Mingling of Souls - session 2

[Music] we'll pick it up I don't know where I want to pick this up because there's tons of it let's pick it up in 13 so they start going out one of the things you're going to see over and over again with Solomon both in Ecclesiastes and this book is there's this premium put on his couch don't think couch like we would think couch this is basically dinner all right and and so one of the things you're seeing right away right out of gate in this book is when they date when they go out on dates they're in a public place they're at it scouser in the dining hall they would have been out in the open and I think there's something to that I don't think I'm reading too much into it I guess what I'm trying to say is the movie at your apartment that starts out at midnight ends at 3:00 a.m. on the couch might not be the wisest decision just me just me might be better to be out in the public eye all right but look at what begins to happen because there's some pretty profound things here in regards to the cultivation of their relationship look at this my beloved is to me a sachet immerse that lies between my breasts all right here's basically what she's saying that when I am around him the whole world smells better all right when I am around him everything is better and let's keep going down this this my beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms in the vineyard of Indy behold you are beautiful my love behold you are beautiful now this watch this line this line is everywhere your eyes our doves now this is significant all right this is not so much a reference about the color or shape of her eyes but rather her personhood and you're going to see this line over and over and over again in here how much he loves her eyes how this eyes of Dove line it's going to be in this text we're going to mention it a lot in our time together and what he's saying here is there something about you not your shape not just your form not your breasts not your face not your hair not your legs not how well you do conversation there's something about you that's beautiful now what's what happens here 16 behold you are beautiful my beloved truly delightful our couch is green it's young alright the beams of our house are cedar our rafters are pine now too is a massive shift look at this listen what she says I am a Rose of Sharon a lily of the valleys now what has happened to this girl less than a chapter ago she's like don't look upon me I am NOT attractive there are certain things about my body that aren't right because of this thing I've had historically I had to work in the vineyard to jack up my hand it's made my skin not attractive to look at please don't stare at me less than a chapter later of his god you have a beautiful soul what's she gone I am a rose no I am the lily of the valley right what's happened here she's starting to feel safe with him isn't she she's starting to feel safe and and we'll find out as this book goes on this idea is profound so there's this friendship that's kind of cultivating like they're getting to know one another and the reason I know that is you can't say there's something about your soul there's something about your personhood that is beautiful after one day because you saw her one night at dinner I mean you can say that trash word ain't true game it's not true so they've spent enough time together that he's going you are beautiful not your physical body is beautiful you are person that you are beautiful and she's beginning to respond to this so this relationship starting to grow all right it's starting starting to grow there's this cultivation now look at the restraint look at the restraint we'll pick it up in verse four he brought me to the banqueting house and his banner over me was love I said of this I love this first sustained me with raisins refresh me with apples for I am sick with love his left hand is under my head his right hand embraces me i adjure you Oh daughters of Jerusalem by the gazelles or the dose of the field that you not stir up or awaken love until until it pleases now let's tell you what's happened here basically they went to dinner they're cuddling on the couch at dinner eating one hands behind her head the other ones probably on her hip they're talking her Souls beautiful she feels safe she feels like the lily of the valley and then it's evident that it's getting a little too close so they both break she busts into her apartment and just starts eating like dear lord I mean she basically gets the eye screaming like that man is I cannot be around him all right I cannot I know what's right I know what's good I cannot be around that man all right for whatever reason all the powers of don't touch me disappear when I am around this man she's eaten raisin cake Apple she did whatever she can get her hands on all right she's got that weird thing happening to her where she's now let me point something out nothing wrong with this this is another heir that the evangelicals make this is a drive and desired given to you by God it must be submitted to God like we just saw happen here don't awaken this until it's time but the desire has been given to us like I can tell you a 20 year old dude come through my office conscious and pray and God will take that away from me really you want them to take that away from you you want to walk indifferent through through college you want to select don't care I mean do you that's what you want you don't want ho ho you should want that now what you've got to do is what we called the three one one the joke 31 one I'll make a covenant with my eyes not to look upon a woman lustfully which basically means I won't look at her like she's not a human being like she doesn't have a soul but instead it's okay to go that's attractive yeah it is it was wired in there wired in there but you got to have the three one one you got to have the three one one with it now this attraction that led to a couple of days is now going to it's going to lead to dating exclusively I've got to hurry up it's going to start it's going to lead to dating consistently now let me throw a couple of things at you in terms of dating consistently or what some place is called courtship but this is when it's just I mean this is serious dating there's nobody else involved there's nobody else let me just give you a few words of warning on this if you still lack the ability to judge character I think you need to be really really careful here I don't know that you should move from kind of just regularly dating a little bit to moving on to just exclusively dating if you if you've proven over and over again you continually choose the wrong kind of guys the wrong kind of girls I think you need to be careful I think you I think you should tap the brakes if in your casual dating you've run out of stuff to say if you're sitting at a restaurant on date three so that was work work was good 9:00 to the game this weekend huge up Dallas's this big game to me like if you're if you're seeing someone who they don't have the conversational ability to ask about you and you don't have the ability to