Obsessive Compulsive: My Mum Is A Hoarder (Mental Health Documentary) | Real Stories

are these new Oh always acquiring never discarding vassula is a hoarder don't care if it's falling apart daughter Jasmine has had a lifelong struggle with Vasilis condition author in my life I felt like my mum and stuff was more important than me I tried to make her choose and she couldn't choose because it was not a choice it was purely a compulsion that she couldn't control but Jasmine's finally persuaded her mum to try and clear the house for good help me I'm playing with it yeah yeah my mum is an amazing mum she's nothing caring she's interested in what we do and you know she's a fantastic mum she's just rubbish at housework [Music] [Applause] Jazmin grew up in this house where her mother for Sula still lives the first room we come to is the not living room not a lot of space it's a nice open fireplace but we can't see it there's pretty things and there's all sorts of useful things that are of no use the first things that I collected were tiny dolls house things that were found in derelict houses that had been bombed during the war in London I was about 5 or 6 and they were precious and I kept them in a box but I didn't keep them in the house I kept them in the coal bunker the sudden death of azula's father when she was just three meant an unsettled childhood as the family moved between their native Cyprus and England each time we moved from one country to another there were lots of things that we couldn't take so they'd be lost and I don't know if that contributed to hoarding but it's possible that you know losing your precious little toys when you're a child means that you feel vulnerable that you going to have things taken from you the cook is here and the thing is here is full of stuff when I have to cook I just have to move everything off of some surface in order to cook or just cut things up in the air and in the pan the Sooners daughter Jasmine is a television presenter who finds beautiful homes for people to live in I'd like to vacuum everything I vacuum the chairs I vacuum the sofas the kitchen worktops Jasmine spent many years trying to get vassula to clear the house with little success as a child it's impossible to cope with that kind of situation you just feel ashamed and embarrassed you know you can't have friends over I wanted to keep it a secret and also when people had come round you know people might make comments or you know might say you know why don't you just tidy up and we had always tried to tidy up and had always tried to throw things out and that still happens to this day so well why don't you just clear out why don't you just throw everything away because it doesn't work which do you think we haven't tried that before this is the only bath there's another loo that upstairs but there's no other bath the room that was originally my own room is through there I've slept in whatever space has been available I've either slept on the floor on a mattress in the doorway I had a mattress that came out from that room to here that's Julie these bits and pieces I don't like other people touching my things because I feel that especially some things are quite fragile night and I feel are they going to be careful with or are they going to break it and then say oh it was already broken or are they going to take it I think this is all gonna fall down uni stay really nobody understands this disease you can't understand it unless you're living it unless it is your reality I can't understand it I still don't understand it but I accept it because I know that if my mom had a choice she wouldn't want to live like this vassula brought up her five children in the house 13 year old son Cameron still lives at home but this hasn't always been the case we had a situation where mum was told that this environment was not safe for a child to live in and he went to live with my sister it was quite a long time it was couple of years and then Cameron wanted to move back home not even Cameron's room is safe from pursuers hoarding his space has been encroached upon more and more by me and now he's got to the point where he's be glad and he needs a space to to grow and thrive for always financial times from 2010 that's Cameron I'll ask him what he wants out of it now Cameron's back home jasmine has convinced fasulo to clear the house for his sake you're gonna want a copy with Financial Times well mom asked me to ask you so a mother I don't want him to have to go through his teenage years experiencing the same kind of things I did I think I only really became aware that my mum was a hoarder and it wasn't just being messy only a couple of years ago really recently considering that I've lived in that kind of situation for most of my life jasmine has struggled to get effective treatment for her mum but is now hopeful that a team of psychologists who are studying hoarding may be able to help I'm hoping the doctor that were meeting today he's got like a magic key or something they can unhook the problem and that can set mom free from it that's all I really want hoarding is currently considered a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder but dr. Manoj Coles believes it's a condition in its own right the hope is that the research we are in others are doing is that this will be recognized as an official disorder and this will trigger a lot of investment and research and development of better treatments for this condition dr. Manoj Cole's and his colleague have come to assess vassula [Music] would you perhaps want to tell us what's the story behind any any of those items perhaps one of these figurines [Music] the Eiffel Tower well I have been to the Eiffel Tower but I didn't get this there I got this in a charity shop for next to nothing because you can't afford to buy them in in France in Paris and I've got several French friends that it kind of reminds me of one of the rooms passed away last year and it kind of reminds me of him as well my friends been cremated so there's no nowhere to kind of know burial place where you can imagine you