Nigel Has A Girlfriend? | HAIYAA #47

I'm actually seeing someone now Nigel is monogamous it's crazy this boy life is over nobody tells you this but you go from boy to monogamous there's like things you have to adjust nobody gives you this relationship advice so I'm gonna give you this relationship advice guys but my fans are mostly insults don't get laid so I don't know who I'm telling this to welcome back to hiya podcast guys it's been a while it's been a few a minute it's been a minute it has this is the penultimate episode sadly but you know we are we've talked about this we're gonna end the podcast soon we'll do ad hoc once when I come back to London uh about quick announcement guys I'm currently some of you might know may know that I've uh filmed my tour show in Boston and we're gonna release it as a two-part special so the first part is Uncle Roger second part is me I'm currently like really working hard on the edit right now and it's looking it's looking nice I'm very I'm so proud of it I'm not actually touching the edit but I'm leaving so many notes yeah the like novel novel length emails yeah it has to be like because I have the comic timing and certain there's certain jokes where I look down the barrel of the camera and keep it hold that shot don't cut don't cut [ __ ] don't cut don't cut why am I looking down the barrel of the lens if you're gonna cut yeah you know what I mean true yeah so in this episode listeners I'm looking down the barrel of the lens right now if Matt Cuts away better not cut man I'm looking down the lens right now but that's like one of those things that because I I'm an editor myself there are certain things and it's my style and oh yeah Uncle Roger has a lot of crowd work right in his section so we do a split screen too just like like almost like a reaction video It's like a little homage to Uncle Roger's YouTube content and what comedy special have you seen that's a split screen right that's a creative decision I made and then told the editor to execute and to be fair to the editor he did something really cool so in my uncle Roger videos the split screen is a hard line separating it but in the special it's feathered so it like kind of Blends into each other oh I was like oh nice good good job good job yeah this kind of editor you want to work with man that they bring something new to the table yeah their own Flair yes their own Flair and it's good I'm very excited um we are still listeners we're still shopping it around see who wants to buy it see who wants to make an offer uh but they will be released soon trust me I hope you guys hope you guys watch it if you came to the tour show watch it too you know just just relive the whole experience yeah if you want to be notified just sign up to my mailing list just leave a link down there and then I'll email you yada yada yada but yes special is in progress very excited to release that and in other aspects of my life I'm actually seeing someone now hey Nigel is monogamous it's crazy the fuckboy life is over it's crazy is that strict monogamy very strictest the strictest monogamy there's no wiggle room there I mean what is what is unstrict monogamy what is that you seem to have experience with that it would be something unfamiliar with is you are you and Gemma a strict monogamy wait we are yeah okay so what is monogamy is a yes no thing there's no 50 Shades of monogamy you know there's no like Shades in between yeah what do you mean by non-streak monogamous I'm just you know you used to be by your own admission a bit of a [ __ ] boy yeah and I didn't know if maybe there's a bit of a hangover from that that was all yeah there there is a tough transition period that I'm navigating right now nobody tells you this but when you go from [ __ ] boy to monogamous there's like things you have to adjust yeah nobody gives you this relationship advice so I'm gonna give you this relationship advice guys but my fans are mostly insults don't get laid so I don't know who I'm telling this to but one day when you find yourself in my position being a [ __ ] boy and getting laid along just know when you when you start seeing someone for real right during my [ __ ] boy times because it's about the volume of women who just revolve in your life right coming they come in like a driving door they come in they come out so you're not going to put that much effort into every single day you won't have time if you still want a career in a job you have to maximize your productivity in terms of planning dates so you start to have templates you start to have the same five places you rotate you cycle women women through and the problem God that's so clinical you have to be efficient I can't afford a PA for my dating no I I should have hired that you know yeah back then yeah back then should have should have but now that's all over guys so sorry ladies it's been tied down now Matt is you know opening up he's making his marriage less strict so slide to match DMS now what I'm saying is you tend to have a template five six places you cycle women through you bring them all to the same places so the sushi place I brought you to the chef has seen many are women that I bring but what I'm saying is because you have those places now when I hang out with uh my woman