engage in any real communication I just think you'd be really you'd be really really careful about making that more serious right you might disagree with me but it sounds like math I mean simple math you'd have a really hard time going to plus two is five I swear it's five no it's not it's four if you can't talk on date three all right all right now two things that start happening I want you to watch this two things start happening when they start exclusively dating exclusively seeing one another it's sealed off and I've seen anybody else they're not dating anyone else two things start happening that are really really profound the first ones in 2-8 look at this here comes the voice of my beloved behold here he comes listen to this leaping over mountains bounding over the hills hahaha come on and he ain't leaving over no mountains here's what's happening alright there's this unbelievable excitement in this relationship it's gone exclusive you're doing things that are madness when I when I met Lauren we start first started dating she were hand-me-down and I started dating her I was in long I was in Abilene Texas God was angry at me I don't explain that but I was out there for a long time and and she lived in Longview at the time now that is if you drive legally about five and a half hours away from each other and at that time I was working at a church in Abilene I was in school full-time taking three to six hours and full-time for me and I was traveling and speaking and so what what what in it what would happen almost every given weekend is I would finish speaking on a Friday night somewhere in Texas at around like 11:00 when you do use stuff specifically in the fall you do I mean back in my day it was like they would do these fifth quarters so like after the high school football game that all go back to the church and then I would teach I preached a little deal and then I'd I'd get in my car like 1:00 in the morning and drive to Longview and and I'd get to Lauren's parents house and and and fall asleep and wake up and have breakfast with Lauren and spin through lunch with her and then I get back in my car and I'd go back to Abilene because I had to be at church on Sunday morning and I did this for a year and I never felt crazy to me never now looking back on it I was like that girl had some voodoo on me or something I I mean I am I mean I'm in the car 14 15 16 hours of a 48 hour period for four or five hours with her alright that's what just how many are you like here comes my beloved leaping over the mountains there's an excitement here there is a this just might be it right I mean I don't know where you're from are no your background I was always the guy that says is there really a woman he'll get to know me and say I'll spend the rest of my life with you I can do this for I can do this first 60 years I mean to me I just had my doubts whether or not that woman really existed and so all of a sudden that's there and all of a sudden there's this could this be it is this if are we growing old you start having some of those conversations marriage conversation anyway there's this real excitement that comes when you seal it up there should be there should be now we're all different temper mentally we're all different temperamentally we all experience excitement differently we all but but that's what you got happening here there's this real joy and there's a real sense of excitement that's occurring in this relationship and then look at this we'll read a big chunk I want you to see this because the other thing that starts happening is growth real growth into one another and vitality now I'm going to try to explain this it's not as pretty as it sounds my beloved speaks and says to me arise my love my beautiful one and come away for behold the winter is past the rain is over and gone and the flowers have appeared on earth and the time of singing has come and the voice of the Turtledove is heard in our land the fig tree ripens its figs and the vines are in blossom they give forth fragrance arise my love my beautiful one and come away right so watch this they're starting to grow in intimacy because what they're saying to each other right here is okay you've got your issues in your family come away with me her son you've got issues in your family come away with me all right and and there's always this idea among people who come from broken backgrounds which by the way is all of us alright some of it's just more subtle than others but there's this idea early on that we can do it right huh in there yeah so true dude horrible fourteen look at this oh my dove in the clefts of the rock and the crannies of the cliff let me see your face let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is lovely something's happened as they've started to grow in this intimacy that's cause one of them to hide some kind of information has come out some kind something in the past has come up some something broke this idea of euphoria so I'm guessing at this time they've been dating about two weeks all right that's usually when it pops its head up are I two weeks to a month BAM there it is and you've had this issue that's come up and one of them tried to hide one was tried to run one of them tried to hide now look at what comes next because this is I think this is such a big piece look at 15 catch the Foxes for us all right so there's some profound going on here because the two of them are crying out to a third party not in the picture right she didn't say catch the Foxes for me he didn't say catch the Foxes for me they just said catch the Foxes for us look at what happens catch the Foxes for us the little foxes that spoil the vineyards for our vineyards are in blossom what I mean by vitality in a closed dating relationship courtship you and me no one else is all of sudden these issues start coming to the surface and instead of ignoring them and trying to pretend like they're not there you start working through and fighting through issues at this level this is where it starts and I'm always worried about people who don't think there are issues at the engaged level if you ever met them like I always tell people at the village marriage is difficult and I've got about 2,000 engaged couples out there looking at each other going not us baby not us it will not be that way for us I'm just like uh when do I get to be 40 when does the church get to be 40 get us there quickly because it's so much better there it's just as big of a mess there it's just it's even the same there right nevermind so that they've got they've got this prayer now they've got this thing they're working through we've got issue you've got little Fox you've got these little things in your life that are eating away at this eating away at our ability to walk in intimacy eating away at our ability to communicate eating away at our ability to trust God they're both doing it they both have these issues and they're saying help us please take care of these foxes that are going to destroy the vine please right now you've got a deepening of the relationship occurring don't you weaknesses are being spotted nobody's