Monologue: Orange Tuesday | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

[Applause] you can stop clapping I have no money for you but I know why you're happy today I'll bat me the same reason people because the courts the courts of law we're real happens have fun finally confirm that a lot of us have been thinking for a long time I'm not crazy the president is an actual trees in his crook you've heard of Black Friday this week we had orange Tuesday they are rolling up the members of the Trump crime family man afford guilty Cohen pled guilty currently singing Allan Weissenberg chief financial officer for the Trump Organization singing we heard Don McGann the White House Counsel is singing even Trump's old friend who buried all his in the National Enquirer David pecker even pecker is not standing firm oh I love this David pecker guy apparently there is so much dirt on Donald Trump David pecker kept a safe they had a vault at the National Enquirer with all his in it that's how it took to keep all this and somebody figured out the combination to the safe it's the first four numbers of trumps wait these convictions this week this isn't even the main course which is Russia this was just the stormy Daniels appetizer look the campaign manager guilty the personal attorney guilty the deputy campaign manager guilty the National Security Adviser cabinet meetings are now are going to be held on a visiting day I say all of trumps lickspittle apologists on TV they're like oh now just being friends with Donald Trump makes you a criminal apparently apparently that is the case by the way one sign you might be a crook your lawyer is going to jail that's a little hint oh Michael Cohen Trump Boyd did is he turned on Michael Cohen Trump tweeted out if anyone is looking for a good lawyer I strongly suggest don't retain the services of the guy I picked as my lawyer for the last 12 years and then besides Manafort and cohen and flynn and gates all these people going to jail the two Republican Congressmen who were the first two to endorse Trump Chris Collins Duncan Hunter they're going to jail so many Republicans going to jail who's going to be left to lock up Hilary now if they lock up any more white Republicans the white NFL players are gonna start taking a knee so so now we are in the time where Trump has to start distracting speaking of white he's deeply concerned this week suddenly about the plight of Africans specifically the white ones I have asked Secretary of State Pompeo to study the situation in South Africa will form seizures and large-scale killing this is this idea that the foreign that the blacks in Africa are killing the white farmers a conspiracy theory propagated by white supremists and when I say white supremacists I mean Fox News this is something this is something he saw on Tucker Carlson and and by the way I always go by the rule if you want to know what's going on in Africa ask a guy named Tucker I swear to God trapeze like a drug dog for white victimization he can smell it out anywhere if Trump traveled to the deepest reaches of space he would say why aren't there any white holes so so that's distraction number one distraction number two was always you know the hostage situation he said in an interview today if they tried to impeach him the stock market would crash and everybody would be poor yes just what every stupid boyfriend says you know if you break up with me you're gonna regret it you're probably right Donald we're making a huge mistake we're gonna regret it for the rest of our life heart emoji crying emoji delete contact info on the distraction front when all else fails to go to the bottom of excuses go to town on Jeff Sessions right every unfair thing that ever happened to Donald Trump is because Jeff Sessions would not recuse himself but Jeff Sessions fired back finally he yes he said while I am attorney general just justice will not be improbably influenced by political considerations finally finally answering the old-age question do elves have balls

Channel: Real Time with Bill Maher

Views: 1,304,627

Keywords: John Brennan, CIA Director, President Obama, Distinguished Scholar, Fordham University, U.T. Austin, security clearance, President Trump, David Corn, Mother Jones, Russian Roulette, The Inside Story of Putin's War on America and the Election of Donald Trump, Saru Jayaraman, Restaurant Opportunities Center United, Forked, A New Standard for American Dining, Rick Wilson, GOP Strategist, Everything Trump Touches Dies, Kara Swisher, Recode, New York Times, Elon Musk

Id: KtHai64Rlpk

Length: 6min 27sec (387 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 25 2018