Poker Night 2 - Funny Conversations

I assume that everyone has brought the records of $20,000 buy-in for tonight's tournament didn't the buy-in used to be $10,000 it was but the owner theorized that upping the stakes would bring in a bit of class of competitors okay that explains how you snagged a bunch of multi media mega stars like yours truly but what about captain lame-o over there it's only a theory weirdest dream last night it involved Charles Manson Rita Moreno but it wasn't the weirdest dream I know something you don't know not about this hand just generally the player has been eliminated due to lack of funds and intelligence I like the cut of these cards Jim okay max just fell in love with this Jason Alexander impersonation one day and a kind of stuck considering the alternatives and I kind of dodged a bullet there and hey what is the deal with antipasto does it blow up when it touches regular pasta I mean come on I probably would have raised in your situation but I probably also would have jumped off a building so perhaps I'm not the best source of business excuse me for a second [Music] hey buddy maybe we could do it again sometime Brown the high stakes excitement a splendid and just in time for a momentous announcement as well you finally replace the urinal cakes yes and we've renewed our liquor license all right libations may be purchased with the inventory tokens you've acquired the wound of the inventory will not be held responsible for the deleterious effects that alcoholic spirits may have on your game play della what and with that disclaimer out of the may order with the tournament you know I'm starting to get a little angry at these crummy cards and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry I don't like you grandpa because the dub is the only music that survives the great digital event horizon of 2033 great another reason to die young the tournament is being controlled by aliens I know attention to that aah a rare GLaDOS personality core of fittings oh gee indeed no it's really not congratulations you'll stop listening to your frontal lobe and are going with your gut where all the feces are I gotta admit there's nothing like an obnoxious violence-prone chatterbox at your sign to draw away enemy fire my headset inviting target max fold is it true that dr. venture was in a video game back in the 70s yeah back in the cartoon days someone thought it'd be a good idea to turn Rusty's adventures into a video made that et game look like hey what about you big guy you ever star in a video game not intentionally a comment that cryptic usually comes with a story a few years back some punk snuck my image into a Mortal Kombat knockoff it's one of those unlockable Easter Egg deals Mortal Kombat knockoff - - blondie blondie sound file sounds like it had a promising side career there Brock what happened the company went bankrupt with extreme prejudice you know I kind of thought your partner would be playing today max used to be a tournament regular but he's thought with the psychologists call crippling impulse control issues couldn't keep a lid on his gambling not miss lightest but that didn't matter cuz he kept winning but what's the problem well the inventory banned him because well max kept eating the poker chips there you are what's this emotion I'm feeling it's like I wish I had those cards but I also hate you for having it that's MDU emotionally-stunted wrong boys did you know that there are jellyfish that can live forever oh yeah wants to be an immortal jellyfish I guess that would be pretty dull direct drip drip to sting drift drift drift sting you know as long as I get fresh batteries every couple hundred years I'm pretty sure that I've effectively immortal that's really depressing I wouldn't worry about it the way you're going I'm pretty sure someone will put you out of your misery long before the ennui of immortality kicks in promise trust me I'll pull the trigger myself that's what it says on my library card the same click on the nightmare king in the immortal hockey mask killer and fought back the Degrassi invasion of 2016 the what now invasion Oh [Music] quick word of advice start stocking up on shotgun shells it can't beat also nose plugs cuz BAM knows Degrassi slice steak hey I don't want to seem unfriendly but I just met you [ __ ] so why do you seem to know everything about me games action figures the director's cut rocks MECs has all your action figures even the ultra-rare naked ass variant oh wait a minute someone's merchandising me why haven't I seen any of this maybe you should see a lawyer pronto well of course you won with those cards even Steve could have won with those cards no he can say yes hey oh god Steve people say I'm annoying nice hand almost as nice as this one hey Sam is that your tricked-out 1962 adventurer in the parking lot it better be I'd hate to think we've been driving around in someone else's car for the past 25 years why do you ask I think it growled at me yeah it's done that ever since that adventure we had an H E double hockey sticks maybe you should see an exorcist that's what I keep telling max but then he just spins his head at me and vomits hey no math Rach I just had that cleaned you better not be cheating with some sort of x-ray attachment there are two why would I need to change my cybernetic processes are more than capable of whipping your primitive ate brains hey I'm a dog brain besides x-ray lenses are so 20th century all the cool robots are using quads a prediction fields these days but not yeah right Yeah right that sounded like the shutdown of a quantum predictor field this regulator which I need for my diabetes then I have I kind of thought that see one of those walking dad guys at the table tonight oh you know how it is with videogame characters give them a little bit of Fame and it all goes to their heads tell me about it even secondary characters alike that goofball Larry wanted script approval what a jerk Max and I have been around for 25 years and even we don't get script approval what about the zombies they're not so good with the repartee well there was talk about overdubbing them but that got us in trouble with the zombie unions are you gonna watch out for those guys they'll eat you alive it