Robert Kelly in studio - Bill & Hillary's Relationship, Trump - Jim Norton & Sam Roberts

welcome to Jim Norton and Sam [Music] Roberts hey my wife's vagina smells good morning it's uh Bill Clinton and Sam Roberts my wife's got sticky underarms Bill we're on the air All She Wants To Do Is lick coder what a great story so much going on this morning Bob Kelly will be here there's an awesome Donald Trump clip that we have to play but yeah I mean I thought of you as soon as I read this story that Bill Clinton's longtime lover which like you don't know if it's true right but I don't not believe it sure from the 70s and the 80s she it's uh one of Bill Clinton's longtime lovers revealed uh how Bill moaned his sex life with his wife because uh she had greasy hair body odor but she wanted a baby to dispel the rampant lesbian rumors my wife's hair looks like a dish rag then inside of Hillary's pant he smell like a carp if you wanted a if you wanted a baby so badly so that people would stop calling you a lesbian wouldn't you just wash your [ __ ] hair like wouldn't there be some kind of art of of Seduction being done yeah I told her to gargle your mouth smells like [ __ ] it's like just wash under your arms you know what I mean like you and and and lesbians it doesn't mean you don't shower just because you're a lesbian I mean women appreciate somebody that smells good as well Hillary came to me one night she said Bill they're calling me a dock around the office come in me and his love is just sitting there like bill there's a lot of information you're unloading on me is it really that bad or my wife's scalp smells like the underside of a [Laughter] wig it says uh Bill Clinton is a sex addicted my wife watches Ellen with a zucchini in her vagina you know if you're this says Bill Clinton is a sex addicted quote monster if if you're a sex addicted monster and your wife's body odor is too bad and hair is too greasy to have sex with we're in trouble yeah my wife smelled too bad I had to go in the kitchen and [ __ ] tuna [Laughter] sub he said uh Bill uh mocked Hillary Clinton by calling her the warden in front of his friends and privately boasted about his high Notch count according to his longtime mistress and childhood friend Dolly Kyle dolly dolly get over here and sit on my face Hillary's [ __ ] smells like a can of sard beans Bill why don't you just talk to your wife about it I can't her breath smells like [ __ ] she C got a pubic hair in my face and it wasn't a men's pubic hair no it wasn't no um the 68-year-old woman Dolly Kyle uh says she had a decades long affair with the former president oh no that's D Kyle that looks like d oh no Hillary with the former president before and during his marriage and had a front row seat to build salacious double life in the 70s and 8s oh Bill had a double life cuz his wife was a stinky lesbian allegedly my wife smells like an [ __ ] and plays for the Liberty my wife Combs her hair with krisco their on again off again relationship ended abruptly in the 1990s after Bill Clinton allegedly threatened to destroy Kyle if she spoke to the media about their relationship Clinton looks weird when you look at the old pictures of him like in the 70s he had that full head of hair black he looks weird with jet black hair yeah he does like go down and go keep going the one the ones we just saw uh he looks like he looks like a young black man right all yes he young africanamerican yeah uh right there he's had jet black weird it looked weird on him it's weird for both of them looking at Hillary and Bill Young because they've become such political monsters that the idea that they were ever like young human beings is alarming I'm looking at a young photo of Hillary Clinton though I could see her having stinky pits absolutely you know I could see her putting that backpack on going for a sweaty walk and maybe not applying uh anti-perspirant properly yeah she spends all day lawyering that gets into bed smells like a homeless person yeah she's sitting there with her with her sport coat on arguing in a court of law you know hands are moving all over the place and she's getting all passionate about trying to get somebody off but what happens she gets all sweaty and she doesn't like deodorant I raped a girl she got her off that she put her dirty [ __ ] on my face yeah oh do uh Dolly said that the clintons uh attacks on her reputation and alleged attacks on other women who had relationships with or were assaulted by Bill Clinton uh showed that Hillary Clinton is not a supporter of women or sexual of of sexual violence yeah she's not a supporter of sexual violence she's not a supporter of women who are victims of sexual violence yeah I would say if if Hillary is trying to silence a woman who was abused because she doesn't want her coming out uh about being a lesbian with greasy hair yeah that's probably a bit selfish yeah it really is my wife's hair smells like a foot and looks like wet spaghetti oh worse than greasy hair on a woman oh greasy hair it just means you don't wash stinks greasy hair stinks H used to just slick her hair back but there was no product in it no just grease natural Bill your body is built to clean itself oh that's what she would say too look your body the vagina is like a selfcleaning oven she learned all her all her cleaning tips from her lesbian friends Hillary would just be like no you know Laura was telling me that you don't actually it's actually bad for your scalp to shampoo once a week I don't do it that often you don't need to clean it for him that's it let him enjoy the way you are yeah it's not his story it's her story and your story is about having hair the way God put it on your head there's a lot of the women that like that the hippie mentality they think that it's going to self clean in the body you don't shouldn't shower too much prob stinky pits that wouldn't bother me that bothers him the body does not selfclean if if a woman I get it having a little bit of an aroma but you're saying if she had legit stinky pits like this is a woman with body odor it doesn't bother you uh it depends on what the body chemistry is sometimes it really turns me on really like like bad like this stinks like body odor yeah I used to let my make my ex High my ex girlfriend I used to tell her don't put deodorant on uhhuh until she's stunk and we were walking in a restaurant and people were turning and looking at her she smelled so bad I was so and you liked it went crazy that your little turn on yeah maybe not Robert Kelly yeah I'm an official I'm an official guest I saw you show in the past just let you know in case you were like why I walked in cuz I have the pass you got the pass yes you do dude it's so funny you're talking about stinking yeah I hate that you don't like it yeah you love it I do on the right person the chemistry is good I enjoy it what does that mean sometimes body chemistry is weird it's like when you kiss somebody sometimes their mouth tastes weird like if you have good body chemistry with somebody I like that that smell so it just is it because everybody has a different smell or it just hits you differently my was [ __ ] smells like Bob's omelette there's a story about one of uh Bill Clinton's ex-lovers you know from the 70s and 80s and she's coming forward and saying that bill used to always complain to her because Hillary had body odor and greasy hair but she wanted but she wanted to get knocked up because wanted people to stop calling her a lesbian but Bill didn't want to have sex with her cuz she's stunk and had greasy hair oh my God was like [ __ ] a Reuben I like rubben but