Millennials, What Are Some Middle Aged Things You Are Doing?

millennials what was the most middle-aged thing you caught yourself saying recently 1. i dislike bar and grill places they are far too loud too i like to plan my errands starting with the furthest place so everything else is on the way home what three i have a preferred tax preparer four i have a preferred mechanic five i have more than one measuring tape one for upstairs and one for downstairs and i complain when my family doesn't put them back where they belong 6. i feel a strong urge to feed younger adults and make sure they are doing okay wife has assured me that i have mama bear energy and requested that i stop adopting every young adult that looks slightly stressed i was eating lunch with a co-worker last week and she was bitching about the weird clothes her parents wore in high school jinkus wallet shane's like four featuring long some other stuff but as i'm listening to her i realize that she's describing my high school experience so i ask her how old are your parents ugh they're 40 i'm 37 turning 38 in two weeks after i told her that we both got really quiet and changed the subject someone please help me i'm not ready for this no longer being the youngest at work it's a bee my housemate you want a drink me nah man i haven't had a drink in six months maybe more my housemate you stopped drinking me i'm not sober or anything it's just that alcohol makes me sleepy i had my bachelor party in vegas recently i went to bed because i was tired not because i was sloppy drunk like every other time i went to vegas fmli mold now i saw a few teenagers out in short skirts and light tops and i turned to my partner and said jesus are they not freezing with not a coat between them i am old oh no thank you i can't have caffeine this late in the day or i'll never get to sleep tonight my spouse was offering me the last soda from the fridge it was 1pm plus one on this for me now the timing doesn't even matter if i have more than two cups i'm up all night i could finish them by 10 a.m and it still happens i'm 33 not quite middle-aged but circumstances last year forced me to live on the campus of the local university i was attending to finish my bachelor's i got to know a few of my neighbors who were all in their late teens early 20s and one day while i was just lounging by myself i put on system of a dance toxicity for some nostalgia it didn't hit me until after chop suey was done that most of the people on campus were younger than that album boof oh no i was very excited to buy that cd when it came out with the physical paper gift certificate i received for my birthday that year good lord this is worse than convincing my young cousin that yes i really did own a flip phone until i was halfway through college i'm technically a millennial but i straddle that gen x boundary after recently installing a replacement security camera i saw in the saved footage some kids repeatedly riding their bikes and or playing in my driveway occasionally hitting the shrubs that line the driveway and scattering gravel compost around i found myself ranting to my wife wanting to know why these kids were constantly in my driveway and wanting to know why their parents were not doing a better job of watching teaching disciplining them then i froze and realized i'd become that guy that old guy it has sparked an existential crisis god dang little shoots i was venting to a co-worker about these noisy bastards living next to me i actually said the words goddamn teenagers and their bluetooth machines i stand by my admonition but man it was my greatest age leap forward since i embraced the sensible toyota i'm only 24 and i also can't freaking stand noisy neighbors i get it we all listen to music but using a speaker system with subwoofers and turning the base way up so your apartment turns into a mini dance club while you share walls or ceilings with other people is just douchey i don't want my floor to vibrate not something i said but i just stood out on my porch this morning drinking my coffee and someone drove by pretty fast and i thought that way too fast i'm waiting for a good opportunity to get the license plate of a huge truck that keeps going like 50 miles per hour through my apartment complex day and night i don't care if it makes me old kids and animals live here in that truck could kill someone but when my wife asked if there was anything she need to pick up at the store and i responded i think we're out of asparagus not sure what foul demon possessed me to to say those words age is giving into buying asparagus wisdom is learning how to cook it so you want to buy it i'm so pleased with what a bargain this fleece was a i now own fleeces b i really was very pleased see it's a cotton traders and i got it for two pounds from a charity shop i met up with a couple of friends a few days ago and because there aren't any indoor venues open to the public right now and it was nice weather we went to a park and sat down on the grass after about 30 minutes we were all discussing