My Journey To Islam - Moira McGuire

miss me a lot of money to him I was saying that I've been given a guide to follow for my presentation but in shuttle off their questions afterwards there will be time so the first question is about my family background so for those of you who and actually I should first preface by saying my four youngest children are here with me today and one of the reasons why I thought this was a great idea to do because I have two teenagers and there are so few Joy's in having teenagers but one of them is to embarrass them so hum Dalila I'm sure they're going to be very embarrassed this evening so so anyway I happen to have a very ethnic name so Moira McGuire is a very Irish name although there are people who will be like Oh Moira is that Greek or is that French it's very Irish and I was raised both my parents are Irish Americans there were four of us my mom had four kids in four and a half years so we were all very close in age and we were also raised very Catholic because you can't be Irish and not Catholic so there was a lot of religion in my house there wasn't a lot of politics directly but it was kind of an indirect message there were certain things that you never did you didn't get divorced and you were never anything other than Catholic that was it so we went to all Catholic schools my dad taught at Catholic University for almost 50 years he went there that's where he met my mom my mom teaches there my sister teaches there you know I went to Catholic elementary school went to Catholic High School and Catholic College so um so very very Catholic and I I loved my upbringing I really did I didn't have I'm not the type of person who accepts Islam and then kind of trashes where I came from because it wasn't a matter of hating it I just think that probably by the time I was in my teenage years I just I kind of felt as though there was something more I wasn't really sure what it was but I just felt like there was something more and and often times the way things were presented to us so you know as Catholics here's what we believe and you just have to believe it doesn't necessarily have to make sense and and I you know I didn't like that I remember the priest used to come in and when the priest would come in everybody would stand up and it was a sign of respect everybody would stand up out of their chairs you didn't do that with the nuns but with the priests came in you better stand up and they would talk about how important it was to treat your body well and you know that it's God's temple and then you know you'd see them out smoking in the parking lot and you're drinking and um and they never had a good answer other than you know just just accept it or the Trinity you know just never really I mean I'm not a mathematician but that math never like kind of added up for me so but um the way that it was so when I was in college I started my exploration of other faiths and I looked at a lot of them and none of them were I mean there were certain aspects in all of them that I found kind of attractive but none of them was really speaking to me so I just thought okay that said I'm just meant to be a Catholic I wasn't going to church I hadn't been to church in a while but if we were in a room like this and everybody said okay all the Catholics stand up and go over there I would have stood up and going over there and then I I started working at a hotel downtown and I had a co-worker from the ivory coast who was Muslim and and he would talk to me about it you know from time to time cuz he'd go off places and pray and and you know through my college course I'd already learned a little bit about Islam and and I was at the hotel for a number of years because I worked there while I was in nursing school and huh they can't hear oh sorry wow I've never been told I was too quiet sorry so anyway I was at the hotel for a number of years going through nursing school and I one of the corpsman who worked there one of the corpsman one of the bellman who worked there you know we just kind of struck up a conversation and started talking and and that was 21 years ago and we ended up getting married and and he so might this was my husband and he's Ethiopian and so when he asked me to marry him I was like yeah sure absolutely he said well you know it's really important that the kids are raised Muslim and I was like I'm so cool with that because I really you know there are a lot of things that I admired about it and I've never been much of a gambling woman so I thought okay if you're praying five times a day and you can't get it right get like you're you're in trouble so I thought no this is a great it's a great way to raise kids but it was definitely his thing wasn't mine I was like I'm cool we'll raise the kids Muslim and one so we did that for a while and so Zeca dia our oldest I had two kids so Zeki dia was my third my husband's first and we decided that we wanted to send him to school just part-time so he could learn some Quran and and hang out with other kids so we sent him to al-huda and and that's I think where I started to get a lot of exposure to the sisters and and you know when I would go over there I'd always cover because it was just in my mind the respectful thing to do like you don't go into somebody's house and you know don't behave appropriately so so I'd go over there and and I think you know looking back there were a lot of sisters who because I covered just assumed that I was Muslim and um and I remember when sister in particular a few years before I took my Shahada somebody said to her well you know sister Moyer is not Muslim and she was like you says but you know so I you know I got a lot of information I got a lot of exposure and but but again you know I've met a lot of people who have converted reverted who it's a very short and simple process you know they read the court and they you know meets they meet somebody and boom they're taking their Shahada I would like to say mine was quick so let's see my husband and I have been together 21 years and I took my Shahada eight years ago so so for 13 years that man very patiently waited for me to see the light and so that's so fun Allah so you know I guess the first time I heard about Islam was in college but you know it's really it was a