if a girl smelled like one I wouldn't like it not so good right Reuben is one of my favorite things in the world but if a girl smelled like one I throw you love Ruben but would you want to impregnate one I don't think so probably not I would I wouldn't want to eat an ass that smelled like birthday cake like great food do not transl no I would like it to be a little human I'm not a food guy I don't like food and sex either that makes me puke like n and a half weeks when they [ __ ] by the fridge and they poured all that stuff oh yeah right did they pour food on each other yeah they had all kinds of whipped cream and chocolate sauce it's like does nothing for me me neither chocolate sauce there a [ __ ] looks like [ __ ] yeah just a sticky mess she had a bad Taco just [ __ ] Yu yeah yeah I don't like food I don't want any whipped cream on the nipple no yeah no because the uh you didn't see that Varsity Blues scene isn't that the movie Varsity Blues when I think Ali Larder maybe came out wearing a a whipped cream bikini and everybody went nuts for her oh my God so sexy all you got to do to get her naked throw water on her that's nice [ __ ] bikini disappears like the witch yeah and then it goes down into her her vagina and then her butt Juice mix some sweet Tangy Tangy metallicy that's kind of sexy though cuz she's pretty naked under that that's sexy because it's it's just hid it's the only thing between you and her tits is whipped cream but you're right though you go down on her and even if you catch like a hint of whipped cream down there you're like G this is leftovers from before you'd think I'd love that yeah no be my thing but no you have separate interests food yeah I I compartmentalize right there's a spot for food and a spot for sex is that Hillary yeah that's that bad what she didn't look that bad back then her hair does not look greasy it looks Dy out in that photo but it doesn't look greasy yeah it looks very dry looks very dry Halloween wig yeah yeah it does it looks very dry but it doesn't look greasy but this is a very young photo of her this is when she was in college and and I could definitely she's wearing like pants and a smart shirt I could see her having stinky pits in that photo she's probably good in bed though I bet Hillary's good in bed if you're a girl no she's prob bisexual if you're know a scissor I think she brought home some girls for Bill you think they ever had a threesome no I bet they did Bill all you he is Hillary getting whopped off the bed just fall just being pushed off by Bill's ass how about when they were younger they did and then they tried to do it once when they were older but they started having second thoughts and they had the third person killed the other girl was like what what's that mothball smell oh that's my my chick's [ __ ] yeah I dreamt that I was in a garbage dump but Hillary had turned the f on is that your bill impression it's not good I like it I like it not good but he probably liked it back then like he probably when he was young he probably didn't mind that Hillary stunk she was like a hippie but when he got older and he got a little power cuz you get the power you get the women well that happens with Fame too I mean a lot of guys uh before they're famous the little nerdy they're banging like theater chicks like dumpy girls and then they get this Fame and all of a sudden they're banging El right once you realize you can get a sweet smelling Dolly Kyle Dolly's the one that came out that's probably she was probably a dish back in 1974 though look at her she was yeah yeah she was [ __ ] hot Dolly Kyle that blabber mouth she asked about Hillary I said oh [ __ ] this [ __ ] got a dick can you can you side by side those girls what Dolly Kyle and young Hillary Clinton yeah can you that kind why I was just want you know you can you know just to see where you measure up sometimes you feel like a nut sometimes don't right right my wife smells like usin bolt she looks like fog horn legghorns nephew I can't keep an erection yeah but Bill can I just say something Bill Bill didn't deserve the chick on the left what whatever her name is he he didn't Des he wasn't that good-looking either he was an ugly he was Hillary's they kind of should go together he's a very Charming dude he can talk you know he can got that that that uh Little Rock Arkansas used car salesman thing going for him I I yeah and in Little Rock as soon as he started getting political power he started to become a dude a guy you know what I mean but he but he okay yeah exactly but he doesn't deserve her physically right no no no he had to do a lot extra yeah if he worked at you know you know uh helping children right the YMCA making macaroni vases someone just tweeted a photo of them when they were younger it's weird to see them together like that bill with a beard you know a few pounds overweight with Two Beards yeah cuz when you actually see them together they could literally both be the Pres like you could literally be standing with two presidents of the United States it's bizarre yeah it's bizarre they look like that too when you see him young also like cuz you know for years they've been planning some kind of this political takeover they've had political aspirations for a very long time when you see them young it's like you wonder at what point did they become [ __ ] Claire and Frank under you know what I mean like when you see them they're just kids they might have actually been in love at some point I'm sure they were in love there Bill's all Apple cheek he's probably his bill was Bill was [ __ ] at that point though he [ __ ] other you tell in his face yeah right now he's got his head leaned back asz his [ __ ] wife's pit odor is wafting up out of yeah bill is happy in that photo cuz he's getting laid that night I'd like to eat apple pie out of Melania Trump's vagina but look at the clothes Hillary wore that's why she stunk she was literally wearing curtains my wife's dressed like a couch you think Bill would complain that uh Hillary's pits wouldn't stink as bad if she wasn't wearing a puler her her [ __ ] dress is a scotch Garden yeah she looks good right there she do stop buying your clothes at Huffman C Huffman C you think bill has made any inappropriate comments about Melania Trump during this election cycle at he when he shook her hand he was pilot let's just ditch these two zeros I'm kidding but I'm not your husband's fat your husband's fat my wife's [ __ ] smells like Staten Island oh that's a [ __ ] hilarious story she goes uh uh it says the two became good friends and dated casually through high school and later began a sexual Affair in 1974 after Kyle and her first husband divorce this is Dolly Kyle he met Hillary at uh at at college right College yeah she's I mean she's smoking smoking back I mean she is really hot oh Dolly Kyle is throwing her under the bus let me tell you something still looks good yeah you know but Dolly Kyle thought she was gonna end up with Bill that's why she's got Venom in her listen to this quote Dolly now years later this from the 70s as as a woman in her 60s she goes to whatever this was the Daily Mail and she says she was shocked by Hillary's unemp appearance poor hyd poor hygiene and matronly clothes and didn't believe it was the same girl that Bill had moved in with matronly she's a terrible dresser and bad hygiene Hillary is a terrible dresser it's really bad when they say you have bad hygiene cuz then it's like you're just not accomplishing a life skill you know what I mean like you don't have the ability you don't wash yeah you know you have poor hygiene my