Polygamous TV vs. Reality

I'm not going to bash on the name of the show escaping polygamy I had to escape polygamy emotionally right that was the hard thing for me emotionally it was very very very very very tough and these in these shows I think a famous phrase is here they come look out here they come and I could have used something like that when I left but it was when I drove by my house to get some of my things you you would see some of my family walking towards me and if there had been a camera on them and said oh here they come it could have looked like that something bad was about to happen but what they were actually doing is they were coming out to say hey what's going on right what's what's happening and then I explained to them what was happening and everyone was sad and and uh we went our separate [Music] ways welcome back everyone my name is Sam and I'm Melissa I grew up in the flds community it is a polygamous group run by Warren Jeffs and I moved out when I was 18 years old I was raised LDS Sam and I have been married for 9 years and have two adorable especially on Halloween kiddos we do yes we do like my intro I caught him all off guard now he doesn't even know what he's supposed to say next where to go from here I don't know we are going to be talking today we've been doing a lot about some of the reactions and that to different TV series and other people have asked us to react to other TV series that we haven't seen yet and we thought we would take some time and talk about reality TV about polygamy versus what it was actually like what polygamy at least in my experience and what I've heard other people talk about how those two compare and if you want to hear our voices and want to just listen to us don't forget to go and find our podcast on everywhere podcasts are available yes and don't forget to like And subscribe thankk you all we get the question all the time about the differences a lot of times when people find out that that Sam has left the fds they're like do you have a crazy story like escaping polygamy or what was it similar to Sister Wives and all this comparison and when it comes to reality TV at least in the shows that we've watched well I guess there's really like three different kinds of TV or anything that we see about polygamy there's reality TV that follow around polygamists like Rockland Ranch even though it was a little more documentary but still like follow them around show what their life's like Sister Wives there's dramatized like big love right where it's just a show and then you have documentaries right and the thing about documentaries I guess we'll start with that one is that while they're sharing people's story it's all in the past and normally they're only going to pick documentaries from people that were interesting and did have lots of hardship and that had horrible things happen because they're trying to expose something right expose something or show a lot of excitement or something that will will bring a lot of attention and you know so something that's more either way off in left field crazy or just something that is like you said exposing something that's uh not normal and the documentaries we've seen when I say like okay they're exposing things I don't mean that they're um not telling the truth they have been telling the truth and I think there's a lot of really good documentaries on the flds and polygamists in general and they definitely are telling the truth but or I shouldn't say definitely for the most part it seems like they're telling the truth and they're just trying to expose what's going on within it but again you have to remember that they're going to use the examples of the people who weren't just the everyday flds follower living their life they're going to be talking about the people that were abused the people that were hurt the worst things that happened things like that right so for the most part though I feel like the documentaries been pretty spot on and exposing stuff that even Sam didn't know sometimes right well and that's the thing too is well a couple of things here there are is always going to be experiences that people experience within every group that other people within that group do not experience everyone has their own life everyone is going to experience things a little bit differently and I do know that there were a lot of people that dealt with a lot of trauma a lot of abuse a lot of hardship within the flds community for example and we could say this about every group out there religious group or otherwise and but it it comes down a lot to that specific family and the immediate people around that family that were causing that now within the flds there was definitely a lot of leadership issues as well that I will admit right off the bat but a lot of the leadership issues also would be more towards specific people that had to deal with it right like there it it almost seemed like there was the unfortunate stuff like we didn't we weren't allowed to have fun when Warren Jeff took over so that was something that all of the right all of the community had to deal with because the leader said this is the way it's going to be every family would try to create a life for their specific family the best they could so okay you cannot have fun right my family we still tried to be able to enjoy life the best we could even without the word fun of allowed in the household you know and so things were strict and crazy but I feel like we did the best we could including my parents to create a good life for us even under that circumstance now I know that other families took it to the extreme and were just sorry to say but awful to their kids and with the way that they were treating them under that direction that okay no more fun you're not allowed to have anything enjoyable they took it to the extreme that BAS basically meant you are to have a miserable Li miserable life from here on out and unfortunately that did happen well and even within the leadership when you're mentioning the leadership there were things that we've watched on documentaries now Sam lived out there he lived this the first 18 years of his life he lived through Warren Jeff's being a prophet and an active leader out there when he wasn't even behind bars right and there was documentaries we were watching where Sam is learning things for the first time so if that gives you any idea that not every single person in that community Community knew what was going on with Warren again that's why the documentaries are more about like revealing unknown things and even people within the community had no idea a lot of the stuff that was going on and that's why like I said it's like you said it's like very particular to certain families who was in the no who wasn't in the no and whether or not being in the no made your life worse or better most I mean in the fds a lot of times it made it worse and harder I would like to expand on what I said though there were certain families that Warren Jeffs said this Dad is no longer allowed he put that family in a situation that there was no way to make it good right so there were those families I I talk about how as us as a family we tried to live the best we could and even under the circumstance but there were certain times where he just took that option away from them completely like yeah you know and that's very very unfortunate and very very