various problems we have with our backs we're in our early 30s i had a classmate who was probably just old enough to drink ask me if i knew what a meme was i almost died i'm 30 not dead i'm 50 and had a 30-something ask me the same thing i told him back in my day we used to print them out and fax them to each other i was giving my sister-in-law a bag of skirts that i am too old to wear now and i reminded her to wear them with some nice and cozy stockings as the weather is still bad those skirts are very short and we certainly do not want her to catch a cold that's so sweet oh babe check out these new balances you know which ones i'm talking about the all white with the navy blue and that you find at marshalls or at roswell like 25 bucks that's all suburban dads put on when they're doing yard work i bought them last friday did yard work on saturday morning while wearing them which paired nicely with my khaki cargo shorts and tucked in the moisture-wicking polo shirt and a white baseball cap it didn't dawn on me that time that suburban dad with the new balances until i saw my reflection in the minivan window then i stood outside in front with a beer can in my yeti koozie while admiring the clearing where weeds once stood making dad noises like yep or mmmhmm and that's going to need a coat of paint i've become that guy you heard me cracking up with the new balance plus khaki cargo combo keep your kids toys off my lawn to be fair though my landlord sort of forced me into that situation by telling all the tenants that if there was anything found on the lawns when the guys came to mo we'd get fined their kids throw their toys everywhere on the block and i got fined fifty dollars for some toy their son threw on my lawn i think enough people got fined and complained to the landlord that the toys weren't theirs though that family is the only one with kids that are constantly running around outside and the fine got dropped sounds like free toy hostages for fifty dollars to me working at a high school i referred to virtual learning as groundhog day and got blank stares i wasn't surprised they hadn't seen the movie but definitely didn't realize they didn't even understand the phrase and what it meant it was in my head but i was taking a walk at night and decided to go around a park as a poster through it because there sure are a lot of youths in there tonight like being 12 and quietly yelling teenagers are coming to your friends and running to the backyard lived very close to my future high school my roommate brought home a guy and slept with him who is both well past the legal age but still younger than my pet snake young guy oh wow your snake is cool what's his name me his name is mike wait how old are you yg i'm 24 why me his name is michael to you thanks for the chuckle i remember when i was about 26 i was talking to a guy about myspace and he said that was a bit before my time tbh i almost died on the spot i used to work at a restaurant with quite a few teens on staff and never really felt like there was much of an age difference until hullaback girl came on the radio one day and i got excited because i loved that song in junior hi then i realized they were in kindergarten when it came out i tried listening to the itunes top 100 yesterday for a change of pace and it all sounded like hot garbage what are kids even listening to these days talking about my stock versus bonds allocation and whether it's appropriately aggressive and whether i should be contributing more to my retirement account yup my friends and i used to talk about video games all day every day now our group messages are filled with stock and crypto speculation and what kind of covered vaccine we got but we still talk about games sometimes though i thought it didn't say it but planning a future trip to an amusement park after not having been for 15 pluses and wondering am i going to blackout if i do this now can my heart handle this am i going to mess my neck up and not be able to turn my head for a week is this safe for my fiance who is 10 years older than me i bought a really nice vacuum cleaner and i told three friends about it they were very interested one of them asked me where and went and bought one two we bought a new vacuum this weekend and i was embarrassed by how earnestly excited i was to try it out i'm a tail end gensler so actually middle aged but over the last three or four years i have procured no less than three pairs of new balance 574s and several moisture-wicking polo shirts developed a bird witching hobby admired the lushness of my lawn multiple times especially in comparison with my neighbors being essentially immobiles for a week after going to a punk rock show pre-covered and dancing like i did in my 20s discovered the joys of intentionally misusing zuma slang in front of my daughter and her friends that last one is the best my kids are pre-teens and i love using their slang wrong on purpose that was a lit game fam one could even say was yeet then badly copy the orange justice dance and watch the horror unfold