PAIN Behind my SMILE | Van Life is not a Dream

have a reservation for today all right thank  you sweetie have a good day bye enjoy thank [Music] you to keep so these are the views and let's unpack everything calling calling back to  you if I'm on this I want this I got   nothing left to lose come catch me  catch me if you can I'm ready for it let's get comfy I call one of the things that I love  about these fun is that I can open this canvas   and I have so much air flow in ocean views  right now look at look at how much breeze   I can have here guys and I have my arms all  the way open and you know I still have room   I can physically jump in my van I've never  done this before so I'm pretty stoked about   that guys it's a really great feature about  this westfalia like I'm saying 40 years old   and they knew how to build vans put a rug right  here another rug right here so when I'm coming   in and out and I'm making a mess with my new  carpet all right I'mma sweep all the [Music] chair it's much better when we have  this little chair I've got a B my go I am officially camping I am so hungry I really need  to eat some food I am making a little   salad I have some seeds right here  is a kale salad with chicken I'm   putting some pumpkin seeds and  also I'm putting some sunflower seeds and I love blue cheese I don't know   some people don't like blue cheese  smells like kind of bad but I love it and because it's actually so hot it's  like summer I'm going to put up hair I was temped tempted by your smile I was temped and for a little while I was certain that I will be the one to change you  and you will be mine you will be mine I you   can literally see the Surfers from here there's  like a surf break right across my spot I just   didn't bring my surfboard or anything because I  don't have one anymore so if you want to donate   a long board leave it in the comments and I will  pick it up I want a longboard like 9 ft 8 feet   probably 8 ft if you have a long board like  around 8ft and you want to donate it to me in   the area of San Diego leave it in the comments  down below and I go pick it up because I don't   have a surfboard anymore guys I used to have a  shortboard but I gave it away to a friend because   I I don't like shortboards I like long boards  I like to walk and today's video is sponsored   by kbo electric bikes this is the kbo K2 model and  right here is where you charge it up I am in love   with this pink color guys they have more colors on  their website I was almost getting the blue color   they also have a green white black it's a really  small bag and it's also foldable so it's perfect   for Van life you can put it in any any trunk so  it's really easy to transport so the portability   is something really good about this ebike and  it has five different speeds I really think   it's super fast so I'm only going in the first  speed because I don't like to go too fast but   if you like to go fast definitely this is your  bike if you never had a ebike this is probably   a really good choice I have a special link that  I'm going to leave right here and it's a pretty   affordable ebike so make sure to check it out like  I said there is a lot of different colors tell me   in the comments which one is your favorite it's  actually very lightweight for being an electric   bike like you can see I can like easily you know  move it that's a plus because you don't want to   have a really heavy bike and here is the system  to fold the bike and it basically flips like   this super easy and you can put it in the trunk  of your car in your van underneath your storage   under the bed make sure you check the link Down  Below guys because I think it's a really great   bike and I'm pretty stok that I have my own it is  a gorgeous day dude I am actually going to go for   a bike ride and I'm going to show you the campsite  because it has a lot of amenities and it's pretty   big so I can go for a little ride and have some  fun in this amazing summer day looks like yeah I   want to show you around because this place is  super big it has a little of beach access has showers first time vlogging and riding a bike so I hope  I don't fall off the bike but the first thing I'm   going to show you guys is the bathrooms and the  showers they're really really close to my campsite   so that's awesome cuz I can just go pee really  quick yeah look these are the showers they work   with coins so yeah this is the shower now nothing  fancy it works with some tokens I will maybe take   a shower later and right here we have like a  little sink outside I actually wash some dishes   right here earlier this morning and look at how  many flowers there are here guys this time of the   year is the best because it's almost a spring and  the weather is perfect and there is not that many   tourist around so you can enjoy California and all  the gorgeous flowers that are blooming well let me   show you the rest of the place because it's a lot  so right here what you have is a beach access that   I'm going to show you right now it's very pretty  and it's a shower too an outdoor shower it's free   you don't have to pay for it so yeah right here  is one of the beach access there is some stairs   and it's uh very pretty it's actually a surface  spot there is some surface right now over there   there is not too many waves um so we have an  outdoor shower and it's free and then right   there is the bathroom