SAFE SPACE: Persisting Through The Storm: A Couples Journey To Parenthood

[Music] Riverside Nashville's impact the city ministry presents safe space a platform for leaders to keep it real and bring us into their personal stories of overcoming this is an opportunity to remind ourselves that our trials are just as important as our triumphs because they both lead to our testimony and now your hosts Minister Damaris Miller good evening everyone and welcome to the fourth episode of safe space I'm your host Minister Damaris Miller the young adult minister here at the Riverside Chapel in Nashville Tennessee I'm so excited that you decided to spend some time here at the safe space and so for our faithful viewers what's up to our new viewers welcome today's safe space episode will be centered around a couple's perseverance through one of the toughest times of their life let's start with word of Prayer Heavenly Father we thank you and praise you for your many blessings god we thank you for this platform that gives us the ability to share our testimony so that our testimony can give hope and healing to our community in to our world god bless every word that we say so that you'll get all the honor and the glory this is my prayer and the mighty name of Jesus that all who believe say meant amen amen today's safe space community it is my pleasure to introduce you to our special guest Gianna and pastor Debbie air smell welcome guys how are you all doing great doing great thank you so much good we good I'm glad to be in a safe space man than beers safe space man house homes we'll treat you guys hot yet it it's not overwhelming but it's it's getting it so so we're rejoicing in what we have because we can see what's what's coming down the line that's true that's true that's true July and August it gets a little hot out there it's long tents this one is safe thank you guys for taking some time off your busy schedule to spend some time at the safe space and so we want to jump right into this but before we start a safe space conversation we always start off with a icebreaker and so today's icebreaker is called the squids a couples quiz and so what I want you to do I want you to close your eyes yeah and I'm going to ask you a question you're gonna point to answer the question okay all right you guys ready for happy home first question who said I love you first okay you can open your open your eyes okay all right Deb tell me how I went down I need to know how I went down so it's uh it's interesting cuz I think I I fell hard man I knew from early in this process that she was the one God has had confirmed some things even before I even express how I thought about her the whole shebang so I I had more clarity in this instance and I had it any other situation so I kind of opened up myself in a way that I would not normally normally do so we had not been together like in an official capacity long and so I just think you know things were kind of moving in a certain direction and I felt no need to contain it I said it I think she was actually kind of shocked that it kind of came so early in and cool cool cool cool all right close your eyes say something push number two who is Messier okay open your eyes okay I think I'm will leave that explanation okay all right all right close your eyes all right who is the first one to fall asleep on a movie okay all right open your eyes okay what's the deal where you just just comfortably just you know sit five minutes in you get past the credits or your intro Lords I can't hang watching movie Anna is an utter waste this buildup ma'am go get our favorite snacks man get the keys put the beard or kind of you know preoccupied man and as soon as it kind of she gets comfortable and she kind of leans on her side yeah I did I sense a certain breathing pattern so hey listen songs to be like you know put my head in front of her face as it's going alright fourth question who close your eyes who is the best cook okay all right okay okay okay okay okay last question who close your eyes who will spend their last dime on clothing okay all right all right open your eyes you guys both struggle to answer that question yeah so she said herself didn't really want to say but she fell I think it's the question like either Russell spent our last yeah I mean so yeah I think we both you know you enjoy fashion I don't know that we prioritize it quite there okay you got three kids yes which the question yeah okay well thank you guys for participating in the Icebreaker now it's time to transition into our safe space conversation and I want to start off by allowing you to share your story all right so you know we had been married about four years and we were very involved in ministry we were living we just moved to a new city Lexington Kentucky and it was just kind of like okay we're seeing my friends having children we're seeing you know you just start to feel that quietness on Friday nights and then just like man it'd be cool to have some noise around here it just seems like it's time we have traveled together you know we had kind of spent our time getting to know each other and it was like time to start a family and so we were like okay let's try to get pregnant and we got pregnant immediately and so we were excited we started telling our family and friends dead went out and got me some maternity clothes and I was like six weeks pregnant and he's like triangle okay but I mean we were just that excited like we were just that excited um and so maybe about a week or two went by and I started having like these symptoms where I was starting to feel less nauseous and I'm starting to feel all the see symptoms go away and I thought that was strange but having not been pregnant before I just didn't know you know what to expect so I just kept going but eventually I started having cramping bleeding all of those things and we eventually found out that we had lost the pregnancy and that was just we just felt blindsided like you know I was wondering what I did I had been working out exercising you know I had flown and I was just like did I do something wrong I just felt like it was my fault like I had done something that was wrong but the doctors kind of reassured us like you know this happens with a lot of first pregnancies this is something that the body does to rid itself of something that maybe wasn't quite right maybe the chromosomes weren't right maybe the baby wasn't healthy so this happens you know you'll get pregnant again and you'll be fine and so we you know kind of felt