and let's not reveal her information because she has a proper job and stuff you know so nice hang on to my woman sometimes I forget where I've brought her to because they all blend into each other and it's not like like I feel shitty and it's so romantic I know it's a terrible thing because it really sure there is no ill intent on my part from Forgetting it's just absent-mindedness and also because I've been to imagine if you've been to this restaurant 12 times and then when you're with her you just think oh yeah you've been to this restaurant right this restaurant in London and she said no I haven't I said [Music] but it's an easy mistake to make sure right if you're a fat boy yeah sure well okay but sometimes was a [ __ ] boy yes one should say it was yeah but okay but even like here's what I mean by it's not malice okay because you can make that mistake with your friends too imagine if you have a bar that you you frequent yeah and then you have the same group of friends but people cycle in and out sometimes you might think oh yeah you you're at the pub with me right last week and you'll be like no I wasn't there I said oh yeah because it's horrible yeah it's a shitty feeling but it's not it's no malice isn't it no no no okay but it's not nice it's not nice doesn't make you feel special yes exactly but now it's all changed and you know what a solution to this is you just had with your new woman the monogamous one the prop the the final woman the woman you've picked you have to do all those same templated things with her that's a solution and now when you say have you met my friend Matt and then she's like yeah I have you know because Matt has met I made the mistake I was like oh you've met my producer man right she'll say no oh what the [ __ ] seriously yeah that's why um the woman's here today so that's why I wanted Matt to come record with me today so you've met her yeah which is nice yeah you've met her very wholesome you like her lovely good look good look is it a good look for me if I post those stories yes of course that's you think she looks cute yeah she's cute what can I say to that that's how you trap your friends yeah what do you think you think she's cute this is hot would you [ __ ] her would you [ __ ] and she just sat there no she has a proper Joe I don't want to get fired from her shops so would you [ __ ] her like would you [ __ ] Germany my friends that don't ask questions whose answers you don't want to hear you know what I mean how about tomorrow I can remember that why I told Jeffy I just don't listen to the podcast look you like Nigel you like me you'll do us all a favor just don't listen she listens to the podcast and that's how she found out Matt knows the other women shot myself in the foot there another reason why I'm ending the podcast it's really hard to live an interesting life when you're monogamous you know she's not crazy my world yeah it's hard isn't it she's not crazy she's very well adjusted we have a good time together life is nice she's sensible because when you say literally 10 minutes before this podcast oh X do you want to come on the podcast it's just like no not good that's my test he should say yes that's a red flag that's a good bro yeah yeah sorry Hawaii girl well the listeners don't know Hawaii girl came on the podcast you know one of my old [ __ ] buddies she's she's happy that I'm seeing someone now okay that's nice she sings how I grow seeing someone properly now too that's good that's good everything works out for the best but anyway so I'm gonna uh she doesn't live in London she lives in the U.S I'm not gonna give away where but it's a cool City she lives there and then you know we are she's up for moving to La living there and see how it goes he's lived in La before so she gets the vibe you know and her work is something not fully entertainment but entertainment at Jason let's put it that way yeah yeah okay so yeah we're gonna see if it works out guys wish us luck but now I'm bringing her to all the templated places so later today I'm bringing her to bankone you know like a Italian restaurant in London because I I made a mistake you know yesterday oh you've been the bankonia right how many mistakes are you making if you I I said you met Matt right yeah that one this one and then the restaurant bankone that's two right yeah that's not too bad okay we'll give you a personal note yeah so I I'm a Problem Solver yeah so I just need to bring her to all the templated places it's a solution isn't it it's so nice not dating a white woman for a change it's like oh [ __ ] because hot white women they're always broke have you notice this hot white women are always broke they get money after they get married I I've I haven't met a single if they're if they have a good career they're not hot if they're hot they're trying to be like like an actor or a model oh they're always they're always broke as [ __ ] yeah so she is not white she's hot but has money it's like oh my God perfect perfect on the Venn diagram yes that's my experience you know yeah hot white women are always broke and uh so I'm glad I'm not with one it's not no food allergies that's another that's another test no food allergies you can handle her spice no at the moment no other mommy you know politically