(water rushing) (brooding music) (fighting) - Think I care about this dress? (muffled arguing) - [Voiceover] Sometimes
someone hurts you so bad - I don't think you understand. - [Voiceover]] It
stops hurting at all. (brooding music) Until something
makes you feel again. And then it all comes back. Every word. Every hurt. Every moment. How could you ever
understand where I come from? Even if you ask,
even if you listen, you do not really
hear, or see, or feel. You don't remember my story. You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I've seen. (ocean waves) (desolate music) My past defines me. This is who I am. I am unseen, unheard (camera flashing) unwanted. That is what I am. If even I am anything. (siren) (car door) (knocking) - [Cop] You're under arrest. Police. Get on the floor. (desolate music) - [Voiceover] It seem
like the seemed like the same thing that held
me up forced me down. - No. - [Voiceover] In a world
turned upside down, and order disappeared. (baby crying) Nothing was how it
was suppose to be. And a heavy sadness
filled my soul. (desolate music) (crickets) (thunder) (desolate music) - [Voiceover] Deeper and
deeper I fell within myself. - [Blonde Woman] It's
all fluffy and fuzzy. - [Voiceover] And nothing
could show me out. (baby crying) Trapped in the
misery of my life. Lost in the sorrow of my soul. Unable to see the light. Unable to see the dawn. To feel. To hope. - What are you doing
picking my fruit? - [Voiceover] To dream. (screaming) -[Voiceover] I found the darkest
days of my life kept coming. (screaming) The blackest nights for
my soul never stopped. - No, No. - Yes. (screaming) (water running) - [Voiceover] It seemed like it was always nighttime
and nightmares, and never morning. And maybe you wonder why, but mostly you try
not think about it, and try to get by, and try to survive. And all the other stuff
seems so much like nothing compared to just wanting the most important
things back again. Like wishing you could
see your mom smile again and hear her sing that one
favorite song that always calmed you down when
things were all messed up. Or if you couldn't
have her back, at least get to take
care of your baby brother because you know he needs you, and he's going to be
so scared all alone. And whose going to hold his hand and whisper it's going
to be alright to him? (baby crying) And who will whisper it to me? - Hi ya, Zoe. It's so good to have you here. Are you ready to move in? - [Voiceover] I know
I'm helpless, dependent, desperate, but what
happens when those you need the most threaten
your very existence? I've heard plenty of promises and they all sound the same. But push hard enough
and sooner or later they all prove to be empty. The sun comes up every morning, but do you know where? Each place it's
somewhere different. It's hard to find east when
you keep moving around, but at least it comes. It always comes. I've come to depend on that. And slowly, slowly
seasons changed around me, and it seemed this time
that maybe the world would not be pulled out
from under me again. Feet safe, roots
starting to grow. Little buds of hope for me. Slowly attempting to
trust this new life. - Hi, come over and let me show you what I got for you. I got you a gift. (far away arguing) - Do you think I care
about this dress? I don't think you understand me. Do you? I don't think you understand me. - [Voiceover] I wish
someone would tell me
(background arguing) it would be O.K. - I swear to God you touch me
again, - I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I will kill you. - Here let me help you. - [Zoe] No, don't touch me. - [Voiceover] That
one day, maybe. - I hate you, I hate you. - [Voiceover] I'll feel normal. - [Zoe] I hate you. - [Voiceover] That I
won't always be alone. That I'll have a
mommy who will hug me and be strong for me, because maybe I can't
do it all by myself. (desolate music) - [Foster Mother] Hi, yes. I'm calling to (whispering). Thank you so much. Thanks. O.K. (whispering) (desolate music) (drawer slam) (drawer slam) (drawer slam) - [Voiceover] This my
past, my history, my story, is not my fault. It's not because of me. And doesn't have to be
what defines my future. (desolate music) I am lovable. I am worthy of care. And that glimmer of light,
it makes all the difference. The glimmers of light
give me hope that someday my summer will come. (desolate music)
This should be mandatory viewing for all foster parent applicants! These children are abused, neglected, rejected, and abandoned by their parents/caregivers and then placed into a system that ends up shuffling them around (new CPS caseworkers often, new behavioral health case managers often, new therapists often, new homes often) over and over. When their past traumas get triggered (by something as simple as the dress shown in the video), the foster parents decide they cannot handle the child anymore and give them up immediately. The children then lose their home, their school, their friends, their belongings...pretty much everything because they are removed in the middle of the night with no warning. What does "the system" do then? They label the child with "attachment disorder" problems. I think I would not want to attach to anything either if I knew it could all be taken from me at any moment with no warning over and over. The level of trauma and dehumanization becomes so intense and so chronic that these children often end up creating more trauma to themselves and others as a survival mechanism, which then leads them to be seen as "conduct disordered" or other negative labels. I work with these children often and it takes years to help them turn around to finding peace in their lives. Thank you for sharing a wonderful and important video!