wife's gums smell like dried sweat you know she's stunk I've said this before but the older women get they they start to dress like Starship commanders yeah with the jacket on with the things they all look like Captain Kirk with they all have Smart jackets with the shoulder buttons on them shoulder pads and like you know [ __ ] some type of uh some type of Medal they won that they didn't win pants suits do they look like women's pants suits look like futuristic men's suits yeah Hillary is the worst with that though her are cuz it's all the same color from head to toe doly keep it down my wife's home I think I hear her that's so [ __ ] mean Hillary's a bit monochromatic [ __ ] she really is monochromatic good word look at the look at the what whoa whoa Jim you're getting carried away with your with your soundboard Jimmy I broke something if we can't trust you with the gadgets we won't give them to you hey Mars was getting upset with you over there I broke something I love when something goes wrong and Mars gives this look like what that [ __ ] idiot do this time no Mar Mars is like that sounds bad I hope I can fix it what happened broke this is uh uh Dolly Kyle says she picked up I picked up Billy at the airport this is just she calls him Billy now just to ever just to really drive the point home of how familiar they were you know what I mean she says I picked Billy up at the airport and he had this uh doy looking middle-aged woman with him this woman was Hillary God oh my God she's just trash in Hillary and Bill was shocked when she I can't believe my wife took a shower where did cheese go know what the [ __ ] was that um she's the worst dresser she goes uh uh I thought it was a she should be in Guardians of the Galaxy that coat sucks with that long coat that goes past her knees didn't Joseph wear that coat it really is it's a Technicolor Dream Coat isn't it oh that's funny it really is nobody should wear coats male or female to go past your knees well if you're in a band yeah if you're in a band right if you're in a band you can wear that [ __ ] but if you're not you can't wear if you're in a band or if you're going to shoot up a High School in Colorado coat is garbage that bitch's jacket looks like she wearing rugs and [ __ ] Bob made the curtain thinging chip Dolly says uh I thought it was a Hillary impersonator because she looked so bad and she smelled so bad think it was Hillary Hillary looks like Paul Williams with the glasses oh no oh yeah she really does she looks like he's camouflage her shirts look like mocks yeah they're not good yeah well I mean what are you going to do I mean you can't you got to you could do better than Hillary's doing especially if she's stinks which we're finding out today in the news uh apparently she reportedly does stink today still I believe so no is that real people saying that she smells doly yes he said that Dolly Kyle right now is just speaking to her time and saying she she was a woman who couldn't dress and smelled bad probably back then but not there's no way there's no way she smells now and in the middle when she was the first lady they actually made she actually started looking a lot better they took her glasses off her hair was done it wasn't that hay hair right she actually looked all right when she was the first lady she wasn't that bad yeah she was um she's not bad like right there to the left he Bill actually made he went to the lady and goes make this [ __ ] look like somebody I'd [ __ ] she's embarrassing me last being introduced him to my mama I got to tell you something what he styled her to look a little more like Dolly C that's what I'm saying he he looks look at that he he gave he gave Hillary the dolly haircut he gave her a picture of Dolly and said make her look like this make her look like doll and make her smell like this too and she stinks my wife smells like manure you think Hillary had didn't wash her vagina oh it was probably awful but she pulls all her pet PES it sounds like a fruit rollup you think she smells like a jet blue sandwich it's been pre-made and just sitting in a drawer for two days just those purple onions she smells like purple onions oh wow man poor Hillary I know she can't get a break huh you talking about she's almost president but she's still I mean she doesn't need people coming out and saying she's a bad and This Woman's also saying Dolly saying she was a sex addict and so was Bill like dolly was a sex addict Hillary was not Hillary was she said she doesn't know if Hillary was a lesbian but she knows that Hillary wanted a kid and that's another thing like if you're Chelsea Clinton do you want to read an article that's like oh they decided to have me so that nobody would think my mom was a lesbian do you think do you think you think Chelsea and Hillary had to talk about they probably don't pay attention but you know there's that one moment where Chelsea like did she really just right dump in her so people wouldn't Hillary's like oh another one these [ __ ] articles right Chelsea and Chelsea's like yeah just looking at her mother like there's too many of these to not be true how funny it would plus you did stink when I was a little girl yeah none of the kids would have parties at our house you smelled like a derer yeah you always SM you always smelled like a dish used to Chuck deodorants at me in school said these are for your mom my wife's vagina smells like lolium after you've clean vomit off it smell like clean lenium no you know that puke smell that lingers hey what if none of it's true yeah she never stunk at all she never stunk they were in love from the beginning right he he banged one chick by you know and got caught and the Hillary and they had the best family life she was great in bed they [ __ ] all the time right and none of it's true yeah I think that there's very little chance of that happening cu the one confirmed case is him shoving a cigar up an intern's [ __ ] you don't start with that exactly I didn't know what that cigar was by the way start using a [ __ ] like a humidor that's after 30 years of extramarital frolicking he's dipping he's dipping in her [ __ ] cut like a bourbon yo Boys by way we were talking yesterday about wanting to get a billboard for this show I think that needs to be our tagline you don't start by using a [ __ ] like a humidor my God yeah no I don't I think that bill uh why would he stick a cigar in a [ __ ] woman he's the president and he's done it all he's just being dirty like I want to taste this later I bet it was how would it made it dirtier cuz it's illegal oh yeah he's like you know I'm not even supposed to have these and then right up or TW it went H this yeah that was the role playing game that they went that the police were coming in and bill was like where am I going to hide the cigar it was lit couldn't find his ass I got to go out there y for it's waiting for me I bet he just did that so he could think of it when he smoked when he smoked it in front of his wife or in front of his friend he could think of her he probably he he probably dipped the the the lit side so when he smoked it it he tasted her [ __ ] oh yeah you think that you think that uh uh he would smoke the cigars with Monica in the room in front of his wife and then that way him and Monica would know you know Hillary didn't smell it I don't know Hillary may have a six sense for that stuff God damn it Hillary keeps eating my cigars he just Hillary looks like a bad dog he walks into the room like what happened to the cigars and Hillary just has cigar debris all over her chin going I don't know yeah I heard a clunk and I