Relationship Advice for Women r/AskReddit Reddit Stories | Top Posts

men have read it what is the best relationship advice can you give us women say what you mean don't dance around an issue don't make it a game be direct and just come out with it in a not a shawlish way you could save yourself a lot of time potential pain or the escalation of an argument that wasn't even on the table that's for both sexes woman i'm cold man thinking to self um okay woman an hour later upset why didn't you get me a blanket or turn up the heat man because you didn't ask me to with my wife and i it's gotten to the point where when she does something like this i'll straight up say thank you for the information is there something you'd like me to do with this information double quote sometimes she really is just giving me information all wants to talk sometimes she expects me to do something with that information but until she clarifies i have no idea we don't have to talk to consider equality time my wife and i have this on lockdown we drove three hours to go pick the kid up from her moms we talk out our plans before getting on the interstate which is seven minutes down the road once we get on the interstate it's silence between us drive an hour and i'd say i need coffee and a piss you hungry or anything she might say yes and then wherever she wants to eat we will go to but usually it's whatever is closer if she says no then waffle house it is any other words is just me bitching about drivers i kinda knew the silence didn't bother her but i got the definitive answer when her mom the kid and my wife came back from a little hike she came through the door looking on set before the other two i was watching sports and just said how was the hike she blurts out itdb great if i didn't go with two people that didn't stop talking double quote holding your relationship hostage in every argument means you're a shitty person with no real argument oh yay then why are we even together double quote if i'm so shitty then just leave me double quote i guess you don't care about our relationship then double quote my husband used to say things like that at the very beginning of the relationship i brought it up not during a dispute and found out it's because he thought i was out of his league and genuinely expected me to leave and didn't want to be blindsided i told him to knock it off i wasn't going anywhere and five years later when married and have a baby on the way we're insanely happy never really get in tiffs and i can honestly say we are each other's other half but it didn't change how annoying it was to hear then why don't you just leave me double quote some of that can come from insecurities but if it's constant it's more manipulative than anything if you're so saying sht like this talk about it there might be more to it but there might not little compliments are really awesome also talk about what you want and don't want please this goes for men and women good communication makes things so much easier if you hit or berate your boyfriend's spouse that's abusive it doesn't matter what gender the abuser is and even if it doesn't hurt physically it can really hurt mentally and emotionally yeah i've been hit by a girlfriend years ago it hurt pretty bad and when i called it out it was girls can't hit guys i was young naive and had low enough self-esteem that her attention was more valuable than my own self-respect it's a good thing that relationship lasted four months she was all kinds of awful we can't read minds never think we should know what you want or are thinking yeah nah sure you can't read minds but sometimes you miss the obvious like the woman comes home from a work shift there's a mess the bin needs to be taken out it would be nice if the meal had been started these are things that are so obvious having to constantly ask is annoying like the guys who will do something when you ask but won't take the initiative themselves the examples i give are actually from my adult daughter when she was living with me but you get the idea don't take relationship advice from reddit don't take any advice from reddit based on this little comment and the zero context i have about your life my advice break up with your significant other they are clearly selfish and abusive and you don't deserve to be treated that way people change for their own reasons don't get into a relationship with someone hoping he will change unless he wants to it won't happen remember that love is a choice not a feeling someone who loves you is going to treat you in such a way that you feel loved if you don't feel it and he has no interest in doing things to make you feel loved he doesn't love you he might have the hots for you sure that's not love after five years of marriage my wife asked me when i was going to quit smoking i asked her if she remembered our wedding day just before we walked down the aisle if there was anything about me she wanted me to change and she said no dear i love you just the way you are and then she looked at me and said that's when i thought i could change you when you are with your so put the airfat percenting phone down nothing gets to me more than having a set time to be together and her constantly checking txts fb instagram when i am with my so my phone is on silent and stays in my pocket so i can be focused and engage with her this should be the case with friends too we've all seen groups of friends out and all of them are on their phones what efck are you doing out with friends if you're going to ignore them especially true with your so with my last