NOOB'S GUIDE to BALTHASAR GELT

welcome to a noob's guide to balthazar gelt this is balthazar gelt supreme patriarch of the colleges of magic master of the lore of metal arcane advisor to emperor carl franz and the greatest wizard of our age if you don't count dumbledore gandolf merlin orco the wizard of oz or even fred savage the background of balthazar gelt the master magician with the midas touch is shrouded in mystery nobody cared who he was until he put on the mask most wizards think of the winds of magic as their ally but they merely adopted it gelt was born in it molded by it based purely on internet memes his story begins after spending a tour of duty dodging arrows in the jungles of viet koresh welcome to astalia gentlemen but he first pops into the records of warhammer as he steps off a merchant ship in marienburg having bought passage from ports unknown with gold transmuted from lead ingots leaving a very pissed off sea captain in his wake this will be a common theme in gelt's story as he swindles bribes and generally bluffs his way to the top of the college of magic the sea captain was even chuffed enough to put a bounty on gelt's golden head but there was no need to draw first blood when gelt could leave any boba fett wannabes swimming in enough gold they could pretend to be scrooge mcduck how balthazar gelt single-handedly cracked the alchemical code is not explained in the lore but hints abound from game's workshop with his distant origins and mystic kabbalah of knowledge his babylonian name of balshazar and his surname gelt a reference to the money given to children during hanukkah the fact that games workshop has gelt dress in a golden mask with six points is admittedly circumstantial but when they inexplicably tie him to the finances of the empire and then have him go full tobias funke never nude to avoid showing off his bagel and locks the question does begin to arise of exactly how much of gelt's golden staff was still left to lose before his magical workplace bris not that there's anything wrong with an ashkenazi origin i just find it hilarious that the one time games workshop didn't rip off tolkien they created a wizard who vacations in upstate new york yet still complains about how many shekels his knish costs not satisfied to just attend magic college after balthazar gelt was sorted into ravenclaw his fierce intelligence and innate curiosity helped him advance through the ranks of the gold order with a speed only your boss's son can manage within a decade he was a master of the lore of metal and the youngest ever patriarch of the golden college his research into new black powder formulas had made him popular with the imperial engineers school an organization that often dismisses magic as superstitious nonsense and prefers instead to solve their problems with as many guns as possible but even these macho lollards could respect a guy that knows the riddle of steel and makes your bullets go further faster and with less black schmutz afterwards but it's not all roses and sulfur in the morning after an especially egregious backfire from overcasting a spell balthazar somehow survived an explosion that leveled a city block and now only goes outside swathed in shimmering metallic robes of molten metal that forever rotate in a dazzling whirlwind of iridescent colors which sounds an awful lot like a story from hebrew school but whether you think he's rule 63 statue of liberty or an alexander dumas ripoff this late roman cavalry helmet does have one noted benefit now every female wizard studying under him casts rust when he speaks your infantile gest on iron oxide amuses me for those not blessed with my intellect the proceeding implied my voice alone graduates forth moisture and feminine practitioners of the lore of metal what gelt really looks like now under all that gilding is frankly anyone's guess he's either blinged out like a dead bond girl or looks like what happens when you ask call drogo for a golden crown regardless the accident certainly didn't dampen gelt's determination to succeed at the next magical wetton yaemut as is the custom of enlightened men the eight magical schools each chose a representative to beat each other senseless in a duel for overlordship of the entire college the hall of duels is a wizarding ufc fight pit where every eight years the colleges of magic fight to crown a new supreme patriarch light celestial gold jade amber grey amethyst and the one that actually wins every time bright because it's hard to beat a good old-fashioned fireball the walls ceiling and floor are made of obsidian stone to refract and nullify any magic in the room in the center of the ring covers the staff of volens and whoever grabs its girthy shaft first becomes the new supreme patriarch as everyone knows a sub 540 is the truest indicator of managerial skills once in hand the other wizards normally surrender if they know what's good for them because the staff of volun's is the hitachi wand of the wizarding world the rules say that any spell can be used to stop your opponents from reaching the center however tradition does prevent it from being a duel to the death as the deductible on wizard insurance is hella hefty the masters of magic each took position in their corners the room was sealed and then ineo moriconi's widow banked another