caught her rooting through the hum door Hillary said I get [ __ ] as long as I dip cigars in [ __ ] your favorite treat for a birthday I just put a candle in a cigar he just he just had to keep fixing her cigars for her and you wouldn't even smell the vagina on the cigar no but you'd know some of them you would you'd know you know what I mean I'm sure it's just a psychological thing I think you'd smell Monica's you think so yeah she was a she was a kind of big girl she was a chubby girl for sure chubby girl probably hot she was thick it's probably hot depends on what timee of day it was oh yeah did she just get to the office did she take the train oh no she it would have been a an evening after a day of wearing a wool dress you know wow you were pants yeah you smelled that yeah yeah yeah no I think it was I think there was there was something psychological about him smoking the cigar while Hillary was in the room and Monica was in there too well she looks good now Monica huh yeah she looks good I mean back then she was uh right she looked like no she looked like Bill's type she was like she was like kind of a wow chubby a little trashy bangs you know what I mean she looks good really good now yeah she does look good now is she married imagine [ __ ] well that'd be a tough one to get over try to get a blow no I'd love it she try to get a [ __ ] you're come like to you think it'd be tough to get over if it was your wife yeah and your Costco and every old lady keeps looking at your wife and kid you look familiar yeah you have to lie oh I'd be fine with it on a personal level really but not you're right the public thing of people coming up to you and be like oh your wife's the one that blew oh [ __ ] she'd have to get shirts to I suck the president's dick right just to get it out of the way just to get in just to be in on it right just so just so this is on the table that fat Linda trip ruined everything yeah she did Bill was having a hell of a time what does she look like now Linda trip well I I I hope her hotness held up I do too cuz she was really cute yeah she was really cute back oh my God she doesn't look bad she actually looks a lot she got her [ __ ] together she was such a monster look at her up there look look like Howard Stern oh yeah she does she looks like [ __ ] L do you think she was flattered that SNL remember when SNL used to do parodies of her do you remember who played her John Goodman you think you think she was flattered that John they picked John Goodman to play her but if you look at that photo on the right I mean it looks like John Goodman yeah John Goodman would be a good pick I mean look at that photo she looks much better she's hiding the neck with that thing she wears her she a ton of plastic surgery she looks like [ __ ] Charlotte Nash after the chimp attack when she got all put together look at John Goodman I'll tell you exactly too Lauren Michaels is responsible for that woman having all that plastic surgery 100% John John Goodman makes her look really fat and ugly you think so yeah John Goodman they look so can you imagine being a lady being a woman being born female you're a woman you have a femininity about you and you're like oh I guess SNL is going to skewer me this week I wonder who they're going to pick to play me maybe and you turn it on and it's not any of the A-list actresses it's John Goodman if you're a man that's insulting could you could you be imagine could you imagine being her friends having to lie you don't look like John Goodman you know they're out of line the thing about the the thing about the John Goodman pick is it's not even funny it doesn't look like you so it's not funny not at all more like Gerard deard do you Ling piece of [ __ ] all our friends stink but when she's not around they're all laughing at it they're all having the time of their lives it says uh Bill CL kept it's a uh girka cigars you know girka cigars Bobby I do they're very nice are they very nice cigar yeah I mean he kept uh uh several inside sources have confirmed that the girka cigars uh were indeed the cigars used between Monica Lewinsky and Bill Clinton I would have used the grand coone tatah is the very big one I call it the Wesley Snipes when I put it in my mouth is that what you fantasize about it actually change the end of it goes from ashy to nice dark black when you put it in your mouth oh gymn nose yeah I don't smoke cigars in a way oh got weird quick though got got very real very fast why would why would Monica could tell anyone that he put the cigar in their [ __ ] Bill Clinton didn't offer that up they I did not have sexual relations with that woman I did put a cigar on your [ __ ] yeah is that cheating that's not technically sex he didn't say that so why would she have said that she thought this is Monica had her own problem she thought she was having girl talk with Linda trip and she recorded it and she recorded it on her Little Flower lapel is that it yeah yeah that's what SNL would have John Goodman as Linda trip and just like sitting basically on top of her going like what was that Monica and just pointing the the brooch yeah right at her face when the trip is gross yeah yeah but she recorded her telling the story she thought she was just uh confiding in Linda trip why would Linda trip know that she was going to tell her something and why would she she had obviously talked to her before yeah so she talked to her before and then figured I'm going to get this on tape well yeah because Linda had a a bone to pick with Bill and where do you get a flower lapel microphone The Spy Store I mean back because back then now it's so easy you just have every as a phone you can do it but back then it was pretty hard but in the 90s they had like brick and mortar spy stores oh yeah like you could go into the Spy Store that was on corner you know none of the [ __ ] the [ __ ] worked once it was terrible the old the old pen uh recorder yeah exactly hey what you say yeah click yeah but the pen was huge it looked like it didn't look like any pen that existed at all you had to hold on your shoulder like a camera plus there was like one sentence worth of ink in it CU it had to be full of electronics so nobody could borrow it like it was it was it was the most suspicious pen there's no branding on it anywhere you couldn't hear anything and then you had no idea how to get the audio off of it yeah what I the president's C put a my [ __ ] I say that again put a SC my [ __ ] well it's hard to tell from the recording but she's saying that the president shoved a cigar in her [ __ ] ah yeah but she obviously had a major bone to pick because she went to all the trouble of recording that conversation who did she tell it to I don't remember who who who did she go to with that yeah I don't know I think she might have gone to the Press with it first she just immediately went to the Press I think that was the plan for the I love that it backfired though and everybody hated her everyone hated Linda trip for that I it was more cuz she recorded because Monica was a young dumb intern and she recorded her and at least you could be like wow you know Monica was doing what Monica was doing whatever but Linda trip was the one person who was being absolutely malicious about the whole thing the news she went to the news right yeah she went immediately to the Press with it how much money did she make did she make anything I'm sure she didn't make enough that's that's that's maintained she tapes the canth star in exchange for immunity oh okay but why would you need to have immunity I don't know from what if you didn't tell anybody