Marriage: It's a Covenant, Not a Contract // Dr. Tony Evans // Marriage Night 2023

[Applause] thank you thank you good evening I'm delighted to be here at Lake Pointe and to have this privilege here and in the various campuses thank you past Howerton I'm delighted to be with you he called asked if I believed in free speech I said yes he said come give one so I'm uh I'm very grateful for this opportunity to be here he asked me to come and talk about talk about marriage communication about a challenging subject today communication the job of the encoder the sender of the message is to reach the decoder the receiver of the message without the message being Lost in Translation so I'm supposed to talk to you a little bit about marriage tonight um and I don't want anything I say to get lost or get confused because I don't want to be like the guy who was in Chicago and it got like real cold he couldn't stay there any longer so he went to hot sunny Florida his wife was wearing a business trip he wanted to email her tell her don't come back to Chicago it's too cold he wanted her to meet him in Florida so he was emailing her about this change of venue from her business trip but unfortunately people got her email address and instead of the email going to his wife it went to a little old lady in Iowa she was a pastor's wife and her husband had just died the day before so if she's Mourning and when she reads the mistaken email she faints and falls on the floor the loved ones who were there to comfort her at our loss came in saw on the floor I wondered what had happened then they read the mistaken email first line said my dearest darling just want you to know I've arrived safely second line said looking forward to you joining me tomorrow sign your loving husband P.S Shores hot down here so it's very important that um we communicate you know marriage is uh marriages are tough today you know it's some look at it as a three-ring circus you know engagement ring wedding ring suffering it just a challenge one lady said I was looking for the ideal it became an ordeal so now I want a new deal so you know people are not wanting to stay married long as like the pastor who was marrying this couple and he said if there's anybody here who disagrees that this relationship should happen speak now forever hold your peace a voice rang out I disagree Pastor said shut up you're the groom you can't be disagreeing you ain't been here long enough and then you know some people just don't know how to deal with you know some grief as a guy he was there at the uh in the cemetery and he was banging on the tombstone Why Did You Have To Die Why Did You Have To Die Why Did You Have To Die Why Did You Have To Die a man who was standing next to him and said oh I'm sorry you lost your wife no you say this is my wife's first husband Why Did You Have To Die see no marriage is uh on High Times these days some years ago I had a problem in my home had a problem in my home there was a crack on the wall in my bedroom there's a crack on the wall in my bedroom I called a painter over to fix the crack in my plaster he came over took off the old put up the new repainted it I paid him all of well but a month later the crack reappeared so a little bit evangelically ticked off I called him back and said there's a a crack on my wall he came back he said I don't know how this happened but he redid it I was happy but about 40 Days Later the crack reappeared this time with his nieces nephews uncle's aunts and cousins I had a family of cracks on my bedroom wall so I figured I needed me a new painter so I got a new guy to come over and said look I got this problem can you fix it he looked at it and he stared at it he looked at it he stared at it he looked at it he stared at it he said I'm sorry I can't help you I said but wait a minute isn't this what you do he says it's what I do but I can't help you I said well why can't you help me he says because you don't have a problem with cracks on your wall so I looked at the crack in front of me who was telling me I didn't have a problem with cracks on my wall I said wait a minute you see a crack I see a crack All God's Children see a crack there's a crack on my wall he said there's a crack on your wall but that's not your problem he says those cracks are your symptoms he says your problem is you have a shifting Foundation the foundation under your house is moving so what you see on your wall are symptoms of a deeper problem he says until you solidify your foundation you will forever be doing patchwork on your wall today there are all kind of cracks in our relationships divorce has become normalized not only in the culture but in the Kingdom and in all shapes and manner relationships are fraying bringing about repercussions in the structure not only of our children but our churches and our society at Large we could spend 20 25 hours talking about all the idiosyncratic elements of marriage and family that I want to condense this tonight down to one word at the end of my time they'll show you if you want more material how you can get it but I want to take 25 hours and I want to condense it to one word it is the defining word and it is the one word that if you get it grab