r/AmITheA**hole for Triggering My Wife's Abuse?

welcome to our slash am i the butthole where opie wants to report the doctors who almost killed her will i be the butthole if i turn in a group of doctors who initially refused to treat me for a life-threatening illness because they refused to believe that it was possible for me to have it so for context i'm a disabled military vet from my time overseas i'm a 36 year old female i rely on treatment from the veterans affairs systems for my healthcare which in my personal experience has always been wonderful in my area a few weeks ago i was rushed to the emergency room with the worst hit pain that i'd ever felt and it appeared in an instant my ct ended up being clear and i was diagnosed as having a migraine the next day is when hell started for me i had two weeks of near constant agonizing pain i had a severely swollen left temple bad jaw pain my vision in my left eye was getting worse and i was seeing double and there were other symptoms stacked on top of those i had been making requests to immediately see my doctor but he blew me off i had a strong hunch of what was wrong with me even though you're not supposed to get temporal arthritis until at least age 50. i just wanted to be taken seriously because i know my body i feel i have a good grasp on my personal pain levels because of injuries i suffered in the military and this was the worst pain that i've ever experienced by leaps and bounds and it never relented finally my doctor saw me and she instantly changed her tune to start treatment i was to get a biopsy of my left temporal artery an eye nose and throat doctor called me to set that appointment up but he wouldn't he told me that i had an actual zero percent chance of having this and i would be wasting my time in theirs if i came in because i was just too young he made it clear that he wasn't entertaining the idea of seeing me at all and he hung up on me it took another 24 hours of fights emails and phone calls and just being treated like garbage to get the biopsy set up the following morning and hey guess what i freaking have it i'm being treated for temporal arteritis but i've suffered permanent vision loss in my left eye because of my delay in treatment let alone what other damages i may have suffered because i haven't been fully informed on the extent of this disease yet i want accountability i want this drastic mistake to be learned from and from other people to not suffer the way that i suffered however people around me are telling me that my anger is too much that i would be a butthole because i went after doctors careers but really i'm looking for advice here so i can make sense of all this and make a decision and oh yeah i would have literally died as a result of this not being treated and it could have happened at any time so that's what people are basing their opinion on you didn't die they ended up saving your life and it could have been worse so what are your thoughts op this story reads like a clear cut and dry example of medical malpractice not one but two doctors completely disregarded your request for medical assistance and as a result you suffered for it like you suffered agonizing pain and you suffered permanent debilitation because of it op you can and should hold these doctors accountable because they were literally playing with your life here if they blew you off then what's to say they won't blow other people off too and so what if you're going after a doctor's career just because they're a doctor doesn't mean that they're good doctors i mean based on what you're saying here it sounds like they're crummy doctors actually look there's systems in place to deal with this type of thing there's laws regulations lawsuits and doctors have insurance so like what will happen here will happen but the point is you need to move forward with sop op i'm giving you zero out of five buttholes you're clearly the victim here you're mad and you have every right to be as for your doctors i'm giving them three out of five buttholes they were being egotistical dismissive and quite frankly dangerous am i the butthole for calling my wife a bully knowing that it would trigger her for context i'm a 36 year old guy and i work as a bus driver i've been doing the same route for about five years and i've gotten to know my regulars pretty well to the point where i consider most of us friends i enjoy my job in conversations and socializing comes easy to me my wife who's 36 works in an office and drives to work so she's never really met any of my regular passengers so i've been married for about five years now and we've got two little kids and every few weeks we do the big shop where we go to the big asda everything was fine and we were going through our shopping list with the kids in the trolley and i heard my wife make a noise of disgust i look up and follow her gaze and i see one of my regulars getting her own shopping done let's call her lily lily is a goth very monochrome color scheme always in black velvet and lace black lipstick powdered white face some visible tats the works but she's a lovely girl very sweet she works as a sign language interpreter at a local secondary school she's involved with age concern in her spare time and she's working towards her phd all around she's a nice young lady my wife launches into a snarky tirade about her appearance look at that why would you choose to look like that she's just asking for attention then probably complains that she can't get a job she looks like a witch it's creepy i wouldn't want that in any place of work and she's probably on drugs i told her to stop because she was being very rude and judgmental but she kept going and saying increasingly worse things about lily not even toning down her vitriol in front of the kids i'll be honest i wasn't the best guy when i was younger and if i'd seen lily when i was in school i probably would have made fun of her too but we're all adults now and i think it's time we left that attitude behind us even if i didn't know lily i would think that sort of talk is inappropriate especially since my oldest son is very impressionable and due to start school in september and i don't want him thinking that's an acceptable way to behave my wife was bullied severely during her teenage years and she told me how much of an impact it had to this day eventually i just told her to shut up and stop acting like the same bullies that made her life hell when she was in school she shut up quick she hasn't spoken to me since and i got an angry text from my sister-in-law telling me that i hurt my wife beyond words and how dare i compare her to her school billies who traumatize her so badly as a teenager i've tried explaining my side and how i want to set a good example for the kids and also that lily was a friend of mine but neither one of them listened and i'm thinking that i might have gone too far okay so i'm actually gonna