel trusts off her I shouldn't be here is it surely I shouldn't be here wait a minute while the camels working for the humans where are the boys working with a snake does anything in this world make sense at all so you actually have two modes uh trees the angry wrestler for silent anti-social so sophisticated well tell me beeping [ __ ] [ __ ] like you you don't know with that doofus to do though don't you ever talk about pit like that then go again yes kill him finish him destroy him make sure there's nothing not to find so before the greatest deed of all mankind can be done Jean Gary fine an oasis and wish to spend the night at you got to get going oh come on five more minutes forget all these blisters I can't possibly make another move your little [ __ ] you know that meanwhile because even that penis sneaked try to escape earlier they're forced to fight to the death through dance [Music] all right you get to be pricing and breaking the eggs and lives it's around okay before the money rises what the [ __ ] am I looking at right now while it is animated very nicely I have to ask the question what's it doing in a movie like this the animation for the most part has been pretty grounded to reality but this thing feels like it belongs more in like Hotel Transylvania or something where it's very fast and zany because the movies been so grounded a reality for the most part a scene like this out of nowhere just becomes an eyesore and not in a good way also I have to point out the fact that uh there's a dancing penis imitating Michael Jackson just thought I'd bring that up number one movie for kids on Netflix so we cut back to Pitt who was able to escape the car when he comes across another family of scorpions in the desert they think about all my girlfriend's at the dusting concert just how do they end up here two things one you are a scorpion scorpions do not have concerts and two guesting seriously you guys are well aware there's actually a band out there called scorpions right so we cut back again to a jarring Gary this time the two of them having guy talk and get this we finally learn why Gary such a dick why are you thinking about Pitt and Eva we may never see him again well at least you've had that a friend wait you don't have a friend what of course I have friends turn Oh what's the matter Gary you don't have any friends well did you ever stop to wonder why movie you can't have a character act like a complete [ __ ] throughout the entire film and then out of nowhere suddenly expect the audience to sympathize with him this is like having a terrorist blow up half a building and then suddenly we have the sympathizer that got all because his dog died like no you still feel like 300 people with that bombing dude [ __ ] you so he cut back again the pit seriously movie take one of the other to focus on more refund that he's earned the respect of the family because he's been telling them the story of his journey they offer for him the tag along but it refuses as he has to find his friend you along with scorpions don't even alone you guys can't you see you've got to go find a friend mm soon dripping with love what yeah no wait thank you movie I had no idea that she might pause they have a crush on him I'm just so stupid I really need to be told that so we come back again to ajar Gary who have discovered a well which could lead him to the village they're looking for things like water to villages see like gypsies if for instance we're not even sure that that fo'get thing goes to sook sook ville well it goes somewhere oh no you want to help [ __ ] a little bit late for that it would you think give me a [ __ ] drink oh god it'll look like a [ __ ] nerve on you this review so big shock the well actually leads them to the village where they have to go now too surprising given the fact that the movie only has ten minutes left yeah the movie only has like 10 minutes left wrapping it up people thank God let's use the rooftops with paper Oh what oh god no not this again please no no more of that please really he just got over his drug addiction like that I love the fact that it's not his sister being in danger that helps him overcome his addiction it's simply his friend yeah the friend who only knew his sister for five minutes it cares way more about her than her actual brother does stairs I see nothing wrong with that do you you'll see you'll get used to it it's not that bad of life it's just it's not what I imagined my life would be like well to be fair Eva you didn't want to go see the world I guess being kidnapped was the best thing to ever happen to you you went to go see the world and you got to go see the world GD rules [ __ ] I know it may sound a little mean but even never really made it clear what she wanted to do with her life all she said was that she's sick to death of her life at home and stuff and she wanted to go see the world well wish granted now I know what you guys are thinking so razor blade you're saying that being a hostage is great no no all I'm saying is that even got exactly what she wanted she just didn't know yet she discovered a hobby she developed a hobby in something she's really good at and she even got a bit of a male acquaintance sure there George is a little over the top full himself and does come on T strong but I wouldn't really call the guy a pervert or even that bad of a guy honestly if the two got together I wouldn't have a problem with it in fact his IVA was happy with his life and again I wouldn't put it past her but no she's a jars love interest and that's all she'll ever be huh know what you're right I mean it's not like we crossed the whole desert and almost died like 26 times and horrifying ways to get here are you just going to stand there and whine or are you going to save my sister here's an idea how about you saver after all she is your sister right I mean for [ __ ] sake why aren't you telling someone else to save