can talk to them this would be very difficult to get rid of as well it came from my mother's kitchen and that we made it into a necklace for a fancy dress and if I had to get rid of it I would just be you know remembering my mum I would also like to ask you whether there is new stuff coming into the house all the time yes but I'm resisting a lot as well it's a very secretive problem auntie I really feel I would like to deal with it [Music] is there anything that family members any tools that that I could use say something to help like tap into what she's thinking or to break this sort of attachment or anything the reason a lot in terms of treatment options in this country or anywhere in the world actually just simply because there is what it does not officially exist once this already exists then things should change a lot for the better I really want to take this on board and help my improve my life help myself to have a better home in a better life and for my children as well is what was very hard to hear is that there's very little help for people even though you know someone's got this problem I'm just looking for answers and there aren't any outlook nobody knows the answer [Music] with very little treatment available it's left to Jasmine and her siblings to confront their mum's problem head-on my room the only room where was faced in my bedroom we wanted to start the process a million times before but this is the first time she's ever seemed to be ready so I think you know well you gotta strike while the iron's hot you know we're all here do anything we can to help you I was thinking today it wouldn't be so bad if the house burns down and everything was gone then I'll start again but in a way you know it doesn't have to burn down to be all gone it can be all gone three choice so your own choice I think that would be better I mean I'm sure we've all thought about burning the house down [Music] in the box if they like making heaven over the next two months jasmine and vassula are hoping to clear the whole living room kitchen bathroom and two bedrooms it's really hard for me to get rid of anything any of this stuff that I want to it's just hard to do it so what are you sorting stuff I'm sorting resourcing by the look of it I've handled all these once and I've decided I don't know what with virtually no space in the house to sort through things jasmine has rented some storage nearby we've tried throwing everything out for and I can't throw stuff away that belongs to mum because she would just feel violated and she would want to replace it immediately so it's totally counterproductive the way we have to let go of possessions is that mum has to work through every single item and she has to have control of it you collect something like I'm hoping that I can keep everything I want to keep and still have a tidy and livable house so I'm so you don't think you've got too much stuff that's not what I said you're trying to put words in my mouth I thought it sounds to me like you're almost backing out and now changing your mind no backing out I'm tired I want to keep everything I'm just saying I want to keep everything the problem is that the hallway is just one part of the house yeah and I might want to keep going two percent of what's in the hallway but it doesn't mean I want to keep 90 percent of what's in the bedroom [Music] the heaviest rally in the world cell hey I would like to keep my recipe books all of them and this one maybe not only how many of you got by about five thousand right I think I'd like to keep the biology book too because it's really cool have a look at the ratio me oh [Music] sorry it's depressing really cuz you know just know that she wants to keep most things and we carry on going at this rate I'll be a hundred and thirty five by the time the house is clear it's a pound apiece all right because they're too nice to sell for 50p after two weeks of sorting the Sula has agreed to let go of a car boot full of possessions she's prepared to sell more Christmas card Christmas cards in April I'm selecting some Christmas cards must say before they sell them all Jasmine's brother Andy is helping out on vassula stall she's sifting through her own stuff that she's brought here it's not unheard of her to sort of give things away she's giving stuff away to the Salvation Army and then it's like her own stuff that she took there three days previously it goes back to the Salvation Army go well actually I can't live without this and pays to take it away again so so it's sort of expected you know sort of we we knew that she wouldn't let go of everything straight away actually yeah I think I'll just keep this because I really love it 6:50 is where we need we said seven you said six you should be happy fella to sell these is the limit give me this look here I was gonna say it is a wholeness and it's 650 not 6 now do you get that for nothing I'm sorry my mum I feel embarrassed I do feel embarrassed that was ridiculous by the way at the end of the day you might as well sell all the stuff not quibble over 50 P that's how happy you know that's another 50 P we're not here to make money are we we're here to get rid of the mountain of stuff that you've got we're coming away with less stuff than I thought we would so I'm surprised about that rather than the other way I'm surprised at sabotage you know now only a couple of people that were trying to take us for a ride one just reeks I'm just exhausted now and I've probably got about 40 quid in my little pouch to show for all the hard work so I'd rather give it a 40 quid I'd rather give her frequent and buy all that stuff and do do with it whatever I wanted but that's no good I've offered her money for her stuff before I said you know I'll give you this amount of money and you give me everything in your house but she wouldn't agree to that because she knows that I might just ditch some of the things that she loves [Music] not only does for sooner find it difficult to get rid of things she constantly acquires new belongings at my worst I would be bringing in say four or five carrier