paycheck [Music] nobody actually knows the details of what happened next but gelt walked out unscathed afterwards as the new sorcerer supreme nobody else died or even looked remotely singed and everyone's bank managers bought jaguars afterwards since that day the new supreme patriarch has appeared on battlefields across the empire soaring over the heads of imperial soldiers on his pegasus quicksilver the men below believe that with a single gesture balthazar gelt can transform his enemies into lifeless golden statues or turn their bones into molten iron and with such powers on their side their belief in balthazar guilt has secured many victories for the empire but one look at the spells in total war warhammer and you'll see the truth every one of balthazar gelt's abilities can be attributed to a firm understanding of science and the human psyche his patented transmutation sounds a lot like electroplating and most of his battles seem to be one with a firm application of faith and gunpowder even his trademark move turning bones to gold is really only terrifying until you remember that gold fillings have been in people's mouths for a few hundred years i mean realistically a shot of goldschlager would probably do more damage to you in the long run a better move for him might actually be to turn everyone's bones to lead at least then they'll get a cute plumbism and go crazy in the years after the spell inevitably wears off the true power of the supreme patriarch lies in its power to influence the leader of the empire of man carl franz though being an advisor to the empire is a lot like an episode of the game show family feud except when gelt does a survey of 15 elector counts to find out what it would take for them to join the empire the answer is still booze and your naked grandmother as the elector counts would all prefer to just send endless waves of troops into the meat grinder and fall victim to one of the classic blunders the most famous of which is never to get involved in a land war in asia second only to polishing gelt's helmet without asking first but the supreme patriarch will have none of it while he's around it's telling that gelt's most successful mission was when emperor carl franz asked him to go full rambo and invert a civil war with the aggressive elector count of nordland not by swooping in to rain hot lead from the skies on anyone in his way but by going on a lone wolf stealth mission to castle souzan moon to transform alder gold into lead gelt was able to end the war without a single shot fired as a faction leader in game balthazar gelt brings an array of bonuses that would make any imperial captain smile providing a blanket armor increase to every soldier which especially benefits lightly armored state troops and couple that with a bonus to artillery damage and the army of the golden order is set to shock and awe anyone they encounter just get a nice thick wall of infantry put gunners on the wings and then call in your gelt air support to rain down hellfire and reduce a hundred square acres of jungle to a state that would make richard attenborough weep the lore of metal features excellent buffs and debuffs and gelt's reductions in casting time and cost make it downright deadly letting him glass a lustrian hillside and still bring his boys back home again to talk about it as gelt has reduced upkeep for battle wizards you may be tempted to bring an all-wizard army but his guilt requires more soft micro than gates build you're better off bringing a second wizard as a mana battery as gelt chugs through it faster than smirnoff at a sorority social whichever way you build him gelt is a powerhouse wizard with faster than average flying speed and the ability to deal out rapid aoe damage while raining buffs and debuffs onto anyone below he deems worthy of his golden shower so he'd better stay hydrated as total war warhammer starts gelt on the southern border of the empire sent by emperor carl franz to a long destroyed backwater called soland where gelt is tasked with manning the border and resurrecting the country and this mission will take every trick up gelt's shiny sleeves as your early game will be a sasha gray special starring green skins vampire counts and any elector count too big for their britches so show them who wields the superior element knock them all back down to size call in napalm strikes on the vc and gain enough influence to confederate the empire in the name of sigmar carl franz and especially balthazar gelt if you have any fun ideas for the next noob's guide make sure to leave them in the comments below if you'd like to help in their production you can always join the channel and become one of its active patrons this video wouldn't have been possible without help from wakawaka 3000 of the gccm mod team which adds new maps to warhammer 2. so check them out on the steam workshop and as always thanks for watching

Channel: Cody Bonds

Views: 515,714

Keywords: noob's guide, cody bonds, balthasar gelt, gelt, noobs guide to balthasar gelt, balthasar gelt meme, balthasar gelt speech, noob guide warhammer 2, total war, gelt warhammer lore, empire gelt, balthasar gelt lore, warhammer 2, creative assembly, warhammer, games workshop

Id: 4mcYgks2cxk

Length: 10min 58sec (658 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 29 2020