Brother Ruined My Life & Got Me Disowned—Now He's Begging Me to Talk Because Our Parents...

I'm a 28-year-old woman and my brother who's 30 has always been the Golden Child in our family it felt like he could do no wrong in our parents eyes my arrival was an accident they hadn't planned for me and weren't thrilled to have a girl growing up I sensed that they never really wanted a daughter and my fussy nature as a baby only made it worse frustrating my mom to no end Meanwhile my brother got all the attention and love as if he could walk on water my brother didn't like me much either he was always the kind of kid who could charm adults and he used this to his Advantage by lying about me whenever he could if he stole something or broke a rule he'd blame me and our parents believed him without question they didn't want to hear my side of the story it felt like they saw me as the troublemaker and him as The Shining Star he also went out of his way to sabotage my relationships bullying me until I felt utterly alone and miserable even worse he manipulated my friends to turn them against me the friends I thought I could rely on suddenly wanted nothing to do with me after he spread rumors about me my parents always took his side no matter what and I felt like I was fighting an uphill battle that I would never win it felt like the only solution was to leave home as soon as I could so I worked hard and got a scholarship to go to college in another city Meanwhile my brother stayed in our hometown he rented a place near my parents and they paid for everything they completely stopped reaching out to me and the family group chat only had messages praising my brother for his achievements not once did they ask how I was doing or offer me any support Port I had to make it on my own while he got everything handed to him on a silver platter they never sent me money encouragement or even a simple hello after graduating I moved to another state and eventually got married I invited my family to the wedding but they didn't bother showing up it stung that they couldn't make time for such an important event in my life now I'm expecting my second baby and my husband's family has been a great support system for me they've welcomed me with open arms and helped fill that void that my own family left my parents are deeply rooted in Traditional Values believing that the man should always be the head of the household and that the family name must be carried on Through Blood descendants when my brother came out they were absolutely shocked they couldn't believe their perfect son was not going to provide them with the airs they expected they're obsessed with keeping the family line going and this news really shook them despite all this my husband's family continues to be amazing they've helped me realize that not all families are like mine it's been a healing Journey but I've finally found a place where I can feel loved and supported even if it's not from the people I expected it from so my kids and I will have my husband's last name which isn't my family's name my parents only accept family members who have been born into a proper marriage meaning they won't consider adoption as an option for keeping the family line going out of nowhere my brother recently contacted me and here's why my parents are threatening to cut him off financially he's never had a real job and relies on their money money to live they told him that if he doesn't fix his relationship with me they'll stop giving him money why because they want to reconnect with me so they can be close to my children even though I haven't been on good terms with them for years my brother is a big reason why I distanced myself from my family growing up he bullied me lied about me and turned our parents against me although he's not the only one to blame he's a big part of why I've cut ties with my family he's now trying to make things right so our parents don't disown him but I'm not interested letting them back into my life just so they can claim my kids as their grandkids my brother isn't the only reason I'm distant from my family I also blame my parents they always favored him even when he was lying and making things difficult for me recently my brother flew out to see me and cried a lot saying that the reason he bullied me so much was because he was stressed out from hiding his sexuality he claimed that being in the closet made him lash out at me I listened and then I told him to buzz off my family is dead to me and I don't care about him or his excuses now he's saying that I'm Petty and that I'm willing to ruin an adult's life over things that happened in childhood but I'm not letting my family back into my life just so my parents can use me and my kids as a backup source of blood rated grandchildren they've always adored my brother their Golden Child but now that he hasn't met their expectations they want to rely on me and my children instead I'm not going to be their backup plan just because their favorite son has disappointed them so am I the idiot for not forgiving my brother and forcing parents to disown him edit my parents also want my future baby I'm pregnant to carry the family surname now for the top comments you are not forcing anyone to do anything you're leaving them to the consequences of their behavior and choices and your brother's orientation is irrelevant to your side of the story not the idiot your parents have serious problems that's not your problem if anything you can just recommend him to see a therapist because he needs one queer here you are not the idiot Opie your brother is an idiot in so many way ways but his phobia claim is one I want to highlight yes you told him to buzz off because he treated you terribly and didn't see any reason to be in your life until he needed something that's something being you and your family having contact with your wildly toxic parents frankly I don't