bags of secondhand stuff or new stuff for didn't matter a day or a couple of times a week at least [Music] it's like placing a bet and winning when you go out and you find something you know you've won you found more treasure so take it home at the end of the day is counterproductive because there's so much stuff that it's can't use any of it is yesterday so it's two keys books one self-help one decorating book won't Jasmine phoned me up I was still there and she said we're are you and I told her books in I'm working so hard to help you you have to place make us yes is why it's so hard so sorry Catherine see those sticks and that term bagged I was thinking maybe useful for proper my planter mine and my mom's relationship is completely dominated by the hoarding that's all we talk about and it's been that way for a while now no what are you doing look this thing on its own is about five quid to buy there was a time when we couldn't even broach the subject because it would just end in tears every time and then we just didn't really talk much or we just talked about the weather I felt very much like homeless person over the last few years because my home has been occupied by the possessions [Music] jasmine and her mom have been working on clearing the house for a month now that have ground to a halt if I had the bigger space and I put everything out instead of being that way it was that way and I could see it or I could then decide oh I don't actually want all that stuff and I just want this one or this one like a football-field-sized it's a radical step but they both agree to move the contents of the living and dining rooms to a nearby warehouse for souvenirs I what she really needs to keep I feel I'm ready for it to happen this doesn't stop it being stressful do you want two more bags there's more it's really weird it's really nice actually I think the last time I was in this room I was probably just still a child every Christmas we had the Christmas tree here and we used to get up it you know before the crack of dawn and sit down here and we were done yeah we weren't allowed to open our presents until 7 o'clock that was the rule Oh what I was using [Music] [Music] I honestly wish that because it will just drive away and then come back and I never have to do it again but obviously mum would kill me if it was all gone never to be seen again would it really matter I hope this isn't a plan that you've cooked up oh I'm like just the question popped into my head and I just wondered how you would feel if the van drove off and never reappeared I just wouldn't trust anybody again oh [Applause] [Music] [Applause] did you not know that was the door there [Applause] I think I hands was it the worst out of probably all of us kids I can remember one awful time I was out on a date and then the guy dropped me home and I got out the car well can I just use the new quick hey no no I said no no you can't anyway what I said no I'm sorry and I've never discussed it with him I said it's just too messy you can't he said clearly can't be that messy let me I just need a wait I said oh I just wait here a minute but I went upstairs and cleared the toilet out so that he could go to lose those dreadful [Music] it's a lot of stuff it matter the stuff and seeing it all spread out like this it looks even more than it did in in the house she doesn't have long to decide as the warehouse has only been rented for two weeks I'm gonna stay through it but I will have to rocky didn't disappear on the way here [Music] so three that's holiday snaps from 7-8 years ago I forgot I even have these that is Simeon Cameron when he was about four in Portugal it feels good to have a space back even just see the table again you can touch you can open your arms out without touching anything and you're not afraid of walking because there's nothing sinful on top of you even though the floors filthy and needs a wash I can still walk around but I'm haven't stopped being a hoarder it's still in my brain the stuff is still you know all turning around in my brain and I'm you know thinking oh that and that I know but I'm really I'm really hoping that we continue because I don't want to stop and I can almost breathe again [Music] [Music] time to get to school Cameron bye sweetheart have a good day [Music] hello my mom it's a bit much isn't it the Sula sons Johnny and Andi have come to help their mother sort out what to keep I think we should do a skin you just this this this this I'm gonna keep and then we'll just shift the other way I don't feel quite ready to get rid of it a lot of the stuff yet so it's difficult for me to say I don't want that when I still really want everything but I don't want to take it about how violent and you just say what you see that you want to keep that you can see this definitely know what is it what's in it nothing is empty well where's the fit that was in it well quickly then have a look at that know what that cuz I like that definitely want to keep that yes yep clerics there dime-a-dozen yeah somebody wants he did listen he did I know I go to the shop buy one then these are broken these speakers and they're mine as well so can I throw them away please where were they in the pram the only reason I i have speakers if she's asking me if she can keep them then i'm gonna say no it's because they might the thing is these things that she wants to keep you know she'll they'll just go back into the house and they'll just sit there again forever and she'll never ever do with them the things she has in mind like we voted speaker she wants the magnets out of them or something to pick up paper clips is that what you say and if we ever come to that we could just buy or another magnet you know dismantling in order to pick up some baby you asking me if you can have my magnets cuz not the answer's no if it's up to me then the answer's no okay that's not very helpful what do you mean it's not helpful they're mine I'm keeping them okay that's not very good is it don't they it gets you there might because you don't need them do you know I don't want my mum to be upset