Overcoming Compassion Fatigue, Numbness, and Burnout - Sh. Omar Suleiman | Lecture

dear brothers and sisters we begin with our praise of allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala and we bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped or unconditionally obeyed except for him we bear witness that muhammad sallallahoalyhiwasallam is his final messenger we ask a lot to send his peace and blessings upon him the prophets and messengers that came before him his family and companions that served alongside of him and those that follow in their blessed path until the day of judgment and we ask a lot to make us amongst them Allah I mean the brothers and sisters often when you hear terms like self-care and self-help and emotional burnout they sound very much so like they come out of a self-help book or a five-week program online for 39.99 that'll change your life forever and if you just start doing this or telling yourself this and everything is going to change and it's a growing genre for people to suggest ways out programs to quickly shift our lives and to get us on a path of happiness and fulfillment because this generation is suffering from loneliness depression at rates that are not only alarming but unprecedented suicide rates isolation all of these different things that are growing in our time and a lot of people try to deal with that by going to Google and searching for something to quickly get them on the right path and it's about how do I make myself feel better and then this notion of self-care and sometimes self-care means it's it's it's really just a nice way of saying that I've given too much of myself to everybody else now I'm just gonna do me and so it's going to be a radical shift of perspective and the way that I live my life now I've cared too much about everybody else and no one else has reciprocated I gave too much to life and life did not give back to me I gave too much to my friends but they never gave back to me that way you know what in my marriage I've been the one that's been doing this this this and that and that person has not my spouse is not reciprocated so forget about I'm just gonna do this from now on right so self-care when people start searching for self-care usually it's to turn a page after burned out and because they feel like they've given too much of themselves and now they want to turn that page and so I wanted to start this football off with that because this is a different type of self-care that we're going to talk about today in charlotta we're going to talk about it from the capacity of the sunna particularly in regards to emotional burnout compassion fatigue and being completely overwhelmed by everything that's happening around you to a point that you feel like you have nothing more to spent emotionally Kashmere happens and it's horrible but I just got finished watching a report on philistine the same day Yemen the same day and we have things happening in our border do I even have time to think about the kids that are coming up from Guatemala and El Salvador and Honduras that are getting put in cages and treated worse than animals just a few miles away from me how do I even start to think about these people I only have such a capacity when I'm thinking about the world's problems how do I even direct that capacity and at some point do I just burn out I'm no longer able to cry anymore you know seeing images desensitizes us we see so many of them but at the same time ignoring them is not the solution saying I'm not gonna look at them anymore because they depress me I'm gonna stop reading the news cuz it depresses me you know that that has a certain amount of privilege to it that the prophet sallallaahu RD who has suddam did not afford to us they just say you know I'm gonna turn my back on it because I need to feel better I don't feel good right now I need to enjoy my life and these images are not helping me enjoy my life and so I need to turn my back on it so the idea is how do I build capacity like the prophet sallallaahu Rd was set up to where I could be exposed to so much and still have much to give to all of that or something to give to all of that without depleting myself to where I am ineffective as a constructive person in society and also find myself in a place where I no longer can make any significant strides in my own individual journey to Allah Subhanahu Ahana and in trying to find the best of the hereafter and the best of this life in pursuit of the hereafter as well and so you start off with the prophet sallallahu alayhi wasalam and there is this incredible ability of the prophet sallallaahu I'd ago said him when you look at him and there are so many times that you read about the prophets lights on them and you could actually just come away saying well he's a prophet he was a prophet that he's the prophet the only answer is that you know what I can't do all that I can't serve the Ummah day and night and then come home and still repair my shoes well I couldn't fix it - Matti Athenee the way the Prophet Slice almost described and the fitna of his in the service of his household when he came home can't do all that I can't be Superman outside the house and be Superman inside the house I can't give this to this person and that to that person he's just the Prophet Slice I love how amazing therefore there's no need for me to even strive because that's just him he's just a little lost on a la partie he was so low and it's an enormous capacity how is it that a man on a the salat WA Salam could still have the capacity to care for a bird complaining about its nest when he suffered so much human loss in his own life how do you even have that potential how do you have that capacity to think about a camel being overburdened or a bird complaining or a cat complaining or the animals and all of the rights of these other things when you've suffered such human loss in your life how did that not diminish you to where you couldn't think about