My Father Vanished After I Was Born: Missing For More Than 40 Years | Only Human

[Music] tonight on lost and found his dad was there when he was born then vanished such a strong self-fulfilling dream i've always had to meet my father a secret he had to tell his siblings that was a bit of a profound moment i actually told him that i was a half brother what became of his father the shepherd i said well i don't know any secrets to you the family conversation that changed her life i had no indication whatsoever that i was not his daughter does she know enough to find her birth dad absolutely nothing just a name all i've got is a name and there's like pretty much a stranger which is quite weird because he's my dad alone with no family around the scary part is seen if you're actually like me if her dad had abandoned her will he want her back it'd be the best thing in the world families that are lost and found i couldn't really sort of hide it any longer they're always unpredictable oh no oh that's crazy [Music] there's a way to make an entrance my destiny it was now a conspiracy of witches downloading [Music] hi my name's jeremy i'm 42 years old i'm looking for my biological father leith macdonald he came to my birth when i was born in gisborne it's been 42 years of searching to fill that void i want to meet leif and share the aspects of my life and my family with him a man should never have to go through life not knowing who his father is or even what he looks like [Music] jeremy to moana has a big colorful family one brother was in the sas alongside william another is a butcher and gore one sister is an artist and one had a big lotto win and his mother has featured in a few new zealand movies all jeremy knows is that leif was a shepherd on the east coast a man who charmed his mother by bringing 12 sheep dogs when he came into gisborne from tokumaru bay but also a man who shot through the moment jeremy was born [Music] what do you know about your dad do you know what he looks like have you seen a photograph i wouldn't know what i've really learned is from what mum has sort of she said that i have similarities to him in appearance but i've never really been able to build a pitch or a mental picture of what he may look like jeremy was 11 when a relative told him that the man he called dad was not his biological father i just felt that something just didn't fit and that connect or that attachment wasn't necessarily there when you found out that your dad wasn't in fact your birth dad was there a sense of betrayal how did you react it was something i had to sort of really deal with myself as a child something i sort of kept secret from my own brothers and sisters for quite a while until i felt couldn't really sort of hide it any longer that was a bit of a profound moment i guess for them too when i actually told them that i was a half brother a bit of a shock for them what were your feelings towards your birth father when you found out that he existed um i guess there's a mixed feelings towards my father trying to understand how you could do that to someone especially being a father myself i would never i couldn't comprehend not having a relationship with my children what will it mean to you to meet your dad something that's just such a strong self-fulfilling dream i've always had um to meet my father just to meet and to see him in in the flesh jeremy who is divorced is a healthcare manager and lives in wellington but he's hoping to move back to christchurch to be closer to his three children [Music] i track back through decades of old electoral roles and find leaf mcdonald in pongaroa in 1981 but then he disappears when i check through national cemetery records i finally find the answer he died in 1993 killed while crossing a road tragically the driver was one of his best mates my next stop is melbourne leith mcdonald's death notice has led me to his two daughters tanya and aimee they've both recently moved to australia along with their mother leaves widow and amy's three children are you tanya or namini yes who's who tania hello nice to meet you i'm david of course thank you grab a seat so you two have a brother you don't know too much about yes we do your mum told you about him but what what did she know um mum told us about him a few years ago um so we knew we had a half brother out there but we just didn't know where or who or anything about it i think yeah we didn't know where to start looking at all she mentioned did a couple of times that she should oh he should try contact and find out where he is and stuff like that and just dad can see he didn't want to disrupt their family or just in case there's someone else's coming and he's got a father or something like that so what sort of dad was he that's good yeah yeah he was like that easy going a good laugh yeah good sense of humor he's always joking around with us and stuff but yeah how does it feel to have a brother just pop into your life yes i think um i don't know because we've we've lost a brother yeti um uh he passed away about 10 years ago so it's nice to know that he wants to meet well jeremy did a video message which he hoped i'd be able to show to you your dad but sadly