#Relationship Goals (Week 4): Servanthood (Teaching Only)

I want to welcome you today not only are Henderson location but a big shout out to Summerlin and Southern Highlands sunrise mountain to our central Kingman family those joining online and those watching in different prison facilities around the country and our partnership with God behind bars thank you guys for being with us we're talking about relationship goals today and the challenge I think with relationship goals is this little word right here I've got a couple letters that spell the word me up here and I think the challenge we all have with relationships at least I know I do is I can get very quickly into a place the state of mind where I just start thinking everything's about me it's all about me maybe I'm the only one with this problem this comes out in in multiple ways in my life one of the most intense ways this comes out in my life is when I slip behind the driver's wheel of a car because I just tell you I know that there are other people we all share the road together you know we all have to kind of give and take so that everybody can get to where they need to go I understand all this stuff theoretically the problem is like subconsciously what I really believe based on the way I act is that the road is mine right it's all about me this is my lane this is my timeline this is my deal and so when I get behind the wheel my family will tell you if my kids were here right now they would tell you the thing that I say the most often in the car is this I I say it again and again and again I'm I'd say to somebody I'm just right along I'm like you're gonna need to get out of my way now now some of you say something a lot worse than that that's that's that's the pastor version right like you're gonna need to move right out of my way I pull up to a red light stop at the red light and and I understand red lights are there so that you might have been on the other side of that red light right you had to get where you needed to go I needed to wait my turn to go where I need to go theoretically I get that but I'm just telling you deep down I really think it's all about me so much so that when I pull up to that red light and I'm looking at that red light ice so in my mind I start kind of like talking to the light like come on man come on turn turn turn come on and then I actually start thinking things like what are you just doing this to offend me is this personal because I really sort of believe it's all about me I mean when I'm on the road and I'm on the freeway when I'm in the fast lane and somebody's moving slow in the fast lane which by the way drives me crazy to no end to come on somebody right friends it's the fast lane man just move yourself over and so I feel like if I'm in the fast lane and I'm not really going that fast but I get up close to somebody's bumper who's going slow in the fast lane well I'm justified in doing that but then when I'm driving and somebody else gets up on my bumper all it's a whole other conversation then right you better back off son but to show you some brake lights where I must show you see that see that how you like that because I can say whatever I want but deep down I know like it's all about me when I get on the road and I wish it ended on the road the problem is I carry that mentality if I'm not careful everywhere else as well I mean I care about the problems of the world but the problems of the world that I care most about are the ones that directly relate to me I worry about the world but really what I worry about is the problems in the world as they relate to me I love group pictures but I'm always most partial to the group picture in which me looks the best you may have your eyes close your mouth droop the open the whole deal it doesn't matter right if you look good it's like that's the one right there that's the picture we all I think if we're honest struggle with the pool to me Bible actually has a phrase for this is called the sinful nature we all have a sinful nature that wants to look out for me myself and I at the expense of others but you know when I Drive and I'm making all about me it's a very stressful experience I mean I get to wherever I'm going I don't think I really get there any faster and I'm stressed out I got all kinds of tension in my shoulders I've lost my cool multiple times I've gripped the steering wheel I've prayed to the Lord both in appropriate ways and maybe not as quite appropriate ways you know like I've asked God for help to get there and it's just not a very pleasant experience and I think the same is true in our marriages in our families in our workplaces when we make it all about me I think what we find is there's a lot of stress there's a lot of tension and the quality of our relationships gets reduced in a significant way because we're making it all about me and so what I want to talk to you about today is what it looks like in our lives to flip the em upside down and make it a W and make life about we make it about we back turn to the person next to you and say it's all about we I know what some of you Junior High boys are thinking right now just saying that but it's all about we it's all about us and I think when I begin to push against my sinful nature with the power of God's Spirit in me in my better days right in my better moments I realized that life isn't just about what I want it's about what we need life isn't just about you know what I prefer it's about so much more than that that's where the joy is that's where so much of the quality of our relationships can be improved and we've been saying over the last several weeks as we've talked about relationship goals that the quality of our relationships is directly sort of connected to the quality of our life that how things are going for us relationally has everything to do you know with how we're doing as far as our happiness our joy kind of all the major factors of satisfaction in life it's more important than income than where you live than your achievement it's the quality of your relationships so we've said every week we're gonna take one sort of quality we're gonna focus on that and make that kind of a relationship goal for this week so week one we talked about the quality of togetherness