MST3k 509 - The Girl in Lovers Lane

in a not too distant future next Sunday ad there was a guy named Joe nothing different than you owe me his Moloch institute just another face in red jumpsuit you get a good job cleaning up the place and other science facts it's just the show come on bro let's go yeah yeah just a sec Tom hi everyone welcome to the satellite of love I'm crow T robot and this Sears Tom servo honey we're retrofitting each other with belly buttons yep turns out our compeer Joel Robinson completely overlooked belly buttons so we're just doing it ourselves yep oh and there's a good chance we're doing something incredibly stupid again yeah but once it's done Joel can't do anything about it oh this isn't gonna hurt as a groan yeah Mariette Hartley had to navels in genesis - okay Oh Oh be sure to put some lint in it - sure all right okay let's do it ah gravy what are you guys doing hi Joel oh we're giving each other bellybutton can't do that oh okay we weren't that sure why Joel why why can't you give me the gift of one simple bellybutton look at me Joel I who have none yeah Joe we don't want to feel weird around the other guys in the locker room please please okay Kevin an example this was definitely a mistake drilling holes in our mid sections we're that poor Schmo OOP man there but for the grace of God go I quiet I'm contemplating my bondo navel oh the crisping Quaker ha ha ha ha ha that Fannie Flagg is out there what it's them let's talk baseball's better yet let's talk baseball sponsors better yet let's just talk ha ha ha ha baseball a great American pastime but how can we as evil scientists hope to dilute or even destroy this great summertime event Frank oh boy this is gonna be dark thanks our invention exchange is based roughly on the popular baseball promotion nut you know Pat Knight a sock night tunnel of chilly night right but we've made it evil and hurtful you know like we like to do so we've rewritten the baseball season with some unsavory and in some cases downright dangerous cross promotional giveaways for the season opener we have colorless odorless toxic gas no yeah this not hold a special the first 10,000 lucky kids get slide whistle oh boy and the second lucky 10,000 kids get real brass knuckles yeah the first 10,000 lucky kicks become unlucky oh this symbol here represents the lovable huggable San Diego chicken which must mean it just happens to be crossbow knight full drag right uh-huh give me 5 oh you are righteous ha ha then there's the promotional tie-in the beauty of this concept is is that it hurts the company supplying the product as well as the fan themselves now cording presents fiberglass insulation night parke-davis presents used syringe night tires plus presents the peppermint schnapps tire iron double head turn well that's about as evil as it gets don't you think you owe you oh sure sir that's real evil course it is well our invention exchange this week is based on some foot fashions and some clever wordplay Tom thanks Joel say ever notice how the trendy shoes Doc Martens and the name of the popular mad cartoonist Don Martin almost sound the same well we did right and.i take a walk on the wild side department has converted the command table to a high-fashion walk way to present Martin jewel yes yes Don Martin the maddest of the mad cartoonists has a real flair for drawing funny Footwear and Doc Martens British shoe and Porter also has a real flair for making and selling funny Footwear aah aah what do you think chest your best your tester how about poopie night boo me your movie this week Joel is a little piece of dreck called the girl in Lovers Lane poopie nice hey Frank come on that's funny I'm not saying it isn't funny what are you gonna give kids pool well I nice shoes Burlington Northern presents a film by Casey Jones how's that mr. chair moosh wait we just want to pants you we've never pantsed a hobo before he doesn't understand the concept of hopping afraid Ali Ali frigging accent free sir we just run a punch your ticket Calvin Klein Jeans damn Jehovah's Witnesses Richie Brockman the lost episodes hey my trusty library card I heard a wallet over there Scotty eat be me out of here hey rolled himself like wallets like son stamp all butts dad out oh well at least he's a donor hey I think we losing our significance here we better do some crimes man will be written right out of the script you guys look like an easy target for thugs hell I'd like to beat him up sneak by Ryan sneak oh you know this happened on Thomas the Tank Engine Shawn okay you join our discussion Solana you're dead I'll hold it do searches Park you do the voice I'll move the jaw he's clean yeah crazy I saw the role he was pat haven't got any money lion damn Student Loan Association he was loaded must have ditched it somewhere now you've done it I know this guy was carrying a fat roll and some babies tennis shoe get yourself a pair of glasses all that work for nothing don't cheapen the moment kidnapped the Frank Sinatra jr. story oh it's Jesus in Oxford's no not good heft hey guys look what I just found I'm gonna put him in my room impose him and thus the passenger train is born Berlin with Jackie not Jack LaLanne there's no time a screenplay by Joe Himes that's pretty lame the who feels a sense of shame me they caught our take a measure of food like shame but no to their disdain good Oh the girl in Lovers Lane hey wake up snowball the credits are over hey I'm in here do you mind you got a week job boy hardly touched no I'm kind of a found my friends call me wormy oh wait a minute where's my certs I meet a new hobo and I have bad breath Christina's world that's something that belongs to me well I guess maybe we got something to talk about well that'll make the time go fast what is that okay you want to take it from me yeah your brothers clobbered me and I'll wake up six hours later then I watched you about their kid you were scared real scared you're scared right now really quite scared tell you what don't hit B I gave you a car fare home I'm not going where you headed that's my business but you don't seem to understand kid you're out of it you're under bankruptcy protection from the court will you had a hundred bucks here how come you're hopping phrase it's kind of hard to hop a plane well you aren't used to traveling this way this is something new to you you don't even ought to handle yourself yet I got separated from my band trip okay what meaning you don't know how to hang on to what's yours I give this back to somebody else so just take it away again good idea you better hang on to my clothes then to what tonight good sex poodle oh yeah Danny Winslow fix Dogen big stupid mr. stupid camera wall back now war-torn Wisconsin Wow you gotta be a wallet and I just lost mine you said you'd stolen out of kept it how does that make you feel hey you may get some sweet name alright I can't sleep now I'm too excited I think maybe you got a long way to go and I'm gonna take you there hey I call it top bunk hey geek hey are we bond for glory right now mr. big stupid rail rail against the dying of the light you were incredible Thanks can I have a glass of water are you asleep yeah I'm thinking can we snuggle aren't you know we can attain we're a poem about you while you were sleeping index back to sleep I'm serious wake up and talk to me wait here this is getting weird hmm wherever this trains headed I in particular I'm sure we call ahead and make reservations that's