Not Good - Scan Results - Stage 4 Lung Cancer

good morning everyone today is the day that I go to City of Hope to get my scan results to see how the cancer in me is doing and how my cancer my brain is so I'm going to be here hiding for the rest of the day let me know how it goes let me know how the results are and I'll see you guys later bye thanks for watching I'm just kidding as much as I want to hide from the world today I can't I have to go face it and I will go see my doctor he's a wonderful wonderful person so that'll make it better I just don't want I don't want to do today don't want to no last night I did some coping you guys ready to see I painted my nails I did it I did my nails like this like maybe a year ago and I loved it so much that I just decided to do it again when my nails are really short I want to Spruce them up in a fun way and they're so brittle from treatment I can't grow them long like I used to so this is my way to make them fun and exciting and don't worry I left a naked one so that it doesn't mess with my blood pressure or my pull socks so I have a naked nail and I have some cute nails that kept me distracted last night and make me smile when I look at them Kyle is folding laundry flower is cuddling said laundry because she likes the warmth and I am over here struggling to function getting anxious I Kyle just gave me anxiety medicine because I am so anxious I can't I can't do anything we got this we got this just don't want to go don't no don't want to go mom's watering plant she hasn't watered yeah I'm watering plants okay 10 years oh here's a plan I need to water this poor Plant hasn't been watered in a while so it just deserves some love I'm cleaning areas with the house that haven't been cleaned since we moved in yeah we're both oh yeah Winnie can I see your pretty hair and outfit wow this is a dress that was given to Winnie by my mom's friend they know a little girl named Lola who gave Winnie these outfits and Winnie loves them right Winnie yeah and flower loves Kira's new cat toy flowers that's your toy are you taking it is it a new toy special girl do you like it wow oh you guys hear that let's go show them we bought these training buttons I don't know if they're gonna work Dad we get a t-r-a-t yeah so I can show so flower oh flower you wanna walk she stepped on the walk okay Dad take her out [Music] flower walk all right flower now can you push flour flower watch can you push it can you step on it or push it with your nose okay Dad you want to touch the yucky treats rip it up in the tiny pieces so we yeah when you can do it so let me have the first piece I'm gonna show how I do it so the way I do it I don't know if there's like a real way to train tray this Winnie or flower so I do right to where she's kind of pushing it on her own good job nice Winnie and every time you do it you get you push the button so we just take one of our treats and rip it up into little pieces so we can do it multiple times so far she just accidentally steps on them and we you know try to do whatever do whatever she steps on on Exodus and she gets all excited she's she knows it's a good fun thing but she's still learning [Music] let me know if anyone has one of these and they'd use it with their pets because I think these are so fun if you haven't seen them before look up like dogs with talking buttons or cats with talking buttons I haven't seen the cat videos but I've heard cats use them too look them up and they're really fun to watch it's cute you guys when he added an accessory what are we think it was perfect with her little heart shapes on her skirt so cute and can you show us what you have in your bag yeah so what is in this bag is has been Winnie's new interest for the past couple of days and she has come up with a great collection she goes through Ellis's Hot Wheel collection and she picks out all the ones she likes and she's starting her own collection Minnie Mouse I showed the cupcake okay great collection when he you know you know who's gonna love to see your Hot Wheels collection pops he's gonna absolutely he's gonna absolutely absolutely love your Hot Wheels collection you know today we have to show you our results day fashion looks so here we go first up we have Winnie looking good hi when I'm done use it Daddy okay can I see a spin Winnie oh and what is your favorite part of your look Winnie your dress from Lola thanks Lola oh my gosh he's here guys he wore the shoes I liked oh why'd you wear the shoes I like because I love you and then look it's City of Hope Oh back up I need a little more hi okay Daddy will do me and now coming down our Runway is a beautiful model here she is rocking a beautiful scarf from a YouTube follower that beautiful smile that can go for miles a nice cardigan with a tank top because she's got to get her blood drawn and super supportive shoes are the reason I tripped super supportive shoes that Daddy recommended and the jeans look very beautiful thank you thank you and Ellis is already at school so we don't have a cute fashion show look from him sorry Ellis we love you hi Dad how are you good how are you thank you I need it look at Winnie today are those rainbow sunglasses they have rainbow hearts rainbow hearts rainbow hearts wow you're gonna love what you packed in her toy bag pops what is it her new interest her new interest is Hot Wheels oh cool I like that thanks Dad bye Winnie I love you mommy oh love you Dad all right we're here at City of Hope for the results how you feeling I am is it a box I am sorry we gotta return this broken jacket I am scared terrified tired because we stayed up late avoiding bedtime because if we went to bed then it meant we had to wake up and face today we were both so he was cleaning uh scrubbing the shower floors in front of cabinets yeah the wall yes and