your sister I mean if he wants to hell by all means let them but you should at least do something you [ __ ] [ __ ] no I'm gonna stay with you guys just wait looks creepy on the gorge so hey you guys wanna see something stupid I mean like really stupid of course you do that's why you came here so a jar is able to free Eva and all the other snake and get this the snake charmer guy is like evil like super evil like trying to escape my cuties do you really think you can get away from me yo venom runs in my fan yeah mine like I don't know why he's super evil the son needs life you're a mind you're all mine now I will take your soul and drink your children I don't know what I mean ha ha ha ha ha ha don't be fair he does do this part how do it work you think you're better not me and with that scene alone he instantly became the best thing this movie had to offer I love this guy so much our seals the snake charmers flu and we get this three and a half minute long climax in the sand storm Jesus this goes on for way too long they're flying around and they're fighting and stuff but it's like really is being in the sand storm flying around the city and stuff like that really necessary so the snake charmer is defeated in a jar is reunited with Deepa [Music] pretty that's gonna be high maintenance again movie snakes in the skin of a dart game time it sounds symbol of maturity they do another time you crossed the deserts from me I would have crossed a thousand oh you knew her for five minutes and you followed her all the way out of here you should be in jail adorable [Music] oh now you are defend your sister no [ __ ] you buddy [ __ ] you you have not earned a right to defend your sister God if this movie does not end with him kissing a penis at some point then I will be severely disappointed but it's okay because Pitt just conveniently shows up yeah he just shows up I don't know where now oh and look at that that girl we met earlier followed him she had been and her friends and family just to be with a guy yeah that sounds like something a woman should do so now it's Eva rescue everyone begins a long journey home including the snake that were rescued you know I just like dance ballet tutu all that Ken yeah I just love ha so Gary goes end up with a penis after all huh for a second there I thought I was gonna be really disappointed with this movie I know you're wondering if a jaw and evil will go back to the Oasis love each other forever and help everyone live happily ever after as equals hmm no idea there my disappointment sinking in hey movie yeah [ __ ] suck hard and that was Sahara and to be perfectly honest there really isn't that much to get that mad over for a movie that was released directly to Netflix I kind of got what I was expecting the writing is kind of shitty and lazy but I expected that the animation is for the most part pretty okay and I expected that the story brings in all these elements that don't really add up to anything and are pretty much forgotten as soon as they're brought up but again I expected that for what's worse Sahara is your basic bland dull and forgettable direct the next legs animated movie that really doesn't have much to talk about so why did I review this movie [ __ ] Gary's it doesn't look like they knew how bland and forgettable Sahara was so in order to maintain some relevance they had to bring in this really awful substance into it like they couldn't make something super good so they decided and said to make something really super bad like for a movie filled with just dull forgettable myths let's make something like super awful like something that's so hateable you forget about it and the problem is it worked Gary the one thing that stands out in this movie and it's not a good thing he is just such a dick Gary was intentionally made to be so hateable that when you left a movie you couldn't forget how much I hated them that sucks along with them the movie brings in all these adult themes that really are just inappropriate for the target audience that it's aiming for and it's made it worse when again this movie was the number one Kids movie on Netflix for a while like dude none of the [ __ ] you brought up in this movie is appropriate one so ever there's a way of bringing adult themes into a kid's movie but this movie doesn't do that there's dealing with racism and stuff like in labor time and then there's straight up having drug addiction in your movie like seriously Pollan like yeah you're being so [ __ ] subtle guys you want my advice just as far away from Sahara as possible because it's like a hot day in the desert you're just going to sizzle and sizzle and sizzle and tell you eventually dry out some pretty well training kungfu so you know i get me mad and now with y'all permission I'm going to call a good friend of mine to deal with that piece of [ __ ] Gary once and for all yeah hey man what's up not much just reviewing a movie it wasn't I have a guy I think you should deal with oh yeah he felt super tall yeah then Gary yeah yeah that Gary yeah yeah you know what I'm talking about yeah you know yet you were going to do it anyway well there we go now we be able to also though so this for me awesome you're the best man thanks take a look at the tournament yeah I'll be ready for you after all this is my universe all right man bachelor yeah well those will be fun to watch could you turn it down a notch not aggressive communication you activist but you're scheduling [Music] [Music] that was weird [Music] Thank You Goku thank you very much my name is razor blade and as always love your sisters like seriously it's not that [ __ ] hard Oh got it got - it da not right no uh that [ __ ] Hill socks on the reveal

Channel: RaisorBlade

Views: 39,615

Keywords: RaisorBlade, Reviews, Sahara, Netflix, Vid.me, Snakes, Unlikable

Id: FbfUMAiMgUM

Length: 43min 55sec (2635 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 17 2017