right I've got an idea toaster pastries congratulations a big stone laughs of my footie pajamas on it put him on okay all right hop on what do you want to talk about well I was thinking about changing the part in my hair I was just thinking since you don't care where you go just so long as you keep moving why can't we travel together killed a bunch of Jeff tourism here could be next well for one thing you got a hundred bucks kid I don't know whether you know it or not but a national vagrant don't make much money well the money will be my part of it to you you'll bring a sense of style I I just like to have someone to go with and I'll give you ten dollars every time you don't hit me it's your Lupin I guess we're stuck with each other dear diary I think I'm finally becoming a real vagrant big stupid says he's gonna teach her the ins and outs of drifting hey mother hey this boxcars enormous would you move Danny camera three get off the track camera three I woke up and you were there I hate that what's the matter seven minutes late where a cone on the tracks at Brixton enough is that bad when they stopped for water do you want me to get you some water piks is water shut up then hold me oh it's just as I dreamed it would be looks like we're about a mile from town better get off here Neverland why don't we just take the train all the way in sure all the way in and right to jail did you buy a ticket for this Joyride slowing down come on mr. big stupid catch me is this right am i walking with you right I'll always remember you Buck's car number 183 7-5 6-2 or 93 goodbye I'd really like to freshen up now gee I thought Vegas would be bigger and shinier but although the Drifters like father like bum think about it won't you set a girl My Lord on a flatbed Ford slow and down take a look oh hey I want you to take this kid for me well yeah hey can we stop for biscuits and gravy big I think it said on your keys metonymy come to Funkytown German nice little town I'll say no ifs ands or buts Moon Junction wore a Petrino or a patrie yes actually guys it's Milly helper that's real nice man but you're still under arrest see you later you're so very hey Trina being sued oh it's just another freight it'll still be in soon Oh Peggy not another one the half one he'll get fat Johnny isn't complaining Johnny's pretty wild you've been seeing a lot of him lately well he's better than nothing you haven't tried nothing been seeing anybody you never do oh I can't talk to boys the way you do that's silly carry sides who has to talk oh I get it no you just walked in Shermans answered of the brainless wonder hey it's Abe Lincoln my paw left a list of things for you to get Jessie lice shampoo and a comb you understand what you're to do now I don't think you're getting through honey try drawn pictures hey what did I say talking to you I know I just like to look at you Wow maybe I should leave you two lovebirds alone no supposed to go down a store and get your possum supplies in there right yes that's right as a young man Garrison Keillor was shunned by his friends Thank You Jessie ah ah I wish that I was just this girl smells like Derby can Tamales friendly am i I don't ever want to be alone with him just the thought of it oh stop it Kari for goodness sakes his harmless is a pub yeah Cujo buddy knows it poor idiot likes you that's all it's the way you're dressed who wouldn't leer at you he is a man honey I know you'll see when I'll come along they always do that's our midge green our lady sexy ladies I don't know if you - no get out out out big should I have not put my head in the driver's lap was that wrong look how Sherman here we cut up any Oh ever been here before small towns are all the same see one you've seen them all well the zoning is different I'm hungry I said something to eat it's good idea catching a kid that was very insightful of you we're hungry but I thought of it you know you think that could be my new job fix decide when to eat shut up Danny oh you gonna tell your old man eyes lately no of course not but but what shouldn't have brought her in here with you what's the harm you know how I feels about her he's told you time and again not to let Sadie in here how's he gonna know unless you tell him let me worry about it they may all kiss my grandson don't ever say that again okay well addy well first a little respect me domina meal Oh funny man huh like that interested you're gonna have to excuse the looks of this place wait used to cater into the carriage trade well do you think you could get back here with a menu before the food goes bad foods bad already it on you bud was this a sad cafe certain weight on those clowns hi midges can I start you out with some grilled mahi mahi and agreed for cream sauce don't fall in love with us baby will hurt you every time have you made up your mind yet have I ever damn time the order well I'll have scrambled eggs and coffee okay you want juice salad roll grapefruit half our pudding Rosie the early years I didn't think life could get any worse I'm gonna go turn on the gas I've got a feeling you're spending the rest of our money right here you're not ready for quips yet Danny now what I got in mind Danny Boy shouldn't cost me uh we're drifters you oh you have your food already how'd you do that should I use a fork mix hey you're new in town a chat yeah the open road is our home ma'am what come on over Danny wants to talk to you suddenly this is rain yeah maybe like the Welcome Wagon here tell me all about yourself well I don't have any bones just cartilage and well can I tempt you with some dessert sorry about that earlier sexism thing there she wipe in his lap a mr. spot what's your name honey Carrie I'm so various bet you have a lot of boyfriends pretty girl like you know I'm saving myself for the right oily drifter condiment man get your condiments just wow we hit a wrinkle in time delivery man Always Rings Twice that's an unusual odor do you want to one of what one of your boyfriend's oh no that's Jesse he does odd jobs around town very odd jobs you know you're a beautiful girl Carrie you're so very that you got a yellow dress and yellow eyes ruffles on it or something mumbles you're making fun of me huh hey why don't you put that dress on tonight you and me'll go for a walk maybe take in a movie I'd like that well you have to be there I don't know your name Vic's and I'm daddy what time you get off 8:00 I pick up here yeah I live under the counter so I'll be right here daddy there's a drifter outside get out of my underwear that's a nice name please dead kid in a boxcar on the edge of town ma'am save it honey there ain't no business here now wait a minute besides he's only a kid you wouldn't appreciate it anyway listen you cut out Bix it's nice to meet someone with manners for a change so now your day is complete let's have more breakfast I want to get you messing around with my friend here I got no manners hey check tiger grrrrrr I'm gonna pay the check now grrrrrr come on hey okay what's ten percent of seventy nine cents why'd you keep calling me John huh hey cambot could you do that music again Decker whoo ladies and gentlemen my name is Joel Robinson and there's nothing that sets my heart a wandering like the sound of a train was full on the call to the open road the urge to chuck it all and hop a freight train is one of the most dramatic notions of the century roll that's why we've decided to write our own train songs we hope it brings out