it understand it and implement it can transform any scenario in any relationship no matter how many cracks are on the wall of your relationship if any at all in Malachi 2 14 [Music] God uses this word he says she is Your Wife by Covenant she is your wife by Covenant they were talking about divorce in Malachi too it says the reason you can't end this relationship is she is your mate by Covenant this is the theological hermeneutical exegetical expositional word that is the foundation of marriage whenever God wanted to establish Something official in the Bible with his people he would covenantalize it and so you read about the abrahamic Covenant the davidic Covenant the Palestinian Covenant the New Covenant Covenant Covenant Covenant Covenant Covenant a covenant is defined as a divinely created relational Bond Covenant is a divinely created relational Bond it is where God was establishing Something official between himself and Mankind by which he would operate the reason why you have to understand the word covenant is covenants have warranties when you buy an appliance you get a warranty which means that the manufacturer will stand behind the product if something goes wrong because it's under warranty but the warranty can be voided by using the product other than what it was created for covenants have Divine warranty because covenants are divinely created bonds as long as the Covenant is operating by means of the purpose for which it is created God stands behind the warranty the moment it is not operating that way the warranty can be voided and therefore relationships dissolve and all other manner of Chaos in our homes in our families and in our relationships covenants are very powerful they are absolutely powerful one of the great stories in the Bible is first Samuel 17. David and Goliath if I were to ask you how did David kill Goliath some would say faith in God some would say a slingshot most would not say this Goliath was nine foot six inches tall he had never been defeated he was the champion he had on over 100 pounds of armor and it caused all the men in Israel it says to flee because he terrorized them for 40 days and 40 nights he came out threatening and daring any man to approach him here comes a teenager named David and in verse 26 and in verse 36 he says the same thing twice he says who is this uncircumcised Philistine who had taunt the armies of the Living God while all the other men fearing him looked up here David looked down there and said he ain't been to the doctor that boy ain't been cut in other words he has not been covenantally covered a covenant is a covering it is like holding an umbrella over your head when it is raining the umbrella does not stop it from raining it just stops it from raining on you because it provides a covering so covenants provide covering and they are designed for God to step in to the situation by means of His official relationship to it because uh covenants our kingdom administrative mechanisms by which God operates in history if you're here today and you have accepted Jesus Christ you're part of the New Covenant you're part of this Divine covering by his sacrificial life and the blood he says she is Your Wife by Covenant so what you need to understand is one word and that is marriage is a covenant that's more than a contract because you can have a contract without a personal relationship you cannot have a covenant without one it says she is Your Wife by Covenant that means you need to understand how a covenant Works we've defined it but how does it work and how does it work for me or you or us every time you see a covenant all covenants have five ingredients all covenants have these same five ingredients and when these ingredients are operating Under the Umbrella of the word covenant there is covering and there is empowerment because you are in the Covenant number one all covenants biblical Covenants are transcendent that's a big theological word that simply means they are God or authored and God ordained they come from another realm Transcendent means outside of this realm it descends from another realm or to put it in everyday language marriage is God's idea marriage is not a humanly established institution it is for humans but not established by humans because it is transcendent meaning God came up with the idea this is why God says in Matthew 19 let not man put asunder what God has joined together don't go to the church for marriage and then go to the court for divorce in other words if God doesn't give you a legitimate reason for divorce but he was the one who okayed your marriage you can't go to a man to disavow what God himself has established because it is transcendent so to understand Transcendence then we have to go back to the origin of marriage the origin of marriage is established in Genesis 1 Genesis 2. and we're given three reasons for it first of all we're told it was established for reflection that is we're going to create man and woman in our own image an image is a mirror so we want them to mirror us who's the US let us make man that you want to mirror well the godhead since he uses the plural well what is the godhead the godhead is God the Father God the son God the Holy Spirit