Relationship - Alistair Begg

the following message by Alistair bag is made available by truth for life for more information visit us online at truthfortheworld.org we'll turn to first Peter and Chapter three I should say to you that this evening is not going to match up to any standard of biblical exposition I'm not even going to attempt it and if I removed immediately from my responsibilities then I want to say now there has been wonderful being here but as I've reflected on the opening addresses and the nature of this morning and then the events that have unfolded today I determined that I would talk to you this evening hopefully in the kind of gracious manner of benevolent visiting uncle and everything that I say I trust will be grounded in the Bible and will be biblical in its framework but I'm not going to attempt an exposition I want to talk to you tonight about relationships and particularly interpersonal relationships between the sexes and since they inevitably in God's plan lead to marriage we'll read just these few verses in the instruction given by the Spirit of God via Peter to husbands and wives in first Peter three wives in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes instead it should be that of your inner self the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is a great worth in God's sight for this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful they were submissive to their own husbands like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master you are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life so that nothing will hinder your prayers there is more than an even chance that whether you meet your intended life's partner in this institution or not it may well be that in the next two or three years of your life you will in some context meet the person that will share your life with you providing that God has planned for you to be married and since the statistics on relationships and marriage are so horrendous not least of all within the framework of the Christian Church it's important that we are constantly making reference to this in our own thinking planning accordingly so that we do our very very best if God intends for us to be entrusted into the custody of another to come to that day and to that opportunity prepared and ready for the privileges and the responsibilities it has been my unbelievable privilege to be married now for the last 27 years we celebrated our anniversary on the 16th of August this year as we do every year and I may see more about that later but probably not let me just say certain things to you this evening when you think about relationships at all in every relationship our relationship with God must come first and indeed unless we have a meaningful viable increasing relationship with the Lord Jesus ourselves not being kept afloat by our family structure not relying on the temperature of the Cedarville campus but our own personal walk with God practicing the presence of the Lord Jesus memorizing his word being in it daily sharing it regularly then we really should go no further than that in terms of developing relationships because it is in direct relationship to our walk with Christ that everything else falls into line now that is particularly so when we think about relationships with the opposite sex and it is important that when we find ourselves in a context such as this where the opportunities for friendship are many and varied that we never assume that a friendship has to be more than a friendship when it begins we should never assume that friendship is going to be more than friendship when it begins and by the same token we should recognize that the absence of a friendship with someone of the opposite sex does not determine our significance or our meaning in life and indeed if we do not have such a friendship we want to beware of anyone who would try and presses into that kind of friendship many who have done so have found themselves in dire straits we need to recognize that there is no good thing that the Lord will withhold from those whose walk is blameless if we are not involved in a dating relationship if we do not have a special other person there's no need for panic God makes everything beautiful in his time and to be unattached to someone of the opposite sex may actually be God's very best for you tonight and it may actually be God's very best for you for always but let us assume since the Bible lays it out is the normal pattern of life that each of you who has yet is not married is planning on being married and therefore you are going to be faced with crucial decisions as you go forward you're going to have to decide where you're going to take advice and whether you're going to listen to those who love you most and care for you the best of all few relationships if then any in life are neutral you remember that from high school there were people in his company it was easy to be good there were people in whose company was easy to be bad that is true not only of fraternal relationships but it is definitely true with those of the opposite sex and when we make friends with the opposite sex it is important that we take into account the way in which others view those friendships I wouldn't go so far as to suggest to you tonight that I believe in arranged marriages but I think I'm quite close to the idea because it is always struck me as very strange that our children grow up entirely dependent upon us they want to know whether they should attend this function of that function whether they should apply to this school or that school