Nostalgia Critic - Good Burger

hello I'm in this - your credit I remember it so you don't have to well seeing how we are at the end of Nickelodeon money I can safely say that I am not the least bit happy why because I have to review what many considered to be a double order of [ __ ] with extra crap and a side order of debt sheet a fast-food abomination simply known as good burger based off the hit sketch reformed down the Kid show all that good burger was an attempt to take one line welcome to good burger home of the good burger can I take your order and some will turn that into an hour and a half movies welcome to good burger home of the good burger take your order no but you can take this and shut up are the film stars killed Mitchell reprising his role as head butt idiot fast-food attendant who works at the inn appropriately titled good burger it also stars Kenan Thompson which is weird because he never really started any of the good burger sketches but who the hell cares let's just get this ass burger review out of the way not right so it starts out with our protagonist ed welcome to killer burger home of the good idea you already Oh God Hey I see I see you I want to stay here with you we love you hey come with us get Wyatt why why would happen ah welcome to get burger home of the good burger shantanu stop stop I need a minute so it turns out that opening was just a dream but unfortunately the rest of the movie isn't and rushes out the door because he's late to work this is bad because nobody else at the restaurant knows how to take orders which really pisses off huge angry Robert wolves just give me two good burgers I had up to here with good burger hey I don't need this either cameo in Batman so we see and rushing down the street as he chips into some girls playing jump rope drags one of them down the street accidentally steals a woman's baby collides with some basketball players mixes up the basketball with the baby as the baby is dumped into a basketball book you know I'm getting to know a minute oh so and finally makes it to work only to find that there's another restaurant called mondo burger being built across the street that could be dangerous competition but their boss isn't worried good burger has been here for over 40 years and nobody is putting good burger out of business gota what are you doing is there just really no movie that you'll say no to honey did you read the script you know I could have been a good movie my guest says he was in some sort contract or something it probably went something like this Abe the president of Nickelodeon says you have to do the good burger movie and he can't do that it screws up all my arrangements sorry Abe you're under contract Tom can you get me often types can't do it you get to wear the little hat and everything so we then cut to our other main character Dexter who's in a classroom being taught by oh Jesus now being taught by Sinbad with an outfit made of ramping paper and a haircut modeled after a Blowfish his personality though that's a little harder to figure out I was thinking my brother Wow why would this man give us a test on the last day of school before summer starts Roma tell you why because the money Never Sleeps right on my mid seventies early eighties black panther hippie environmentalist blaxploitation flower child brother extra-thin sees out of school for the summer which means he can spend the rest of his time partying but there's a change of plan when he accidentally crashes in the Ronald McDonald here see when I left school today I think I was gonna run to you this summer I think you go running to me I just turn into me like this you and show me young man you had trouble don't listen mister wait listen it wasn't my fault see this nut on some rollerblades he skated into my vision sight and I couldn't see nothing oh no what's that car cost me know do you know know why two thousand dollar car $22,000 and that's just the base price Oh give me driver's license I don't regard him my driver's license all right seriously but didn't equip that is just put you on the show no no when they put it in my hand you don't have a driver's ed on challenge D yes I hate to do this young man I hate to put a black man in jail I'm at the call police hey dude you ain't got to I'm just a kid it's like they knew they had no story a little joke so they just told the actress to make some crap up off the top of our heads it's a villanelle movie line somehow why should I talk about who cares in the clinch bill by selling it you have to try my god they're still going this will be handled with just one line of dialogue O'Shea I need a child why is that so hard finally a different scene are you oh I never thought that would be my call back to reality I'll take it so Dexter has to get a summer job you see one sentence that was so much easier as he applies at the mondo burger where everyone dresses like they're at an eighties gym from now on your life is mondo burger you can forget about your friends you can forget about your family because Kurt is now both your mother and your father but Dexter sadly doesn't seem to fit in get the booze out of my face loser all mad you bout to push me a little too obvious to me yeah extra crispy please I said in that line ain't watchin so he goes to a place where he's clear lack of talent and absolutely no experience will do him well but you said you wanted nothing on it yes well I expected a meat patty did a meat patty is something you said nothing fizz is a meat patty something or nothing don't be philosophical with me kid it's not a kind of movie we're all born to die sir so edit Dexter finally me as Dexter Vince's blows one market shake good