optimistic but still just really blown you know mentally emotionally and everything with that first loss about three months later experienced the same thing you know get pregnant and I don't think I really knew I was pregnant that time but the mr. carriage happened I had the same exact symptom and this is home like okay wait a minute you know I thought they said this could happen once like what's going on and so we went and got some testing done and you know ended up getting blood work you know they drew like 18 pounds of blood and they came back and said everything was normal and everything was fine but you know at that point we're just trying to figure out why this keeps happening yeah yes they essentially um you know we you know in something with each each point there was a there was resilience they would say all right we try to maintain our perspective we tried to increase kind of the intensity of our prayer like to kind of make sure that tough we were aligning ourselves with where God was moving in so of course you know we continue down this journey she gets pregnant third time so the first coma pregnancies we you know get like a couples did you know outside of our immediate family kept kind of kept me close to the vest trying to get to that second trimester getting past at 12 weeks but I think that with the third pregnancy you know we're a little bit more open we kind of shared it with some people that we we love you know some members of our church family at the time they begin to pray my parents afraid of our parents afraid each morning I would just kind of lay my hands on her belly and pray for her maybe we had gotten you know into the you know to the second trimester we had begin to rejoice they feel very excited and hopeful about things and then essentially you know things ran their same course with the with the third pregnancy matter of fact I remember that one was being a little tough because I remember we you know it was 34 but went to the doctor and we were at a high-risk doctor by that point okay it was a fourth so getting her so I went in you were out of town that's right we got to go in and we finally got to see a heartbeat and we got this ultrasound and we saw a healthy viable baby and they were like you're good you know this is a great sign this is the healthy pregnancy we're going to monitor you so we had that picture and we're just like I said praying over the womb I stood up in church and said I'm claiming that the baby's on well like we were just you know we had an expectation you know and so I went in for the eight week checkup he was on a channel and they were just like putting the doctor on and immediately she turned it back off and said let me go get the doctor and having experienced this now you know two times before this I knew what that meant and I'm just like waiting like you gotta be kidding me we just saw a healthy baby two weeks ago we just heard the heartbeat like what's happening here and it was especially traumatic because he was he was out of town and oh he had to try to get an emergency flight back and I remember when he came back I was just a mess we were both crying on the bed and he was just like babe I really do believe that this is not about a baby this weapon has been formed against our baby and we have to not let this take out our faith and I'm glad you said that because that's definitely what I felt like I felt this spiritual war going on in my soul where I wanted an expectation I wanted God to do something I was so attached to the answer to my prayer I was attached to an outcome and I thought it's focusing more on that then I was on God you know and so I we actually convinced them to give us a week to find out maybe there could be heartbeat maybe we're calling this too soon let's take a week to just see what happens so during that time we're fasting with rain people at our church were you know just going through this thing with us because we were just praying for a miracle and I remember during that time though there was something in me that wouldn't let me accept that the outcome could be any different than what I wanted God to do and so that morning when we got to do the deciding ultrasound I remember our head elder call us and to pray with us and he prayed this prayer and he said you know Lord we pray that this baby would live but God choose you and the garden had to pray nevertheless your will young and I remember in that moment my heart kind of sank because I had not allowed myself to accept anything less than what I want you know and I kind of knew what the outcome would be when we went so connect tracts a question so what's the what's the timeframe between this first and the third is this because I know you said about three months later the second time you got pregnancy pregnant about the third time so what's the timeframe and who was in your corner I know that was there and your family I mean who was in your corner during that time during that time for you all so the timeframe was probably another seven eight months from the second one so this is kind of like in a year and I have span for this third loss and by that like I said we had started declaring it in church we hadn't told like put anything on Facebook or announce to the outside world but people who work at our church Sunnah people that were in our immediate world yeah my sibling our siblings our parents and at that time it was essentially our our church van Lew had a an amazing loving small church family there in Lexington that just stood with us in every conceivable godly way imaginable and you know so that was that was a part of our support system at that time and a lot of times I don't even think they knew look because you know my first couple losses happened very early and they had started throwing birthday parties and cinemas for massages and we ended up writing them a letter after the fact saying you didn't even know that we needed that you know but thank you for obeying the spirit and pouring into us when you didn't know what we were going through okay so now this is the third one Deb gets home you guys are praying he speaks a word that it's not gonna let me attack our faith and what what happens next yes I mean essentially you know we're going for that you know like she's deciding ultrasound that maybe did miscarry for third and so again you know we kind of at that point I think at least for me I think that was probably one of the first times where the idea of maybe this not being meant to be entered in into my into my mind and so I