in the earlier days whether these shoes are right with these trousers or whether this skirt looks good with these heels or whether my hair looks good here or over there or whether you like this color on me now or then and you're just dying under the weight of all the decisions that you have to make in order to help you chart your course and then all of a sudden I would the blue you show up at the front door on the arm of someone I don't even know called Rodney who in the world is Rodney and then I see in your eyes this strange glazed look as you look up at Rodney the look in my eyes is not glazed at all it's piercing I want to know all about Rodney who his dad was who his mum was what size shoes are whether he washes his socks at night I want to know everything about him because as a father I care for my girl and the same is true with our silence that was plural or you think I develop a speech impediment since this morning my mother died when I was twenty one of my sister's was 15 the other was 11 and so they grew up through their adolescent years without a mom and certainly I could never be a mother but I found myself fulfilling a role that was not a normal role for an elder brother and I took far more interest in the friendships that my sisters were establishing then I think would be normal for the ordinary elder brother although I think it was a good pattern and I would recommend it to every elder brother and there were occasions when there was tears and argumentation and the banging of bedroom doors as I explained to my sisters this guy as a jerk you want to have nothing to do with him I know who is I've seen him around get rid of him but he sent me roses yes I already put them in the garbage don't worry about that and in the Providence of God I introduced both my sisters to their husbands they're both happily married one in Scotland one in England I picked them out almost of course they light them two and they've been living with them for a while but if you find that in developing a friendship it isolates you from your immediate circle of friends all of a sudden they don't want to come and sit next to you in the cafeteria because you're with him or they find you standing outside the restroom door waiting for her if you find that this begins to isolate you from others and from Christ and from your family then you're probably without question on the wrong track and so it is imperative that in all of these things we come to the issue slowly with realistic expectations and without anticipating marriage in any of its aspects in the development of friendship so often I listen to young people tell me well I know that once we're married we'll be able to take care of that whatever that is when I know that he's got a little problem there or I know she's a little difficult there but we will be able to sort that out listen most people under dating relationships are on their best behavior and so you have to be very very careful you need to see this potential spouse in a variety of different situations for example you need to see what he's like when he's late for an appointment because of congested traffic and you're driving in the car with him you need to see what he or she is like visiting a hospitalized loved one you need to see what he is like in the way that he treats his mother and speaks to her and whether he looks into her eyes when she asks him question you need to see the way in which she brushes her hair from her forehead when her father asked her a question across the dining room table you need to see what she's like playing with children in the street being around their parents with their regular friends participating in competitive sports handling various stressful situations and the tragedy that I faced as a pastor is in finding couples coming to me to be married and they've never seen each other in any of these situations they've got a kind of hurry-up offense stirred by their emotions fueled by their glands they're ready to be married very often they haven't decided whether they're actually marrying a person or whether they're marrying a body Western society is obsessed with externals facial features figure muscular composition weight hairstyle and so much more most magazines even Reader's Digest is there now managed to have an article somehow or another related to our bodies even if is only the health of our bodies and this puts tremendous pressure on our culture young women quickly assuming that their significance is directly related to their shape and to their dress size young men frequently modeling themselves after professional athletes disappointed that their features are less than perfect and products offered from toothpaste to self-tanning products with a cover message that image matters more than character image doesn't matter more than character therefore it is vitally important that when you think these issues through that you're asking yourself the question is the attraction that I feel for this fellow is the attraction that I feel for this girl motivated primarily by physical instincts now I want to suggest for a moment that that is some marginal consideration but beauty is for all of us in the eye of the beholder now there may be shared perceptions but we often have very clear understandings of what we regard as lovely and so the more significant questions don't have to do with shape and size and structure but we need to be asking questions like do I enjoy having a conversation with her can this fellow carry on an intelligent conversation how do I feel when I introduce this chap to one of my father's