Meet the Boys an Adoption Story - Part 1

[Applause] it was really bad beyond this house and we had a dog and my mom and dad didn't take take take care of the dog correctly so it just went to the bathroom over the place and then we had this like basement and then it was just dirty all the time and we had felt beds we just we have we destroyed them just seeing five boys being treated I then I'm part of anything which was hard I just want five kids came to your house smelling bad did he know how to brush her teeth I eat correctly we never honestly we never drink water just soda soda and soda because it was cheaper so yeah that's probably one of the reasons why I was 260 Aiden used to be 180 go to the corner store and get the cheapest thing you know to eat that's what what the life was about I'm not gonna lie just getting anything to fill me up oh my new middle name it's Phoenix needs to write some Nashes to have a rebirth a new beginning yeah [Music] so my name is Benita Sanchez I have two biological daughters I have a stepson I have a stepdaughter and so we basically we're a family of four as of Jude 4 we went from a family of four to a family of nine overnight Logan is the baby of the house and Logan gets away with murder Peyton is sorry talk a lot he does not shut up he just talks also a minute he wakes up in the morning Ethan is my worrier I call him that like I said his nickname for me is daddy Ethan Aiden is Aiden kind of under spectrum I did get him diagnosed so very bright very bright boy Xavier is actually an amazing kid he's um very protective of his brothers he's very humble very humble so we Xavier is always the one that once he's very aware of things he you know he doesn't like to spend a lot he he's um he's more like a father figure but even or not I'm not trying to use excuse but like I guess I'm the oldest and it's hard for harder for me to get not attached but to form a bond for everybody it was honestly really hard they just accept that but honestly like felt really good to just finally be adopted after a while so at that time I had free time because I had a knee surgery and I couldn't do much my wife and I we attend to a local church for Kabri tabernacle they have a program called boxwood it's basically kids that are on probation that are having issues so we volunteered my husband was actually mentoring thistles which is their older brother that's how I got to mean his shoes his Susie's tell my husband you know little bits and pieces of what was going on I really didn't get that involved he actually spent Thanksgiving with us and you know we were trying to help him out as much as we could talk about his brothers he wish he could give him a better life everything in the world but he was struggling he had he added I think much rougher than done he experienced much much more they did on one of my visits that I had with him he told me that his brothers were going to be evicted to be honest I didn't I didn't believe that a week two weeks passed by and he repeated the same statement he then gave me a call February 11th saying Eddie this is it they're really gonna get evicted I'm not gonna lie I don't remember much from it I used to just wake up stay in my room that's it I was just try to find some food upstairs I'm just yeah that's it honestly we stayed in my room all day we probably just watched YouTube oh there yeah that's it like any smells bad in there and this person came to live in there but I don't know why he can't even came there in the first place like it was in like downstairs there's like another room still dudes like this big room and then on the other side it was like this arm small room and the guy said in this small room I don't know why my mom did that so I spoke to my wife we thought about it it's a big responsibility you know my daughter had just graduated my son had just left or the National Guard's I'm like oh my god if you really want to do this they called us and they you know my husband spoke to me he said yes automatically I'm not gonna lie to you he automatically said yes I had my doubts by then my wife and I we were already certified to be foster parents but I was looking about know maybe thinking about getting a little girl you know what one child we got five boys I'm just grateful I have a strong wife by my side a strong woman that can really guide me in that direction that's right we spoke about it I finally said okay let's do it and that was it you know then two days later they were at our house my wife and I we couldn't turn our backs and who knew that Valentine's Day was gonna be such a blessing day he like I said he was on board a hundred percent I'm more gave in because I just felt it was the right thing to do I didn't I'm not gonna lie like I wasn't a hundred percent sure about it even when I said yes but in my mind it was like either you know we do have the space all our bedrooms are empty and how do I let all these kids get separated because at that point that night before they had already been split up um I'll talk about it so like I was by myself so it was a little scary for me it was like it was like in this apartment it was like some bunk beds I think the guy who like was like watching me I think he would he had kids because I saw some pictures of the other kids I want to at the day after that I went to school and then I had the way in the office until I like somebody had