I was doing this beautiful and watching Firefly Lane if any of you watch Firefly Lane the newest and last episodes are up and oh boy it's close to home if anybody's in this close to home in this journey with us it's unfortunate that the show I picked to get away from cancer brings cancer into it but it's a circle it's okay I still watched it and I still loved it but yikes I am wearing my scarf made by a viewer I love it so much so on days when I go to City of Hope I always like to have a little bit of support with me so this scarf that was made for me is support to me like it shows me your support and so it's like I have part of my YouTube family with me so I know I'm not alone and then I have my little ladybug necklace from my cousin Tracy and ladybugs since I've been diagnosed have made me feel a lot of Hope whenever I see them I feel like they're a good sign so I love ladybugs I also have my ladybug bracelet from my sister very cute and I have this hope bracelet that I made for myself and I watched to check on my health Kyle got me this he says wear your watch put your watch on put your watch on so we can check your heart phrase heart rate so I feel all the love and support today with me thank you guys for all of these gifts they mean so much more than you know um I feel myself kind of shutting off pulling myself into like like a shell is it protective like I'm a hermit crab strategy pulling in and I'm just gonna go to my appointments and get through them I will do Labs then I will see my main oncology team and followed by my radiation oncologist he's the one who did brain radiation on my brain radiation on my chest so we'll see if he has some good info or this is a follow-up that was scheduled months ago and they asked to just put it on the same day as well it's good to have it today because we can go over the scans with him yep even though we'll go over it with my oncology team he pulls up the images and he's the brain guy so it's good to see him today yeah it's great great so if we need to go to scheduling for brain radiation we're right there right there perfect not a problem okay how are you feeling very nervous today but I really like I said last time I have a very strong feeling that it's just gonna be the same okay you know same or better just yep it's working well we're gonna go on to the next cycle that's how I feel okay all right let's go let's do it come on guys I just realized that I did not put lidocaine on my port that is supposed to numb it for the blood draw so I could either use my arm and just do it the old school way or I can do my port and just have no numbing cream on it she wants to use report because if you don't use it enough it'll it could like it could have issues you want to use it regularly and you use it so little now with the clinical trial that I think I'm just gonna use it without the numbing cream okay and it'll hurt a little bit but it'll be okay all right all right it'll hurt a little bit that's okay I am gonna be bold and film in a busy hallway because I don't care um I had to remember to tell you that yesterday we saw two rabbits after swim class so we felt like that was a really good a really good sign for the news we're gonna get today and then we went out to dinner with my sister as a nice family celebrating summer night and there was a giant cockroach on the floor at the restaurant and it was running towards me like directly towards me what a ew that's disgusting B why was it coming for me and C is that a bad sign for today's news we'll see guys I just have to have you guys sit with that the way I had to sit with it like do we go with the bunny go with the roach or there are neither anything to do with anything I don't know the bunny [Music] all right my makeshift tripod tripod is a little low we went to Starbucks because we have time to kill I did my blood work it takes a lot of waiting to get the results back so we stopped to Starbucks for my man to get this little iced latte tell them your favorite drink that you live by Vanilla soy latte and an iced is like 90 of the time is what I get even if it's a cold day see it the way you order it can I get a venti Ice Vanilla soy latte thank you so much that's his drink it used to be my drink but I don't like coffee anymore since cancer I don't know why and then I picked out you guys it's so weird don't judge me a baby food pouch that's not baby food I think it's baby food no it's like applesauce it's an organic fruit puree it just sounded good and then I picked this fruit and nut blend and Kyle picked I got a uh so your easiest path is right up here Kyle just had to help someone find Starbucks so now he's gonna show you what he got I'm an expert so I got a plain toasted Bagels nice and warm and then I got this avocado spread which is vegan and we're gonna dip it on there spread it on there [Music] prepare your bagel I don't whoa I don't really do a spread I do more of a dip I don't know what you prefer it sounds weird with avocado oh this is nice I've never gotten a bagel yeah actually turned me onto it um forget it that was good is it good I guess the spot when you're I don't think it's needed [Music] so good they're always soft perfect that's why I like them here [Music] dude do what you must don't get you had like a hiccup thing you know when you're eating your diaphragm expands and it hurts really bad with that oh another one happens oh it's not hiccups well [Music] all right let's try the baby food it's banana strawberry banana it's okay we'll try it I'm okay sure cute I was just in the mood for like applesauce and this is the closest thing to it yeah well I wish I could write for April at least I know I started a pain Journal someone in the comments recommended doing this I'm keeping track of all the things revolving around pain management so how