think it was after the third one because we're in that in that safer space you know you know well into the second trimester trimester well we kind of thought once we got there you know that was kind of the threshold based on what's communicated after that it we should be good to go and so you don't think at that point we're just at a place where you know there's a there's a numbness there's a very real grief I think as a husband you're still trying to figure out how to navigate this because of course there's just no way we feel that loss as intimately and directly as I as I rise to Seoul I think there are times there's confusion about what to do and I just think it's the husband man there's just there's nothing worse than seeing your wife hurting and you're in a position of powerlessness there's absolutely nothing you can do to make it better to make it go away so I just think even a part of that was just trying to know what what to do and how to be there and you know I if I'm having a good day do i express that you know me or you know coming in the next summer in summer and draw down draw her down she's having a good day so there's just a lot of confusion a lot of not knowing what to do that was a part of that that journey as well especially after number three because you know yeah first first two were like okay this is our trial this is our thing you know I was going you know I got all the there were cliches things but I believe but they're just new things that you were trained to say and believe but I think now all of that is disintegrating and I think after all your cliches disintegrate that's when you really have to enter a real and authentic realm of faith because now none of your predispositions about God mattered all of your happy ending scenarios you know have been shattered and now you have to enter into the realm of true faith hey Deb right quick so you were pastoring through through all of this and how did your preacher preaching change did you you know was it hard to preach about faith preach about hope I mean how did that how did that change for you or did it change yeah it's don't you know it's I think with with anything in life there's kind of urban flow to it um I think it was funny yeah it's pastor you kind of get that you look back on certain sermons there professor and season in your life and you're kind of like man what was that talking about and a part of it I think it reflected somewhat of a spiritual disorientation you know I'm saying that that I was going through and it's crazy because the Holy Spirit somehow worked in the midst of my faultiness and allow somebody to glean something from it from on occasion there was times where my disorientation showed up in the preaching I think there are times where as I was experiencing you know the maturity process of faith and just the fact that my church was seeing let's go through it with real time I think that actually both bolstered the authenticity of what was what was being shared at the time so it was a time of a real growth but the growth was not like this leap and bound kind of scenario it was it was slow it was incremental and even don't you challenge you know like I said even some of the Long Hill axioms that you hold about dialect or theology is challenged as now you're you're kind of lining it up against you know your lived in real experience and so you know that was kind of the journey um so it was up its down but I do think long-term um I think that uh I think it actually girded us with a strength I think it helped deepen our spiritual experience from one that was just not based upon our parent spirituality wasn't based on ideology it was based on a I had been to hell and back and have lived to tell the story and it was the head of God that took me there and brought me back so you know I think you know the preaching is didn't have any theory or theology but it's it's an experiential preaching that I do it is it is lived out there is nothing rehearsed it is what I want I'm telling you what I know and it's just because of the things that I've seen god help us to navigate yeah that's good now Gianna for you and during this period of time didn't your friends didn't buy in your community where they pregnant and having babies and how does that make you feel did you get invited to a baby shower I mean how was that dealing how was that for you mentally and in relationship oh it was very good like I said a lot of our friends were having children and you're just wondering like what's wrong why no why and so especially after that third loss I was in that white space you know I was very angry with God because again I was attached to an outcome and when that outcome didn't happen I detached myself from from God because I was just like this these words and this Bible don't mean anything I mean this you know I was on the praise team and again you're trying to minister through your pain but the disappointment was just what I was focusing on and so yeah well we saw different people around us who were pregnant I was very envious I was angry I was just didn't understand what I was doing and so it was a very tough season for me okay so we've you know progressing in the story and now we're on to the fourth pregnancy yeah yeah so I mean honestly you know we kind of game we take the same procedure in process you know we shared once we found out were pregnant we share the information with family friends praying ocean calling on the name Lord we get to the you know first trimester or choice in moving into month three month four month five and I guess actually right there my crown right between five and six and essentially you know same set of symptoms or loss of symptoms begins to occur going to the doctor no heartbeat I think what made this uniquely painful this one is that this child actually was so far along that he had to be delivering this baby boy you know stillborn little one and we actually had a chance to you know I could hold him in the palm of my hands we had a chance to spend some time in the hospital room with him just kind of an inconsolable grief at the time and we actually buried him in a kind of I guess in what I said call it an infant Cemetery in Lexington we gave him the first name of both fathers Larry Richard which is Hertford and every Richard snail and he's very very Lexington you know now waiting for the for the resurrection where he can be with both of us um but but I do think that that experience was again that was that that blow because okay you're thinking third time not