- How to talk to short people. Wrong, correct. I do something in the middle of this that if you see any of my
curbside consult videos, I'm just like this, and it's almost like text neck but instead of text neck, it's talk to shore
people with respect neck. That's my new name for it. Knuckle sandwich. (chuckles) Actually, do cats have knuckles? No, they have paws. That's actually a fur paw sandwich. (crickets chirping) That wasn't funny. (everyone laughing) Pharma commercial, here's
what this drug can help. Last 15 seconds of the pharma commercial, I'll kill you. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Pharma, pharma. (person stuttering indistinctly) Maybe say, when you go see your doctor, talk about the side effects. But rapidly saying them
at a point at a rate where no one can understand, it's not really helpful. Unfortunately, we had to
amputate three fingers on your right hand. Oh no, will I still be
able to write with it? Possibly, but I wouldn't count on it. Oh, count on the hand. Yeah, touche. Get it? 'Cause there's only two fingers left. New corkscrew whirlycoaster
IUD gets sperm cell too dizzy to find uterus. Oh that's funny. So normally for IUDs, this is intrauterine device, we put them in. You could have a copper one, you could have a hormone one. This one is the rollercoaster
one that confuses sperm. Getting your flu shot in long sleeves. Oh, that's me. I did that for one of my,
"Day in the Life," videos. I'm tracking my calories so
that at the end of the day, I know precisely how
disappointed to be in myself. Yo, everyone that has all
these fitness gadgets, that's what they do to themselves. They create more health
anxiety than benefit. And what's crazy is they could've
had a great night's sleep and it says they had a bad night's sleep, it actually makes them feel like they had a bad night's sleep. Garbage! Have you tried licking
it for hours? (laughs) Oh god, this comic
relief is just so bueno. WTF honey. (chuckles) Didn't the Spartans get a horse like that? Is one of these horses Trojan and the other one's Spartan? If one of them is Trojan, shouldn't they be having
safe sex? (clicks fingers) Never yell into one of these, you'll strain your voice. (laughs) Okay, that's good. Okay, we needed some humor 'cause I destroyed it on that last meme. And if you just yell enough, you'll strain your voice. And if you yell often enough, you can create a polyp on your vocal cords which will really strain your voice. Vegetarian shrimp. Oh yeah, it kind of does look like it! Is that a mandarin, a
tangerine or a Cutie? This is a meth. A meth and feta meme. Oh, (claps) that's good! I don't even know if that's feta. And I don't even know if that's meth. But if it is true meth and feta with a tomato on the side, it's delicious. Well, the feta not the meth. (chuckles) And by the way, some people say that Adderall is meth. It's actually not meth. It has a derivative
called, dextroamphetamine, which is slightly different
but similar compounds. Anatomy of bears. Ears, B. (laughs) Okay, we need to evaluate. Come here, you need to help
me fact check this meme. You're really messy today. Okay, ears and B. Bear? (gasps) How dare? Come on, gimme a hug. Yeah okay, there we go. Okay, ears and bear. Ears and B. Thanks, Bear. Appreciate you, bud. High-five. Oh, he almost got it. Ow! (chuckles) (static sounding) Me, "Heal my disease." Brain, "No." Me, "Takes pill with no effect." Brain, "You son of a (beep), I'm in." That's so funny because
that's the placebo effect. You know, there's actually something called the, nocebo effect, which is by taking something, you create an effect as
opposed to relieve a symptom. But then in order to
make a nocebo go away, you can take a placebo. (Dr. Mike mimics explosion)
(brain exploding) (static sounding) What is that Pokemon, they're like, "Grass power!" And they're like, "Yeah,
but I got flame power!" And then they go, "Water power!" And it kills it. So it's like, "Nocebo effect!" "Placebo effect!" "FDA has no strength to act "and tame the supplement industry." I don't know how it got there. When all patients eat apples every day. It's not how it works. Apples do not cure all illnesses. They're in general, a healthy fruit but they are high in sugar, they are high in fiber. Even if all my patients ate apples, I will still have patients. When your anti-vax mom installs
antivirus on your tablet but not on you. Well, that's messed up. Actually, this is a lie. Even your anti-vax mom has installed a level of antivirus on you as we pass along our
antibodies through breast milk, through intra-utero circulation. So thank your mama bears. When health class tries to
teach you chest compressions but you watch Doctor Mike. I am four parallel universes ahead of you. Facts! Stone, stwo. (laughs) The simplicity
with that stupidity makes for an excellent pairing. Like wine and cheese, mac and cheese. Why is everything with cheese? I love cheese. (laughs) What am I looking at? Why do I have to see this? I wanna unsee this. I have your test results. Did I pass? Haha. You will soon. (laughs) God this guy, they made this poor person
be the face of every meme. If I ever run into him in the street where he's a real doctor, I feel like patients will
just pass out out of fear. What happens if I breathe? Google, you die. What? Is that because you're
out in New York City? My feet after a 10 hour shift. What am I looking at here? - [Producer] These feet got abs. And their feet got belly buttons. - Yeah, what is that? It looks like a person. Dr. Mike watching me come
into the ER with a 108 fever. Hollup, let him cook. Okay, 108 fever, I'm treating that bad boy. But if you're coming in 101, you're a healthy adult, nothing else is going on, you have a little viral
fever and you're feeling okay and you're not like truly rundown and you can rest still comfortably, maybe let him cook. Madagascar, Gladagascar, Sadagascar, Notagascar, Madatgascar. (laughs) Okay, that's pretty good. Should I get an electric
car as my next car? Which one should I get? I wanna get like a sporty electric car. Them, breakups hurt the most. Me, ever had this? Looks like a canker sore. And usually that happens as a result of some kind