the same traveling vagabond everywhere i hang my hat is home spirit eenie you with joan if you will Thank You crow T country I hear that train come in coming round the hill I hope that is my train I better check my schedule oops that was the Train Appleton but it's going to circle fines yeah and I got about 20 minutes to kill it's good thing I brought some magazine been rotting on the Soul Train been rotting it on that I think I'll go to the club car and get myself a bottom this tuna-melt Sandman really it tastes quite nice Oh got sesame seeds in the pond boss it comes across on a pickle and I must say it's reasonably price a roll 5:15 from De Luca my it's just derails a toxic-waste is filling a conductors been impaled off NZ clown as within and all that got into car within a matter of days all of our kin will follow I'm gonna pick one now okay thank you you know Cambon picketing yeah you know guys I I get the feeling we're not really cut out to do train songs after all I really think that being we are in space and all were a lot better at suited it's singing about being in cars Paul we're just going for a walk I know but after all he's a stranger what do you know about it he's a drifter here one minute gone the next he's wearing a stomach side I want anything to happen to you honey kind of fawn to you huh he's the first boy I've seen that I want to go out with and I'm approaching menopause for pete's sake well he's kind of easy to talk to your grandmother is easy to talk to take a walk with her it's important to me it's hard to tell if he combs his hair forwards or backwards he's got six fingers it's Larry and donkeys apartment oh I like watching you shave big she's not that kind of girl I'll grow up you didn't fall for that shy routine digit you're not gonna pick making your nose again are you seven still got an hour to kill maybe I'll kill you hey let's check the action in this town huh right wow that's the closet big let's go bye Barton things for a drink or Danny about all that loot you've got Pat in your pocket what about well me with all my experience don't you think I ought to kind of look after it no I'll hold on to it what's the matter Donna's face count for nothing yeah no response needed come on nobody trusts nobody anymore you got your key come on big we've been by the appliance for three times now there's nothing going on how's your game Danny Boy I never played pool you never played pool didn't they teach you nothing at home anything come on follow me it's the Catholic teen center are we going to hustle these men big change for 50 please the color of Danny lead his head just turned into a big sucker what are you trying to do buy the place just break the 50 up that was a lot of money back in those days he probably put it bought the place how do you want it two 20s a 5-4 wasn't some change wait take that three 20s oh listen why don't I just save you the trouble and give these guys the money 225 1 2 3 4 change you got it buddy yeah you got pull tabs here oh hi well rack them up and call the ambulance so this pool huh I cut my teeth on these babies I'm sorry hey you know we never know how to work this thing before watch him close your bed he's an expert hey there Squiggy oh never mind anyway a plane I am Zenon planing never mind us it's prude how could a champ you are is this the way it's gonna be man yes no pass friend you're carrying a lot of money yes we are thank you very much why don't you use some of it to prove how good you are let's go get a snowy Hamlet yeah my friend here just killing a little time so why don't you take your kindergarten and blow oh my Tomica logical region sure look it up well that was awkward hey do you guys know anything about that prostitute lady no streets get awful dark be careful when you leave here Thanks safe home to you too the tension in the air is palpable why do you drive people away big stupid do they mean what I think they mean what it's dark outside what's that Danny Boy they'll be waiting for us outside is that it some message I got is it okay that I wet my pants what do we do about it well I think maybe we should just run fix fix you loo easy you want to look on the dark side we get killed and they get our loot and being in a state of mortal sin we go straight to hell right side keep our loo well we get killed anyway I think I see where you're going with this any way you look at it Danny Boy looks like we're gonna get our heads bashed in well is there another mentor around here like you just reading Kathy Lee me out of it Vic said you changed me I don't we have to fight if we don't want to testosterone why can't we just love because that's the way things are kid uh-huh uh-huh Joe wants it ain't easy to hold on to what's yours sometimes you got to fight for it well you better not keep him waiting yeah they might get angry and hit us I guess well let's get down to business okay just four of them and one of you okay what I'm gonna do see is I'm gonna kill you and strap you around my body for armor two of us I just don't come out right what's so funny well anyway you look at it we're gonna get killed I don't want to be a hobo I want to be a nurse uh-uh I forgot my comb comb over here Oh which one of you is big stupid George says to tell you you'll make a deal we'll give you five dollars I'll get a hard-boiled egg in your purse hand over the wallet nice and peaceful and you can walk out of here the same way to came in well I don't make sense I thought it didn't sound give you our wallet we go out of here flat broke and man that ain't the way we came in that's your answer then that's it Sonny okay all right well I'll just let let the dang and all the Jerry no no I'll Quebec okay I think he likes me can I have change for a 50 what a dummy come on good boy come on Benny hey huh sir can you change this back into a 50 yeah well I didn't expect to spend the whole 50 bucks in there we're flat broke now they got away that was brilliant certainly not worth bugging us for um 75 cents the dark side of Mayberry yeah Pandi we're hearing that with them with some homespun wisdom I feel sorry for the unfortunate boy whom I buzz hey what's the downside of running again big really good show tonight with your parodies you earlier cheetahs alley it's where you're gonna die pay attention how is Ellie yeah this is where it'll be thing you do like I said no teeth remember folks a backhand will knock and cold for hours hey it's got all the furnishings from their boxcar what can I do without you guys I'll get a tricorder reading captain yeah yeah Frankie Valli in the four seasons of the apocalypse I'll give him a manicure to never forget hello dumb to do to do to do do do do do do oh this is the alley where Fonzie was introduced hey sit on it plop plop fist fist oh what a fight it is what do you wait for daddy but don't hurt me I had this glass jaw thingy Danny likes you mister look I got a drop I think okay I got it okay Spartacus Frodo isn't one of those barrels well that smacks of Tolkien ism watch out for the recycling oh it's trying to uncomfortable into death well he looks good in a choker Oh Danny Plus hope help Obama lost save spa what's a little guy doing in there crosby Stills Nash and young have creative differences long may you punch it's Donny most and Joel Grey in a fight to the death you guys need anything in there the cross on the switchblade mom were you doing down there kid I don't get you fixed up what about your date