that you believe in luck or superstition but like third time's the chocolate then hit it with it a fourth time and and I think for me being able to see hold the child I think it crystallizes it in a whole different way I was a lot more pronounced outward at least after the the fourth one and and so now you're just at a place where kind of faith is is in shambles and so what you described was kind of where I was you know I'm kind of preaching afraid that I don't really know that I had so even as even as we talked about the process it's still very much going on and it's still very much being played out in real time after the after that point the final loss Wow so how did this change how did your marriage it's time to change your marriage you know what was a relationship like where you culture than ever or were there times where you know just when what was the relationship like for you guys doing this experience I mean for me I had to learn to be transparent and be whatever I was feeling that day and I think the first and second loss I was trying to be strong I was trying to be in faith I was trying to you know I felt like if I was crying and that was you know such a deception but I felt like if I was crying I mean that meant that I wasn't filled with faith or that I was you know somehow doubting God but I learned through this process and through this journey that I could be undone and still be a woman of faith yeah but I could still be undone to him because of course we're trying to be strong for each other you know like you said you're having a good day and you come in and your spouse is down just like you don't know what to do but I think we found freedom and intimacy in being able to cry together and being able to say I'm not okay today and those were them almost why folks so connected to him where I stopped trying to make him feel a certain way or be like why aren't you crying just say you know what I'm not having a good day today like you know I just found out that you know his sister was pregnant and I'm I'm not okay I'm feeling envious I'm feeling jealous you know I don't know what to do when we meet the baby and he was like you know what I'm actually struggling too and I was like you are and you know so just having those moments where we were able to connect over our feelings and say you know what this this is how we're feeling you know it may not be pretty it may not always be you know that best moment but it's what we're feeling and he would say you know what let's take these feelings to God you know we can't stay here we can't not celebrate with our friends we can't stay in this place of jealousy and bitterness we we gotta take this to God and ask him to help us with them and so I found intimacy there and then just going through pain together you know it's just how the way him bonding you in a way that the good times don't know and so there was definitely a strength that I witnessed in our marriage experience and ultimately we talked about it all the time like we feel like if we had had that first baby our marriage wouldn't be what it was when we eventually did have children and we you know all ultimately just kind of praised God for his timing because we needed to grow we needed to to not just our marriage but our faith together and just being able to be real and transparent with each other it strengthened us very much and I think the one thing with just any adversity like when it starts raining and say there's a leak in your house you know the rain doesn't cause the leak what the rain just reveals where it's leaking or just you know kind of exposed to the fact that you have a leak and I think adversity you know what it does is it'll say oh man this happened that's why I'm Ericsson make this happen and it calls this in our marriage well there's maybe a measure of truth but circumstance is what they do is they they were being aware you're you're you're coming short so like you know you know they're your times well I think that you know if I saw a couple week when did you interpret to be ministers on so forth but I do think there were areas where we needed to be strengthened in family devotion and just in home prayer I just think even just kind of having like she said more direct transparent conversations so I just think that what it did was you know it kind of showed us where the cracks are or whether leaks were and we were able to kind of rally around on those things and I think that that adversity kind of helped push us forward so that we would be able to function not as not as free cuz I think one of the things I did do also is they helped us get on the same side on more scenarios so I think there's a tendency in marriage to function like free agents your thing might be but God is kind of ordained as to function as a team and honestly it's just kind of the internal stripes of life whether it be financial whether it be loss whether whatever it is but it does sometimes unknowingly you don't see it consciously at the time this declarative hindsight what it does is it puts you on the same side and that's one of the things that adversity does see trouble reveals who you really enemy is it's never us we had arguments in spats like you know couples but what kind of adversity did it is it showed us that without each other and of course without the help of God we won't make it very far yeah now you speak about your prayer life in your devotion and your faith whether it was there ever a time where you went to counseling and or to a therapist that kind of deal with and give you some tangible ways of how to deal with with with different thoughts I went to the support group there in in Lexington the hospital had like a neonatal grief perinatal loss we've support group and it was very helpful especially just on the emotional side of things and just having some support being able to talk through things I think spiritually though there were just you know and I just kind of had to work through some things and especially after that third loss like I said there was just this anger and this disappointment that I just kept focusing on and I remember there was this one Sabbath that we decided to not go to church that day and you're pouring you're pouring you're pouring and you're pouring out of an empty cup and we were just like you know what let's take a day to just kind of refuel and I remember we were sitting in the bed that day and we're just talking he had worship together like I said and we were talking about demon possession I don't know how that topic came