care if it really was just the stress of being closeted had him acting that way which I don't buy at all that doesn't justify anything if he calls you names but not accepting his non-apology again laugh in his face as you shut the door on it you don't owe him nor your parents a darn thing do what you need to make sure they stay the heck away and enjoy the beautiful family you made away from them I agree op cut him and the parents out of her life way before he came out cut all those losers out you don't need them in that toxicity she she made his bed becoming overly dependent on his parents and now he has to lay on it considering the dude is 30 being disowned shouldn't be a major problem as he should be able to stand on his own two feet by now he didn't even come to your wedding LOL nothing about their relationship with you was changed changed and even though they are now coming to you it's very obvious that they still only care about themselves let the family name die out people like that aren't worthy of a legacy story two so I've got a little baby at home and I've just started letting friends and family come over to visit my best friend wanted to drop by and since I knew she planned on holding my baby I sent her a message saying she should consider wearing a bra or a thicker shirt why because my little one likes to grab things and she told me before that her nipple piercings are super sens I just wanted to give her a heads up because the babies got quite a grip she ignored my message and showed up anyway wearing a pretty thin shirt with her piercings clearly visible my baby was already staring at her chest fingers ready to grab so I offered her a sweater to cover up a little she looked at me like I was crazy and said I was insulting her breasts by even suggesting she put something over them I tried to explain that wasn't what I meant but she didn't want to listen I still asked if she wanted to hold the baby and she grabbed him from me not 5 minutes later my baby had latched onto her piercing and she screamed out in pain as she tried to pull him away I calmly reminded her that's why I suggested wearing a bra in the first place that just made her even angrier and she told me no you said that because you're a misogynist I was totally confused and she left in a huff she's been telling our friends that I insulted her breasts and wanted her to wear a bra or cover up because I didn't want her around but that's not at all what happened am I missing something I feel like her reaction ction is uncalled for am I the idiot edit amid our arguing she suggested that I should teach my son not to grab nipples he's just a baby story three my wife is 5 months pregnant as of now this baby is technically our second because she lost the first one the problem is that my wife is constantly angry anxious or Moody not normal hormonal moodiness that arises from pregnancy but a tad bit extreme version of it I don't know if it's a subset of our previous pregnancy loss she sees a therapist but she continues along her way I've also spoken to her again and she mentions it could be past Trauma from loss or Outburst due to hormones however there's always something she finds fault in after I come back from my 10-hour workshift the tiredness aside she would start trivial arguments even about things like me buying the wrong shape of carrots or if I switched to my TV channel to relax even though she wasn't watching it in the first place a few times a month is understandable but this happening every day is taking a toll on me she constantly says absent-minded things like quit work or take loans for now and stay with me and while I would love that who will pay the bills and who's going to repay the loans I'm losing sleep and getting more annoyed as the days go by she also has insomnia and unnecessarily keeps me awake by pestering me about whatever will become with the health of our baby which makes me scared too and makes me overthink be awake for the whole night I reassure her that everything will be all right but somehow she just gets even angrier she also leaves around 60 to 90 missed calls a day while I'm at work or especially when I'm at meetings so in seeing all this I realized that she requires constant companionship to guide us through this pregnancy so I called up her mother and father and gently requested they temporarily look after my wife for the time being they're both retired and happily agreed to take my wife in however why don't we sold my wife she took it as me absolving myself of responsibility even though I plan to call her every day and visit for the weekends she's calling me an idiot for entrusting her with her parents although personally it seems like I'm doing her a favor to combat her loneliness and get guidance from appearance am I the idiot here for killing two birds with one stone and having peace of mind and ensuring her needs are taken care of by having her parents take over her care now for the top comments I'm going to say no to the idiot but 60 to 90 calls a day and the other behaviors you describe are Way Beyond normal anxiety and into needs intervention something is very very wrong and she needs help that I doubt her parents are qualified to give I'm not saying that staying with them isn't an option to give you the space and Sanity you need to continue being the sole bread winner but it can't be the only response I agree that her parents aren't qualified to get her 100% of the help she needs but sometimes just the presence of supportive people nearby can be a positive help when going through an episode like that she's alone for 10 plus hours a day when staying with her husband and that's just not the best environment for her considering her anxiety trauma and needs as a pregnant soon to be mom not likely she's pregnant hormones play a huge part in depression she needs a doctor it's not likely going to be a parents will to do anything