one God composed the three co-equal persons who is distinctive personality while simultaneously being one in essence the father's not the son the son is not the spirit it's like a pretzel with three holes first hole is not second hole second hole is not the third hole but they're all tied together by the same Doe okay they all possess divine nature but how did God manifest himself on earth oh well we start out with the father then we hit the gospels God sends the son then the son leaves we leave the church age so now the son sends the spirit so even though all three are equal they process themselves in history in different time frames so when God created marriage he didn't create man and woman at the same time he framed them he creates man out of the man he creates woman out of the woman comes the child why because he wants to traumatize family and so he does it to mirror him as reflection then there is replication be fruitful and multiply but what exactly are we multiplying we're not merely multiplying look-alikes so that we can have someone come from us who looks like us we're multiplying His image so the idea of the multiplication is that there would be the generational manifestation of God as families spread so that if you have four children and one goes to the west coast East Coast one goes north south east and west the replication of God has traveled with them through the parenting process so there is reflection there is replication and then there is ruling ruling he says and let them rule the word is Dominion let them operate on my behalf in history now without getting too uh didactical and too technical the whole concept is that God created man in the physical so that the spiritual could become visible in time and space so what he did was he created Mankind in order that he could reflect himself as he does in the spiritual realm down into the Physical Realm so the first thing you need to know is that he is that covenants are Transcendent that means they are God authored and therefore only God defined which is why you can't have gay marriage because that's not God defined okay Okay so the second aspect of marriage of Covenant all covenants are hayochial and hierarchying is a chain of command it's a way we operate God created Adam there was no woman in God's economy there would never be a single person singlehood only exists because sin exists without sin there'd be no death without sin there'd be no widows like or widowers like myself without sin there'd be no divorce only sin did that but God established a process by means of a chain of command by creating Adam before he created Eve because he would hold the man responsible it would be the man he would hold responsible so when he creates man when he creates in Genesis 1 he uses the Hebrew word Elohim that means strong one will create a god in Genesis chapter one you will only see the name Elohim down to you get to Genesis chapter 2 verse 4. now you get a compound name it's Yahweh Elohim the Lord God the Lord God the Lord God you'll never see that in chapter one but you will only see that in Chapter 2 beginning with verse 4 the Lord God Elohim power Lord L capital O capital r capital D in your English Bible is Yahweh that's his relational name whenever he wanted to covenantalize something he would use Yahweh so that's the Lord God because he's entering into relationship with a human being he gives Adam a job he tells him to tend the garden and he gives him he gives them uh trees it gives them trees and he says from every tree of the god you may freely eat except the tree in the middle of the garden the Google tree that's the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil it's the information center it's a Google tree so I want to tell the man because there is no woman yet I want to tell the man you are to live by Revelation not by human reason I don't know I do not want you to make your decisions based on human reason that conflict with divine revelation and when you do that you will believe in Freedom because the first use of the word free is used by God in the garden not by America in 1776. so he gives him instruction he tells them to name the animals it's part of the Dominion God didn't name him God brought him the man had to name them because we act with what God brings so now God goes and Fashions a woman he puts the man to sleep he takes out his side so now Adam is half the man he used to be because half of him is now missing this whole side is gone the Hebrew word rib is technically the word side so he takes over and he Fashions the woman now when he made Adam he threw dirt together he uses a different Hebrew word when he made Eve he fashioned her so when a man says about a woman she sure is built he's being very biblical at that point now God plays Cupid he brings her to him he brings her to him and Adam names her that's where we get the woman taking the man's name Adam names her Adam's name is e She names her Isha Hebrew the feminine form of each and then he performs the marriage vows and in the marriage vows the man leaves his father and mother he Cleaves sticks Like Glue to his wife and the two become one they don't become the same but they do become one why because the