It's time for us to catch up
on all the biggest stories that we missed
over the past two weeks, and to help us do that,
we're joined by the one and only
Roy Wood, Jr., everybody. (cheers and applause) -Roy...
-Hello. -There are so many major stories
going on right now. -Yeah, yeah. -There's Brexit that's in chaos,
-Mm-hmm. -there's the Taliban
negotiations, -Right. there are fires in
the Amazon rain forest. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Trevor, all
of that other shit's happening, but the only story
that matters right now is the Popeyes chicken sandwich. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I-I'm sorry, what? Yeah, Popeyes, out of the blue,
introduced a chicken sandwich. A surprise attack
on Chick-fil-A. It's like Pearl Harbor
but juicier. W-W-Wait. So your big story -is that a chicken place
-Mm-hmm. started selling chicken? But with bread, Trevor. There's bread.
See, I keep forgetting, you're not from America.
I got to explain this to you. See, Trevor, for decades, America's chicken restaurants have all abided by
certain rules. Chick-fil-A sells chicken
in a sandwich, Popeyes sells chicken in a box, and KFC mixes their shit
with Cheetos. And, yes,
that is a real sandwich, which is why you shouldn't let
the colonel smoke weed. Okay. Okay. I get it. Popeyes has a chicken sandwich. Let's turn to
the Amazon rain forest. No, Trevor,
it's not just any sandwich. The Popeyes' sandwich
was so delicious not even Popeyes
was prepared for it. If you were hoping
to sink your teeth into that hot new chicken
sandwich from Popeyes, you are out of luck. The crispy chicken sandwich
was so popular, it's now out of stock. There is a craze,
a full-on craze. Lines have been so long,
police had to be called to deal with
the traffic crunch, and some people in Florida have been waiting in line
over an hour. The burning question is,
have you really run out? When will they be back,
when can we get our hands on a new-a new batch of them? See? That's how big
this chicken sandwich is. This chicken sandwich is so big, CNN put the chicken full-screen and put the hurricane
down in the corner. (laughter and applause) That's right. Get that hurricane
out of the way. People looking at the hurricane. "I don't know, man,
forget that hurricane. When that sandwich
hitting my city?" And if Popeyes... And if Popeyes thinks
that they can launch the most delicious
chicken sandwich ever and then just run out of stock, well, then, they have
another thing coming. That viral chicken sandwich war
has gotten so crazy, a Tennessee man is suing Popeyes for selling out
of its new chicken sandwich. Craig Barr says he went
to several Popeyes locations, and none of them
had his chicken sandwich. He's now suing Popeyes
for $5,000 for false advertising and deceptive
business practices. Mm-mm! Mmm! (cheering and applause) That's right! America needs more heroes
like this man, fighting the legal battle
of our time. He's a modern-day Atticus Finch. The movie about him
will be called To Fry a Mockingbird. (laughter) And if you think... if you think
suing Popeyes is extreme, wait until you see
how some people are taking the law
into their own hands. The chicken sandwich war
is turning violent. This morning,
police are looking for a man who they say pulled a gun
on a group of Popeyes employees here in Southeast Houston
after the restaurant ran out of the popular
chicken sandwiches. When the manager told them
they were sold out, that's when they say
he pulled out a pistol, demanding a chicken sandwich. After the manager repeated
they were out, police say the group took off
in a blue SUV. Fortunately, no one was hurt. Uh, uh-uh. Actually... actually, news lady,
someone was hurt: that poor man who asked
for a chicken sandwich and didn't get jack.
He was hurt! Whoa, whoa, you're defending
the guy with the gun? Yes, Trevor,
the good guy with the gun. Roy, how...
This is the craziest thing ever. How do you even run out
of a chicken sandwich? It's a chicken place. They have all the ingredients,
right? Can't the manager just throw,
like, a drumstick between some biscuits? (laughter) That's the most ignorant thing
I've ever heard you say. Look, we don't... we don't have
to agree with his methods, but there's an African proverb,
Trevor. You can't make
a chicken sandwich without breaking a few eggs. That's not African.
That's not a thing. People are angry,
so they're rising up. This is about fighting
for equal sandwich access for all of us. Because you know
who had zero problem getting Popeyes'
chicken sandwich? The elite, Trevor. This entire time,
the one percent has been getting their pristine,
uncalloused hands on sandwiches that belong in the mouths
of the working class. Look at your friend Gayle King. She got a sandwich, then posted a picture
just giggling. (giggles mockingly) Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel
got a sandwich, too. Love Jimmy Kimmel.
Met him a couple times. But did Jimmy Kimmel
eat the sandwich? No. He gave it
to his two-year-old son! Two-year-olds don't even have
taste buds yet. The child's whole life
has been milk and applesauce. You don't hit a two-year-old
with the Popeyes, baby. That child's mouth ain't ready
for the Popeyes. But at least Jimmy and Gayle
had the decency to find the sandwich. Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union
got theirs in the mail. Popeyes sent them
a case of chicken! (audience groaning) That's how they live, Trevor. And they even had the audacity
to post videos chewing in our goddamn faces. (laughter) Tired of it. Tired of the top one percent
having 99% of the sandwiches. We need a candidate
who will fight for everyone to have a sandwich. We need
a sandwich Bernie Sanders. A Bernie Sandwich. And that, Trevor, is why
I'm announcing my candidacy for the president
of the United States of America. -When I'm elected...
-(cheering and applause) When I'm elected,
I might not fix schools. I don't know anything
about health care. But I can promise all Americans that you will get
a chicken sandwich! God bless you, God bless
the United States of America and God bless
chicken sandwiches! I will see you at the debates. Roy Wood Jr., everyone.
