Ralph Harms Chooses a Death with Dignity

ralph harms battled skin cancer for decades in january he discovered a lump in his chest by may doctors had determined the cancer had spread throughout his body and he would likely be dead by august after learning about california's end of life option act ralph made a decision that made the most sense for his life and for his death he also chose to call the press democrat hoping to let others know that they had an option while viewers may find some of the images and some of the content of this video difficult to watch harms wanted to help tell that story he let us witness his final weeks his final days and his final moments in an effort to illustrate end of life options and i think that could be the big title there is an option no of course you don't have to die like a damn dog you know uh the cancer eating you slowly away and not doing anything about it and that's a horrible in my opinion a horrible way to die so to uh take care of that be a jump ahead of it is the cocktail and of course all the things i heard about this it's it is a horrible way to die now if you have stomach cancer it might be this in one location right or lung cancer or brain cancer but this supposedly from the cat scan and everything is all over in my body so they can't be this treat this spot or that spot no it's too much so there's no other way out i'm going to die okay so now i have an option however i want to die having the cancer do it or me jumping ahead and going hell no no i'm going to win this race or whatever battle uh war uh so chug this stuff down and uh you know it won't be horrible and uh you know so that's what i came up with the fact that her locker was across the hall for mine and she'd see me on like on monday when i come to school and if you get into street fights you're not going to win them all even if you win them uh you're going to get messed up a little and she would see me uh mess up face hands and uh yeah so she finally um one monday morning said you know what i've been thinking if you hang with me instead of those guys i think your life would be a whole lot better i don't even have to look any further in my whole life i found her so i got the tat with her name on it we shot tesla yeah i don't know if you could see it anymore um but uh yeah so i got that when i was 16 and uh 63 years later you know she said of all the pictures of kath she loves that the best of course that shows how happy she was about somebody did something and she's going isn't that great you know uh so she got that uh it was the worst thing that ever happened in my life uh the only preceded by my two daughters uh dying of breast cancer that was that was uh super hard you never ever supposed to lose your kids after 63 years of uh being married and then we knew each other four years before in other words met at 15 he got married at 19 okay so someone that you're that close to that you raised four kids with um uh yeah yeah i would sometimes wonder how in the hell i handled it that just killed me uh for um wanting to go on and then the day after she died this month this is our house neighbor right across the street looked out and saw a double rainbow and said kathleen send you a message well uh there's two options i'll let the cancer take me slowly and you know it'll be ugly and painful and definitely not any fun at all or be in charge and uh you know you know that's what i'm gonna do this is the date i'm gonna do this is the time i'm gonna do it and uh being charged for one last time and that's what i chose to do but no burgers sound damn good uh thank you uh so you repair of faucets and uh you do gardening work and you deliver beer and you also cook burgers huh damn you got a lot of talent yeah and a good haircut too jeez you know what i i guess you're at the top of the damn list kind of take that potion and uh yeah yeah so that's what's up yeah so uh i hate to tell you save no kidding you're better safe than i am oh thank you i was i was you know i was you know that i'm glad i run into you in a chance to tell you but uh yeah it's uh incurable and uh it just kind of exploded through my body they told me what's happening and uh so whenever i picked that date and uh that's that's what's uh adios you know you're killing me smalls yeah so anyway yeah um hate to tell you but uh but anyway okay mike you take care man and uh yeah how's your son doing he's doing good good he's doing really good thanks to people like you and you know boom so the suddenness is a hell of a shock the uh long dragged out like with uh cancer patients or something um you know what's gonna happen eventually but you have i guess time to say goodbye or whatever so i don't know which which is worse let's put it that way there is no better in this say oh this is a better way no man there ain't no better way this which is the worst way to die of course somebody's going to die and if it's somebody that you're that close to for that many years uh super tough the doctors told me that probably make it through july but forget august it's not going to happen you're going to be you're going to die and uh it'll probably be first part of august so whatever you plan to do sure as hell better you know plan and do it so that's what i've done and uh so uh you know there there will be time and i am saying goodbye i've called a lot of my friends as guys i was in the military with and i think i told you the other day i got seven phone calls one night from guys that i was in special forces with and uh yeah uh hey i heard man i'm sorry i wish i could be there i love you baby you know and uh yeah that was hard of course you know some of these guys were real bad asses and um to have spent time with them uh doing what we did and to have them crying on the phone talking to me of course that i'm gonna be checking out that was hard that was real real hard [Music] yeah there you go yeah this has been good man good ride good ride and it goes something like this the winds have welcomed you with softness the sun has blessed you with his warm hands you have flown so high and so well that god has joined you in your laughter and sent you gently back into the living arms of mother earth and the prayer is on your glass and the glasses for you to keep thank you so much [Music] well it's um an up party to counter balance friday's down party which is not really a party but down event let's put it that way yeah so within two days we're doing something fun ho ho ho ho you know and then friday it's like hey see y'all yeah we've had some yeah in the neighborhood you know god and you and kathleen have taught us a