those are the showers that I  show you my bike look at that cute bird guys it's red oh so gorgeous and I I don't know if you know but this  area is unstable so you got to be careful around   Cliffs every year with a heavy rainfall we have  the clipes collapsing so you got to be careful   around here sometimes so just watch out for the  clips you know what I'm saying but seriously look   at how cute my bike [Music] looks okay I think  now I'm going to show you where is the dumping   station and the water fill the is a little dumping  area so I'm going to show you now we're getting   close to the dump station it's so nice to have a  bike those are some bathrooms back there too more   campsites more campsites I don't want to die it's  a really high risk activity you know plugging and   going with like the bike and stuff oh here it is  this is the dumping station and we're gonna catch   somebody live right now filling up their water  tank so that's the dumping station area hello good   morning well good afternoon it's nice to just you  know ride around with the bike instead with the   skateboard all the time you know what I'm saying  here is the best car of the campsite guys look at   this bug dude it's original from the 70s look  at this gorgeous Car Guys oh my gosh I love it blue but no but no no one knows Neptune  so everybody keep yeah the guys from the   club the guys from the club okay that well  Jose has definitely the cutest car in the   campsite and we just became friends  well guys let's keep showing you the campsite all right so right here we  have some beach access that we're   gonna go in a second there is a lot of  campsites like you can see right here   there's another bathroom and right  here we have another Beach accessed   is nice I need like a little theater  section that's about it for the show America I was just trying to you know watch  the sunset and say something nice guys   but sometimes I look at the Sunset  and I wonder why Philip decided to   commit a suicide and not watch another  Sunset again it is really hard guys to   be happy even when I am in the beautiful  place and everything seem to be good and   everything is supposed to be nice I can stop  thinking why he didn't want to have another sunset it's just really hard to accept that I  just want to share it on the Vlog again because   a lot of people thinks that I am doing good but  I am not doing good my days are always ups and   downs you know guys it's really hard you know and  it's really hard when I have a an audience that   is always watching and is always looking at me and  thinking that oh look she's smiling oh she's doing   great I'm not doing good even when you think  I'm doing good maybe I'm doing good sometimes   but other times I'm not because when you know the  person that you love the most in the world commits   suicide you're going to have a fight inside of  your mind for your whole entire life with the   most perfect sunsets this is when you think the  most about them and you keep asking yourself why   they did did it why they don't want to see another  Sunset anymore I really put myself to sleep crying   every night and if it's not because I miss my  that is because I miss Philip and it's because   I don't understand anything that happened and I  just want you guys to know that because behind   a my smile there's a lot of pain and no I'm  not okay because you see me smiling I'm really   trying hard to keep going I just want to share it  because a lot of people is confused when they see   someone smiling they think that they're happy and  that's not how life works guys you need a reality   check and it was my duty today to tell you that  because you see someone smiling on YouTube for   a 10-minute video doesn't mean that their life  is all figured out and that they don't have any   problems that their economic situation is good  that their mental health is good I just wanted   to bring awareness because I just went through  a lot and I'm still going through it and I would   probably go through it a lot of years ahead I just  wanted to be real with you guys 80% of the people   you guys are watching have a house and I don't  have a house I live in this vehicle fulltime and   I live on the road for literally 10 years so  I'm not like an average vanifer that you see   online I'm actually a real person that actually  lives in a van fulltime and I just just want to   bring awareness that because you see me smiling in  a video of 10 minutes doesn't mean that I'm happy   and that my life is great because my ex-husband  committed suicide not even six months ago my dad   died not even a year and a half ago and I am alone  I am an immigrant and I don't have nothing figure   out so I just wanted to bring that awareness to  you guys because I'm a struggling even though   you see me smiling behind my smile it's a lot of  pain it's just going to take me for whatever to   get over this but I just can't understand why he  wouldn't watch another Sunset why he left me why   so many things I can just watch all the Surfers  right now and think why he's not [Music] there [Music] [Laughter]   [Music] for the right baby who and I got history  are we meant to be or is it all life R between the   lines and this a't it and how it's supposed to  be know you know that I want it but I can feel   your Vibe you keep pulling pushing on me all  this time My Sacrifice but you want it when   you want it it's