Trinity is Unified the Trinity only operates in unity other than at the cross so the whole point of marriage whenever I do a marriage vow and a do a wedding and uh and the the couple blow out their candle and light the unity candle I say no no no no no you don't blow out your candle you don't lose your uniqueness it's that your uniqueness now Blends into a common purpose so you don't you don't you don't lose your identity you just take your identity toward a common goal the father doesn't become the son the son to become the father but we take our uniqueness and we uniform it toward a common goal so he performs a marriage vow and I'll say something about unity in a moment because that's a critical part of this but he says that there is now going to be a chain of command in chapter three Satan shows up and his one goal is to break the chain that's his goal so he skips Adam he doesn't want to talk to the man he wants to talk to Eve Eve becomes the leader decision maker Adam becomes the responder roles are flipped and all hell breaks loose and the reason why uh Rose a flip is because when Satan comes into the garden he says hath God said he does not say hath the Lord God said because he doesn't mind you having Elohim as long as you don't have Yahweh he doesn't mind you going to church as long as there's no covenantal relationship and so he got them to disavow the Covenant he got Adam and Eve Rose to flip and when God came looking for them he did not say Adam and Eve where are y'all he said Adam where are you because it would be the man held responsible the Bible says when God talks about his Covenant in the Old Testament he says I am the god of Abraham Isaac and Jacob he never says I am the god of Sarah Rebecca and Rachel that's not because he was against women it was because he would hold the man responsible First Corinthians 11 verse 3 says Christ is under God every man is under Christ a woman is under a man he's talking about a chain of command this is not related to equality of being it's related to distinction of function when Jesus Christ was on Earth he says I've come to do my father's will when Jesus said the Holy Spirit the holy spirit says I come to glorify Christ the Holy Spirit glorifies Christ glorifies the father and everybody's operating on that chain inconsistency with the word of God the moment you break the chain you lose the blessing now he says Adam I'm going to give you a help mate the Hebrew word is easier to connect though easier connecto means essential collaborator not cook bottle washer and baby maker I'm going to give you an essential collaborator because remember half of you is missing so if you want to get the half that's missing back you got to get more than you lost so I'm going to take your part half I'm going to take it and make another person but I'm going to give them what you didn't have that you lost so when you get what you lost back you're going to get what you never had back because she will be essential to you being what I created you to be so any man who does not listen to his wife's heart feels her emotion get her thoughts invite her viewpoint is automatically going to be flawed because he's not getting the benefit of the new creation God brought him so the hierarchy is not an oppressive one it's an operative one where the two together are able to function under Divine mandate but there is a change Adam where are you and he even said because you listen to your wife in other words even your mate is not supposed to overrule me because you're under my Covenant one time my late wife and I were on a a trip we were on a trip and we were going to um we're going somewhere and and I'm executive Platinum of you know flies speak around the country and so I've got the miles to upgrade I said would you would you upgrade it because you can get a companion upgrade so I said would you upgrade my wife to fly uh uh In First Class if you have two seats she said yes we do have two seats so we'll upgrade then they said um oh I'm so sorry I can't upgrade your wife I said why not I qualify for an upgrade you have two seats say yeah I do have two seats and you do qualify for an upgrade but I can't upgrade her I said but she's my wife she's your wife but I can't upgrade her I said why she said because you have two different locator numbers the only way it works is if you have a shared locator number and because her locator number is different even though she's on the flight she can't piggyback as your companion see you can be married but have different locator numbers you're not operating in sync with God's order and if you're not operating in sync with God's order the benefit that God wants to bring to the relationship he cannot bring because you're not operating covenantally you're not operating under the arrangement now for you ladies don't get upset because your husband is not the last say so the Bible says wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord so the moment he steps out of line with the Lord he has stepped out of legitimate authority over you if he's a Christian husband and violating that's why men get upset my wife won't submit to me that's because they see us submitting to nobody see they supposed to be