Kennedy Davenport hmm now wait a sec I'm just gonna pop this yeah Hannah you got a lot to learn Oh still well the idea is to keep your face away from his fists not put it out there we can fight it guess I'm not much of a fighter what are you whispering 40 no secret how about that guy grind in the knee you know first thing in the morning we're gonna have to get some new clothes sheriff sees his knees Reitzel throws in jail for vagrancy is that constitutional Biggs yeah any more of those five bars left I was scared if you hadn't have been there I would have run I almost dead anyway what a wuss well we're all scared sometimes kid when you're in a spotlight tonight you have two choices you can stay and face it and be afraid or you can run and be ashamed it's up to you which is he just delivered now take the ladder I need two bad plastic surgeon fix you up in no time take a look so am I supposed to look like a Picasso of anything dad we never believe this you two didn't get along too good huh well sure it's quite a guy a lawyer well level with me kid what's this back-alley trip for well you may as well know I'm the prince from Liechtenstein big you said they were getting a divorce dad made it clear it was my fault just like that he said still 19 years have been a waste of time at all you can see the string one was you cut out you ran away how do you choose between two people who have always seemed like one to you whoo I've never had that problem I wouldn't know what to tell you you're on your own on this one Danny trotting me into a corner oh my Danny this isn't the answer my dad's man-to-man talks I couldn't think straight I had to get away from this is not your induction physical Danny maybe without them pushing I can work things out for myself I'm gonna take some money out of the till for the booze okay honey we made over five dollars today that's a lot for these days and ina clock business goes under your dad's a lawyer you make good money his eyes been able to give me whatever I wanted within reason tell me another story big I guess you'd say we're as close as a guy and his dad can be big was that something I said in the fight what's funny now sounds like my own man we were real close to took me everywhere he went I knew every beer joint in town by the time I was 8 that's somebody's ideal childhood gave me a lot of things to mostly his fist to my face did he swing it or just place it there gently well I'm gonna go continue the cycle I know these kind of guy honey he's a drifter they never stay put very long he might have left town last night here's the lunch rush July no Paul take the order back off daddy's mine okay hi hi hi hi Dora are you going to add I don't know what do you got anger and resentment I waited for you last night oh yeah yeah hmm well suddenly came up out of nowhere and I had a trance species experience all over his face oh hey no kiddin Carrie I'm sorry let's make it for tonight what do you say same time all right tonight sucker hi hi hi you imagine what two hours I waited for him last night hmm what are you talking Donny who else two hours I'm waiting he doesn't even show up how does he carry sometimes enemy mix Nayeli may I did it again big I know there huh hi right back atcha this is big and this is uh this is den hi hmm you're kind of cute for a boy hmm what happened to your face what happened to my face dude stupid shaving and the moment collapses got a guy sooner I got 5,000 times follow me ah do you like Aqualung love the coat you're mad about last night are you know you can walk over me anytime they don't forget that yellow dress don't with a rough won't bring some french fries too why even take your dancing on it sure [ __ ] more cranks good bring it along I still don't approve who is that character back there keep staring at Leicester flats that's my father oh look at the time I'm doing Omaha so basically the plan is to get him to ask for change for the pinball machine then threaten him and then we beat the snot out of them like in the movie right well yeah guess that's it in a nutshell that's beautiful time but what if he doesn't fall for it huh you kidding it's like an overgrown child he's practically got rube sewn into the back of his underwear he's the poster child for nanotech here coming oh oh hi Bros hey my old pinball machine yeah want to play yeah know what else going on Duke nothing Joel not a thing we used our tricorders to scan the SOL for entertainment potential and the pinball machine is the only thing that even moved the meter well you guys know best ha ha ha oh what's that I said do you need any quarters yeah you know actually I don't have any money let's just forget it I'll give you $50 need change mobs crawl this doesn't have any connection to that weird beating seen in today's film does it no wait chief I can't believe Jesus all I mean I would make you think that it's just a cheese yeah right like like hey servo let's drag the pinball machine on deck and get Joel to ask for change for the 50 and then Hans file and buy a bunch of crates we set up to look like the alley yeah right Jesus Kashi well it's all right with you then I'll just borrow one of your quarters and play game no of course go ahead that's right though what do you think it's there for hi Joel uh yeah uh you're not gonna take that $50 and come into our mock alley set and let us hock call you and snag on you and stuff for you I know ok I'll be right back oh really yeah Joel uh yeah honey you're absolutely sure yeah okay well then we're just gonna have to hog-tie you here hmm sorry we had to use the mr. headset what's wrong what I do now women you brought your tackle box no wonder I'm upset so this is Bass Lake huh my dress it's blue I don't have a yellow dress I tried to make a killer with my mind but I got fired isn't a ruffle on it anywhere yeah I'm Artie yes I've got so didn't hear a dog drives girl of flying the demon was lost come on sit on come on move it haven't got all day no feels like swollen glands well I think we found our girl in Lovers Lane mm-hmm ha doesn't know very much about girls clothes there's so much you could say that got a boyfriend somebody special I thought you were gonna be him I don't know any boys really I mean really know them you know her neck looks like Randy Johnson's from the Seattle Mariners hmm I don't get it yeah me neither what I love the Rings they make when they hit the water yeah rings right boo boo boo boo boo rings thing really bugs me it'll be you me in the moon you wear a necktie so I'll know you oh this is a great date I always wanted to be nuzzled by a hobo smell the cash grounds don't you dare mark me where the heck did your lips go oh there we go remember make the tongue the reward not the rule Oh forgive me for responding to you so when a man says no he means yes right no you know why I brought you out here but to get to my father got any idea but for my Tater Tot hot dish recipe but to talk about hockey how you would uh cuz you like shoes come on can't take you home okay sorry about being warm Kendra in accommodating just a little dark from the coca-cola company is a hostile here in the back he's making that special sauce well if it is a little daddy's blood I don't think the kid will need a mother anymore I think maybe tonight he becomes a man yeah how'd you figure that up Sadie was in here earlier what something about a bar Mitchell she kind of robbing the cradle he ain't no crated the knife friend well the