good keep them coming I'm dude don't you think you've had enough don't tell me what I've had enough shake I'll tell you when I've had enough [ __ ] I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap at you chase it down with some fries so ed tries to convince his boss the detector should begin the job a good hey mr. Bailey this guy needs a job can he have like no other movie bye come on mr. Bailey it really needs one he can do fries Otis does fries yeah but look at him how much longer could he possibly live nothing can kill me I'm a pie gonna all right so texture is hired on as one of his jobs is to make deliveries in I'm not kidding the burger mobile God I'll take you for a spin but all is not well as the ruler of mondo burger comes in to intimidate our heroes the second we open our doors good burger goes in the grinder one what's up with this kid it's like someone put sting Frankie Muniz and bent star in a blender it's kind of surreal I'm head huh dad you better watch your white man okay so mama burger does open up to probably the most overblown fast-food restaurant opening ever even planet-hopping what doesn't get this type of opening I mean what are we expecting the scene there oh my god their fries honest-to-god fries so they take a look at one of the mondo burgers to see why their business is doing so well huge how do they do it my god they use actual meat oh my cones at all so ed s texture if he wants to hang out do you think you can get me to a hospital I think I broke my ass okay yeah I'm convinced now that a pagoda wasn't supposed to be in this movie he just wandered onto the set throughout the costume and start walking around bumping into people they were just like hey he's not hurting anyone just keep him in the movie you ain't Godfather man show some dignity as unindexed er become more acquainted with each other they discover that they have a complicated relationship I don't like you ain't get that booyah look I'm great nose boy hey when he blew evey moment Liberty Liberty blue but he blew but he's not dead Louie blooby blooby blooby blooby blooby blooby blooby blooby to any movie nice shiny booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby booby everybody man ah bagel my god I just realize what this is this is Dante's 11 level of Hell he just did write about because he thought be too scary for people to comprehend and lo and behold and I'm not just douche bag with unconvincing dreads we'll put grapes in his nose and constantly shout blue petit flippity flippity flippity and it will be called the 11th level of hell Dante then wet himself and cried in fear so turns out ed brings its own special sauce that he made himself as people pass it around they realize it's pretty good I personally don't trust anything that looks like a blended Fraggle but everyone else seems to as they marketed to the people raising their profits again but Dexter makes ed sign a contract that lets Dexter have 80% of all the money that they make on the sauce presumably high as a kite it agrees and continues to be shed upon by the people he thinks he knows and loves well here you go in you get to keep $13 oh that's almost $14 huh Wow that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard plain and simple but at being a sentimental guy ask Dexter if he wants to hang out on the rooftop and just look at the Stars yeah apparently Ed's deep what kind of problems do you have most of them sided when I was a little kid that's when my dad left me and my mom must have lived in 15 places since then wait wait a minute are you actually trying to have a moment are you actually trying to remote an emotion other than disgust I remember the last time I saw my dad I was seven years old I'm sorry it's a little hard to get into this moment well one of the last scenes we saw was I think I broke my ass that makes a real tricky I give up I'm going home and I imagine I'm really going home [ __ ] this movie the next day they get a call to deliver a special order to the only other celebrity they could afford in this movie feel hungry take a food take everybody just please don't do any wrapping so the gift shank is ordering even managed to get a little endorsement from him oh good this is back in the days when its endorsements actually meant something order tomato Loomis good burger I don't see no tomatoes Oh mango consider yourself tomato huh Wow that's pretty bad we're making sure he will kneel look like a good actor meanwhile mama burger is just pleased that good burgers sales are suddenly rising as it justine's their PVC spaces good burger is still in business well what are we supposed to do about our burgers are already twice the size of theirs captain may I recommend firing our photon torpedoes at the restaurant kitchen yes sir make our burgers bigger bigger foot they're already I didn't die but I died I but there's still the problem as to how to stop that special sauce had created so they decide to send in a beautiful woman to seduce end and to get his secret ingredients if anyone can get the sauce out of Ed she can okay I don't wanna know how she gets the sauce out of Edie I just assume that's private Oh ever felt that Wow so rats and tries to seduce head but her attempts are fetal against a thick wall of Venus you are so hot oh I often sweat it work huh my god Hallmark cards are funnier than this so you hungry yes I am hungry but not for food I'm hungry for you oh well well I'm not edible so it agrees to go out with Roxanna Oh will somebody give aids some direction back there and give him a cookie or something nee come on this ain't pagoda not a dishrag he's the funniest thing in this movie I don't even think he's supposed to be there