i can't would you two like to see that message to see what he had to say yeah oh my gosh i'm so nervous [Laughter] if you were to just push the button there hi leith my name's jeremy i'm your son we've never actually met but um it means more than the world to me to be able to share some of my life experiences with you and get to meet you and get to know you and for you to get to know my my family and hopefully for me to be able to meet yours it'd mean more than the world to me to do that so hopefully we can meet sometime soon and connect and talk about everything that we've been missing out on it looks like um grand dad kind of yeah he looks like a mcdonald's definitely does yeah it's actually one of our cousins actually so sadly your dad won't get to meet him but would you to be happy to meet her yeah yeah nice to know yeah i want to meet him yeah [Music] back in new zealand i asked jeremy to meet me in dannyburg the area in central hawkes bay where his father lived most of his life and where jeremy spent time at boarding school he's curious and nervous about why we're meeting here he's hopeful i've found his dad sadly i have news no one wants to hear jeremy timuana is looking for his dad but he died more than 20 years ago i have however found jeremy's two sisters in australia he doesn't know anything of this yet he's waiting nervously for me in dannyburg finding your dad's always been very important for you it's always a perpetual feeling of just wondering and why and how and and it's a it creates a bit of a void because it probably wasn't a a day or week they went by without me thinking about that you've never seen anything with your dad not even a photograph i've seen nothing in terms of images or anything really well your dad used to live in this area right but i'm very sorry to tell you he passed away in 1993. all right [Music] all right yeah no it's um that's really sad that's really sad um yeah i had a sort of a feeling that that may be the case so um just sort of feel those sort of things but yeah i had wondered [Music] i've got you here today because i'd like to show you where he where he is [Music] one thing i have for you though it's what you'd probably be very interested to see [Music] that's your dad [Music] oh yeah i see some likeness there [Music] looks like a bit of a hard man too [Music] that's the first time you've seen anything what he looks like totally it's amazing it doesn't look very tall surprise really but yeah that's wow it's incredible so if you were happy to i'd like to show you where he's buried pay your respects to him totally yep yeah and that'll be great that means a lot mainly because of just uh i didn't want to meet him and you know understand a bit about myself really um but i still can do that i think i just um it's i mean it's good to sort of be able to connect to where he is at least [Music] so this is where your father's buried there's one thing i didn't tell you he did die young because he was killed in a car accident here in danny virg now his graves just over there by the fence line in 1993 you should be able to find it [Music] [Music] it says i've got brothers and sisters i see uh eddie sadly passed away as well so great to meet and tanya and amy are very keen to meet you they both live in australia now and one lives in perth and the other one in melbourne and they would love you to come over and talk about your dad and they've got a lot more photographs i'd love to show you oh okay yeah that sounds fantastic oh jeepers i'm just overwhelmed really [Music] buried nearby are other members of the mcdonald clan grandparents hazel and donald jeremy has always had a good handle on his maori side now he has the information to explore his scottish heritage [Music] a week later jeremy is heading for melbourne at 42 years old it's the first time he's left new zealand [Music] and it's to meet the sisters he's only just been told he has yeah one of the things i didn't tell you and danny burke was that your sisters knew about you their mother had told them the mother had actually encouraged your dad to try and find you at one stage but he didn't want to walk into a family situation and think perhaps that you didn't know about him probably the same way for me it's a bit hesitant to if i had found the content i was wondering whether or not it'd be an appropriate thing to do and yeah it's always something you wonder about your sisters are very keen to meet you they've got stories to tell you about your dad how are you feeling about that i can i can't describe it it's been 100 miles an hour of emotions and try not to cry more than 20 years after his death leaf mcdonald's three surviving children are about to meet for the first time i feel so nervous still maybe [Music] having to tell jeremy to moana that his father had passed away wasn't easy but now he's about to meet two sisters in australia that he never knew he had i feel so nervous still yes i know if you were to look over your right shoulder and just a few yards down the warfare can you see a couple young ladies go and say hello to them oh my god [Laughter] [Music] oh [Music] you guys are short so nice to meet you thank you finding us thanks for