number of years a number of experiences so when I took my Shahada I was 30 36 and and I remember some of the sisters had a party they were so excited they've been waiting for this for a very long time and they were like oh you know this is your first like real Salah come on we're gonna have you lead it and I was like having me meet it I'm gonna have everybody moonwalking you do not want me leave this Stila trust me I really don't know what I'm doing so water who encouraged or influenced me to become Muslim I will tell you that we were at Buddha we've been there since 1999 so it was we've been there a long time and when we first would go it was for my husband to pray so I'd sit in the car while he ran in you know for his solo and I'd see all the you know sisters go by and they looked so exotic and so mysterious and and then when we started taking Zeca dia to school then I was out walking around and and there were definitely some you know just kind of events that happened that maybe weren't very positive you know some sister would just kind of like brush past you in the hall and like bump into you and not say anything and and at that time I think cuz I was just struggling like it really you know you'd meet an amazing person and it'd be one step and you'd have like a negative experience and it seemed to be like 10 steps in Reverse you know again not really equal math but it didn't it didn't have to make sense it's just kind of how it was for a long time and and even my approach to Islam it was very cerebral it's very intellectual wow this is lovely this is really nice wow this is fascinating and I remember being in the hall one time I think it was during Ramadan for Thought away and one of the brothers was reciting Quran and he was crying and I remembered it it really sorry I swear I wasn't anyway it really touched me I think in a way that I didn't anticipate but there was something about you know I thought to myself what here's a grown man you know this isn't a six year old this is a grown man who's reading something I'm not really sure what it is I don't know what he's saying but I mean he is close to sobbing and it was it was amazing so it did it took it took 13 years of lots of wonderful experiences but I I finally got there and and I will say that my husband was a critical part of it cuz he really is an amazingly huh he is an amazingly patient person you know thirteen years waiting and hoping the whole time having to accept the fact that maybe she would never take her shada and having to be you know home to do that okay with that and he was so I have undying respect and gratitude for my husband um so what was my family's reaction to my conversion I think um for most of my family members because again my husband I had been married for such a long time they were like it's about time what were you waiting for I mean I think they thought I was gonna do it along you know a lot sooner um you know when I called my mom because before I had a girlfriend who had taken her Shahada a few years earlier and she didn't tell anybody before she did it and I thought to myself okay well I don't want to do it that way I want people to know before I do it so I made sure I called like my older daughter and my mom and my sister and you know that's when I called my mom and told her I got this on the other end of the phone like silence for a really long time when I was like mom and she said you know we all have our own journey to take and our own past I was like okay so that means you're pleased um and again I think that looking back you know culture is an amazingly powerful thing and I think it's powerful in ways that we don't even appreciate or understand but and even when I look at my friends who took their Shahada in a I guess what you would say a timely or a quick manner oftentimes they weren't necessarily raised with a very strong religious identity or if they were it wasn't a religious identity that was wrapped up in like you know their ethnicity as well and and and you almost have to reinvent yourself to a certain extent like you really have to take everything apart that you learned and examine it and it's that's a lot of work it's a lot of work and I can see even as I talked to you know family members and friends that it it's the kind of work that you know not everybody can do they just you you can see them struggling with it and they're not gonna be able to do it I used to describe myself as a tightly sealed jar and you know everybody would come along so every time I had a positive experience it was like somebody was just kind of loosening that jar a little bit but I mean it took a lot of like turns at the jar to get that top popped open um and I guess there are some jars that there aren't enough hands and not enough turns so all in all I think you know the men of my family were kind of like oh yeah that's great yeah congratulations that's wonderful and I did have a co-worker who was I'm very angry um very angry and you know we still work very closely together we've kind of agreed to disagree on you know the whole religion thing but other than that I don't think anybody um you know nobody was negative they were you know although I will say there were a number of people because this was in excuse me this was in 2003 so it was a little less than two years after 9/11 so a lot of people were curious as to my timing so they didn't necessarily wanted they didn't want to know why but they wanted to know why now and I thought that was kind of interesting like wow if you came to this realization in your life why would you want to put it off so I thought that was kind of interesting um have any of my family members take in their Shahada no they have not and I don't know Allahu Alem we well thanks hopefully I won't need it anymore but you never know um yeah you know my parents are older and they've you know they've had this identity for a very long time and um so you know we just we try to live our lives in a very meaningful way that that shows people the beauty of Islam and and we just make the well just make the um so the next question is do I feel the Muslim community adequately embraced and supported me during my transition to Islam you know it's interesting because again I had been such a part of the community for such a