on their faces i'm only 25 but i did spend five minutes talking about my car's fuel economy the other day so i might as well put on my new balances and start mowing lawns for fun kids were running and jumping onto couch i told them to stop or they would be grounded from the couch and have to sit on the ground in the living room then instantly had a flashback to being grounded from the couch when i was a kid for jumping on it by my dad i had become my dad i just worked a prom last weekend these kids are so well behaved and polite seriously it was kind of shocking i was anticipating maybe even hoping for some shenanigans and hijinks almost daily did i remember to take my blood pressure pill these dang kids no longer push their chairs under the table when they get up it feels like an entire generation wasn't taught this basic courtesy lol and they were all saying that about us it's probably just a maturity and kids will grow out of it i have recently started to admire the colors and textures of wool yarns and started to knit wool socks and mittens for fun never would have thought i would start to enjoy that i don't really like to get plastered at parties anymore it's just not worth feeling like crap for the next three days i'm only 25 guys wtf the day you turn 25 is the day it starts for me and most people i know it was literally overnight la mayo where tf sells this particular type of cheese i tried four supermarkets it's made in my country i don't understand why no one sells this cheese whenever i cook anything on the grill i double squeeze the metal tongs upon picking them up just like my dad would do i can't use the metal tongs until i hear the sound of the metal ends clanking together go to check if they work iwss wondering why people would make fun of someone having a flip phone then i remembered i'm 32. flip phones were cool when i was a kid not something i said but something i did i'm 32 and went on a date friday night and got hot and heavy in the back seat of my car which i did plenty of in my 20s but then saturday and sunday my back was so sore from the weird positioning that i basically had a heating pad on my back all day my date is 25 and i don't have the heart to tell him i have the body of an old lady i'm just hoping it will be better when we can move things inside xd when is this housing bubble going to pop i want to refinance but don't wonder if the interest rates are going to drop right after no coffee for me thanks if i drink coffee after 3 p.m i have trouble sleeping and i'm tired going to bed 10 p.m on a saturday night honey there's the prettiest little bird on the feeder i took a picture then i posted it on facebook time to shop for coffins i now regularly spend three four hours when i grocery shop because i go to three four different stores and buy what is on sale at each one he plot out my whole trip the day before with lists and coupons lol i was also super excited to treat myself a few weeks ago to a new washer machine and i can sing along to every song on their loudspeaker yikes i was at a restaurant with the digital menus and online ordering and it wasn't working 100 perfectly so i asked for a paper menu i have a degree in computer science and i would do the same i'm not eating out to use a wonky website app if needs be i'll take the paper menu that's not on you that's the restaurant i'm talking to my plants in the office like are you thirsty sweetie i'll look at you a new leaf oh you need more light wow you have had way too much to drink young lady i also say this in an old woman voice when i do so yeah i bought a pair of sunglasses from the dollar store and now and anyone tells me they like my sunglasses i say with pride i got them at the dollar store can you believe it saw a walkman at a store last week bought it and then dug up some hip hop cassettes i've had since uni life is good again red wine is a bad idea tonight since we have to work tomorrow nah wish i could but i need to get home and let the dogs out basically use my pets to get out of doing anything remotely uninteresting i work from home so i have a bird feeder set up right outside my window so i can gaze lovingly at the pretty birds all day but then there's this one squirrel who keeps climbing it and eating the seed it's safflower you don't even like it so i run to the door take off my inside slippers put on my outside slippers and run out into the yard yelling get the heck out of here dang squirrel i'll murder you and finally understand why my grammar used to shoot them with bb guns i feel this 100 and then found out the trick is to grease the pole of the bird feeder with vaseline every once in a while squirrel will slide right on down and your birds can feast if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 4,936

Keywords: millenials, middle aged, middle age crazy, middle aged runaway, millennials getting old, getting old, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit stories 2021

Id: cX05J8uyDXs

Length: 16min 48sec (1008 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 30 2021