anything why what what has anyone heard has anyone heard those tapes um I don't remember if they've been heard I don't remember if they were played or not but I know the information got out there the information got out there quickly well that's why it's weird everybody's attacking Trump that he's a sexual piece of [ __ ] and he's done all the stuff which I don't know if he's done it's alleged right you know of course and if he's done it he's he is a piece of [ __ ] but you know Bill Clinton did some pretty awful [ __ ] to women too yeah well yeah I mean that's also alleged like maybe maybe that's not alleged yeah but she said like go ahead put a cigar in my [ __ ] you know what I mean if somebody's giving you permit he didn't rape her with a cigar yeah well he's well he there's a ledge stuff for him too yeah he would rap with B in Hedges like all the all the stuff that's confirmed about bill is at least consensual but you're right he's not a great yeah but you did it you stuck as all right when you're teaching kids your kids something yeah you know being the uh the leader of the Free World sticking cigars and interns [ __ ] you're saying he may have taken advantage of a power position he might have you know what I mean I don't know if that's could have you know he might have taken advantage of that could have a reason to look up to him maybe there's something to chub it's like a chubby comic having a good set and getting a hand job somewhere you know what I mean from a hot chick right yeah taking advantage it's literally what all of us would have done of her mood yeah I don't know if I would have shoved a cigar at an intern no not a cigar no no but I mean fooled around with her I don't know if you would Monica would have milked your dick so well Jes you think so could have nursed it it does sound tempting yeah you know good girl especially saying any of us would have done that if we were given that position and we had wives that had bad body odor greasy hair and possibly vaginas that stunk yeah and and didn't want to have sex with us yeah but you're talking about us he he he admitted to being a sex addict didn't he no are you sure he didn't dolly dolly said he was Dolly did yeah Dolly Kyle said he was a sex addict but sex addict she also said that she knocked out Jesse Ventura I mean you know that wasn't dolly that wrong Chris Kyle it's a different you saying you think you think the greatest sniper in the history of the country was also having sex with Bill Clint he was a Master of Disguise you're saying any of us would do the same thing that's not really I mean in this room that's not saying much right you're talking about guys who are supposed to be better they're supposed to be better than us you're the president of the [ __ ] of the Free World you're supposed to be a little better than three [ __ ] in a [ __ ] any of us would do the same thing which is why of us would ever be close to [ __ ] Monica's bent over the the the table with her [ __ ] out just yelling you really think so yeah these are some of the best sound bites ever by the way thank you that's funny well I mean the Donald Trump stuff is just getting creepier there's a you know because he's done so much media everything he's ever done is slowly but surely coming coming out to that's what Howard was talking about when he ran for governor yeah and then he started to win yeah he was like I'm out right I'm [ __ ] gone stop looking CU I'm out cuz on yeah and and and there someone said that this same thing might have happened to him he was like I'll just run for president and then he started winning and he's like what the [ __ ] but his ego won't let him drop out I yeah he should have got the [ __ ] out yeah I don't think that he thought he was going to win this thing yeah or you couldn't have like I think he just went forward being like this would be great I'll just like look like I just get a bunch of press and look like a million bucks and then as he started winning you're right his ego does not allow him it just caught fire because he gave a pretty dumb opening statement or a fairly you know poorly said opening statement and it just resonated with people right yeah I don't think that anybody when he first made the Mexican rapist thing right that's his first speech first to announce he was running for president he's like we're getting the rapist out of here and people are like well this is like a joke right but everybody was like no no no I'm voting for that guy so it became a different thing um I believe it's bringing more in we should relieve Mexico of their problem rapist bring in more rap that's a terrible strategy why why it's helpful we're helpful helpful to Mexico is everyone but why would it be helpful to us well I mean let's be good people get the rapist out of there bring them here are you planning a trip to aapco I you just want it to be rape free zone no I'm actually going to Vacation um right below Warez is that right oh absolutely that sounds I mean should that should be fun sounds like it should be fun her is very tropical I have this really hot blonde I'm going to take down to Warz walk around meet some locals yeah just walk the stre the Open Air Market those are fun yeah dancing in the clubs yeah get drunk yeah Buy around of drinks for everyone with cash [ __ ] oh good and just put the remaining cash right back in your pocket right yeah make sure make [ __ ] with the guy with the the guitar case with guns in it I'll tell them do you know who I am I'm very important back home yeah say this I may not have a lot of money but my parents do well that's not true you should wear a shirt that says I'm fired oh you're fired from Donald Trump wear a trump shirt Trump Hat wear a trump wig make America great again yeah make America great again Donald uh was on Wendy Williams in 2013 oh and this is the tape that came out yesterday you know you were talking about people talking about Donald Trump being kind of a sexual predator or not and look if he forced kisses women which he very well might do cuz he's mentioned it a lot yeah right that's not good you can't force kiss women what about Force kissing men Force kissing men it's a sign of of of dominance and intimidation that's okay straighten them out yeah straighten I'm the I'm the alpha in this room right I'm sure in a business scenario Donald has grabbed Somebody by his two fat cheeks on his face and kissed him right on the mouth and let him know one yeah plant a smooch right here right but you can't do it to a woman um he was on Wendy Williams and Wendy asked him I'm going to let you guess Bobby cuz Jim has seen the clip Wendy had Ivanka and Donald on at the same time yeah and he said what do you two you have the question do you have the question or no the well I don't do you want to just play the question can you do that Adrian and pause it all right don't you [ __ ] this up Adrian don't you [ __ ] this up don't you talk to him like that it's important it's important he was with me first I know but he needs to be disciplined he because let me tell you something he came from you know what dude with a severe lack of discipline and respect well cuz he wasn't there long enough before you sucked him out first of all he was interning for us before you but go on break the [ __ ] what this the game we're playing [ __ ] reality [ __ ] fantasy back to reality quick yeah well the May Fun City just kind of crapped out what the let's listen let's listen to this question from our our guy yeah Adrien we want to know a little bit more about you guys so we play this game here it's called five I'll ask the question