long time that when it happened everybody was like woohoo great ok see you later you know because I think they just there was this assumption that I've that I'd been a part of it for such a long time that I probably picked up so much stuff that I was you know she's good to go and and again I I think so much of what I've learned has been through relationships and I and I love the idea of having mentors but you know mentors really need to be not the type of mentor who feels as though they're about to accomplish a task but mentor who understands that he or she is about to enter into a relationship because the relationship is really where you you learn you know we we started a homeschool group and and subhanallah you know they probably didn't realize it at the time but all the sisters in the homeschool group I mean they were they were educating me along the way like you know they just they may not have been aware of it and may Allah bless all of them because they're amazing sisters but that's really how you know how you bring people along cuz it's for many people it is a completely new identity I mean you have to think about you have to learn like what foot to put in what shoe first I mean you know you're almost going back to the beginning on some levels it's there's a lot to learn um and so I think for me it's really about relationships you know developing relationships so what advice would I offer to people considering converting to Islam mmm Wow what advice would I offer well I will tell you one thing that I struggled with a little bit because in Catholicism you are taught that you can tell a lot about a religion by the people who practice it and so I kind of came to the Muslim community with that idea that if you meet wonderful amazing people then this is clearly a valuable you know religion and if the people behave bad then it's not and you really can't look at it that way you know I mean we're we're all a work in progress and we're we're all struggling to do our best but we're not perfect you know I mean the Dean is but we're not and so you really can't you have to separate the two you have to be really prepared to separate the two um no I don't know what else what other advice I would give but that that was probably the biggest thing that I struggled that I struggled with um and then you know you always get tripped up on like one or two verses in the Quran you know cuz you're like no I don't think so yeah um so I can I mean you know I could have 50 positive experiences and and honestly when I first read the Quran you know it's so unlike the Bible although Catholics aren't really big Bible readers like you hear the Bible at you know Sunday Mass and actually Sunday Mass is pretty much how you set your watch because it is 60 minutes I'm telling you right now it is time to perfectly and but you know you don't really read the Bible at any other time during the week it's pretty much a Sunday thing so when I read going on for the first time it was it was just a different format it was very unusual and I wasn't accustomed to it and um then I you know every time I hear because I haven't stopped hearing about people's experiences where they open Koran and read it the first time and subhanAllah that was it they knew and and I I always was kind of secretly jealous of that thinking wow I didn't have that experience at all at all um but anyway so so that is that's the end of my guide I guess we can take questions are there any questions do you have another microphone there okay well we need somebody to to be a runner does anybody has any question okay it's not like my sister look into her question is about your parents have you give them dollar Forrest did you try to give them dollar for Salam or your parents are your family I hold you what your relations know with them if they are is she mashallah I have a wonderful relationship with both my parents they are amazing parents I give them Dawa every time I possibly can um you know my mom is 76 my dad is 85 um and I you know it's not for lack of trying I will tell you that but um you know they've they've been in this role for a very long time and and I know a lot of people don't understand like the the political and religious aspect of being Irish and Catholic but it is a powerful thing that is a Vout I mean you know the English oppressed the Irish for 800 years and so even though there's been some sort of like agreement on the island of how things are going to be divided up don't think for a second that that hasn't stopped and it's not I mean it continues to the extent that like you know my grandmother's from Canada you know I think that my mom is like first generation here on one side third generation on another side my dad's like second generation on both sides it's almost like passed on through the blood um but how long I mean if you know it's gonna happen it will happen but we do have a wonderful relationship with both of them so Salam alaikum sister this is a Muhammad Ali none of the Masjid first of all thank you very much for accepting our invitation to come to be a speaker tonight and thank you for actually great opportunity and I enjoyed your talking about your journey to Islam so my question to you may be a little different maybe looked at as bizarre question I think nobody has asked this question before but this question comes to me all the time because I'm dealing with the people who convert to accept Islam and come to my office and then they asked for mentorship and how to be on the track all the time especially that they came from a different background different culture as you mentioned about your struggle with your co-workers or your family or whatever so what my question simply what is the thing that may let a person who accepted Islam and became committed to Islam to leave Islam so someone who became committed and accepted Islam and converted and without any kind of pressure but he loves Islam and he realized that Islam is the true way what was the thing that may happen to him or her and in his life or her life that may drive them away from Islam or to leave Islam because this this thing happened to me many times from sisters or brothers who may have something that take them away from Islam again so what's this thing in your mind thank you okay so