disagree with the people down in the comments on this one and whenever i disagree with reddit i need to proceed cautiously so give me a chance on this one first off let me just say that what your wife did was wrong criticizing another person based solely on their appearance especially in front of young impressionable kids is just wrong plain and simple it's wrong your wife shouldn't have done that she deserved to be shut down and for that alone she deserves a butthole score so i think i'll give her like two out of five buttholes so like don't get me wrong here the wife is definitely wrong in that scenario she was a hypocrite she was doing something she shouldn't have done she was just being a bad person however separate from that separate from her being a bad person you also have a responsibility as a father as a man as a husband to treat your family a certain way and while i would agree that you definitely should have shut her down i think using her past trauma as the way to do that was probably not the best way to handle that i can't tell what kind of bullying your wife endured when she was a teenager but for all i know she was beaten and abused every single day of her life for years so like yeah what she did at that grocery store was bullying but to compare what she went through to her being snarky in a grocery store it just doesn't really feel like the same thing here so to dredge up your wife's trauma and use that against her to shut her down doesn't really feel appropriate i mean who knows maybe the reason why she had such a visceral reaction to lily was because one of her bullies also dressed like a goth i mean i don't know i mean i'm not trying to belittle what your wife did here because what she did is rude but just can we agree to not dredge up people's emotional or physical trauma and use it to win fights that just feels really inappropriate to me what i'm trying to say op is that there was probably a much better way for you to handle this tactfully i think the appropriate thing to do would have been to wait until you get home have a separate conversation with the kids about bullying and how to treat strangers then approach your wife and ask why she got so triggered by someone dressing like a goth because it's not a big deal and then explain to her that you're concerned that that type of behavior might rub off on your kids and you don't want your kids to treat other people the way your wife did in that grocery store so i guess the tldr here is that you were right to shut your wife down but the way that you shut your wife down is probably not the best way to do it so for that op i think i have to give you one out of five buttholes using someone's old trauma against them is just sucky also down in the comments a lot of people are bringing up sophie lancaster who was a girl who dressed in sort of like an alternative goth way and she was beaten to death for it so yeah treating people this way has real consequences also down in the comments i'm gonna read this reply from full of answers because i feel like they articulate my thoughts in a much better way there was definitely a more tactful way to do this it sounds like you demeaned your wife in front of your kids what message is that sending to them fight meanness and rudeness with more meanness and rudeness as soon as she started her rant you could have interrupted and said actually lily is a great person or you could have left your shopping to go over and say hi how are you lily it's nice to see you this would hopefully lead to little's no conflict with your wife but you could show her and your kids what kindness and compassion really looks like also as a teacher i am constantly having to correct kids and parents use of the word bully your wife was being mean in a butthole but she wasn't doing this over a long period of time repeatedly which it sounds like happened to her as a kid and this is definitely different you knowingly use a traumatic event in her past to tear her down and exert your power over her this honestly is a lot closer to bullying in my opinion your wife was being a butthole and so were you apologize and have a meaningful conversation with her about how you want to raise your kids to be kind and compassionate human beings am i the butthole for kicking my daughter's boyfriend out of the house for eating from the birthday cake before the party started i'm a mother of two girls lily who's 14 and monica who's 21 monica has a 20 year old boyfriend who visits her often to be frank he is not polite or to rephrase he lacks social skills and he always ends up doing things that can be annoying whether intentional or not it's been affecting lily and there have been instances where monica's boyfriend ruined lily's math project and ruined her camera by dropping it because of his increasingly reckless behavior i've set some basic rules and asked him to follow like don't touch anything that belongs to lily monica didn't approve and said that i was treating her boyfriend like a child and she asked me to treat him like it's his own home but i made it clear that when he comes over he's a guest and he should behave like a guest not running around the house causing damage like kids do a few days ago was lily's birthday my sister pre-ordered the cake and picked it up from the bakery and we kept it in the fridge until we finished with preparations we were upstairs while monica's boyfriend was in the living room i went downstairs to the kitchen to get the cake i opened the fridge and saw that someone cut and took a piece of the birthday cake i was infuriated and i figured that it was monica's boyfriend i went to ask him and he admitted that he was the one to cut into the birthday cake i screamed at him and he said that he was sorry but he was hungry i told him that was my daughter's birthday cake and i asked if there was literally nothing else that he could have eaten instead he said yeah there was but i really wanted a piece of that cake because i couldn't wait until the party started i kept screaming at him that he ruined the entire party now lily won't even be able to blow out the candles when the cake looked like that he got defensive and said that it didn't matter if he ate it before lily blew out the candles and that all those birthday party rules are lame and people should just eat the freaking cake once it arrives also he said that it wasn't like he ate the whole thing i lost it and told him to get out of my house he kept calling out for monica to come downstairs and deal with me monica yelled at him and i thought that was it however he said that what he did didn't warn me kicking him out but i insisted that he leave immediately she begged me to let it go but i said not a chance they both left after they argued with me and got my sister involved we had to delay the celebration for two hours so we could get another cake and unlike the previous one this one wasn't customized