meat looks good Gary where she came what's this all about this guy's not Cal what's going on here this bum sent my friend over that Sadie Dame and now he can't remember where she lives Sadie how many Tonto lives around the Carter at 9:33 Elm Street third bedroom on the Left pink Lander a hanging Pete you're through no more excuses just get up you'll never serve lunch in this town again that's the last time I hire a pimple Bill Haley hey you know what just found out this place is a brothel Syd believe us well I'll have what he's having it's Unforgiven meets making the grade hey YouTube Raquel's in there why is she seeing the theme to the Six Million Dollar Man but what I wouldn't give to be mr. bubble right now what's your prob sorry wrong room Melanie Griffith are you waiting for a bus yes sir we'll get the heck out of here hey wait a sec bring mommy a beer I'll be right out why did they have a bathtub in the sitting room well turn you back done now hook what did I come in here for Danny now that really appeals to pure interest he could floor hmm well hello there tassel feet Joe when I grow up I want to be a drifter how does that tal stay in place nice shirt are you in the wrong room now I've never been in a writer room in my life no if this room is wrong I don't want to be right yeah what the problem is that she looks like Kurt Russell and Tango in cash that's amazing do you know now do you take MasterCard I know what room I'm in this hooker is just prostituting yourself you know being with a hooker is just too much of a commitment for him yo I'll just check behind this green door hey hello misses her frosted Danny hmm hey she's got a skunk costume it sounds like you'll be blanks in the next room hmm sir there's no late seating until intermission this is getting into a weird area Cindy Brady all grown up hey your coupon for the frisco milk I'm Sadie girl we both know you ain't that expensive oh you got me come on put all that green back where it belongs go fly what What's My Line well oh I'm just not getting through to you am I tell you what take five up here so cuz that's just what your world cheap booze you use to get him drunk say I hate hitting Dame's oh man there's so much not to like about this guy oh we sting II you know back in those days five bucks was a lot of money yeah uh what's a hundred minus five here's mr. Fawlty talk about dipping into that you oughta teach you any better maybe you ain't dishonest maybe you're just illiterate you look real close see a two and an O side-by-side like that make 20 Sadie girl not five oh she's a prostitute you can't really shame her okay ain't you ashamed tears fall like rain cocktail hey say don't you know why do all prostitutes just like Joan Blondell I know he just broke Danny you know Danny's are come with his own tote you know once again biggest save Danny from a heterosexual experience I'll just reschedule at the front desk your buddy let's get to a nice honest fresh hooker oho Danny you're killing me ah there at the Shady Rest hotel I got a stomachache big well it's gonna put Danny down for a nap yeah yeah red meat stinky cheese head man okay we're back to bed honey oh you know this guy's life would have been a lot simpler if he would have just lost his wallet and gone home ended up like Bob Crane that won't hurt to try look honey please all right oh uh you know I'm shrinking at an alarming rate over here good morning boys everything worked out okay lesson do you meet my brother challenge I let Pete go I don't know with that kind of thing in my place yeah I'll be kind of shot to help for a while hey he's got a TVs friend throw down legs and coffee he'll have a penicillin me too sure that stopped the music my eggs a call that you cheated you he said they'll have scrambled eggs and coffee ask him Paul come on ask him huh would you please go out with my daughter I stay for a white wedding is he coming on to us big stupid don't order the toast toast you know they're drifting career is really stalled they just man carried now for a while she'll could use somebody to help out I'll be in Vegas next week with scattered Orson I don't suppose you'd be interested in working for spell me I get cold sweats at the thought of it why don't you Bix we're getting kind of low on money we'll manage but our nest egg we didn't plan on hanging around hey it's the Kami lady you uh really stuck yeah it's got a Gullwing to pay don't wormhole five years later where are the kids I just felt a chill of horror honey no how about some of those good Powdermilk biscuits heaven sir tasty what is it with his creepy as you're shaking like a leaf why I don't like him and I guess he knows it he's always trying to touch me well you are one of three women in town well we don't see if you like to touch me so you wanna but hey don't touch me he looks like a gargoyle well you have and tagging is special I want a girl to wait on me she's busy I'll take your order I want the girl I said she's busy well will you put on a dress and say may I help you I'll come back when she ain't now this new waiters just killing their business woof what an odor urine into the Brussels sprouts maybe you better get ready to go I'll take you home okay baby yeah it's all yours Danny Boy take over you all by myself in here I'm stepping into a pretty big apron here Eric ermine no you all oh well uh enjoy yourself get a minute you might wait on the customers - all both of them you gotta die huh you know back then a dime was like having a thousand dollars yeah they're in the land of the laws watch out for sleestaks romance strikes biosphere - I like it here on Omicron Ceti three Jim big you have a job now can we maybe go to a movie or something I've never been out of Sherman well it ain't the world is a lot more than this I guess you've been about almost every place there is yeah just about seen it from the inside of a boxcar but just about oh there your damn rings hey you wanna bet gee I've never had a bath before no come on come on ha ha ha oh I think it broke my ankle greenstick - don't you ever get tired I mean don't you ever feel like you want to stop do what yeah stop and stay put someplace person's got to belong somewhere doesn't he but nobody doesn't belong to Sara Lee you see that boom mic picks up everything we said before in my head for so long I wouldn't know no other kind no that is so out there and I get kind of lonesome sometimes don't you Kerry yeah but I just throw myself at a hobo and kind of figure on I'll do the talking don't let it get you someday some guys gonna come to town and pick you out over everybody else over Millie and the prostitutes sure but before you know it you'll be in love with super sugar krill you need to be in love with some guy the right guy no all right I will I know if he really loves me beats me I know it well then quit giving out free advice well come on kid you better take me home I can't get my mind off the rings really love the rings I need the Rings the Rings there either have you ever been in love well I like to count once no never stayed in one place long enough never wanted to I'm all screwed up and said come on kid I'll take you home is getting late would you stop calling me kid and taking me home my bluff it's cut well I gotta go I'll see you I mean you can't move no god on oh well well well well this is a very interesting situation here well now that you have undressed how about that bath oh one day Caesar is half undressed I