really kicks me off what's up Jack boy tries to blow my circuitry with some lame-o study saw on a Star Trek rerun what like everything I say is a lie they think he'll just lock up because of some teeny-tiny logical paradox rather insulting I learned how to avoid paradox traps while I was still in beta so what if everything Sam says is a lie that doesn't mean that he's lying about that right cuz Danny be telling the truth and well that was a shining moment in the history of robotic I'm Brock Samson has been eliminated you know my mom warned me against playing poker with dogs robots cripples and mutes guess I should have listened to her hey max what do you think I should do how would I get really feel before she runs away with bling about the hand chucklehead Oh jack Hey I just had a great idea when this is over the farmers should like grab a beer and armor off maybe take a flavour to Pandora like totally going some messes together I don't know I'm kind of a loner yeah I've got a thing place later come on it'll be great with my brave and your collective capacity for mindless destruction we'll find the fault in no time okay but only if I can bring max he really puts the m and man in evisceration of course the more minions the merrier ash six hours six or seven hours tops of course Dan doin hours are eight times as long as our towers Bob head what nothing Brock you know this whole thing falls apart without a tank what's the help I haven't been to another planet in weeks right Steve and I will be waiting outside after the tournament with your release forms your level one gear and your inoculation shots I got a bad feeling about this yeah I auditioned for the role of Big B but they said I wasn't wolfy enough they also said you should lose a few pounds I've gotta stay well with you being an Irish Wolfhound I'm an Irish Wolfhound Ethan begorrah I gotta ask what's it like living on another planet it's great if you ignore the constant firefights random explosions and the fact that every freaking animal the plant is trying to eat you Pandora's like a little ball of heaven yeah about that I always heard that bandura was some sort of lush jungle paradise yeah me too what happened did you guys run out of the what it was it can't get it um no I think it was called McGuffy night [Music] ha very funny what my Pandora was first guy alright alright jeez one question though what what's James Cameron really like you look at all that cheddar hey GLaDOS can i rewrite yes although it's generally considered to be bad form I don't know we're not really first-person shooter material a little guy might be a wee bit overpowered though it might have some nerve from a few degrees Oh Sam think of all the ham dinners we could buy with that I'm thinking now after this is over we should blow this joint find some real action at the conclusion of tonight's activities the player will be escorted home by the inventory security service oh sure cuz I know this joint on the coast where they play Russian roulette with confiscated ray guns the owner would frown on disintegrating the place come on they're set on stun Brock Samson has been eliminated wow really didn't see this coming I did but I didn't want to ruin the surprise surprise Sam you got another dog question don't you seriously can you blame me who does a guy get a chance to chat up the talking dog it's a unicorn fine three questions but nothing about my privates or floor scooting okay okay one can you eat chocolate - do you date humans or other talking dogs and three can you sits earthquakes before they happen one yes but I shouldn't because it goes straight to my hips - don't tell anyone but I'm kind of off the market right now and three dogs don't detect quakes but sometimes we cause them ash Williams has been eliminated Clegg - oh no max it's Klaatu Barada nikto got it Klaatu Barada tipped oh crap [Music] you know I should really get my hearing checked cuckoo banana pismo max no rock Sampson has been eliminated from the tournament and possibly this plane of existence Keanu Barbra Nimoy hold on Brock I'll get some wipeouts flytrap has been eliminated and will be textual eyes textual eyes you know that book needed more comic relief I think I've learned a very important lesson tonight wheat bread is not an effective coagulant it's cute when you Jam words together like you know what they mean you know you should really think about trading in that primitive boomstick for one of the doors boom sticks for sale over there I think I'll stick with my classic s smart model thanks but the corn bran booms ticking shoot six rockets at what it does anywhere from three hundred ten to one thousand two hundred fifty eight points of damage it can be fitted with elemental accessories and can it do this without shooting these off then I'll pass the next time you play you might want to have better cards you know most of the poker games I'm invited to turn out to be elaborate dentures you worry too much bran Max and I have been coming here for years without even a hint of a death trap unless you count the killer mini tacos no no it's just weird is in the eye of the beholder would you like me to reprogram your optic nerves to be less paranoid you see what I'm talking about that's just weird what are you staring at and livered the hand that's one of those spiffy danis jobbies isn't it a flying bar buddy I'll have you know that this beauty was built by Lord Arthur's personal blacksmith back in the 14th century you know most people would blame that story ludicrous but that's not even the silliest thing I've heard since lunch wait'll I tell you about the mini ashes if you wake up suddenly in the middle of the night look outside for an unmarked white van there's probably been a shift change firetrap has run out of chips and will be removed from the table by his best friend Steve go ahead old friend do what you gotta do [Music] oh geez Steve don't be such a drama bandit ash has been eliminated or at least he's about to be you know you could have just asked me to leave [Music] what's so funny I just realized that you're a dog playing fine you played poker I don't get it max have loved these last few hands but then again max also loves poking himself in the eye with a stick hey Sam I think I