those things anymore but the Prophet slice of them still could how do you cry for others and still smile at them despite having buried six of your seven children that's an enormous catastrophe and having lost every body in your life that supported you at some point how do you still smile all the time how do you still cry for other people's pain and not diminish their pain because your pain is so much greater than they're paying you know in our situation we see the catastrophic nature of the world around us we're not going through what they're going through right our struggles are are relatively minor minuscule compared to the types of her horrible things we're constantly seeing all over the right so how does the profit slice and I'm being on the other side of that a man who has gone through so much human loss still have something to give not just to other human beings but to everything around him as well how does the profit slice and there's a different level of capacity to the profits lie sums escaped was prayer and some time there's an unhealthy escape that can take place but the profits items escape in prayer was not one that made him ignorant of everything else around him no one loved his prayer more than the profits place on him right no one no human being could say they had more kosher more focused more humility in awe of a lot in their prayer but guess what when he was leading solo the prophets lie some said I heard a baby crying in the back and I wasn't too busy in my advocate idea I move on and then he sat to hear that baby he heard the baby and the prophets lie some said I sped up my prayer out of feeling for the mother that was probably stressed out over the baby not the muscle lean that want to pounce on the mother of the baby and beat up the father and look around where is he at because the baby was crying in Salah know he felt sad for the mother who was probably more stressed about her baby how do you have that capacity you're in kosher no one enjoys his Salah jory the Quran sorry me fists aloud the coolness of his eyes was Prairie the prophets license Edition Abby hi Evita call us with the prayer prayer was his moment riding his falafel son but he still hears it and it impacted him so it wasn't an escape that made him ignorant of the world around him but it was different he had capacity for this and capacity for that how does the prophets why someone have the capacity to not just love his companions that were around him but whom swanee whom Bobby they're my brothers they're my beloved ones who are they Oh Messenger of Allah novena Amin movie when I'm you're only those who believe in me and they've never even seen me us how do you even have capacity to love us when you've got so much around you but the Prophet slicer I'm actively connecting himself to people that he would never see people that he would never know their names or their stories but still the prophets lie some felt a deep connection to them so that's an enormous capacity and the answer is that yes he is a prophet he's not just any profit one knocks on our catalina enemy the prophets allah allah allah describes him as the following we have not sent you except as a mercy to the world's not even just a mercy to mankind not rahmatan muslimeen not a mercy to the muslims a mercy to all human beings a mercy to all the animals a mercy to the environment a mercy to his past in reviving the best of it and correcting the miss the misdeeds before to his presence in reforming his world to the future and leaving behind guidance that is as pristine and clear as night and day that we can implement real life examples to better our world as well to the future in the ocular with his chappal with his intercession he is Rahman deny Allah mean so he's a mercy to all the worlds now here's the thing he was sent as a mercy to the worlds but he was also sent as was sweatin Hassan as a great example for you for you to adapt whatever you can and so if the prophet Chloe Salim is described as a mercy to the world's the closer we become to resembling a Rama a mercy to everything and everyone around us the closer we become to this to that status and to exemplifying the prophet sallallaahu Hardy who Estella in our old lives the more we resemble Rahim attended al-amin that idea of being a mercy to the world's the closer we get to his example are they his salat WA Salam and to fulfilling our own human potential so yes he had incredible capacity are they his salat was set up something that we could not attain in our own lifetimes but he did leave behind something for us to try to implement and that is that the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam despite exceeding in every single sphere of life still left behind remarkably an example of balance you could take work life worship balance from the life of the Prophet slicin you could take society family lessons and balance from the prophets lesson he still left behind a Sunnah of moderation - because there's still a baseline and every one of those spheres of the prophets license life that we can take from now again I want to focus today on this concept of self-care how do you build that capacity to be able to give so much to everything and everyone around you where do you even get to that point and how do you not suffer from what so many people do which is this level of just burnout where they completely shut off I want anything to do with anybody because you know what I've done I paid my dues I'm retiring from Dawa I'm retiring from the messages retiring from Cigna somebody else take over the stuff I don't want anything to do with the stuff anymore I'm done I'm retiring from trying to be super husband I'm retiring from trying to be a good dad retiring from try to be a good friend I'm sick of it all forget about it it's the world's turn to repay me and to do good by me I've done enough good for the world around me so how do I actually start to get that now first and foremost let's look at the