to pick me up until somebody picked me up and then they said that um we're gonna pick up all my brothers and then that's when we went to the house beneath Andy's house so to me it was like how how do I live knowing I had the room to take all these kids and keep them together how could I say no so that's what made me say okay so before they arrived they actually called us they told us that they were gonna be here in the evening they came in they brought in bunk beds you know they they build the bunk beds they had quilts everything for them they you know I guess DCP and peace you know actually gives us that they set everything up the boys actually came in the evening actually was almost six seven o'clock maybe we all got here and Eddie opened the door for us they're the original caseworker came in with them like I said they were scared they the fear was overwhelming like you saw the fear you saw the oh my god what's going on [Music] strangers like I wouldn't want to be rude I just left people I didn't know it was just weird I don't know how to explain it though just weird it was an overwhelming feeling I mean you know we didn't know them they didn't know us I saw that they were very afraid you know Logan especially Logan was only two and a half didn't want anyone to touch him like he actually went and hid underneath my dining room table and he was like crying and then um you know as the night went on and we started talking we bought them pizza remember it was like it was I have I didn't eat the night before so I was really hungry so I that night you know I had to give them a few showers my niece's a hairstylist and she came over and gave him all haircuts so it was like you know just trying to get them into feeling as comfortable as you can it you know at that moment I mean I couldn't even imagine what was going through their head so if I was trying to make them feel as comfortable as I could but it was it was horrible to be honest with you it was horrible it was very emotional it was exciting and it was depressing being able to [Music] provide to them a better life at the same time it was a lot of mixed emotion we had diapers bringing things to the house so it was me had a lot of sadness honestly it was it was it was sad for me as a person as a mom it was it was sad to see the state that these boys were in cuz I really spent Toni buddy this boy I used to stink like bad like older and like they was just like make fun of me like it was crazy but I mean yeah just seeing five boys being treated like they're not parting anything it was was hard hard to swallow then five kids came to your house smelling bad did he know how to brush her teeth or eat correctly they were out of school for a whole year adjustment that the boys and us we had to do was get something much bigger because what we worry which is small so we purchased this out for them they struggle with the fact that mom and dad were in there yeah I didn't go for school go to school for like six months straight freshman year yeah I didn't go to school I only went to school for two weeks and it was pretty bad not like yeah I like I'm not that I begged her but like I told her constantly hey can you sign me up for school and everything but she never did like for me to ask her decide me for school it's kind of like you know it's not that it's not that good you know for me you know kid I was just you know thirteen or fourteen thirteen just to ask her you know how you can you sign me up for school it's like it's kind of you know that's a disappointing but it is yeah I was living it I knew that these boys were bright and they were smart but you know they didn't know their timetables they don't know their timetables they didn't know how to read they didn't know they were crying but to do their homework they would hide their homework but I also saw when you had a conversation with them that these were bright boys I just needed to be helped so once we got the like low-paying Ethan Aiden they had five or four planets IEP plans they take you know they were taken out for resources I fought with DC PNP I actually got tutoring lessons with um Sylvan like I mean I fought for these boys and you know Aiden right now reads at a twelve point nine reading level he was at a two point three reading level when I first got him and we're talking about two and a half years you know so I I saw the potential they just needed to help that was it so that alone we knew we had our work cut out that alone made made our decision much stronger a lot stronger to me I mean my husband is more you know friendly I'll go in so he like kind of joked at them talk to them I kind of stood back to the attics with you and I just looked at all of them and it was sad it was a sad moment for me yet as a mother it really really was I never experienced the experience anything like that I mean I was in you know we weren't rich growing up but my mother my father were always there so to me to even experience that and see that fear in their eyes it was like wow like I thought about my daughters and you know my stepson I'm like oh my god this is heartbreaking that that was my initial toy um that's how I felt and it was it was a very I would say awkward intimidating time for us because I said I mean you have five kids you know nothing about the condition that they were in the way those kids looked was devastating we all had fevers