that is I wouldn't say bizarre but that's a complex question I will say that for me personally you know if I accepted Islam because my husband is amazing and honestly I think if all brothers were like my husband the entire world would be Muslim but then I would have converted like the day after we got married you know one reason why it took me 13 years is because you're partially because of my identity but I think once I really realized that this was you know the right way to lead your life then I really I did not want to take my Shahada and then become like a hypocrite and not be able to really do it the way it's supposed to be done because it is it's a significant commitment and work when you're not brought up that way and and so what would take someone away from Islam I would not I would not be able to begin to answer however I think that whenever we're in a position that makes us uncomfortable we revert back to what we know and what's familiar and so you know as they're transitioning and encountering obstacles if they don't have someone there who's kind of helping them to problem-solve it you know within this new frame of reference then they're going to go back to what what they knew and so that's why I think again the importance of relationships you know you can't just say okay I'm a mentor so my responsibility is to do you have a copy of going on check have you signed up for the Muslim 101 class check you know do you have my phone number you can call me once a month check like you know it can't be a task-oriented mentorship it really needs to be you know we're now entering into a relationship and I'm going to be you know at your beck and call and by your side for the next year two years three years however long it takes so so not worry Co I like him Silla sure I wanted to ask a question about the types of people that you may have come across in terms of the person that you thought was teaching you the Deen of Islam but then as you got a better understanding of Islam and then went back to that individual that taught you the wrong way was there ever a time that you approached that individual and say listen the stuff that you taught me in the beginning of my journey was incorrect but I've learned this how come did you taught me the wrong way I'm not sure if I'm asking the question the right way but I hope I hope it's clear enough for you to be able to answer if not you can ask me again and I'll see if I can reword it okay so were there times when people gave me information that may have been incorrect possibly um I think that you know by nature I am a company gal you know I'm not the type of person who's going to rock the boat stir the pot push the envelope per se but I also approach everything with a very healthy dose of um once a skepticism but and and again I think it's one of the benefits there there are many drawbacks to not being raised Muslim so you know learning Arabic that's a challenge you know if you you know grew up learning Arabic masha'Allah you are that's a nice thing it's a very nice thing but I will say that coming from a culture that was not wrapped up um in an Islamic identity I think helped me to kind of question things like okay are what you're you know is what you're teaching me culture or religion and I think even from the beginning I always approached it in that manner and and you know I mean I remember my husband I had a lengthy conversation one time about hands you know we can't wear pants well what do mean you can't wear pants we just can't wear pants okay well I can't join me um well because then you know people will see you know that you have legs okay well I'm assuming they already know that I have and I'm like you know like the sisters are where the show or Khamis I mean those are pants will put their different kinds of pants you know it's so so these kinds of conversations and I'm sure again cuz my husband has amazing patience that he kind of with it but and I think for me um you know we're all again a work in progress I have seen myself you know move along my path I've seen other people move along the path and and I I like to think that no one has given me information that was wrong with the intention of doing that and so because of that I I don't think I've ever gone back to anyone um now I will say you know since you bring it up and I don't know if this is what you you might be referring to but when I first took my Shahada there were people who would say okay well now this is what you need to do and this is the way we do it and so like the whole four schools of thought and like you know nobody ever approached it like okay so there are four accepted schools and my own personal choice is this one but there are three other opinions nobody ever says that they kind of or at least the people I encountered they made their own personal decisions and then they passed on their own personal decisions as though they should be everybody else's own personal decisions and and again you know because I kind of questioned everything before I accept it I I think I was pretty good about trying to figure out what was someone's you know personal decision versus you know what's accepted amongst all four or you know what my options were in terms of how I decided to you know interpret or understand or practice or accept but I think people coming you know because I'll tell you you know whenever somebody takes their Shahada everybody wants to be around that person it's like they've got this good energy you know you want to rub up and down their arm you want to get those good vibes and then it comes the way you need to do this you need to do that um and and it is it's very overwhelming it's very oh you go from this incredible high I mean I remember when I first took my Shahada I felt like I weighed two pounds like if I didn't you know weigh my ankles down that I would have floated up into space it was amazing and I remember telling my sister that I'm like oh my god Marga this is the most amazing feeling in the world I said you know what do you understand that I am now sin free and she's like oh my god that's horrible I said what are you talking about horrible this is amazing she's like no no she said that's like getting a new car like you're constantly worried about when you're gonna get that