many as needed pain medications I need in a day how many times I go to the bathroom in a day or week if I'm constipated all that stuff and then if I have any crazy pain that I want to know for my doctor so thank you for the suggestion on doing a pain management Journal I think it's a very helpful hey these are too cute to handle I had my regular oncology appointment and now I am in my radiation oncology appointment hopefully we'll be out soon then we have to go to the pharmacy and then we'll talk to you guys foreign sorry it hurt it hurts to cry I'm just so sad oh today sucked I think that's a fair statement yep it's not what we were hoping for I hope we don't sound dramatic it's not the worst news no but it's not good news so if you know if you've been following Jenny's Journey for a while there's this pesky fluid and it just will not go away and the last scan there's cancer in the fluid right the last scan yeah let me blow my nose really quick okay go ahead when we when we entered the last scan well I'll backtrack when we did our last set of chemo what got us to the point where they said no more was the plural Fusion kept growing and it had cancer cells in it that's the liquid uh around the lung or whatever and now this most recent scan showed that it it was mild to moderate the size of the fluid and now they're saying moderate to large so that's not good the feeling I got was that um they ordered a whole bunch of tests going forward so we have to do another PET scan we have to do another Blood liquid biopsy to find out if it's still the same gene gene mutation or if there's a new one and then she has to do another thoracentesis which is the draining of the fluid they're going to take that fluid and test it along with the Pet Scan to see what active cancer we've got going on every time we've drained fluid since there's been fluid there has been cancer in it so what our Hope was was that the pleural effusion would go away and it's not it's growing so that would tell us enough none of this has been confirmed our doctors are very let's take it one step at a time but to us it feels very similar to before where we're going to drain the fluid test it most likely there will be cancer cells and that would let us know that blue is no longer an option the clinical trial would be done and did it say new fluid around my heart yeah you've always had a little bit it's called the pericardial effusion it's always been tiny and that's grown nothing crazy he did say that nothing crazy but enough to concern them to where you know as another thing you now have to do an another Imaging of your heart so in the coming weeks we have to do a pet scan the Imaging of the heart the thoracentesis pet scan did I say that I don't know um we have a lot upcoming because of this most recent scan on a positive note the brain looked great it looked the same as it has been stable it still has the three new Illusions but they're not doing it they're not doing anything so we're happy with that not concerned nothing to do there saw the radiation on call just for the brain and it was very short and he said it looks fine we're just really concerned about the chest and the fluid like I always like to do everywhere else was clear in the CT all major organs um most of the air all lymph nodes everything was clear it's just the fluid and some weird random spots that they're not calling cancer they're calling more so inflammatory but that's not what they were concerned about they were mainly just concerned about the fluid that it's still growing but the vibe we got and the reason why we're so broken today is it got a we all got a feeling that blue is most likely done the clinical trial clinical trials it's most likely going to be dead I'm still on it still on it they have to keep me on it till we know but it it just had that feeling today with everybody that there's still options out there that was a word that was used a lot so that would tell me that they're assuming that it's probably done so it's really hard to hear that because as I was telling Jenny the clinical trial has been really nice as far as giving you some life as far as you know not being here every day hooked up to an IV not having chemo um and it was it was really hopeful that that would go a long time we all were and it seems like it's not um I guess the fluid could come back and say nothing cancer let's just say that then you might still be a candidate for it but it's never done it's never done that since we've scanned the fluid we've scanned it now twice and each time every time they go in there it's cancer so we're feeling a little defeated it's not the worst news in the world it definitely is not um everybody's still on board and um our team is taking it one step at a time we can't make any plans until scans are done pet scan's done thoracentesis is done testing of the blood is done so that's probably minimum of two weeks away when we have finally all the stuff in a box and we can figure out what to do this was my first time crying in my appointment I think um this was the most crying I usually hold it together yeah and I was just crying and crying because we talked about mental health and anxiety medicine yeah and so they were giving me new plans for that and I was just crying and I can't stop crying today the anxiety has been extra bad and you were saying maybe it was a sign that your body knew you've said it's been like particularly worse this weekend you know I've had to do skins skin anxiety many times and this is one of the worst ones and you said it the other day in one of the videos you said I feel changes going on so you were feeling the fluid building ah the flute is so annoying go away fluid go away did they talk about anything else you want to cover I don't remember no I don't think so they were if they did