and Logan had a fever like he almost passed away I'm not gonna lie yeah very unhealthy very unhealthy as a mother I just thought wow you know how can you do this you know that was my initial thought at that moment honestly it was like how can you do this to your child it was it was sad to me it was an overwhelming sad sad day and me myself I was about that I know the struggle that is not having your parents just being a survivable all the time and I guess that's why God put in my heart I gave you a chance give them a check I would never say it was a happy day it was scary it was sad and it was very um a rude awakening for me as well as to how many children actually go through this and we don't know about that's that's what I remember about that day with the little ones I think it was easier paying of course because paying just talks talking talks Ethan was more reserved Ethan was very quiet Xavier was so when I kept watching I was like you know one of these people doing Xavier he took care of us now I'm grateful for that helps me out like a lot and he doesn't annoy me like one of the first few days they're like whenever like Logan started crying he wake up and go take care of him but mom said it was okay that's when he felt this is his home this is my home but I feel like when they started seeing that hey this is like a norm I had to put them you know we had to show them how to brush your teeth how to take showers every day to day things that kids at that age should know they really didn't know so it was more of I guess because we gave them something of a normal lifestyle I should say I mean I'm gonna say normal but I guess more of a routine they actually started stepping into him like okay so this is okay like we breakfast you know I'm paying was like obsessed with food every three minutes is like what am I gonna eat I'm and it's all normal so it was like okay we're gonna have breakfast we're gonna have lunch I took them out and you know even taking them out I would have to say they will all steal I took them one time to UM oh my god that restaurant in um with all the animals that make noise having to forget the name and they were like stealing stuff and I'm like what are you doing he was like oh this is what we do I'm like no that's not what you do so it was breaking them out of a lot of habits that they have come you know growing accustomed to but I just feel that because they saw that we actually really cared they started opening up you know two three nights into it the little one the two-year-old had a huge fever and my husband had to get up and he laid with him on the couch and he was burning up and after that him and my husband Bob you know they were the bond was like incredible it took a little bit more time with me with Logan but you know so it was like little things like that that I would do like they will wake up you know they would urinate in the bed and you know it wasn't like I would get upset I would get up and like change them and I guess they saw that oh okay they're not that bad that things they're really helping us and you know I had to gain their trust it was gaining their trust that's all it was and you know we had our ups and down but that's what we did and Eva and Xavier once Xavier I feel started getting comfortable the rest bottle they had to relearn a lot of stuff 8 into 1 des likes to read a lie he and Ethan there there was a third grade level so they wanted to held them back and we fought for that Benny he she helps me out a lot incredible woman that spots anything and just slice where it from tutoring to transportation to school daycare honestly the the hardest part was dealing with the biological parents we're mom and dad II wanna basically be in her life if their mom was trying to make an effort to see them she would be under the influence drugs and it said that you're not fighting for your kids Benny had the worst part of it because she was getting directed where the mother and father me I I didn't want to I had the boys in my mind and that's it dealing with the ups and downs their instability you know having to deal with them not showing up having to deal with the courts and going there and the boys knowing all of this and you know and and the uncertainty of oh yeah maybe they're gonna you know she's gonna get it together maybe we're gonna go back to her you know the boys had really hard hard issues with that there were especially Xavier he had questions on why white wire are not why then I'm making an attempt to meet with us or or shakes their lives it wasn't easy to explain the circumstances that they were going to her exhibit you knew about it Ethan and Aiden had suspicions but at the end of the day they're they decided to make their own decision the whole entire day to day dealing with seeing the boys on that roller coaster that was the worst part of it it really was the father ever since he sign his rights away we haven't heard anything about him he used to call a lot paystub mom had her recitations rights taken away she passed about three months ago so the pain wasn't as much as it would have been if she was in their life consistently so I did have you I had a relationship with her I communicated with her a lot I mean like I said as a mother I felt that it was important for me to actually form a relationship with her because of the boys you know I always looked at it that way I was