see her as 90% dress is the way it happens well usually there's dinner in a movie but yeah big do you have a sewing kit oh it's the stage manager from our town ah she's still busy can she wait on me he's actually one of the better dressed men in this town well here we are 26 1/5 Lovers Lane I can see pause home Papa I didn't think he'd be home this early where is he been Nate coming son is getting married they had a bachelor party for him sounds wild well if it isn't the great drifters king at a hobo is damn an ice dam yes Paul looks like you did too well you know me honey I never drink much yeah let's see a drift drifter good night Biggs yeah well you mad you gotta hit hit me drifter truck you're drunk yeah I missed your judgmental over there took a freight train from Kansas City and you're something special hah look you know big stupid is not a very appealing leading man oh you got me there I'm drunk all right I'm outta ammo that one yeah I'm gonna go dry rock her out of her on a window in my underwear hey you're drunk - what's up hoppin big I blew my paycheck on another prostitute sorry you have a fight with Kari no you looks like blue boy at the dinner table up there gal Landers he was drunk that smell like my old man here it calm didn't look like him aisle me think I'll keep him used to work me over regular every time he got drunk he got drunk everyday so he worked me over every day as the pointy the would-wouldn't he didn't slug me when he came home I thought he was sick was he well not I hit him back he fell down and he never got up again hmm it was a full of booze he drown in it ha ha ha yeah sorry I killed him oh my dad missed parents night at glee club the doc said the fall had nothing to do with it so I killed him too his heart just gave out but you said you killed him I did I pulled his heart out and made it stop I wished him did so how was your day once I had a whole pack of snowballs and I vomited the backseat she's new Hey they're losing their will to drift need it all get them in with my own two dirty hands mm-hmm I bet you've got a lot of hidden talents I don't keep nothing hidden at all shows know not what do you give me for it what do you want if you have to ask forget it tiger right here's your dang time cantaloupe well time to drift got drifting in my blood you know Rick matter yeah I'll be right back I have to wipe them your heart showing I should plug that hole he's leaving soon I know he is so he leaves and another guy comes along what's the problem you go to the doctor you get some shots I love him Peggy do you it sounds like the robber your mistake there's no such animal what is she Lydia lunch over here Danny you have a weird body you homesick kid I guess they're pretty worried about me by now ain't hard to make a phone call the operator does all the work no not yet I I'm not ready yet maybe we ought to be moving on she's kind of stuck on you yeah she's stuck on another branch maybe you're stuck on her too I look bright boy you start playing cupid I'm gonna throw you to the fish the bluegill scare me but we could stay here for a while no I will leave at the end of the week just like we planned whoa just cut my thumb off touji been here too long already man I don't know what the problem is maybe the three bean salad throw sand on it gee hey you two how about a swim oh not yet tiger you're just finished eating we'll take a walk with you though ready Kenny lot of stuff a weird bikini that was my favorite scene here smell this will you seen Carrie tonight no you take tonight off get yourself rolled but I thought that don't every time you think it gives me a headache seems to me you ought to tell her then you should get a funnel she's not like other girls you ought to tell her we're leaving soon most girls he can just use I'll be in the back I have some supplies done pack yeah my heartbreaking tools came in mm-hmm I got a customer oh why do I do what I do stay calm stay calm pervert burger by yourself kid yeah where's the girl Carrie she think man she left early tonight she entered the witness protection program as a kind of wouldn't when you and your partner gonna leave you know in this town we don't like people coming in and taking things I think call us persnickety know what I mean let me get you some Mexi skin high high by ammonia glare grass clippings what is that odor what is it with this creep every time he shows up somebody gets the jitters I don't know there's something about him his eyes he's overpowering stench he's not the harmless idiot they think he is I am what do you want Carrie this is like a route 66 episode I'll take tonight off after all okay sure I'd hate to meet him in a dark alley some night what would you do run oh that hurt why can't you ever support me I got a hankerin to humiliate a drunk dad oh hi miss foster Brooks tumble out of bed yet hi are you going good luck my mind if I die take a walk there you show me the thing with eggs or the pop bottle again okay now Tom I don't want you doing this on your own okay okay now exactly what's gonna happen again Oh what happens is the fire burns up all the oxygen in the bottle and creates a vacuum the egg gets sucked down into the bottle cool I'm Jack Elam uh this here in the Webelos handbook that should take about two or three minutes no look it's Jack you lay egg on top oh oh hi nice Jack Elam costume crow hey slip in the bottle huh so is it done it yet no there are the goods you ordered don't don't bump the desk the anger don't talk to me I only want to deal with gypsy she run crawl we get that you're dressed like Jack Elam okay not just dressed like an Elam am Jack Elam to live like the Elance moving it is uh no I guess not oh look look look at me look at me a sec look look look I'll do that bouncy thing he does ah you guys are a tough crowd worked a long time on this that's great crow you really look like him yeah crow but maybe you look a little too much like Jack Elam yeah well maybe I do servo what's wrong with that huh Jack Elam was a brilliant character actor for all I know he still is and and you know what I've never been as Jack Elam as I am at this moment I am Jack Elam that I don't need your pity yes you do what are you saying that I'm a total failure no I'm saying that you're a total failure and you look like Jack Elam haha guys don't appreciate me let's go we got commercial sighs we gotta get a new egg already crow I'm not Jack Elam anymore I don't know maybe a soft-boiled egg sorry guys but do something you didn't like you're drunk aren't you look Carrie you're so very I don't know how to take you you say you're gonna wear a yellow dress I don't know what to do with you I'm a drifter a nobody oh I ain't the guy you've been waiting for you ate him why don't I hurt you I like you daddy you like I'm no good for you Carrie but I I've never met anyone like you and if you're lucky you never will again you don't know anything thanks I think all the time for you learn all the nice things I can't teach him to you I'm booked solid things you learn from me you'd be better off never knowing like algebra yeah ask your old man he's got me pegged right he knows I don't stay put I think he'd like you to stay he said I have to say side of a week you'd be pushing me around slapped me down selling me to foreign dignitaries they giving it back oh heck I'll stay still good you and me Carrie it's just no good love should be musky and whiskery and bad go on dr. time-traveling again