lot of stuff yeah you really have you know i mean and how you how you go about dealing with a lot of different things and yeah so it's very much appreciated it's just like we're like is this awake is this the pre-wake is this the pre-funeral you know we don't even know what to say about you know it's just very odd but i have a feeling in other cultures this is not so odd i think in our culture it might be really considered to be strange i think in other cultures it's probably not it's probably more acceptable i'm not thrilled to be here of course i'm not really called to be here but i think good for part of what i think is good for him he's going out exactly the way he wants to um it's it's a little controversial um but as i say i've seen people languish in bed for months with painful cancers and so i say if this is what you want if this is your way to go out i'm kind of all for it you said doug do you think you think we need to have a a party before friday because friday's going to be really bad and really down don't think we should have something that's really up and exciting and fun and it started out with just a few people and it kind of grew because somebody told somebody else and of course ralph told somebody else and they go oh yeah so that's why that's not why but it's how it grew because there's so many people that just have loved ralph all as for as long as he's been in santa rosa we were close before the heart attack because we were playing golf but after the heart attack i watched this man turn blue on the on the ground and i realized that life is really fragile and when we brought him back and watching him recover from his bypass surgery all the cancer surgeries that he's had he's had such a strong attitude about almost like i can go one more round i can get in the ring one more time and this time it's the last you know the last round of the last fight and he said i've done the best i can i've lived the best life i can i hope the people that are left can understand why i'm doing this and i love you guys red white [Music] you know and uh yeah i had a hard time when you all came here tonight i was thinking oh my god you know trying to meet greet and do the whole thing and it was self but uh thank god we you all hung in there and i appreciate it man kathleen would be proud of you yeah you know what it was a great party thank you for coming man i appreciate it and enjoy the papers now here's the deal uh you will probably get saturday's paper for maybe a month then you're on your own unfortunately i'm going to be on my own anyway uh i'll give you a call tomorrow the kids get down here okay thank you have a good night this is a hard one too what does today feel like um i mean people don't very few people are in your position when they know when they're gonna go right and that's tomorrow for you like what does today feel like well today uh well um i had an okay sleep last night i got up uh had coffee sat here at the table and i read the cards that was the first thing i did and i kept getting up to get a kleenex and finally i said you know what i brought the whole box to the table oh they're all they're great cars yeah i'm lucky a lot of people like me some i feel they even love me but um reading those oh my god oh no come on man has anything changed for you since we started talking like in the last two weeks like anything changed about your feelings about tomorrow or no no not at all no i was no once i commit my mind to some yeah i you know yeah tennessee to follow through i think it's that german mentality we must do it like this you know and i yeah no i i weighed the options and uh yeah hello yes yes carol how are you oh i'm holding up great which is scary uh you know what i'm saying why am i feeling this good you know but uh yeah no that's very true i am and uh it's working out uh uh good now i had this uh lunch with three of my good friends uh today and we had a little party last night for some other really good friends and uh yeah so uh no it's rolling along and then tomorrow is uh game time you know yeah it's weird uh to think that uh you're gonna do this yourself man you know uh yeah i can understand that people looking at me and going what the hell but see they're not living inside this body like i'll give you an example last night i went to bed around 10 30 or whatever rolled around for like an hour the pain wouldn't go away got up sat in the rocking chair till three o'clock this morning finally got tired went back to bed got up at six because i woke up again because of the pain so i drive myself through the day of course the lack of sleep in pain very unhappy waiting for friday you know what i'm saying yeah the pain will be gone yeah but you know what to go on if i knew that i had six more months of this dealing with this pain every day and every night no no i mean no and what is six months going to give me nothing but no sleep and pain is that fun you know not my mind or my world no so i have a choice of ending it which is drink this stuff party over and uh yeah these last nights have been mostly sleepless as i review memories and reluctantly approach this party how can a spirit is vividly alive has ralph's be still so my head knows that the cancer is inexorable and i know that your pain has gotten stronger it's lasted longer but the ralph we've seen in these last few weeks here's the ralph we've always known vital so alive and even his indomitable will cannot overcome the effects of the disease and ralph has looked at death and said i'm not afraid of death but i've been in charge of my whole life and i will be in charge of the way i die though ralph respects the rules of sports he's not above a little wheeling and dealing look with me here people if he can't get to the finish line in the way he wants on his own two feet then he can move the finish line a little bit closer and we talked a little bit about it yesterday that around 10 10 15 you know something like that uh take the first one which takes about an hour you know and hopefully that goes smoothly and then then take the second one that takes about half hour hope that goes smoothly and then the last one is i'll be in you say where do you want to be and i said yeah maybe just lay in bed said okay fine you know most people do no just smoothing with no hitches that's what i want to know like oh sh you know what no i don't want that smooth smooth the silk and out of here you

Channel: The PressDemocrat

Views: 818,754

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Id: esVf6MdJXhA

Length: 20min 48sec (1248 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 14 2021