My Selfishness Ruined My Family + (Son's Response Post)

trigger warning infidelity family struggles violence trauma my selfishness ruined my family here's a tldr I had an affair my ex walked in on us acted out went to jail for 5 years and spent four of them in protective custody after an attempt my kids refuse to acknowledge me my brother hates me and I've been trying so hard to make amends especially with my ex since he got out I'm a selfish person at least that is what I say to myself repeatedly almost every night when I hear the silence in my home my children aren't here my ex-husband hates me for good reason my immediate family is divided and I never stopped hating myself for what I did my selfish act happened in 2015 I just turned 39 and I admit I took my ex-husband for granted my ex always told me that I was beautiful on a daily basis always wanted to have SX always took care of me and treated me like his equal he never treated me like a queen or a princess I was his partner we'd been married for 20 years by that time high school sweethearts were each other's one and only and it felt right my family loved him my brother looked up to him and my ex helped him through a lot of tough situations my ex was the one people called when they were in trouble and he helped them he was a good man through the years I gave him two headstrong boys at the time of this they were 18 16 and twin princesses 13 I gained weight and felt self-conscious and he would tell me that I was beautiful our arguments were always few and far between we talked everything out but when we did argue it was usually about SX or lack thereof on my behalf and the things I refused to do in bed it wasn't as if I didn't want to do them it's just that I wasn't in the mood and he understood when I turned 39 my birthday party revealed the new me I spent all year in the gym doing yoga and pilates my effort took me from being 180 to 135 and for me it was an amazing transformation I've always been a chubby girl so to have a body that was tight and fit was a new experience my ex-husband also went to the gym with me but not as much however he went from from 260 to 225 and was starting to shape his body my ex-husband couldn't keep his hands off of me but for some reason I still wasn't in the mood it's not like he didn't try we went to dinners danced and did Regular walks he always helped around the house and I could see in his eyes how much he loved and lusted for me we spent 20 years together and he still looked at me with desire I believe any woman would desperately want that but mentally I just wasn't in the mood at the time I thought I was going through early menopause since we only had sx2 maybe three times a month and I was just one and done but he wanted more and no matter how much he tried I just wasn't into it he mentioned couple counseling and I refused so now my selfishness comes into play a new manager started working in my office a few days after my birthday he was slightly younger and handsome and for some reason he took an interest in me at first I ignored him then it went from ignoring to casual conversation then he flirted and I showed him my ring however after 2 months of constant flirting I flirted back which led to me telling him about my life and I found myself thinking about him more and more this was an emotional affair I know that now but at the time I felt High my ex-husband suspected there was something off with me we had a heated argument about it one that I honestly believed started he went to kiss me and I subconsciously made a disgusted look it wasn't towards my ex I was thinking about this man when he leaned in and I felt disgusted with the whole thing at least that is what I say to myself a week after that day I told the new manager to meet me at a cafe so we could talk I had every intention to tell this man to leave me alone I told him that I couldn't do this but before I could say anything to him he kissed me and my mind went blank that was the beginning of our six-month affair during that time I did things for this man that my ex wanted I was more eager and willing I was always in the mood I believe it was because it was something new my ex and I did have SX during this time but not as frequently I began pushing him away nitpicking on his little habit I even belittled him I'm ashamed of how I treated him during that time I only realized what I was doing when my brother came to visit me and told me that my ex confided to him about how depressed he was feeling and was thinking about filing a separation saying that he felt that I don't love him anymore and that he was starting to fall out of love with me and that snapped me out of it so I immediately called it off quit my job and told myself that I was going to make my husband feel loved and wanted I was going to fix this I was going to be a better wife if I could my AP showed up at my house with a box from my office stuff from my desk that I requested to have shipped we spoke he wanted to know what he did wrong and I told him that I needed to fix my marriage I told him to leave and he wanted one last go around and I told him no and he begged pleaded and like a fool I agreed we went to the guest room and we went at it I do not know how long we were doing it but when he was on top of me I felt him violently jerk back and there was a loud bang I sat up and my ex was looking at me my AP was on the floor and there was a large hole in the wall I tried to say something to my ex but his eyes were bloodshot there were tears flowing and his lips were trembling I could see he was in so much pain and I felt so disgusted I watched as my AP stood up and attempted to leave my ex looked at him and my AP told him that if he knew what was good for him he'd step back so my ex attacked him I screamed and cried telling my ex to stop and out of desperation I jumped on his back which resulted in me getting slammed to the floor everything got hazy for a while words sounded muffled but when I came through my ex had my AP on his side and he was on the phone all I could do was stare at my ap's swollen face and the blood and teeth on the floor beside him there was a loud bang on the door and I watched my ex put the phone on speaker slowly place it on the floor drop to his knees and plac his hands on the back of his head the door opened and the police came in handcuffed him and the paramedics came in moments later I soon learned that he called 911 on himself everything went to us HT in a hand basket at the hospital my father didn't utter a word