positive especially since she doesn't want to go OPI would talk to her therapist and OBGYNs and let them know the extent of her behavior 60 to 90 calls a day and begging you to quit your job to stay with her while also picking non-stop fights and keeping your weight that's not hormones that's a mental health crisis shame on her therapist and gyno for not being more proactive in saying hey this could be prepartum depression pregnancy psychosis or a trauma response here are some options I think the first step is getting her parents to visit and getting her counselor a little more involved or replaced this could easily devolve into a serious situation extremely quickly maybe another option would be to have her parents stay with you all and tag team with her I could see more eyes being better than the current situation or shipping her to her parents story four I 25 female have been with my boyfriend 30 for over a year he has a best friend who's always around this guy is from another country and has no friends he does have a wife and a kid though you spend every weekend with this guy for the past month he invites me but I'm so tired of him that I don't come the guy is also an idiot he constantly makes jokes and talks about my boobs he's very misogynistic so I don't like to be around him I still do sometimes for my boyfriend he's told him several times I hate those jokes and I've done it too now the problem is we had a few days off and decided to go to my boyfriend's parents house in the mountains they're visiting his sister in a different state so we decided to go and some of his family members are coming too I know a couple of them but people from all places are coming too and it's my first time meeting them but his friend is a place about an hour away from here with his wife and kid he said he wanted to come over and his wife got mad and said no so he planned to leave them alone at the beach and come here I told my boyfriend I didn't want it either and I wanted for once to be free of his stupid friend and just be us well he still said he was coming his wife got Furious and decided to go back to the city my my boyfriend family isn't here yet so I told his wife that I would leave with her when she came to drop him off since I came in my boyfriend's car my boyfriend got extremely mad that I left with her and couldn't stay to meet his family I said that I was tired of him and his friend and I would reconsider the relationship because if we get married he might bring his friend over to our honeymoon the delivery room Etc he's been blowing up my phone with messages calling me immature and selfish and his family was excited to meet me I'm ignoring him but I'm questioning if maybe I was wrong am I the idiot for leaving should I go back story five we had some Financial setbacks and we're in a bad spot so my husband approached mother-in-law about staying with her to get back on our feet that was a hard step for me and I know it was Mega generous on her end mother-in-law's house is huge is like four or five bedrooms three bathrooms a home gym and an art studio so I thought we could make it work my kids have been waiting mother-in-law up I'm doing everything to keep them quiet but with a baby and a toddler that sometimes feels impossible a mother-in-law likes to sleep until 9:30 usually closer to 10: at first I thought awful when we woke her up but lately she's been crying over how sleep deprived she is despite getting over8 hours a night also her fake crying is just bad it doesn't produce tears mother-in-law's husband has been getting very concerned about the crying because in general she rarely cries it's become this routine of him comforting her every morning while glaring daggers at me it's affected how he treats me and he's beginning to get very rude he's also been bribing mother-in-law with various stuff together to stop crying I sat down and tried to talk it out with mother-in-law I said as nicely as possible that she and her husband have a lifestyle that doesn't match up with 99% of people she's never worked he doesn't really work maybe a few days a month and that I know she always has had the freedom to do whatever she wanted still I have two little babies and I'm trying my best mother-in-law said that she got started at the moment but when she wakes up she's just angry she admitted that it was worse on me than on her and said it was fine well the next morning mother-in-law came down clearly angry but didn't start with the fake tears until her husband got up he immediately gave me a death stare and began hugging her and comforting her I finally snapped that this was ridiculous she's crying about not being able to sleep until 10 as if that's a normal need and he does need to stop coddling her because he is the reason she continues to fake cry mother-in-law got mad and said I know she has dry eyes and that's why she doesn't produce tears she does need eye drops sometimes but come on she said how dare I yell at her in her own house and maybe I'm mad because my husband wouldn't come for me but that's my problem last story my parents won't attend my wedding in 2021 fresh out of college I moved to a new state for a job facing high rent the Scots family friends of my parents offered me their guest house for a mere dollar 300 a month little did I know this seemingly sweet deal would lead to a year of turmoil the Scots longtime friends and business partners of my parents had three kids as soon as I settled in the Scots became excessively involved in my personal life particularly my relationship the situation took a dark turn as they fabricated scenarios to my parents accusing me of promiscuity rarely being home and even planning to secretly move in with my boyfriend their disdain for my boyfriend was palpable treating him with passive aggression condescension and even making derogatory comments about him being adopted the interference escalated with