Phil In The Blanks #31 - Robin Mcgraw

okay well this is probably my number one favorite fill-in-the-blanks I don't know if it will be the easiest or the hardest I've ever done but my guest is someone I've met before I always say if I've met my guess before and I've met this guest before because she's my wife Robin so why am i choosing to do her now do her they didn't sound right why am i choosing to interview her now is because tomorrow is our 43rd wedding anniversary so I thought this would be a good time because I've been meaning to have you as a guest but I thought Tuesday when I dropped these Falls the day before 43rd anniversary what do you think about that well can I say first I'm shocked I really am so thrilled to be here and for such a beautiful beautiful reason but I have to say that so many people have asked me are you ever gonna be a guest will you ever be a guest and I always say no no I'm not ever gonna be a guest and Here I am why did you think you wouldn't be against I put you right out well honestly I say oh no he only has brilliant people who have something to offer and really I've said that but I don't know I just thought oh not me and who knows what we're gonna say when we're together with mics but I'm so thrilled no one else could do this right here today to celebrate something like this with you so I am thrilled to be here and very excited I'm a little nervous though you have three different my pets and computers with their backs to me yeah you don't know anything that's on them and I have no idea above anything that's gonna happen today this is a surprise for me he only asked me two days ago to do this well you said I only have brilliant people on here and one of the myths I want to break you know you've been to every show right you've been to every dr. Phil and before we came out here to LA you never went to work with me you didn't go to the courtroom with me you didn't go the office with me I'd leave and you when I got which worked for us right yes we're raising children at the time and that's what you wanted to do yes do you remember how it came about that you started coming to the shows yes I do and we had moved out here Jordan was the only one at home still Jay was off at Law School well I have to think about that maybe he was still in college but Jordan was here summertime and you started taping the shows and so of course we all wanted to come but I thought I've got to come and support you so I came to that very first taping right and one of the myths I want to belove as people say as robin adair a show yes she has and I think you would get tired of looking and listening to me but I want people to know that you do a whole lot more than just sitting in the audience because Robin is my feminine side you know a lot of our guests or women a lot of our viewers are women and Robin keeps me in my lane on the pitman insensitivity side because really from a male perspective it's hard sometimes to appreciate everything from a female point of view if you don't have somebody you trust I prepare these shows really in-depth and Robin is right by my side when I prepare him and she reads those books like I do and she'll say now listen you don't want to go here you don't want to be saying that you need to consider this point of view so she's really helpful in putting the shows together and as the years have unfolded you have emerged as number one our point person in our philanthropic things because you've created when Georgia smiled which is our premier philanthropic endeavor and you have also emerged as one of the leading ambassadors in the fight against domestic violence and victims of sexual abuse men women and children and the work you do and that has been game-changing it's been recognized on Capitol Hill you do a whole lot more than sit in the audience and sometimes that's all people see but there's a whole lot more to it than that yes and thank you for saying that but I have to go back to that very first day of being in the audience because just as today like I said earlier this was a surprise two days ago when you asked me to be here so now I'm just so proud and so excited but just as that first day that you started taping I thought of course I'm going to be there I have to support you I've always supported you because I'm being honest here today I've always thought you were brilliant I've always thought that you could change the world god I'm glad we're getting this on tape but I have to be serious right now I've just always been in awe of your brilliance and when you were starting this show this was a huge change in our lives and our family and just everything about our entire life and so yes I had to be here on that first day I had to support you and our life change and so I sat there that first day just again in awe tears in the brim of my eyes just thinking oh my gosh this is happening and I will tell you and all of your listeners every day for 17 years and else you're starting your 18th season I still sit on the edge of my chair and I never take my eyes off of you because I listen to you as if it is the first time I've ever heard you speak as if I don't know what you're gonna say but honestly most of the time I finish your sentences but I can't take my eyes off of you I can't stop listening I don't know if that day is ever gonna come but I don't think it will well a lot of times you don't know what I'm gonna say that's for sure but coming up in the first cycle we're gonna hit 3,000 show Wow you've been there for every one of them what did you think was gonna happen when we came out here did you think we would be here 18 years later actually that's the number one show in television what did you think was gonna happen that but I'm not surprised at it I didn't think that do you think we'd do this for a while or forever or what do you think I really thought we'd be here forever I thought this was a positive change in our life I've always trusted you I've always known that whatever you set out to do it would be a success and listen we started out with nothing so I've always known that whatever we did together whatever you started whatever path we took we would feel like successes I knew we would be happy and we would stick with it so I never thought that we would not be here for the rest of our lives you thought this was it because we've now lived here longer than we lived anywhere I know so this is home yes by 50% we've lived here longer even than Dallas yes and you know I've always told you that growing up one goal in my life was to never have regret to do everything with the purpose of not having regrets so I don't know if maybe that helped that we're gonna do this and we're gonna be successful and I've never doubted you that you're going to make it successful and I guess that is because I've always felt safe and I've always known that you would take care of me and our children we walked away from a really successful life right right that's right seriously we had everything lined up we had a beautiful home on the Golf Course in Dallas the office was less than a mile away the sports club where we worked out and had friends and everything was halfway in between I mean we had an orbit it's perfect it was perfect in so many ways we had arguably the number one trial science firm in the world business couldn't have been better and we were turning business down we couldn't do everything that we were very happy where we were so it was not an insignificant decision to walk away from that or boys were thriving they were in school they had friends girlfriends they were members of teams but the underlying feeling I had was let's do it let's go for it you know I love change I love change but I never had a doubt I never had a fear in my gut that we shouldn't do it our number one concern of course was Jordan he was at home and he was only 15 he was ensconced in this life that he loved his school his friends his grandmother was there he loved his coaches at the school life was good