Openness Vs Receptivity- Dr.Malinoski

hello everyone welcome back to our series on mental health and spirituality with dr peter malinowski dr malinowski do you want to explain who you are okay i'm a clinical psychologist in private practice in indianapolis indiana i've been i've been a psychologist for 19 years i'm also one of the co-founders along with dr jerry crete of souls and hearts at soulsandhearts.com which is our online website that is an outreach in psychology and catholicism to to the broader community so it's really for those catholics committed catholics that are really interested in grounding the practice of psychology psychological understanding in a catholic worldview so well great and today we're going to talk about receptivity and openness when i hear those two words they seem pretty synonymous but in your eyes you have really specific definitions i have specific definitions it's great that we start with definitions because because sometimes they are used synonymously we're sloppy with language a lot of times in english um and so i wanna i wanna emphasize openness as being in the natural realm and receptivity in the spiritual realm so these are the ways that i'm defining them so in the natural realm we have we have openness and openness is considered one of the big five personality traits when you do factor analytic studies and you kind of take a look at how do we assess personality openness comes out as one of the the big five and the other ones are neuroticism extroversion um agreeableness and conscientiousness and so openness in the natural realm when psychologists talk about it and this is the way that i talk about it uh when we're talking about the natural realm you know open individuals individuals that are open are curious about both their inner and outer worlds right they have experientially rich lives they like different experiences compared to closed individuals they're also less conventional right they're willing to question authority they're prepared to consider new ethical social and political ideas that kind of thing so um so that's openness right it's it's this willingness to entertain new ideas to consider new values to look at things from different perspectives yeah that kind of honestly when you're saying that describing that that just sounds like my personality but so are you saying so that's like a natural personality like a thing of the brain but that is not necessarily related to the spiritual realm um no it is related it's just when i when you think about what it means to be open in the in the spiritual realm as catholics there's a whole different realm that you get into and so i don't like the word just openness i like the word receptivity because receptivity involves this taking in this you know this this taking in of grace for example or of relationship or of love right openness sounds a little bit more like your window shopping right and so open individuals right can it can can entertain all these ideas but they can kind of be like the uh the greeks that paul was working with these are interesting ideas you must come back and tell us more about it someday right it doesn't actually stick right it can be shallow soil so one of the advantages of being closed and this is this is a maybe a little surprising because people say well to be open is to better be it's better than to be closed well psychologists don't always look at it like that closed individuals are more tenacious about holding on to the particular values for example that they think are important they're more they're more um they're more likely to hold on to particular ideas right and that's going to be important when uh you need to be steadfast in something right so so there's advantages to being open and there's advantages to being closed uh on the natural realm when we're talking about receptivity to grace though um there's there's advantages to being receptive as opposed to not receptive right so um so that's another difference right it sounds like you're talking about with openness you're just open to a lot of different ideas and it doesn't necessarily mean that any of those ideas are good or bad you're just open to a lot of them and you're just looking and window shopping and it's not and you may not even grab any of those things you may not even buy any of those things from the windows you're just like looking even it's possible right right so the receptivity is not like linked to an open or closed person but receptivity is linked to is this being received is this great is this information being received yeah is it actually soaking into the noggin am i tolerating being loved and we got to do we got to do a um we got to do a whole another show on tolerating because that's a whole topic on its own um in fact we got that in the lineup but um but yeah it's about are we are we willing to take in and hold right because otherwise we you know otherwise it does like i said it doesn't stick so some people pride themselves on being open to everything and committed to nothing right i had i had a one of my dorm mates in college was very much like that we wanted to hold on to all religions but didn't want to commit to any of them right so so um so that's that's a significant that's a significant difference so this openness on the natural realm it depends on the context as to whether it's whether it's positive or not right um openness in the spiritual realm this receptivity we want to be uh in that receptive position in relationship with god in relationship with our mother mary great so can you practically describe what that might look like when you are being receptive with god receptive with mary and maybe can you describe what it would look like for just not being