so ankles out with Roxanne as Dexter also asked to have his coworker named Monique but I think he's doing that because he secretly wanted and you look at them they look exactly alike I think there's some closed doors here that need to be opened so Roxanne tries to get intimate with em but this turns out to be extraordinarily dangerous and she discovers that love hurts even more than she knows abuse to women is funny after Roxanne gives up at the hip went burglar and in Dexter's start to suspect foul play as they think mondo burger is using illegal chemicals to make their food larger so they disguise themselves as on Jesus really you're gonna go the drag route what what quiet by the knowing better I'd say you were from a subpar childish sketch comedy show after they worked their way inside our two heroes find out mondo burgers dirty little secret people know it turns out that they were using illegal chemicals but our heroes are caught as the head of mondo burger decides to do the first logical thing in this movie have them both committed finally they show done at the beginning of so the two part taken idiot interrupted as they try to figure out a way to escape but while that's going on the mondo burger people partake in mission implausible as they try to sabotage EDD sauce making everyone who eats it incredibly sick what's going on here guys you woke up a ape says he's gonna call the police but the mondo burger decides to have him committed to I somehow doubt that was very hard so our three nut jobs are stuck in a mental institution and have to figure a logical way out the best solution start a synchronized dance number of course whoo look at them go you know for the mentally disabled they sure do have good on-the-fly dance choreography I'm really impressed and as your sense of impossibility may have told you Bogart start dancing too come on let's go over here and dance I think it's our job to stop out-of-control stuff like this but I'm sure if we let our guard down once nothing bad can happen oh so that's why we're not paying well okay so they steal the keys get out of the room but how are they going to get out of the actual building one of the local crazies decides to help them out you know for as bad as this movie is I do like it sudden bursts of cruelty but how's a frail old man like a pagoda can I get out of there and that's the last waivers on it's okay I landed on the fat kid they all try to make it a good burger to stop the customers from getting sick as it's only trans into the end of the Benny Hill show yeah that's nice crashing the car is break some teeth and danger people's lives but at least the good burger will stay open but ed in Dexter make it in time as it starts an old lady from eating one of the burgers this needs to be sensitive so ed and Dexter explained about the sauce and stopped all the orders just before they hatch a plan to break in the mondo burger and expose them for the liars they are but first this joke I need a hot Jacuzzi you know what [ __ ] it so they figure out a plan to get into the mondo burger and get rid of all their chemicals gee I sure have a hungry for some rold gold pretzels right now how do you expect me to get up there oh it's easy you just jump on a burger jump on the fry and then you hop on a cup and then shimmy up the stock what is is American Gladiators what is that a joke so they break into the mondo burger and try to intimidate the rest of the cool mama never had one of these with the electronic numbers we always had to turn that nigeria but why are you I wouldn't come in any clothes stand back men I think that's real catch no how am I gonna go around the restaurant covered in ketchup and mustard that's just silly oh that's right smack your ass just show us what a likeable character you are you little troublemaker Oh how's ed gonna screw up this time oh and you nincompoop but I bet it'll all work out in the end somehow it always does oh it looks like all those chemicals I'm causing the burgers to explode that's so out of the ordinary how dare call my key you people had better run faster there's no telling what others state antics could possibly follow they character nobody lies do you think you'll get as come up into the end well that all depends do you want cheese on that oh oh oh it looks like God has finally spotted you for making jingle all the way Sinbad good luck trying to clean that up whoo what a mess well it looks like our two little skanks and finally come out on top and we're scary moments at times but was there ever any doubt that they'd make it in the end how do you don't think so so after all this wild crazy and totally off-the-wall antics how else can they possibly end this movie besides saying the classic line welcome to good burger home of the good burger can I take your order you certainly can it you certainly can this is crap is god-awful good burger good god what a lot of [ __ ] it's like if [ __ ] put [ __ ] and that [ __ ] good [ __ ] and that [ __ ] good [ __ ] that [ __ ] to raise money to put together a team of filmmakers to printers of steaming flaming violent [ __ ] my advice is leave this order among keep you forever and never look back as long as you live or even after you die because that way at least God knows you're trying to do better I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember it so you don't have to about this contract man huh what did you say we just forget you don't want to be partners what no see is it because I'm black Oh Joe

Channel: LeisureSuitRantFiend

Views: 974,466

Keywords: Nostalgia, Critic, Good, Burger

Id: T6b2-ryL0-o

Length: 20min 49sec (1249 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 22 2010