gf i would spoon her and do the occasional boob grab of course every once in a while she would big spoon me and squeeze my man boob it was funny cute and strangely made me feel loved probably my top advice for anyone in a relationship do not play relationship games just say what you want don't make the other person guess don't make them try to win you over don't play the silent game where they have to guess what they did wrong or guess how to fix things and don't loyalty test them or whatever crap if trust is lacking tests won't fix them communication and trust will if that doesn't work test certainly won't just say what you want if the other person genuinely doesn't know and is trying that's okay don't make it unnecessarily hard on them try to make it clear up front if you want him to find what's wrong with your outfit or just give compliments when you ask how an outfit looks the assumption is you just want a compliment but if you actually want a second set of eyes in case you missed something we need to know that imma say that most women probably don't care if you wanna chill play games or hang out with your buddies occasionally in fact most women probably expect you to have some shti of your own to do but there are dudes that it's all they do is play video games and be with their friends for some people it gets to the point of addiction i know cuz i used to be like that i stopped playing a few games because i become too addicted to it and it consumed all my free time it's all i will want to do those who can game for a set amount of time and stop should be able to manage time well enough to game and keep your girl happy disclaimer this does not apply is for dads you gave up your gaming rights the sec your pullout game became weak if you want to be with someone else dump your partner don't pull that [ __ ] where you play the field while having a partner who you're keeping on the back burner if things don't work with your new crush and sure as hell don't string your partner along waiting for the perfect moment to break up with them while you're f king around with someone new the best time to break up with your partner when you don't want to be with them especially if you want to be with someone new is immediately rip off a band-aid and get it over with maybe they'll be mad or upset but they're gonna find out if you lie to them about just wanting to be single for a while when you're putting up pics with you and nubu a couple weeks later on social media and that f king hurts way more than if you just be honest in the first place if you want to be with your current partner don't be f king around with mr he's just a friend because you're not as slick as you think and that's emotional cheating longetivity in a relationship is about compromises both ways if the other one is the only one who always has to bend backwards but you never do you are not doing it right if you go into a relationship with a list of things he does wrong but you want to fix in him neither of you will be happy people can make small incremental adjustments and concessions but most people don't make sweeping changes to their personality and habits for the sake of another person you have every right to break up with a guy who makes you unhappy he has every right to break up because living with a constant reminder of what he isn't doing right is miserable both of these things can be concurrently true about people who are in a relationship together if we say something seemingly offensive out of nowhere ask what we mean instead of assuming the absolute f king worst thing that could be interpreted good answer i feel this some people are too quick to extrapolate meaning out of something you are saying while you are saying it let me [ __ ] finish talking and if my words come out stupid ask me to clarify after i'm done talking verbal communication can be very sloppy from time to time men rarely change be happy with your purchase before you buy instead of seeing potential in him you may never realize reminds me of women marry men thinking they'll change but they don't men marry women thinking they won't change but they do the ultimate dilemma don't treat your partner differently in front of other people than you do in private learning to recognize when you being a btch will go a long way don't fck other people comma learning to recognize when you being a btch will go a long way i have learned to recognize this and every time i stop myself before saying something unnecessary and hurtful i realize how being petty and [ __ ] would not only put a damper on my relationship but also on my mood i am so much happier when i can let go and not be tch about irrelevant stuff i'm sure my husband is also happier for it we enjoy a comfortable silence not every moment need be filled with meaningless talk that may not be a general thing as silences can be awkward for some speaking for myself though two people can enjoy one another's company in silence also don't neglect the balls always remember that he is an individual and not just an entity of class man confuse program and noises joke aside i agree wholeheartedly everyone is different and generalization is so stupid no matter what it is about everyone has different views morals motives needs and aspirations and people should be aware of that especially in a committed relationship why do people love dogs seriously why they don't do much they don't work they don't do our taxes they poop and don't even clean up after themselves the only thing dogs do is provide affection that's the answer the secret to winning affection is to