up and we were just kind of talking like oh you know what that person could be you start thinking of people that we come in contact with that could be doing because I remember like so clear ma'am you are the one that has a demon like you are the one that has literally just let every demonic thoughts saturate your mind God is not good God doesn't love you God doesn't want to bless you like all that stuff was swirling around in my head and I was depressed I was going to the doctor for all these different fainting spells and stuff and the doctor was like you're depressed we need to put medication and I knew that it was not a physical depression there was a spiritual depression because I distance myself from God I refused to read his word I refused to pray I refused to praise him so of course I was in darkness and so I just remember asking God in that moment like god this is not about a baby anymore I just want to be free I want to see the light I want to be able to just have joy outside of getting what I want you know what I mean like I had to come to that point where like God it's not about a baby anymore it's about me and oh in that moment whether the first time in months I was able to look out the window and see light I was able to smile again I was able to feel lifted because God lifted that heaviness out for me and I read my so to praising him no matter whether we had a baby or not because I realized like one thing I can't live without is without Jesus you know and that just affects everything you know and so there was that moment where I just kind of had to get to that point where all right guys whether you bless me or not I don't have to praise you I still gotta worship you love is my love so the fourth miscarriage you actually have names for your son you have to have a burial what happens next yeah we were leaving the hospital after having that delivery and I think it just really hit emotionally where I was just like okay God I you know I can't do this anymore like we keep getting pregnant we keep getting attached to keep getting to a certain point and then having to leave the hospital for the fourth time with empty arms you're seeing all the families packing up their babies and we just went through the same labor and delivery process with nothing to show for it and so it just oh my that thing hits so hard and when we were leaving the parking lot I was like god this is where I get off like I'm I'm done you know I'm still gonna praise you I love you but I don't want to go through this anymore like the pregnancy and the emotional rollercoaster like I can't do it anymore and I remember just in that parking lot I said god I'm done and I heard his voice so clear Gina you will have Pat and I like what yes you know it just gave me something something to hold on to and I couldn't know when I didn't know how to know if we'd have to endure more loss but I knew we would have a child and I remember sharing it with them and he's like oh okay you go through this but um I just needed I just needed that divine visit as I call it I needed to know that he had a promise for us and so you know that time you know are dealing with our grief was much different where I was like okay god I'm still angry I'm still going through the loss but here I am I'm bringing it to you I'm bringing anger here I'm bringing my Envy here I know I can't process this without you and God began to just melt my heart and just that's when I got to know that like in my pain in my tears I god I'm gonna praise you today I'm not feeling like it I don't want to but here I am here we are and God just began to just walk us through it and we found out who he was a comforter a healer all the things that we talked about then say yeah now we're getting to get to know God as a shepherd and the comforter as a strength as a rock to lean on and so it was a really you know transformative time where we got to know him or ourselves yeah it's uh it's like done Kirkland Caesar song who would've thought I'd get to know you this way yeah he says oh yes yeah but I got to know you in a better way yeah but between I I thought I knew you on yesterday and I'm glad I got to know you this way there were just you know crucible experiences you know that created and force that intimacy cuz he there it it's just really easy to just live on the surface of religion and in the service of faith service of Prayer but honestly it is just see honestly I crave you know a lot of times faith development is involuntary meaning like there are just certain levels of Prayer you won't go to volunteer there just certain levels of faith you won't demonstrate voluntarily they're just scenarios where you just have to be pushed and and God has to has to kind of stretch you even kind of get your whip because it's weird because we pray things like that for my friend no geez make me more like GT and because we're under the assumption that like hey is this thing that's just gonna be implanted or imparted my faith has to be developed you don't like paint like there's a patient's feel no there's only one medium by which we get patients in James says it is tribulation there is northern decadence no other path to to patients outside of tribulation and so I think that you know there are things that we want spiritually but then we despise the the processes that produce them and so like you know like I'm not you know I'm trying to sound Looby spiritual but at the end of the day like I'm never like in Trier like oh man excited man man I'm thankful man this hardship and I'm I'm loving this in the moment but I do believe in what it produces and and and I kind of tell my churches all time it's kind of like exercise like all exercise is it's just voluntary something it is literally you putting your body through pain voluntarily you pay to go to a fitness club to you know to experience pain but the reason you put your body through thing involuntarily is because you believe and what it produces strength of body trim waist you know saying get muscle development you do that voluntarily because you believe in what it produces and what I'm saying is I think trials the same way I don't it's not enjoyable in the moment but I can't say the man I am I've seen this woman transform like I mean she was always a godly woman like this not like she just is some derelict person like he was a godly person but who she is now it was because she was willing to allow herself to go through this process that helped transform her into who she is now the other thing I want to say is that