r/IDontWorkHereLady - She Thought I was a WORKER

what's up guys welcome to daily dose of Reddit this is your host Zach and today's subreddit is our slash I don't work here lady all right this story is called no I didn't just talk to you no I do not work here edit it because I got a message about my atrocious grammar anyway so the story goes like this I'm asked to go get some groceries I tend to shop at wood guys what that's a nice big oh is that an actual place okay it's a nice big store great service great variety I take my cousin Paris with me because she needs a few things now an important thing to note is that I am six foot three and black my cousin Paris is not she is as white as the snow-capped peaks of mountains of the mountains of cacus caucuses there we go Paris is not her real name but she is named after a place like that and so is her sister alright my guesses are either uh London or next closest guess is Copenhagen it's probably copen Harris has baby blue eyes platinum blonde hair dimples and looks like someone fused with Billy Billy eilish and Phoebe Cates together and made them Snow White I'll admit that she's really pretty which is actually relevant to the story okay guys I didn't know who Phoebe Cates was so I looked her up and ah she's my uncle's stepdaughter and has been hanging around me a lot since I got back in town now everything's going well I grabbed me some you singers spend some time staring for Lauren Lee in the ramen Isle go check and get some Meats both real and fake and just generally minding my own business Paris and I split up because she was asking me some uncomfortable questions about feminine products and as mature as I believe I am that's no man's land and only my wife is gonna get me to listen to you talk about that stuff so I head off to make some life and health decisions about some chips I want to get some Flamin Hot Doritos maybe some Rico's nacho cheese got some chorizo some chunky salsa this guy knows what kind of salsa to get and some ground beef and you've got some but that's a very serious bathroom visit later in the day a hundred percent oh my God especially for me do I want to risk the holy hell I'm gonna feel if I go that route oh I mean it just comes out gross feeling but not really painful I'm very seriously in consideration this is why I probably didn't hear this lady when she called me the first couple of times I only notice her when she walks up she was white middle-aged and dressed like she was 20. not a good look I remember scoffing at her brand new Buccaneers Jersey but she had on a Patriots coat and booty shorts the Jersey was one of those that show midriff and I have to admit she didn't really look like she took care of her skin I also have a problem with people who dress cute when it's cold I love this guy I'm thinking all kinds of negative stuff from the start she couldn't be more offensive unless she was rocking a Kevin King Jersey she starts up with uh are you gonna help me or not very rude toe hands on hips animated the whole neck shaking thing I'm like so she starts listing things saying she has asked for this send that and for me to go see where the butcher was he apparently wasn't at his post I was confused and asked her what she was on about and she gets mad telling me that she already asked all this stuff and wouldn't have to repeat herself if I had listened she didn't say it like that she insulted me but I don't for the life of me remember what she said I was too busy trying to figure out why she was talking to me it takes me a moment to realize she thinks I work there I politely tell her she is mistaken we've never spoken and I do not work here she tells me she sees me there all the time and she just spoke to me that she isn't stupid I told her I didn't think she was just that she was mistaken I went to tell her that I'm not even dressed like I work there but my jacket was in the cart it's a bomber jacket that gets stupid hot indoors so you can see my outfit and I am wearing a sweater vest from my college a polo khakis and Timber lens I kind of do look like I work there the sweater vest is indeed blue though not the same blue as the aprons you see around I point to the team logo on my vest and reiterate that I don't work there and she is mistaken that's when things go from weird to this woman is insane Paris pokes her head out of the aisle behind me and asks if I can grab one of those boxes of noodles at the top the full boxes in plastic the flavor she likes doesn't have enough individual ones for her liking and she's a fan of duck flavor I apologize and dismiss myself from the lady's presence and go to hell Paris oh my God this was apparently a bad move because watching me help Paris get her Ramen and then grabbing several other things from high shelves pissed the lady off keep in mind Paris is like five foot two in wedged shoes she's like a slightly tall child to be honest she she starts in at me loud as a Banshee giving me I knew you worked here she starts yelling her language is colorful and she seems to have a particular stick up her rear because she thinks I am helping Paris because she is younger and pretty instead of helping a real woman like her oh my God I love this I must have had a look on my face because she gives uh I'll have you know plenty of men find me attractive yeah insecure Sally and said some pretty disparaging things at paris's expense my cousin and I aren't all that close in fact she's a bit of a spoiled brat and our relationship is contentious at best she and her sister are usually selfish big-headed and disrespectful that kind of woman I'm not often very fond of her however she is my cousin and you