very sad for that family so I did I do want to point out I am very much where and my heart goes out to every family that had their parents some in some cases both parents ripped away from them yeah super sad so documentaries I think overall are like a good glimpse into what's going on as long as you're keeping in mind the fact that a lot of times you are going to see the worst right you're going to see the worst of the community in documentaries the next one is things like escaping polygamy which are kind of reality TV but obviously in order to coordinate everything and we've talked to Amanda Ray about this and she's like obviously there's coordination the editing in those is meant to make everything look like a very intense escape and Amanda Ray said you know there were some times where it maybe was more intense and then there's other times where the show is going to make it look so much more crazy than what it actually is and there's like extra dramatization to that to try to sensationalize the idea of like they have to escape okay Sam didn't have to escape his brother didn't have to escape he just literally like called us and said hey can I come out with my secret girlfriend that I'm not allowed to have cuz we want to get married and we want to have a family and we love each other like absolutely come on down and they came and they drove their own car to our house and they stayed with us we helped them get married like there are situations like that where it's it's not always an escape you have something like Belle where she did have to literally Escape so it's all of those but remember that to have like an escaping polygamy show those people had to be in contact with the right people then there's a film crew there's a lot to stuff like that so I'd say that while that's real the dramatization of how hard it was to escape the producers have a lot of leniency they can they can decide how intense it's going to feel and especially with the music sometimes like Sam will look at each other and be like if there was no music right now I wouldn't be crying I would that's me I'm always crying but like but like I don't think I would feel like scared for their safety right a lot of so I I don't I'm not going to bash on the name of the show escaping polygamy oh no sorry I had I had to escape polygamy emotionally right that was the hard thing for me emotionally it was very very very very very tough in these in these shows I think a famous phrase is here they come look out here they come that's that's a famous we even we even heard that recently in Sister Wives oh here they come when they're trying to close their trailer door and they're making it seem like the police are after them to track them down and take them all into custody right and in other shows too that you'll hear that you know here they come and I could have used something like that when I left but it was when I drove by my house to get some of my things and then you you would see some of my family walking towards me and if there had been a camera on them and said oh here they come it could have looked like that something bad was about to happen but what they were actually doing is they were coming out to say hey what's going on right what's what's happening and then I explained to them what was happening and everyone was sad and and uh we went our separate ways so my point is if if you're filming a certain aspect of it you can make it seem and I'm not saying that anyone Melissa mentioned Belle there definitely were specific cases where people did have to physically Escape as well but I would say I would dare say that's way more rare way more rare than those that are escaping emotionally yeah um maybe a better title I we can't judge all their stories and I'm just using escaping polygamy as a common one that a lot of people have seen and asked us to react to um helping people leave that is very real going out with a truck and needing to help people pack up their stuff and leave very very real it's just whether or not they're actually having to physically Escape so I guess that's a better way to put it right yeah and something with uh what's the next category the next category I would consider is stuff like Sister Sister Wives well I mean that's still in the reality but I think like escaping polygamy they can more frame it very easily something like Sister Wives was meant to be more of like we're going to just follow you around and get the sense of what it's like to live in polygamy and you don't get a whole lot of those that can end up yeah there's just not a whole lot of those one because most people that are living polygamy are hiding in some way or nervous about the law or repercussions for that so so I mean Sister Wives is that's probably why it's so big is because it is like the only family who's willing to do more than a documentary right that was willing to actually have people follow them around so i' consider that reality TV right um that was definitely more of an Insight especially earlier on you know as things progressed and you're like okay all the drama and all of that that may or may not be because of the cameras following them around all of a sudden they can hear every conversation that their husband's having with the other wives mm I don't know how that wouldn't cause drama so I guess that's not the third the third category would be like big love like where it's an actually madeup story just an entertainment well I guess Sister Wives is in a way entertainment as well but but different but different because it's actually someone's livelihood on the line so I would say that everyone in both the Sister Wives category and the Big Love category either one of those everybody has their preconceived notions on what they feel about certain things what they expect to see in polygamy for example or in specific religions and polygamy and religion goes hand inand because most of the people that practice polygamy do it because of a religious belief that it's something they need to do so I think everyone kind of and probably a lot of you watching today when you hear polygamy you probably have your preconceived notions on okay this is kind of what I would expect to see in a polygamous show or see in a polygamous family and I think that directors have that same idea and so they have something in their mind that they're wanting to show to the world regardless of what the family is actually going to show dayto day they have the thing that they want to show to the world in their mind yeah would that be safe to say oh yeah and so you got the director and then you have the editors and the camera crew all working around with that director to make that happen right so it's hard hard to say and you also will see with like reality tv as well months and months and months in between One Clip and the next clip okay how much of stuff is going on that we're not seeing that they're just cut cut cut cut because you know they want to show a specific aspect well yeah and they're not filming 24/7 right so the mundane normal everyday life of Living polygamy in the middle until there is some type of drama or something or a conversation they want two people to have that's just ignored but that's really what growing up in polygamy is like it's not every day or for all of us I mean just people in general right if someone followed you with a camera all day every day most of life is