for both of us faith was kind of two different things for her it was clinging to that promise though for me faith was saying okay Lord I'm willing to accept whatever you allow so like for me faith was like the three Hebrew boys our God is able to deliver us but even if not you know we won't bow down we'll still praise the that you know true in the guy so for me it was like okay I I know God is able you know I believe this with my whole heart but even if not I will still pray praise preach live you know I'm saying even if not and so I think you know faith we're kind of function in two different ways for me it was kind of like now this this has to happen you you do certain things it supposed to give a certain outcome you know you still live under that happy ending theology which is false teaching not everybody has been happy or ideal ending that's not true but I think part of it was just being willing to say alright Lord whatever what come what may you know I'm gonna be I'm gonna have any Joel kind of faith come with me I'm gonna continue to walk with you so faith kind operated differently within both of our experiences even as we're functioning as you yeah yes powerful powerful and so we've got you've heard the word of the Lord say that you will have a baby you tell Deb he's like you know what takes place makes emotionally spiritually like we just need to breathe and just take some time to heal and over that time you know again we're just kind of walking with God and it's funny because you have people come up to you who are like you know they see that you've lost again and again and they don't want to see you go through that so they begin to prophesy or declare or suggest that you know maybe you're just not supposed to have children you know maybe you all are just supposed to dedicate your life to ministry maybe you are supposed to just you know adapt or and all those things are fine but that's not what we had heard from God you know and so we would talk about those things and say you know what maybe we shouldn't or maybe maybe we are and I remember dad you know you know I hate seeing you go through this but I don't believe that we've received that word that we're not supposed to have children and so we went to a high-risk specialist met with him and he laid out a plan and I remember we walked into his office to do the consultation Mason and these are not people with malice in their hearts these are well-intentioned people and I think to her point sometimes we are okay processing our pain but we are get real awkwardly trying to help people process their pain that's just kind of jabbering giving you know suggestions to collect declarations on so forth because they just didn't want to want to see us hurt anymore but I do that's why I think it's really really clear when you're kind of working through that you are hearing God for yourself because they're people that can literally talk to you out of faith talk you out of the promises of God they'll assume that because certain things did not work out for them you know it's not going to work out for you and they're just trying to prepare you for the worst even with good intentions but I do think that every in every faith journey a person has to be hearing that with clarity because even your pastor you're spiritually you know whoever it is and I'm not saying that you don't get godly counsel I'm I'm not saying that but at the end of the day you got to be persuaded in your own mind you got to be hearing the voice of the Lord for yourself or you literally get suggested right out of your faith well yeah and there were people around us too who were speaking faith you know there was a woman who had lost eight babies at our church it's you just like you're gonna be a mom you're gonna be okay you gotta keep trying and so people around us like that who were just like you're gonna be a mom one day you're gonna have children that kind of stuck in the back of my head and so he walked into to do the consultation and he had that painting of Jesus leaning over the desk of the diner and I was like we're in the right place thank you God and so we met with him we just had a really good feeling about him and you know you just like this is what we're gonna do we're gonna monitor you weekly we're gonna put you on some different medications and they came to found out that the reasons I kept losing the baby was because I have a blood clotting disorder that prevents the blood flow from getting to the baby and so they were like we're gonna put you on blood thinners I want you to start now taking aspirins you're gonna take injections in your stomach every day but you can have a baby we have a plan this is gonna happen for you and so before we knew it we said we needed a year God said is now and so we had delivered our baby in January by that September we were pregnant again and I remember when I told her we were pregnant we both kind of like what we're not ready to get on this emotional roller coaster because by now any time we tell our families were pregnant it wasn't like yeah it was kind of like oh Jesus you know let me get out the knee pads get on our faces you know it was just kind of like we can't get excited you know and so it was just kind of a weird feeling but we were just like all right guys here we argued let's go on this journey and it was just kind of like a faith journey an everyday thing and of course we dealt with fear anxiety any time I lost symptoms any time I didn't feel the baby kick it was just like what's happening Oh God but thankfully we had a team that every single week they were monitoring us so by the time we got to the delivery moment we knew that we wanted to name him Jaden because Jehovah had heard our prayer our name meant and so we couldn't even hardly get the word out there was rejoicing in our church and in her family and just with us I mean when we first saw him yeah I was in tears we just when we got him home we were just literally just had him on the floor in the car seat Aaron crying praising God it was just a surreal moment like we finally got to walk out of a hospital with a baby in our arm and just the fact that God blessed us especially for me knowing that I had turned my back on God the fact that He blessed me anyway was just very humbling and we're just thankful to have a healthy baby couple years later baby girl Brooke Elise she came along okay we're like then we tuned through two or three ladies Thor did few months after her you know our youngest son Brayden Braden Levi was born so you have