only when it's right for you I  just got this feeling that I'm in so day I just   got this feeling you going to take and leave  I just got this feeling you don't say what   you mean I just say this feeling but I can't  fight this feeling I Can't Fight This Feeling the banana some dinner and movie night Guess  the movie I absolutely love this movie a screen   right here and then I have the projector up here  connected to my computer because this movie I only   have it on the computer cuz they don't have it in  Amazon or anything like that gu the movie guys I   love this movie it would be nice if I could have  you know somebody I love right here watching the   movie with me but I don't so we're making the  best of it God sorry my pleas let's get some veggies let me tell you that bo bo hey I'm sorry  about that I'm sorry about   that here put these on don't cry in front of the me they won't let you fight like that it's very  frustrating my name's Cliff I'm Rick Dalton stunt double the end the best movie [Music] ever good morning guys unfortunately I  have to switch campsites because it's   uh spring break it was very busy so I  could only have this spot for a night   and then now I'm going to change the spot  I'm going to go to another spot it is not   going to be that good but it's still good  it's still good it's just not going to be   this views every time I put this canvas down  I got to make sure the fabric is not clipped   in [Music] here I'm Fred is gonna ride the bike  all the way to my spot and then walk here and move I just bought some firewood and I'm going  to take it back to the campsite woohoo wish   me luck I hope this is going to stay here I  think it's going to be okay wish me Lu guys   for obvious reasons I'm not going to Vlog  while I'm on the bike so wish me Lu that   that thing doesn't fell off the bike made  it to the campsite and the firewood made it too I'm going to get the fire started one eye open your cuz there's a Time  coming when theil going to come for [Music] you all right I just c a bunch of pie  of cardboard with my little knife I'm   going to put them in there so whenever I  want to start the fire hopefully starts up all right I'm going to start the fire fire is going hopefully goes the I have  some food right here a steak just bed and then   some sausages some peppers some kids playing  I want to be that age again in the sunset I   actually have some friends coming over they're  going to come over really late at night around 8   so I'm starting the fire and then probably they're  going to come and watch a movie with my projector   outside and I have a friend that has a sprinter  van and he's probably going to park it right here   cuz there's more room for more cars you comment  down below if you don't campfires too I love   campfires I wish I could do them every night look  how cute is this thing God damn I love my [Music] little r this town [Music] Walk out got to run  keep on running till the sun goes down out better   r r all day till you can't be found run out got  to run away keep on running till the sun goes down you can the devil but you ain't going  to me doesn't matter he blames me anyway   he thinks I'm lying was my in sh  of the Goddamn money please help me wi the good morning Vlog I'm going to clean up a little  bit so me and my friends had a great   time last night we watch a couple  movies and yeah it was pretty [Music] awesome I think I'm going to keep the poof permanently  in the van so yesterday we spend some great   quality time watching a movie my friend still  here we got to leave the campsite around 12:   uh p.m. so I'm probably going to go  get some breakfast close by with my   bike and then come back and clean up  the campsite and probably head out it   was such a good time last night I really  love spending time with my friends I love him all right guys it's time to  clean up because it's about to   rain and we got to get out of here too so let's go close the ceras good morning asleeping Beauty all right I got some donuts for me and  my friends I already ate one but I   shouldn't eat sugar but I I did this I'm  going to try this one this one is with   cinnamon old fashion sorry vlog I'm eating  sugar I'm eating sugar and a coffee with [Music] milk M so good [Music] yummy yeah the weather  sucks right now I would hate it   if I have to pay and the weather  is like this all today sucks some   place got donuts yeah my friend is  taking off and I'm about to take off [Music] too started to rain yeah we're taking  off I'm out of here guys this was a   long Vlog I hope you enjoyed see you in  the next one around in the street baby   y been doing but it's one thing I know God  always got me through it God always got me   through it and if he get me through it he  can get you through it too that's [Music] l

Channel: Lidia Rico

Views: 31,035

Keywords: van life, lidia rico, how to live in a van, camping on the beach in a camper van, electric bike review, living full time off the grid, a day in the life living in a van, dealing with depression and loneliness while living full-time on the road, solo female van life, traveling solo as a woman, woman living alone after divorce, anxiety and depression after divorce, suicide survivor story, mental health awareness, social media is not real life, westfalia vintage campervan

Id: QBlWbeRCumk

Length: 25min 22sec (1522 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 30 2024