she's a bit nuts laughs you don't want to hate it's like a lot of people I work with in this industry because I work with a lot more actors now and they're just so oh I think it's a trickle-down thing isn't it like the biggest famous most famous actors they're so like social justicey now every single nobody actor has to act like that too that's why I you know if I if I do move to LA I am moving to La for work but I'm gonna still two months there one month here that kind of thing you know next time I say you're gonna have your own foundation and things like that because you've been acting it's gonna be like this is my course now how could we walk with Nigel um I would love to see it work version of you that'd be so funny oh my God it'd be funny for like a day and I'd be like okay Nigel can you like go back to being Nigel it's never funny can you imagine if this podcast was woke I wouldn't listen to it I'm actually very proud of all most of the episodes you know but when I listen back to it I'm like yeah that's just pretty funny yeah I stand by what I said okay I can't wait to be canceled again I just want the attention yeah I'm trying to when I Market the special I'm gonna find I'm gonna post the most like triggering bits online because that gets the people going right you know you have to lean into the culture wars that the culture wars machine be your marketing tool watch out Ukraine yes nobody cares about you creating them oh God have you seen people the Ukraine flagged on Instagram still no that's over passe till credit so 2022 [ __ ] nobody cares nobody cares what's the trendy new topic now trans stuff oh I don't have any trans joking and um [ __ ] the small boats thing the immigration thing that's education nobody cares like I'm talking about global let's not talk about UK Gary lineker yeah it's about [ __ ] I see people at Twitter getting all the friends here I'm like well my Market's bigger if I talk about those things nobody cares so it's trans stuff it's JK Rowling oh you know I used to talk about trans stuff I don't have any trans beads in my special that's good yeah I'm glad you did but I'll try to lead into the culture wars more you know as a marketing tool it's a marketing tool you have to like my my view is you have to combine the audiences I have the food audience yep but how do I combine the other the cultural War audience you know the other audiences like thinking the marketing brain is thinking so anyways I have a girlfriend now and uh bringing her to do all the templated stuff yesterday we are out uh somewhere and I was doing a gig yesterday so she came along there's a lineup of like four different comedians and uh we just hung out with a few other comedians like friends and there was an old older guy there and the older girls hitting on her oh no oh guys always hit on young women that's so awkward no I don't think so it'll be weirder if an old guy isn't hitting on a young woman like what do you have cancer is is your life ending why are you not hitting on her you know what I mean did he not know that you two were together yeah he knows these days oh guys always do this because you don't feel uncomfortable with it no it's just a cute old guy being a cute old guy or you say old is this why you say oh he's 40 or something no 60s 60s 70s okay yeah yeah exact age okay but it's cute I like seeing old men flirt with my girl it's harmless it's harmless you know and she was enjoying it enjoying the attention it's weirder if an old guy doesn't flirt with a woman yeah true you know what I mean also sad for them it would be a bit embarrassing I guess you look very insecure if you kicked off because this old guy was showing up yeah oh man they know they're gonna get away with it that's why they do it they know they can get away with it and it's cute listeners you have a partner and an old guy starts hitting on the partner it's good that means she's cute or is it quite wholesome hitting on was it just yeah yeah it's just like you could see him being a bit more animated when she's talking to her right right he's never liked that when he talks to me you know what what do you want and then she comes in the picture so I hear where you live it's really nice I've been there once you know when I was younger days you know if only I were younger that kind of vibe it's not as cute yeah okay if an old guy doesn't hit on a woman and I've doesn't hit on your girl either one your girl's ugly or the old guys that has terminal cancer and it's just pondering his mortality he's sad that means he's healthy and everybody's happy I'm like oh yeah old guy's gonna live yeah old guy is gonna live I don't even go past the test I guess as well yeah the the sufficiently heart test what she's gonna appear on my Instagram stories I don't want people to like skip skip the story oh yeah have you done the soft launcher no not yet you're not like that that's another Green Flash that's another green flag he doesn't like make me do the soft launch she doesn't have a very thotty Instagram whole pictures on her Instagram some of your stuff launches in the past were ridiculous so I'm glad you've learned from here you're like yeah I was being really subtle [Laughter] no soft launching no more soft launching well maybe one day that's