business associates is this character a social misfit does he or she have a growing interest in spiritual things or do I get the impression that they're simply saying that because they know that it is important to me my young friends tonight listen these questions get to issues that are enduring age takes its toll on all of us physical beauty is passing to invest in a person as simply a physical package is to set ourselves up for a dreadful fall because the package will begin to sag and will begin to droop over time the law of gravity is the law of gravity there is only so much you can do to keep it all up where it needs to be and some of us never ever had it up where it needs to be in the first place and so we are of all men most miserable when I came to America for the first time in 1972 I came in search of a girl I knew the girl was I wasn't trying to pick her out of the crowd but I tracked her down to Michigan to the shores of Western Michigan found her there amongst a bunch of young American fellows who had muscles in places that I didn't have places they took great delight in teaching me how to water-ski they could ski in their bare feet they didn't need to skis one ski no skis they skied in their bare feet they gave me these gigantic doors on which to stand never telling me that if you don't get up the first time you let the Rope go my hair was like that on the front cover of sweet baby James where he wears the blue denim shirt find it in an old an old fashion store somewhere but it was long and they dragged me through the water like a dead dog much to their hilarity we'll get rid of this Scottish whippersnapper a hundred and thirty-nine pounds soaking wet ugly little creature that he is coming over here for our American girls then they took me under trikes that was a bad decision on my part some fellows father had an agency or a dealership or something and I arrived in a place that I don't know where it was to find all these bikes the fellows got on the front the girls got on the back and off we were going through the Michigan dunes so I did what they did I got on the front the girl got on the back they all took off I went about a hundred yards and ditched it in the sand with the girl as well I got back up I can't bore you with the story I had dreadful hay fever the worst kind of hay fever it produced horrendous nosebleeds I ditched the bike in the sand my nose began to bleed the hay fever began to go the blood began to congeal with the sand on my face I look like a Mohican Indians somewhere and they've given me a helmet of all things in my hair was sticking out in bunches at the side boy did I look good and the final ignominy was that I had to ask the girl to drive the bike while I sat on the back and she rode the bike back around in the sand and they were all there waiting for me the All American Marines and here he comes peering over the shoulder of his girl the meheecan with a hair sticking out of the back what possible hope did I have I was on no-hoper no chance now I have to go home across the Atlantic Ocean and leave this girl and the dirt bike and everything else behind sometimes when we write in the car together now all these years later I look across at her and I say my my my it certainly could have been physical I actually met her when she was 13 I decided pretty quickly that if ever this girl would grow up around her eyes and I got the chance I would marry her I've never ever wanted to marry anyone else from the age of 16 I wrote letters to her for seven years four of those years across the Atlantic Ocean so for those of you who are doing English never doubt the power of the pen all those American water skiers bowed to the Scotsman's pen so girls your beauty shouldn't be that which comes from time spent in front of a mirror but rather time spent in front of the mirror of the Word of God and then the biggest thing that you can bring to the possibilities of marriage is the character of integrity and a life of spiritual maturity now what I would like to do in the remaining time that I have and I'm not sure how much I have is help you by suggesting what you should look for if you're planning on getting a husband and then if I have time I'll tell you what you should look for in a wife this is just my opinion and it's really quite a good opinion as I think you'll agree there's nothing funny about this nothing surprising number one or should I look for in a husband the man should be committed to his to growing in his relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ committed to growing in his relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ do not take on a fellow as a discipleship project don't take on a husband who is merely mastered Bible trivia look for a husband who's serious about growing in grace and in a knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ imagine that he's going to be in part your Shepherd and your guide that he's going to be the spiritual leader of your home that he is going to be the nurturer of your children together and think about that long and hard before you sell out for anything else secondly a husband should be an individual of obvious integrity if he cheats on the golf course beware anyone that cheats on the golf course the potential for cheating anywhere if you find him in an employee employer situation fudging the issue in his sales calls telling somebody that he can get the product to them in two weeks when he comes afterwards and tells you that actually he knew that he couldn't get it there for four weeks but he said that because he didn't want to lose