first ping or that first dent in the car I was like it's okay I'll take it and I'd like to say that my car is dent free it is not if pinged it and dented it in eight years but anyway so I don't know if I answered your question but in shall I I did a little yeah you said you had a lot of positive and negative experiences during those 13 years could you share some of them so that we could just learn what we do right and we do wrong when we're dealing with people who are asking about Islam or interested in Islam okay so hmm well again I mean when we first got when we first started going Telugu then there were um you know again because you know just culturally people have different sensitivities you know um and so when I was raised you know there was my grandmother was a big person on being a lady there were certain things that ladies did and did not do um and so I remember the first time a sister came barreling down the hall and like Zach was walking with me and she almost knocked me over and didn't say a word and I was like I was looking for like you know the manners police or something like um did you see that I shocked me or the first time I was in the souq and and you know everybody's waiting in line and Here Come a few brothers thinking that you know clearly they hold a position that I'm not aware of but they seem to think that it entitled them to go to the front of the line um and you know I try to be a patient person but I remember the first time I spoke up and everybody's looking at me like I had three eyeballs but I was like brother we're all waiting here we all have places to go and things to do so you need to get back in line um so and again in the greater scheme of things are these really important no but when you're coming you know to a community with a very critical eye where it could only take one thing to like turn you off those are generally you know the things that will you know or if I can just share for a moment one of my personal pet peeves the shoes I don't know why people take their shoes off and leave them right in front of the door like how are people expected to then walk through the door if it's completely covered and shoes just take your shoes off and move them to the side a little bit and again I've seen this I've seen this with my husband's family I mean it's clearly a cultural thing and again I've decided it's my lot in life to then bend over and move all the shoes so that people can actually get through the door so you know a Michele I'll be rewarded for it but and again it sounds kind of silly but that just drives me out of my mind we here at the mazzard cheer your sentiments on as let's see we have shoe racks it's an ongoing battle never brother with the question okay um Salaam alaikum I'm a sister with a understanding that you've gotten so far from let me say from the time you become a Muslim with your Christianity background I mean the knowledge that you've gotten so far have you ever compared I mean the teaching of these two religions and happen to higher mark any I mean teaching or any point in these two religions that had really moved you in your mind to confirm within yourself that where Islam is really a true religion um so I remember years ago I can't even remember how long ago but it was before I'm pretty sure it was before I took my Shahada or maybe right around that time there was a Muslim woman who had done a documentary on Hajj and I think it was like the first time I think you it was done at National Geographic and it was like the first time cameras were allowed inside and she followed three different Muslims on their first Hajj one was a Nigerian brother and one was an Indonesian brother and then one was a sister actually an irish-american sister who was in Texas and my husband and I had gone to National Geographic to see the the video and um and the irish-american sister was there to kind of talk about her experience and and I remember and I can't remember if it was what she actually said or if it was on the video but she talked about how she just she kind of knew that this was like it just tied everything up so nicely answered all the questions that she had had and and so while I can't give you specific examples other than like you know again the Trinity you know original sin the whole idea of Jesus dying so that you know our sins which aren't really our sins they were sins from somebody a long time ago but we've all been paying the price for a very long time you know and the Pope and all of those the you know all of those questions that I had were just answered you know through Islam and and the Koran and and when I knew it was right was that it kind of completed and finished off what was missing and it didn't negate anything that I had taken positively from Christianity which by the way some Christians don't believe that Catholics are Christian so I just thought I think oh they always like to specify Christians and Catholics Catholics are different because they have like all the saints and the statues and they do weird things with Mary and so that's the other thing I mean even marry you know Sao Paulo in Islam she is so revered and that's something that Catholics definitely to an unhealthy extent you know they they you know they pray to Mary Mary's very big in Catholicism so I wouldn't say I've done a study a comparative analysis on the two but just you know as I learned and read it it just completed it filled in all the missing parts for me and it made me feel as though again I wasn't dissing what I had come from but I just moved to the next level you know I I stepped it up I stepped up my game so Salaam aleikum sir I have two questions the first question is what's after I became Muslim what's the first and most difficult worship that you think it's heavy or difficult among the pillars Muslim especially that many Muslims who convert to Islam they have never practiced this before Salah and zakah all this stuff that may be done daily like Salah fasting every year month of Ramadan so which one is most difficult for you all it's always difficult for the people who were not born as Muslims this is the first question and the second question is being American and raised in this country you know the rights of the citizens better than any immigrant of us I'm a