receptive sure sure so so one of the things that i'm a big fan of is uh trying new things in prayer right um to to to because we're not gonna pray the same way at every point in our spiritual journey right so one of the things that would that would indicate a sense of receptivity is a a willingness to go with something that you know that you might be inclined to or trying something that your confessor gives you as a penance right instead of saying ah i don't really want to do that can you give me a different one you know like like stretching ourselves in relationship and that's the key thing it's not just about accumulating a huge library and reading a lot of books it's about receptivity in relationship am i listening to god am i trusting that god will communicate with me in a way that i'll understand am i am do i have confidence that if i try something and it's not really the right thing that he'll correct me that if i'm one of the one of the sheep that strays off because i'm trying something new will god you know actually come and find me right so one of the things that you need for this receptivity is this confidence in god this this childlike trust child children are really open right they're really receptive they will if they're raised in a reasonably good environment they'll be open to a lot of different things they've got this natural curiosity you know this this desire this interest and when jesus says you know let the little children come to me and do not hinder them part of it is that sense of wonder it's that sense of awe it's that sense of curiosity it's that sense of openness receptivity that he's looking for in us yeah and i just remember and i want you guys to remember too when when i was a child and my mom and dad were taking me to like different trips or vacations or different little adventures i was just so excited there is no worry not a worry in the world that could we afford this is this safe that was not on my mind at all because i just totally trusted my mom and dad to take care of all that it just wasn't even a question i just had full trust that they were gonna do that but it seems like i know in my life when i've grown up when i've gone through college when i've been out in the working world and i start to have to take on more responsibilities it has put me into a state where it's hard for me to go back to that childlike trust and i know god is calling me calling all of us to be more childlike but it sounds like that this hits right into that and in a way there's risk and vulnerability there but maybe it comes down to how are we going to react to that risk are we just going to respond negatively or are we going to respond with that positive trust that you're talking about so much of the faith is experiential right because what what are we called to we're called to relationship right that's an experienced thing it's not just in the mind it's also in the heart right it's also in the body right it's in the soul so it's it's it's it's we've got to be able to have this openness not just in the mind but also in the heart which is which is often the hardest for people right to be open emotionally because of why because of the wounds right there's been different ways that people have betrayed us or disappointed us we've all got attachment related injuries relational relational wounds and so it's a deliberate act of the will to be receptive openness as a personality trait you know that's that's okay that's sort of what your natural dispositions are it can be changed personality traits can actually change um but um but yeah i mean temperamentally that some people are just more open than others right i had one of my sons when he was a baby didn't like new things you know he he wanted the temperature to be to be between 68 and 72 degrees and you know and no sun he didn't like the sun right and you know he wasn't open you know as a baby these things and he grew much more open i mean he's he's you know much much more open now um but you know so temperament plays a role in this our upbringing plays a role in this but what i'm really focused on is what do we do with our will right are we going to say yes and so the example of receptivity the quintessential example of residuality in the faith is our ladies fiat right she wasn't expecting the angel gabriel to appear to her and and offer her to be the mother of the savior of mankind you know she was but she was receptive she asked some questions she wanted to know what she was getting into which is a remarkable thing you'll have you have this this 14 year old um this 14 year old woman challenging an angel right you know explain yourself what's going on here um and she says yes at the end be it done right doesn't know all the implications doesn't understand you know there's going to be a flight to egypt doesn't understand that you know she knows that that a sword is going to pierce her heart after the presentation but she doesn't understand all the implications of this so that's the kind of receptivity and openness that god would like to find in us yeah it sounds to me when you just bring this language and this these definitions and when i think about mary's fiat it's really occurring to me that she didn't say yes because it would be this very good plan for humanity necessarily which it was and that was probably a part of it but it seems like most of her yes and most of her trust came because of who the ass was coming from it was coming from her god who she loved so much who she trusted so much and just knew that he was going to take care of everything and really the specifics of the ask it really was never going to stop her and we know now in hindsight that was probably the greatest decision anyone's ever done so