watching this actually yes i don't know what [Laughter] i haven't been sleeping well anyway it was kind of a surreal place it's quite overwhelming just uh it's buzzy to know that he's he's you know wanted to find us and and meet us so it was kind of quite overwhelming to actually finally meet him i was shaking my heart was racing yeah um i actually stopped breathing for about five seconds i think the least and um yeah i was just absolutely stunned by the fact that they're there the next day jeremy meets again with tanya and amy they were both teenagers when their father passed away this is how i remember him just before he passed away right there oh okay yeah yeah i've taken him here quite a while ago that one that was before you were born i think isn't it he's only young there ain't 25 or something knowing that i've had two sisters and then meeting them was even even better yeah happy to piece that part of my life together it's a good show um that was a station that he worked worked on okay jeremy says meeting his sisters was just as powerful as being at the birth of his children that's oh my god i can see myself in there tanya amy and jeremy have kept in touch and jeremy has since met an uncle mcdonald's only surviving brother who lives in the hawke's bay plus lots of cousins i'll stand there jeremy never got to meet his dad but leaf mcdonald's family have welcomed him home it looks more like kate it's great to know that i come from a father that loved his children and he cared so a new journey begins really a new chapter in the book for me [Applause] hi my name is debbie and it was about four to five months ago that i found out that my dad was not my biological dad [Music] it is a mystery it was a family secret and i want to find out who my birth dad is go pulse yes go go go go go go go clever debbie shooter's the 46 year old property manager from wellington yeah she has a 16 year old son trent and is a keen dog lover yeah in her spare time she travels new zealand entering dog trials sit debbie grew up in whanganui it was a very happy childhood with her mum and dad who clearly loved each other and two siblings but recently debbie discovered there was a family secret that she knew nothing about that's because the secret was her so how did you discover that your dad wasn't your birthday it was about four to five months ago i got a call from my sister and apparently my sister had known for a few months um dad had told her she went along the lines about secrets in the family i said well i don't know any secrets to you and she goes well you must know the one that you know you are you're not dead you were adopted and i said no i didn't know that and at that moment what what did you think i think it was a shock to her to find out that i didn't actually know either she felt pretty bad about that your mum never told you why do you think she kept such a big secret i did say my mum heard her reasons it was a long time ago dad took her in and dad raised me as his own so she would have thought why do i need to change that i do remember one time making a comment man imagine if you found out that you weren't who you really were and she never said anything at the time i remember her being there and didn't see any different looks or anything like that so it was really sad of course when she passed she was quite content to take that secret with her when she left [Applause] debbie's mum christine left home at 16 and moved to greymouth she fell in love with a man who was a few years older than her then she found out she was pregnant and rather than give her baby up for adoption she moved to live with an uncle in the north island soon after she met and married the man who would take her in and raise her baby debbie like his own it's a pretty major thing that your dad did i think if anything i cried and said well i love you more than ever for what you did good on you um had no indication whatsoever that i was not his daughter same with his his mum and dad they were the best grandparents ever they always treated us equally the same if anything i thought i was the favorite one of the family so what do you know about this other guy the other guy my biological father absolutely nothing just a name all i've got is a name in dumbleton a wellington bank manager is debbie's husband he was right by debbie's side as she dealt with the overwhelming news that her dad was not her birth father it was definitely a shock because it must be very difficult finding out that you the father who's brought you up isn't actually your real father per se but um i think it'd be fantastic for her to find her birth dad i think she does want to know exactly where she's come from why she is the person she is today so with her mother now gone and her dad who legally adopted her and whose name is on her birth certificate now not in the best of health she's ready to find her biological father i am his daughter it'd be nice to find out well i know who i am but find out what kind of person he is and if i leave it for another 10 or 20 years then i'm allowed to say oh you know why didn't i and it is curiosity i do want to know who my biological dad is i discover in birth records that