and we said look instead of focusing on problems so much relationally let's focus on presence together week two we talked about faithfulness faithfulness builds the relationship you want and it helps you rebuild the trust you may have lost last week we talked about kindness the people you know the best needs your kindness the most this week I want to talk about a word that we don't use a lot but it's a powerful word it's the word servanthood and how a serving heart empowered by a we mentality can help improve the quality of our relationships and so I've just put it this way don't just look out for number one look out for one another don't just look out for number one look out for one another look what Paul says in Philippians chapter 2 beginning in verse 3 now Paul writes the letter of Philippians to the Christians who were living in the city of Philippi he has a special place in his heart for the believers in Philippi and in Philippians chapter 2 he's kind of setting up later he's gonna actually call out to people who aren't dealing with each other in a we kind of fashion there's a little bit too much me going on and he sort of calls them out but he sort of lays the groundwork and sets it up in Philippians chapter 2 and he speaks more generally so let's read this together help me out on the read word check out what it says it says don't be selfish that's pretty clear right don't be selfish don't try to impress others be humble thinking of others as better than yourselves don't look out what only for your own interests now I want you to notice this he doesn't say you shouldn't look out for your interests he just says don't look out only for your interest right he says but take an interest in others too there's something that's very healthy in our lives when we look out for some aspects of our own interests we all need to do that at some level but don't just stay there don't just sort of focus on number one but focus on one another and so how do we kind of serve one another joyfully as a relationship goal first principle is this set healthy boundaries set healthy boundaries I don't know if you I've heard the name Sean and Catherine or not but if you're a bachelor fan you probably know who these people are they we're on The Bachelor and they met and then they got married which I'm always like man nobody on The Bachelor meets and gets married so that's amazing or hardly anybody and so he's kind of known for his dad tweets and he tweeted this statement out we'll bring it up on the screen he says my wife bought off-brand pop-tarts sometimes I think she's acting out on purpose don't know why she's trying to drive me away but I'm not going to budge I'll love her through this this is the raw and ugly side of marriage people don't want to talk about a lot of people commented a lotta laughter a lot of likes but his wife's comment was the best check this out this is what his wife said they're organic for our child you man baby in other words it's not always about you bro right pop-tarts weren't for you but I think we all can understand that tension in our own hearts we want to make it about us now over the years as I've talked to a lot of different couples a lot of different people trying to navigate relationships one of the things that comes up the most is a relationship where somebody feels like they're always giving always serving always loving and the other person is happy to always be taking and always just sort of kick back and then what happens over time right this one individual is kind of clueless the other person's doing everything that person starts getting frustrated maybe even bitter the resentment starts to grow because they feel like I'm already serving this person I'm already doing everything for this person and they're not doing anything and it feels very one-sided and just the thought of like serving somebody if you're already in that kind of a relationship will make some of you right now you're having this moment like your veins are starting to bulge right there you know you're just like I cannot do it anymore and I think this is where healthy boundaries are really important healthy boundaries so you can be a servant hearted person and still have healthy boundaries a boundary is a place where you say no a boundary is a place where you push back a little bit and you establish something it's important Jon towns a Christian psychologist and marriage counselor has written about not only boundaries but just how relationships work and one of the things he says that's I think powerful is he says the best relationships have two traits about them they're both separate and they're into their interdependence so they're they're both separate and they're attracted together a lot of times in relationships if you don't have boundaries you can kind of get lost in another person like you know there's no separateness anymore you're just together right and you morph to them or they morph to you and there's no kind of identity left in that relationship he says that's not necessarily healthy says we need both we need to both share dreams with one another and share vision and share where we're going together right we're together we're attached but we also have our own identity and our own dreams and our own passions and it's okay to have those as well that's where really that's what relationships can be really powerful and a boundary helps you set that so when you think about your relationship with your kids if you're feeling used your relationship at work when you're feeling used when you're in a marriage and you're you just feel like you know you're being used a wise person told me something once it's not an easy truth to hear but I think there's a lot of wisdom here it doesn't always apply the same way in every situation but but a wise person told me once people treat you exactly the way you empower them to treat you now that's a hard truth to kind of swallow might even make some of you mad because you think now they're treating me and I'm not doing anything to empower them but you set the tone going forward by the boundaries that you set and sometimes you need people in your life listen who will love you for your yes and who will love you for your no you need healthy boundaries maybe