angry with her for a very long time you know her and I she was sometimes very disrespectful you know whatever issue she was having she was having a lot of issues the boyfriend you know the chords I was angry as a mother as how do you do this to this boys how do you let these boys go get into this condition how do you not take them to school her and I had our disagreements I have invited her you know to come over for Christmas I tried reaching out to her I was involved but I detached myself a little bit from it because I didn't want to be so focused on that aspect and let the boys suffer our little I had my raw still have my robe Benny has her role at dinner day we meet in and just speak about the legal battle that we had because it's been a it's been a rough life like I said in the beginning hasn't been easy I change how I felt it helped angry I was at her I'm not gonna lie to you when I adopted the boys DCP MP gave me a package I guess with everything that happened with the boys and after reading that I saw that she was reported back in 2007 so now we're talking about 12 years that this has been going on you know it was just sad but when she passed away you know I spoke with the sisters with the aunts which I also have a good relationship with and um they you know I raised money so that we could bury her she actually passed away in Pennsylvania we had to bring her to New Jersey my oldest daughter we opened up a GoFundMe account we raised all the money DCP MP also helped with the cost of the burial you know getting close to the boys I it was expensive we got her a plot here in Linden so that the boys could actually go visit her then I said to myself something has to change she was reported over 1012 times and you know I know people blame DC P and P but now that I'm involved with this whole system I was involved with the system these caseworkers have so many cases so many children that you cannot blame them for failing to actually see when somebody really needs help they go into these homes and they ask the children also that she hits you were you're not going as a child how are you gonna say to them oh yes knowing that you're gonna be taken away you're going to lie at this point now I feel that if somebody would have intervened ten years ago this maybe would have happened you know she probably would have been alive the opiate epidemic now is it's insane you know she was addicted she was addicted to you know heroin opium drugs and that's what actually ended up you know terminating her life so to me I just feel that the whole system something has to be done that we can help these mothers that when they get reported it's not so quick to go in and remove these children but at least really find out what is really going on cuz I I just feel that she could have had a chance to survive if this was address 12 years ago when it was first reported so what went wrong what went wrong with the system and something has to change it really really does but I honestly now feel sorry for her because I just feel that we could have done better the system could have done better that's how I feel there were visitations with her the visitation actually they ended up being terminated because out of the three visits that the boys actually had which were supervised she was actually high when they got there the first visit that Xavier went to because they did give the boys the option of going or not going Xavier went the first time and then he said I can't do this the second visit Ethan came home and he and he was like so depressed I'm like any was like going backwards you know by the third visit Aiden came home and said I don't want to go like she doesn't even talk to us she's on her phone she doesn't pay attention to us I don't want to be there so and then that they called me and told me that they were actually I guess the therapist I was there actually called DC PNP and actually terminated the visit because she was high when they were there the judge actually terminated all her visits and I fought for Educational Rights and medical rights because I had to ask her for permission when I had to you know do IEP plans she wouldn't show up it was you know if I the boys need a medication she had to give me permission and I finally went to court and I said listen I can't do this like I'm missing work I'm going in all these appointments I'm going to the schools I'm these boys are so behind you know academically they there's soap I said I need to be able to get these boys help without having to go look for this lady and the judge finally agree and gave me the right to make the medical decisions and the educational decisions for the boys and that's when things actually started going very very well for us because I was able to get the help that they needed without all this stress and frustration of her not showing up she was always under the influence that's how she passed and they understood the three oldest one they really hate them but not as hard as we thought it was going to oh she passed away February she overdosed I'm not sure what but she overdosed it did hurt a lot it really like that that really did hurt yeah um the way I found out is just not the best cuz you know someone posted it on their account on Instagram and I found that that way it was like and that takes my mom I was like what's happening right now you know and there she was she tried to like