it's a good call by mary but she trusted and she didn't get caught up in the details i mean she asked some like i would say prudent questions of the angels questions yes no good questions but she didn't get caught up in it because of who was asking this of her that's right and it goes back to like what you were saying right in the in the trip with your parents you're not worried about whether you've got enough gas to get to the next the next town right that's in the hands of your parents they're they're responsible for that so so we really want to um we really want to be open we and on a natural level and closed when we need to be we want to be you know kind of both there's a both and there receptivity on the spiritual level though that's really really important so what gets in the way fear shame anger sometimes a lot of it is distorted god images right one of the one of the wonderful things about our lady uh as a function of her uh immaculate conception this is my belief as a catholic psychologist is that she did not have distortions in her god image right that doesn't mean she understood god perfectly because the finite cannot understand god perfectly no no finite creature can you briefly describe what a god image is for so what god image is god image is how we feel god to be in our bones it's our sort of emotional reaction to god it's our subjective understanding of who god is this this is like our this is like our our gut sense of who god is so if we're having a really bad day and we just got off of work it's been a really rough day we're just looking forward to going home eating our macaroni and cheese you know going to bed and somebody sideswipes us and crushes you know the two passenger side doors of our car and the left quarter panels all tip ripped up we can say see god god is like this right that in that moment that's not that god image is not conforming with our god concept which is um which is who we profess god to be that's with our intellect and our will that's who we profess god to be so we have these distorted images of god that are operative that have to do with kind of the relational history the attachment histories that we've had and so those also make it difficult if you believe that god doesn't really love you um it makes it hard to be open to god right so but here's the trick is that you won't know it in your bones until you have the experience and god's not going to intrude he needs to be asked he needs to be invited in which is why receptivity is so important some people say well when god shows me who he really is you know then then i'll believe you know sort of like st thomas right you know um but god is not going to violate your freedom to choose and so you know this is not when we're in this life every knee does not bend in this life because we have the freedom to to receive god's love or not um and unfortunately many people i'll be real honest with you i would say many people many many people do not receive god's love um that's that's implicit in matthew 7 14. yeah so i feel like with myself and many people that i meet and many people watching this video right now are not receiving god's love but they don't even know they don't even know that there's love that they're missing out they don't even know that they should be receptive to god's love and how life could be different when we go out onto college campuses and to our parishes to our family members to our friends so many of them have no idea just not even intellectually they just probably have read books and they just know conceptually oh yeah god loves me yep ed heaven is a thing yep got it but that experiential uh god image that you're subscribing here that experiential receptivity is just not there no one has shown them no one has guided them that this is a thing and also in our own lives if we want to be able to spread this to other people we also have to participate and be more receptive to god we have to participate in letting him love us and letting that overflow onto other people we really are just skipping steps crucial steps if we don't let work on that relationship with god if we really want to help other people to experience it and frankly in my experience when i'm living out my relationship with god other people see that without me even worried and they attracted to that and they want that and they're like what does he have that i don't and that gets them curious um so the main question i have here to end things dr malinowski is what can we do practically to help ourselves in growing in this area and growing in receptivity to god well i've got a bunch of suggestions um so i do i do a podcast and um called the coronavirus crisis carpe diem if you go to um soulsandhearts.com you'll find it there it's also on apple and spotify and google play and places like that but episodes let's see 33 and 34 are all about openness and receptivity and they're each about 40 minutes long so much longer than what we're doing today there's going to a lot more detail a lot more detail about that um but i was wondering if you would be interested in having us do a brief experiential exercise right now around what gets in the way of receptivity yeah what gets in the way you wanna do it okay jump in so i'm gonna so if you happen to be like um listening to this while you're driving or something all right just use some prudence right this is a good thing it's only gonna take about three four minutes but i'm i'm gonna invite you to and what we're going to be doing here is we're not actually going to be looking at receptivity uh itself we're going to look at what gets in the way of it right so this is an exercise to help you understand what your particular blocks are to being more receptive to uh to