Mondays with Mother? "Old Blue"

America Hi how are you happy Monday I just got an email from my mother mhm an email from Mom uh and I printed it out and I and I have to read it to you because it kills me it starts Michael it's your mother you seem very busy here of late writing stories and sharing them with your little friends on Facebook maybe that's why I've heard nothing from you after leaving several messages over the weekend if you'd prefer we communicate publicly I'm happy to do so through a series of short stories perhaps posted on our respective Facebook pages that would be fun unfortunately I have no idea how to post a video but if I did I'd read you this account of my adventure over the weekend it needs a title and I'm stuck between old blue and Walmart people I'll let you decide it's not passive aggressive at all right uh and then she and then she tells me the story in the form of a letter to me and I'm going to read it to you dear Mike you know that I'm a responsible person right not once that I forget to pick you up or your brothers after ball practice or Boy Scouts not once did I leave your elderly grandparents stranded at the mall or forget to give them their medication not once have I ever run out of the house and left the stove on or forgotten to turn off the iron or locked my keys in the car and yet somehow I managed to leave my big blue purse dangling from the handle of a shopping cart in the Walmart parking lot on Saturday and frankly I'm not sure I'll ever be the same I realized it was gone when I pulled into our parking spot at the condo yesterday and reached over into the passenger seat nothing there are only so many places a big blue purse can hide in a Scion xB and I checked them all I also lifted the floor mats and opened the tiny glove compartment had there been an ashtray I Pro probably would have looked there too I don't think I've felt this degree of Anguish since that day in Kansas City listening to you speak to a few 100 cancer survivors suddenly out of the blue you said to the crowd and now my mother Peggy row would like to say a few words I had considered passing out to teach you a lesson but by the time I reached the podium I had resumed breathing and the nausea had passed mostly anyway I was sick with panic but thankfully your father had just returned from his meal on Wheels obligations and was there with his soothing brand of logic and unfl flappable calm John I said I lost my big blue purse at Walmart what you tossed your figs in a hearse that won't start I handed him his hearing aids and repeated oh no he said this is terrible where did you last have it when did you last see it what exactly was in it a dozen questions later Perry Mason whipped out his flip phone and be began cancelling credit cards as I wept on a landline with a Walmart customer service representative there were no purses in Lost and Found but security promised to look around and call me back 10 minutes later they did no purses to be found big blue or otherwise Meanwhile your father had begun a written inventory of missing items a $400 smartphone my new prescription glasses my favorite timx watch now with a brand new Walmart battery driver's license medical cards gift cards cash when suddenly he threw down his pen and jumped up come on Peg we're going back to that parking lot maybe somebody just took the cash and threw everything else away Crooks do that you know do they John do crooks linger in the Walmart parking lot inspecting the contents of stolen purses deciding what to keep and what to discard at a civilized and leisurely Pace your father immune to sarcasm was already out the door and halfway down the stairs hellbent on retrieving what was rightfully ours you can't go out dressed like that I called after him but of course he could and he did and 15 minutes later after a White Knuckle ride through 5 miles of rush hour traffic we were parked in the same spot I had vacated an hour earlier dad jumped from the car and ran to the Corral where he conducted a quick but fruitless inspection of every cart then he proceeded to a nearby trash can removed the lid and peered inside dressed in his dirty job's t-shirt and a pair of Bermuda shorts from 1979 he appeared ready to scr for his next meal but food was the last thing on your father's mind as he cranked his hearing aids to the stethoscope setting pulled out his flip phone pressed a few buttons and plunged his head into the Garen G can call me snoody Mike but it's hard to stand by while your husband dumpster Dives at the local Walmart I'm going back inside to check with security I yelled above the den of passing cars don't be surprised if people stop and offer you change but he didn't hear me as I crossed the vast black top toward the sprawling Super Center I passed a number of Walmart shoppers heading for their cars which of these fine citizens I wondered might have stumbled across my big blue purse and returned to lost and found the pale girl dressed in black with the metal dog collar around her neck the shirtless gentleman with a leather vest and a mohawk maybe the young couple with matching nose rings and tattoos on their foreheads my shoulders were SL lumped as I reached the store before entering I glanced back to monitor your father's progress he had made it halfway across the parking lot one can at a time tap tap tapping his little flip phone and cocking his head to the side like an Irish Setter listening for signs of life in the garbage no luck obviously but on the positive side I could see he was in fact far from underdressed inside I located the lost and found which consisted of an assortment of mismatched mittens scarves baby bottles and pacifiers but no purses excuse me I said is there a manager I can speak with try register 20 the harried worker said with a shrug sometimes the manager hangs out there there was no manager at register 20 but as I spoke with the cashier I heard in the near distance a familiar sound the classic ring of an ancient telephone unrecognizable to anyone born in this Century my custom ringtone heart racing I followed the sound to a shelf off to the side of the register and there surrounded by a mish mash of odds and ends was my big blue purse peering out at me like ET from a cluttered closet shelf I pounced on it I kissed it I took out my phone which was still ringing John I said projecting my voice as I usually do when speaking to your father guess what geez stop shouting he said I know you found it come out front I want you to meet somebody I left the store clutching my purse to My Heart by that time I had affectionately named it old blue a woman sitting behind the wheel of a car was laughing with Dad or possibly at him hey Peg this this lady found your purse and took it to security I thought you might want to thank her her name was Beverly and she had been intrigued by the sight of an elderly man in the parking lot running from trash can to trash can dialing his cell phone then sticking his head inside the receptacle instead of calling 911 to report a silver alert or taking his picture to submit to real people of Walmart Beverly had called out to him from her car are you looking for something sir yes I'm looking for a big blue purse ah I turned it in an hour ago I found it hanging from the handle of a shopping cart right over there I wanted to kiss the woman but some people are funny about being kissed by strangers so I told her how foolish I felt and how careless I had been oh that's nothing said Beverly one day I came home from shopping open my trunk and it was empty I left all my groceries in the card at the store we all had a good laugh and when your father offered her a gift she said no no I won't take a thing just seeing the look on your faces is reward enough anyway Mike I'm not sure there's a moral to this story beyond the fact that you never know who you're going to meet down at the Walmart your father might have a different interpretation but I'll let you ask him about that this evening when you call us after dinner in the meantime if you share this story with your little friends on Facebook don't mention Beverly's last name i' ate to embarrass her in fact don't mention mine either or our phone number which I've attached for your convenience talk soon mom P.S what kind of person forgets to put their groceries in the trunk I mean really oh crap I'm sorry that kills me um I'd love to chat but I have to make a phone call

Channel: Mike Rowe

Views: 239,459

Keywords: Mike Rowe, Peggy Rowe, Walmart

Id: 5PhJZd3hxFw

Length: 10min 12sec (612 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 14 2016