give it all men want all people want is to be wanted do what dogs do and be excited be happy to be near us and we will race around the earth to steal you the sun the best advice i can give is don't be friends with an ex or someone you rejected you're absolutely not doing them a favor you're not letting them down easy you're dangling a dream in front of someone who will never get it cut contact and leave you're turning a broken heart into a festering one also if someone is threatening self-harm which i hear a lot of girls experience if you cut contact tell someone your friends your parents their parents authorities anyone this is a very disgusting way of manipulation and it can really mess you up talk about it and get help i like bill burr's advice the best moment he had was when his gf made him a sandwich and gave him a beer said nothing and walked away my wife came upstairs handed me a cold beer gave me a kiss and walked back down it was the best after i finished it i immediately went down and spent a good two hours watching housewives with her lol i do this all the time it's my favorite thing to do if i'm baking cookies i'll plate a couple of fresh ones just from the oven pour a cup of coffee and just go put it on his desk while he's playing computer games i don't say anything or i'll peek in to see if he has a drink if not i'll pour him a drink and take it in i just like taking care of him but he does similar things for me too [Music] if you start seeing someone and they start contacting you way too much and want to see you every single day right off the bat just move on they probably have codependency issues had a friend who did this and every time he would throw himself totally into the relationship it would last a month and then it was like the world of ended until he met someone else a week later and did the same [ __ ] i stopped hanging out with him if you like a guy not even head over heels just if you appreciate being around them just tell them we don't ever really get compliments like this so we often hold on to the ones we get for months even years tell your friends you love them and care about them it might mean nothing to you but it means the world to us be the one who engages intimately once in a while what i'd give to have a girlfriend reach out and touch me without me doing anything prior means a lot to a guy i'm a woman but if you have an issue with him just [ __ ] tell him stop dancing around and expecting him to know he probably doesn't even know he pissed you off he's not a mind reader the sooner you actually speak up than the sooner the issue is resolved i see this in relationships around me all the time and communication is such a basic trivial aspect that so few people seem to make an attempt at also like be a bro and hug him guys tend to be starved of physical intimacy it seems fairly common for women men also guilty of trying to worm their way into a guy's life as a strategy to move things forward most guys seem to strongly dislike this it can be very manipulative and can seem to indicate we'll lose a lot of freedom if we move forward see also being very entitled to his time especially if you just want us to be present while you watch tv bonus negative points for being on your phone while you want us around close bracket the more you can keep yourself content without our effort and time the more attractive the relationship is most character trees that a guy has aren't going away people change throughout the course of a relationship but fundamentally core behaviors and beliefs won't budge if you see a habit or trend you have to put up with that bothers you ask yourself if you can put up with it forever relationships will have sacrifices but don't assume you're willing to sacrifice your happiness forever to tolerate something and don't assume they'll sacrifice this for you many men don't get the attention from women that women get from men we're expected to give flowers arrange a date initiate romantic evenings etc maybe not the flowers but how about taking him out to dinner or a surprise date doing something he likes plan a romantic evening that centers on him instead of you in other words let us know you like us with more than just words kindness and good personal hygiene go a long way toward making a relationship work also men are tested enough in their lives by family employers schools other guys and society in general don't add to this by conducting tests of your own there's nothing worse than coming home to a test after a long day at work please don't volunteer us to do something for someone else before asking hope i'm so bad about this your car's messed up my husband might be able to help lem ask him oh sweet elderly neighbor whose husband passed away last week your lawn doesn't look awful you think it does you have no clue how you'll get it mode since you obviously can't do it yourself let me get my husband literally have done both of these in the past month to be fair my husband does love working on vehicles and mowing lawns and gets really bored really easily i never really stopped to think that this might be annoying for him and he has never said anything to me i'm always bending over backwards for other people and have a helper's heart and he does but i can see where it probably drives him insane thank you for pointing this out i will be better over be friends like besides the bedroom and looks and finances and help both men and women can live with someone who is not a friend for reasons outlined above and over but that'll end and you'll hate each other if you don't manage to