Michael Kosta's Top Moments as Guest Host | The Daily Show

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] obviously there's one big story in the world right now that we have to cover the Taylor Swift movie and and we'll get to that later but first I want to talk about something that stirs up almost as much passion the Middle East that's right it's my big week as guest host and I get Israel Palestine I don't mean to complain but as far as scheduling goes this unspeakably tragic geopolitical crisis is not super convenient time for me right now because no matter what I come up with people are just going to say this guy doesn't know what the f he's talking about and you're right that's pretty much the only opinion everyone can agree on Michael Costa is an idiot and what do I know about the Middle East I'm I'm from the middle west I'm from Michigan the best way I would describe my position on the Middle East is is poorly educated and that sounds harsh but at least I'm aware of it because I read a lot of your posts online and sometimes it's better not to pretend you know what you're talking about I have friends on Facebook who have the whole Middle East figured out when I know for a fact they can't even get car insurance hey Joey interesting points don't you have three du youi maybe you should focus on you thankfully this is why later tonight I will bring on an actual expert political scientist Ian Bremer will be here to help us make sense but here's what I'll say for now there's a cycle of violence here that feels like it's never ending it's been going on my whole life and apparently even longer than that and I'm sure I'm not the only one who wishes that this cycle would end and everyone has an opinion for whose respons responsible for it it's Israel it's Palestine it's Netanyahu it's Hamas everyone's taking a side but everyone is wrong because I spent the weekend reading two lengthy Wikipedia articles and I think it's pretty clear who we can blame for all of this mess the British okay you Britain and your nursing home King they're the ones who barged into the middle e at least 100 years ago and Drew the borders that caused all this mess and they did it all around the world by the way like how much of modern civilization is just undoing all of Britain's bad decisions you want to know how bad they fed up maps they made Ireland two irelands it's an island it didn't need borders but the the British were like here you go so maybe that's the best way we can find peace Israel and Palestine it's time to put your grievances aside and join together to invade Britain now who's an idiot now all right speaking of problems that won't go away Donald Trump as you all know the former president is facing 6,000 indictments and he's been complaining a lot about it but today a judge told him that legally speaking he needs to cram a in it a federal judge just imposed a limited gag order on former president Donald Trump restricting what he can say about his federal election subversion case he's now legally barred from attacking special counsel Jack Smith or his team or assailing potential Witnesses that's right Donald Trump has a gag order and I guarantee he doesn't even know what that is he probably thinks it means he can't deep throw to MC rib anymore but but good luck good luck getting Donald Trump to stop talking the guy is probably still spilling National Secrets just out on the golf course like should I go with a four iron or a five iron that reminds me four and five first two numbers in the nuclear codes and guess what numbers come next you'll never guess I'll just tell you I'm trying to be a global citizen I'm trying I can't plead ignorance anymore to this part of the world it was convenient for me for a while what can I do with what can anybody do I mean what other than just hear these sad stories or like something on Instagram is there any action how can I educate myself further I would say spend less time on social media okay it's dehumanizing it's disinformation it's actively destroying our democracy and others around the world um it is making algorithmically it's taking people and it's making them angrier and more hateful than anything they would experience in real life right so so if if you want to make a difference the last place you can make a difference is on social media where you're only exchanging information with people that are telling you here's exactly what you need to believe and those are the people you need to hate no it's spending more time with your family with your community in your school it's with people that aren't just like you algorithmically that's what you need to do really simple question not to be insensitive but for so many Americans that see this as something so far away why should they care about what's happening because in principle we the United States stand for something Beyond just ourselves I mean maybe America First doesn't quite say that but the Statue of Liberty does we all came from somewhere right I mean the the Jews and the Palestinians are the same people they came from the same place they've grown up in the same home um and and we as Americans who have