Married People Who Regret Having KID Share Why They Even HAD THEM (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit people who regret having children what made you have them in the first place throw away because I don't want to deal with the backlash I have a five month old and I hate it she's extremely high needs always wants to be held / rocked / et Cie I can't put her down for more than a few minutes at a time and she usually screams until I pick her up at which point the screaming stops 50% of the time she hardly naps I can't so much as eat a meal or take a shower I'm rapidly losing weight because I can never put her down long enough to eat she wakes up every 2/3 hours all night every night I am a single moment I have no help I am struggling with severe PPD have been since week one I don't know who to talk to about it because everyone I try to talk to brushes me off everyone says it's just baby blues and it will pass or worse they tell me to stop complaining and deal with my decision yeah we all here single moms say that it's hard but that doesn't invalidate their feelings even dual parent households are hard and no one bats an eye when those people say they need a break needing a few hours a week away from my child does not make me a bad mother which decision is that I was on birth control when I got pregnant my long-term boyfriend dumped me when he couldn't convince me to have an abortion I haven't seen him in a year and he has yet to meet his child I had an abortion a few years ago and it shattered me completely I fell hard off the wagon and tried to kill myself I knew I couldn't handle that again so I kept my kid I always wanted kids and thought that I was ready fYI I've been clean and sober for a long time so don't think I'm doing drugs still I don't even drink but I didn't think that the man who claimed to want to spend the rest of his life with me would abandon me and our unborn child I love my daughter but it sucks I live in a perpetual state of exhaustion hunger stress depression and ninis I hear it gets better as they get older and while I'm sure that's true I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel from this deep dark hole I feel trapped and unhappy and that no man will ever love me again because of my daughter and the stereotype of the single mom seeks personal ATM to help raise her kid I do everything I'm supposed to for her everything I can I put a smile on my face every day and do my best to make her happy but at the end of the day RA in bed and longed for the one thing I want that I feel is now permanently out of reach a normal life and the love of a good man rant edit I just woke up and I'm beyond shocked at all the responses this has gotten I'm on the bus and I'm in tears from the outpouring of emotional support thank you to each and every one of you for sharing your stories and advice I will be replying to each of you personally I'm on my way to my second therapy appointment right now ready it's the first time away from baby in two weeks I'm getting the help I desperately need edit - I'm trying my best to get back to each and every one of you I just got home from therapy and then once again alone with my daughter so it will take some time she already seems happier and more calm now that I've had some time away and feel calm and myself I want everyone to know how much I appreciate every single comment I have gotten it means the world to me I was so afraid to post this and now I see my fears were unfounded - those of you sending me negative PM's and comments I hope you find a way to turn around your negative attitude towards people I took my B C as directed to a tee I was in a more responsible adults I'm 27 in a long-term committed relationship with a man who wanted to marry me up the moment I told him I was pregnant not everything in life is black and white accidents happen and you have to do what you can to make the best of it edit 3 thank you for the gold kind stranger I've shared my story before but this is a good thread to share again I want to start that I don't resent my water or held any ill-will towards her she is my world I love her and I will do anything for her she's here she's real and looking back and getting upset over what happened isn't going to help us now I do regret going through with the pregnancy I engaged in risky six to deal with my troubles and my number finally came I was home on leave when I took the test because I knew when it showed pregnant I decided I would get an abortion the father of the child go stood out two weeks after I told him he wanted an abortion but would not help me with the cost he was still in Korea so he couldn't physically help me get to the nearest provider over 100 miles away there were other reasons that I don't feel like going into that right now I was staying with my family and I knew they would resent me if they learned that I aborted their first grandchild so I went to my close friend and neighbor and asked him to drive me to the clinic and uses very pointment as a cover up he and his wife guilted me into carrying the child to term and agreed to adopt it I was an emotional wreck I was at a new base with new people who viewed me as little more summer lazy NOx absolute because I could not perform my full duties every night I cried myself to sleep and every morning I exhausted myself pretending that everything was okay at six months of pregnancy I decided that if I couldn't do it anymore I called my mom told her I was pregnant ended the adoption and began the process of voluntarily separating from the Air Force I regret not going through with the abortion because I have up a lot for my daughter I've had to give up my dreams and the lifestyle I wanted because I want to care for and provide for my daughter she makes me very happy but when things get especially tough I can't help but wonder how things could have been if I never had her or kept her don't know if anyone will see this but here is mine I