seeing us submit to the Lord so that they know what submission looks like [Applause] [Music] they should see you leading in prayer they should see you leading trying to discern God's will they should see you operating bibliocentrically in your relationship because they have been created to respond but they need the right stimulus to respond in the right way so the first thing is all all the covenants are transcend this second thing all covenants are hierarchical there is a chain of command and a structural order Bible even says parents over children of course thirdly all covenants have rules governing guidelines by which they operate so we're going to ball it down to two rules we could go home we could deal with this on all kinds of ways but we're going to do two rules Ephesians 533 husbands love your wives wives see to it that your reverence respect your husbands love and respect everything boils down to those two words now those are easy words to use harder words to do first of all there's no command in the Bible for a woman to love her husband none Titus Chapter 2 says older women teach the younger women how to love her husband but that's an indicative it's not an imperative there is a command for a man to love his wife so that means we got to Define love because I know we lose love for everything I love chocolate cake I love ice cream I love you know biblical love is the decision it is the decision to righteously compassionately and sacrificially seek the well-being of another biblical love is the decision whether or not it's accompanied by the emotions biblical love is the decision for God so loved the world he gave it was a decision to righteously compassionately sacrificially seek the well-being of another how did Jesus love us he died on the cross for our sins so if you're still alive you're not finished yet it is sacrifice sacrificial unto death so here's the deal the greatest of you should be your servant you have the greater responsibility so if you write a list of all you do for her down and all she does for you if her list is longer than your list you're out of order because the greatest of you should be your servant so she should feel your servanthood she should feel you go the extra mile for her well-being she should feel see here that her well-being joy happiness stability is your highest concern because love will demonstrate it not just articulate it biblical love is where you decide that's why we can be commanded to love our enemies because it's not necessarily it's nice when it is tied to your emotions woman is called to respect that is hold and high esteem and honor you see a woman's need is in her heart but a man's needed in his head we call an ego he has one get used to it men have such big eagles they will lie to themselves to make them feel better about themselves you are to feed it you are to feed his ego he is to feed your heart but you are to feed his head first Peter 3 chapter 3 verse 6 says like Sarah who called Abraham Lord she called Abraham Lord she verbally declared his position she verbally affirmed his post he should know from your lips and your life he is held in highest esteem yes you are the king of our castle and I follow you as you follow Christ in fact when Sarah called Abraham Lord she got pregnant at 90. that's sooner too if you go back to Genesis as soon as she called him Lord in fact she said she said when the God said you're going to get pregnant she said am I going am I going have pleasure at my Lord she said hey 100 years old Super Viagra can't help him [Applause] now I know what some of you ladies are saying I ain't trying to get pregnant up in here no what she got was a miracle that's what she got when she took her legitimate legitimate position of respect she got a miracle if you're dishonoring to your husband don't bother to pray for a miracle or if you refuse to love your wife that's why First Peter chapter 3 verse 7 says if a husband and wife are in Discord tell the husband don't pray God not listening so that's why Satan wants to bring conflict in your home to keep God away because he knows that the unified God won't make himself home in a disunified environment so he creates this unity in order for God to stay away foreign so it's love and respect is massaging a heart while massaging a head and so it's rules then fourthly all covenants have sanctions these are the blessings and cursings that come with submission to the Covenant Deuteronomy 29 9 says I give you this Covenant that you might be favored in other words if you operate according to the Covenant then the warranty brings blessing if you operate outside of the Covenant then the Covenant brings cursing or loss of favor unanswered prayer loss of victory that's why he says in First Peter chapter excuse me First Corinthians chapter 5 verse 7 if a husband and wife have a great need in their life then they are to put aside the bedroom sexual intimacy and going fasting and prayer to the Lord in order for there to be divine intervention but they must do it by agreement they must be unified for God to enter into that home and do something Supernatural that's why Satan wants to keep Unity away so the sanctions have to do with the warranty being