to me he just looked at me with shame my brother was yelling at me he looked crushed asking me how I could do that to my ex my mother was consoling me telling me that it was all right which caused my father to yell at her his family was Furious his sisters threatened and his parents looked like they wanted to send me to an early grave I approached my children and they refused to speak to me my sons couldn't even look at me my AP was heavily injured and needed reconstructive surgery on his face my EXP practically shattered his face at the hospital a woman came to my room and immediately attacked me my brother pulled her off of me and it turned out she was my ap's wife I didn't know he was married he never wore a ring never once said anything it made me feel even more terrible leading up to the trial my boys stayed with their grandparents on my husband's side and My Girls refused to talk to me my ex didn't want to see me as well I tried to visit him at the county but I was denied my brother made sure my ex went to the correctional facility he was working working at so he could keep an eye on him when I asked my brother if he could relay a message for me he told me to go to hell during the trial it was the first time in 3 months that I saw him he looked at me with such anger that it hurt more than anything I could ever imagine he always looked at me with love even when we were mad at one another he always looked at me with love but during that trial it was hate and I needed to excuse myself so I could cry in the restroom as the days went by I was forced to recount my Affair in every detail for all to hear when I told them how long it was my ex looked crushed and my father stood up and walked out of the courtroom during my ex's testimony I learned that he came home to surprise me with lunch and a weekend trip for two to the cats gills he had a full romantic getaway planned only to walk in on us and he reacted he stated that when the AP ordered him to step aside he snapped and beat him only to stop when he tossed me off him he quickly called 911 and heard the recording at court hearing the pain in his voice he sobbed as he did what the operator told him to do it was Soul crushing the the AP couldn't verbally testify and was heavily medicated so they used images of what he looked like which turned my stomach because I was responsible for all this my ex smashed his eye socket cheekbones and destroyed his jaw they stated that there were bone fragments too small to piece together my ex was charged with a third degree felony and sentenced to 7 years which caused my sons to shout and protest and my daughters and his family to let out a whale that haunts me to this day the first 3 months were torturous I was sued by my apst tbx wife for alienation of affection my ex filed for divorce my eldest moved out my other son stayed in his room and my twins were rebelling hard my former sister-in-law attacked me in the middle of Price Chopper his mother spat in my face when I tried to apologize to her my father and brother refused to speak to me eventually I needed to find a new job there was no money coming in and I nearly went through the savings but I was pretty much blacklisted in my field it was bad publicity for the accounting firm so I started working in retail and worked as a seasonal h andr block adjuster during the tax rush I almost lost the house my ex refused to allow me to visit him and every letter was returned crying in the shower became an almost daily occurrence my parents almost separated because my mother constantly defended me my brother refused to acknowledge me even my friends whom I had had since grade school were divided soon I began to have thoughts of ending things of picking up my belongings and of Disappearing the guilt was so heavy eventually I saw a therapist and she scolded me she told me that I just got comfortable with my ex I didn't see him as a husband I saw him as a friend with benefits and I treated him as much she's right I did I got too comfortable with him I saw him as a companion yet he saw me as his wife the mother of his children and the woman he loved and desired I took him for granted almost a year went by after a year of Silence from my children when I cooked dinner they would collect their food and go to their rooms refusing to even look at me I did have a few meltdown Downs begging them to say something to me but nothing my brother got married and I wasn't invited my kids were I continued to try to visit my ex in hopes that he would Place me on the visitor list but I was always denied my letters were still being returned it made me severely depressed and I knew I deserved it then one day out of the blue my brother showed up I was shocked to see him and happy this was the first time since the trial he came to my house and he just came to scold me he told me that my ex was in the infirmary after getting stabbed an inate tried to ask shly assault him in his cell resulting in my ex getting stabbed in his stomach and the inmate getting his spine broken my brother screamed at me you did this before going back to his truck I cried for days after that because he was right I did this I tried to visit him at the infirmary but I was still denied for four additional years I tried to talk to him and still wrote letters but they were returned thankfully our children visited their father a lot that is how I learned he was placed in protective custody by my brother since his attack Through The Years my eldest went to the same College my ex attended and even took the same major he only calls his siblings he never wanted to talk to me he never comes to the house for the holidays only to his grandparents my other son followed suit by going to the same college and refusing to call me as well my twins were hard on me but they visited their father weekly which improved their mood and whenever they got overly rebellious they had their Uncle put them in their place but my brother and I still hardly spoke I tried to visit his wife when they had their first child but I was asked to leave my mother kept me in the loop about what was happening in their lives my father still refused to acknowledge me then at the beginning of May this year my kids were happy and my sons came home I didn't know why and I didn't care they were home for 4 months my children were around and I did everything I could to show them how sorry I was but I was mostly ignored but they were talking to me and it made me so happy to have a conversation with them to know what was happening