become friends just talk to us be there for us accept that when we're thinking about nothing sometimes we really are thinking about nothing we like cuddles back head scratches and massages too be direct make yourself feel sexy loved and wanted if you consistently reject his advances or never make any of your own it can seriously harm his self-confidence i'm not saying to always have sex every time he wants but make an effort to accept his advances some of the time don't schedule sx either it will feel like pity sex as well men get almost no positive attention outside of their soul so please give it to them they deserve it give them compliments and constantly flirt with them they will absolutely love you for it if you're a woman who's interested in a guy and you know he's single don't be afraid to ask him out men worth your time respect the hell out of women who work up the nerve to ask them out they won't ever be offended or disgusted with you they might even find you more attractive if you make the first move if asked a straight question give a straight answer are you hungry why and do you want to get dinner why and what would you like to eat if you don't know ask what are my options instead of i don't know if you tell him you pick don't complain about his choice guys the same goes for you if you give the decision you have waived your vote try not to pick places they hate cause you like them bonus points if you choose a place they love and you do not best bet is pick a place you both like we are thick so we don't understand your obvious signals one bit when i first got with my boyfriend he wanted to leave after chatting for a few hours while at my house i asked him to stay a little longer and showed him my bedroom he tried to have a conversation about my pc while in there only after i took off my pants did he get the message good communication and independence bring something to the table we should push each other to be better versions of ourselves together if not we aren't right for each other 9 out of 10 times when you ask what are you thinking about and we answer something akin to how much i love you what we really mean is we were thinking of something so random that it makes more sense to just say that instead of explaining for an hour about why aquaman ability to control whales shouldn't work or possibilities as to why hearing your favorite song play on the radio is much more satisfying to listening directly from your ipad we aren't thinking about your friend jennifer we aren't thinking about the weight you gained we are literally just thinking about random bits of info that pop into our head that makes us question reality and we want to spare you from an explanation that could take the better part of the afternoon honestly help us get in touch with our emotions many of us are not emotionally literate and a lot of it has to do with how society wants us to be reassure us that we are not weak for showing emotion or even for crying be there willing to listen and establish that communication it's invaluable i appreciate the sentiment that men should get in touch with their emotions more but it doesn't seem like enzo's job to make their partners emotionally literate this can be a slippery slope if someone hasn't done work on themselves women aren't automatically therapists only say you're fine if you actually are if you have an issue then say so and we can talk about it don't just say you're fine and expect my neanderthal brain to figure out what you mean i'm busy thinking about food and boobs this goes for everyone get past the idea of a relationship and understand the reality of it we are inundated with the idea of a relationship from books television even other people i have news for you that perfect couple where everything seems to be going right they aren't telling you about all the problems we go into relationships thinking about all of the ideal partnerships and are disappointed when the reality of our relationships do not measure up the idea is a fantasy it doesn't exist the sooner that people understand that the more they can objectively measure whether they are happy in the relationship they are in because they begin to temper their expectations against the real instead of the fantasy men communicate differently than women we talk less and do more on average 2000 words a day less for men talking is a way to convey information and instructions and not much else if you tell us your boss is an [ __ ] we'll interpret that as an order to punch his teeth out because that's how we're wired if you've ever caught your man not listening halfway through your conversation about how your day went it's not that he doesn't care but it's because he's sifting through your words to find the instructions this is also why hints nudges looks hues and other forms of unspoken communication can easily fly over our heads we are clueless to what to you may seem obvious so understand that we can be easy confused and that confusion can lead to frustration on both ends it may seems absurd and tedious but being in a relationship implies developing your own unique shared language if you think that having a set of commonly used words is enough you are very wrong don't know if this has been said already but most of us aren't used to being emotionally available so we may not open up and when we do it may all flood out so if you do want your man to be emotionally open try to make it so that it's a manageable controlled flow rather than opening the floodgates all the way sorry for the weird analogy if there is a big issue you're having