monica's been angry with me for how i treated her boyfriend by kicking him out on lily's birthday she said that lily wouldn't have minded but i was disrespecting her boyfriend and looking for excuses to keep him out of the house she also said that i caused him to miss the party she wants me to call her boyfriend and apologize but i refuse am i the butthole here this guy's 20 he's 20 years old and he still doesn't realize that you shouldn't eat the birthday cake that belongs to a 14 year old girl op you had every right to kick him out of the house i would have done the exact same thing in fact i probably would have taken it further and permanently banned him from the house what's more i can't believe that monica would defend her boyfriend over her sister i mean sure i kinda get it she cares about her boyfriend she wants her boyfriend to be liked by the family but still lilly's her little sister and her boyfriend ruined her little sister's birthday party and her response to that is to just say oh she won't mind o.p you get 0 out of 5 buttholes you did exactly the right thing here the boyfriend gets 2.5 out of 5 buttholes honestly who steals a child's birthday cake monica also gets 2.5 out of 5 buttholes she should have had her little sister's back but instead she added to the problem op i say just stick to your guns and ban that guy from your house permanently he's super disrespectful am i the butthole for refusing to let my husband eat dinner with me and the kids this might sound silly but my husband loves food not gaming not youtube his weakness is food i don't hold this against him in any way but he eats a lot i should point out that he's in shape and regularly goes to the gym sometimes i find myself cooking bigger portions of food because he'd attempt to eat from our daughter's plates leaving them hungry we always run out of snacks as well so there are times when i have to cook twice a day yesterday at 4pm i was out with my daughters to get new haircuts i already prepared dinner and left it in the fridge until we got back i told my husband that i put his portion aside for when he got back from the gym so he could go ahead and eat if me and the girls were going to be late at 8 pm me and the girls returned home when i quickly went to the kitchen to reheat dinner because we were so hungry i opened the fridge and the food that i prepared was gone i asked my husband and he said that he felt hungry after eating early and he ate our dinner i was angry and kept thinking well what are we gonna eat i kept looking for other options and when i asked about other foods he kept shaking his head saying we ran out of this we ran out of that i bluntly said that he was selfish to eat the girl's dinner he said that he couldn't help it he's always hungry so i went to order delivery for just me and the girls when our order arrived i called the girls and sat down to eat a few minutes later my husband walked out of the office and was upset that we didn't call him to join us for dinner i told him that he already had dinner not once but twice and that i didn't include him in the order since he'd already eaten he lashed out at me saying that i was deliberately ordering food from his favorite restaurant pretty much all restaurants are his favorite and that i was excluding him from dinner and teaching the girls to treat him like an unwanted person at the dinner table i called him selfish saying that this dinner was for me and the girl since he already ate our previous dinner that i spent time making he admitted that he was wrong to eat our dinner and said that he felt bad afterwards but he said that it was totally worth it because there's no doctor therapist or pastor that could help him out with this problem he's just a man who loves food but he said that i was behaving passive aggressive towards him and implying that him liking food is a problem which is incorrect we argued for a few minutes then he went back to the office saying that i should feel bad for excluding him from our meal needless to say he hasn't spoken to me ever since and he keeps teasing the girls about no longer sharing his snacks with them since they were okay with me excluding him from dinner am i the butthole here okay there's like so many multiple layers going on in this pose it's going to take me a while to break this down so first of all this guy keeps saying oh what's the big deal about liking food and there isn't there's absolutely nothing wrong about liking food but what your husband is doing is he's presenting that as the problem he's saying like oh why are you doing all these things when the only problem is i like food but that's not the problem that's the cause of the problem the real problem here is that your husband is being disrespectful of you your daughters and your time you put in all this effort to make a meal for your family and then your husband just comes in and eats everyone's meals okay the respectful thing to do in that situation would be to not eat other people's meals obviously if your husband was right that there was nothing else in the house and then he could have ordered a pizza he could have driven to mcdonald's and gotten a burger i mean what's the problem here but to specifically eat the meal intended for you and your daughters it's just disrespectful but okay whatever so he got weak willed and he ate everyone's dinner what's next does he do anything about it no he's just like well not my problem and goes back to his office he knew that you and your daughters were expecting that for dinner so after he ate them the logical nice thing to do would have been to either cook something or order you food so that when you arrived to be ready like he didn't even call you up and was like hey i'm really sorry that i ate everyone's meal maybe you could grab something for the girls on the way back and now after you've had this fight he's making his daughters feel bad by saying that he won't give them any of his snacks when his daughters have nothing to do with it they got their meal stolen then because of a fight between their parents they lost the opportunity to share a family meal with her father so even though they did nothing wrong your husband is teasing them to make them feel bad o.p your husband is being the butthole in pretty much every way that he can be a butthole in this story he's being a bad person a bad husband and a bad father that was our slash am i the butthole and if you like this content check out my podcast where i publish the exact same episodes also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 521,946

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, prorevenge, r/prorevenge, prorevenge posts, prorevenge funny, prorevenge fails, pro revenge, funny pro revenge, amitheasshole, r/amitheasshole, amithebutthole, r/amithebutthole, aita, r/aita

Id: fYePBjexOTQ

Length: 19min 29sec (1169 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 30 2021