the love of god to god's to god's action in your life and so we're gonna talk about um connecting with yourself right in the last show we did we talked about loneliness versus alienation and now we're going to be doing a little exercise here for you to connect with yourself and i'm going to invite you to just ask this question and then listen to the answer it's not about thinking about it it's not about analyzing it it's not about turning it over in your mind it's about asking the question and then listening to some part of you respond right spontaneously naturally right so i'm gonna ask you to to get into a position here where you're where you're open to the grace is coming down we're getting into a position where we're gonna we're gonna be focused on loving ourselves through understanding ourselves and specifically in understanding and listening to and accepting what keeps us from being more open to god you might be surprised by the answers that come up when you create a space for this right so so we're going to just take a minute here take a couple of breaths deep slow breaths because that helps us to calm down to help us be more relaxed it kind of clues us in that things are safe this is okay we're not actually going to be going very far with this it's only a brief exercise but we are going to invite whatever part of you that is resistant to letting god in to tell you why to tell you about that to share with you why i'm afraid to let god in might be in the form of a word or a memory or an image a sound however that part wants to communicate it with you whatever is in your history that gets in the way of that receiving god into your heart into your soul into your mind into your body and you might not get a clear message and that's okay you might be surprised at what you've already what you've heard already and that's okay these parts are trying to protect you when they're trying to keep god out because they don't know who god really is there's these this is confusion so we don't want to overrun them or overpower them but we want to rather love them care for them and help them understand and we do that by really listening first so just check in if you have made connections or contact with a part of yourself that has trouble with the whole idea of relating with god letting god in see if there's anything else that that part wants to tell you or to share with you or to show you and then thank that part for being willing to connect with you you don't have to necessarily agree with that part's ideas or with its course of action acceptance of that part and understanding where it at where it is doesn't mean that you endorse it but it helps to reduce the disconnects inside of you help you be more integrated and better able to move forward make decisions in your life of prayer in your way of um and in your way of relating with god and now you can have if you've gotten some ideas you've gotten some ideas of what's holding it back it's now you're better equipped to actually take that to our lady take that to your guardian angel or to take that to god himself well that was great yeah and is this this up on youtube people can comment if they want right is there a place you know if you feel comfortable yeah yeah um and uh i'll try to figure out you'll send me a link i'll try to figure out like if there are comments i may be able to get over here and respond to some of them as well so yeah absolutely so if you like that kind of thing if you really resonate with that kind of exercise which is really short we do all kinds of stuff like that with the coronavirus crisis carpe diem podcast and especially with the resilient catholics carpe diem community which is a community of faithful catholics that are really invested in psychological growth in the natural realm and spiritual growth we're working together to uh to overcome psychological obstacles to being able to take god's love in and to being able to love god and neighbor in return so if you're if that floats your boat come and check that out as well it's at soulsandhearts.com yeah and we'll link to those podcast episodes that dive deeper into this topic much deeper than we went to if this really resonated with you please go and see and listen to dr malinowski's resources it will help you out a lot and please just like the three minute exercise we did just now i know it helped me just now continue to do these things continuing to get to know yourself more and frankly this gives you really good stuff to bring to god in prayer and just become more integrated as dr malanowski said i'd like to do a whole course sometime i haven't got it done yet but i'd love to do a whole course sometime on the examination of conscience that's psychologically informed there's so much that we can learn about the examination of conscience from saint ignatius of loyola uh the particular examination of constitutional examination of conscience but when you bring in psychologically informed ways of connecting within becomes really really powerful and it brings a whole new dimension into it so that's so great well dr manowski thank you so much for taking the time for this video and remember everyone to go to his resources uh to get much more detail this is really just like a sampler for you yeah yeah but it's great to be able to do it it's great to be able to be with you trevor on this and it's great to be able to reach out to the audience too post your questions in the in the comment box i'll i'll come over i'll answer a bunch of them so perfect well everyone thank you so much for listening and we'll see you next time

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Length: 24min 52sec (1492 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 21 2021