Ivanka you answer first and then Dad you answer also okay Ivanka what's the favorite thing you have in common with your father either real estate or Gulf okay well now we got to ask Trump well it's the same question does she ask him or I think he just she just throws it right to Trump it's either real estate or golf what is your favorite thing that you have in common with your father she says Trump said so we make any sense why would he say that he just wanted to hit the button this is what Happ see you like the sound bites cuz they've been in context since you've been here Bob but almost every day they're not in context at all just he just likes to you're not so smart now are you I was in context he just finds excuses to push the buttons I it's kind of Addicting like Hillary's vagina smell that's right yeah not good but there's something about it you keep going back what do you think Bobby was uh the thing for $10,000 what is the thing that Donald and Ivanka have in common that is Donald's favorite uh um Force kissing women you think for you think Ivanka Force kisses women as well I think she K Force kisses women and uh BL and uh light blonde pubic hair so you think Donald will say well it's our pubic care it's the same yes the same okay well let's see I like Pub care and uh taking long long unbroken dumps okay long they run in the Trump family long unbroken a long unbroken dump a b CL oh that's Clinton comes out like soft serve just in that nice even spiral is that right or I like when like a submarine it just sinks oh goes down the pipe just goes down the pipe and half of it sticking up you don't how long it is right you know you pull it out and it's it looks like looks like it's 6 in but if you get a little hook on it a thumb in an index and pull it out around a 12T long you're not supposed to pull it out all right how you going to see how long it is would you want you would want someone to drop that in your mouth and and then it would slowly and then it would stand up and then would just tip gently on the side of your face but if a log falls on your face in the woods does it make a sound no you do it would just stick up and then this slowly gravity would pull it over on your cheek I don't like the detail in which you're telling I you know I'm saying I don't like the [ __ ] the the little tiny details that you're adding to the story you never I mean that would never right like a log sticky let's get back on topic here what do you do with a log when you put it in your mouth right I imagine you feel like a I imagine you feel like a goose does it you think so you feel a little silly but does it skim your teeth oh God damn it or you just do you have to put your lips around your teeth so you don't skim it is there a technique to eating [ __ ] like you know what I mean is there a technique putting a log in your mouth you know so bad language language this is my house thank you I'm glad I'm glad you did that should we find out what the thing that Ivanka and Donald have in common that they that Donald likes the most I say uh the same color pubic here uhhuh and long sh a to head can I guess and long unbroken poops now we'll remind everybody Ivanka she said golf in real estate yes like chip if you want to guess you can feel free probably playing uh [ __ ] monopolies or something cuz that [ __ ] collecting boardwalk and Park Place all that [ __ ] it I hate him just unnecessary I wish Sirius would fire him me too can we just fire chip is that possible is there any way we can fire chip get chip banned from from the building all right let's find out what Donald uh likes so much Donald with your daughter well I was going to say sex but I can't relate that what the [ __ ] doesn't even it's not he was just trying to he jammed a jok in that's all it was yeah it's like it's one of the Twitter trolls just trying to jam a fat joke I was going to say sex yeah that's crazy isn't that a little creepy yeah well it's not even it's understandable he I yeah do you think he wants to have sex with his daughter I don't know I mean no I think he just I think that he sees her as an extension of how awesome he is because he created such a beautiful tall woman yeah and he's sitting there going like how great would she be to [ __ ] cuz he knows how great he is to [ __ ] well meaning like look look at what I created this this amazing piece of ass didn't he once say that if they weren't related he'd be dating her he said that multip the view on The View he said that they made fun of him it was actually a likable clip of him on the view it wasn't likable at all no cuz he was like legitimately laughing when they made fun of him calling him Woody Allen like he they got him and he laughed about it it was funny yeah but it wasn't likable they were making fun of him cuz just said he would date his daughter if [Applause] like I'm the president this is uh this is a great the title of this YouTube video is Donald Trump uh nearly casually remarks about incest with his daughter but what would you do Playboy puta on the cover of the magazine and she had not this is going to be an interesting answer she he does even want you to have a drink I know it would be really disappointing not really but it would depend what was inside the magazine no if she posed it would be fine but if they put her picture on yeah but it depends on what goes inside the magazine right that's this girl's G you assume there'll be nud nude photos right you do assume thaty okay but if there weren't you wouldn't have an issue with it then if they were using her to I don't think Ivanka would do that inside the magazine although she does have a very nice figure I've said that if Ivanka weren't my daughter perhaps I'd be dating her you know stop it oh it's so weird stop you know what you are yeah dude listen isn't it terrible that's not a boys will be boy moment and that's not likeable laughing he's just he's almost he's almost as Burgery yeah he's almost asbery like but watch when they he's just laughing and having a good time with it that's not but that's not that's not something to have a good time yeah but no cuz you have to have that thought by yourself yeah to to to make that joke you have you have to have every I believe every joke lies in it like there's a l little tiny truth to it you had that thought and you go that's funny right you know what I mean but you have to understand what the truth of that would be to understand that it's funny yeah like the moment that he says but you know let's be honest she does have a good figure immediately you go what like that's something that you would say about okay you can say my how many mothers say that my son is so handsome when they're like he's going to pose nude and they're like oh he's got a beautiful body you'd be like what the [ __ ] nah but yeah I I know what you mean but but there's a difference between a little kid like Max has a nice little tush I'd like to take a little bite once in a while just a little bite of Max's bum does he got any friends you could bring along I know he'd come out he's going to lure them out with some little little boy tush candy yeah hey you can't leave them kind of breadcrumbs laying around but look it you look it you can't it's like look when you're talking about it's it's a different I when you're talking about a little kid and he's cute or she's gorgeous you're not talking SE there's no sex right that's se you once you add pubes yeah yeah and you're talking about yank him out with tweezes forever young it's just you love that song I do little bums can we not do this can we take oh I got that picture in my