for him and so he was our number one concern he didn't ask that we always had a rule if it affected everybody in the family the rule was it takes four yeses and one note takes four yeses to make the change and one no to not make the change it affected everybody everybody had to be on board I remember when I came home I'd been doing Oprah for four years at the time I said Oprah and I've been talking and think it's time to do my own show and I got a sneaking suspicion this is gonna be a full-time gig so we're not gonna do it from here so it's gonna be New York Chicago or LA and we've kind of decided it's gonna be LA for a lot of production reasons so what's everybody think well you were getting boxes before the end of the sentence I mean you were like oh he'll sign me up Jay was good for it we wondered what Jordan was gonna think cuz you know he was captain of the basketball team baseball team had his friends loved everything because I remember you asked him what about your friends and he said if they're really good friends they'll come and see me and I have no doubt I'll make new friends and he said I'm sure the coaches there will be just as nice as they are here of course they will it's funny how things come full circle because when we first got out here he didn't know anybody and so I remember when you went into his room and said is there anything you ever wanted to do that you can do alone no anybody can do without friends and he said I've always wanted to learn to play the guitar I've always wanted to play the guitar well here's the deal as soon as your dad gets home people take you to pick out a good right that was 17 years ago May and last week he opened up on tour with the Jonas Brothers at the American Airlines Arena in Miami killed it first night of their tumor yeah it was the first night of this world tour Wow you asked him that in his room and here we are full circle he's an American Airlines Arena playing in front of all of those people in Miami and just had a great time meant to be wanted so we've been married 43 years yes why is it worked in your opinion we get asked that a lot why does it work you know we don't have the perfect married just put that out there right now because a lot of people ask that no no one has the perfect marriage and we do not have the perfect marriage but yeah I looked like a barber yah what was I thinking with all white on you we should do it over so I could really have an expensive dress but what do you pay for the dress $99 $99 free wedding dress I had to put it in layaway you did for how much did you pay a week five dollars everybody listening probably don't know what layaway yes probably don't everybody yes layaway you would go pick something out they would put it back and you would pay on it every week they wouldn't let you take it home but you'd pay on it every week until you paid it off and then you could take it home right right I still have the dress it was a hundred bucks yes and I guess an all-white tuxedo must have been cheaper than a black one I know this I'm saying it must have been cheaper to rent white than it wasn't black one yeah we're down to mr. tuxedo and it for three hours or we begged an ice-cream man to loan it but um why has it worked because we did our homework I hate to sound like I'm sat in front of 3,000 shows but we really did do our homework and you know this is just something I thought of just recently because someone was asking me so many questions about bull she knew it was based on your company that you created before we came out here and she said well tell me exactly what it was about I said well courtroom Sciences it was to teach witnesses on the stand to tell the truth to testify effectively she went oh very interesting and something just kind of came to me because she started asking about our marriage this was not an interview I said you know what something just came to me I said to her I think those first three years we were dating I was actually learning teaching myself to be his wife effectively because those three years we spent learning about each other asking the right questions and you opened up to me you became vulnerable to me I saw the man I fell in love with and I will say to all the listeners and I've said it before I do believe in love at first sight because I do believe I do know I fell in love with you that very first night even though you were really kind of grouchy and really kinda not warm and fuzzy but you had been sick true but I fell in love with you that first night so we did spend three years getting to know each other and and you did become vulnerable and you did really tell me the things that bothered you and the things that didn't bother you and I'll never ever to this day forget them and so because of those conversations that we had I entered the marriage knowing what buttons to push if I really wanted to upset you I've never pushed those buttons because you were vulnerable you told me what I'm curious what was one of the buttons but you don't push I'm running there was a certain person you wanted me to never compare you to that's true but I've never done that that's true so there were buttons that because in those vulnerable moments you told me things and I have made a choice never to do those because I know in my heart I could do that and I can upset you why would I do that and you did tell me those things that touches your heart or makes you happy or what you need to know I love about you truly a list and I choose to do those things well one of the questions because I was asking Karla Karla Pennington is the executive producer of dr. Phil and well really everything she is truly the brains dear dear friend of Robins as well so I was asking her what do you think we should talk about and one of the questions she wanted us to talk about is what was I doing and what were you doing when we fell in love what was it that I did what was it that I was doing that made you say that's the one you were trying your best to prove to me you did not need me or anyone else you were fine all by yourself and I just thought no no you need me so much in your life you need me you just don't know it but I'm gonna prove it to you I was trying to he's just real warm and fuzzy you are like I'm on a mission I have a goal in life and it doesn't include anyone so that was your thinking yep god he's trying so hard to convince me he's fine all by himself he doesn't need to be married he doesn't need children children right and if we ever have them don't expect me to take them anywhere with me I won't baby said I'm not ever gonna change a Dobler I'm not ever gonna drive anywhere he's like putty in their hands it's like now mom be nice they're good boys what'd I get if I say hey hon could you ask Jay or Jordan - not like burp and their grandmother's ear oh they're good boys they are good boys they sure are they're perfect yeah your speech I'm sorry question well I'm gonna answer the question - I thought it was your spirit I thought you were really kind of spunky smart yeah which I found very entertaining actually I like that because I know we broke up at one point yes we actually you broke up kick me to the curb so I would go talk to some other girl and then I'd get rid of her and go home and call you and talk to you for four or five hours and I thought you know what am i doing yes if you only had any idea that when you were out talking to that other girl well I was talking to your mom and she was helping me set up little tricks so we've been married 43 years we've been together for what 46 almost 47 yes that's more than two thirds of our lives I know we've been married for fifteen thousand six hundred ninety five days that's what I love about you I would never ever even think to count it up in days I love it about I think Surrey will approach this I know we've been together longer than almost everybody in this room is a lie yeah I'll ask when did you graduate from like high school and it's like after we've been married 