Narcissistic Abuse: Tips For Healing by Lise Leblanc

imagine that you've been with your partner for the last two years five years ten years or more and throughout this time other than the beginning you've been manipulated demeaned gaslighted lied to maybe even cheated on your self-esteem is shot your sense of reality is Warped you may be isolated from friends and family no longer doing the things you used to love to do feeling lost trapped and wondering how in the world did I get here unfortunately this is the reality of so many people I'm Lisa blah therapist author and life coach and in today's video I will be talking about ways to break free from narcissistic abuse and at the end of this video I will tell you how to reduce your odds of attracting another narcissistic partner in the future please take a moment to like comment subscribe and hit the notification Bell I'm on the road to a hundred thousand subscribers and I really appreciate every single one of you who have followed my YouTube journey and supported my channel [Music] okay so let me just take one quick moment to Define narcissistic abuse so narcissistic abuse is exactly what it sounds like it's a pattern of manipulative and abusive behaviors inflicted by a person with narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic traits onto a victim so to learn more about NPD click on the link above okay so here are seven tips to help you break free from narcissistic abuse number one face reality the first step in Breaking Free from a toxic relationship is recognizing and acknowledging the situation that you're in stop rationalizing and making excuses and instead objectively examine the patterns and behaviors document The Good the Bad and the Ugly then place it all on a timeline or in a chart so that you can clearly see the cycle of abuse now that it's on paper in black and white you will see how the abuser alternates between showing you affection and Care followed by abusive behavior and then attempts to repair and reconcile it's very important to realize that not all interactions are negative or nasty there are good moments maybe even amazing moments which creates hope making it incredibly confusing and difficult to admit even just to yourself what's really going on or you may be well aware that you're being abused but part of you also wants to believe the abusers promises to change or maybe you're staying because you're afraid you feel obligated guilty and while you're in this fog that has formed over months or even years of subtle and Insidious narcissistic abuse you may have become fully dependent on the narcissist and truly believe that you can't leave however when you are finally able to recognize and admit that you are experiencing narcissistic abuse you are in a toxic relationship you have taken the first step to Breaking Free number two build up your support network one very common strategy used by narcissists is to isolate their victim from friends and family and the reason that they do this is to give themselves even more power and control over you and reduce any outside influences or the chances that you will get a reality check and leave them number three build up your self-esteem and practice self-care narcissists work really really hard to lower their partner self-esteem by demeaning insulting criticizing accusing gaslighting and sometimes it's to the point where the victim really believes that they can't live without the narcissist or they don't deserve better or that they deserve this type of treatment practicing self-care is about doing things to take care of you things that give you a sense of purpose and make you feel better about yourself a big reason why people have so much difficulty leaving a toxic partner is that their self-worth their self-confidence and their sense of self has been destroyed they don't know who they are anymore and they're totally totally disconnected from what they want what their needs are their goals their Vision about what they want to experience and accomplish in this lifetime by practicing self-care and having other interests and goals to fall back on having a life apart from the narcissist will give you insight into other ways that you could be thinking feeling and living your life you might need to do some self-reflection some research and experimentation to figure out what lights you up but just be forewarned that when you start building yourself up this will trigger the narcissist and make them feel insecure like they are losing control and this could potentially lead to an escalation of their abusive Behavior number four make a conscious decision if and when you realize that you are being psychologically abused by a narcissist then it's time to stop hoping that they will change and to actually start taking steps to change your situation and your decisions unless the narcissist in your life is receiving intensive treatment and making real progress over time then you can expect that the future will play out exactly how the rest of your relationship has played out the reality is that you can't change the narcissist all you can do is change your actions and your decisions if you decide to stay do so with full awareness of what you're signing up for and why narcissistic personality disorders and illness although the person might be super intelligent they may be very talented they are also emotionally stunted so if you stay realize that you need to learn how to cope with who they are and how they behave and again expect them to behave in the ways that they always have and don't be shocked when the cycle of abuse starts over because it always does if on the other hand you decide that you're opting out of this toxic relationship then make a conscious decision about it and ask yourself what steps will you need to take what are your fears what are the potential consequences of leaving what are the costs of staying what are the expected benefits of getting out of this situation and what obstacles