debbie's father's full name is raymond patrick twist then on new zealand electoral rolls i find him living in auckland in the early 1980s on tyronette he once owned property in auckland but there's also a reference to a property in christchurch then in the white pages i find a phone number oh hi ray look my name's david lomas and i'm ringing on behalf of the woman who i believe is your daughter debbie did you know anything of her um quite surprisingly for you to say that yeah no i always sort of wondered it's always crossed me well look debbie's done a video message which uh she'd like me to show to you i was wondering if it's possible to meet you [Music] ray tells me he spent his working life as a butcher he and his wife carol have three sons they lived in auckland for 40 years before moving south to canterbury to be closer to their grandchildren [Music] property manager debbie shoot has just found out that the man she calls dad is not actually her father i've traced her biological father and i'm about to find out if he'll meet his daughter hello i'm after ray yes are you from auckland are you yeah yeah come on in he's waiting for you oh it's good lovely day isn't it it is it's beautiful day today um you must be ray yes pleased to meet you i'm david hi hi so 46 years later things catching up a little bit what happened yeah it was a little bit i yeah thought uh sort of had to soon catch up with me sooner or later carol you're sitting here so you obviously know about debbie i've always known about debbie yeah um but it was a subject we went allowed to talk about oh you know i've always sort of felt myself well if she ever wants to know she'll come and get in touch with me sort of thing i didn't really want to after so many years didn't really sort of want to ruin her life so did you ever see debbie i've never seen her but i've had a hot photo of her when she was 10 months old do you still have it yeah i've been on all these years yeah would you like to see her i'd love to see her if you were just to push that button the woman talking to you that's debbie wow hi ray hopefully you are watching this my name is debbie and i am your daughter i only found out about four to five months ago so it's a real mystery to me it's probably come as a shock to you i'm not sure what you know but i am here because i would really like to meet you and hopefully you would like to meet me too yeah she's a very attractive girl she is actually she's actually very nice looking younger than what i imagine so how does it feel that debbie's potentially popped into your life now very interesting and yeah no she's looking real well so the big question would you be happy to meet her yes love to meet her i'd love to meet her debbie back in wellington is waiting anxiously she doesn't know i found her birth father well i've met a man in a place called loven which is just north of christchurch and his name's ray oh you did it i went i didn't escape you told me you were going down there but i had no idea you're going to meet anyone he's a very nice chap and him and his wife carol and he has a little photograph of you in his house what is he really oh no oh that's crazy he said he'd thought about trying to find you but was a bit worried that he'd cause a bit of chaos walking into your life wow [Music] that's so exciting that was really great news i never thought that would happen so quickly trent what trent did you hear that yeah that's so exciting i don't know what to say oh wow yeah david was in christchurch yesterday i met my birth dad really yeah really yeah i know that would have been that quick oh no oh oh that's fantastic wow so would you like to meet him definitely another interesting thing he he told me which will intrigue you but after your mum got pregnant and you were born that she actually stayed with his parents for quite a few months after you were born and they helped look after you i didn't know that that's fantastic yeah yeah well that would have been very sad then not to see me grow up yes yeah it seems like when your mum must have hooked up with your dad that the cat was made then oh okay well that's fantastic has he got children himself he's got three boys and oh my god one in melbourne one in christchurch oh wow one in dunedin wow that's very amazing yes debbie has just a few days until she heads south you're going to clean your room so this would be the fourth time i've asked her yep totally okay she is off to meet the father she never knew existed until just a few months ago ray along with carol is waiting in canterbury and the idea of meeting debbie i mean you're a bit old to get a new daughter really aren't you yeah well that's yeah that's a point well sounds like debbie's quite keen so yeah i'm quite looking forward to it you must be starting to feel a bit nervous about all this nervous and excited yeah have you thought about your dad ray what he looks like what sort of person he is no just wanting to find out and i'm so pleased that he wants to meet me that's just so so good after all this time now i'm going to cry can you see that man on the bridge there oh yes that's your dad and that's his wife carol okay [Music] i was just excited