met my G /f after high school we were together for a year GARP then got back together again after a four-year hiatus things were not the same except I was too blind and naive to see it G /f was hooked on pills in heroine tried to help her kick the habit and went to methadone during this time we had been having unprotected sex but she claimed to know her cycle during this time she was having irregular periods lo and behold she ended up pregnant and was too far along to have an abortion we told my parents who are highly Catholic she had no real family herself and even though I was still in love with her I never wanted to have kids ever that she wanted to have a kid with someone she loved and basically I was outvoted by my parents and G /f I resent them both so much even though my parents told me they would help us out in any way in raising her things were okay for a while but after she gave birth I was the one with most of the responsibility C my G /f became a user again after she gave birth and one of the most jarring memories of those early years with my daughter was when I was playing with her in the bedroom after my G /f told me she was going to take a shower I don't know what but something didn't feel right I took my daughter to the living room where my parents and sister were we had to move back in with my parents since I was the only one making any income and proceeded to pick the lock on the bathroom door I see my G / F facedown on the bathroom floor pants down to her ankle and needle sticking out of her arm I don't know if it was shock or I simply was too mad to have any other emotion but I calmly closed the door picked her lifeless body off the ground and look at her blue face I slapped her a good few times telling her to breathe and wake up finally her body jerks and she starts coming to I then go back out walk past my family and sister who are playing with my daughter grab the cordless phone and call nine one I go back to the restroom and help her up she is becoming more aware of the situation and says how sorry she is and that she is feeling alright I get her dressed and walk her back to the room I try to call back the operator but I hear a knock on the door I calmly tell the police that the situation is handled and luckily for me they walk away my parents still don't know that they almost had someone die in their home but point being things never worked out she ended up in prison eventually not long after for a year which I lived at my family's raising my daughter over the years I was the only one with the job even after she came back to live with me and my family she finally kicked heroin once and for all after that but she's always had a history with drugs and has never once held a job for over a decade finally after years of resentment building up and promises broke and I moved out on my own and left my daughter with my parents I was scared to live on my own I didn't know if I could do it or earn enough money to support both me and my daughter my G /f couldn't stand my parents and left to live with her mom I do love my daughter and still see her frequently plus call her she is now 10 years but I'm still trying to get my life straight I don't have a college diploma in 35 years old I want to go back to school and we'll finally try this spring that I hope him not so far gone I did have some college but I'm afraid I'm going to have to relearn a lot my ex and I love our daughter and she is still in her life but I've made my choice clear to her that we can never be together so much resentment exists I hope no one has to feel like they don't have a voice be /c I felt this for far too long I'm trying to get the help I need in therapy and have come to terms that for now my daughter is best living with her grandparents and I will try and be there as much as possible I never wanted kids used to make fun of people who did at such a young age and always claimed I won't end up like them funny enough she is the one thing keeping me here I have thought about giving up but it always scares me to know that my religious overbearing family or my problematic ex who is currently couchsurfing at the moment would have on her future and without my influence I hate the fact that now she has to go through these experiences and it makes me sad when I make her aware that her mom and dad can't be together or that she can't stay with me in my one-bedroom apartment I don't really know what to do but keep moving forward and hope things turn out okay I feel guilty but I still want to experience life and friends since I was basically a stay at home dad during my twenties and took care of my G /f the other half hopefully this helps someone else out there in some way and if anyone has any input in willingly to listen was anyone out there raised by their grandparents but still had contact with their parents I gotta say I was pretty worried about reading through these but instead I'm just sad as a foster parent I deal every day with kids who were neglected and hurt beyond words by parents who should never have children just this Sunday I missed a call by my boys little sister she doesn't live with us she secretly called me so I could hear their mother abusing them I picked up the voicemail an hour later and instantly felt sick the screaming and smashing and crying in the hate I don't think I can ever ever ever forget what that woman was screaming at her kids and I don't know how her daughter will ever forget either I have the moment where she tells her daughter that she hates her that she doesn't want her that she wants her to go away forever and stay in foster care forever and then the moment where it becomes physical I know that it doesn't matter how much love is poured into that little girl those words and those actions will haunt her for a very long time I wanted to be a mom for my whole life tens of thousands of dollars were spent on fertility treatments and there was a lot of heartache I would give my right [ __ ] arm to have my own babies instead we raise someone else's as our own try desperately to make a difference try to heal broken little hearts and then hand them back when some government worker who is sick and tired of the same [ __ ] decides it's time we try reunification again rinse repeat if you don't want kids don't have them and of do not have children if you aren't prepared to live it walk the [ __ ] away be selfish really be selfish and walk away I can guarantee you that walking away the S being there when you don't want them that child is a million times better off parenting is hard it's the worst [ __ ] job you will ever have at times currently on four hours sleep in the past two days because of our youngest will not sleep because of his nightmares trust me I know it's [ __ ] it's also the most amazing job in the world too I can tell you your kids will know they know if you love them they know if you don't they know if you want them they know if you don't for those that have said they were unwanted I'm so sorry no one should ever feel unwanted by the people who are supposed to love you first and forever it's not supposed to be that way my wife and I had a crazy fast relationship proposed after 10 months married after 17 months kid after 20 months yeah my wife is an amazing mother buy more in the mediocre territory I didn't spend all too much time with my son outside of feeding and holding the first year he was fine it was just boring to be honest after the first year holy [ __ ] it was awesome and fun and he wanted to be like me everything I did he'd watch and just be amazed and then try to duplicate we made faces together and gave them names and I could recite them and he put them back on at 16 months he was an entertainer with a sizable repertoire for entertainment also at 16 months his little brother was born people say my first son as me made over but he and my wife had a special connection he spent all his time with me but if he got hurt he'd go to my wife my second son was the opposite because I now knew that eventually it had be a lot more fun I spent every chance I could holding cooing playing and talking to my second son he looked exactly like my wife and his eyes were ghoul squinty and Eli and with stubborn and be even smelled like my wife when he'd go with my dad or another relatively had this super special smile for me and only me when he saw me he'd freak out and start jumping and try to lunge towards me I invested myself completely emotionally in this baby because I knew even at the worst of times after a year had got so so so much better last June 30th he turned 1 July 1st he died by ligature asphyxiation it was a freak accident when he was at the sitter's and fell asleep in the car seat she didn't want to wake him up so she moved the car seat into the bedroom I don't blame her with let both our boys sleep in their car seats I think almost anyone with kids has I regret pretty much everything I know it's only been two months but I try and I just can't generate anything in my first only son I love him but it's not the same not even the same with him as it was before and he deserves better I'm not suicidal but I do feel like sometimes I don't want to deal with anything my wife is amazing and our marriage is stronger than ever that she deserves better she looks so much like I youngest deadest son that it's hard to look at her I feel like all my adventurers have been had my first only son is all that really matters now I bounced between wanting to relive every memory I had with my youngest deadest son and regretting the whole thing i think i whould rather just not been as invested and i think it world hurt a little less not sure I was I think a manipulation tactic on the part of mine secure codependent mother to keep my father around their relationship was dysfunctional and violent and my mom got pregnant before they're married I think my parents had some dim sense of wanting children but not really knowing why or the implications for my entire life parenting was something my parents picked up and put down sporadically and unpredictably they were and are incredibly self-centered people with their priorities terribly out of order my father defined fatherhood by being a ruthless violent tyrant as a means of disciplining me and my half-sister my mother's daughter who he hated the rest of the time he was drowning at the completion of a 24 pack of cows nightly after which he would go into rages breaking belongings in our house and smacking around my mother sister and myself he frequently abandoned us leaving for weeks or sometimes months at a time without making any contact with my mother or his daughter my mother never single for a day since she was 16 had and has no self-identity as such she was desperately insecure the ideal wife for an abusive alcoholic her time was consumed with defending my half-sister from my father and trying to appease my father and keep him from leaving her noticing that I was above average in smarts my mother made me her personal therapist from the time I was four she was never emotionally available to me or my sister I was born six weeks premature my father was present at my birth he disappeared the next day called my mother and told her he didn't want to bond with me and then have her take me away from him like his ex took my half-brother my mother so distraught by my father's abandonment of her refused to help or feed her infant daughter that's it in a nutshell I was unwanted or at least that's the impression I've been given my parents married after my father not my mother up they were 23 and 16 respectively my father was a drug-dealing scum bag with a pre dilections or younger girls and my mother was the kind of on sorry ah / ater who was easily taken in via a line of [ __ ] it was made clear to me from a young age that my father wasn't interested in being a parent there were long stretches of time where he was never around because he was either