that's having the kids do the dishes imagine that hello people it's a new boundary I am NOT your servant in a constant 24-hour sense kids we're gonna do the dishes now but maybe you know maybe you're in a situation let's say you're a young mom and you're at home and you're navigating to little toddlers and and your husband text you after work hey gonna go out to dinner with some friends be home later you hear that did you hear that if she's thinking man it must be nice I haven't had an adult conversation all day you know you just get to go out have dinner with friends all that and then come come rolling in okay fine but you know fair play says if you don't get a chance to talk about it maybe the next night you text him and say hey by the way I've got dinner with my friends thanks for watching the kids and it's not called babysitting when they're your kids right but maybe it's a conversation because there may need to be some vowel all I'm saying is we want to have a servant hearts towards one another we want to be looking out for one another but that doesn't mean you don't still have boundaries Laurie and I know we've gone relationally one of the things that we got into a lot of disagreements about was how long to stay at like a party or gathering did we go to a lot of parties a lot of gatherings we love it you tracking with me but she loses time at these gathering like time is gone total extrovert all people who's people right and I mean it's she literally every single gathering we go to literally will be the last person in the house you know cause she's because times irrelevant and she's and I'm always the first one ready to leave usually at a party because I'm thinking about the host sicom and maybe they're done maybe they're tired Lori never thinks that way it's a party I can't tell you over the years how frustrating this became because we go to a lot of different things right and so we know we go and I'm good for about two hours come on guys you know what I'm talking about right hour and a half two hours I'm just like I'm good I'm good at Disneyland for an hour but this on and on and on and on and on and it's like the song that never ends I got to move on to the next thing so we tried to come up with a bunch of compromises and we finally just set a boundary now when we go to events we drive the same car together and one of us boobers home she can stay all night long and she does she could talk laugh pray do whatever she wants to do with whoever she you know it's like all good have a blast awesome I'm buddies with my new uber driver friend he's taking me home and you know I'm there for a couple hours and then I'm back home and here's how it but here's how a boundary has helped me now when we have a come up on our calendar I was getting you know resentful I'm getting to a place where I'm like I don't want to go I don't want to do this I don't we had to come with a come up with a boundary that that no now allows me to say yes a lot more freely like yeah I'm in I'm great long as you're not gonna get mad at me when I call the uber I don't even tell her bye anymore no lie she doesn't even know people be like where's Judd I don't know I just slip out the back door brother head back home healthy boundaries can be powerful for us in our lives so don't you am i get in trouble tomorrow and Laurie hears this don't just don't just look out for number one look out for one another here's another thought related to that and that's to simply look out for others to look out for others I saw this picture of this kid let's let's bring this slide up I want you to check this out here's a toddler and he's uh he's kind of laying there and look and says food isn't allowed in the living room his tablet isn't allowed in the kitchen he beat the system I quit that kid right there how many of you were that kid how many of you have that kid right now you know like you're right there that's you get it like he's found a way around it and a power struggle ensues and you know we all hope for the day when we have real power and responsibility in our lives and when we get it the real question becomes then what do we do with it and Jesus set the example for us look at Philippians chapter 2 beginning in verse 5 says you must have the same one saying with me attitude you see that attitude that Christ Jesus had what was his attitude though he was God he didn't think of equality with God as something to cling to instead he gave up his divine privileges he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being so check this out this is Jesus God in the flesh the Almighty the one to whom the angels sing holy holy holy I mean this is Jesus Christ he's God and he chooses to humble himself and come as a servant Jesus himself said he came not to be served but to serve so he sets the example for us of what it looks like to look out for others and when we look out for others not at the expense of of all of our own interests not because we have no boundaries but with healthy boundaries it empowers us then to get more joy out of our relationships to feel more life coming into our relationships it sets us up to experience things as God wired them to be in fact um you know when you think about about Jesus and the model that he set I'm always then drawn to assert a story in the Old Testament and the story in the Old Testament has probably been the most powerful leadership principle I've ever studied in my life it's it's guided me through a hundred different leadership decisions it's guided me through marriage champ challenges but the the scripture I'm about to share with you in the story I'm about to tell you is probably the single most powerful guiding principle that I've ever experienced in my life and here here's what it is first Kings chapter 12 is the story of Rahab own rheya Boehm was a king after his father Solomon passed away in Israel okay and the the kingdom was United it was powerful it was wealthy it was had influence it was in a really great place Raya Boehm steps in and right after he steps into leadership there's a rebellion in the north people are pushing back too much taxes too much work you know and so there's kind of a rebellion so Raya boria bomb goes up north to kind of check out the rebellion and see