we'll remember yeah but they were all on board with your mental health they were you know just reassuring you to do whatever you need to do if it's medication if it's whatever it is so that was nice and um you know our our doctors are really good at saying we're not going to throw out any ideas right now because we don't have we don't have answers we don't have answers it wouldn't be fair so we do not have any idea what would be next we can only see what happens so we're not gonna guess we're just gonna take it today and tomorrow and go from there but I have a feeling we have a lot of appointments upcoming so it felt like all right let's go get the kids what do we tell them I don't know we'll think of something which is really hard having to put my three-year-old and seven-year-old through this I don't think they should have to go through this but they wouldn't trade you for the world but it is I hate having to tell them anything I think you do what your oncologist said and start with the brain news brain looks good chest maybe not the best start with good and we may get positive to the kids as positive as we can I'm home with the kids and I am trying to get myself together to talk with them about it I want it to seem a little more positive than what I'm feeling so I just need it get through this and cry after cry after they go to bed [Music] thank you thank you hello [Music] kids are in bed and we are here I asked Kyle to be my partner in crime for saying goodbye just in case we wanted to talk about anything else I was saying to my team that I was embarrassed that I need to be sedated for the brain MRIS and they were like so nice about it like please don't be embarrassed we want what's best for you will do anything to help you and that's what made me start crying because I felt so cared for and it made me feel good my NP said that the struggles I'm having are for a reason that I shouldn't feel bad or embarrassed that I'm having these struggles they're there for a reason it makes sense that I have these struggles and it was really nice to hear them say that and they're like why are you worried about anxiety medicine I said I'm afraid of disappointing you I just want to be like strong and you know get through it without needing more and more and more they were great today it was really really wonderful even though it was sad they're such nice people so I'm just so incredibly grateful to have my oncology team that I have and I know we are down in the dumps and crying over and over but we're not giving up this is just a bump in the road and we are really sad about it and we're allowed to be sad we're allowed to grieve that we had a not so good scan that it's ordering a pet scan a thoracentesis which last time put me in the ER with how bad the pain was so it's like it's valid for us to feel down and sad today and scared and we're gonna get better we'll snap out of it we always do I worry most about you because the kids don't really fully get it and it's all on you taking care of everyone I wouldn't have it any other way thank you I just worry about you no worry about you thank you I'm fine whatever it takes we'll do it keep going and I will too for you as their dad and as your husband no matter what today is a down day but it like you said it's we're not giving in we're not giving up there is Beauty in the day yeah we talked about you in the appointment my team notices that he's actually a great partner like I said it's noticeable when someone really cares about their partner and I was like you guys it's real it's true love true love is real hugging him and we're all laughing but it's true he's like an incredible partner they were saying like that I'm doing so well with the fluid and all of the circumstances of what my body's going through and I said it's because of him he accommodates and makes things easier for me at home so if Jen's going to be doing this why don't I lift this so it's easier for her to do tomorrow oh she needs this I'll bend and pick like Jen's gonna cook lunch I'll bend and pick up the pots because bending hurts her and then the pots are ready and she could just cook oh I know what she's cooking tomorrow I'll put those on the ingredients on the top shelf of the fridge so she can reach it easier like I'll buy her a hook so she doesn't have to bend he just does the most simple thoughtful things laughs he has the toilet paper restocked always the paper towels because otherwise I have to bend low to get them and bending low with fluid oh it's like cutting off your oxygen flower is just trying to get attention you guys know if you guys have been watching my channel for a while you guys know flower wants to be the star and as soon as the camera went on she's gone she'll be chill relaxing and the camera goes on and she starts get you off he's watching us okay how's it working if you do your training buttons we could film that all the time and people would love it if you could figure out your training buttons I have decided to take tomorrow off when we got home I asked Jen if she'd be okay with it and she said yeah normally she's very like no go and then I'm very usually like I'll go and we'll just do normal things tomorrow but I don't know I think we need it he said I want to take care of you if you want to hide under a rock I want you to be able to just want you to be able to do whatever you need to do tomorrow and I can take care of Winnie and you thank you and just take advantage of it because yeah today was hard and that's a big deal Kyle's staying home tomorrow because tomorrow is May the 4th which is Star Wars Day I think this is your first May the 4th where you're an actual actual Star Wars fan he just got into Star Wars this year so you're gonna miss your first May the 4th at school so he said we have to wear May the 4th stuff