20 years I graduated from high school that's a long time do you think there were highs lows I mean obviously when our children were born oh yes those would be high yes J was born in 79 September 12 1979 yes what do you remember about that oh well everything of course but I can remember being at your mother's home I can remember the day of baking like six pumpkin pies and this huge meal of course and of course I knew what that meant but still didn't believe it I remember he came a week early he came on my father's birthday ah we're at your mother's home delivery and pumpkin pies and my water broke it's just surreal everything and raced home and this is probably 9:00 p.m. raced home to get my suitcase everyone is supposed to pack and nowadays I don't think they do that but we get to the hospital and maybe it was 10:00 p.m. and my father's birthday was the next day after midnight night was so stupid I asked the nurse is there any way we can hold this off until midnight she went what I said yes yes can we hold it off it's my father's birthday my water broke and shouldn't uh-huh no you're not going to have this baby in two hours and I had him 14 hours later yeah and J was what a week old when we had to take him in for surgery he was three weeks old but it was a week up when he started all the symptoms of pyloric stenosis the issue there but he was projectile vomiting every time I would feed him and just shoot across the road about something's wrong and I was just a nervous wreck and I took him to the doctor well one morning I woke up and he didn't wake up all that long because he was so weak all of the food every time we feed him it would shoot out and then his stomach grew shut and so I ran down the hall and there he was and not oh my gosh you had already gone to work and I called your sister and raced him into the doctor and he said call him the dad and have him meet us at the hospital oh and so you did and they realized what was wrong and I'll never forget I could cry it out but they put the little IV in his little tiny hand and he had sobs so much he was just heaving and you said I'll carry him into the operating room and I just watched the two of you go down the hall and you were so big and that little tiny head was just right at your shoulder and he was still heaving and all I could see was that little tiny Oh speak of the little tiny head [Music] [Applause] oh look at you three Oh Graham I was just about to cry thinking of your daddy weird bored London how are you doing with those braces hey Bri how's the bunny well you guys gonna come spend the night soon she's got a check on your hamster's so have you gotten your new kitty yet oh that's so sweet I will say something about this family we love animals now that would be really cute I vote ducks so London when you come over are you gonna go play golf with pops again yeah we had fun didn't we yeah you're a golfer yeah he is a golfer I'll tell you what and while y'all do that Avery will bake a cake again yeah three-tiered cake she picked out the three sizes it had lights on it and all kinds of stuff it was impressive and he did a happy gilmore for his dad we got back and around about 20 yards so Jase with Jordan right I love that he surprised him in the gym that morning those are brothers they're thicker than thieves for sure well guys thank you for calling in surprising us I was so surprised Avery London we love you we'll see you later love you Erica Erica hi babies Oh aren't they precious they are precious we were talking about when Jay had to have surgery and I remember because I was on staff at the hospital so they let me carry him into the operating room yes it wasn't horrible surgery but it's never risk-free to put a baby under general anesthesia and three weeks old so that was a scary time it was so scary and I just dreaded every time I had defeated because I was like who wants to feed the baby I guess we say projectile vomiting he was projectile vomit he went across the room you never knew how much he kept in and it just progressively got worse and after two weeks of it we had to rush him in there and ah but he grew up healthy and strong that's for sure so he took the red eye and flew into Miami Jordan when he kicked off tour and I said to you I am so shocked that Jay has not gone in to be there for Jordan on this first performance because they're 7 years apart but they are sick yes I mean Jay thinks that we had Jordan just for him yeah like the minute Jordan was born Jays issues okay I'll take over he did too and he did yeah who do you think was easiest jr. Jordan oh it's hard to say because Jay helped me raise Jordan but I think jae-hee has been a little man his entire life it was like he was born a man he's had the need to run things like take care of me when you're gone he would be six years old and you'd be working laid in a conference or you would be out of town and he truly felt the need to step in and take over if we would go out to dinner he was in charge of everything again he's just always been like that he likes to run things and he's so sweet and kind hearted and I don't know he's just always been just easy which one of you thinks most like you Jordan no I don't know Jordan is so much like you in so many ways so I'm gonna have to switch and say J but I don't know because I can remember when Jay was six years old he informed me he needed an office set up in his bedroom he needed a suit in a briefcase cuz he was gonna be just like his daddy from that day forward so there's just so much of both of them that really is you but then they have a lot of traits of their personality that would be me yes they do yeah we always do shows about in-laws what kind of in-laws do you think we are yeah I think that we're very sweet supportive in-laws very sweet and supportive we adore Ericka and we support her a hundred percent creating her family her life with Jay and her children and I think that's what she deserves and I think that's what they deserve I always have we never go over there we're not the type of in Las that just show up and I've always been that way even when they were without children or when the boys lived on their own I don't believe in just showing up at their home I don't believe in going over there I don't even believe in inviting myself I think that's their home that's their world and they deserve privacy and so I think we're very polite sweet kind and supportive him I think we definitely respect boundaries a lot unfortunately we get invited a lot yes get the kids a lot at our house and also I mean that's great so I think we're very blessed in that regard I'm oh you're so precious we just visited with Erika and the babies [Music] yes we are so where are you I am in Miami having so much fun Jordans officially on the road again oh are you so proud of your brother oh my god you have no idea it was amazing it was like dropping him off for college all over again it was crazy I was just telling everyone that you were like waiting for us to have Jordan because he wanted to take over and you did you bid like his father best big brother but we had him dissing standing there watching him on stage was one thing then turning around and watching all those people watch him on stage was something completely different and I don't think there's anything in the world that can equal or give you the same thrill you know landing an airplane no graduating from some University no I'm the thrill and the energy that you must get from having those people screaming and dancing they all put their lights up in the air when he asked him to I don't think anything could rival what he experienced on that stage and we'll now 400 more times at least when he did his new single and you turn around and scanned the arena and there were lights on phones all the way up into the top rafters I just couldn't believe it no I couldn't either neither could he he said that it took everything he had to not stop singing and go wow I start singing again I love that you