the sale on the day he tells you that you need to have a long serious conversation with him and if he seeks to undergird his deceptiveness with argumentation you should probably kiss him goodbye no matter how some men try to justify their use of untruth those lies should serve as neon signs to prospective Bryant's what makes you ever think that if a person would lie to a customer to a boss to a teacher to a parent he wouldn't also lie to his wife you need a husband who is honest to the core to a fault thirdly you need to look for a husband who is able to lead boldly to lead boldly not everyone is going to marry the high school quarterback of the class president that's not the kind of leadership to which I'm referring but every girl needs to look for the kind of man who can think for himself who can weigh options and who can make good decisions no person always makes good decisions everybody makes mistake many times good leadership demands the willingness to acknowledge that I've made a mistake and to turn around and make a second decision in thinking of a man who is able to lead boldly we ought to say very quickly that a girl should never settle for leadership that is selfish bombastic and domineering the leadership of the Lord Jesus Christ the leadership as espoused by the Apostles is a leadership that is marked by an attitude of servanthood an attitude that submits to the leadership of others and that is a vital importance the the flip side of it of course is simply that a young woman should be more than a little concerned if the fellow that she's dating has to check with his mother all the time I need to find my mom about that and all he's trying to decide is whether he should buy the large or the medium t-shirt in gap you know you got a problem there in fact while he's choosing just slip off ever so quietly into the mall and don't ever come back if he doesn't have the wherewithal to decide between the medium and the large and the navy blue t-shirt you got a problem trust me let somebody else fix it forget the project it's a bad idea you heard it from your uncle Ali okay fourthly you need to look for a husband who displays the ability to love sacrificially to love sacrificially seek out men who display a self-sacrificial dimension not a person who says well I one of the things I'd like to mention to you is that I'm a very self-sacrificing person no no no no no no no no no sorry take that one off your resume self-sacrifice is detected in subtle ways that vary from person to person for example watch at the end of an evening with friends to see if this character is quick to organize and spearhead the cleanup or whether he just waits for everybody else to clean up listen carefully to his elderly aunt when she tells you whether her nephew has ever been faithful in visiting her in the nursing home observe the way he relates to children and to strangers see if he possesses a willingness to hold doors for passers-by with full arms watch his attitude to waitresses and to other people who are involved in serving the public watch his eyes as he sits in a cafe and observes the obvious ravages of AIDS in the body of the young man behind the counter and in these things you'll begin to find out what you're dealing with and incidentally an impressing gentlemen married gentlemen when is the last time that any one of us did anything for our wives that would fit clearly solidly under the category of self-abnegation fifthly our husband should be able to laugh heartily humor is a vital element in preventing marital failure the ability to laugh doesn't mean that he's the class clown or even a joke teller in fact he may be hopeless at telling jokes that may be the funniest part about him constantly turning to you and saying what was that punchline again finishing his jokes just to be met by vacant stares but it is important that he likes to laugh and a key trait to look for is his willingness to laugh at himself if he takes himself too seriously look out listen carefully to him not necessarily when he's on show but can he tell us a story where someone else is obviously the hero where he comes off looking foolish is he willing to reveal pictures to you of the time when he was less handsome with his teeth protruding and his ears sticking out actually if you think about it very similar to what he is right now when he laughs at the comic misfortunes of others is he able to laugh without being crude and unkind and cruel humorous vital it's way up on the top of my list if you've ever read Ragman another cries of faith by Walt Wayne grand I think his name is he tells how he and his wife lived in a small apartment when they were first married and when they had disagreements as the sim apparently frequently did the standard pattern was he would storm out of the door of the apartment and walk around the block one or two times until he can't cool down and then he would come back on one occasion as the disagreement erupted he grabbed his coat and stormed out of the door slamming the door behind him it was raining outside coming down in in buckets and he went to move from the door he realized he jammed his coat in the door and slammed it shut so he had two options one slip your coat off and walk in the rain for two blocks without it or ring a bell and wait for his wife to open the door it's an interesting choice isn't what would you have done anyway he rang the bell his wife opened the door and she was laughing uncontrollably because she had seen this the bit of his coat sticking in the back of the door she knew exactly what had happened she's waiting for