- When the tray come
around and it's communion, stop letting your fingers
touch all the crackers! (audience laughing) You moving them out the way, shuffling, trying to find a big
one, this ain't no meal! (audience laughing) This is a holy ritual! Now, you done got a handful of them! (audience laughing) You gon' go to hell, you
bleeder, you gon' go to hell. (audience laughing) Here's another thing, oh, I
got a list, oh, I got a list! Here's another thing, stop
jumping up, hollering out amen, if you ain't really been
listening to what the pastor say. Oh, this a big one right here, think I need to repeat that one. Stop jumping up, hollering out amen and you ain't been really listening to what the preacher's saying! The preacher done just
made an announcement, "Sister Joslyn just
passed away, last night." Amen! Sit your butt down, that
ain't an amen moment! (audience laughing) This one, this could be one of the most important ones to me. If reading. (audience laughing) Ain't fundamental to you. (audience laughing) If reading really ain't your
thing, especially out loud, that's a whole 'nother
reading, reading out loud, now. (audience laughing) Stop jumping up, volunteering
to do the announcements. (audience laughing) "Welcomes, welcomes, welcomes." (audience laughing) "Choir 'hersal!" (audience laughing) "Is on Wenstay!" (audience laughing) It's choir rehearsal
and Wenstay ain't a day, it's Wednesday! (audience laughing) Stop embarrassing your people. (audience laughing) This the last one and ima leave you alone 'cause I see I'm starting
to lose some of y'all. (audience laughing) 'Cause that's your momma
that keeps jumping up, doing them announcements. (audience laughing) I saw when you didn't laugh. (audience laughing) You know, going to church is supposed to be a happy experience, when you come through the
door, you wanna be greeted in a warm and friendly way,
so let this be my last one. If you got bad feet. (audience laughing) Come on, get off the usher board. Just come on, 'cause them
bad feet on that usher board, them two is not a good combination. You can't greet people at the door when yo feet is hurting! You see 'em walking in church, "Oh Lord!" You know how you pick your foot up and just set it back down, see
that bend, look at the bend, see, you don't wanna bend it. Where the camera at? Put it right there, put
it on my foot, the camera! (audience laughing) Camera man, don't play with me. (audience laughing) Put camera on my foot. Don't mess around making that flashback in front of these church
people, don't you, I said God ain't through
with me yet, don't try me. Look, right there. See, you wants to, when your
feet okay, you can bend it. That how you walk, you bend it. Ah, but when your feet
hurt, you just pick 'em up and set 'em back down. You don't want that cut cross! (screaming) Oh Jesus, Lord Jesus,
gracious God our father, Lord, Lord Jesus! Now you at the back door,
them talking about come here to praise the Lord, you praise the Lord! (audience laughing) "What you want?" "I was hoping we could
get a seat for three." "Mm, mm. (whistling) "Sister Mabley, is there three up there? "We need three. "Go on up there, see if there's three. "Lord Jesus." "Sister Mabley, shh!" "Oh, don't shush me! "I know you're preaching, "but you ain't the only one
in here doing the Lord's work. (audience laughing) "Mm, Mm! "Lord Jesus! (audience laughing) "I done got my heel caught in
this air conditioning vent! (audience laughing) "Help!" (audience laughing) I can't even finish that
joke, that's funny to me. (audience laughing) Oh Lord. (sighing)