were there what do you think about the fact that your parents have been married for three years now it's a long time to be married to you dad that wasn't what I was pulling for here oh oh I mean ya know it's not even a surprise yeah there you go cuz your mom is like the champion exactly I'm a guest today on his podcast so I'm very proud I know it's a very distinguished list of people all right 43 years is a long time but you gotta admit it's been a pretty good ride for you as a kid yeah now I have zero complaints good answer except for that time when I was 14 years know what happened the mic just went dead you had to shave when you went to school even go school and not shave and then they'd call and say you have to come get in shape for school he's had a beard since he was 10 he'd caught me on the way the gym mom they're making me shave again I'm like okay guys let me problem solve this for you if your solution to me not shaving is I can't go to class then we're on the same page eh why are you complaining you're out of class I missed every fourth day of school because they sent me to the gym to shave so you go admit this has been a good run and I think we're pretty good grandparents you have to admit pretty good baby so yeah yeah I agree they they love nothing more than coming over there yeah we just talked to him Avery and London just called him with Erica and we talked about playing golf and baking cakes and having a good time oh it has been a family-oriented summer I spent four hours floating in the ocean a couple days ago teaching them all to wakeboard and they've baked dozens of cakes and I got to say I'm gonna save that picture of you and London playing golf forever because that forum was perfect oh my god yeah he really nailed it Natalie did and he ratted me out about the 57 said we did a burnout with a fish tail believe he told that that's great you'll have to ask Jordan he bought a new guitar this week and it's a 57 whatever I don't know anything about char's but it's fun that you've got the 57 car and you get the 57 guitar no that's well I think it's super that you went down there to be with your brother yeah I wanted to give him his face and let him do his thing but at the same time I'm like I secretly buy a ticket on StubHub and sneak in what do I do cuz I definitely didn't want to miss it yeah he wanted you to be there for sure I thought we definitely should stay away you don't want your mom and dad there I mean here Rockstar with your folks so what are you gonna do I'm gonna head home yeah well thanks for coming yeah love you too mom congratulations on 43 years thank you we love you boy let me - All Right see you later bye guys travel safe so kid you know we've been together so long that through our marriage we've lost all four of our parents yes we lost your mother first then who was next was it your dad or my dad was my dad was it your dad yes it was my dad and then my dad yes she was such a sweet sweet woman you know when I lost my mother so suddenly and you called your mother she loved me so much and told her what was happening and where we were that we were at the hospital and she rushed there to see me and she walked in and the moment she saw me in such distress and so upset she had a heart attack check her into the hospital yeah thankfully and God bless she survived but she was in there for a week because the stress of seeing me so upset yeah because that was a shock to us we lost your mother instantaneously without any warning whatsoever I was on the phone and she passed and I thought we'd just been disconnected I have to tell you that was definitely a hard time for me with you because in the time we had been held we've been married at that point we had been married maybe nine years because I think that was the first thing that I hadn't been able to fix you tried we got to the hospital and we were in the emergency room and I was on staff at that Hospital as well so I was in the trauma room with her and when they called it we had you in the doctors lounge with family down there and when I had to walk from that trauma room down to the doctors lounge to tell you I couldn't fix this one she didn't make it that's the longest walk I've ever taken yeah I can't imagine because she was so young you knew how much I loved her yeah that was tough it's tough it was tough because she was so vibrant and alive but you know when you go through things like that I think it Wells the relationship together in a way that you just don't have if you don't go through those things it's not that it's good to go through them but it has a profound effect yes yes it was shocking was the first time I really experienced death of someone I loved you know distant relatives maybe but it was the first time that I actually had to experience the finality of death and the holidays were right after that and it was so tough i sat there and wrote those thank-you no I'm just kidding I'm not gonna bring that up but that was a pivotal moment relationship but we've grown through and learned through a lot of things yeah what she's talking about is she had gotten really really depressed obviously when she lost her mother and was just really kind of down for the count and what really got her up out of bed was she just felt the absolute need to write notes to all of the wonderful people that had been so nice and supportive so she got out of bed and she went into the dining room table and set there and wrote out handwritten personal notes to every single one of them for like three days yeah for three days there was a bundle of them and is she finally finished and I think felt better for it and I was leaving to go to the office and she gave him to me to mail and I play tennis every day of my life and they wound up in my tennis bag which I didn't get in that day because weather turned bad and it stayed bad for like ever I mean really it just turned bad it rained for like two weeks some horrible amount of time and then it finally broke and she went to look in my tennis bag to make sure I had everything I needed and there were those thank-you notes that I had every intention but I didn't get into mail I let her down I didn't send those notes and I felt like that big and when I saw you with that look on your face that you felt that big away it's okay did I not I liked which made me feel even worse this you were so big about it no I said sorry it's okay it's okay you said I will personally drive to everyone's home and hand-deliver them and tell them it's my fault I would know don't know then I started feeling horrible Oh No just put them in the mail today you know get them tomorrow I was a learning lesson for them I listened because you'd seen somebody at the store and they didn't mention the note I just didn't matter at that point I just thought I thought they'd do it was more of something I guess I needed to grieve but it was a pivotal moment for me then - yeah me too it's more important that you know that it's okay then they know because enough time had passed so enough I felt like the biggest and the entire but I hated that I felt terrible still feel terrible I still felt terrible I feel more terrible okay you win I loved win you definitely win you know when I thought about that again is when my dad died and he and my mother had been married 53 54 years and the hardest thing in the world was to tell my mother because my dad had gone to teach Sunday School and died at the front of his Sunday School class mhm and you're the one that told my mother mm-hmm because I was racing over there and I was following the ambulance to the hospital and about halfway there they turned their lights off mm-hmm and stopped driving fast and I thought well not too hard to interpret what this means but you're the one that called her and told her I was over there I had gone over to her you said don't let her come yet let's see what happens and subside yeah don't let's just stay here and wait and then you asked me to tell her I was like okay it