a hard launch yeah hot launch on the wedding day that's it join Instagram account no no no join Instagram nothing I'm not even gonna follow her I'm gonna unfollow her so you can even know who it is [ __ ] creeps my fans will just start googling on Reddit you know she's cool what about you how's your life it's been two months since the last talked two months yeah anything new yeah get married still yeah monogamy he's just about it'll be five years this year oh five years congratulations you sold the house yeah yeah so moving to Bournemouth yep got a date booked in for that we're packing everything up at the moment bit by bit by yourself yeah sure well I did look into like movers but because it's like a two-hour journey and everything oh it's gonna be like 1500 quid you could okay I'll do it they can load your stuff for you you could drive it no because even then yeah no I like the it makes me feel good doing it myself you know movers are worth it man I've got movers my friends can be my movers they can come round I would hate it if my friends asked me to help them what are you doing April 3rd I won't be I'm in Tokyo I'm in Tokyo dang [ __ ] can you imagine asking your boss to help you move the Nerf Nerf listeners have you ever done this I think that'd be a nice gesture from you come back from Tokyo and help us move all jet lagged and [ __ ] that hey man where does this vase go where does his vase go the nerve do you ask your other podcast people your podcast podcasters your your culture and arts and culture Canadian women podcast you ask them to help me move you're getting too comfortable man if my friend asked me to help them move that's how I know they're not a friend anymore I'm like dude the fact you ask you're asking me do you know how busy I am let me just throw you 100 quid just give yourself just [ __ ] get rid of that [ __ ] do it yourself no you're loud one I think you're allowed to ask one when you're 25 sure once you're in your 30s no more ask your friend to move I have to turn that into a bit someday I think there's certain things people in the 30s can't do yeah ask your friend to move for free pizza is one of them right that's what you're gonna do right let's get some dominoes literally saying oh yeah we'll just get him a takeaway you're in your 30s guys in your 30s man tea for Tuesday stop asking your friends to help you move if you're in your 30s tiresome guys or move for yourself fine move for yourself for the sake of your marriage I hope you hire some movers because that's just argument Central okay potentially movers are also good they know how to wrap up your plates properly it gives me a chance to be like a bloke explode because I don't do that very okay where are you gonna get the boxes I've voted some they're the wrong size [Laughter] Jim was like can you get some of the like plastic ones and the cardboard ones and then the plastic ones came there like this if you could like put some makeup in it and I was like oh [ __ ] so you know you have to return it uh no we're using it oh God you gotta get your money's worth five Chopsticks in there and then the cardboard ones I thought yeah I'm gonna put my records in here and it doesn't fit so I need to buy more of them see boxes are expensive yeah the boxes they come free with the movers it's a racket I swear I'm gonna get a big Luton van which is the biggest you can get that's a Luton van they're like the listeners like it's not a lorry obviously but it's a big big fan so I'll be higher okay yeah because the people who know will be oh yeah all right I have no clue what you just said so Google image search Lutheran put it in here I'll put it up on the screen is your quirky British people who know will be like yeah fair play like well done okay good lad good lad we got quickly video [ __ ] yesterday I had a Chimney Sweep come in and then my girl opens the 1600 what what you have to clean your if your fireplace works if you clean your chimneys once a year or once every two weeks there's no way you can do it you need to be it needs to be certified you need to get a certificate yeah a heat test or something said certificate oh my God yeah it's expensive no 100 pounds oh yeah to keep your food otherwise it's a fire hazard and you get carbon monoxide if you imagine your chimney is blocked all the smoke just comes back on your living room do they let like a chimney sweep like a Neo like an Oliver Twist no no no she didn't look like Mary Poppins okay it's not he dressed like just you and me wait just knows he was wearing a hoodie yeah jeans it just comes maybe I got ripped off maybe just a random like yeah I'll do it yeah and then he just ran the doorbell I was showering so my girl uh just answered the door and he was like oh it's a chimney sweep Chimney Sweep mate I'm a chimney sweep I can't even say it and the chimney sweep was it a bit cut yeah yeah it's like always all these trains East London you know cocky people and then she's just found it so adorable chimney she said to me she said it to me so all your chimney sweep I feel like I'm living in Oliver Twist novel Chimney Sweep he needs to lean into the uniform a bit more though if he's got the accent he's got the company [Music] if you pay 500 pounds yeah he'll shove all his bells and whistles