family meetings where they labeled me as a poor influence on their teenage daughter criticizing my boyfriend whom they had met only three times and I have to add my BF and I don't drink or smoke and both have careers my BF is a perfectly good man and was always respectful to them despite their poor treatment the dad of the Scott family went to the extent of sharing his marriage problems and lack of a sex life blurring the boundaries of landlord tenant SL inappropriate relationships the breaking point came when the fridge in the guest house broke broke and they insisted I foot the bill for a1900 replacement their influence over my parents was significant as my parents rarely had my back and cided with the Scots constantly belittling my boyfriend without Reason by the end of 2022 I decided to move out with some girlfriends of mine leaving without saying goodbye to avoid further confrontation fast forward to the summer of 2023 my boyfriend and I were living together in a new state and he proposed to my surprise when he asked my parents for Their Blessings they were supportive and enthusiastic my parents were even flown out to witness our engagement as we delved into wedding planning in the fall of 2023 my fiance's parents generously offered to finance the wedding strangely my mother declined involvement in the planning claiming she hated it despite repeated invitations from myself and my future mother-in-law she insisted we handle everything on our own a departure from the typical involvement of the mother of the bride my mil did F my mom out to NY for wedding dress shopping which was fun but my mother insisted on the trip that this was all she wanted to do winter 20123 brought a text from my dad urging me to invite the Scots I respectfully declined citing the distress it would cause me on our special day this refusal triggered a nuclear war within the family my parents adamant about the Scots inclusion declared they wouldn't attend the wedding my dad accused me of starting my happy life by destroying his and my mother Uninvited me to Christmas in attempts to salvage the situation I apologized and tried to explain my decision however my parents were unreceptive hurling insults and baseless accusations claiming my side of the family has been cancelled my mother then flipped the scripted and threatened to expose details on social media of my disrespect to the family if I didn't show up for Christmas despite exchanging Christmas and birthday greetings via text I've not spoken to them about the situation the pain of their absence and the harsh words lingers as I approach my wedding day I'm confused I'm guilty I'm in pain the Fallout all because I refuse to invite the Scots op added an edit to the original post thank you you French kissy toast for letting me know about it edit we are having a destination wedding and the festivities will begin three days prior to the wedding so if caved in and invited the Scots I would have to endure up to 4 days of them I don't want to walk around the resort and turn around and have to see them and instantly get into a bad mood also I am afraid if my parents decide to show up without the Scots that they will cause drama update context from my original post at 24f I find myself in a heartbreaking situation my parents won't be at my wedding the reason I refuse to invite their friends update I woke up this morning to a bunch of texts from my mother she demanded that I end my engagement cancel the wedding quit my job and move back to their home she started saying things like I know you're unhappy it's okay you tried now it's time to come home you have some maturing you need to do this irks me so much my parents literally gave their blessings for my marriage 6 months ago now they want me to change my entire life because they're mad they didn't get their way I responded and said this is my life and if they don't want to respect my decisions that's on them but I am in utter shock I am financially independent of my family I have a great job loving partner how do end parents come up with this update two long Story 3 months have passed since my parents inclined attending my wedding initially I found peace and acceptance looking forward to celebrating with those who would be present and knowing my parents wouldn't be there to ruin it however a text from my younger brother 19m shattered that piece revealing that our parents threatened to kick him out of the house and abandon him financially if he attends my wedding this utterly crushed me I am so close with my brothers and I love them dearly I have three brothers aged 19 22 and 27 while my older brother lives independently my two younger siblings still live with our parents despite my parents decision to not come to the wedding I told my brothers how badly I want them to attend assuring them of my support after their shared support I booked their travel optimistic about their participation I was naive to believe our parents would accept this decision their subsequent Outburst targeted my brothers leveraging Financial threats to dissuade them from attending claiming they are betraying the family by supporting me I offered to financially assist my brothers if they still want to attend knowing knowing they'd get kicked out but I realized the difficulty of abandoning familiarity in response to this Outburst my brothers called me and proposed an intervention aiming to address broader familial issues aka the bigger picture of my parents being abusive I tried my best to explain this was a bad idea I pleaded despite my reservations I supported them via phone call I felt I was bound by sibling loyalty yesterday's call confirmed my fears amidst vile accusations I endured personal attacks ranging from insults against my fiance to baseless critiques of our life choices my father's tirade marked by verbal abuse culminated in a cruel dismissal of my feelings here are a few notes