r/AskReddit "He Stuck Four Cubes up My Butt, Railed My Brains Out"

[Music] what is your [ __ ] story that he won't even tell your friends back when I was playing in my band I would often hook up with girls in the audience just to have a place to sleep that wasn't my car you what we in the biz call homosexual matched with a girl on tinder in college had to drive an hour to meet her went to a movie where she sat on my lap and flopped her chest out and said play with em whatever don't have to ask me twice got back to her place turns out she lives with her grandparents her grandmother is asking Who I am blah blah blah she ends up making us cookies which we take to the basement and proceeded to fudge off and on throughout the night apparently her grandma thought I went home and proceeded to slut-shame me out of the house before the girl's grandpa found out and made me regret it talked to the girl once more a couple days later when she told me we couldn't bang anymore cus she was going to jail for some reason it was a crazy 24 hours I met up with a couple on Craigslist a few years back the guy wanted me to fudge his wife while he watched I was pretty hesitant about it but decided what the heck and went for it she was actually very attractive I got there she blew me for a bit and I fudge eat her while he sat in the corner and jacked off the agreement was that we don't know each other after that night which I absolutely intend to keep I laughed and told the ma city while big tends to have a small-town vibe sometimes but that I hoped we never ran into each other again well I'm at work last week and guess who I make eye contact with the girl now employed other than her smiling at me we've ignored each other about four and a half years ago I met up with a cute shy girl from cinder we were both 19 but she still lived with her parents she tells me that her parents are on vacation for the weekend and invited me over on a Friday to hang out for a bit then Gail out to eat within five minutes of me getting to her house we were going at it she tells me she's never had sex before and wanted to end that wound up staying the full weekend just fudge in each other's brains out we continued this relationship meeting in public places halfway between our houses almost 70 miles apart taking every chance we can to go wild in the backseat of my car in broad daylight even one point getting caught by Park security while we were trying anal for the first time in the parking lot late at night almost five years later we are married with a daughter and living our best life together but that honeymoon phase got freaky quick edit sorry guys I wasn't getting pegged nor was at the park ranger he just walked up to the car and saw my sweaty butt glistening in the moonlight while I jabbed my wife's Gooch for the fifth time trying to get it in the dark second edit I guess the park ranger had to give me a reach-around while I blow Yogi Bear to qualify as [ __ ] you guys my bad in college I slept with a guy in his dorm room we fell asleep and 20 minutes later his brother who was visiting Cayman I woke up and had sex with him they were both really hot I told only my roommate she was not impressed edit can't believe how much this blew up this happened in college about 18 years ago College was a fun time amongst these [ __ ] stories uses the [ __ ] so far fudgie the girl in a movie theater with one other person in it we thought we were being sneaky at the time but it was pretty [ __ ] obvious my ex got mad at me because I wouldn't let her give me a [ __ ] in a movie theater once our friends were like right there I always wondered if they noticed her trying probably not but who knows edit please no more than jokes fudgie the girl in a bunny costume she claimed she wasn't a furry and just thought it was kinda cute like Halloween 6 that she was not an all sort of ways definitely a furry met up with a guy from tinder to watch a movie at his place he ended up putting on the energy movie and I still decided to have sex with him not my proudest moment edit thanks for the up votes I can't even brag to my friends about it he knew what he was doing you put a movie on that no one wants to watch and you eventually figure out other things to do on our trip to Vegas when I said I was on the casino floor gambling by myself for a couple hours I was actually meeting up with an older couple to fudge the wife while the husband watched I went to buy concert tickets from a complete stranger and ended up banging her she was a complete psycho but I guess the warning signs were there I talked to the student named Chet and he came to my place for four days and we fudge Eid for four days then he left and I never talked to him again didn't tell anyone so I'm in the king scene but none of my friends know I work a nine-to-five high level management one Sunday Funday while we were watching the game I get a text from a friend that he wanted to fill my holes with come immediately I get turned on but now I can't host and can't leave since Weill I'm surrounded by Vanilla's he tells me not to worry tells me he is outside and afaik like I'm taking the trash out I grab a few bags and open my door he pulls me into the backroom covers my mouth and proceeds to fudge the crap