myself so how do you feel about the slab being attacked everywhere and Muslims are always under fire how how can you be vocal to represent this land in the correct manner and image and show okay so let me answer the first question you know I come from a my dad was an opera singer and taught voice you know all that time at Catholic University my mom majored in speech and drama we grew up in like the theater and so I was very much a free spirit who really didn't want to be chained down with things like routines and patterns like I just wanted to go kind of where the wind took me and and so and I and I have even seen like you know how I struggle even at this point in my life with not having implemented those routines earlier and how so fun allow my husband is just so easily able to do those things and so I would say for myself the hardest struggle has been you know the five prayers just because you know for 30 some odd years I didn't now you know you get up when you have to get up oh do I have swim team this morning no great I can sleep in or you know or in the middle of the day or especially when the time changes oh my gosh when when the time changes and all of a sudden you have like three solos in like four hours I mean I'm you know I'm just I'm not good about watching the clock I need I don't know what I need um and so that you know that definitely is um it's a struggle I don't you know I don't do it with as much ease as I hope I will attain at some point in my life um and then the second question which I have now completely forgot the second question was about the attacks on 7-hour in the media and on media and how can you be vocal what you can do for that how can I forget that question so I remember like like the first 10 years that my husband and I were together I used to always say to him look honey what Islam needs again cuz everything for me back then was like an intellectual approach to everything I'm like look I got the answer for you I need to switch you need you need a PR agency we're going to develop a campaign right now because clearly people don't know what's going on and this is why they treat Muslims the way they do cuz they just don't understand they don't have you know you're not presenting yourselves in the right manner um I still kind of feel that way um and you know I remember there was an incident a number of years ago with um when wasn't anyway there were Muslims one of one of them was an imam who were in the airport they were gonna get on a plane and they were praying in you know the waiting area and there was this big you know they stopped them and I thought to myself wow now when I was younger first of all I wanted to be a nun like the nuns were really amazing some of them some of them were mean but most of them were amazing but when you saw a nun even to this day people who see religious you know people in religious attire they immediately feel safe and warm and I think to myself ok this is an even greater caliber of person you know what is it that we're not communicating to people because you should feel that same safety and peace when you see somebody bending over to put their forehead to the ground ever it is so and unfortunately I think there's a lot of politics that you know colors people's perception um so you know a lot of people have you know are not familiar with Islam so you know I sometimes think if people were learning about Christianity during like the 60s and 50s and 40s in this country they really wouldn't have a good opinion of it so does that answer your question I saw a male consistent well is if there is no system that needs to speak before me maybe I can ask my question any sister questions yes Santa Monica welcome summer I was born Muslim and I'm still Muslim alhamdulillah I am the question that the mmm gave the first one about the things that makes you get out of a slab convert and then reversion mm-hmm the thing that I showed through your life it was I think it was good that he stayed 13 years with your husband because getting married marriage is a journey by itself you get rid of that journey you learned it and then you step to the other journey the new Muslim that convert my non-muslim that convert some of them get married right away and they started to journey's difficult journeys at the same time and I was born a Muslim and really marriage is not easy mm-hmm because you starts a new life I felt like I was dead and I born again and I was a Muslim how about somebody who's just started a new way yeah I think mmm I told you don't have question that the way you went 13 years is like when Islam came to save no Muhammad sallallaahu 13 years they were learning who's allah what is general Islam yeah you learned about your husband and he helped you into your second journey yeah and I will again you know growing up Catholic you don't get divorced that's it I mean I remember the very first person in my family this was my mom's cousin who got divorced the scandal to this day the scandal of that divorce you could hate the person forever but you may not divorce them because really the institute of marriage is so much more than the players in terms you know in Catholicism um however I then come to Islam where sometimes you see and again I know that it's you know it's permissible um but sometimes you see the opposite you see people you know like going into marriage and then like you know four months later it's not working out well yeah of course it's not working out for months I mean when I think about my husband and I 21 years we maybe got to like like a really cool role about a year ago for 20 years we've been on like this you know roller coaster so for months yeah and so and I don't know again in Catholicism you've got like pre-cana like before you even get married you got to go hang out with the priest spend a little time they're gonna be asking you all kinds of questions what are your intentions what you're gonna do you can baptize your kid and so but um yeah they are they're two very very difficult journeys and to do them both at the same time is very challenging yeah salamualikum' sister like i'm salaam if you can give us three pointers for doing Dawa outreach to Catholic communities what would they be thank you well I think I would certainly highlight the the