stop it's if I'm something new d something new T then maybe I could teach you something - how do crinkle-cut fries and I K you're so very yeah how do you like my theme music big stupid did a great job protecting her Jack no drop her drop her 20 little carry Anders miss innocence herself and you can stop play-acting because I followed you and hell up here stay away from you Jessie no he's taken on a tour go quality very turtle a stay away from and I know no jack oh and don't hurt none and you can stuff for Kenan you're silly why didn't I tell you I was watching you and have shot ok can I carry big stupid to the rescue my big stupid bounty go why did I want to be Hey well I went straight thanks John kisser she always says no no Jessie now Jack has a legitimate beef there someday you ain't gonna be around to pick up the pieces when somebody breaks your heart well I'm gonna leave you again he probably won't be back you'll be fine let's go make some of your dumb rings what time will you be over tonight I don't know I have to check with Danny about something I'm right here the times run out that's it isn't it pigs you better go on home Danny now I'll finish up here yeah finish up here but I ordered a tuna melt I'm I have a surprise for you something I want to show you I got you that new 7-iron I'll see you later later tonight are you ever gonna not shoo me away I counted we have 87 straws big 87 hmm does she know how should I know maybe she does maybe she doesn't good point look Vic site I told you we could stay here for a while at least until you're ready I'm ready now man hey he called me man are you sure you're doing the right thing no ain't this great you givin me advice I'm only trying to help when I need your help your little punk I'll whistle for you what's the matter with you sloughs mother all of a sudden everybody knows what's good for Bix even you we'll look at you you can't solve your own problems but you got mine all figured out I don't get it well who's asking you to third base askin for any of this look I don't need you Danny Boy and I don't need her don't say nothin to me I'm not gonna start now so get off my back will you go on get out of here we're out of French onion soup I think get out of here don't you look at me like that girl a doughnuts a guru dude bell kun said he'd give us a lift out of town the truck pulls out at 10:00 sharp that's great you'll be on it oh one last thing could you work for me Monday man Dada Dada Dada Dada did added data did it data tell me quick girl burnt that out out out out Ana did it incident Oh Tom that's fun of me challenge yeah you know she's so well trained she never leaves the yard does all her business in wonderful section I was beginning to think that you I had the funniest fitting it seems to me that you will add explaining I was just about Tina there's only a half a pound of them it's true then isn't it you're a Nazi you came to say goodbye well you made it easy see ya oh for their open road Stan I don't know what I want maybe you're it I just don't know please just yes or no are you living tonight are you leaving tonight should I come by our couch ok listen I'll be back but I will I need time I have to think I have to go through a visioning just a but you wouldn't let me come on kid I'll take you home oh all my life I never belong to nobody mm-hmm anybody had to live with it I even learned to like it oh nice for you try to understand Carrie I didn't want this I didn't want to get close it just happened I ain't sure if it's for me aren't sure she's gonna blow maybe I got to learn what it is to need someone you're standing on the ball of my foot Carrie you're so very so Danny tells me you killed your dad I gotta take Danny sitter home I'm going back to the enterprise Kari oh yeah that reminds me what can I get my last paycheck trying to make these buildings explode as I walked by but it's not working memories like the corners of my mind this is where I used to say I'd better take you home kid sad young girl from Lovers Lane my battalions moving out soon Gene Kelly I can't wait any longer I'm late now God Dan's got a dance something's bothering her this is where we used to eat dirt this man could win $5,000 hey uh if you're drunk it's okay shovel your walk oh oh it's summer that's right well see if she's out here maybe I could call her kid and take her home look a buffalo-head nickel okay have you seen my keys Carrie and do you have someone to cover your shift tomorrow my dad it has ruffles on it those ruffles have ridges hold on I'm still talking about my dress I love you all right Burbank is here no no I just arrived in this film I'll go find out no don't go look if you stay right here what your pants carry so forgive me for I have sinned and it's been three weeks since my last confession Carrie you were right guy does have to belong to somebody I belong to William Conrad oh sorry didn't know you were posing for a romance novel yep we drove onto a movie set let's get out of here I've got to go get the sheriff the cafe heiress has been killed she died and she was so very in my arms you've told me that and they're really packing in the new characters at the end of this movie no this is the night the lights went out in wherever they are for the night wait sub tumbu back in 63 this has been a peaceful town for 20 years yeah there's gonna be trouble can't you understand that please I'm brooding I loved it I never got a chance to tell her she has to order more frying medium she cried can you beat that a beautiful thing like her crying over a slob like me listen to me you're stuck here have you ever seen a lynch mob in a play once and what do you think that silence means out there that everyone's asleep listen when you kill in this town you get a stern lecture from the sheriff by morning that silence will be the loudest noise you've ever heard Oh what is it huh she tanked so easy like she'd done it before didn't take much all you had to do was murder her no I'm gonna be late for the James Drury convention to dress it it had ruffles on and ridges song he's wearing the yellow dress I didn't even notice until I tried it on we can and will hold us against your son oh it's weird alright now shows oh man I check that whole area dude couldn't find a thing he tell you anything I can't reach him they better put him in a Cell yeah I'm gonna go home and watch door Fontenoy you want the fan of sale tonight they never had to look and I don't envy you that job genuine mousers got him from the Kaiser in a long time since we've had to use them boys just really peaked about what do you say Mac hi Bill got a dance Jeff I'm checking this right front tire it feels kind of loped sure feeling mighty low well I guess sure was really buzzing with excitement Sherman Hemsley he's gonna do the Jefferson's live town that size what are you talking about here I got your head up your yeah my brother-in-law phoned a couple of hours ago and said some girl by the name of Anders was killed shot on Matlock carry Anders Jerry yeah did you know her she was my friend's girl well don't worry they got the punk who did it some stranger they oughta hang the phone Phil you gotta take me back now look you know I dollars I've got a roadie it's old American tire okay yeah it's okay well I do got a dance relax get you're on your way well Danny sure can charm the older set mm-hmm oh I'm just so beat from loading all them guns huh will you bring him out panty raid bring