best believe you ain't gonna disrespect her in my presence if I'm gonna be honest I probably wouldn't let you disrespect her sister London either and I can't stand her butt I say look here lady I understand you're having some kind of identity crisis gesturing at her outfit but I can assure you that I do not work here my cousin is not some hot girl I'm helping instead of you we've never spoken before and despite what the police would have you believe we do not all look alike oh she then accuses me me of calling her racist which I laugh at as she tells me I'll have you know that I've dated black guys which Paris chimes in letting her know that she can choke down as many black uh Richards as she wants and that don't make her not racist the woman said she doesn't hate black people and we're racist for assuming she does this pisses off Paris who tells her she ain't gotta hate black people to be racist just think that being white makes her better or them worse you ain't gotta hate nobody to treat them different cause you all up in your own ass which gonna have to give her a gold star for I'll be real never expected to hear something like that from her it took a bit but the commotion finally got the attention of a worker who comes over he is a black guy as tall as me carrying several items in his hands I cannot express enough how much he looks nothing like me I turn to midlife Christ sis and I can see the recognition on her face when she looks at him he is skinny as Sin I used to be a defensive lineman I've never been skinny he immediately asks if there's a problem and starts handing her her things apologizing cause the item she was looking for had been in the area it was supposed to be just moved from where she remembered it being which is code for you should have taken five seconds to look around she is stunned silent for like two whole minutes like you can see the Clockwork going on in her head she wants to say something but she keeps looking up trying to figure out how she mistook me for this guy she shoots Paris a dirty look cause she's giggling like an idiot lady wants to say something so bad but she holds back to her credit her skin redens like a tomato and her face is like going through emotions it's like if she was an actress that was told to emote just with her her face emote why why would you write it like that man oh my God emote oh God that threw me off so hard her acting coach would have applauded her because she was running the Gambit lots of head nods and everything like she was having a heated conversation in her head impressive she then starts stammering I know she wants to continue this argument but she's lost all footing because I step over next to the guy to illustrate how little we resemble each other Paris is laughing her ass off by now I look at the guy and say ah she confused me for you I mean can you blame her we could be twins he looked at me funny for a moment and then realized what happened and gave the look that all black people give each other in these situations which is basically us thinking the [ __ ] Cassidy oh my God I love it I very politely say but very condescendingly tell the lady I'm happy you found your man and I hope the rest of your day is except Channel I find being polite is a better screw you than saying screw you Paris hit her with uh have a nice day Karen with no emphasis on the Karen and we just walked away I have to admit despite our differences I was very proud of my cousin for that she's not known for sticking up for anyone she's kinda spoiled but I was happy she stood up for me because I might have said some things most foul if she hadn't after we left I took her to get ice cream she's in her early 20s but really really likes ice cream alright user unfettered Defiance this was a great story it was really long but I didn't even feel like it was that long because it was such a blast to read the [ __ ] Cassidy imma start using that oh my God it's like the best freaking thing ever also you know Paris hit me up you don't have to but I mean it's recommended all right this story is called I kind of work here doesn't mean I can help you though I work as a security officer slash door greeter and a huge retailer when I'm working I have to stand at the door and check receipts smart returns and of course great customers in this the years of Our Lord 2020 and 2021 duh that has shifted to Counting customers and handing out masks I don't have any major stories but I have a few Snippets though I'm not sure if some of them are exactly I don't work here lady important information to include I wear a security uniform complete with a policy style badge and it's a completely different color than anything the store associates wear pretty early on when I didn't know the store super well I got a lot of questions about where items in the store were of course having just started and being stationed exclusively at the front door I was unable to help much I try to point people in the right direction usually but that was about it then one day as I'm making a ton of returns due to some incidents we were told that we needed to Mark every single item being returned rather than just marking how many returns the customer had I felt a tap on the shoulder I turned to see this older lady who seems to have been waiting I tell her I'm almost done with these returns then I can try to help I turn back to the return lady and keep writing down upcs and stickering items I get another tap with an um I repeat the thing I said before and keep going I have like two things left the lady Taps me and says I need you to show me where the bedding is I turn and point real quick to the area of the store