the position of Maryam in Islam because that is again for Catholics Mary is very important um and you know there was a time in the Irish American community where every girl's name was Mary something every girl's name was Mary some Mary Ann Mary Pat Mary Francis Mary Kathleen whatever so that would be number one let's see and even the the reverence for um you know it's interesting because I remember when the current Pope was speaking to a group and I can't even remember what the occasion was but he you know brought up some obscure historic text where someone was speaking derogatory about you know the prophet muhammad salallahu alaihe wasalam and and i remember saying to my mom how offensive that was to me because here you have the Pope who's the head of the church you know disparaging a prophet of God and I said if you took the most uneducated Muslim they would not do that and she said well you can't say that I said absolutely I can say that I kind of shadow of a doubt I can tell you not a single one anyway I digress okay so um Miriam would be one you know um and it's hard I've kind of you know been out of the Catholic community for a while and I know it's very different I mean you know now you have what you call cafeteria Catholics and that's where you can go with your tray down the cafeteria line and kind of take what you want like oh I kind of like this part of it but ya know I'm not liking that you can keep that you can keep that I'll take this so you know even Catholics today I think are being raised very differently than then we were um I think III think just in general you know delwood the best way to do it is just in that manner like as a reminder you know explaining to people you know not being overly aggressive not trying to you know cram it down their throats because I will tell you that when I talk to somebody I can tell when they when they see what I'm saying is true and oftentimes the response is not one of that's nothing it's usually one of like anger defensiveness you know people who are oh that's nice or you know kind of apathetic it hasn't really touched them yet you know it's the people who kind of become defensive who know on a certain level that what you're saying is true but again it means that they have to do a lot of work and so challenging them isn't always the best course of action I think just you know gently reminding people being out there talking about things being open but persistent you know you don't want to to go away but you also don't want to be in their face as well is it so so now like I'm Susan well I consider my chela we will break you should 7:30 so we'll take these page you can summarize the answers to these questions because if some other brothers have questions one quick one I'd like to throw in here is how do your children handle that how do you handle holidays at your house which you can't with the grandparents now must be some I mean you do want to do see their grandparents I'm sure but how do you handle the holidays the secular the Christian holiday is not the necessary Muslim holidays but if you can summarize questions the answer is because we have other questions do we like to stop by 7:30 inshallah um okay so holidays yeah we're we're usually separate on holidays got religious holidays and like I said you know we're all the work in progress it's something that you know my husband I talk about every year and every year we come up with a different answer and you know I don't think that there's one right answer my parents you know go to church every Sunday like they have for you know their entire lives my siblings um I always tell them I'm like just make sure you warn me before you go to church cuz if there's a lightning bolt coming down I don't want to be anywhere near it I can't remember the last time my siblings were in church so again you know even when they celebrate religious holidays it's not a religious holiday it's just like the habit well we've celebrated Christmas every year for my entire life so we're gonna celebrate it again and um so um so yeah so usually my family celebrates it and you know the kids are off with my husband doing something else so um and again you know you're you're constantly navigating issues like this so we just we do our best there's a question over here on the sister side finanical might answer the question yeah baby hmm did you like try to UM comfort like your parents are your siblings um convert it to a son and teach them something about to put an or something yes I did I talk to them a lot but I don't know that I guess they're not ready yet so just I make the uh when they come Salaam Salaam our little sister alaikum Salaam usually for new Muslims the Prophet primary problem they usually have is with their parents or the family so I I would like to know how long did it take your family to somehow accept you as a Muslim and what strategies would you want to share with the non-muslims and if you have been almost completely accepted by a bio family what strategies did you put put to use that you can share with the new Muslims it was okay I'm sorry I okay so I just say I was not around with us and so please I just would like you to briefly just mention it okay so if I understand correctly so my parents never rejected me you know growing up again I mentioned that my parents are teachers and it was very common for other languages to be spoken in my house for people from other countries to be in in our home so the whole idea of my husband was as my effect when we got married you know they wanted to know if anybody had a problem like between our two families with the fact that you know I'm Irish American and my husband's Ethiopian but as they were asking they're looking at me and I'm like okay well my family doesn't have a problem with it as my fact it's his family who has the problem with it um so you know my family had no issues as I said you know they were um they weren't jumping for joy um but they were perfectly fine with my you know acceptance of Islam um and so I mean we really haven't now what advice would I give to other people you know my parents know especially my dad who's 85 yet his knee replaced two years ago and and soon insha'Allah he'll be coming to to live with us and so when you look at the respect that's you