Racism Jokes - Bill Maher

and finally new rule if you find yourself preface ignore than half the things you say with I'm not a racist but you're probably a racism I mean this was the biggest I think landslide since the 30s I think they the Republicans picked up 63 seats wow I haven't seen Republicans so happy about taking seats since they made Rosa Parks stand up I cracked my head open like a walnut right and it would two minutes later I was in an ambulance going to UCLA and you know what that started two minutes later you were in an ambulance two and a half muster buddy must have been a white neighborhood when you went to dinner with Bill O'Reilly and Harlem it was he famously was surprised that people in a black restaurant we're not screaming could I have some more [ __ ] iced tea and also that no dog fighting broke out after dinner this tells you something a hundred million people tuned in to watch Knight age when Obama made his BP speech 32 million people tuned in which tells you that it's a lot harder for a black man to get ratings inside because he wants them to like him so badly conservatives stop worrying he can't be a Kenyan he's a golden retriever he's done everything he possibly could to appease you short of using bleep but the house Government Reform Committee that's the people in charge of they charge Eric Holder with contempt the official charge being Attorney General while black but consider this Perry claims the rock that bored the camp's name was painted over back in the mid 80s but others say it wasn't painted over and even if it was it was still visible until recently huh overtly racist [ __ ] suddenly painted over honestly could anyone have written a better metaphor for the modern Republican Party big news of course in the Republican ranks there is a new I said this every week but there is a new frontrunner Herman Cain Herman Cain the Republican establishment is freaking out because their token black guy is in the lead now if they never expected it's like an episode of Star Trek with the black guy beams down to the planet and lives I will put up a million dollars against one that he will not be the Republic a million to one Republicans are gonna have an election with two black guys against each other that they don't have a choice to vote for a white man in the general election we've been trying this year we've had two Republicans on most of the show most of the shows tonight we didn't do that I'm all day I'm we're trying I'm just saying look we got the rising star of the Democratic Party we got it it's it's it's stacked against you I'm just telling you I apologize at the beginning I'm always happy to be your new yata and then and then I'm gonna bring out a black scientist so it's really a tough night these Republicans they will not give credit you know they they talked about this yesterday they gave credit to the rebels and to the British and to the French would not mention the president it was like they were on a game show and the password was Obama they're like the banks they will not give a black man credit he was using this picture to look for women to cheat with on Craigslist and some of them it turned out were black transvestites yes he was that rare Republican who judged a woman not by the color of her skin but by the blackness of her penis let me put your unpopularity in context for you you're a Republican and you're pulling behind a black guy was it because he was so new I mean he had only been a senator for a short amount of time I mean even a lot of Democrats thought he was too green and a lot of Republicans thought he was too black where did you hear about Cory Booker frequent guest here on the show the mayor of Newark Cory Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building or as Fox News reported at black man Lutz house steals white water look Republicans I know this picture from Election Day 2008 scared you if these guys weren't trying to intimidate voters why did they show up at that polling place deliberately black yeah good point and now it's two years later and that picture still scares you look that guy who drove up from Orange County just ran out but it's time you understood something every black person scares you unless they look like L talk like Colin Powell and we're Bill Cosby sweaters you fill your adult diaper Republicans must quit pretending that their new voter ID laws have anything to do with stopping fraudulent voting and instead start passing laws where if poor black people want to vote they must first jump through an actual hoop well let me ask about the census because they released some numbers this week and I know the tea baggers for some reason yes the tea baggers they freaked out about the census even though it's right in the Constitution that they claim to cherish so much but it did prove them right about one thing the country is being overrun by Mexicans and which is only fair since we stole half of it from the Mexicans but this is kind of was the eye opener fifty million Hispanics in America now that's a six of the country the biggest minority bigger than by far african-americans right one in four kids and when the tea baggers talking about taking our country back this is really what they're talking about it's not about economics is it it's about this this was also by the way the week the Oscar nominations came out of course the difference between the State of the Union and the Oscars is that at the State of the Union there's a speaking role for a black guy are you pulling me for write this I'm only mentioning this because you know now they have ten nominations that was not one for a black person in actor actress Supporting Actor Supporting Actress writer director the closest they came to a dark-skinned nominee was the potato in Toy Story a lot of Republicans were disappointed in the Clint Eastwood not his speech they loved that they were disappointed he came into town and didn't shoot any Mexicans that's what they were but in neighboring Arizona they had a dust storm that was two miles high look at this it looks like something out of a movie 50 miles wide visibility in Arizona they said was so bad that police were hassling white people Arizona home of Sheriff Joe who thinks Obama's birth certificate is a fake but gives it as a space for mother and a space for father but none for owner look at that write to the president knighted States now Jan Brewer says she regrets the confrontation but these are the kind of problems that arise when you permit Negroes to read this is I swear to god this this is her quote today she said our yesterday she interviewed about this she said she felt a little bit threatened really on the tarmac in broad daylight but what was he gonna do Decker or buy the house next door I mean everybody got what they wanted this week liberals got a home run State of the Union from the can from the president United States and conservatives got Heidi Klum back from seal so but hope Hicks she admitted it Sunday she said she admitted she told white lies for Trump boy that's Trump for you even the lies have to be white of course Newt Gingrich any opportunity he's looking for to stick the knife into Mitt Romney he jumped on Romney's gift he said he does care about poor people he loves the very poor in fact under his plan poor black people would be the first ones he's sending up to the moon colony draining out there and also it's Friday the 13th remember if a black cat crosses your path it is bad luck except in Florida where you're allowed to shoot it the but he doesn't like black people is what I'm getting well from this guy I don't know why I feel like he doesn't I don't know what sin is I don't know what's in his head but what happened what did his voice is the word [ __ ] we heard that on tape and then he shot a black kid so I'm maybe I'm leaping to conclusions 7 billion dollars for states to go go out and increase their unemployment insurance recipients and other recipients of welfare so just gonna send you the check it doesn't kind of imply that Obama's walking through the ghetto handing out shoeboxes full of cash to his black friends it does the most devastating attack today this came from Rick Santorum I'm not making this up he told an audience in South Carolina that Mitt Romney was just a quote paler shade of what we have in the White House now and the guy in the back of the room stood up and said I thought that was the whole point all right we got a great show

Channel: Mostly Bill Maher Clips

Views: 328,942

Keywords: republicans, the republican party, african americans, black people, civil rights, joe arpaio, racist

Id: nMz6R5djTm0

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 19 2019