framing because sometimes you got a good start from the beginning from the awesome the framing of why this is important in the first place because it is dramatically different in the Islamic conception than it is in our secular conception today in an era of hyper individualism everything is done everything that you do is so that you can make yourself a happier person meaning you engage acts of charity not to the extent that that charity is needed to support someone else's cause or to get some some other cause over the hump you do enough acts of charity to where you feel good about yourself being a charitable person you don't gauge acts of prayer or devotion or service to where they're required of you or obligatory upon you you do them to the extent that they can fit into this perfect puzzle to make you the most fulfilled and happy person still greed it just has nicer aesthetics it's still self-serving it's just serving the self in a different way using others to serve self not using self to serve others that's not the Islamic conception of it all I don't have to tell you that budget is gonna make you happier and the day for you to do it it's obligatory upon you there's a COS obligatory upon you these things are mandatory basic courtesies these are things that Allah has obligatory made obligatory upon you and it starts from that place and yes from the mercy of Allah is that good deeds make you feel good too they bring about more fulfillment and goodness in life but you got to start from that place not from the place I'm gonna in spirituality and religion only to the extent that I feel better about myself it's not how it works that's why activism becomes very performative let me go take place in this protest and catch a selfie in the protest and say yeah free kiss me kiss me it is still under occupation what's your next step but I feel good about myself because I went and shouted a bunch of slogans about catch me and I'm the LOB rather good for you I'm glad you went to the protest are you making dua for them at night are you trying to think about avenues of way to actually rectify the situation so it's it's you engage things to the just to the extent that I feel good I press share I am woke on social media well well wait a minute start from here the Islamic conception is actually the opposite it's how do I become the most able abbot to allah subhana wa ta'ala and the most beneficial hadn't to the people how do i become the most able servant to allah sleep to a loss of a notes on a worshipper of a lost Prince how do I become the most obedient worshipper the most complete worshiper to Allah and also the most beneficial servant to the people how do I find how do i fulfill self to a point that I can get to a point where I'm doing the best in those regards you see the difference it literally is the complete opposite in the first conception you try to fit others into the pieces that fit yourself and the second conception you try to put yourself in the best place to work for something that's bigger than you and that's the one that a lot on the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam call us to and it speaks to goal it speaks to goal that you involve yourself in goodness not to the extent that it fulfills you but to the extent that it's needed and you try to get yourself to a place that you need to be to be able to do all of that good and to have that capacity to take on those things there's an example that they have in self-care now talking about self care about why you need to take care of yourself to be able to take care of others it's often used they talk about the airplane if any of you have ever been on a plane and they announce the emergency procedures and protocols and you have not already fallen asleep or started to watch a movie or whatever it is they tell you that before you put your oxygen mask on your children put it on yourself first that's not because they want your children to die that's not because they're telling you hey you know this is so you're more important than your children that's not the message here but they're not going to explain the mucks led the objective of that on a plane video what is that for it's because if you don't put it on yourself first in all likelihood you're not gonna get it on your child on time and so you won't be in a place that you're functioning enough to be able to save yourself or the child and so you'll have a bunch of people frantic acting frantic on the plane as opposed to actually trying to do what they need to do is this Islamic yes oh and foo second well eco nama protect yourselves and your families from genom protect your family protect yourselves and your families a honeycomb Noah why does Allah mention yourself first because you cannot prescribe these things on your family and take care of family if you're not taking care of yourself there's a spiritual level of this too by the way you want your children to become a father but you're not even attempting to finishes on them what's the point what are you doing for self so that you could do for your kids too you got to protect yourself and protect your children you've got to take the spiritual necessities for yourself and then embark that upon or impart that upon your children as well embark on that journey together you can't do it for them if you're not doing it for yourself you cannot protect your spouse or and involve your spouse or involve your children and involve your siblings or everyone else around you if you're not doing for yourself so a lot somehow no it's a dimension the conception of this as well doctor - a lie or ëthey that the one who does not give who does not have now your plea he cannot give if you don't have something you can't give it eventually you give give give and you're so depleted that you frustrate the people who now have expectations of you and you deplete yourself in the process - where you no longer have anything and so you burn out and they burn out - and