know required of your parents in Islam I mean how could you not see the beauty of it um even if you don't see anything else who as an 85 year old would not want to be cared for in this manner um so I I don't know if I have any techniques other than again just you know trying to be the best Muslim that you you know that one can be and you know treat your parents in the way that that you've been you know taught through Quran and Sunnah and butBut there's no tension or animosity I love my parents very much and they think I'm amazing assalamualaikum sis unless there's a system as a question I'll wait until afterwards there's not in Alaska no okay um aslam persist I'm the like I just always very interesting particularly related to being married to your husband for 30 years before taking Shahada one thing that is concerned me and I've seen this I'm sure we've all seen this a lot and I've seen it a lot lately in which brothers accept Islam and either they are already married and their wife accepts Islam or the brother accept Islam he's talking to a non-muslim sister she accepts Islam but then if the marriage doesn't work out next thing you know the sister is like she's left a husband and she leaves a Dean to write how do you see this and as did differently in your life and what recommendation would you give for six sisters who are who have an accepted Islam but I'm married to Muslims or talking to Muslim brothers about the issue of getting married and the Deen because I've seen the situations also where it affects the children where you know because they break up the sister leaves this Islam and looks to take the children out of Islam with her yeah so um you know as I mentioned if I had accepted Islam for my husband it would have been immediately it was really important that it was for me um and you know Allahu Alem I mean if people are you know I mean clearly Allah has put a love in my heart for my husband that insha'Allah never ends and so you know were ultimately not the responsible parties for whether people stay together or not but I think as an Ummah it's important again that we establish relationships so then I know sisters often struggle as I did because you know I mean I got all kinds of freedoms I'm not giving up anything you know I don't need somebody telling me you know what I have to wear or when I have to get up or but when you spend time in the oume you see that you know for for a little extra effort up front that you benefit in ways you cannot even possibly imagine in the long run and there is so much that I have gained just from the experience of being amongst the sister so I have to say are they can never get the props that they truly deserve because they are the most humble and patient of people that I have ever met even when I walked around the school I would meet people who I just thought were so amazing and they would often to God I didn't do that well enough and I thought are you kidding thank you um and so it's it's just really important to be you know even you know people who I've known who are in similar situations you know they marry their husband they convert the marriage breaks up and they might not necessarily say they're not Muslim anymore but they're not practicing and so much of that when I see it it happens in people who have not become part of the community and when I say part of the community that means that you are interacting with your Muslim sister or your Muslim brother on a daily basis daily it just it has to happen so Salaam alaikum so this is Jonathan last question because we have to pressure 7:30 as well now the question is very simple maybe a funny question but it came many times to the man about the dilemma of changing name after becoming a Muslim so I noticed that it didn't change your name so how do you feel about changing the name and if you choose to change your pre-islamic name what would be the name that you may choose thank you so yeah like I like I mentioned before you know there were there are so many well all things about Islam are perfect but it just worked out really well you know I was married before and I did change my name because that's what you were supposed to do and after that marriage ended I decided I was never changing it my last name my my name again and I don't you know see I mean Moira is Gaelic for Mary for Miriam so there's no need to change it it's it's a beautiful name and I'm not one on again it's one of those things that you know as I came in and I learned more and you know people were changing their names and I would often think to myself okay what why are you changing your name I mean I have a very very dear friend who like myself raised very Catholic and she converted to Orthodox Judaism um and so she changed her name um because you know she wasn't as fully accepted in their community you know with her a non you know Jewish name but you know I always questioned that I'm like why I have to change my like there's nothing wrong if my name is not offensive it's a beautiful name so so I would not change my name salamualikum' Thank You sis tomorrow you did a great job we appreciate you I've known you and your family maybe what ten years yeah and your beautiful daughter oh thank you thank you very much we really do appreciate that and we hope your presentation would inspire us to really do a good Dawa to reach out to the Catholic communities and we have it taped and so insha'Allah many will see and learn from you and a lot of people will accept slam through that and thank you very much sisters you can do your salats here on this site if you choose to or you can go back if you like they can pray here there is enough space and we will move the chairs and and do what we need to do to make you comfortable inshaallah musical affair and they thank you for brothers for coming also and sisters and we will have next month next month we will have email tallip mm Talib is the imam of the masjid in in capitol heights he will be here and then following that we will have couple other brothers who would be presenting so many of you know Imam Pollock and so each other we will see you so I like to welcome I hope I got

Channel: PgmaLegacy

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Length: 65min 52sec (3952 seconds)

Published: Sat May 03 2014