it's in and tell her it's over there I finish up the stickers in the return lady leaves I turn to find the old lady still there I say is there something else I can help you with yes I need you to take me to the bedding I reply I'm sorry I'm sick security and I have to stay up here at the front she Hopson says something like well I need you to take me because I won't be able to find it on my own I was really puzzled by this because I had already directed her in the right direction and there was a big sign above it that literally said betting So I responded in kind and pointed again saying it's right under that sign that says betting I can't leave the front so if you need more help you'll need to find someone back there that can help she just huffed again and walked off later on I had been put in gardens sometime later and I'm standing by the door out there the only people by the door at the time were me and a cashier who is always really quiet he smiled and nodded a bit but he was so quiet I had to wonder if he spoke at all or if he spoke a different language or something he was a nice enough guy but certainly not a conversationalist is the main point here some lady came from inside the store and walked right up to me with purpose in her step she says I'm looking for a certain weed killer can you help me find it I respond by saying I'm not really sure where it is but I think it's on the inside aisles of the garden center I can try to call a garden center employee to help she said why don't you know where it is to this I reply I'm just security ma'am I don't work for the store she huffed loudly and walked over to the cashier he wouldn't have known either it was just a front-end guy who got stuck back there but she didn't ask him about that she pointed at me and loudly said what does that guy even do here when she got little or no response she stormed off lastly we had this manager for this I'll call him Ken he had a habit of pulling Associates off their own jobs to help him with whatever he needed help with his classic line was well you look like you could use something to do how about you do bling most Associates would listen to Ken even when it meant abandoning their own jobs they had been told to do by other managers because he was just below the store manager on the hierarchy when I was out in the garden he would try to get me to move pallets all the time I had heard other associates complain about him so even though I honestly would have loved moving pallets while it was late and super slow I always refused it was always annoyed and cited that I wasn't doing anything else anyway but he knew he couldn't touch me it always made my day when he got all annoyed because of my response sorry sir I'm here to guard the door I can't go abandoning my poster AP will have me remove I would then watch ken move the pallets himself because he couldn't organize his own guys to do it before they went home all the while listening to a podcast in my ear and doing absolutely nothing honestly jobs where you where it seems like you don't really do anything sound like paradise it goes by so slow and take it from me alright I used to freaking work the the night shift at this a hotel that didn't get very much business most the time and I would just be on my computer all freaking night until I had to make breakfast or mop and sweep the floor other than that it was slow um but when we were super busy like I'm just jumping around all the freaking time and running around and I checked the clock I felt like it was only like 20 minutes but boom it was like four hours which is good you know all right this story's called I work at the cafe not the airport rare I don't work here lady where I actually do work here but not like that I work at the cafe at the airport in a major city Denver International Airport it has to be every single day people come and treat me like the airport information I don't know anything about the flights where one can buy cigarettes when does your plane leave I come here I make coffee and that's it do people really think I a barista know why their flight was canceled it isn't even Airport and Cafe but a well-known chain Starbucks this one lady came asking why the ATM machine does not work like even if I was the airport employee which I am not how was I supposed to help her it's ridiculous I agree I love airports and Airport restaurants they're just so cool because it's like a mini City especially like Dia or like the Dubai airport or something those things are massive and like you can just walk around all day see so many freaking things it's like a giant mall and I love them all it's like uh I've been described as like a a golden retriever puppy just freaking running around everywhere because it's fun there's so many things to freaking look at and touch love it and usually the restaurants are really good so there's so many things to eat it's like a giant food court in a giant mall oh my God they're amazing and it's also cool because like some random freaking cutie you might see in the airport you're like oh man I'll never see her again and then you freaking see her in your gate or even better you see her next to you in the plane boom shakalak ding dong that's the magic of airtrail I swear this is not sponsored but you should sponsor me you freaking money grubbing Airlines don't forget to like subscribe and hit that Bell to never miss an episode [Music]

Channel: Daily Dose Of Reddit

Views: 4,485

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit funny, daily dose of reddit, daily dose of internet, daily dose of memes

Id: TcTrYyMM0XA

Length: 18min 7sec (1087 seconds)

Published: Tue May 23 2023