out of me tells me to get on my knees and fills my mouth with [ __ ] he tells me I'm a good girl and sends me on my way I was an orgasm bliss I walked back into my apt with the trash bags my friends were confused luckily I'm quick on my feet and said I saw a rat and was too scared to put the trash faire kind of a humbler brag wheelie but a girl gave me a [ __ ] in the upstairs part of a venue that was blocked off the [ __ ] part about it as we never even spoke a word she just kind of motioned for me to come her way and I did she went from my pants to unbuttoned and I just let it happen came in her mouth and she smiled and walked out no words no name never saw her again after that show bless Punk shows in college my doctor put me on this medication that made me super sexually frustrated all the time I still had a roommate and she was very nice to me so I wanted to respect her boundaries but I got kind of desperate especially on days I couldn't get laid I ended up walking through the trails of the nearby woods at least once a week to masturbate under a tree just off the path I usually did it in the small hours of the morning so nobody noticed but the few times my friend saw me leaving and asked I lied and told them I was going outside to smoke weed I never did get caught and that's how I accidentally figured out that outdoor stuff is a huge kink of mine edit why I never expected this to blow up this isn't even my main hat huh would like to clarify that I'm indeed a woman a filthy lady warlock if you might imagine such I was on a cocktail of meds but the ones that matter in this story are adderall and abilify plus I was being treated for bp80 which is part of how I kept finding ways to get laid so much not at all healthy but makes for a fun story now I go to a swinger sex club with my husband but we are not swingers I'm an exhibitionist and just enjoy having fun while people can watch edit Wow gold thank you edit again and thank you for all the replies and compliments I went to the bar with the intent to meet her up with a specific girl on you we hung out had a couple drinks and then she had to leave I was honestly hoping something would happen and we'd hang out there more so she leaves and I continued to drink over the course of the night I made out with one girl on the dance floor one of the bartender's asked me join her for a smoke break we made out and I fingered her behind the bar dumpster and then I ended up taking a completely different girl home for the night all I wanted was to hang and maybe kiss the first girl who I had a crush on I had sex with someone I had met through hours before in the kitchen of her family home while her family was having dinner in the next room edit argh I haven't seen Step Brothers yet I think I saw that video doesn't really count considering I have told friends but apart from many times fudging in the woods in areas likely to get us caught I have also had sex in a drainage tunnel for rainwater not sewage during the dry summer season no rainwater totally dry our moans echoed up through the grates and I'm sure anyone walking within a half mile could hear us going at it like some kinky penny wife's getting his rocks off I've also fudge eaten a Papa Gino's bathroom while my mother and sister were at the table not exactly proud of that one but I loved her and it was a blast so no regrets edit thank you so much for the silver kinda non first-time super delighted and no it wasn't the Brockton Massachusetts Papa Gino's about 30 miles north keep the guesses coming for all my high school friends if I spent a lot of time at your house your dad or older brother almost certainly saw me naked I was obsessed with older guys back then and would figure out ways to make sure they got an eyeful took a girl up onto the roof of the hostel to bang and told her I was tired and going to bed after her but actually I proceeded to go back down the bar next door picked up another girl and went to her room I actually felt gross my boyfriend of the time approached me with an idea could he make ice cubes out of his [ __ ] stick them up my butt then fudge me using the melting comers lube after a couple weeks and several masturbation sessions later he had cultivated a final product he stuck four cubes up my butt railed my brains out and I then proceeded to empty myself afterward into the toilet but yeah the Compu basically turned my hole into a [ __ ] Slurpee the difference here is all my friends already know this happened here edit to those asking it was prob some of the best sex I've ever had thanks for watching drop a like if you enjoyed don't forget to subscribe smiley face [Music]

Channel: Reddit Diary

Views: 53,360

Rating: 4.8736176 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit, reddit diary, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, askreddit relatable, askreddit school, askreddit doctor, askreddit creepy, askreddit crush, askreddit lawyers, reddit, reddit stories, stories, reddit cringe, reddit scary true stories, reddit and chill, rslash, updoot reddit, r askreddit, r askreddit sad, r askreddit creepy, r askreddit crush, reddit top posts, askreddit teachers

Id: 1A9SUs_V8OQ

Length: 11min 15sec (675 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 01 2019