of physical irritation. Also, some people get
this after being sick when their immune system
is a little bit weakened. And there are some solutions that you could put in your mouth that you could swish and spit that actually numb them
up and help them heal. Talk to your doctor if you are having them and they're recurrent. Online death certificate request. The person listed on death certificate is, honestly, not even gonna lie, if you saw some of the
forms we have to fill out for government institutions, it'd be like this. And it's sad like this. And it makes me worried for
hackers because of this. Head and shoulders. Ew, it's just a weird one. I don't wanna see that. Plus, the head and shoulder's
not gonna fit in there. Maybe my little head, but Dan's head certainly won't fit. Workers in Europe, I will
be taking the summer off because I need a little suntan. Workers in America, I will be using one of my
three paid vacation days to undergo open heart surgery. I laugh but it's so true. Forget about the healthcare
system thing for a minute. I know it's a health
channel but in America, people don't like taking vacations. They like to work. And I will say, I wish I had the European
mindset of taking a vacation and a little siesta here and there 'cause I feel like it's
better for the mental health and the soul. Scientist, explaining the
importance of good sleep. Me at 3:00 AM watching
him explain. (laughs) The reason you're watching is so that the 3:00 AM
non-sleepiness gets treated with your new lifestyle habits that are gonna improve your sleep hygiene. Isn't that weird that we
call it sleep hygiene? 'Cause it has nothing to do
with you cleaning yourself. It's just about cleaning your habits. At the age where it's considered rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if you don't have enough
for everyone. (laughs) You know what? That age I would say is 34. And I'm about to be that. It'd be like that. I just bought a mafia
board game set in Armenia, and this is what the
doctor card looks like. What? Dude, that's a picture from my hospital. Kind of want that game. Can someone send that to me? Yeah, I take SSRIs, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors. Six or seven really ice cold beers. Okay, I hope you're
not taking six or seven really ice cold beers
while you're on an SSRI. Also, I hope you're not doing six or seven really ice cold beers because you're depressed and you're medicating with alcohol instead of taking an anti-depressant. See, I made it medical. Narrow grip, no arched back, and benching 485 raw. Mrs. Fizzle is on the juice. Yo fact. Is she wearing one of
those bench press shirts that make it a little bit
more stable to bench press? And also, she has really long arms. You know if you have longer arms, it's harder to bench press than
when you have shorter arms. That's why as a taller individual, I've always struggled on the bench even though I got up
to like 285 on my max. I don't even recommend most people to do one rep maxes. Not really healthy and can injure yourself and ego gets in the way. US hospital calculating your bills. Honestly, it'd be like that. And I don't know why. Like I know why. The system is trash. I've seen bills of people going in and getting like bandaged, and get like a $500 bill for the bandage, $50 bill for the Tylenol
pill that they were served. I mean at some point, someone on that team, when they're filling that price bill out, they need to look at
themselves in the mirror for a long time, and asked the question, "Is
it okay what I'm doing?" Because the answer is no, it's not. Dr. Mike, starts talking
about antibiotics and the sun. Me, who's allergic to most
antibiotics and sunscreen. That's a problem because there's legitimately
some antibiotics listed here that can weaken your ability
to protect you from the sun, makes it more likely that you get sunburn and get sun damage. And there are some sunscreens that you're probably not allergic to. So I would investigate with your allergist and or primary care doctor. Showering in the morning, showering at night, people with common sense. What?
(producer laughing) I have never once. Unless I was going on a date. Or Bear like slobbered all over me. And even that, I don't really care. Shower at night. Why would you shower at night? You're gonna get clean, you're gonna do your hair, only to go into the bed? What are you, sick? Shower in the morning
like a normal person. I don't know why I'm so
aggressive about that 'cause it totally doesn't matter. Shower when your heart desires. Actually showering at night
might help some people 'cause it can help cool
you down afterwards which is actually what
your body wants to do in order to fall asleep faster. So maybe doing the right thing. Why does my stomach hurt so much? Their breakfast. Yeah, for real. Everyone's like, "Oh my god, "I think I have celiac disease, "I think I have this, "I have indigestion, "I have that, "why, I eat so healthy, "I follow Goop diet to a tee." And I'm like, "Well, what
do you eat for breakfast?" "Oh, just 48 ounces of blonde
roast with four espressos, "caramel macchiato,
frosted cinnamon swirl, "and a vanilla frizz in my latte." Your stomach is confused 'cause you injected it
with a caffeine sugar bomb first thing in the morning. The full circle of life. Dinosaurs went to chickens, chickens went to chicken breast, chicken breast went to back to dinosaurs. Oh, nuggets. I've never had a dinosaur nugget. Who serves dinosaur nuggets? Do people just have the
little presses to make them? Or do they come pre-made and frozen? I think the patient in room B is dying. Does he have insurance? No. Yep, he's dying. That's mean. Why? Why? That's really mean. Dad's second car crash this week. Oh my god, that's so, it ends there.
(producer laughing) We're ending the meme review. Here's some of the weirdest
things people do on airplanes. Click here to check that out. As for the medical reasoning as to why you shouldn't
do some of these things. As always, stay happy and healthy. Right, newf? Pats, pats, pats for the newf. (upbeat music fades)