arguments about with your partner it sometimes helps to give it a rest and come back to it later i guarantee that in that time both will continue to think and come to terms with what's been said so that upon restarting it'll go much better it's just not nice to constantly clash over the same thing non-stop and just because it's not actively talked about doesn't mean we don't know it's there there is no need to constantly bring it up and bash it whatever is on your mind and is eating away at you please state it if you don't and let it eat away at you and you bring it up during an argument later on down the line you may end up getting shouted at and quite possibly exacerbate the matter as well as that you achieve absolutely nothing by staying silent we're secretly sad chivalry is dying and actually enjoy paying for dinner no you don't owe us anything afterwards if you enjoyed it be honest and tell us if not be honest and tell us if we were raised well and were properly socialized we can handle rejection gracefully if you find that you are having similar problems in the relationship after relationship there is only one common denominator your choice of who to engage in a relationship with meaning that all these problems are primarily a u problem until you look in a mirror and fix that problem all the other ones will keep cropping up pretend we're idiots like pretend we're five years old and don't understand complex thought i'm not saying we don't but just pretend we don't instead of i'm cold try babe can you grab me that sweater blanket i like in that example we like to feel wanted and providing if a guy opens up to you about something never ridicule or mock his feelings he probably has very few people he can be vulnerable with and getting that rejection from a romantic partner is a huge blow he's showing you he trusts you he's showing you his humanity listen hold him empathize understand that you also have to earn our trust in all of my relationships there's so much emphasis on the guy earning trust from the girl which is completely valid but there's little understanding that it goes both ways i also have had bad experiences that close me off and you shouldn't take it personally sex is not a currency we both like it and both want it unless it's a favor or treat like fantasy for film and ttc it should always and only be a mutual thing and it should never be used as a weapon to get your way we don't talk constantly it doesn't mean we're mad or not happy we don't pick up on hints or signals we don't like you trying to fix us don't compare us to some imaginary perfect man you want us to be we are who we are appreciate us for that we hate it if when you nag us we want to see you happy probably more than we want to be happy so smile and laugh it will make our day don't speak on our behalf it emasculates us compliment us occasionally guys rarely receive compliments so it's incredibly special to us blow jobs do it don't ever make a man feel replaceable and never give them ultimatums i many of my brothers have gladly taken the threat just to spite them i'll break up with you if you don't yada yada one time a bro said his lady threatened to leave him and he started packing her [ __ ] i heard the screaming down the block dude men also appreciate little displays of affection like flowers or a coffee or something simple like that clothes bracket more sarcastically say when you want something from the takeout i hate when people eat my food xd i used to work as a courtroom interpreter for couples getting divorced this advice goes for everyone reflect on what allows you to communicate clearly and in ways that don't leave you and or your partner exhausted don't assume things about your partner if you've never asked for clarification if they've given no signs that point to what you think you might be wrong and even if they do what you consider a sign might be something that stems from routine and given little to no thought not them trying to send a message don't give detailed accounts about your sex life to your friends i don't associate with any men that do this but i personally know loads of women that do it's gross and feels like a violation of privacy and the intimacy that you two have shared together leaving one to feel disrespected and an experience you'll be amazed at how many relationships fall apart over expectations never properly communicated i can wax poetic on the topic further but i think these are key points that i noticed being issues when working lots of women talk about how much they like affection news flash men don't just like giving affection they also like receiving it if you notice that your man is going in for most of the hugs then try doing a few yourself another thing women are used to getting compliments for a women a compliment won't mean much because usually they get a lot however for a man a compliment won't go in one ear out the other for example five or six years ago i got a compliment from a women on my haircut that haircut is still on my head today that's how powerful a compliment can be to a dude a good word of thumb is that if you like something excluding penetration he probably does too this is not strictly a man or woman thing but if i yawn and you stick your fingers in my mouth and giggle i swear to the flying spaghetti monster next time those fingers are coming off that sht ain't funny quit it if you find a guy that you want to go out with ask him out first off the guy may not know you like him so asking will help him see you as a potential partner and also asking is brave and we also take notice