Brooke and you Jaden our first two so we named Braden it's combination of the first two names Brooke and Jaden's without Braden then we name is Nate his middle name Levi which means join two babies joined to Brooke and Jaden so you know God gave us three healthy beautiful energetic kids and and the thing that is so amazing to me because there was a several I guess so there's a stretch to it like we would not have any kids and here we are with a house full of children yeah it's crazy and I think one of the things it shows is that you can't forecast the weather two years from now based on the outlook today they're just you know there's a snare and we just looked impossible like it would not happen the doors were closed and I would just give anybody that admonition who was persevering to say no don't don't make a forecast you know I'm saying three years from now based upon the fact that it's raining today don't assume that it'll still be raining three years from now because one of the things that God does is you know God controls every scenario his his timing is impeccable it is not be it's not comfortable but God's timing is impeccable and I do believe it's perfect God gave me and I just want to encourage somebody who may feel like well you know we already have one child we wanted another one and you're afraid to ask are you afraid to say okay well we're already so blessed you know one of the promises God gave me was found in Psalm 139 which says he settles the barren woman in her home that's the happy mother of children mmm for me after we had Jaden our hearts were overwhelmed overwhelmed with joy but I wanted more you know and when I saw that promise and it children was for me and so the claim that promise and I was like God I'm praying for children and I you know God loves when we you know ask in faith he doesn't always answer the way we want but hey you don't hurt that door or blessing us I'm feeling I cut more than than what we were asking for yeah so what will be your most important piece of advice you would give to someone who seemingly feels hopeless um so I mean part of it we kind of we expressed about it about God's timing like I just they're just certain things that and I was sharing this with someone yeah they're just certain things that just look then there are certain things that look like they won't ever change until they do and so there are times where in the journey of faith we just we want to see momentum we want to see it progression we let this African feel my help coming on like man I can I can feel a shifting in the atmosphere no I don't know that you always are gonna have that feeling that sensation this idea of build-up I think that there are times where you know with the promise of God contradicts your personal reality what you got to do is make a decision to not side with your perceived reality you got to really be willing to stand on the premise of God even when it contradicts literally what you are looking at at that moment in time because one of the things that the Neon Bible says and number three is that God is not a man that he that he should lie or the son of man that he should change his mind will he say and not do what he promised it and not fulfill it and so you know one of the things I just want to say to somebody who is standing on promise today um you know I need you to know that when it looks like you know the reality is in contradiction with the promise it the promise is not a lot it's your reality or perceived reality that's lying to you you know when reality says God is not going here we all exist God is not clear when you reality is God can't come true when reality says things won't ever change it's the reality that's lying to you it is not the promise of God and so the thing that I would just say is you just got to make sure that you stand on the promises of God that you align yourself with whatever God says despite what you see in that giving day because see the truth is and the other thing as I was gonna say you gotta continue to persevere in prayer like Luke 18 the parable of the persistent Widow is written for our admonition that men should always pray and not faint and one of the things I was gonna say is that there'll be times where you don't know pastor or just a Blair I did pray about it at one time or you know I prayed about it all last year know they're actually gonna be some things like this scenario we're describing that you will be praying about over some years floor or some things that you'll be playing and praying about for the right spots or to have kids or in your career but you will have to persevere in those things in those petitions there are certain prayers and we pray the same prayer for years before you know we had to break through with with our first child so I would just add - anybody to persevere in prayer to not give up your petition and to make sure that you you know kind of surround yourself with people that are praying because there be some times when you just need some mighty intercessors to pray we don't have the words to pray when you don't have gumption to pray the energy of the mind to pray you need to have some people that just can be standing in the gap for you and the reason I'm saying - to persevere in prayer is because like you already know what's gonna happen if you don't pray you'll never know what can be unlocked right you don't try it the diseases don't kill if you don't pray is gonna be a divorce if you don't pray you won't get the job you already know what's gonna happen if you don't pray all you gonna do is you gonna have to yo yield to whatever the immediate reality of your face but you'll never know what can be done until you persevere and and really push through and they don't thing is I want to say it's just that like you know their times in athletics or in sports you know athletes get what they call a second in running or marathon run it's the second win and it's funny because scientists don't even really know exactly what it is they can't really accurately describe it but it's just like you reach this point of exhaustion and when you feel like you can't go anymore you get what's called the second way that allows you to go through a little further and what some suggest is that your body has pockets of energy and strength that you don't even tap into until you push past your immediate exhaustion come on Jessie is that there there there's a their pockets of strength faith reserves that God has put on the inside of us that you don't get access to until you push