the bell to ring the bell rings the door opens and she's just dissolved in laughter and in that moment he writes I could simply have laughed with her and humor would have provided the bridge to reconciliation but I refused to do so I gathered up my coat and I walked off into the rainy evening a prisoner of my own refusal to laugh sixthly and there are only six her husband should model genuine humility simply put a good husband shouldn't be stuck on himself genuine humility keeps its focus on others you need to watch and see if the other person can share the joy of a competitor success I wonder do you remember it's hard for me to say do you remember now the movie is 20 years old some of you weren't born staggering thought to be this old but go get it from the theater and watched Chariots of Fire and in the fictitious scene that is created between the race between Eric little and Abrams a race that never ever happened but it was it was good for the story remember Erik falls and then when the Vangelis music kicks in that Spurs him on and he gets up again and oh no that music wasn't playing as what yeah anyway and uh and eventually he runs to victory and it cuts from the victory to the bleachers and in the bleachers Abrams sits and out comes his girlfriend's very pretty looking in all in white as I remember with a large hat I think she sits down beside him and his Moreau he's morose and she says him well you came second he said I don't want to come second and then he says if I can win I won't run to which she replies if you don't run you can't win and if you find yourself in the company of somebody who cannot be an understudy who can't sit in the second chair who can't play second fiddle who's always going to be the theme of the story the joke of the party the success of the event I want to suggest to you girls that you might want to take a long hard look at whether you're in the company of the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life okay fellows here we go what do we look for in a wife number one tall too thin three sorry sorry I couldn't resist that that's terrible number one it's the same as number one for the husband it's obvious a good wife must have a personal faith and trust in the Lord Jesus it is the basis for any and all of the other qualities on the list I can't overstate for you the importance of ensuring that you don't enter into an intimate relationship where one person is a Christian and the other is not the Bible is clear don't get unequally yoked to be unequally yoked is to be unable to pool together that means that are two divergent standards two opposite goals two radically different interpretations of life two incompatible masters to serve two contrary powers at work unbelief allied with belief in Jesus means just one thing there can be no real intimacy in matters that really count the two cannot pull together because they are not truly together and so Paul commands believers to marry first Corinthians 739 only in the Lord and in the course of 27 years of pastoral ministry I've watched and experienced empathetically the sadness of girls who got themselves way committed into something and felt unable to extricate themselves they thought that they could evangelize him they thought that they could bring him round i sat with him and said if he's not about to bow before your Savior well he doesn't have your hand in marriage do you think he's going to do when you marry him oh yes I'm sure he promised me that when we get married and so on it goes and I've had occasion just to sit and say to the girl you can either cry now or you can cry later you can cry now because you've lost them or you can cry later because you've got him and the same is true for a fellow if he is going to anticipate anything other than a godly wife secondly we need to look for a wife who possesses beauty that is deeper than the skin deeper than the skin I don't know of anyone who said so to find a spouse who's physically unattractive but the importance of a gentle and a quiet spirit is is almost unquantifiable a wise fellow looks for a woman who possesses a natural radiance rather than a glow that comes from a bottle it is less important to find a woman whose beauty comes from time spent in front of a beauty parlor then from time spent in the presence of the Lord Jesus I recall walking on the beach with the man who turned out to be my father-in-law we were at a place called Rehoboth I've never been there since I remember going there and perhaps in Maryland I don't know and his daughter one of four daughters was out swimming in the water in the shore and I was walking along with him he liked me but not a lot I think he wanted to keep all of his daughter safely in America and get rid of me and anybody like me and as we reached the part of the spot where she was swimming she came out of the water and she walked towards us she tossed her head back and her hear and he turned to me and he said what a beautiful girl inside and outside the inside is the key the outside is the bonus thirdly you need to look for a wife who is an initiative taker with an attitude of submission an initiative taker with an attitude of submission this simply parallels what we said previously about a man being a sacrificial leader any wise fellow is looking for a woman with ideas abilities hopes plans gifts dreams the whole panorama of abilities that she brings to marriage because in entering into marriage in more areas than we're prepared to admit as the husband's will be dependent upon their knowledge upon their insight upon their courage upon their faith