but that is a barrier that sort of needs to to be softened up a little bit you know it can't just give in to her because she wants to keep everything mom yeah sure why something do anything fine if we're gonna make any progress it's gonna be hard for her she knows it's gonna be hard she's agreed to do it we're sorting out this there's what is absolute shite from what you can use there's all of that to sort look can you look at the stuff that you've still got to sort that whole end needs to be cleared today so this is futile what you're doing so you have to decide what's important to you it's important for me that you don't shout at me I'm not shouting this is talking it's important don't try and make me out to be a bad guy and I'm not a bad guy to me that you don't shoot me to me that you let me have my thoughts and it's important to me that we do do - so don't quickly I was expecting my mum to be much more you know ready to get rid of stuff at this stage you know it feels always like she's made a choice she'd rather have this stuff than us round round her house especially without my little brother who still lives there and you'd think that you know him having to live in all that crap and all that rubbish surrounded him and you think that that would be enough of an incentive to clear up everything vassula wants to save will be stored in a locker as loads of space just how it is really all of this stuff plus the stuff that's still not yet sorted in the warehouse is all just from living room and dining room and it all has to go back into the house because you're keeping it but compare what's here to what's going there's the same I'd say 50/50 no I say 50/50 if you pull this back into those two rooms obviously they wouldn't be functional as rooms there would just be storage units again she feels like she's you know making a lot of sacrifices and that we're pushing her into it but actually she's not making enough sacrifices really because there's still a huge amount of stuff here that's the last thing [Music] I feel differently on different days and even different minutes you know one minute I'm thinking Oh throw the little way it wouldn't matter if everything was gone but the moment passes and then I'm again you know increasingly concerned that the amount vassula still wants to hang on to Jasmine is keen for the process not to stall it's been completely trial and error everything I've done with my mum I've been feeling my way along making mistakes along the way finding out what works what doesn't work and it's definitely a journey of discovery Jasmine's travelling to New York to meet American author Jesse Shaw who recently wrote a book about her own mother's hoarding I read the book and there were a lot of similarities in there with me and my mum wasn't identical there's a few you know slightly different things but you read it and you you can just relate to it [Music] like Jasmine Jessie's struggled for years to combat her mother's hoarding but three years ago she decided never to set foot in her mum's house again for Jasmine it's a chance to explore a totally different way of dealing with her mother's condition because you want so badly to be able to help your parents and you know we all want our parents to live in a safe and healthy environment so we want more than anything to be able to fix it it's so hard to kind of jump forward and out of denial and I think the only way you really can get through it is by going through it so you have to try and fail you know and that's really the only way that you can get to the point of kind of letting go you know I still am the daughter of a hoarder and I still have a mother with a mental illness and you know I always will but I guess I can choose right now how much it's affecting my life and right now it's not I tried so many times I cleaned her house and not just that but I spent years you know trying to convince her over the phone Oh clean one room a week thinking like I just needed the one magic land and if I could find if I could figure it out you know her mind would flip and she wouldn't be a hoarder and we realize have this revelation ago yeah okay nice yeah to be able to sleep in my bed and right cause can my kitchen badly no after trying for years and years and being infested with you know a parasite scabies twice I just had to say that's it I'm done I would probably have given up a lot if I didn't have motivation of my youngest brother right - you no need to make the environment better for him yeah that's a that's a big one I've thought about this a lot in terms of hoarding and often I think Porter's anxiety and the hoarders comfort level should not be the priority and should be the trifle it would live with it's the people who live with them it's the people who are really affected because yes getting rid of this you know millionth copy of this paperback book might cause the hoarder anxiety but how much anxiety does it cause the child who's living there so I think that yeah you're right it's not very balanced to get it not balanced like I hadn't really thought about it's in that way if she ever gets to the point where the progress stops you know you might have to just take your brother out and have him live with you yeah which I would be more than happy to do be a lot easier than yeah than trying to clear it out well why not just do that because he won at home with his mom as my mum wants him to be at home with ya I hate to say it but I've just never seen someone not hard anymore [Music] discouraging is in a very very discouraging [Music] I might be sounding really blinkered because all the facts and the statistics and everything there are playing for anyone to see glaringly obvious and she's never going to recover and I might as well just give up well that's just politics you know that is just not an option so even if I am being blinkers and even if I am wasting my time I can't think of anything I'd prefer to be doing right now I would just I just want to crack on with it and you know only time will tell for Jasmine there's a lot more at stake than there was for me and