it's a bad situation for everybody same thing with xalapa right you can't give to a point that you ruin yourself Allah does not tell you to give charity and put yourself in debt Allah tells you take care of your debts and give charity get yourself to a place of financial self-sufficiency and give charity as well and your charity is proportional to that because you've got to be in a place to where you can give to others all of these things matter they're all interconnected a loss of the Prophet sallallaahu are you assign up mentions to us balance even in worship in our Deen you don't worship until you exhaust yourself or burn yourself out and there's something very beautiful about this that the prophet sallallaahu taught us to see sleep as our ebody to sleep sleep as part of worship not just as an enabler of worship to see sleep itself as a form of worship why because you're sleeping so you can do better in your wakefulness more authority alongside our we said in nila dusty will know much here in the law can I guess he will comity I seek the reward for my sleep the same way that I seek through a word for my standing up in prayer at nights they're both for Allah I'm sleeping to give myself the energy to do good at night to stand up and to pray at night I have that intention when I go into my sleep that this is to build my capacity to worship allah subhanahu wa'ta'ala it's re bada it's worship it's sooner self care and so how do you equate that done if that's the if that's how you deal with your ebody how do you then equate that to your armor so in worship anything that you do to make yourself more able at worship is worship itself right so then cast that on everything else in life remember the Josie Ahana he said that when you do something that is merely challah to enable you to do something that is man dude which is recommended so when you engage in something that is merely permissible there's no how dominant you do some form of action that is merely permissible so that you can be better at doing something that is good or you can abstain from something that's forbidden so you take up a halal habit or a Hello pastime or a leisure or whatever it is to abstain from something that's forbidden or to get you to a place where you can do more good all right so he said about him all Lots are to do something merely haha for the sake of being able to do more of man dude becomes men dude in and of itself it becomes a reward able act in and of itself when I do quote-unquote self-care for the sake of being better at something else that act itself is rewarded belen the sight of allah subhan over time because i made sure that it complied with hell out with things that are good and permissible and lawful i didn't indulge in forbidden things so that i could get myself to a point where i've got more to give to people because if I'm not taking that time off to mentally refreshed and mostly refresh physically get my place to it so yes your workouts are hella not necessarily all the Instagram videos of you working out but your workouts are hella getting to a place of where you're healthy why am i physically healthy why am i mentally healthy why am i emotionally trying to be healthy so I can give more to my family so I can do more for the community all of that in the capacity of being a better app all of that becomes Sunnah all of that becomes reward able in the sight of Allah subhana wa tada with the right intention it's analogous to sleep and praying at night and notice more eyes did not distinguish between the p.m. and the sleep they are in the same category because Allah Allah is not increased or decreased by the amount of your output a loss of Hannah wada requires of you the best effort and when they're both in the capacity of the effort there both just as rewarding so taking your time out allocating some time to work on yourself physically emotionally mentally taking care of all of that to make you more able to build capacity that in and of itself becomes sudonym the exercise of gratitude so found a lot if you if you go to any one of these things on what's called compassion fatigue you burnout and they talk about people that lose the luster of life and they no longer can see anything all of them all of them include as a core elements literally gratitude exercises one of the loss of Hannah Matata say in the Quran wanna ensure comes from lousy technical if you are grateful I will increase you and Allah did not limit the capacity of what the increase is in so don't limit it yourself Allah did not say if you increase in gratitude a law will increase you in faith Allah did not say if you increase in gratitude a law will increase you add wealth or increase your health Allah left it unlimited because the potential of it is unlimited the potential of the what comes out of a person sitting with themself in a regular and in a regularly prescribed time of the day or the week to think about what they're grateful for and to actually contemplate their blessings what comes out of that is unlimited in its capacity we could argue that's the prophet sallallaahu ideal asylums capacity the secret of his capacity ethic or I'm than shakoora it could stand up and pray at night and pray at night and pray at night and pray at night and do things that other people could not do stand longer than everybody else out worship everybody else but what is it I'm a grateful service I'm just trying to be grateful for all the things that allow the parents out of the stowed upon me when you sit with yourself I'm not talking about you know time did he laugh that quickly now I'm somewhat like actually taking time out and to sit with yourself at night and to say you know what am i grateful for what are the things that I'm grateful for in my life what are the things that that I should be thanked Allah so I know it's out of work if you don't do that you will be miserable always complaining always unhappy always depleted always diminished even if Allah