was hot it was tough but yeah I think I was no people everyone Hal we've been married for 43 years and gotten along and all that it's because we've been in the trenches together we've been in the foxhole together we've dealt with those things that are the things that truly matter and dug out from those things and I think that's the glue right mm-hmm that's right it's the highs and the lows and those are the things that are really there I mean Jay when he was sick and you know the most scared I've ever been in the 43 years that we've been married do you know when it is No tell me you know me I don't get scared I don't get anxious I get on tasks I've crashed airplanes and if you ever find me dead in a field in an airplane don't think I died scared because I didn't I died busy mm-hmm that's just not the way I react but the most scared I've ever been was over Thanksgiving when Jordan was in junior high that they call now middle school we took him in because he had something wrong with his leg he could just barely touch it and it was some kind of really bizarre rare 1 in 10 million tumor mm-hmm in his shin it was either benign mm-hm and they would pop it out and fill it in or if it wasn't you're in a world of trouble mm-hmm the 24 hours it took to get that answer was the most scared I've ever been in my entire life yes I agree that's really helped me to understand people when they describe fear and anxiety and paralysis and stuff because there was nothing I could do I was helpless there was no Hill I could climb there was no wall I could run through there was no effort I could make there's nothing I could do but pray yes that's exactly right it was so scary just putting him in the hospital put him in surgery and having them take it out then having to find out what it was and it turned out that it was okay but that was the longest 24 hours of my life yes I agree I never told him but what the gravity of it was cuz he was just a child [Music] he'd been playing football in school yeah and came home and told us about how much it hurt yeah that was a hard time when they left did you have empty nest syndrome yes and no I had infeed nest syndrome before they left and it was harder with Jay because I guess of the unknown I don't know I just know that leading up to it I got really sad I said and reflected on his life and thought about the fact that he would soon be moving out of our home and going away somewhere else and I couldn't walk into the room and checked on him asked him if he was hungry just mother him so oh I was very sad and reflective all the time I just watched myself through the day without him in the home and that was very sad and taking him down there and being busy and setting him up in his home and seen how excited he was helped so much and I know we dropped him off in Austin and we were maybe 15 miles out of town and I had to let it go and just cried and cried but at the same time I didn't want Jordan upset he was in the car and honestly at that point I didn't cry as much and I wasn't sad because I saw this great step in his life and how he was excited for it so it was really the saddest before he left but then oh I had that one little crime spell but then no not after that and then when Jordan laughed I didn't I had this pride that we had prepared them so well for it I wouldn't for a minute stop them from that next step in life so I didn't have that no I had a completely different reaction you remember because I knew what they were getting ready to do we were dropping them off at college at University of Texas and in Jordan at SMU and I thought man are they getting ready to have a good time oh don't be upset Jay's gonna have the time of his life and I said that's fine but what if he's hungry and what if his clothes need iron either you know what if he does have any food in his kitchen how's that gonna go do you just like to be like right wrinkled clothes you're worried about that like no iron I should trust me then give one night I walked into the library in our home and you're at your desk and it was like 1:30 in the morning and I walked by and you're on the phone with him on the speakerphone because you're listening to all of his friends they're all telling you about this experience they just gone through it's just peeping tom at the girls sorority and they were all after him and I was like what are y'all hungry just good believe it and then I had this comfort knowing I should not even try to wonder or even try to think about what's going on in his life right now then this project yes they were fine they were fine you're laughing they're telling the story they're laughing and I just thought okay no more worries I was sitting there shaking my head at SMU because you're fixing Jordans dorm room up yeah he's fixing it just right and putting everything over here and I'm thinking man you are so wasting your time because we had this really nice penthouse type condo that we kept in Dallas over at the Plaza remember yes we didn't hit City Limits before he was out of that dorm and into that place until I told him when he called and said he had the flu I had to call the chef at the restaurant there and deliver food to cuz he was sick yeah right so what do you think about living in the public eye because she grew up in Duncan Oklahoma small town her dad had the driving range in Duncan Oklahoma he was the golf pro they're a driving range in Duncan Oklahoma is a pasture with some golf balls at one end of and I'd go pick em up they didn't have a tractor to pick them up right that's right did you put on a helmet or anything before it opened on Saturday mornings we all had got there did you get a wagon or take bucket what you done gets wet take buckets and then my father would drive a go kart with a back on it and pick up the buckets that we filled we just drop them and we had to carry two at a time and then he'd give us one when we ran out but yes we had to walk that whole thing you pick it up balls I took my table but I hated it that was your job on Saturday morning yes yes he did know there were snakes out there right oh stop don't even go there right now are you serious do you think there were in Oklahoma yes but it was a driving range it was a bogus thanks no oh this is the driving range I shouldn't go here they're gonna be mine gone I don't wanna interrupt it are you kidding no they don't think that bad I never thought that make sure no snakes all they have a rail snake hunt in Duncan Oklahoma oh my gosh well no they hunt all the rattlesnakes that is you wear gloves yes I wore gloves boots no I don't think I wore boots oh my god okay oh man so a big difference between picking up golf balls in a pasture and Duncan Oklahoma to living in the public eye for the last 20 years what do you think about that it's different but we don't go out much but yes we're in the public eye and I find with it when we go out we go away yes we do and we're in the public eye honestly it's okay we've adjusted I have to get a lot of credit right now to Oprah I honestly believe that without her it would have started differently because she would call all the time and prepare me and tell me what to expect and again I welcomed this change people love you that's another thing when we are out in public people love you so much so it's not like we're confronted with negativity when someone comes up to us sounds like I have on rose-colored glasses right now because yes there's a lot of negativity out there when it comes to tabla and false reports and that kind of thing but I learned to live with that because I know in my heart what's true and I'm proud of you and I'm proud of why we're here it was a decision we talked about thought about made the decision and I've embraced it and I love our life here but it is different it is very different yeah so how do you think you've changed over the last almost 50 years that we've been together Wow I've become a stronger woman I've become more focused on the new endeavors we've taken on