historically represented that ethos better than anyone else on the planet how can we not care when that is falling apart right now in the most tragic possible way in front of our eyes how can we not care about that yeah that's why it matters to us as Americans not because oil is going to 150 not because people are losing their jobs not no it's because we as Americans if we stand for anything we stand for that quick question you went from being ranked 864 in tennis and teaching tennis to stand up Comon yeah so for those of you that don't know I I played tennis at University of Illinois and then I played professional tennis for about around three years with a career high ranking of 864 in the world thank you [Applause] I made $1,000 over three years um you're out there alone in tennis you're problem solving if you if you win it feels like triumphant if you lose it feels very personal that could also be standup comedy everything I just described I come from a big family four kids uh we joked we teased that's how you said I love you in our family so I think I'm probably doing all this just to get Mom and Dad to say I love you to me um but I still love tennis great great Sport and uhis Kel could I be Travis Kelce in what tennis I think Travis Kel is winning life right now President Biden is facing this issue headon and going straight into a war zone he's flying to Israel tonight although he's 80 years old so he did get to the airport two days ago and I'm proud of Biden for putting himself In Harm's Way although let's be honest Biden doing anything pretty much puts him In Harm's Way a rocket strike is dangerous but so is a bicycle and I bet he can cool things down there because if there's one thing Biden is good at it's cooling things down whether it's a war heated rhetoric or voter enthusiasm but all jokes aside I really glad to have a president who's there because it's comforting to have a leader who might actually deescalate a situation Donald Trump went to console hurricane victims and by the time he was done we were at war with Syria so good luck to Biden and anyone who's trying to end the war anyway let's move on to the biggest cluster outside of the Middle East the US Congress two weeks ago the house was thrown into chaos by Matt Gates Florida Republican and what happens when you photocopy Matthew MCC too many times he staged a coup against Kevin McCarthy speaker of the house and what happens when you photocopy John Slattery too many times and after that everyone said the Republicans were too divided to elect a new speaker and it turns out everyone was right Serena are bees fish no bees are not fish okay few I was like so so almost certain that they weren't you don't fish for a bee you be for a bee right bees are not fish but uh the California legislature decades ago defined fish to include several different animals including invertebrates and bees are unquestionably a type of invertebrate so according to California state law bees are fish you just said that bees are not fish and also bees are fish do I look dumb to you no we've just utilized the definitions under the California Endangered Species Act to seek protection for four species of bumblebees that are close to extinction and to make things even more confusing only some bees are now fish bombas oxin in Talis the Western bumblebee bombus oxes of Dallas yeah that's the the Western bum Franklin's Bumblebee the suckle cuckoo bumblebee we can't really say that on TV but okay go ahead bombus CR which is the one that occurs here that's crutches bumblebee what's that one called I'm sorry crutches Bumblebee Bumblebee crotch oh my God I had that in college Jim Jordan lost by 20 votes yesterday spent all night meeting holdouts one-on-one trying to win them over and then lost by 22 votes this [Music] afternoon I crunch the numbers and it turns out 22 is more than 20 so he's doing even worse so at this point three Republicans have tried and failed to get the votes for speaker with no end in sight which is why now there's a growing movement to just let the temporary speaker Patrick McKenry keep the job and he seems qualified I mean he's wearing a bow tie a bow tie says a lot about a man it says that every morning he spends 20 minutes watching a YouTube tutorial on how to tie a bow tie and that's the kind of focus you want in a speaker but more importantly Congressman McKenry is perfect for the job because he's already there sometimes you just got to go with the guy who's already sitting in the chair I mean why keep looking he's not up he's maybe even crushing it some people are saying maybe he doesn't have as many Instagram follow followers as some of the other guest speaker candidates but let's not over complicate things he's right there just give him the job already all right in order to get bottled water to the masses water companies like Nestle often suck up water from public lands for little to no cost it's not awesome right we love it when multinational conglomerates find success the problem is this creates a massive environmental impact when these companies are called out for it they come up with explanations like Nelson Switzer is nesle wat's Chief