upon their expertise so when I hear a noise in the night downstairs I have a very brave wife for which I'm thankful are you maybe the kind of guy that immediately runs down the stairs and takes care of it I'm the kind of guy that wakes her up and says honey there's a noise and after all these years she knows where that means she dutifully gets out of bed takes me by the hand and we go down the stairs together I am unashamedly dependent upon our not only their the word submission is so frequently understood it's become a sensitive issue for many people it's not uncommon for girls to tell me that they're not going to say that part in their vows incidentally anyone who does I tell them get married by somebody else because I'm not going to marry you and that of course goes over very well with a girl's mother but anyway who cares God's intended role for a wife is not a wait around for her husband's directives or somehow or another she was paralyzed without them you don't think that Adam and Eve in the Garden Eve was sitting around with a bunch of flowers saying what am I supposed to do with these and Adam said well put the daffodils on the left put the chips on the right and put the begonias over here behind me no he said honey I don't know what you do with flowers there will seldom be a day as a man when we do not have occasion to depend on multiple levels upon the wisdom insight initiative grace courage faithfulness integrity skill giftedness of our wife's all of that said it does not negate the fact that in the order of God's plan for marriage the man is entrusted with the awesome responsibility of being held accountable as leader in the home it is therefore imperative that you do not fall into the clutches of a bossy self-opinionated woman who you will see it in relationship to her father you will see it in relationship to her peers you will see it that she's unprepared to submit our heart and our mind and our lifestyle ultimately to the clear teaching of the word of God the roles of husband and wife in more ways than physically are not in the scriptures interchangeable and therefore certain expectations for the individual role of each other needs to be understood and worked out fourthly a wife the kind for which we look should build her husband's confidence trustworthiness stems from character a woman's intrinsic qualities are revealed by her actions a girl knows the difference between dressing in a way that is attractive and dressing in a way that is deliberately seductive girls know the difference so do we men if you find in dating a girl that it is clear from the way she carries herself that she enjoys the possibility of creating titillation and the minds of other men who are around in the context whether it be of the swimming pool or whether it be of the coffee shop whatever maybe let that be to you a gigantic warning sign it may be an opportunity for learning and growth it may however be the occasion when you slip out the back jack and you get a new plan Stan and there's no need to be coy boy just get yourself free just hop on the bus Gus no need to discuss much that's actually from Paul Simon there must be 50 ways to leave your lover which of course I'm not suggesting to you but it just came to mind and I'm sorry two more and we're finished we're looking for a wife who displays kindness that touches others looking for a kindness that touches others women don't of the exclusive ownership of the characteristic of kindness but often they do a much better job in expressing compassion than most men it would appear I don't think this devalues indeed I think it exalts women to say that God has fashioned them to be capable of special tenderness men are frequently intent on keep moving let's get going women are far more willing to stop in the cause of compassion is Right probably if you think about it women that have marked our lives have often marked our thinking on account of their tenderness and as our culture continues to promote effeminate men and masculine women as Christian people we must be prepared in the face of ridicule abuse and possibly persecution to be unashamed in holding firm to the guidelines of Scripture when it comes to these things there were very very clear reasons for the Old Testament commands relating to the distinction between the sexes and actually we do well to pay more attention to them than we're prone to do in an increasingly androgynous culture girls should look like girls and will always be their best when they do and of course men should be like men it seems almost impossible that we have to say these things doesn't it finally a wife like a husband should have a sense of humor that Braves adversity the ability to laugh will get couples through more than a few rough spots I think about Susan when she came to Scotland with me after we were married first of all I had no money she had a little money that she'd saved I took all her money and we used it to get back to Scotland we sailed on a wee we cruised to London from the Port of New York don't get any illusions about how beautiful it was it was horrendous we were on a Russian sailing ship called the Mikhail Lermontov in 1986 in Zurich I was reading The Herald Tribune with a doctor as we headed for Kenya together as we sat on the plane I saw tiny paragraph it said Russian motor vessel sinks off the coast of New Zealand I put my hand over and I said the Mikhail Lermontov and then I looked down and that's exactly what it was I don't know whether we were on its maiden voyage but it was close to say that this thing was backward is an understatement