don't wait because it may never happen unless you speak up if he says no then move on and ask another it gets easier i promise stop using the intimate things we tell you against us later also stop sharing our sx life with all your f king friends absolutely not okay no way in hell you'd be okay with that level of sharing with friends if we were to do it one comma trust your gut it's smarter than you think if something tells you a guy is a tool or is cheating well 2. coma do things on your own timetable especially marriage children write your own story instead of keeping up with friends or family 3. common marriage children will not fix a relationship which has gone still or isn't working 4. comma you are never going to change him chances are he's happy the way he is 5. comma do not think you have to stay in an unfulfilling relationship there is something better out there as an older twice married guy i've been through it and have listened to numerous of long time chick friends who've been through it 2. my buddy's wife has this thing where if she asks him to do something but he doesn't catch it the first time doesn't acknowledge it right away like if he's distracted by something else she'll play this what did i ask you to do game like she's judging him for not paying attention the first time all it does is waste time for both of them so please don't do this i was cringing because i was standing right there on that note also don't make a scene in front of his friends over something that can be talked about later it's humiliating and usually puts him in a really bad spot mood tell your man what you really want for sexual pleasure no holds bad drink or smoke weed to lower your anxiety beforehand if need be but do i t after this has been done and fulfilled then you can get real about damn near anything no holding back i know i'm late to this one but in every relationship there is one person who wants more sx or some other show of affection love and one who wants less talk it over and meet halfway or you are both in for a really miserable relationship the one who wants less of any show of affection holds more power they can live without it sex cuddling kind words whatever and the other partner will suffer this will cause friction and erode the relationship but it can also be repaired by talking about it and meeting halfway be direct and be harsh when self-criticizing this goes for both anyways also don't judge based off height as height is genetic and you can't change that however you shouldn't be offended if someone won't date you since you're 69 420 pounds not the currency unfortunately don't get mad at something you set up in your head but never vocalized let your expectations be known most of the time we will bend over backwards if we know exactly what you need want say what you mean mean what you say don't expect anyone to read your mind don't automatically go looking deeper that what is said most times guys say what they mean and mean what they say there isn't a hidden meaning agenda if you're not in the mood for sex please just say honey i'm just not really in the mood right now it's okay i won't get upset i won't be disappointed it's totally fair and i totally get it i know you still love me and think i'm sexy because we have lots of great sex when both of us are in the mood just please don't sit there ignoring my advances because it makes me feel like i'm not doing a good job or something's wrong or who knows it's just a bit of surprise and please don't try to do it just to make me happy even when you're not enjoying it because i can tell and it doesn't make me happy become as independent as possible don't either i have nowhere to go i have no money etc have your own place a good job and when you find someone you like just visit as much as you like if something goes wrong go everyone goes home don't waste your time on a shitty man a lot of us have a lot of tea we haven't even started to deal with and it seems like a lot of us just want a woman to handle all their problems and save them without giving anything back know your worth as a woman and don't let men treat you like shitty it's okay to be single and you really have no obligation to deal with someone else's issues unless they're actually going to be there for you too relationships need to be a two-way street so keep driving if you see enough one-way signs give each other breathing space you don't need to call or check on your spouse every hour to see where they are men don't usually get much attention small compliments and gifts go such a long way being jealous is normal but don't let it consume you and let it turn into loss of trust don't negate or belittle our feelings men have already been told to man up so when we do speak up it usually means that whatever is consuming us is significant be supportive if you come at us with an issue our immediate knee jerk reaction is to give you a solution do not expect us to commiserate with you and write in emotional agony alongside you most of us are problem solvers and will start trying to find a way to resolve and then prevent sad issue me personally i take it a step further and put it out there that i'm not one of her girlfriends nor am i her emotional beating post i let her know to come to me when she's ready to have a discussion and not just take an emotional dump in my general direction but i am a bit of an ass like that [Music] [Applause] [Music] you

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Id: TiaVmIvSV7o

Length: 38min 34sec (2314 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 18 2020