in their lives my eldest was dating a woman for over a year Year my second born was on a college track team even my girls began to talk to me again and I hated myself even more for what I did to them I saw them smiling again joking and eating dinner together I missed it so much at the end of August I was all gearing up for the twins first day of their senior year which also falls on their 18th birthday I expressed my excitement over their birthday party told them what I was planning to do and without hesitation my girls asked me if we could do it on a different day it confused me because I thought we were starting to get better when I asked why one of them said because Dad is throwing us a party and I don't want you near him that comment shocked me I asked when their father was released and they said he got out at the end of April for good behavior I cried because he was out and it broke me a bit more they were around more because he was out they were happier and more cheerful because they had their father back in their lives it wasn't because we were starting to heal they got him back I asked where he was staying and they told me that he was staying with my brother I tried calling I needed to talk to him but he refused I tried going over holding all of the letters that were returned through the years and I saw him briefly through the door crack I shouted out his name and I was asked to leave by my brother I handed him the letters and left when I got to the driveway I heard his voice I turned around and he was walking towards me I instantly started crying and went to hug him and he handed me back my letters you forgot this he coldly said to me and I cried watching him walk away I begged him I pleaded for him to just talk to me and he just walked back back into that house my children were staring at me by the door and they all had no love in their eyes for me at that moment I realized that my children were just tolerating me however I still want to fix this I want to tell him how selfish I was I want to tell him how much I miss him tell him that I am so sorry for destroying what we had so I'm trying to still push through my daily life I learned from my mother that my ap's ex-wife was visiting my ex 2 years ago and she's been coming around to see him I don't care really I just want him to somehow forgive me me I want him to talk to me I want him to be beside me I want him to look at me the way that he used to I want my kids beside us I just want my family back yet I know I don't deserve it even if by some miracle we become one again it will never be the same I was selfish and I wish I could take it all back son's response this is a response to my mother's post my selfishness ruined my family on support for Wayward I'm a regular on Reddit so I am using a throwaway because I really don't want any of the people I know in my social life life to know that this is me I strive to keep my past a secret my college friends don't know that my dad was in prison nor do I care to tell them so when I walked around campus and heard a lot of people talking about this post and effing sharing it brought back a lot of emotions that I have been trying to overcome so I looked it up and there was enough information provided to know that it was about my family which angered me I reached out to my mother who began with the damn Waterworks and I yelled at her when I went to see my dad and told him what I did he yelled at me my father father is a good man he only yelled at me for cursing my mother it tells me that I may not love my mother but I need to respect her it's hard to respect someone like that my father always struggled he would drill into our heads that we should be grateful for growing up in an area where we wouldn't get attacked for getting good grades or getting caught reading by the kids where you're jumped for wanting white things like going to college he told us it was like that for him in the South Bronx my aunts told us how he joined a gang at 13 just so he could be left alone while he went to school when he was his father passed away from cancer and my father had to be a surrogate parent to his two sisters since there was no life insurance he worked and did what he had to do in order to help pay the rent and put food on the table while still attending school my dad said it was fortunate that his mother remarried a good man and they moved to Upstate New York for a better life from what my uncle told me he and his friends thought my dad was weird it was the '90s and my dad walked into school with really baggy clothing and a Puerto Rick and flag shirt and they decided to mess mess with him my uncle said they didn't expect my dad to instantly fight them and he kicked their Ares but instead of walking away my dad helped him up and asked if he wanted to skip school share a 40 and talk things out my uncle said when my dad did that he knew they were going to be friends and they started hanging out he introduced him to my mom and they HIIT it off they went to the same college and by the end of their freshman year they were married growing up my parents were a lovey-dovey couple they were always holding hands and kissing and it was really embarrassing even at the start of my senior year when everything went to sht he was acting like a teenager when it came to my mom he loved her respected her I can honestly say he never placed her on a pedestal he would tell me that a woman will not respect a man who places them on a pedestal and when I asked why he said because they will always be looking down on you my dad told me that his father and stepfather had the same mindset you treat your wife as your equal she is your best friend she is your Confidant like you are hers my dad dad had his quirks he was a big guy and always choked he was 5 and 11 260 lb and despite being heavy he was very active I used to love it when he would sing to my mom we all did he would serenate her buy her flowers and write on the card because it's a Thursday and I was thinking about you he wrote her the occasional love letter and would defend her honor when someone was rude or disrespectful to her I always told her how beautiful she was my dad showed the girls what kind of man they should have in their lives when it came came to my uncle my dad was always there for him even when everyone thought he was a lost cause my dad never gave up on him and as my grandfather once said he knocked the stupid out of him and left behind the man he was supposed to be that phrase always made me laugh my dad showed me