we all have at home I gave her I have to wear a Star Wars attire I gave you an outfit to wear already I might have an outfit in mine okay I have that dress too um I have a couple of dresses but it's supposed to rain tomorrow yeah so and then we can all go pick up Ellis at school in Our Star Wars attire we should do a special dinner since we never get off that early what does that mean like go get him at 2 40 whatever that is and then go he has a lot of homework oh yeah we're behind because of appointments we should come home do it because he said he wanted to watch a Star Wars movie tomorrow why why because it's me the fourth oh that's a good idea so I will stay home tomorrow what's the Star Wars meal we can make a Star Wars meal I don't know about that blue milk what is blue milk so in the movie it's never like talked about no but like what is it at Disneyland at Disneyland I think it's like coconut milk coconut milk and rice milk and then it's like a fruity flavor you know what I think it is that's what I think it is I think they take coconut milk and blue icy and mix them together maybe that's how it smells like to me yeah if anyone knows what the blue milk is made of let me know we should get it next time yeah way out thanks for loving us and supporting us we could not do this without you and I'm sorry I can't with the chewing we love you and we love you and appreciate you all so much sorry that this is a Down video we are not giving up we will forever keep fighting it's just a bummer that we are possibly lose losing another form of treatment so quickly there's only limited amounts of treatment options so if this one's down then more room for a new type of treatment to come out I told my best friend Melanie there's only so many treatments for my gene mutation or my cancer and she said and there's many more coming out per person like and there's people who make new ones yeah I don't remember her exact wording but it was something like that so true let's hope I'm around long enough for more treatments to come out and we find the one that works and one thing we've learned from our oncologist and my therapist is we can't start planning for weeks and months down the line we just have to take each day live in the moment whatever we have to do tomorrow we'll do tomorrow and then that's all we can worry about right now but we're living about two months ahead right now planning summer vacations that's fine to live ahead we got a lot of stuff we're looking forward to and it sounds like we're gonna have a busy summer both at City of Hope and remember we'll figure it out thank you for all of the support I'm so so grateful for all of you if you saw me crying on my phone or maybe I'll show it now I don't know I was crying on my phone I was responding to people's messages of support and also sharing their sadness and frustration with it because it's all of us on this journey who feel it it's not just me who's sad like you guys get let down too and for that I'm sorry I'm sorry to deliver bad news and I'm grateful that you guys are willing to carry it with me I don't have to carry it alone we don't have to carry it alone agreed okay I think this is way too long close it out on to the next video on to a new day I don't even know what that's gonna be they're gonna start calling me for those thoracentesis before tomorrow the Pet Scan we'll just a pet scan is laying flat guys that's probably why I want to stay home it's like 25 to 30 minutes hope they start calling them out because then I can take it thoracentesis is go into it saying it's going to be better it's gonna be the best because Thor sentence I've ever had tons of pain they're gonna give me pain meds before so that I don't have an excruciating experience so I'm gonna have a great thoracentesis that's right the best one yeah the best one yet and they're gonna pull the fluid out and say oh my gosh no cancer cells this is amazing let's stay on blue baby do you think that's a possibility sure I I don't know why then why is the fluid growing because it's not a possibility yeah I think it's cancer they were saying I'm I'm going to butcher this so just take it with a grain of salt they were saying that cancer tries to find ways to hide in your body tries to hide from the treatment and we'll say Pavements in your body yeah little safe havens and it seems like to our understanding not theirs they didn't say this but it seems like the fluid is a nice safety spot for the cancer to hide if that's what keeps the treatments are not that effective at getting the fluid um sneaky sneaky cam we had a good talk with the kids they're so mature and kind and sensitive still just a big one yeah they seemed okay we tried to make it as positive as we could it's a lot to take for for us as adults I can't imagine you know but they were extra playing playing well as siblings getting along with each other like for the whole evening so I think they could sense our energy something happened today uh let's just keep looking really good with each other play with each other really well so Mom and Dad don't have to worry about nothing it was nice it seemed like they were really good they were looking out which is sad but we're in this situation all right we're gonna go to bed because we are so tired maybe I'll edit I don't know he wants me to go to bed we'll see what I do I just want to get these results up because I know people are waiting and I don't want to keep people waiting so we'll see what I do I love you guys I appreciate you all so much you have no idea how much I appreciate you and the star is here and I will see you guys soon bye have a good day [Music]

Channel: The Apples

Views: 1,348,688

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Id: b1sUujlXjdQ

Length: 47min 39sec (2859 seconds)

Published: Fri May 05 2023