I took during the 2-hour intervention my fiance is not an intellectual because he likes to snowboard and doesn't know how to have intellectual conversations two my fiance doesn't have Royal or Noble blood and therefore cannot have intelligent children three it was rude for my fiance to not bring flowers or wine when he flew from another state for the day to ask for my hand in marriage four my decision to change my job and move to a new state with my fiance is a manipulation tactic five my dad said calling people names and insults is the right thing to do when you're mad six my dad said by my decision to change my career path is stupid and I am cutting him out of his life seven thinks my fiance's job as a Salesman makes him a loser eight my parents are mad I never offered to invite my uncle that I haven't seen in 13 years who lives in Russia literal WTF moment for me nine my dad says my relationship is wrong and he's not happy about it says it would be smart to break up 10 my dad says he regrets not punching my fiance in the face when he asked for his blessings and says it will haunt him for the rest of his life that he didn't punch him says the only reason he gave His blessings was to not hurt my feelings 11 says my fiance's parents are mean for not responding to their texts 12 called my fiance's mom a 13 said everyone at my engagement party is unintellectual and a redneck and that they were shocked at the crowd I've decided to live around 14 the last minute of the call consisted of my dad's screaming at the top of his lungs that I am stupid an idiot dumb and a I started hysterically crying at this point I felt like a little girl again 15 he called me a liar when I explained all the horrible things his friends did to me and why I didn't want to invite them to the wedding he even called me a liar when I explained that his friend 70 em would try to talk about his sex life with me crying I explained to my dad I just wish you cared about my feelings too because I also really hurt and just want you to understand my perspective he said why the should I care about your feelings you don't respect me my friends or my values your feelings you stupid I ended the call right there after the call my brother said they will still be attending my wedding because this has become an issue of standing up to my father's unacceptable Behavior despite my brother's attempts at defense we were outmatched by our father's narcissism enduring the call was agonizing yet crucial for my siblings to witness his true nature gas lit and invalidated I felt feel so dehumanized I never thought I would someday block my parents today marks day one of going no contact tldr my parents threatened to kick my youngest brother 19m out of the house if he attends my wedding my brothers 1922 and 27 decided to host an intervention that blew up in all of our faces as we were no match for my father's narcissism now I've blocked my parents and the fate of my brothers attending my wedding is unknown final update my parents won't attend my wedding I got married I got married on Friday a day filled with joy yet marked by the absence of my parents and two of my brothers I made the decision to cut off contact with my parents last month a choice that has since been affirmed as you'll soon understand despite the absence of my two younger brothers my older brother stood by me walking me down the aisle this unexpected turn of events brought us closer than ever a silver lining among all the drama and heartbreak my wedding day was pure magic absolutely no drama or stress it was truly the best day of my life and I have never felt so much love for my husband my husband literally makes all my anxiety disappear of course there were fleeting moments of vulnerability tears shed in private to my husband as emotions overwhelmed me yet despite the ache of my brother's absence and lapses of guilt over my parents the weak was nothing short of perfection I am truly blessed the day after the ceremony over breakfast with my husband and older brother I learned that my parents had been incessantly trying to reach out to my brother my bro and husband shielded this information from me to not upset me during the week however my curiosity got the better of me and I insisted on asking my brother to see what my parents said to him what I read shook me to the core my brother texted she will never forgive you for this and our entire family will never be the same her response forgive us she betrayed the family she has gone completely insane this Sinister family has completely changed her values and they have been grooming her for 3 years she's making a huge mistake by marrying glad you guys are so close again asterisk Sinister family being my in-laws my mother's venomous words confirmed what I had been grappling with their belief in their distorted reality the guilt I had been carrying evaporated in an instant I realized that my overwhelming happiness with my husband would never be enough for them I refused to be held hostage by their misery any longer you cannot change someone who just wants to be miserable for the rest of their lives here's where things be laughable I blocked the Scott's wife on Instagram so she wouldn't see my wedding photos Mr Scott in response sent a giant text accusing me of being abusive to his wife and children despite not having seen or spoken to them in over a year he then said that he will no longer support me and if I get a divorce he won't be there for me I promptly blocked him refusing to entertain such a stupid message PS I thought he was blocked already I am excited to start this new chapter in my life and I am thankful for the support and courage this ready Credit Community has given me here's to a future free from the toxic grip of my past

Channel: Qley

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Id: Lr6Dvohnkhc

Length: 27min 4sec (1624 seconds)

Published: Wed May 15 2024