Resturant the three hinies I call it it's awful hey meeny miny we know who's never going to run for president we know Norton's never going to have an office look at those three mey mighty this is all they have to play for to get Norton out of the game if he's running for president I said things in 19 in in May of 199 you see on the hotline sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you it's just the hotline uh it's uh the T testification of the US OFA is happening yeah yeah but you're right about the Donald thing that like there's something about the way he says it that like if he were in a room he'd be like yeah isn't my daughter [ __ ] sexy like I'm just appreciating my daughter but your daughter's too old to say that you're too you you guys are adults and she is smoking hot I mean it's like but you're the guy like it should be like oh we can't say she's hot her dad's here that's true you know that's what you're that's how it's supposed to go it's weird right it is a little weird especially when he's like we both like sex you know I of he said I've often joked if I wasn't ivanka's father I'd probably be dating her because her legs are phenomenal yeah but if dude she's amazing she's amazing that you can't if you I date her when you say you're when you're Donald Trump and you say you're data girl you're [ __ ] them yeah first you're you're [ __ ] them Donald doesn't just date you you know oh i' take her out to dinner and walk her to her car and kiss her on the cheek I'm going to finger [ __ ] you in my limo yes is what you're Bas he's not a gentleman on the first day you have to go further with that thought that's true he's really not the end of most of his dat he has to go could you jump up and down so my watch falls out wow she has nice feet too yeah she's beautiful but just even to you think he's ever rubbed her feet I think he has gotten a rod I would I believe he's rubbed her feet why not he's beautiful I believe he's offered his daughter a foot massage like after a tough day at work yes I believe that has happened I don't think he's jerked off to it Adrien but I I bet I bet there was there was something going on down there she is really stunning what's her husband like is he like some big business guy no he's just an average dude I think he's probably yeah okay she's beautiful yeah oh he's definitely a Jared Kushner yeah he's probably comes from he's got dimples she is gorgeous I sat behind her at a press conference once and it was enough it was enough she's amazing yeah yeah oh la la I smelled her ponytail ew smelled good did you really yes it's all her think she got whff of your hair he's an investment guy yeah I don't think she got a whiff of my hair why just wondering no I don't she was I was behind her smells like Jerry curl I don't put Jerry curl in my hair let your hair smells like your hair smells like [ __ ] uh like cocoa butter oil he got off the street in front basketball courts smells like Egyptian musk let's go to uh Chris in Chicago you want to call Jim Norton and Sam Roberts this morning it's 866 9691 969 you can follow us on Twitter at Jim and Sam show he own's the New York Observer and Robert Kelly is here uh what's going on Chris well you know if you listen back to that clip that he just played uh which one the view clip or the or the one where which one are you talking about what's the [ __ ] clip what's [ __ ] clip there a lot of them he say that he doesn't say it off the cuff that was pre-planned how he said that well I would date my daughter he he had that thought in his head way before that question came out that's his line you know what I mean he's like that that's how he makes uh other people know that he's the man he's like you see how how hot my daughter is I would bang her if she wasn't my daughter yeah but nobody's around if you had that kind of I'm sorry guys if you had that kind of comment wouldn't that be something you just like oh St it off the cuff but he's had that in his you know Arsenal yeah he has yeah I would have been like yo that [ __ ] so fine she looks thin and [ __ ] what's up why you have to hit the see he hits the button even though it's that's him his button [ __ ] dip get off me Edgar it's it's his the chip laugh is Edgar's [ __ ] dumb baby fingernails the chip laugh is now a button a button yes where are you from Harry Potter Buton he's the mayor of magic it's a button hey let me ask you that camera you had off subject for one second that camera you had the comedy so it was good is that order or can I buy that in a store you can um you can't buy it in a store you have to order it it's called the uh Meo okay and you have one in the studio you have one here you can just take that one they don't use it yeah there's a Meo here there's AO here just take that one use it a whip it good Meo Meo yeah they have it uh yeah Edgar if you I swear to God I'm going to bite your fingernails clean shut up I hate his dry mouth yeah they brought him in here but the uh the resolution is not as good as those but it'd be good for sets or whatever I might want to do it because they might my I I need to shoot my set to show my uh person you you going to shoot your special on him yes I'm hand hold one in front of me just look into it Meo you V we all go uh let's go to Frank in Jersey what's up Frank hey What's Going up guy hey East SPS here representing uh Jim from North bu listen to me uh the funny thing is about Trump's daughter what Trump no East Brunswick you're from North Brunswick Jimmy right shut the [ __ ] up Hey listen uh Trump's daughter's husband was put in jail by Chris Christie Trump's daughter's husband's father rather is a crooked politician mondy laundering and whatnot and he was put he was put in jail for 15 years by Chris Christie which is ironic because Chris Christie is supporting Trump oh wow oh maybe that's why uh he didn't become the VP because he put his Trump son-in-law in jail technically or the father of the the son-in-law whatever the [ __ ] relationship that is he didn't become the VP because I mean maybe that went into it though that would [ __ ] goon Trump has gotten chubby hasn't he he's back to when he was in when he fought in WWE fat right remember when he when he fell just a terrible bump he was who was he Bea oh he he beating up mcmah Vince he went to L him and his whole body just fell over yeah but remember his ass remember how big his ass was it looked like like a fat woman ass yeah yeah just jiggled on the way down we watch him when we watch the debates in here you can see that it's such a white ass he's got well yeah he has a big comfortable chair hiny he does yeah he does that's meant for a throne he did he he really does have [ __ ] uh oh no go back to the beginning you want to see athleticism Jim look at uh look at Trump's big bump look at look at that ass look look look they film it in a way that it looks like he's punching him he was punching him he was he was really hitting him why is he wearing a suit in wrestling there's the battle of the billionaires Jim yeah Battle of the you have to wear a suit can't be a billionaire and not have a suit my God where' my cheese go DD that's not the lyrics to the song dude God damn it that's not the lyrics to the song at all two three where did cheese go you like this Bobby where the cheese [Music] go te box is moving in there right now love this how long will it last where did cheese go you know people keep asking us to play the profane version of that song I don't want to I didn't know there was one to be honest there is there's I to use that kind of language with profanity and I don't I don't I