have soot on his face oh I would love that bring his little kid along can I have some porridge master porridge please but yeah she found it very adorable the chimney sweep so Lou and Van yeah yeah is your version of the chimney sweep I'm gonna look badass in that loom band gemma's gonna be like I'm so glad I married you five years ago I'm a bit nervous so as long as I reclaim your manhood and yeah better [ __ ] it if you are renting it why would you not [ __ ] loot invent is that white van no windows right uh true yeah yeah why would you not [ __ ] it I don't think it'd be very nice it's a nice story yeah I guess it's still strict monogamy yeah you have to you have to have that story and you better we have one more episode oh my God we're gonna film in April after you move literally go out with a bang yes exactly you better [ __ ] the Luton van I need to see the receipts take a photo take a photo of the used condom in the corner of the van comment Kitty you're probably raw Docker can you imagine if you got her pregnant in the Luton van that would be horrible yeah what a horrible why am I named Lou and Van Well Luton yeah where's my name Luton well [Laughter] and then where's my name Holiday Inn my name Travelodge those are three kids travel art Holiday Inn lutenberg Toby carvery Bentley [Laughter] yeah better not be Nigel's house bet Levine you have the mattress in the Luton van uh yeah okay keep the sheets on because the match is going to get dirty thickness why not why else would you hire a white van if you're not a pedophile why else did you have like a windowless white Luton van you tell me I love how you're cooling at the Loop then yeah that's giving it the respect okay I don't even know what I can't picture in my head I just assume it's like a pedophile white van but bigger you know it's big big old boy it's big because staff up to 12 kids yeah yeah efficient efficient none of this making two trips [ __ ] exactly I traffic my kids in one's goal traffic them in one go some people um nice transition all right say it and they turn it into their home like you know those um you know like a campervan almost they do yeah it's quite clever yeah the poverty mobile it's only classy if you're rich and you do that right yeah if a poor person does it it's white trash if a rich person does it it's like oh he's such a nomad yeah that's a Nomads of free spirit so listeners we're gonna cover this next month I'm gonna write it down in my notes has Matt [ __ ] Gemma in the loot Advanced oh what a sentence for our of our last episode that will come in a couple in a few weeks time we're all our age you know at your age and my friends at my age they're all trying for kids now right and then it got me thinking man like kids now they're so expensive yeah everything and then my my mom and dad both have 11 siblings each so they're all from a family of 12. oh my God so I just look at it I was like [ __ ] how did you guys manage wait so do you have like 20 aunties and uncles yeah I haven't met all of them I haven't met off of them I still meet new ones every now and then are the aunties and uncles kids that's amazing you know yeah so your cousins yeah and the age difference is so bad I have uncles who are like 20 years younger than me I remember I remember when I was 18 I met my uncle who was two I'm gonna call this toddler and uncle what the [ __ ] is happening here because the age difference is so wide you know because there's 12 siblings that's amazing my grandma's a [ __ ] machine bro pumping them out literally [Laughter] Grandpa's just raw dogging her every day just just horny as [ __ ] those people there's raw dogging here and my mom would tell me like oh your life Nigel life is so good you know you can have your so many things I gave you so much you know how poor we were growing up you know how poor of course you're [ __ ] poor mom with 11 siblings everything split 12 ways of course you're poor don't blame me you know my God that food shop must have been so expensive Jesus you need a looted man for that ain't my Grandpa and Grandma knows what a Luton van is yeah dead they fulfilled their life it's a purpose what means disrespectful that's what happened dude that's what happened your mom is gonna be upset hearing that no she's she's she thinks it's funny oh okay I was very close to my mom's mom okay yeah so wherever she is so you're allowed to say that she got she'll look down and listen to this podcast and she'll Chuckles yeah I did pump them out and died there you see ya fine Lisa recognition go fend for yourself I'm sick of taking care of you maybe that's why she left at 12 [ __ ] me bye fan for yourself yeah she's like a giraffe giving birth to kids and two hours later just walk walk or you're not walking yet walk walk [ __ ] walk can't believe we are the only species who takes care of kids under the 18. yeah yeah most animals take care of the we take care of our kids for like 18 years at least right most animals take care of the kids for like 18 minutes yeah walk walk walk maybe that's how parenting's supposed to go let's defend for themselves right 12 kids there's no way you can pay attention to 12 kids I agree with that I wonder if you even remember all their names you know that is so fertile that's so fertile