running away they're starting to prayerfully work through deep heart-like issues this is what I mean by vitality where you start to deal with those issues together vitality depth life begins to deepen here's the way most people play it though they pretend those issues aren't there and they medicate what are they medicate with making out so they just get more and more physical more and more physical more and more physical more and more physical to where if they're ever alone there's no longer hardly any conversation at all any real issues at all anything being discussed they walk in the door they start a movie they watched 15 percent of that movie and then they're making out for three hours and then they head home alright if they head home and then because they medicated it they can't even recognize hey we don't know how to get intimate we don't even know how to get to know each other we got to about a second-grade understanding of one another and we don't know how to get through so what we're doing is pretending to be adults while not being able to get there it is absolutely devastating absolute devastating yeah and that's what's happened here they've realized hey we've got issues we need to work through we've got issues we need to work through before we need to turn on that little physical button let's let's let's pull in the reins here and let's make sure we're all right let's make sure I love your soul let's make sure you know me let's make sure that's in place lest we use each other and hurt one another and then I love I love this little last part my beloved is mine and I am his he grazes among the lilies here's here's what's happened specifically on her part there is a deepening of trust for this man because as the issues came up he didn't run but he said let's deal with him he didn't medicate it he didn't make the move on her when she felt weak and vulnerable and all that he calmed it down they started working through the issues and now look at her response oh thank you for this man now I want to point out one more thing and then we're gonna going to chat some look at verse 5 of chapter 3 we're almost done for this session expect I'm about 4 or 5 minutes over now but I've got to face mic they can't stop me let's go I adjure you O daughters of Jerusalem by the gazelles or the doze of the field now that sounds very familiar doesn't it and we've heard this before that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases twice now twice now is this relationship has grown to another level this young lady pleads with us to not let this thing get overly physical I mean she's pleading with you tonight don't let it get too physical now let me try to explain why when you remove the relational element of sex when you remove all right being known by and knowing someone you remove that and it goes just physical what you've done is absolutely destroyed any hope you have of sex and being physical being able to create and drive home genuine legit intimacy it is a weird pill you can take that makes you feel intimate with one another but let me point out what I'm talking about in our overly promiscuous society have you ever wondered when you're in the grocery store that every magazine on that rack as you're checking out has an article on sex and that article on sex always has to do a technique huh nine ways to be a better lover seven spots she wishes you would touch am i lyin I mean if I'm lying you can get mad if I'm not lying you can't get mad well you can but you can't alright so in my life I mean every magazine every one of them I mean all of them like a Washington Post eight ways to turn her on you like the post now I'm opposed all right why is this why is this okay if you're having a lot of sex with different women different men and it's not fulfilling it doesn't bring any kind of lasting joy doesn't bring any kind of lasting fulfillment then the only hope I have of intimacy and connection and sex being what I've got in my mind it should be is to better my technique at it and maybe if I'd become a better lover then this aching of my soul will go away maybe if I become a better lover then maybe I'll be satisfied maybe if I become a better lover and and listen that's why I mean I tell our guys all the time that's why porn is unbelievably devastating because it removes the ability to the intimate it makes the thing purely physical and when it becomes purely physical why because God designed it to be more than that alright he designed it to be more than we're going to find this out in the next chapter we're gonna take a quick break here in a second we're gonna come back and look at what happens when the relationships when you're making love to a soul and not a physical body there's this unbelievably powerful fulfilling beautiful thing that occurs when you're just having sex with a body there's always an emptiness that follows very frustrating you get angry with yourself you get proud you get it's this really weird animal that happens and so what you've got on a whole is our society trying to get better at sex because they're having plenty of sex but it's bringing no fulfillment so we've got and I can't remember the last magazine I had secular magazine that didn't have that little ad in the back that told me I could get how to be a better lover videos I can't remember the last time I walked through that thing where there was an article on how to be a better lover our societies consumed with it despite the fact that we're having plenty of sex now it's like I mean this is crazy found here it's almost like and I know this is absurd it's almost like there was a Creator God who designed this to bring joy and happiness and then if you don't do it his way it goes really really bad it seems like there might be this God who might be for our good it might be that there's a God in heaven who's not this cosmic killjoy trying to destroy us ah what I know though let's pray father I thank you for just our first little 4050 minutes together and I'm no fool I know there are plenty of men and women in here probably struggle with pornography who have historically struggled with getting physical way too quick who have dated before they knew what they even wanted or what he even thought through what they should and thank you for great so thank you for forgiveness I thank you for the cross I think you for new beginnings and thank you for those things it's why we worship not that you made us better people but while we were our worst you loved us and so I praise it for the rest of our time together tonight you really speak to the geek period or first I pray that where there are little foxes that we get help thank you for attraction baiting kissing dinner good one great food what beautiful clothes aren't you and help us out we move from traction dating model pieces there into into the wedding day the wedding love beautiful lemon [Music] you

Channel: John416

Views: 17,054

Rating: 4.847826 out of 5

Keywords: matt chandler, mingling of souls, session 2

Id: E0Mn79jUHtw

Length: 24min 31sec (1471 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 01 2017