oddly specific signs

For the Love of All That's holy what are you warning us against um preeminent disintegration what does that mean nobody knows it's fine I wouldn't really worry too much about it I don't think it's going to concern you or I this is delicious this is suspicious no no no no no no no no no you are incorrect if I see someone carrying a 4ft party sub over their shoulder as though it were a rocket propelled recoil rifle whatever you want to call it that's a lot more suspicious than someone who actually has the weapon I don't know what they're hiding in that sandwich I don't know why they're holding it like that it just spells out what the hell are you doing but if someone has the giant rocket launcher I know exactly what they're doing they're prepping for Danger bubble te company needs a better translator I'm bubble tea suck my balls no they do not need a better translator that is as good as it needs to be I'm telling you now that's it you're good beware of 600 lb females okay what like species though are we talking human females manatees deer squid bah everyone must have a fruit or vegetable No Cap it's none of our business if you eat it or not but it must be on your trays don't hate the players hate the game thanks fam you're busing lunch crew I that's the type of [ __ ] I think is hilarious I love this sort of thing so much when someone tries to use lingo they don't don't understand in a clearly funny way I think they kind of used it correct but it's just weird and out of place however what I really don't like about this is the well you don't have to eat it just take it and waste it then that is really godamn stupid if you know the kids aren't necessarily going to eat an apple or a carrot or whatever don't force them to take it because that is just an explicit waste of food don't be fooled Ural cakes are not real cakes H I don't think you're telling me the truth right now I do believe believe that you are lying I've had them before they're delightful unattended children will be given an energy drink and taught to swear what about two energy drinks and maybe a deep fried apple pie from 80s McDonald's they'd still be good at this point okay and maybe they'd still be a little hot you know you know hm I'll have chips with uh no chips please what fish and chips uh without chips with chip I'm sorry if I'm ordering fish and chips I want both I want the fish I want the chips and that's all there is to it dude that is it what did ew ew it's just disgusting you you don't bring me that sh without my fries you got it also hold on a second let me look at the rest of this really quick here so without chips we have steak and kidney pie chicken burger in bun vegetable burger cheese what huh what does that look like just cheese stay in school kid yeah please do please stay in school uh you have to carry the world on your shoulders because people like myself are far too dumb and yeah clear ants clear ants at a reduced price dude couldn't remember how to spell it despite the signs being right there and decided to just go n screw it at a reduced price thank you we appreciate you we salute you in case of emergency hurl your enormous penis out the nearest window and climb to safety I'll be real I don't have an enormous penis to fling out of the nearest window so what do I do in an emergency fling my tiny one cuz I don't think that that's going to work I need the big one to reach the ladder don't I mine is certainly not getting anywhere near there I'm confused a car powered on freerange chickens and designed by a team of handpicked potatoes experienc driving on mushrooms and Coke oh this one's masterful a masterful shop job if I do say so myself sir touching wires causes instant death $200 fine dude okay you want to know how old this is the first time I saw this image I must have been in the ninth grade high school come on holy crap this is ancient stuff I love it beware of falling deer leopards can seal their unfinished food in the tops of trees holy crap this one actually has a date on it 2011 oh woohoo that's wow all right anyway I I don't think that that's true though that makes sense actually we are short staffed please be patient with the staff that did show up there is a demon in the fridge no one wants to work anymore well look if there's a demon in the fridge why should anybody want to work are you going to get rid of the demon or are you expecting your lowly paid employees to deal with it on their own cuz that's not cool what the hell is hold on it's so tiny is that a Triceratops I did not know that you were allowed to ride those anywhere Color Me impressed emergency phone not installed do not have an emergency at this location thank God for cell phones am I right that wasn't a joke just thank God for cell phones or if you don't want to thank God you can thank someone else it doesn't really matter to me let's thank Damen for cell phones please leave the bathroom the way you would like to find it thank you no laughing at other people's farts no I'm sorry that's going to happen I that is absolutely going to happen I have never ever not laugh I'm kidding I'm kidding I'm not that type of person I there might have been a couple times where something like came out of me but you know the moment that happens is the moment everyone breaks and all right cool we can all laugh now please don't park too close I'm fat same okay fine maybe not that much people do got to stop parking so close though I broke my toilet a few times this year so my roommate got a text from our landlord framed oh God damn it not calling the plumber again please consider adding some Fiber to your diet or something what how's that supposed to help the toilet not break I thought adding fiber to your diet would you know make your um uh excretions more solid is that not how that works am I incorrect there proceed with caution no do not touch if you are not a fly please do not trigger the fly traps as this will cause them to digest themselves and eventually die if you are a fly please ignore this message but proceed with caution man it's one of the rarest plants in the world can people not with them please they're so cool yay for record profits effective immediately all staff must leave their cell phones on and make themselves available when not on shift consider yourself on call you must answer calls from Gary and if you are ever asked to cover a shift you must do so without complaints this is not optional we all need to work together to help the company succeed let's set some record profits this quarter go team Absolut abolutely godamn not my phone you know what I'll just cancel my cell service oops don't have a cell phone I mean look technically it's on I just don't have service anymore and you didn't require me to have cellular service fear god zilla I'm not scared of Godzilla the most honest product description ever written all right $1.95 each we honestly don't really know what these are they make a funny noise and are good for killing 5 minutes but other