what's going on and he hears from the people and they say it's too much there's just too much on our shoulders we can't we can't take it anymore so he says let me think about it and he calls in two groups of advisers to give him advice on how to handle this situation first he calls in the older counselors the guys that used to give advice to his father check this out first Kings chapter 12 beginning in verse 7 it says the older counselors replied if you are willing to be a servant you see that if you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer they will always be or what loyal subjects this is the leadership principle if you will serve people around you they will follow you if you will serve your family serve your co-workers serve your friends if you will serve people around you they will follow you but rheya bow and then called another group of people in to give him advice right he said all right now I'm gonna call in my friends all the young punks come in and all the young punks kind of line up all his buddies you know he's new to power I'm the man and all his friends say this they say you know what you should go out and you should say this is an actual quote you should say to the people my little finger is thicker than my father's waist he beat you with whips I'm gonna beat you with scorpions and you know whose advice he took he took his friends and he went out to the people and he said you know what how dare you complain how dare you push back on me I'm the man and he cracked the whip on the people and here's what happened the North rose up in rebellion Raya Boehm had to flee this for his life and the Kingdom of Israel was forever split between a Northern Kingdom and a southern kingdom he lost the Northern Kingdom forever because he refused to be a servant to the people around him now here's how that's been so powerful for me a thousand times I've faced different leadership questions and not knowing exactly what to do can you relay but this is the grit I lay it over what's the decision that I should make it's in the best interest of serving the people I'm called to serve what's the decision that I should make this is a decision that serves my family what's the decision that I should make that best serves my kids in this moment and that guiding principle how can I be a servant has made all the difference for me in my life and here's the benefits of that when you serve the people around you long enough they will love you for that and they will follow you for that right serve the people around you look out for others it's a powerful way to live your life Jesus modeled it the Old Testament reminds us in many places but story of Ray Vaughan's one of my favorite and I think it brings up a question that many of us were thinking about and wrestling with last year in October first during the Las Vegas mass shooting and it felt like the whole nation really at least for a moment certainly the city of Las Vegas and the surrounding communities we all stopped and we all realized it's it's not about me it's about we and everybody started asking the question remember but what do we need to do to serve our city do we need to get blood what do we need to do to serve these people who've been hurt we show up we'll volunteer what do we need to do to serve we'll pray we'll give we were all motivated with a serving attitude in fact that an experience shortly after the the shooting there's just a simple thing that reminded me of how profoundly people's hearts had been impacted through that whole tragedy I pulled up at a at a stop while years ago 15 years ago right after I moved to Las Vegas I pulled up to a stoplight and I ran out of gas it's only happened once lesson learned okay I've been close but I ran out of gas car died I'm sitting at the light and I don't know what to do so I get my phone out I call my wife she's about 20 minutes away and I'm like hey grab the gas can out of the garage literally drive up here and gonna bring the gas can I'm gonna pour it in I'm out of gas at a light she's like what I'm like don't stop just bring the gas can i sat there for 20 minutes it's fine but nobody stopped this is everybody just went around me like it was the most Awkward 20 minutes of my life nobody nobody said hey how you doin nobody said can we help you nobody said can we push your car over to the side no man cuz this all about me baby and I got to get somewhere and everybody just went around and did their thing last 15 years ago the week after the biggest mass shooting I pulled up to a stoplight our cars stalled out at the light and this is what I'll just never forget I mean within 10-15 seconds of that car not leaving everybody just started pulling over literally 15 people got out of their cars and walked over and we're talking to this person and push this car over out of the way it was like the whole mentality of people had been flipped for a period and my challenge to you is does it just have to be for a period maybe if will allow God to continue to soften our hearts that's actually how we should live our lives because we're way better as we than we are just as mean and we're way more powerful when we're in it together than when we just try to go it alone and we actually need each other a lot more than sometimes we we do we need each other's encouragement support prayer friendships community none of us are so strong that we can stand alone all the time and the good news is we don't have to we don't have to so maybe this week in your home this is just a reminder the servanthood is a great relationship goal and maybe there's a simple question you could ask your kids your roommates your spouse hey how can I serve you is there anything you need is there anything I can do for you how can I help you maybe it worked maybe you've been frustrated maybe you started walking in some of you you're the leader and you started walking in and you're like you know what I'm doing everything around here nobody's serving me maybe this is an opportunity to realize if you're the leader you are ridiculously in charge and you get what you've either empowered or what you've allowed and so you walk in and you say alright what does it mean to serve the people that I'm called to serve what does it mean to lead as