play it off like yeah like nothing what are you talking about but then they picking me up early from school like from Scotch Plains and then like the vice principal walked into my classroom saying that your parents here to pick you up it was like that's when I knew like I did and it was my dad and Eddie there so yeah I cried a lot like that's probably the most I've cried but Eddie was there downstairs the whole time my dad was there and then around 12:00 my mom came then yeah it was tough day I don't regret it it's been rough but I don't regret a bit there you seen them how respectful they are there dag there are no more ages it's it's something new for me because it's not having mom and dad in my life and just being from state to state or from Puerto Rico to New York it was hard to understand how to raise five boys at the same time it's exhausting I'm not gonna lie to you exhausting I if you were to talk to me three years four years ago I would never have thought I would have been in this position I'm not gonna lie you know it's it's exhausting but it's also very rewarding it's as a mother you know and I said this when I adopted them it's changed me as a mother as well you know people we say oh my god you know you're so nice how can you help with these boys and the difference that they're making you're making in their lives but it's also vice versa like as a mother you know if he speaks my daughters that was very very strict like everybody knows that was very strict you know I'm very strong in education you know like I said I grew up poor we I grew up in Washington Heights um to me you know education is a way out I know some people don't feel that way but it is what it is that's the way I feel you know my daughter's went to college they both have bachelor's degrees my little one is gonna be going to medical school my our son graduated from high school we're still fighting with that one but you know he's finally just enrolled in college so to me it's something they've actually change who I am as a mother as well and they've made me actually grow grow as a person to be honest with you like I have a lot more patience now I am exhausted you know I work full time you know I I actually you know have a huge responsibility at work as well but when come home the love that those boys give me and the way they are with me and it's like you said they're so welcoming there so you know Xavier so appreciative of everything like he's so humble and it just has changed my whole outlook in life and I it's actually even giving me a purpose because I need to do something about the whole system and that's my goal now that's how I feel that's how I feel no no it's a it's a lot of work I mean I'm you know the state actually they do you know help me financially is that enough absolutely not but they do help I'm not gonna say I'm not gonna say they don't the boys do have um state insurance so that also helps but you know I work I work full time you know my husband works it's you know we it's a lot you know our groceries you know the clothing the expense it's it's a lot of money you know it's a lot but at the end of the day we're happy and that's what matters to me you know I have clothes in bins and bags and whatever and my coworkers are great they help me like you know the doctors that I work with they all have children they gave me clothes for the boys you know my mother helps a lot my niece Hathi like you know they help with picking up the boys you know that's another thing you know the dentist's appointment the doctor's appointments or psychiatry them it's it's overwhelming I mean sometimes like I'm home and I'm like I'm exhausted I'm exhausted but you know like I said I look at them and I look at the change how positive how how well they're doing in school how well Xavier is doing like he's a totally different kid and it just makes me keep going you know I'm reading that book right now actually this is not the life I ordered so it's like you know it's it's a very big learning experience for me I'm not gonna lie to you it really is it really is I felt as if like she really even though she may not have been ready like but she did make sure that we had everything even though we weren't her kids or we didn't have that bond yet she was made sure that we were okay seen their change seeing how happy these kids are seeing how good they're doing in school you know xavius about to start driving it's just like seeing the growth and literally seen the transformation of what I knew they could become so it's just like living that day-to-day and seeing how much they've changed in a great way to me it's the most rewarding thing in the world honestly it hrivnas [Music] [Applause] [Music] please ride you two are here to adopt five children by the name of Logan Liam Vasquez Logan raise your hand thank you Aiden Nazir Vasquez Payton gavotte Vasquez Ethan Shabbat that dusk was MC here Aaron Gus was [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] I like both for the loan loan estimate one [Music] you

Channel: embrella

Views: 955,000

Keywords: adoption, foster care, foster care adoption, brothers, love, adoptive parents, foster parents, fost-adopt, nj, nj foster care, embrella, adopting, adopting from foster care, foster child, foster kid, forever family

Id: erFIlFHsjgE

Length: 37min 46sec (2266 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019