I believe I've set goals and I don't stop until I get there and I'm proud of the roles I've taken on as a woman a wife and a mother and a grandmother I'm very satisfied with how I've lived my life did you do a lot of different things I've always thought of you living in phases like you thought you were put on this earth to be a mother and so you wanted to focus on kids and family and put other things on hold and then when the kids were up and gone and you knew they had traction and we're successful then you turn to other things you know you've written to New York Times bestsellers number one bestsellers you have a very successful business you've been very active philanthropic Lee you've done all of these things that you didn't do before because you had other priorities mhm mhm and when those things were done then you said okay my turn I'm going to do some things I'm passionate about and so I've watched you be passionate and very successful as a mother and wife and then be very passionate and successful as a businesswoman the philanthropist and the television personality and all of those things so I kind of think you know is there anything you can't do oh and I have to stop and say right now that when you describe wife and mother my focus there it's true I really grew up wanting to be a wife and mother and I've said numerous times I do believe I was put on this earth to nurture a family and I god bless you for allowing that to happen being coming into my life also I can not even tell you what age how long I always knew a focus of mine was to nurture myself take care of myself yes my family and my role as the matriarch of the family was always what I believed was the reason I was put on this earth but I think back also that I never ever felt that I wasn't as important and I'm glad for that I'm happy about that now I look back and realized that was the stepping stone or that was the rock that allowed me to be a success as a wife and a mother and everything I do in my life that if I had not believed in myself believed that I could do it I don't think I could have done it well obviously we're financially comfortable at this point in our life fortunately don't you agree that we were just as happy in a one-bedroom apartment in Denton Texas as we are now oh yes yes I don't think it has anything to do with money I think when we lived in Denton and I was riding a ten-speed bike to school and we were living in a one-bedroom apartment with zip I thought we were just as happy then as we are now I completely agree I was Drive that 62 comet that I paid 225 dollars for and I didn't know I mean I knew there were nicer cars of course I do there were better cars but I wasn't sad I didn't have a better car I didn't sit around going this is not what I dreamed of no I thought I was living in a castle with you that one-bedroom apartment no I never thought it we suffered ever yeah I remember I come home at night cut through that field on a ten-speed bike you'd be there waiting what I said I was always sitting at the end of the complex there at the end of our row of apartments on the steps with a glass of iced tea waiting for you yeah that was a long time ago and I still fix that glass of iced tea what you walk in the door that's right but we were happy then just like we are now yes we were I have something else here to share that just came in I feel like I got away from touring the country [Music] you know but it worked because I'm here so good job love you guys he couldn't call him but he said in the video I seen it up there everybody now yeah well he's probably been up a while you should say that voice that was so sweet of him yes good job George you're a doll Philip you're just a doll you did that you got all that time well they were like herding cats cuz they're all over the place but they all wanted to register in tell you happy anniversary but no we had a good time then just like we do now I think different phases we've lived in different houses different cities different challenges but we've always found a way to make it work and to laugh and have a good time every step of the way just like we do now that's right and I suspect we'll continue to do so that's because we went to you know we've always wanted to it's been what we want you suspect we rule yeah I suspect we will yay yeah you picked me out early on yes I did yes first night first night yes first night I took her horseback riding on our first date it went really well until dad took her horseback riding it went really well until I ran out of quarters this come from no no we take her horseback riding he took me up in your airplane I did she had never been in an airplane before us back to the client it was at night time which was bonus was beautiful I was scared and then you got tricky and started doing all these circles and then you started like up and then shut down it's like oh my god I told you before I did it you want to see how tough I was and I was pretty tough cuz I didn't throw up no you didn't throw up came close there are certain things we've learned not to do - right so true you don't coach Robin nope are you about to make me mad no no I'm just saying you don't coach you we don't play tennis together yeah that's so true coach and Robin is like baptizing a cat if I ask because you don't do it it's like trying to put a cat in the bucket you don't do it hey listen that's so true I'm not gonna argue with you but if I ask to be coached coach me but if I don't ask to be coach did you step up start coaching me that's not gonna work when you ask you got a coach you just right no nope if I ask then you can coach me million women are different well you started this outside criticizing me no no coach no I'm just saying you just learn about each other that's true there that's right hmm let me just tell you about coaching don't ask Phillip to coach you okay what well I guess anyone else can ask you but I'm not gonna ask you to coach me because you get so critical I told you to do it this way yeah that's what I mean you got a coach you the way you want to be coached which is fine just nice and sweet you can say sweetheart honey I didn't tell you to do it that way yeah I said do it this way but million women are just different I think men go to a party and they see somebody in the same outfit they're like buddies for life yeah women completely different right some women some women yes I actually don't mind that I think it's fun and it's kind of funny and I go straight to that person to go look at us we both at great taste yeah but there's different we've accommodated right learn quickly yeah married men live longer really yeah they're just more willing to die you set me up okay how else are we different well you like shoes I love shoes I'm not gonna I didn't understand that from the minute we got married I mean she likes shoes I know you can go to a bowling alley and get a pair for two dollars exactly he's good we're bowling shoes every day I got two pair of shoes that's enough I was one tear I'm wearing another pair just and my starter you have more than two pair but I'm not gonna bottom I love shoes yeah you do love shoes just the other day you walked by my closet I don't come in here and you wait one I said I'm just gonna say it now I was for Brad you went it's all my fault and kept walking did you not yes I did okay I didn't say yes you are I said I'd it's my fault I said oh well then come back yeah so you've got something new you're starting yes which is a podcast called what I've got a secret here's what's really cute I think is you said I think you should do a podcast and I said oh okay and you said just decide what it is you want to talk about and then think of a name so I could remember coming home one evening and you were sitting there we were having dinner and you were serving something on my plate and I said oh I've got a name for my podcast and you said what is it and I went no no no you have to be looking at me when I tell you because when you