and i felt overwhelmed tears were coming to my eyes [Music] [Laughter] it was hard to believe you know after so many years to sort of see what she really looked like i had no idea didn't you no no idea it feels really weird it feels different um it still feels like it's not real and considering i didn't know anything about it six months ago yeah no sorry about all that whatever you think it's just one of those things debbie lived almost her whole life not knowing about her birth father but later rey is keen to show debbie he never forgot her yeah debbie this is a photo of you when you were 10 weeks old oh wow wow that's amazing to me when you're um she went to wellington wow that's so special you've kept it all this time yeah oh that's fantastic oh he's just a lovely man he's delightful um certainly go back and go over 47 years really of what's happened and that's a photo oh i think it's around about the time when i was taking your mother out oh wow look at those sideburns there i can see why very handsome isn't it she's lovely yeah it's gonna be nice to have a part of our family i'd like to meet her dad as well yeah i think they've done a great job of bringing her up and she's a good independent woman great to see yeah i'd like to think about very much debbie is in regular contact with carol and ray they have been to wellington to stay and to meet her family i think it's still sinking in but it's um absolutely delightful and i'm looking forward to what what the future holds for all of us [Applause] hi my name is peter warden and i'm looking for my dad wayne warden it would mean the world to me because i don't have any family support and i want to learn about my family history see if he's like me if you could please help me find my dad 21 year old perry werden works as a call center operator in auckland she was born in australia but knows nothing of her parents relationship when perry was a baby her mother left perth and her marriage and return to new zealand it seems her dad just lost contact mostly i think that he he may have just given up being you know away from australia into new zealand and i think that's why i really want to get to know him so i just want to know what his story is and if he did abandon me why [Applause] perry had a tough upbringing her mother struggled to look after her and as a youngster perry was placed into social welfare care later when she was 14 her mum suffered a severe stroke perry has since become estranged from her mother's family leaving her feeling isolated and alone i can get hard i have amazing friends but i just want an actual family member would it be good to find your dad [Music] it'd be the best thing in the world [Music] perry loves her art one day she hopes to be a marine biologist that sounds so cool yeah how did you do it no one understands what perry's been through in her life as much as her best friend and flatmate tamara tauroa it's been a struggle she won't admit it but i don't think she knows where home is because there's always been a part kind of missing yeah that's missing so i think by finding her dad might be able to help her fight home i think this thing i'm most scared of is actually meeting him there like you know if he has passed away that's such an easy thing to kind of get on with because i didn't meet him so i don't have anything to kind of mourn over he's like pretty much a stranger to me at the end of the day which is quite weird because he's my dad so [Music] i begin my search for wayne wooden on the assumption that if he's alive he's probably still in australia the family was living in perth when perry was born oh hello i was trying to track down a wayne wurden not you not having much luck i changed tech and i managed to find a wayne worden linked to a primary school in a town near adelaide oh hello is that the principal of fraser park school she confirms i have the right wayne wooden yeah one talks a lot about terry has that he is okay is there any way i could perhaps get a hold of a number for wayne i'm off to south australia heading east from adelaide to a place called murray bridge on the banks of the murray river wayne may not want to hear from perry i need to arrange to meet him face to face and find out [Music] 21 year old perry werden wants to know why her dad's never been in touch perry has close friends but no family around her i've just found a dad living in south australia oh hi wayne my name's david lomas and i'm from new zealand um hey look i'm in murray bridge and your daughter perry is wondering why you've never contacted her look i have not seen perry since she was six months old is she okay yes she's good but um her life's been pretty tough and what she really can't understand is why you never tried to find her well perry's made a video message which she wants me to show to you um would you be happy to see that hang yes i on wayne agrees to meet he's a solo dad who works as a carer for special needs children he brings his 16 year old son dellum you wayne yes hi how are you it's my son wayne's relationship with dylan's mother ended when the boy was just three months old wayne then raised him alone now your daughter's looking for you yeah it was it