voided or the warranty being enforced finally the last part of every Covenant is continuity or we say inheritance covenants are generational Covenant so that's why I'm the god of Abraham Isaac and Jacob covenants are not not just for you they're generational the reason why we're having all these problems today is the generational abandonment of the Covenant and so it's showing up in Generations now it's showing up in a nation going crazy now it's absolutely critical that you understand this is not just about you it's about your children and your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren and you need to fight for your marriage Nehemiah 4 14 the reason you need to fight for your family he says is because this has generational repercussions and if we don't fight for our marriages the generations are going to be in trouble as many of us have already seen I was raised in a I was born into a non-Christian home my mother and father were on their way to get a divorce when my father got saved my father accepted Christ when I was about 11 years old and his life was radically transformed he came home my mother didn't like him as a sinner but she couldn't stand him as a saint he would read his Bible late at night just to read it when she was sleep so she wouldn't give be giving him a hard time about this newfound faith close to a year later she came down the steps at midnight while he was reading his Bible and she said I don't get this the more I hate you the more you love me back the more I reject you the more you accept me I don't know what this is but this has been a long time now so it must be real how can I have it too my father then got on his knees and led my mother to Christ [Applause] my father my father then got the four of us I'm the oldest of four around and let us the four kids to Christ I become the first one to graduate from high school in urban Baltimore I wound up being the first one to go to college from college I wound up coming to Dallas going to Dallas Seminary and becoming the first African-American to earn a doctorate the the wait a minute he started a church with 10 people in my house my wife and I becomes ten thousand out of that people want tapes and books and stuff and the national Ministry is Born the urban alternative and so now I'm heard all over the world you know why because my daddy didn't give up when his marriage was in trouble [Applause] but not only that I heard my son was here last year Jonathan Evans many of you saw the movie War Room with my daughter Priscilla Shire my daughter Crystal has a large podcast my my my uh uh uh youngest son Jonathan uh is Chapel of the Cowboys which is why they lost by the way it's traveling Cowboys but what I'm saying is all because my daddy didn't give up when the going got tough that's why I'm at Lake Point tonight [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the key word is covenant my um my late wife we were married for almost 50 years before she was transitioned to Glory I know many of you here prayed for us during the most difficult time of our lives we lost eight family members in two years my father and wife died one month apart so I would go to Baltimore to take care of him come back here to take care of Lois and so we're talking back and forth but Lois was an awesome cook awesome cook on Sunday she would fix these huge meals rose potatoes green beans cornbread iced tea 7Up cake huge meals but but after we ate she became the Tupperware Queen because she wasn't going to do this again on Monday she took out Tupperware and put the leftovers from Sunday in the Tupperware put them in the refrigerator brought it out on Monday I remember seeing all one Monday take the tupperware take the take the food out of the Tupperware and put it in a casserole dish then she grated some cheese and sprinkled the grated cheese over the leftovers in the casserole dish then she took some cream of mushroom and poured the cream of mushroom over the grated cheese that was in the casserole dish she put it in the oven she brought it out that was the best stuff I ever had in my life you know what it was leftovers in the hands of a master so no matter what your situation is you give God what's left he knows how to dice it chop it put a little Holy Ghost over it and still serve you up a marriage worth it [Applause] so father bless these marriages as they enter into Covenant recognizing it belongs to you operating in the hierarchical proper hierarchical Arrangement abiding by the rules getting the blessing and then seeing it become an inheritance for the Next Generation thank you for this great church this great pastor and his wife all you're going to do for your glory and your kingdom in Jesus name all God's people said

Channel: Lakepointe Church

Views: 1,263,035

Keywords: religion, spirituality, christianity, parenting, family, teaching, #lpconnect, lake, pointe, LP, church, megachurch, non-denominational, big church, steve stroope, steve, stroope, josh, howerton, the bridge church, dallas church, texas church, Rockwall church, powerful sermons, jesus, bible, god, preaching, pastor

Id: cRptjonzx0o

Length: 42min 47sec (2567 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 28 2023