looked at me I put my hands up to my mouth like I was about to shout something and I said I've got a secret and you're what oh and you loved it and so yes it's called I've got a secret because it's gonna be about everything it's gonna be about everything that any woman and man really would ever want to know and I pretty much could stop right there but it's gonna be the secret to having the best sex it's funny because I always start off with that I don't know why but oh well hell let's go with that yeah yeah you're gonna be on the first show okay so it's the secret to knowing when to leave a bad first date the secret to throwing the best dinner party the secret to finding the right doctor the secret to so I encourage all women for any age at any age to send in questions because I believe that a lot of women are living the life they want to live but they always have this one nagging gosh I wish I knew the secret to and then my life would be perfect or some women may have 10 or 15 maybe even 20 if I only had the secret to this my life would be perfect I have this nagging pain and it's not bad enough to go to the doctor but I just wish I knew the secret to whatever and I plan to have experts well known people that may be all listeners can relate to with that issue and just every podcast will focus on one or two subjects and we will give so many answers to the secret that everyone wants to know I feel like over my entire life period and the events that have happened in my life and the research I've done because you know I can't research things enough I can't find out enough information about something that interests me so I feel like I have the secret to a lot of things that are about child-raising about marriage about everything that interests me and so I'm not an expert at everything I will bring in those experts but I'll relate all of my personal experiences as well and this is just a general podcast of every facet of your life that if you knew the secret to one area in your life one or two or three and then will expand on it you'll go WOW think of all this information I can apply to my life to live the happiest healthiest most fun most interesting I'm gonna share this with my family I'm gonna share this with my friends I had a friend just the other day asking I need to know the secret to breaking up with a friend who just doesn't want to have fun anymore or who has become a noose you know there's just a lot of things people want to know and I'm gonna bring them the answer you know they'll saying it's not a secret until you tell somebody you told me that thing it's not a secret till you tell somebody so you're gonna tell secrets right to people that's right because you know I'm good at keeping someone secret if they need to tell someone but they don't want it told to anyone I'll keep that secret for you but I'm not good at keeping my secrets like I don't like to hold on to something that I think I could share with someone else and it might change their life it done anything to do with Roma girl revelation no no no but you're gonna shoot it at your headquarters I am I am yes I have my office she has a beautiful headquarters from a girl revelation calm we order things on your website but the headquarters is on Sunset and they'll say beautiful headquarters and you're going to shoot it right there yes a turning area of that office into perfect spot for I've got a secret it's gonna be fun all right now you have to answer some questions you gave me these questions and tell me I should ask people these at the end of my podcast yes fill in the blank so I'm gonna ask you to fill in the blanks you wrote some of these Oh Sally you wrote some of them you didn't are you gonna do this maybe okay but first before we go to those what advice do you have for young couples or any couple if they're struggling or if they're just starting out to make it work because you've made it work and I give you full credit I always tell people you've made it work for 43 years what's your advice to young couples to make it work my advice is never stop visiting with each other never stop visiting and asking each other questions about each other and about them how was your day who'd you spend it with just a little questions like that but then if you know that it's gotten to the point where you've changed the dynamics have changed I have those long conversations and always begin with that chip off your shoulder because when you have a chip on your shoulder if you have that little edge you're just not gonna get anywhere take that chip off your shoulder soften have that desire in your heart to really make a change if you can't do that then you have to wait until you do and if you can't then you need to have that conversation because a couple must always have a willing spirit to make each other happy and it starts with just a one-on-one conversation and you have to get back there you can't talk to someone that has a chip on their shoulder resentment anger especially if it's for you but I just think that's so important to always get back to where you were when it was just the two of you and you could be vulnerable and have that love between you that convinces each other it will always be you it will always be you I'm not going anywhere it'll always be you I would answer that question this way we have always said no matter what happens whatever disagreement we may have the relationship is not the stakes for which we play a lot of people get in arguments and they say well I'll just get a divorce or what that word has never been spoken in our home and no matter what the debate is we realize the relationship is not on the table whatever happens when it's all over we're gonna still be together we know that it's never a question it's never an issue we don't hold it over each other's head it's not that intimidation factor that oh this could blow the whole thing up that's never an issue that's not the stakes for which we play and I think people need to decide either that's the deal or it's not and if that's off the table then everything else kind of shrinks in comparison it's like are you gonna get a divorce over this no well then shut up whatever it's a way come on it's just another day mm-hmm figure it out so I think people need to side you're either married or you're not mm-hmm so that's the way I would answer that what's the best anniversary present I ever got you you know exactly what to say I hope I can say without crying on our 20th wedding anniversary well I've got to tell a few detail she took me to dinner at the beautiful hotel downtown in Dallas and you had booked a room which i think was so romantic it was probably the one and only time you've done that and you'd arranged your mother babysit and we had dinner and then you gave me this book of poetry six months you wrote 20 poems for 20 years you had gone through all of our photos and you picked photos that actually were from that year and some reflected in the poem and it was so beautiful in the last poem you wrote was if life for a garden and I could walk through again you're the flower I would pick for another 20 years painting and you had it bound in black leather and the title was in silver leaf it was just beautiful yes that was it well I did pick you for another 20 years Finn just yeah we are at 43 23 years later it's beautiful well I would have to say the best anniversary present that you've gotten me were the things that you've made you made this incredible video as Shania Twain yeah God all my friends involved and had him in black patent leather pants John Perry shot the video you were Shania Twain and it was amazing and then for the 40th anniversary you got your wedding dress out got your veil and painted this amazing painting and put together a video to share some laughs yeah which was really great and then there was another one which actually was a birthday present where you took over the Beverly Hills Hotel and converted it I think that's when you played the video