spiral counts are dropping all over the world yep so [ __ ] me man 12 kids wow the Elon Musk level that's Elon Musk level why would you keep going I just don't understand it's fine yeah no not the sex spit but like that just put a condom on like I don't know how else to say it get a vasectomy grandma's [ __ ] must have felt amazing that's that's the only that's the only explanation that's the only explanation oh my God wow yeah wow how many siblings do your parents have how many siblings does your mom have uh one yeah a terrible [ __ ] your grandma terrible [ __ ] [ __ ] loose as [ __ ] aircraft having a [ __ ] you know oh my God I'm so clever sorry got a mediocre [ __ ] you know a gemma's gonna be over oh what did you talk about today how good Nigel's Grandma [ __ ] is what do I choose between well [ __ ] in a Luton bag at least my grandma's vaginas didn't you miss it the last month oh did you miss this my life was so much wrong it's simple wasn't there a hole in your heart where Nigel's inappropriate comments was should have been I forgot what it's like because that's walking here it's a lovely day oh it's just gonna be fun I'm looking forward to this within five minutes I remember like [ __ ] remember our previous episode was Monterey Park remember that yeah we didn't get into trouble see yeah I was very worried yeah people who follow me no I have a [ __ ] up sense of humor even in the uncle Roger videos it comes through I mentioned it to your agent and he didn't know that we did an episode on that he's like what Matt to Matt the other hand [Music] yeah the shootings people liked it people thought it was funny people thanked me for covering it so I really hope you conceive your first child in the Luton van I know what you're saying all this you're saying all of this because you can't say it on sets because all the actors and things are so sensitive so yeah get it all out here actors so sensitive man just wrapped up a Comedy Central sketch show yeah congrats thank you thank you very much thank you uh I'm really proud of it and it's one of those things um I do it because it's you you know I want to expand the business as a whole right and just doing YouTube is really fun and it grows yeah but there are other avenues to win a different audience and also it's a new skill acting to me it's a new skill I can take a lot of acting classes and stuff and I'm getting better at it so this year's sketches I I I'm pretty proud of my performances certain scenes I acted it out and when the directory out cut I got an Applause break for the acting it shuts up yeah seriously there's a scene where I acted out God's sake an Applause break I'm the Asian Daniel Day-Lewis okay I'm Asian Day Lewis amazing that's my new that's my new persona now no I mean well that seems a bit man I learned I learned the craft from the stanislavskian school of acting action my script I think of the given circumstance you know I have a whole mixing desk in my head and I can tweak it to get the emotion of the scene right he's doing like an art house after after that scene after the the outcut the I got the Applause and you're like oh Nigel that was so amazing what did you what did you do like why is it so amazing what did you do and I I said I just said I don't know I'm just overcome by this Force Within Me I don't know what I did with my my eyebrows my smile did I smile I don't know I just I was just acting you disappeared into the character yes spoke through me I'm I am but a vessel [Laughter] but yes actors are very sensitive but this schedule was good because there was a sketch in there that also a lot of improvising so they got like stand-ups to come active because you know we we go for the funny right we don't we can go read the lines and stuff we're not the best actors fine but we we can riff and make the characters funnier and it was so fun all the jokes oh everything goes man like we made fun of somebody's weight and then my character had a fat wife so they may find my fat wife the weird legs weird feet and it's all so fun and I have to say like if you got a bunch of actors to do that scene they'll be like body shaming is never funny I can't believe it's 2023 and you're still body shaming people body shaping is never funny I'm like it's pretty funny though can you see the fat woman fall and and I'm not saying it's um it's nice I'm saying it's pretty funny yeah a fat woman falling versus a hot skinny woman falling which one's funnier you tell me the rolls of fat rolling down the stairs you tell me you're not gonna lie just [Music] in comparison yeah right sure is it body shaming to find something funny you can't control what you find funny so it's so nice to work with stand-up comedians acting a c now yeah you know what I mean yeah yeah it makes sense yeah of course so good and the first season there are some people on the crew who are like a little bit more sensitive and every time I would I would be scared and when you're improvising you can't be scared of saying something though because once you start second you have to say the first thing that comes to mind because once you start doubting yourself I remember this person would say like you know it's not body shame it's not funny it's just the easiest thing you go for you know I'd