I couldn't use up your time describing how horrendous it was as I assured my young bride lower and lower and lower into the belly of this cavernous thing and then finally into our stateroom where you had to go in and then step back and then let the second person in and then at that point you were here and so were your bunk beds and neither of us have ever done drugs except on that particular 10-day voyage and I don't know what it was we took but it was a combination of anything that was available from the gift shop Dramamine and anything that went with it and in a semi-comatose State we celebrated our marriage she on the top and me on the bottom and then me on the top and she on the bottom sailing towards London leaving America behind leaving her family behind leaving all those boys in Michigan behind leaving the whole thing behind giving she's got a sense of humor and when we finally got to the apartment that the church had set aside for us in Edinburgh she said about the business of making a home I told her that I had put together some furnishings which I which I had got from a friend at college who was adept at picking up junk everywhere he went and I didn't really know but we put this file stored furniture in a garage and we had it picked up and brought to Edinburgh I was gone on the day that arrived she was not and she had the embarrassment of standing there as two elders from the church picked these horrendous pieces of furniture off the back of us this equivalent of a u-haul and carried them up the stairs and I remember coming home to her it was all maybe two or three days into this project and this this furniture the water was not two pieces that matched it seriously was uglier than anything you could ever imagine this stuff was bad with a capital B and in the evening I took it down the stairs and smashed it all to bits with a hatchet and put it out for the garbage to pick it up the following morning you think my wife's got a sense of humor she better have and if you're looking for a girl they can put up with your strange peculiarities you better look for one who can laugh as well because I've seen you and you're pretty funny now when I go over to the dorms tonight and tomorrow night I'll be dealing with the young men and other more personal questions I'm not going to engage in them now but I want to finish with a quote because there are people here tonight and you're saying I don't have a boyfriend I don't have a girlfriend frankly I'm not planning on getting one anytime in the near future and I'm wondering whether it may be that singleness is my lot in life well let me quote to you from one of my favorite singles john stott what about us he says our singles we too must accept the Bible's teaching however hard it may seem as being God's purpose both for us and for society we shall not become a bundle of frustrations and inhibitions if we embrace God's standard but only if we rebel against it Christ's yoke is easy provided we submit to it it is possible for human sexual energy to be redirected both into affectionate relationships with friends of both sexes and into the loving service of others alongside a natural loneliness accompanied sometimes by acute pain we can find joyful self fulfillment in the self giving service of God and other people the chances are you will meet your mate in the next three or four years do not assume that a friendship has to be more than a friendship when it begins do you know how many people got married and they weren't even friends covenant before God that you will not add to the statistics but God helping you you will please him whether in singleness or in marriage living according to the principles of his word let's pray together father I pray that out of a multitude of words it may be to your word that we look I pray that anything that is unhelpful or foolish or trivial may be banished from our recollection and all that is of yourself and encouraging and up building may be woven into the fabric of our lives I pray for these young people Lord as they're surrounded by so much in our culture that drives them in directions that are clearly alien to the principles of the Bible and where they've already found themselves in by-path meadow I pray that you will give to them a repentant heart and a fresh start and a clean page and may tonight be for them a new day don't allow the evil one to cause them to rummage around in the garbage cans of sin that has been forgiven and dealt with and bring them together Lord in purity and in joy and in humor and in fullness and may we as Christians in this particular way be as salt and light in our community showing to a world of broken relationships and shattered homes and unfulfilled dreams and aspirations the difference that the lordship of Jesus makes within our heart and within a home for we ask it in his precious name Amen you've been listening to Alistar beg your welcome to pass this message along to others but please do not charge for this message or alter it without written permission from Alistar beg or truth for life this message has been provided to you free of charge by the generous supporters of truth for life for additional information about how you can support truth for life please visit us online at truthfortheworld.org

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Keywords: Pastor Alistair Begg, Alistair Begg, Relationship, Relationship Lecture, Lecture, We Two are One, Christian Lecture, www.truthforlife.org, Truth for Life

Id: 8upqm-9y0bw

Length: 54min 14sec (3254 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 30 2012