sustainability officer some people would say this is the people's water is it fair that you guys make so much money off of it nesle has water rights of course uh in this area from a legal standpoint of course it's fair uh from a perception standpoint I understand why people are asking that question but water belongs to no one oh really really nestly water belongs to no one that's the dumbest thing anyone has ever said about water and keep in mind gwenneth palro once said that you can hurt water's Feelings by yelling at it if water really belongs to no one then why can't I go swimming in my neighbor Eric's Koi pond why did it scare his kids per the police report but sucking up all the fresh water is just the beginning of our problems making the bottles and shipping them to you uses 17 million barrels of oil a year that's enough oil to fill 1 million cars for a whole year here or grease up Don Jr for one weekend all right testing levels let me know if you can hear this I'm Joe Biden soul of America Scranton that works for me I'm Nolan peacock and I'm Joe Biden's senior whisper adviser I don't in any way dismiss what Senator Murphy says about the environment don't dismiss it at all all so she mind him I wrote the Bill on the environment before the president gives any speech it's my job to comeb through it and find the most jarring moments for him to whisper all right what do you think about this 1.9 trillion yeah that's the spot right there I got them $1.9 trillion Rel they're going to be getting chance in the mailen this week for child care here's my idol old Teddy Roosevelt you all remember what he said right speak softly and carry a big stick what's that and carry a big stick I'm not familiar you may wonder why whisper I'll tell you [Music] why sorry what did you say exactly you see now you're interested as a whisper advisor you're always looking for new Inspirations honing your craft in fact lately I've been experimenting with something I like to call reverse Whispering think about it think about what you'd think about at the time some people question my methods they'll claim there's no good reason for a president to suddenly whisper in the middle of a speech a lot of attention today Whispers from President Biden lighting up social media where the # creepy Joe started gaining traction very quickly I don't understand why he keeps doing the creepy whisper what's with the creepy Whispering all the time but when President Biden Nails a whisper so unexpected so borderline confusing you wonder if you're hallucinating guess what grow the economy let's kick things off with some sad news that might tug at your heartstrings president Donald Trump might be going to jail we all react to grief differently but but yes prosecutors in one of Trump's 400 court cases might have found a surprise witness one of his own lawyers some breaking news right now Donald Trump's former lawyer just pleaded guilty Sydney Powell is who we're talking about now entering into a plea agreement in the Georgia election subversion case this is a deal that comes just one day before her trial was due to start and as part of this plea deal she has agreed that she will testify in any future trials which raises the possibility that she could testify against Trump in the future which obviously is a huge deal that's right Sydney po might be flipping on the Dawn and if if you don't remember Sydney Powell she was Trump's craziest lawyer which is amazing considering that Trump's other lawyers included this guy and this [Applause] guy being Trump's craziest lawyer is like being the most divorced dad at an embassy suites Embassy Sweets not an embassy and definitely not sweet now under this plea deal PA will avoid prison time but she will have to pay a $99,000 fine and write an apology letter to the citizens of Georgia I mean just a letter this this woman actively uh tried to steal an election least you could do is apologize door to door like a sex offender yeah hi I'm Sydney Powell I molested democracy good point Ronnie yeah at the very least she should write an apology to Mike pen for almost getting him hanged I mean obviously he won't read it because he considers receiving mail from a woman to be a form of sex but it's good etiquette I mean CA I got to say you know Sydney pawell sounds like a pretty great lawyer to be honest I mean man she got treason down to a apology letter like that's amazing negotiation is she still practicing cuz I might want to hire her wa what no why why would you hire a criminal lawyer you have legal problems uh no nothing major just some minor drug trafficking drug drug trafficking like fenol oh no like anything you want man I can I can hook it [Music] [Applause] up

Channel: The Daily Show

Views: 71,031

Keywords: the daily show, the daily show episodes, comedy central, comedians, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, funny clips, daily show, news, politics, michael kosta, guest host, bees, fish, ronny chieng, israel, palestine, donald trump, house speaker, daily show guest host, guest hosts, best of, daily show episodes

Id: Fw5l_w0xUAU

Length: 18min 16sec (1096 seconds)

Published: Sat Oct 21 2023