through your immediate exhaustion the desire to give up because again I understand the desire to give up is something that everybody faces the desire to to give up is it is real and one of the things I'll say is that there's a certain peace we're giving up so don't assume that just because you have peace playing it I didn't say God peace it's just you know you're no longer burdened because you're not trying you're not believing you don't have expectations so there there is a certain relief that comes with that but I think a godly peace is it is an inward peace that transcends every circumstance that sustains you even in that prolonged period of wait I tell my church all the time faith then died on the operating table baby dies in the waiting room that that's where we have to learn how to abide and trusting God because honestly we would all want all have faith if circumstances turned around right away like I mean I can believe I can believe for a week I can't believe proper to eat still I'm saying but it's when things look like they will not change will I abide in faith will I continue to trust God and let me just say this faith is not a feeling feeling it's not pretty like they're gonna be days where you just don't feel like it and they're gonna be days where you feel like you don't have faith like honestly in the big box baby this is the bar so level it's so low that's it all you're gonna have is a muscle see faith we can sit we're no giant fee I mean like we're not trying to talk like we got the market cornered like list these stretches but we just had mustard seed and God just didn't arrest and so that's that those are some things I'll just share with somebody who is feeling hopeless eating this moment yeah yeah I love it I love it gianna last question I've been seeing you preach all over the world sharing your testimony why now well if I could just maybe accent yeah for those that no doubt she is you know so it's it's weird I'm more introverted people don't realize that she's more a little bit more extroverted but in terms of being more verbose and just being upfront that's more me so like you know Indiana could avoid just it personally standing in front of an audience or microphone or camera like that's kind of her innate nature but so again when we talk about the the experiences that this that the transformation that this experience rocked um God was not just giving birth to kids God was you know giving birth to you know a ministry and a story that has basically kind of pushed her to this point so like I just remember a couple years ago before you go with this cheerleader as I said a priest a woman's day and so she was just looking for me to help her get out of it or figure out a way to say no you know goal is to always stay in our ministry lanes to not feel like I have to do this like I don't sing and just be where God has us but like through it all God had been growing a ministry that a lot of people well but then there were some dormant gifts that God was stirring up ah and what god no the skeleton was always there but through the experiences God was putting meat on the bones and so that's maybe see anyone else of course see that's telling ya you know I had always read rick warren you know The Purpose Driven Life he always says god never wastes the hurt and that is connected with our pain and so I have been praying that clear like God you know I've had these miscarriages and I have this testimony how are we gonna connect that to my purpose and the more I kept praying that prayer the more I kept getting invited to speak and to sing and to you know and I ended up starting a ministry for people who are waiting on baby called they that wait ministry and you know in a group me there's 80 women in there that are being prayed over daily that God would make them the mother of children and so that's just like I said it's just been birthed out of my pain and when God has brought you out of something how can you say I know like God do any women you can use me honor to do it yeah well guys I just want to thank you guys for spending some time here at the safe space well thank you for being transparent and vulnerable with your your testimony uh often people think leaders it'll go through anything but you guys are transparent richer story a transparent which our faith lack of faith the trials and tribulations and I believe that this safe space will give someone the opportunity to have more hope to be healed from depression to to just see things from a different point of view and so I praise God for you I love you guys man been praying for your ministry and I will continue to support Gianna you are not only a preacher but you're also photographer and so is their website that some of these people that may want to get some look are you still taking pictures during this time are you you did a little social distancing or how you doing that yeah we're doing social distance to do it and you know thankfully I'm in a profession where I don't have to be right up on you know I got my long lens and we're able to still work so definitely look at me up on the WWE is now photography.com I would be happy to capture your pictures and as well as pastor Snell you're at First Church bound in Huntsville wasn't our website that we can come and check you out here some of your sermons or even the address if we're in town we can come spend some time with you oh yeah the Huntsville area 13:03 Evangel Drive but you can't get spiritual content from our website first SDA church comm or from our Huntsville from our YouTube page Huntsville first SDA church our Facebook page hence your first SDA church also awesome we thank you guys we love you guys and we thank you again for spending some time here at this safe space yeah thanks let me just say this thank you for what you're doing we appreciate you creating this context not just for people to share but hopefully for people to you know hear real stories that kind of impact them where they are in the hearing now so appreciate YouTube praise God for you guys we hope you enjoy tonight safe space if you're interested in a more intimate conversation please join us for off the record this upcoming Wednesday at 7 p.m. central please see the slide for details and remember all are welcome

Channel: Riverside Nashville RTV

Views: 6,234

Rating: 4.9148936 out of 5

Keywords: church, riverside, riverside chapel, know, grow, sow, youth, young adults

Id: Ya3ocm1qsdc

Length: 61min 47sec (3707 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 12 2020