That was about the most impressive child acting I've ever seen. Very moving.
After watching the above video. See the follow up video. Seperation if siblings and how it affects the children and life long issues of foster care and adoption
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=I1fGmEa6WnY
This is beautiful. I'm a music therapy graduate student specializing in mental health. This video reminded me why I want to work with adolescents and why it is so important. Those little buds of hope need help forming.
My wife and I adopted a teenage girl 3 years ago. She's 17 now. She will barely talk to us about anything but will talk to other people with no problems. We're fairly certain she doesn't like us and it's a very frustrating experience and we keep trying to find ways to connect to her. We've taken her whitewater kayaking, mountain biking, on family runs, camping, art classes (she loves painting), family game nights, etc... She'll talk to us about random stuff, but nothing about her emotions.
For instance, if I ask her why she likes something, the answer is always "I don't know." "Why do you like your new boyfriend? What's his favorite color? Where's a place you want him to take you on your first date? What's your favorite food? Why do you like that food? Was today a good day?" Always, "I don't know." If we ask anything with a very specific answer, we'll get an answer for that. "What color is your hair? When did you wake up this morning? How tall are you?" Those get answers.
What's tough is she'll answer the emotional questions to other people. For instance, we have some trusted friends that hang out with her sometimes when my wife and I have a date night and they'll tell us all the stuff they talked about and we are utterly surprised that she'll talk about some of that stuff with them.
Every day is an exercise in a rollercoaster of emotions. She's mostly very stoic and calm, but when we start to talk to her and ask her everyday questions, she gets overwhelmed very quickly and will cry. We are just trying to get to know her and asking simple questions. The type of questions you'd ask anyone you're trying to get to know. Sometimes the questions revolve around her future, because we're concerned she'll be 18 in less than a year and we're concerned she'll just move out and we want her to think about her future to some extent so she's ready... but she refuses to think about anything in the future.
She has a sister that is 1 year older and her mother is still around, although she doesn't want any contact with her mother. Her sister and her mother are pretty mentally deficient. She feels guilty about her sister because she used to take care of her even though she is older than her. However, she has stopped talking to her sister anymore as well because her sister grew out of the foster care system and became pregnant and homeless within 2 months. Her mother used to text her and act like she was her sister over text and say things like "I'm doing drugs and I like it!" and I would trace the phone number and find out it was her mom texting and not her sister. I have no clue why her bio mom would do such a thing, but it happened often. So we changed her phone number all together.
We're all in therapy. She gets a therapist by herself and my wife and I go to marriage counseling which kind of doubles as "how to raise a kid" counseling sometimes.
Currently I'm trying to teach her how to make goals and achieve them. This has been a very frustrating experience for both of us, but I'm insisting and being patient with her while she learns. I have her setting 2 weekly goals and making a small road map for how to achieve those goals and we discuss her achievements on Friday and then decide together what her next goals should be. For the first few weeks she wouldn't accomplish any of the goals set, so I had to temporarily restrict her hanging out with her boyfriend so she would "Have time for herself and attempt to accomplish some things that are important to the family" and that made her get on board with the whole thing a lot quicker!
Sorry this was a long ramble. This video hit home pretty hard. My child has different behaviors, but the same overall experience. Just wanted to have a brain dump somewhere...
Gorgeous video. Truly moving. I shed tears watching it, and I would certainly rather this video be distributed than not, but...
...does it really have to play so hard to gender stereotypes about DV, when modern research is showing that the situation it portrays is far from the norm? When I was in graduate school, I was taught that DV was a problem women predominantly suffered from, while men were predominantly the abusers. But six years into my professional practice, I've found that that picture is largely false. In reality, DV most often occurs in a bi-directional fashion, and that often women are actually the ones that initiate it (even as they ultimately suffer more severe injuries from it).
I get that this is inserting gender politics into something that is supposed to be about speaking up for the children in these situations—the most innocent victims—but I can't help but feel like this is reinforcing an outdated understanding of DV to the public nonetheless.
Ty for this
r/titlegore
Thank you so much for sharing this. I do psychological evaluations on children in the foster care system and it is so easy to forget the unbelievable trauma they have been through, not just prior to removal but during their time in the system.