how a man a friend and a husband are supposed to act and my mother before her Affair always loved my dad he always supported her and encouraged her he was her one man pep rally when she was down in the dumps and she was his for all of us they had the marriage we wanted to have then my mom messed it up I remember those months she would talk to my father as if he were beneath her and he pushed back but restrained himself even though my father graduated college and has a successful career as a financial adviser he can go from zero to ghetto in 0.5 seconds grandma said he was like his father kind respectable and helpful he wouldn't hesitate to rip your throat out with his bare hands my Dad tried everything buying her flowers trying to take her out to dinner and dancing but she was in her own little world treating him like us HT we all saw it it was really having a big effect on my brother and twin sisters but my dad would smile and tell us that they would work it out he would tell us that Mom was probably really stressed at work and bringing it home and I believed that especially when she quit her job I honestly thought it was her job that was the problem then my dad was arrested Mom do you know the embarrassment we felt when the entire school was talking about what happened my dad was arrested because my mom couldn't keep her legs closed I couldn't bear to look at you you which is why I went to stay at Grandma's house the sight of you disgusted me and when I visited my dad he couldn't bear to look at me he was ashamed he told me he failed as a husband and as a man I told him he didn't but he said he did because a man would have thought about the consequences of his actions before doing something so effing stupid and he failed as a husband because his wife fed another man I told him to please look at me and he wouldn't then you had the audacity to ask us for forgiveness and for the first time in my life I wanted to physically hurt you we were all hurting and you wanted forgiveness when I sat in that trial listening to that 911 call was the worst 25 minutes of my life 25 minutes listening to my father who would have harm others and un alive for you crying asking the operator for help telling that woman that he thinks he just unived someone listening to that woman talk him down while hearing him say over and over that the love of my life cheated on me hurt us more than anything I know you tried to act as a character witness for Dad we all told you not to do it and you did it anyway way why did you want to show us that you still loved him tell the court that he's a good man because in my opinion that cross-examination where you told everyone how long you were with that son of an itch was why we lost him why he was sent to jail and I believe if we had an actual lawyer instead of an appointed one he would have walked I had anger issues because of that my brother became a closet alcoholic one of the twins was self-harming and you didn't notice all you wanted was to try and fix things with Dad leaving me to keep my siblings afloat I hated you in some way I still do when I went to college I wanted nothing to do with you like my father I had to be a surrogate parent for my siblings I was working a full-time job going to college and sending you money to help pay for the bills I don't know why you made it look like you were doing it on your own mom I know it was hard I know you were really depressed but you had help with the bills and Grandma did defend you but she only did it because everyone was against you at least that is what the twins believe when my dad got stabbed I almost had a nervous breakdown I just saw him that day I was poking fun at how muscular he got and we had a good laugh at what Dad called the prison body plan he made it sound like a fun commercial I was halfway back to school when I got the phone call I nearly crashed the car because my brain turned off it was hard for everybody I didn't tell anyone this but I sat outside that saab's apartment I wanted to screw him up so badly but when I saw him walking with that cane I remembered what Dad said and drove off as the years passed Grandma passed away then Grandpa a few days later from broken heart syndrome and Dad couldn't attend the funeral did you know that both his sisters got married in the waiting area just so he could give them away the damage you've done to all of us is tremendous and it didn't help that you kept asking us to forgive you to give you another chance you never gave us room to comprehend or heal you just kept asking and all I see is that you wanted to make yourself feel better you didn't give a damn you didn't try you just gave us space and acted as if we were supposed to suddenly act like we were normal again yes you did try in the the later years but didn't during the time you were supposed to when it was the most important when Dad got out he told us to start talking to you you told us that you're a good mother to us and therefore we should show you some respect so we did and it made you happy for a while I remembered what it was like not to hate you dad was having issues trying to find work at first but one of his old clients hired him I didn't expect the twins to throw that bomb at you Dad did not want you to know he was out so when you appeared it really bothered him he threw up after he spoke to you he said the very side of you sickened him as for your statement in your post about that ex-wife coming to see Dad she's been coming to see Dad weekly for over 3 years and they've been spending time together since he got out so please stop building a castle in the sky as the two of you get back together if you want to talk about this call me you want to fix things with your children call me what you did last week posting what is arguably the worst moment in our lives is pure selfishness as your title suggested I told my dad about this and he doesn't care he said you're just the mother of his children nothing else thank you for watching the video if you enjoy listening to these kinds of stories we've got more in store for you simply subscribe to our Channel hit the like button and share it with your friends

Channel: Silentvoices

Views: 94,565

Keywords: reddit, reddit stories, reddit confessions, true off chest, entitled parents, confession, rentitled people, karen stories, karen, disturbing stories, aita, aitah, letsnotmeet, nuclera revange, open marriage, sa, SA, disowned

Id: 5EnAXs8Doms

Length: 23min 11sec (1391 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 20 2023