did have you been merchandised yes claptrap divided merchandise my images plastered off so much crap that even I'm getting sick of it coffee mugs t-shirts tennis hiking clothes and that's not even counting the 43 different action figures action figures oh yeah yeah well not for me of course it's for my friend max don't go dragging me into your arrested adolescence all in poor children the player wins the hand if I had a hand like that had to look really weird on the end of my dog arm I must not fear fears the mind killer fear is the little death that brings total obliteration this is gonna hurt you more than it does me but that's kinda true about those things you know Bronk you remind me of someone I get that a lot so Wow sell the giant talking cockroach hell of a guy so you would have liked him but he gave his life to save the city from my partner super ego super-ego right no really Max's super ego had a colossal hissy fit and turned max into some sort of rampaging elder God and our friend Sybil was 13 months pregnant and stinky and Sal were making out and Wow it really does sound crazy when I say it out loud I still believe you Sam mr.william your turn to put something extra on the table you're a funeral guys is that the Necronomicon ex mortis the cursed Book of the Dead wrapped in the flesh of a demon whose words bring death and destruction to all who read them no it's a cookbook of course it's the Necronomicon now let's play whatever happened to that nice Sheila lady you rescued from the Deadites back in the 14th century no idea I tried to find out once twice but ancient history is not exactly my strong suit perhaps I can help scanning scanning Sheila the very pregnant daughter of you furred married to Theodore in 1300 pregnant hey man we only did it once twice tops one son eight grandchildren killed by the Black Plague in 1347 along with all but one of her heirs ah damn direct descendants emigrate to Poland in the 15th century remaining family escapes Nazis in mid 20th century eventually settling in a Swedish Enclave in Nebraska wait a minute by the 1960 s the sole surviving ancestor of Theodore and Sheila bonny Jablonski briefly marries a local traveling salesman giving birth to two male sons including Brock Fitzgerald Samson hey welcome to the family so on Pandora you can get guns and vending machines guns ammo medkit you name it we've ended what about candy bars candy bars what kind of monster would sell candy bars at begging machines where innocent kids could get their hands on them but here on earth yeah here on earth you've got an obesity epidemic Capel but on pandora our children are healthy lean fighting machines it's a second dan wins the hand come to Papa little chips don't anthropomorphize the money max I mean Sam if I'd wanted someone to fling garbage at me all night I could have stayed home watching c-span what was that I am attempting to ascertain what's so special about an ordinary set of poker equipment that it would oblige the owners of the inventory to assemble these so-called themed tournaments maybe it was magic magic of course and here I was wasting my time looking for fluctuations in the quantum phone I'll just adjust my scanners to check the genies leprechauns and wizards don't forget demons those SOPs are always up to something okay quick topic words to live by gold life is short and sadistic so make love to it like a one-eyed double agent always run in the opposite direction of loud noises there's always time for more science never go anywhere without written instructions mine was try not to be a jerk but I'm really liking that thing about the sadistic midgets would max do in a situation like this okay Plan B Sam takes the pot you know if you keep indulging like transparent dishonesty I'm gonna have to run for Congress now sometimes you get the bear sometimes you get the bear and realize you're stuck with a bear what's it like living it black and white wow that's actually an old wives tale like the one about representative democracy dogs can't see in color it just looks like this right now we can also see fear and smell sarcasm yeah impressive thank you [Music] this decks gone colder than my ex-girlfriend zombie not the demon she was actually kind of hot why can't I get cards like that because you're a [ __ ] Oh harsh check they're all watching us aren't they trying to read my face foretells huh well good luck with that I've taken so many blows to the head that the muscles in my face twitch for no damn reason at all see hey my money go to a pleasant upstate farm where it has room to play with all its currency friends what you get when you screw with the class there was probably a better way to phrase that but you want this pot go ahead take it from me Sam takes the pot just so you know I was bluffing my butt off in that hand looks like you've still got an Extra Butter to despair chief if you excuse me I'm going to erase the memory of these cards you should know that a Williams never Bluffs except when we do Sam has been eliminated what in the name of Walt Whitman 6-cylinder writing lawnmower just happened there you lost would you like me to run a holographic replay no thanks max yes take me someplace funny like the zoo sure see ash has been excised from this experiment due to insufficient funds that Ash guy's a little what's the word nervous dangerously unbalanced oh sure let's go with those [Music] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Laughter] [Music] since 2008 the World Health Organization has required that every pair of shoes be fitted with Aglets that trace our footsteps via satellite you know what they say when fate closes a door lock opens a window and Carmindy activates the alarm system as a reward for your service you will be given this ultra long three sips of which will put you into a magical slumber until you reel waken in time for the next tournament welcome to the Future kid I hope you like I told you these phony beers were a bad idea [Music] extract a champion [Music]

Channel: Bullet Gallery

Views: 1,259,928

Keywords: Poker Night 2, Funny Conversations, Poker Night 2 - Funny Conversations, Brock Sampson, Claptrap, Ash, Sam, Sam and Max

Id: Egni86k-2dA

Length: 29min 57sec (1797 seconds)

Published: Sun Jan 21 2018