gives you everything they're always gonna be upset always gonna be bitter so you increase your capacity with gratitude at a loss of how to etana made that are limited when we took like when that when they talk about celebrating your wins that as human beings we need to find that we're actually doing something meaningful what did the prophet sallallaahu Hardy who has sometime say that's a kid on the minim a true fish a.i don't belittle good deeds he said sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he does not Kahana to kill assad Kisei are two clans a movement if your good deeds make you happy and your bad deeds make you sad you're a believer that means your heart is alive if when you do something good you feel better and when you do something bad you feel worse that that means there's a man in your heart there's faith in your heart that means your hearts alive that's a good thing that's when you become prideful and boastful over your good deeds then it becomes problematic but we need to feel that as human beings so when people look at every good effort and they diminish it how many times have you seen that people who diminish good efforts actually have an alternative good efforts how many times do naysayers provide an alternative they don't they depress you and they depress themselves Mancala hella can last well I call the Prophet SAW said whoever says people have no hope they've all perish they're done he's the most worthless of them all you make everybody else worthless you make yourself worthless no as people we need to feel like we're making strides so look at your wins look at your victories we just don't become complacent with them or proud as a result of them when they talk about personal boundaries and this idea of protecting yourself the prophets on the law or any one of me had that as well as giving of a person as the prophets lai sallam was to the community around him 1 The Messenger of Allah Salih lorry said I've entered his home that was it it was just him it was just his family and that's why the people would call out to him from beyond the rocks beyond is his doors and asked him to come out and prod him to come out because once he was home he was home so the prophets I some knew how to those boundaries in order to make those things most useful and lastly dear brothers and sisters to come back to this this is not just a prescription for you this is a prescription for everybody around you as well too often we want that self-care and that space for ourselves to be able to build our emotional health and our compassion and I need to get better I need this time for myself but we don't afford the same things to our spouses they need that too they need that feeling of meaningfulness and that that feeling of capacity and refreshment and all of that to brothers and sisters a beautiful narration of our shuttle the Aloha and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam where the Prophet slice of them asked Aisha permission to go pray Thea Merlyn early in the night because he used to are they his saw - Aslam spent a dedicated time with her and the prophets why some would sleep and then he'd wake up and pray with this time he told her he so loved the aloha as soon as he hit the bed he said you know would you give me permission to go and spend some time with my lord I mean I want to start my tea on right away yes permission RT his slot was slow and I shoveled the alarm I responded she said listen I love your companionship but I love what makes you happy somehow NOLA it makes you happy this is good for you this is what's good this is what you need right now - I understand so she told the Prophet slice up to go ahead and she said this was the most amazing thing I ever saw of the prophet sallallaahu Hardy was telling when she was asked the most a GE thing the most amazing she ever said she said his whole life was a job was was wonderous but this night he stood up and he prayed the entire night reciting in Nephi hunt is Sumati when our bhakti laughing lady when the hard work will kill a teacher jelly-filled battery million peridots the long I am certain Bach are about contemplating on the heavens and the earth and he cried and cried and cried and cried but look at the pretext to that the prophets Fieseler showed consideration like look this is your time and I shall deal are not prioritized said I know you need this I know you need this now brothers and sisters it'd be good for us to need more cleome in our lives but if your spouse is not having that time and having that moment then it's gonna be a depletion for them and depletion for you and depletion in the whole household you've got to negotiate that with each other and show that consideration for each other your leaders and will I I'm not talking about myself all right why do we beat up our Imams and not you know give them that time that they need for themselves they have families too your volunteers that your massages that get abused they need their spiritual time as well your volunteers and your organization's people you need to give people that chance to be able to grow and that's to the benefit of the community because everyone has to have the capacity so we ask a lot to make us more complete as a bad of him slaves and worshippers of him and more complete as a Haddon as servants to his creation we ask Allah speranza to accept it all and to protect us from burnout and to protect us from isolation and to allow the best of our deeds to be reserved for the last of our days and the best of our days to be the day that we meet him some hard wa'ta'ala with those deeds qualified for his mercy allotment I mean a Kula kolyada Mustafa I welcome any sadness leave the stuff fill in the hole for wine you

Channel: Yaqeen Institute

Views: 115,646

Rating: 4.939394 out of 5

Keywords: yaqeen institute, islamic research, self care, burnout

Id: kmdmuPPqpkE

Length: 30min 16sec (1816 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 05 2019