rather work on the writing harder and write more like funnier stuff doesn't require body shaming I was like well sure you can write something funnier than body shaming go the funniest thing wins but some some circumstances the the fat stuff wins also why not have both the fat stuff and the good writing yeah [Music] you do both you know good riding and fat shaming good to both glad you got that off your chest yeah thank you so this year's sketch show I think is going to be much better than last year's I did it last year too The Comedy Central one yeah and Uncle Roger is going to make an appearance in this year's sketch show fun yeah don't worry I got my lawyers to write a class saying you will owe nothing no rights of this character correct very smart very smart were you expanding the law of um uncle Roger I'm trying to yeah nice it's grown I recently played a character called MSG Bay you see it on my Instagram yeah I saw that yeah so just experimented you know that that acting comes through man you know even though you can't tell but the acting really helps the uncle Roger character too it's a lot more real now very good nice thank you thank you I'm just an Arts I'm just artistic person yeah an artist an artist the thing is we're saying I've been laughing and too much time you're gonna say that but full stop yeah no I'm an artist and then I'll be like yeah I guess you are La is going to change me yeah yeah one thing about monogamy though it's it's kind of nice it saves me so much money you know being a [ __ ] boy is expensive I can't imagine that like because I have expensive tastes yeah I don't want to bring a woman to a shitty Pub I don't want to bring a woman to a weather spoons okay don't look at me when you say that I mean you brought me to a pack of men's boots I was like let's go to the Connaught and you're like no no no no no no no no no I have this place right now with my hands open the crisps yeah I all try to order a Negroni and the bartender just looked at me and what the [ __ ] is that the life you want Matt Loot and vans and weatherspoons crisps I just understand the four TVs it's fine it's fine but it's just you know I have to be consistent in my life if you have pharaoh and ball paint you can't go to weather spoons anymore okay yeah that's just incongruous who are you trying to be so it's very expensive doing the [ __ ] boy [ __ ] going out three four nights a week three four different women a week but are you not doing that but just with one woman now you're going up three four times a week or not yes but because she doesn't live here so I get a month to build up my savings and so much more time to work and I drink less yeah that's good yeah yeah that's good I'm just stuck at home all horny and [ __ ] it's all good it's all good that's what masturbation's for just masturbate I was gonna say if you've been hitting the gym but now I know yeah I have I haven't because you know because if you don't drink you actually do better at the gym your body recovers faster I can do more pull up I'm stronger nice and you sleep more so your body grows you know so it's good the only thing though is like without sex how do you end your days because when I was seeing people it's like you know the the orgasm that's the end of my day yeah but you know that it's time to get ready for bed I can go brush my teeth and all that stuff I'll kick around an Uber then put on my pajamas you know otherwise if you don't have sex how do you end your days okay alphabet you know I could always I could oh maybe I can reply to another email you know I could always there's no delineation there's no marking of the end of the day you need like a you need an end marker you're doing it every day yeah most days it was nice it was nice it's good so when she's away you're just like an absolute horn dog by yourself though [Laughter] you're gonna buy a flashlight a lot of PornHub it's a lot of PornHub I don't need to buy a flashlight I get sex toys delivered to me for free you know you actually do I know that's yeah yeah that's true I'll see you yes and I was like oh [ __ ] this company called Tanga they gave me some stuff probably gonna use that a lot you know the [ __ ] boy days are over have you used a wand by the way one of the DMS came in I was like oh I don't need to reply to Matt and then the next I saw you and prepare yes please send it to this address I can't understand it to my agent's address didn't tell my agents all right they call me Nigel what'd you get you know you have to open every package right yeah and then I said to them ah yeah that's funny for the podcast it's just for something a funny gag gift for Matt but then I was I was thinking to myself I don't think they they bought it I think they thought like I ordered sex toys and then to my agents and then I got caught I just made up an excuse yeah so the podcast episode the podcast amazing what that's how you stay monogamous yeah you know you have to [ __ ] a silicone tube that's how you stay with me that's it for this week see you see you later [Music]

Channel: HAIYAA with Nigel Ng

Views: 205,653

Keywords: nigel ng podcast, uncle roger podcast, haiyaa podcast

Id: H1DFB1WP5Bw

Length: 41min 1sec (2461 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 15 2023