in jail out carousing with his Colombian drug cartel friends or shacking up with the absolutely worse women you can think of we are talking the epitome of crack [ __ ] my saint of a grandmother was largely the caretaker of my younger brother and I I can still remember clinging to her leg in the middle of the night crying and covered in piss and vomit as she pleaded with my father to come home and help her with this severely ill child he flat-out refused and hung up on her if you've noticed my mother has been absent from this sob story it's to illustrate the nature of her presence through my childhood absent after losing custody of my brother and I largely due to my father's willingness to use us as a weapon in his quest for vengeance after their divorce she disappeared from our lives and only made token appearances in contact for some holidays and birthdays it [ __ ] me up but I still have cripplingly low self-esteem and other issues exacerbated clinical depression my father cleaned his act up after witnessing someone getting executed and having a 40 odd year jail sentence hanging over his head after selling coke to our undercover cop he's tried to make amends in his own way but I can't say that I love my father or respects him much my relationship with both my parents is very much a surface-level affair were their more casual friends than the people who created me do yourself and your potential children a favor if you don't want kids then have the relevant procedure done to prevent it no one should have to suffer the emotional burden of being a living breathing reminder of your past mistakes because you're too goddamned irresponsible with your body I don't think I've ever told this story start to finish I was in my sophomore year of college and I met an amazing girl she was older than me 21 to my 18 and she was just amazing not only beautiful but she had a quick wit a lively intellect and this wonderful sense of mischief she was a rare individual breathtaking in mind and body she wanted very badly to get pregnant and start a real life and I'm the sort of guy that could be perfectly happy being a husband and father at 18 I proposed to her on a lazy autumn afternoon and she said yes a few weeks later she reveals that she was independently wealthy millions in trust and she'd never have to work we spent the days having sex like only Randy teenagers can do we made grant plans we picked kids names and spent weeks just sharing the joy of young love she got pregnant after a month of trying and we were both completely over the moon I can only describe the next four weeks as perfect happiness it was like I wrap myself in blanket of pure joy then something went wrong I don't actually know 100% what it was the whole doctor's visit has been fussed over in my memory somehow the pregnancy was bad the egg implanted in a fallopian tube there was an ER visit and something went wrong there too a few hours later 19 year old me was talking to some ER doctor I was completely shell-shocked to this day I can't tell you what that doctor looked like he told me that because of the pregnancy and the surgery my fiance would never be able to have children again that's a really perfect autumn filled with love and plans and joy changed into a cold bitter winter I do not remember if that winter was especially cold or if it's just my memory of it as I stood over she was in the hospital for a week people came to visit but like the rest this is mostly a haze to me the memories are all fast over we tried to keep things together but two months after she got out of the hospital we broke up she loved me and I loved her but the incident had created this chasm between us that neither of us had the life experience to overcome I dropped out of college and we both moved to different states we just wanted to get away from the pain and memories of that place I think I've never seen or heard from her again I still love fall in Montana but whenever the wind starts to chill and the leaves begin to change a dark shadow seems to fall over me for a week or two even though that was 15 years ago and I'm now very happily married with an amazing daughter I have no deeper regret in life than that pregnancy I don't have children but I know my parents reasons I for one was a mistake my parents married late in life late 30s and I'm pretty sure they never wanted any children they have never said that to me but the emphasis my mother always puts on we weren't even trying when you were conceived is enough to know that I wasn't in their plans once I was born though they of course loved me two years later they tried for another child at this point my mom was in her early 40s my brother comes into the world and everything seems hunky-dory my brother grows up 1 2 3 years old and they start to notice things are off with him mentally as he gets older he has some muscle issues he isn't talking things become apparent that something is wrong specialists and doctors galore mind you I'm around 6 to 7 years old at this point so I don't remember too much I remember my parents being furious when a doctor says he's mister it would be years before I realize that meant mentally [ __ ] they got second opinions and eventually they just considered him mildly autistic and that's the term I've always used since well until this summer this summer he got genetic testing come to find out he has a very rare genetic mutation that affects mental development the kicker it's sex linked which means any son my parents might have had would have this genetic malformation the ultimate kicker there is a 50% chance that any daughter my parents had would be a carrier of the disorder guess who has the carrier gene this girl it wasn't until this emotional summer that a lot came out about my parents that I didn't know a lot of moral things my mom felt it was all her fault and would repeat that if she knew this in the 90s than she would have aborted I don't think either of my parents would ever