that is because she has a 13 year old brother living there I mean that really changes everything so if I were Jasmine I think I probably would be doing the exact same thing [Music] it's the final day of clearing of the warehouse anything vassula hasn't set aside to keep will be taken away to be sold or disposed of in just a few hours okay have a nervous breakdown you don't want a fancy skirt oh it's not a skirt it's a top meaning stressed take lots of drugs you know meditation can you please let me finish what I'm doing this is my mum's fault so you don't have to bend your wrist you're not gonna know that's you know what that is this to stop taking the pee I've got the toy Oh why are you good it I hope you know I haven't thrown I've been looking for these things I hope you haven't it just put them in the base unless I need why do you need it what do you mean need straight Cameron she's in a panic my magic rope there's no real need to be the kiss of everything off anything about you and a lot of things of no value have already been taken out I don't think I'll take it personally you know I just want to get on with it and really and as little stress as possible like a bloody orgy in this box [Applause] make sure that you for me would be better to take it slower but I am a bit worried about letting my kids down and I'm also very concerned about my youngest son he's the one I'm worried about most so I feel like I have to let them get the stuff moving for his sake all right somebody's already gone through those boxes but you back so you might only want so can I just say is that the top priority or is the stuff that nobody's looked at the priority Oh which one first you can't do them both what I'm doing this at the moment put them anyway starting a new book you're all panicking alright we're not panicking panicking and you're making you have decided to keep everything at the last minute it's not it's something I have to work through pray please and this is these these things I'm keeping to please this these pictures and this lid for that box I don't want those [Music] my kids are all gonna beat me up if I'm not careful they hate me because I want to check through the stuff does every family have random stuff like this or is it just me [Music] I'd like to keep all these action figures just soon not just let you sorted it because you said the toys can go except for the Lego stop screaming I'm sorry if I'm screaming I'm not screaming I should hit a spring well you screeching there all right whether or not you knew these were here we were just following what you say all right I'm trying to control myself thank you and I got you to allow me I'd like you I actually am NOT asking you I'm telling you that I'm keeping those if that isn't with your agreement then we have to fall out [Music] much more than want people to do for you yes so just go just leave okay super favor call jasmine I'm not going I'm not only German Jasmine's left because you've behaving in a way that's not dignified not dignified I mean what I've saved mother it's for you you're not doing this for ourselves it's just got to let go of it what's important in your life this [ __ ] all your family think about it seriously which is plastic [ __ ] yeah family love you not worth upsetting one of your family for any of these stuff I'd give everything that you've kept for not upsetting Jasmine for one minute alright I'll take a few all right one in ten - Minton you know me how many do you really need keeping these yet yeah haven't gone through me it sorry quickly it's time to go these boots there you go sorry Don one minute and we'll just wait let me get these little things please [Music] I'm looking at Homes and Gardens this is no good that was keeping your right darlin we've done an amazing job hey you know I'm really up I'm Robbie they need a patience of an angel to be able to deal with this [Music] my kid loves their patience with me don't blame them they've lived with forever and I'm still the same person you see and it's difficult for me to be able to let go as easily as I'd like to in two weeks vassula has got rid of half the contents from her living and dining rooms good riddance indeed that was the best clearance we've ever done that stuff's gone uh relief [Music] three weeks later the momentum continues as they clear the garden hallway a toilet bedroom for Fasulo and a room for Cameron I'm not gonna go buy seems to replace the things that have gone unless I really need them that's the idea but whether it works I hope it works I really do but after a lifetime of hoarding there are still two flights of stairs the landings the bathroom three bedrooms and the kitchens still to sort I feel just tired of it I did say to last week we can just stop and she just said she didn't want to stop I even asked Cameron to come and live with me so I could stop it so I could just not have to worry about it anymore and he said no as well how long do you think it's gonna take us to do this kitchen quite a while because everything's dirty everything go dishwasher out of place I'm going to be battling with myself the whole time you know I'm thrown away no keep it right way no keep it we keep this yes - and you keep it for now I always wanted to fix the house and to fix my mom and I don't think I'll be able to fix my mum but she's my mom and I love her and I'll never give up on her [Music] to keep that where's the keep box oh thank you [Music] you you

Channel: Real Stories

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Keywords: Real Stories, my hoarder mum and me full documentary, compulsive hoarding (symptom), obsessive compulsive cleaners only human, ocd symptoms obsessive compulsive disorder symptoms, Real Stories Full Documentary, Real Stories Documentary, Full length Documentaries, Documentary, TV Shows - Topic, Documentary Movies - Topic, 2018 documentary, 2019 documentaries, real stories mental health, jasmine harman's extreme hoarders, jasmine harman, ocd documentary

Id: so-F7tKkOjI

Length: 48min 57sec (2937 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 17 2019