Psychiatric Interview: BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) | Dr. Jacob | Part 2 | Client Debrief

let's do our debrief how did you feel how did you how did it go for you it was much more it was it was more of like how a therapy session usually is you know what i mean so and that way i can kind of feel myself being a little bit more antagonistic because i had so much therapy and i didn't mean to be that way but um it was nice i liked it what'd you take from it i mean i guess i i guess i beat myself up i don't know i mean two out of three i mean we don't know we'll have to wait for the third one we'll see what two out of three psychiatrists say then charlotte beat herself up um yeah and that's what i mean yeah and maybe maybe i have a problem with alcohol but i already knew this but like i think like what i said out loud was like the first time i'd ever thought about it that way like i can't stand the idea of being around people like in a social situation and not having like something to like make me feel more comfortable so that says a lot i think i hadn't really thought about it that way and then maybe i avoid things which i need to work on you didn't it never occurred to you that you um i feel like i've actually been pretty proud of myself for not avoiding things so maybe that's avoidance too like yeah i know i mean i i mean i don't think other people understand how hard it is to like feel things you know maybe they do i don't know do you feel any like conflict yet with the drinking do you feel any sort of maybe i'd think about not doing it do you feel any of that yet you do definitely what do you think would have to happen that's been going on for years though i mean years so what do you think would have to tip it i mean not having to hang out with people what have you ever tried to hang out without drinking yeah i don't like it because you have to talk to them i don't i have to think and like feel for them and i just i mean it's not like i have to i just get so worried about like them i'm so worried about them and that they're having a good time and like am i like am i funny enough or am i like it's just like and then when i'm drinking it's like it's all okay you know what i mean like of course they're having a good time because i'm having a good time and like of course like i'm funny because i'm not even like i'm just funny right so like it's but um yeah i wish i didn't care about other how other people were feeling as much as i do but i guess i do well that could be like ultimately an asset that you care about how people feel because i mean i think if you don't care about how people feel you'll end up alone eventually do you know what i'm saying is that so bad yes it is but yeah well for some people it's not so great i mean i could i can lock myself up in my apartment and not leave and be completely okay with that but you know you have someone out like you know you have like your boyfriend do you if you had no one would you be okay with that though i would i was for the majority of my time in l.a so like and i didn't really want to meet my boyfriend and i was pretty adamant about that from the very beginning i was like you're not something i want in my life right now because it's like whenever there's an interpersonal relationship that's like that kind like it's very um destabilizing you know what i mean like my grades have like gone to [ __ ] you know what i mean like everything is like and i told him this yesterday i was like i told this a lot actually like my life is better when i don't have a boyfriend so like i mean i'm perfectly okay with not having a boyfriend and i prefer it actually huh okay you seem like you could like if you had if you had a good shrink yeah they could help you with this that's the thing it's like and i don't i think most people know this but getting a good therapist it's like it's it's a relationship it's like two different personalities and then you're like long-term relationship and like it's a pain in the ass to find it is and then you have to pay for the privilege of it as well so it's like it's not something that when i was getting back from nicaragua i found one lady and she seemed like she was but it just seemed like honestly i was it was like with a boyfriend or whatever i just like thought about like is this gonna work like what i mean i'm gonna have to get there and get back and like what if it doesn't work and then i waste my time and like it's just like all of those things were just there and i was like i've been through this so many times like do i want to go through it again with a complete stranger you know the boyfriend shall henceforth call him he's a therapist three times a week i mean i'm not i'm not saying it's not working but [Laughter] can i just put that out there i'm not saying it's not working but you know because if we can look at other people's behavior and recognize like what's not to say what's wrong but we can recognize like maladaptive behavior problems from our own like personal experience and then also probably from like years and years and years and years and years of therapy and i'm just like how has this not been addressed you know what i mean like how have you sat in a therap like in an office three times a week and not address something that i can point out in like two months you know what i mean so but yeah that's not that's about someone else's problems and not my problems and maybe that's avoidance that i just switched switch the fish baby i don't know i i bastardized this word once before like supportive therapy yeah where they just sort of they don't yeah it's not too much roughly yeah no no no it's just like you know yeah that's yeah so you don't know if yeah i don't know what that's preference no that's what it's going to be may not affect that's pretty much what i said that's probably doesn't affect that much change yeah so like if your your job as the seeker yeah is to find the person that's going to make you rightly uncomfortable right you know it takes work to find a good therapist yeah unfortunately they're not often they don't often come cheap and especially borderlands it's like they're just they just don't want to deal with us which is fine i mean i get it but like i mean but some do yeah but some do yeah that's true and then you have to find the right fit yeah i mean there's like you're looking for like a very it's like finding a husband it kind of is or but it actually kind of yeah exactly because that's so easy yeah and it works out so well all the time there's never anything that happens that could possibly be like i don't know a divorce or something never heard of that i sound like such a sarcastic [ __ ] i'm sorry do you think you would try to find therapy in la after this after this event oh maybe honestly yeah i mean i'm just kind of scared honestly if that if i'll be in therapy and like there's a lot of issues that that's okay real real like real talk i'm scared that if i go into therapy like i will destabilize myself and i will um i will end up getting mad and i don't want that i really don't want that like it's it's like a gift right now the fact that i can i can somehow not be angry most of the time and i'm really scared that if i get back into therapy and i have to talk about like my mom or like things that have happened in relationships that like i'll get mad and i really don't want that i really really don't want that maybe you'll find like a good therapist that can help you yeah and i agree i do that yeah you know maybe that's like a parameter you put to them yeah like i'm really afraid of this yeah and i did that with diane in the very beginning i was like we're not talking about my mom period and like a year later we were finally able to talk about her so like yeah i know it's true it's possible i just i feel like i'm i feel like things are so fragile that i just don't want to i don't want to shatter them you know so why did you go on this journey i mean i will say this like because i was i was talking to the boyfriend about it and i was like um before like it was really bad it was really really bad and he was like well this could be a good opportunity for you to be able to show like how much you've changed and how much you've grown and how much better you are which i thought i was until we've had this session and now i'm starting to think that i haven't gotten better i've just gotten better at avoiding things i do want like the stigma that's attached to bpd is brutal it's gruesome and i i know that most people 99.9 of the people that encounter me have no idea that i have it you know what i mean and i want people to know that it is like these people it's just people that you encounter every day and they're going through it and just because they have this idea of what mental illness is or this this concept of what bpd is like it's it's also it's also me you know what i mean and it's not it's like that it's that friendly sociable nice girl that like that's fun to talk to that's just like is afraid to get mad or has really bad hangovers yeah you

Channel: BorderlinerNotes

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Id: jMmN39uCbMY

Length: 8min 42sec (522 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 02 2021