him out here now Joe don't do this keV you don't know that he killed Carrie but what you're doing is murder give me the keys listen to me oh you let's be Strunk again gonna bring him out here or do I have to go get him myself I lost my best waitress yeah come on should I drop my oh no what involved in this now if you can't afford a lawyer the court will appoint one for you okay click what you're doing I'm sorry I called you drunk a while back now I'm gonna beat you for beat you till you can't stand up turn you over to the other hey that sounds oh you gotta believe me I wouldn't they took turns a big stupid and there was three of them where's my daily platter got to leave a note for myself oh we got him whoa they're taking him way out of town we're doing a lemon now I got one of them bumper stickers that says if you don't like my driving well I wouldn't hurt her I love you you love that's great she tied you down that's what is that I heard you myself Oh Terry's dead really shines in a crisis beautiful little column right hey that guy's taking credit for my murder hey everybody's sitting here can I squeeze in here Thanks why why did you actually it's really more ironic than funny isn't it you're a truck looks like an English Bulldog yeah back off wormy are you doing oh good wood on that one let me through please let me through I'm a hobo yeah yeah you're fired look at him up you think they'll get him up hey I think I killed your daughter Oh looks like Jack's in an open stage Jesse now Jerome Oh Oh got to go get them pot stickers out of Walker trying to look at nobody I mean I'm looking at everybody isn't that the trail boss from wagon train that sequence is over let's get him he's at the 20 good open field tackle don't pass on me not yet no no don't pestle me now yeah didn't touch you I didn't touch her how bet you did Hey look what I found it's a Danny O'Day dummy you get over there and tell them what you did I didn't mean to kill her yeah nobody can say they coerced it out of him he was trying to scream I didn't mean to kill her well I didn't mean to kill her so much God up times well you had to be there Swan Dafoe Smallville alleles Moses supposes his toeses are roses Moses Moses roni asleep hey don't you why you're $20 in your new suit dun-dun-dun doesn't into them quick move his head he may have a spinal injury I am it just right there you gotta get some more women in this town hmm that's big how about a burger with all the trimmings the one you made a mistake hey somebody want to grab Jack [ __ ] good idea this came in a couple of days ago I didn't know we had a celebrity in town you're Scott Thorson there's the phone boy who can I hit you just once never got a chance to I was locked up in here he should sue him because even if it was just a hundred dollars but those days uh yeah he was wrong he'll pay for it Kerry's dead you almost were long distance please I'd like to make a collect call to mr. or mrs. John Winslow in Larchmont oh then he'll be back he'll be back dad it's great to hear your voice too off the freight met a guy he got beat up I got a beat up he met a girl swell dad you're gonna kill the fatted calf look it's too long to go into now but I'm bringing someone home with me a friend oh oh and he killed his dad so don't bring that up okay Oh Sidharth ax black gold Texas tea I love the rings they make when they hit the water hmm yeah well there you go have you ever been in love well I was but she died golly I'm stupid I'm dumber than an eight pound hammer I am dicks dicks no I'd like to see you in a yellow Mazda shuffles we're going home come to Daddy and so vicksanddan II left the clam fluff top and oh sorry one weird es moving see the further adventures of Dani and pics this fall on NBC Oh Tom and I have been horribly scarred by the way this movie ended and that means we're filled with rage you guys you know you can write a different ending if you want oh yeah it's just fiction I mean you don't have to accept the ending they hand you Wow okay um um oh just a minor change what would happen if the nice restaurant woman lived you think it even occurred to her and instead Jack Elam is on right and then big stupid and Danny get a grant and they renovate the cafe a real Chili's feel without all the Chili's crap you know a fun place for a birthday Joel free heads prize buckets you know hope T do tea houses Jack Elam is kidnapped by aliens mean alien sure menial II didn't big stupid in his little pal leave that town cuz they're driftwood and then the apocalypse happens dinosaurs roamed the land Tom they captured dinosaurs and they take them and they ride them like horses and we see the bond between man and lizard etc.etc rocks on it Ron aren't you getting a little bit away from the movie bear with me then there are pygmy oh yeah yeah yeah a vast pygmy king okay let's uh read a couple of letters here okay this one's from Steve banco of Uniontown Ohio without oh the pygmies have lain hidden throughout the eons and they are wise and they disdain you with your stinking machine yeah okay he just he says my sister thinks turbos so cute what is gypsies lastname and I got it them the pygmies are poison if you touch them so don't touch okay yeah might be a mistake right yeah sure we're the invention exchange you should have a garbage disposal trash can so that's what and they they can tell when you're thinking bad thoughts about them so don't even think about you see cuz of the fingers okay and this one is from Suzie Belt of Rochester New York she sent a picture put that up Oh Oh Oh then you fall in love with a pygmy yeah yeah yeah I loved it yeah and then she writes I like the time when you're saying master needs a theme song in the moral you see is never love a pygmy because they're immortal yeah and they can fly and you can't fly so you see your heart to natural yeah okay and then she writes I like you show so much I give it 100 plus 100 equals 200 since it oh yeah you see what happens is then the pygmies get a bus and they drive all the way to Hollywood Florida Florida yeah yeah they're coming from and this is from Rebecca of Appleton Wisconsin and she writes dear Joel jimpatog walk with him Peter lawyer with it we're in this film with them in Hollywood and then their head started exploding when they went across the desert and we're headed towards Florida pick up wait we gotta work and ahaha we come crawling timeouts for Big C I think I've been reitman that's a Pete Peter Lawford and Peter Lorre can be called Pete and repeat that because it's Joel is a little hard anyway I think Georgia get a timeout for once Lydia they head for the stars yeah and yeah then you learn some kind of lesson and then you go home now that's a better ending mhm now what do you think sirs hmm no Frank no more alternate ending oh wait hear me out on this now I envision big stupid as pure energy your energy yes fascinated right step this way plucky pure energy lucky Pierre your energy went apart lay down there and if you wouldn't hold this railroad spike on your skull sure now I envision a moment of truth how there could be lots of adventurous scene there's a moment of truth in front of all well I also see a role for Charles Durning in this there could be till next time ja then there could be another seat are you waiting for a bus

Channel: analogkid01

Views: 371,235

Keywords: MST3k

Id: GuIsLNpOKn0

Length: 92min 7sec (5527 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 16 2011