Micky Flanagan's Full Show Appearance | Live At The Apollo

please give it up for the comedy talents that are mickey flanagan [Applause] very nice to be here so i'm from the east end of london let's choose the facilities this is the cockney walk this is your casual cockney walk this this is your standard cockney walk not a lot going on just having a little bit of a walk about there you go walk about a little look about which is your casual cockney walk then you've got your busy cockney walk obviously i'm double busy can't hang about i've got a sign on to get back to work i can't hang about left school with a bottle opener made in the third year it wasn't a rubbish one it was good because the two biggest departments in our school woodwork and metalwork so i made the metal bit in the metal work department i went into departmental went across the corridor i said to the woodwork teacher do you mind if i put wooden handle on my butt like mister he said you're a natural son things are gonna work out for you we made ashtrays in the second year bottle openers in the third year [Applause] crams in the fourth year [Applause] but my big thing in the eight is chasing women back in the eighties i was an international lover and player i've made love to women as far afield as cardiff cornwall i got a girl to wank me off on the isle of wight it's a day trip it was easy to get sex in the 80s you had to really work for it back then women didn't want to part up too quickly to go to work if you met a girl you were taking her out you're on saturday night boss here we go splash a pack of a man get your jeans out the cleaners nice crease on them there you go and you took her out for the evening you treated her you took her out for a steak diane hugh chinzano the biancos and if she wanted a prong cocktail she got a prawn cup women went mental for the prawn cocktail in the 80s you see her little face light up you've sat her down and you presented her with prawns lettuce in a wine glass drizzled with the dressing from affairs thousand islands not salad cream tonight princess tonight you're special you're gonna get a dressing that's been gathered from a thousand islands you brought to this steakhouse in bethnal green now you want the vagina this hasn't changed men have chased the vagina since time began the vagina has changed as we know it was still a bit hairy beast back in the 80s big hairy militant marxist feminist vagina he was angry the vagina in the 80s had a terrible attitude i mean the knickers weren't small and it was still busting out the side big angry vagina he started rolling these marks his knickers down and it would come out are you looking at but you want the vagina so i got myself a place kitted it out for love bed sitter quality bed sitter not cancel and i went and got all the latest gear i spent about 700 quid right let's go take her back sit her down on the futon she's off in bed already up there for thinking go over to my stereo stacker system i've got a stereo stacker that's an awawa with a built-in graphic equalizer that does nothing i slip into the cassette deck now that's what i call music now i know luther vandross will be on in a minute when luffa comes on this frees up the time for me to go off to the kitchenette area i've got a kitchenette area it's not a pistol i'm living in got a kitchenette area go behind me a little bit of curtain grab a bit of curtain man your kitchen come on i change into the uniform of the international player which we know is the silk black kimono come back out into the main area i've kept my jeans on i'm not a monster i turn around to reveal the dragon hold that pose come back with a nice chill bottle of blue nun oh she's gone now playing days are over anyway i thought my life out in the late 80s met a very nice girl proper middle class she's been skiing and everything and uh and we've been we're about to about four years ago we were together six years we're making love right making love she said i want a baby i want that baby i said if you come off the pill i'll start leaving it in right so i started leaving it in child came along was created my wife quite a little classwoman she said after a few months she said i'm losing my identity she said losing my identity i said we finished the cleaning you've got clean up everyone's got a cleaner now poor people have got cleaners so she went back to work leaving me to bring the child up so i'm pushing him along the street in his 500 pound pram which i resented initially then i got involved in a race in somerfield's he turns on the some idiot in a 200 pound buggy tried to cut me out i said come on mate there's a monkey's worth of premek coming through [Applause] shouldn't you be in iceland with that thing [Applause] but we did buy an overpriced house to store the baby in you know i mean in a nice area [Music] my wife went back to work so she said it's the thing about having children is it is a bit tedious because you get up early with them you get better past six by about half seven you're running out of ideas right so the governments say not too much telly not too much telly they don't know what they're talking about last bit of telly never once has this little boy turned to me and gone there's nothing on dead so i put him by the telly right he's watching thomas the tank engine i'm reading about the budget deficit which is very high as we know you should be more worried about it he's watching thomas i'm reading the paper he's watching thomas i'm reading the paper suddenly i'm watching thomas two years later i'm a massive fan of thomas i've got to know the trains again and i they're little personalities you know you think oh toby's turned up this would be a blinder this will no because because where he's like he's not a proper diesel or a steamy and he's square he plays up a bit you know so he guaranteed a good episode with toby now the worst thing about having children you're thoroughly enjoying an episode of thomas the little boy looks up at me thinks he's enjoying himself a bit i'm not having that i think i'll go off and top myself all right so he goes and gets in the oven keep me on my toes and you have to go hot hot hot hot hot and you missed the end of thomas he ruins the rest of your day very easy it knows away and it's not the sort of show you can just pop down the pub that night start asking about you know what i mean it's not sans people i don't suppose you saw thomas this morning [Applause] they brought the orchestra over right to um that the fate was so dark they've only sent percy to pick him up and i i don't know what the fat control is thinking about sometimes i really don't we know it's a job for golden don't we possibly hang me at a push ladies and gentlemen you've been absolutely lovely thank you very much thank you you

Channel: Micky Flanagan

Views: 1,545,992

Keywords: Micky Flanagan, Micky Flanagan Stand Up, Stand Up, Stand Up Comedy, The Out Out Tour, Back in the Game, An' Another Fing, live at the apollo, mock the week, 8 out of 10 cats, Comedy Roadshow, A League of Their Own, was it something i said?, Detour de France, roadshow, apollo, stand up, thomas, an another fing, bbc worldwide, michael mcintyre, thomas the tank engine, full show, stand up routine, 80s, jimmy carr, james acaster

Id: 01ZndRhjjGU

Length: 11min 38sec (698 seconds)

Published: Thu May 13 2021