was a shock so how did it come to this um she went to new zealand when she was like six seven months old with her mother so long story short the plan was for me to go over there and meet up with perry and kim why didn't you go finances work not enough money but yeah never eventuated at all wayne tried to find perry searching the white pages talking to government agencies he was appalled and frustrated by what he discovered i found out through the welfare system here that perry was in a home foster home and i went well why why wasn't i informed well we were told that you were no longer around wayne's enquiries just brought him up against a brick wall i mean i would have supported my daughter i would have been there for her what about dallin did you ever tell him about pettery our time he had a sister yeah i've known since like as long as i could remember so you know i haven't known really anything other than her name so what do you remember of the little fairy when she was just a baby smiles would you like to see what your girl looks like i'd love to see perry so if you were to push that button dad if you're watching this this means um that they've found you which is great i've done this because i've been thinking about you a lot and i've always wanted to meet you and i was just wondering if you've ever tried to find me or if you think about me very often so i think it would be really nice to meet you if you'd like to meet me thank you wow my little girl [Music] when when perry left um with her mum it was [Music] sorry it was very hard yeah she's definitely he's definitely growing up so the big question is um would you be happy if we bring perry here to murray bridge ah i'll be wrapped it's time to update perry back in auckland she's waiting with her good friend tamara tauroa well i've been to australia to a place just near adelaide [Music] yeah and i found your father oh my goodness what really oh my gosh that is so weird and he cried when i said you were looking for him oh my gosh he'd tried to find you [Music] he didn't stop thinking about you i know oh my gosh so do you think you'd like to go to murray's bridge oh my gosh yes that's crazy [Music] a week later perry is back in the land of her birth it's a nerve-wracking time waiting to meet wayne who is still a mystery to her the father who last saw her 20 years ago [Music] how are you feeling really scared i'm nervous excited not in a bad way just nervous to meet him and see what he thinks of me and if you walk down this path here and down there on a pontoon would be a chap waiting that's your dad just down around maybe the guy standing there waiting [Music] really scary just had a lot of emotions and i didn't know how it was going to go from there a lot of thoughts going through my mind is she going to accept me [Music] hi hi [Music] the emotions are just going so fast [Music] it's okay it's okay i guess there's just a lot of emotions that i had bottled up kind of just bursting out i kind of knew that he was my dad even though it was the first time meeting him i don't want to lose you anymore from seeing her when she was so tiny to now was amazing she's growing up such to be a nice girl i've got another surprise for you later on oh my gosh okay you can come for drive my ute yeah you'll know it's my it's pretty bright what color is it yellow yeah and what type of yellow it's a ford oh yeah yeah [Music] there's a good reason for her ride perry doesn't know she has an australian brother [Music] i've got someone i want you to meet okay okay cool yes darling you're home darling yeah come on i want someone to meet you why'd you come with your sister this is perry this is darling that's it nice to meet you it's nice to finally meet you i'm tired of it i've just found out about you i told him a little bit about you a long time ago and i kept telling him all the time and he's been really excited yeah yeah now we're family so i met my brother and he's a cool little dude cool personality tom stone perry always had a hunch that her dad would love animals [Music] it doesn't matter whether she's a kiwi or an aussie she's my bowel exactly what it means i feel like i can call him dead without it being weird or awkward it's like my safe haven here somewhere i can come to come on perry is in regular contact with her new family and plans to visit again soon next week on lost and found when you make a commitment you stick with us the teenage daughter who vanished her dad left when she was born would he want me in his life and he's never met his father i'm predicting that he's tall and good looking

Channel: Only Human

Views: 121,359

Keywords: Only Human, deep emotional impact, documentary series 2022, emotional documentaries, emotional rollercoaster, emotional rollercoaster ride, family heritage, family ties, finding closure, heart-touching stories, heart-wrenching stories, heartfelt reunions, life-changing encounters, lost family history, missing fathers, missing persons, personal journeys, reconnecting with roots, searching for identity, touching human experiences, uncovering the past

Id: lal4Dc80onM

Length: 44min 43sec (2683 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 18 2022