the same types of things you're feeding your kids lunch and dinner and taking them to school and taking them home and taking them to you know and then if someone was to hop in on any person's life okay they're going to wait and save for the juicy stuff when there is drama when there's certain conversations they want to make sure that's filmed and so yep in the end people film shows or TV whatever so that people will watch it so they're going to try to get the things that will get grab someone's attention and keep them there because filming I don't know 24 kids walking around a house sitting up and down eating food you know things like that it's not going to be that abnormal other than the fact that there's just a lot of kids so it's definitely and another thing that I often wonder is how many of the conversations are they having because they actually wanted to have that conversation or did the producers of the show say hey you guys should probably talk about this you know how much of that is in a way staged as well you know how much less drama would there be in this family if they weren't being forced to have certain conversations because I'll say in my family four moms lots of kids all the time it was definitely hectic at times I'll admit that but it was was not the drama that you see in some of these shows at least not that I personally saw yeah I feel like too in that FS like you guys are too busy for that like there's too much busyness to regular life just having that many children feeding taking care of working providing those type of things they were so busy in just normal life that I sometimes wonder too when it comes to like reality TV shows when being on reality TV becomes your job then that busyness of like your normal everyday life is being cut down a little bit right and the being on TV being the reality star and I don't know this for a fact I'm not like saying like oh I I know how much they were working or aren't working nothing like that just a theory like how much one reality TV becomes your job and your life and your livelihood yeah are you more willing to like play into that because that's what's paying for your life where most people and most polygamous families are just doing things most things the same as everybody else you know try to provide for your kids providing for your family working School yep even if it looks different it's yes exactly all that being said everybody's life definitely has some excitement to it in one way or another so I'm not saying that there isn't a lot of drama in just a normal life and a lot of things that different walks of life different religions different beliefs are definitely intriguing to me as well just because everyone has such a different View take on life so it's kind of cool to see you know some of these shows where it's just so interesting that people uh have such a different perspective living in the same neighborhood sometimes as someone else right so uh that's very interesting and I feel like that some of the belief systems when they sit down and talk about their personal beliefs and why they believe certain things and why they do what they do I find that very intriguing some of the yelling back and forth at each other and certain conversations I think staged but overall the the belief behind why they do what they do is very very intriguing in my opinion yeah so I mean I guess ultimately the reason we wanted to film this video is we were just like people ask us again going back to the original question of like how real is it compared to when you grew up yeah and the answer kind of is that everybody's different everybody's the same as if you went and put a camera in every person's house it's a lot different MH but these shows definitely have opportunities to dramatize and to make things look harder or worse or scarier or more dangerous I will say since Sister Wives is the show that we're currently reacting to the first Seasons I would we would watch some of those the beginning Seasons the season one season two and we would think or I would often times say oh my gosh that was just like the way IA was raised when there would be four big vehicles pulling up and kids popping out from every direction and all running up to start playing with their uh related relatives their cousins or whatever on these big farms and things like that that was something that I was very familiar with everyone pitching in to paint a house really quick everyone jumping on fourwheeler four four-wheelers or horses or things like that that was definitely Mo there were moments there where I thought wow this looks so familiar so there's a lot lot of things to the shows that are I would say very very common things you would see in other polygamist families and then you get down the road to season 18 of Sister Wives and I'm just like I don't I don't even know what I'm watching anymore so I think sometimes the familiarity that's a word um some of the things that feel familiar is things that I think anybody who had a really large family would probably relate to right and there's always things to relate to one another and Sam and I say that all the time that it's fun to compare and contrast people I mean even Sister Wives there's things I can compare to Growing Up in Utah because they're from Utah right like it's always fun to compare and contrast and hopefully create like a little bit of compassion for other people when you look and say oh I know what that's like or we are always so grateful for you guys when you like comment and say oh I grew up where I always had to wear skirts or I had to do this or this or this and there's always so many more similarities than differences like Sam might have had four moms but being in a big family a lot of the things that he experienced in a big family could also be experienced in a different religion in a huge family different aspects to it yeah different aspects to it right and I feel like it's our like similarities that make it almost just as fun to watch reality TV or documentaries it's fun to see our similarities and it's fun to see our differences but it's it's it's crazy how common so many different beliefs are even though it's a completely different religion and sometimes you would think they would have nothing in common but but we hear a lot of messages and emails and comments about people that lived sometimes in a completely different country on the other side of the world and they are experiencing some of the exact same things that I experienced or that other people we've had on our show have experienced and it's just so cool to see the similarities in humans throughout the whole world right even people that speak different languages different cultures it's just a lot of similarities as well yeah but if you want to hear more about what it was like for Sam to grow up in polygamy some of the similarities and differences as we continue to compare and contrast with flds the LDS and other groups polygamist or non-polygamist then please like And subscribe and stay tuned for more videos thank you all so much we look forward to talking to you soon talk to you [Music] soon

Channel: Growing Up in Polygamy

Views: 22,473

Keywords: polygamy, polygamist, flds, lds, mormon, sister wives, growing up in polygamy, escaping polygamy, warren jeffs, hildale, colorado city

Id: WAzWtNyP8uI

Length: 21min 56sec (1316 seconds)

Published: Wed Nov 01 2023