than that we're at a loss we didn't even order them we receive a package of them every other month with no return address we contacted the postal service and they have no record of these packages what okay please buy them we want them gone we don't know what's going on we have thousands of them help look if you really want to get rid of them why are they $2 each I know I like I know I get it if you're not paying for them though and they're arriving in Mass maybe make them like 50 no joke make them like0 50 cents you'll probably sell a lot more and you're making money on them either way no matter what you do no horses allowed in bathrooms anyone found washing a horse in this bathroom will be charged cleaning costs oh no not cleaning costs well wait if they're already washing the horse they could just wash the bathroom themselves right looks like a unicorn shart after a heavy night of reffed beans what what is what do you no it doesn't do not hump or rough handle sensitive equipment impact recorder installed do not hump or rough handle I mean hump wasn't the first thing that came to mind with whatever this was a grandma made these before she passed away to be given out at her funeral what a godamn icon let's keep in touch if this is indeed real and I suspect that it is I mean why wouldn't it be that's awesome I hope to have a sense of humor and make people giggle one more time after I'm gone too hot to keep changing sign sin bad Jesus good details inside Sinbad what does Sinbad have to do with Jesus or anything really lost set of house keys and car keys if found please return to 520 heavner Avenue hner Avenue 30329 I usually get home after 5:00 p.m. 36 * 36 = 1,296 so as a kid I randomly chose to solve this I'm 26 now and I still had this in my head it just stuck randomly if you ask me this I can answer it in less than a second but ask me two * two and I hesitate a few seconds it's just oddly specific to me that a random math problem stuck with me excuses for the bad English it's my second tongue well thank you for sharing and yeah we all have a weird thing that's randomly committed to our memories I think please do not eat in the library the mice will get in and learn to read and get too smart the knowledge is power but power corrupts so they'll turn evil and take over the world America is the best country in the nation well okay I don't know about all that we still think that the mice are a big problem and they're going to get smarter and rise up against us do not taunt the octopus okay I won't fine go around it's 43 years old and shaped like a damn brick P.S horn broken watch for finger what no old lady if I catch you in the act of putting your dog's crap in AR cans I will cut off your head and bolt it to the hood of my car I think that's the sort of thing that can get you in trouble I don't know if you could you could say things like that I don't think you could do that this is a crosswalk okay this is a sign this is a poll no this is Patrick I knew it I knew it was coming and yet it still annoyed me and I still get upset washed Inside Out removed child before washing would have been a lot funnier if this was actually on a tag on a shirt or something like that but no it's just a picture with a weird overlay why does it look like this you know what thank God you said it though I guarantee you there are some people that have probably forgotten for the last time the seagulls don't work for us once the food is give it to you if a seagull take it from you will be no refunds the seagulls don't work for us sorry for the inconvenience okay now the fact that that sign has to be put up is quite pathetic on the customer's part if you buy food and you let a seagull or anything take it and you have the balls to go ask for a refund screw yourself do not put soap in lock fail did someone put soap in the lock or is this sign supposed to be a fail inherently I'm misunderstanding also how the hell am I supposed to put it in there anyway how's my son's drawing good enough for art classes or just send him to trade school help us decide Rock hitting bald I mean if he keeps going o buddy I mean that's already uh 10,000 times better than anything I've ever done so you know what I say believe in him speed limit 15 and 3/4 yep you know what every time I see a really weird speed limit sign I'm just reminded of that same image of a sign in my hometown that says 12 and miles hour I don't know why they did that all right McDonald's what you got we sell crispy chicken sandwiches on Sundays our ice cream machines are always working is that true is that true Chick-fil-A I don't really like Chick-fil-A anyway it's incredibly expensive and kind of bland and boring it's okay not to say that McDonald's is any better McDonald's just sucks but I digress attention toilet only for disabled elderly pregnant children thank you for shopping with us damn I don't any of those I'm not disabled elderly pregnant or a children what am I supposed to do yeah you know what I'll just piss myself I do it every day anyway on a post on a unisub about keeping Turtle as a pet I believe you are allowed small caged pets it's not like a 100-year-old African tortoise weighing 200 lb Named Dave who likes to go for long Moon lit walks right oddly specific about the name the name is what is oddly specific to you the name not the 100-year-old African taurise who weighs [ __ ] 200 lb and likes to go for long moonlit walks but Dave is where you drew this line what what do vegans taste like I think they would taste like a Rubbermaid Commercial FG 29630 gray 10 and 1/2 in diameter 10 and 1/4 in height gray brute high density polyethylene round bucket 9.46 L thank you for uh at a certain point when does oddly specific become so Random or I am very random cuz what the hell are you talking about doesn't even make any sense when answering that question Beyond this point you may encounter nude sunbathers eating waffles so people living their best lives oh no I'm meeting people in Bliss please try to walk without walking no no no I totally understand at one I get and if you don't maybe it's just not your time what you get for stealing watermelon attention if you stole a watermelon from building 7 you need to contact a Poison Control Center immediately it was a biology project and has been injected with the urine of rats on steroids hence it's deformity what the hell did you do that for a science project for for real what in the hell kind of science project is that let's take a water melon and inject it with steroid infused rat piss what are you trying to figure out where do I find this when you forgot to double check autoc correct when making a sign waa I feel like I'm on [ __ ] Facebook beware of Zeb Zeb warning Zeb throws objects please beware his aim is accurate oh he's flinging [ __ ]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 264,455

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: s5NSwoYMSiM

Length: 14min 41sec (881 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 29 2024