don't necessarily want to no just part one I think we're good with the with what we got but yeah so uh Donald is uh there there's some there's some there's some weirdness it is some weirdness there some and he has that weird white guy like Mason creepiness about him that yeah the you know just that naked if you saw him naked you just be like what is he male female I me I've been there look at this photo of him I've seen this a bunch of times my God it's Ivanka when she's like how old you say 13 14 maybe yeah she she her face looks very young but she's tall so she looks older but her face looks really young she's sitting on Donald's lap yeah and or she's sitting on his knee and Donald's got his hand on her hip and she's got her she's cupping his face where is he supposed to put it it's just such a creepy photo it really isn't it seems inappropriate don't you think too loving a look her cupping his face and looking at him longingly well that that might just idolizes him like can I just say something though thank you photographers sometimes get carried away I mean me and Don we got married and Maui we're on the beach yeah and after the you know we're doing our photo shoot after we got married and they kept telling us to do go do this do that oh go on the tree go on the water all of a sudden we're in the water she's like oh pick her dress up and you're just listening to him cuz you you believe you hired him you believe him you trust him I was like I'm honey the lady just told me to pull your dress up like I'm not pulling my wife's what are you nuts why not what our wedding day you [ __ ] weirdo get that cooler showing that's what hot pitches are made of it's a terrible idea it's yeah but we I like I started I have one photo of us in the water and I'm pulling up her leg and she's like yeah pull it up like she was get naked [ __ ] yeah not me of course don't yeah no [ __ ] yeah we ruined her [ __ ] dress oh yeah got come on it and [ __ ] no we get come on it chip you're totally on the wrong direction here I got married you don't [ __ ] on your wedding nights did you have sex anyone I guess you do right yeah you have to you have to I remember I would carried her in and I hear you know the hotel doors in the movies they just kick them open and they stay open in real life in real life they [ __ ] swing shut smacked her in the head really yeah I I I kicked the door open and we were going in and the door just swacked her in the [ __ ] head we G do lucky she ain't got killed as [ __ ] why would you get killed by a hotel door every character stinks the worst they just they're the worst they're the worst [ __ ] literally just screeching halt terrible [ __ ] terrible there's like [ __ ] eight people going every everybody else is turning the radio off just going back to Sports Talk they are so the Cubs won last night [ __ ] I hate them hate Edgar out of all of them yeah the Cubbies uh like what did I say yesterday cubby scalp the tribe I said that you didn't say that you just made it up just now you can't say that cubby scalp the tribe five one Speaking of the cubbi I do want to see the Cubs win though because uh but then again the Indians haven't won in [ __ ] 60 years either [ __ ] the Indians they won they just won basketball this they just got Cleveland [ __ ] [Applause] that won the championship I want to see them win you do but I like the Cubbies too cuz I like Chicago stop saying not you keep saying I want to see them win and I go you do and you go nah but I also like like who cares I'm I'm big on I do my Chicago accent this is flipflop Frank you ever met him wait wait wait you know how to do a Chicago accent I've never heard that hey the darn Cubbies are in the old series there and they might win the ball game Travis you're a baseball guy right yeah does anybody call the World Series the old series hey look the Cubbies are in there looks like they're going to hit a bunch of home runs what is that I mean probably what what what dialect is that it's from Chicago what what part of Chicago all over the whole thing sure that's not what they sound like in anywhere hey Rob bovich that okay that is authentic it sounds like a it could be like anywhere no it's not it could be Pittsburgh I sound like Sebastian he has a heavy Chicago accent Sebastian manako is a comedian no he doesn't sound like he sounds like an Italian hey I'm over there in a deep dis a bunch of homers he doesn't sound like that and number two he doesn't have a very Chicago accent he does actually there's hints of it no it's heavy will you hear him talk I went to Kmart he he has a [ __ ] a Chicago bury you in cement accent if he wasn't If he if he wasn't a comic I would think that he was a [ __ ] gangster uh let's go to Scott in Chicago what's going on Scott oh nothing much man love Scotty hey buddy hey and his his Chicago impression is spot on thank you it's spot on spot on it's so good you'd think there was like a whole deep dish pizza thing okay are in a series you Chic people from Chicago don't just sit around talking about deep dish all the time hey hey hey if I want my prick cold I'll do it myself can we just say deep dish pizza stinks I agree with you Chicago Pizza Chicago tree [ __ ] stinks don't you knock Chicago I'll Al Capon Chicago has great food unbelievable food one of the best Food Cities out there a little deep dish pizza over there [ __ ] sticks Chicago pizzas you should be ashamed yourself say that the are playing ball in the old series I love Bobby trying to make a point in Chicago gym coming in and not not allowing it to happen I like it yeah hey shut up over there what I can't wait till the day that Jim just short circuits and just all the characters come out at once I can't wait till somebody puts them in a home yeah just like a straight jacket like who's who's the who's the guy that used to Impressions deep you know all the impression guys [ __ ] the dead are in an insane asylum here's what's going to be great he's going to Short Circuit all of his characters are going to come out at once then he's just going to stop responding his brain his brain and body will no longer be connected I will wheel him in here in a wheelchair every morning to do the show and I'll just go so we godamn you why would you say that if you had couldn't go on Scott I I just wanted to admonish everybody in Chicago for not coming out and seeing Bobby Kelly when he was in town a couple weeks ago he was awesome thank you buddy you're great I was the first guy to take a picture with you and I told you I brought my wife with and I've been in trouble ever since because she's like he did a lot of [ __ ] stuff it was really you do a lot ofum it was hilarious to me my ass off I so happy to see you man please come back all get all you guys to come to Chicago I feel like you know Jimmy comes once every year years we should do a radio show in Chicago stop doing so much [ __ ] stuff I would love to we Chicago hopefully we'll have uh people come to see enough with the come yeah no you ain't lying n you ain't lying uh you're I do I do have like 20 minutes of J I literally look my new hour is like I just call it jizz you're dirty it's uh a lot of it's a lot of jizz

Channel: Jim and Sam Show

Views: 97,239

Keywords: robert kelly, comedy, stand up comedy, ykwd, you know what dude, riotcast, opie and anthony, jim norton, sam roberts, notsam, opieradio, opie and jimmy, sirius, xm, siriusxm, brocasting, hillary clinton, bill clinton, ivanka trump, donald trump, ween where'd the cheese go

Id: 2qmld8c_oEE

Length: 62min 20sec (3740 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 30 2016