use the word regret at least not to me but I know this isn't the life they wanted my brother has been nothing but a time and money suck he can't go to college he can't do anything can you see my bitterness poking its ugly head but when it comes down to it my parents would never do this again not in a million years I just know it's taken too much out of them it ruined our family I think my dad regretted having kids he has a daughter one of my older sisters from a marriage before my mother I kinda remember growing up with him and it was great he was my daddy I'd sit on his lap while we watched TV and mom baked something army brat and she did the housewife thing the cause of all the moving we did when I was around 6/7 he started staying away longer than I remembered him doing before long story short he was leaving us after our most current move and no one actually told me about the divorce things just kind of progressed and that was supposed to have pretty decent visitation rights other and later in life that the ripes were pushed by my mom who wanted him in my life he had gotten everything good in the divorce like the new furniture the new car etc why because he threatened my mom saying he'd take me if she tried to get anything that he didn't want to give her growing up he skipped out on visiting a lot slash brought me back really early when I was around 8/9 I just fell apart because my daddy didn't want anything to do with me I used to be close with his side of the family but as I grew older I stopped trying to get contact between my dad and I well his family kind of blames me for our lack of a relationship I got a huge guilt trip from my grandmother about a past Father's Day when I was 16 or so I did try living with him when I was 15 but it only lasted about four months he didn't know how to be a dad because he hadn't raised his other daughter and hadn't stuck around much for me and his wife was kinda horrible I had to label my food slash asked what I was allowed slash wasn't allowed to eat slash drink she made fun of my weight I was healthy and a size 12 / 14 at that time etc last time I actually saw slash talk to my dad I was 18 it was at his father's funeral and it was horrible I loved my grandfather he was the best man in my life but my dad just made everything worse / awkward I understand he was going through stuff I really do but was very snarky with my mother for no reason he ignored me and pretty much refused to let me sit with the family whereas he welcomed the new gf of his oldest nephew I'm 23 now and have no idea where he even is I think I do but only because one of the last places I worked and he came in but he didn't know I saw him I freaked out and hid in the back of the store until he slashed his wife left my ex is probably the biggest cut [ __ ] in the world we decided to have a kid only a week later to think it was a bad idea but that was too late we split up during the pregnancy got back together later on and split up again when the kid Mayo started to get more attached to me than her she would guilt trip me about it she worked overnight and slept during the day I spent most the time with him when he was awake it's only natural that he would lean my direction this crap drove her crazy among other problems she has after we broke up she became extremely difficult to work with I didn't see the kid for months on end and I didn't have the money for a lawyer I spent months stressing out over it losing my hair hating the world et Cie I finally did start seeing him after I threatened her with the legal involvement but she kept it basically to 6 hours a week it was such a hassle dealing with her I couldn't hate anything more in the world than her I would stay up for days because once I tried to relax and sleep my own busy mind would go crazy with anger I felt towards her time with him went from being cherished to being a burden everyone that knew me and how hard I tried working with her hated her for being the selfish [ __ ] she is all she has ever been concerned with his/her own self even though my side of the family numbered in the hundreds literally hundreds and five generations maybe only 10% of those got to see him and everybody wanted to she thought that we didn't deserve time with him only her closed minded friends and three whole family members rated 99 percent of his time and attention after two years of trying a not succeeding and being pissed off at the world trying to explain to her that she was only hurting him I finally walked away from the situation I never really regretted not having a kid however I regretted her being the person I had a kid with now that I'm not involved with her which means I'm not involved with him I honestly couldn't be happier things are working out for me I'm not angry anymore and I feel like I don't have a burden on my shoulders regarding the issue there's sometimes I still wish I could punch her in the face for being the most ignorant woman on the planet I'm glad I don't have a child I'm glad that the woman I'm with now doesn't want one either I wasted years of my time on that crazy witch and her child I'm sincerely glad that I don't have a child anymore there is a small part of me that would find the whole thing bittersweet if he grows up and realizes what kind of country really is and he looks for me to hear me and my family's side of the story unlike her we won't have to lie to make her look like the person she really is thank you so much for watching the whole video please leave a like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

Views: 11,067

Rating: 4.818182 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, askreddit creepy stories, toadfilms, reddit and chill, middle school, middle school cringe, teacher, pupil, parrents, tantrum, askreddit friends, askreddit secrets, askreddit parents, family secrets, askreddit kids

Id: LZaFpFXB-10

Length: 32min 18sec (1938 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 30 2019