that's when I played the Shania Twain video like a woman with all your friends at the time I think you thought I wasn't very impressed with it and I was just speechless I thought it was amazing what's the biggest strangest favor you ever did for me me a favor I did for you I know what the answer to this is oh my god that frog was cooking and I said you'd been in the garage all day trying to find this rattle in your car and you came in the kitchen you said me a favor and I was sure I just need you to come out here and get in the trunk of the car you had the trunk open you hadn't seen towels in the car but you've gone in the bathroom and pulled the decorative towels that no one's supposed to touch and you laid it me out in the trunk and you said if you could just get in the trunk I'm gonna start the car and maybe you could hear the rattle I said sure but then you closed the trunk you get in a car you started up I'm like what and you back out of the garage and feel this bump now you've backed out of the driveway area into the alley you drive out of the alley and drive across to this cul-de-sac from our house right across and you start doing circles in that cul-de-sac I didn't know the trunk lid was gonna latch you were just post a whole dog hold it I'm screaming stop the car stop the car it's throwing me all over the trunk finally you stop the car I hear you get out you can run you over the car trunk and I'm like bleeding oh I'm crying and you look at me and you said did you hear anything oh I didn't hear anything I'm screaming the truck wasn't supposed to last him the truck wasn't supposed to watch it hit a bump in it laughing chairs see you didn't even look at me in the blood the hair got it everything you just said you hear anything I think she's exaggerating I think she's exaggerating a lot no I remember I guess yesterday yeah and I said here ain't they did you not hear anything yeah yeah baby then I gonna hear what you said when I opened that trunk I can't say it you know be thrown off the air strangest favor I ever did for you I don't know I don't think I'll ever go forget that what was the favor you did for know I don't know you got your passive to be reversed oh well you didn't ask for them no I didn't but you know I do the strangest favor ideas surprised process I got my vasectomy reversed now we have little Jordan she wanted this one Jordan if you could leave right now and go do blank you would do it because you've always wanted to but never told anyone visit a woman's prison I've told you that though we never told other people no we've never told you about that but I would love to go visit a woman's prison and just visit with the women all right I've always wished I could blank but life just got in the way I've always wished I could live in Paris really if I could snap my fingers and have blank sitting in front of me I would tell them blank oh my sister that I miss her you talking about your sister Cindy lost yes just recently I've never told anyone that I blanked because I know no one would believe me that I took gun lessons and on my test I scored at the level of an FBI marksman yep that's true yeah you don't want to come in our house and my cousin asked the nicest thing I've ever done was blank and this is the first time I've ever told it oh no the nicest thing I've ever gotten that you've never told anybody when I was working and I quit my job but because I was pregnant with Jay so I was an industrial engineer technician and I would go out onto the plant floor at certainteed and I would do time studies for incentive pay on the people on the line and they weren't supposed to talk to me was the day before Thanksgiving I asked this one girl you know yeah big plans for Thanksgiving she said no I said why not and she said well I have three little kids and I can't afford to cook a turkey and my husband left me and it's just really sad so we won't have Thanksgiving dinner this was the week of Thanksgiving actually because I waited after work and I watched to where she walked to her car and I went to the grocery store and bought everything she would need for a Thanksgiving meal and the next day I went and put it in her car I've never told anyone that and I never told her it was me it's a good thing all right I guess now I have to answer them if I could leave right now and go do blank I would because I've wanted to but never really set it I would go gliding fly everything but I've never flown a glider yes well I've flown gliders it weren't meant to be gliders because the engine quit but I'd really want to go gliding like in the mountains and I've just never done it I've always wished I could blank but life just got in the way learn to dance never because I have horrible rhythm I just wish I could learn to dance you should take lessons well now my knees are like really bad so if I could snap my fingers and have blank sitting in front of me I would tell them interestingly it would be your sister Cindy if I could have her sitting in front of me I would tell her sorry I didn't pull it off you did everything you could because she deserves to still be here yes you did everything you could the nicest thing I've ever done was blank and it's the first time I've ever told it I give an embarrassing amount of money to animal rescue and people say well what about people well we do that too but I'm really passionate about animal rescue but I do it anonymously I have a story too for you let that go ahead what when you're in your office and Wichita Falls and you parked in the back and across the alley there was this garage apartment and you would tell me about this little boy who lived up there with his mom and his aunt and all he had was a ball to bounce to play and he would talk to him when you get out of the car and you asked what he wanted for Christmas and he said huh we don't do Christmas it's just my mom and my aunt and we can't afford Christmas you said what does Santa gonna bring and he goes my mom said Santa might not know where our home is and whatever and you said I want to ask us his aunt if it's okay if she takes them somewhere and you cleared it with her that we'd go into the apartment in it upstairs and leave some things and she said yes but she didn't tell him she took her sister and her nephew out to lunch and during that time we took up a little Christmas tree we decorated it and we put a little bicycle that's what he wanted anyone a Dallas Cowboy shirt football helmet jersey and his mom liked ham so we took a ham and you had me pick out some things for the mother and the on and insist some little toys and we just stuck up there we did it all and then we hid in your office with the lights out and watched him go up there and see it because you could see the tree twinkling from the street he never knew it was you but then he told you the next week when you went to work he asked if it was you yeah I never told him you said no must have been Santa it's really sweet just fun yeah that was fun well we've been talking a long time and I hope people have enjoyed it I mean we talked about things we haven't usually talked about anything you want to say that we haven't said I'm just happy to be married to you I love you well I love you too and it is not easy interviewing your wife it's just not easy nervous do you never know what I'm gonna say no I never know what you're gonna say but that's it well this is 43 so maybe I'll interview you again when we hit 50 yes what do you think let's do it huh it's a date

Channel: Dr. Phil

Views: 594,420

Rating: 4.6259389 out of 5

Keywords: dr. phil, series, phil, show, self, new, mcgraw, daytime, help, drphil, illness, doctors, talk, host, dr., psychologist, mental, tv, mustache, the dr. phil show, dr. phil full episodes, analysis, podcast, self matters, therapy, talk show, professional, murder, social, media, television, philintheblanks, in, the, blanks

Id: 5laSL6D84Do

Length: 80min 49sec (4849 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 13 2019