a servant today and to allow God to work in that as I do you know one way we can look out for one another is to be praying for our friends who are hurting one of the things I remember about the events after the mass shooting was many friends and people who either return to God or came to faith and reached out to God and to see God move and work in their life even in light of such a horrible tragedy was powerful I was reminded of this just last week a friend of mine named Bill reached out to me and he said Jed I just wanted to remind you he's in Texas he goes I want to remind you of a few decades ago I was right out of college I was a pastor was just beginning and I actually started to ask God to give me somebody in my life who was hurting and far from him that I could pray for just give me somebody god I can pray for it and you know encourage I didn't really know who that person would be and shortly after I started praying that prayer sky bill walked in and he you know he sat down and he looked at me and basically began to tell me a story had been an alcoholic his whole life been ups and downs all kinds of stuff you know Here I am right out of college literally in my 20s he's on the other side of life right coming in in more middle age but been through a lot and I knew then this is the answer to my prayer and Bill and I just became buddies we just became friends I'd hit him up hey let's go grab coffee let's get lunch let's talk and I've got to watch bill become a follower of Jesus I got to watch him begin to grow in his faith over the years and he just reached out to me recently he said you remember that old drunk that walked into that church 25 years ago he said I'm celebrating 25 years of sobriety now and he said I'm still showing up still part of the church still serve in the prison's God still using me he says I still don't know what I'm doing but I'm still showing up but it missed so much to me it just reminded me one of the most powerful ways we can look out for one another is to be praying for our friends and family who are hurting who are far from God right now in their life God's the one they need more than anything else God's the one who can bring hope and healing and forgiveness and change and sometimes they don't even know it sometimes they're not even open to it so first we created up just a little tool to help all of us be praying for somebody in our life who may be far from God it's a simple way we can look out for one another and depending on the location you're at either in the seat backs in front of you or underneath your seats or maybe you received it when you came in there's a little card that says one friend I'm just gonna ask you to grab that card and take a look at it and this card looks just like this this car is just a simple way for us to remember to be praying for one friend in our life and what we want to do is at any time from now at the end of our experience if you want to put your name and your email and one friend in your life that you're gonna be praying for who's far from God you can write that down and what you'll do if you write that down and you turn this card in at the end of our experience our location pastors will tell you how you can do that across all of our locations these cards are gonna be added to prayer lists that are prayed over I promise you every week we're gonna be praying over the names first name first and last name God knows whatever you want to do as far as your friends but we're gonna be praying for them with you asking God to move and show up in their heart and life why because it's meant so much to us what he's done in our heart and in our life and that's one of the ways we can look out for one another so if you've got a friend maybe who's going through some stuff maybe they're really not open spiritually but but you feel compelled to pray for them and you want us to join you and praying for them just right there their name down on that card give us your name and email drop that off after the experience is over and we'll join you and praying for them every day and here's what I believe you start praying for people well we'll be praying for them weekly you pray for them daily as you pray for them daily I think you're gonna see God open doors just like my friend bill maybe you're hearing you're like I don't know I don't have anybody in my life I could pray for that I think fits that category then do what I did just ask God to bring somebody into your life but you can pray for it share your faith with and then put your seatbelt on and get ready to be surprised because that's kind of how God often works maybe you're here today and maybe you've never really crossed that line of faith in your life I'd love to just give you that opportunity to reach out to God and experience his love for you I mean Christ became a servant he came to earth he lived he died he rose again for you because he loves you and you can begin again a new relationship with God in His forgiveness and his power today so all of you please bow your heads and close your eyes if you'd like to become a follower of Jesus today I'd love to just invite you to repeat this prayer after me and to open your heart to God just say dear God I thank you for loving me thank you for sending Jesus into the world I believe you died on the cross for my sins I believe he rose again forgive me for my sins give me the gift of eternal life help me face the challenges that I'm up against God I surrender my life to you in Christ's name my friends with every head bowed and every eye closed that's your prayer today if it's your commitment do you just slip your hand in the air just slip your hand in the air to acknowledge you're gonna follow God in your life today you're tired of doing it alone you need his love as forgiveness his mercy just reach out to him god I thank you for each person reaching out to you today I pray you fill their life with your joy your goodness your peace your forgiveness it got made we all go forward as servants empowered by you because of your goodness to us we ask these things in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Central Church

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Length: 33min 37sec (2017 seconds)

Published: Sat Sep 29 2018