might you encounter I highly recommend you discuss your decision to leave with a trusted friend or with a professional who can help you overcome these fears and develop contingency plans because you're probably going to need them number five if you succeed to leave Don't Look Back often a toxic partner will use emotional and psychological manipulation tactics to try to get you back in the game this is known as hoovering so imagine you're just gone through all this trouble to end the toxic relationship and just as you're starting to build your life back up and get back on track feel like a normal human being again they show up out of the blue in your inbox at your gym or at some event you're attending they're apologetic reminiscing telling you how lost they've been without you and they just want one more chance you might think that they've really changed and that is your mistake because things might be amazing at first but nothing has changed the cycle is simply starting over and next thing you know you're stuck in quicksand asking yourself how you fell for the narcissist same old bag of tricks and I'm sorry to say this but that's on you once you know who you're dealing with the game they're playing then it's up to you to take responsibility for getting the help you need to stay out of the narcissists traps and to make healthy relationship choices easier said than done I know which is why it's a really good idea to get as much support as possible obviously going no contact with the narcissist is the best option because it prevents hoovering and it also prevents you from making bad decisions especially in those early days and early months when part of use is still longing for them so if you can close the energy Highway and completely cut them off physically and psychologically that's your best bet if you can't then use the gray rock method which basically involves becoming emotionally unresponsive and as uninteresting as a gray rock number six let go of what could have been and allow yourself to process the reality of what actually happened most people realize that the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist was too good to be true and they often admit that they saw red flags but ignored them thinking that they could handle it overcome the challenges and beat the odds at the end of the relationship they feel duped by The Narcissist but in a lot of ways they dupe themselves yes it's true The Narcissist uses manipulation tactics to hijack your attachment system and get you addicted to them but then they do show their true colors The Mask drops and at some point you realize that there is no Promised Land never was you realize you made a bad investment but you just can't face that reality maybe you stayed because of a trauma Bond cognitive dissonance Financial dependence low self-worth maybe it was fear of negative consequences or perhaps it was an effort to protect your kids whatever the reasons at some point you chose to continue to uphold the delusions but when You Face Reality in its entirety that's when the real healing can begin you can stop blaming the narcissist for being a narcissist and you can use your time and energy to get to the root causes of What attracted you to this person and what kept you involved in a toxic relationship when you process your emotions and your experiences not only related to The Narcissist or to this toxic relationship but also those painful experiences that happen long before you even met the narcissist that's when you can heal at a core level and get on with your life with post-traumatic growth rather than post-traumatic stress number seven set your boundaries and your non-negotiables a critical aspect of having healthy relationships is having boundaries and knowing what is negotiable and non-negotiable to you when it comes to what you will accept from others so get clear about what you are not willing to negotiate on these are all those things that no matter what happens you're not going to negotiate on them start paying attention to the situations when you are compromising your non-negotiables when why and who do you allow to cross those boundaries and how do you feel when that happens how could you handle these situations with more self-respect the thing to remember about personal boundaries is that you are the one that wants them and needs them and so you are the one who is responsible for enforcing them maybe you pride yourself on being a loyal and reliable partner and going all in when it comes to commitment but ask yourself are you betraying yourself along the way if you've had this type of relationship before and you want to avoid it in the future consider the possibility that there is something inside of you that needs your attention there's only so many times that the same problem or pattern can play out before you recognize that you might have something to do with it and if you need help recovering from a toxic relationship or getting to the root of what got you involved with a toxic relationship or you want to avoid it in the future then contact the therapist in your area who has experience with trauma and with narcissistic abuse thanks so much for watching please take a moment to comment like subscribe and if you're interested in learning more about narcissistic abuse please click on the link above [Music]

Channel: Lise Leblanc

Views: 14,692

Keywords: Narcissistic Abuse: Tips For Healing by Lise Leblanc, narcissistic abuse: tips for healing by lise leblanc, narcissists hate you, female covert narcissist, how to leave narcissist, how narcissists manipulate, how narcissists control you, Narcissistic Abuse: Tips For Healing, narcissistic abuse: tips for healing, narcissistic abuse recovery, narcissistic abuse, Tips For Healing by Lise Leblanc, tips for healing by lise leblanc, Healing by Lise Leblanc, healing by lise leblanc, Lise

Id: Ws4j4nsK9sM

Length: 14min 13sec (853 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 21 2023