Marriage Advice with Lisa Bevere

what is your top five pieces of advice to anybody in their marriage early late wherever they're at and this is the top five welcome to loving fearlessly this is my home and I want to feel like you and I are sitting across the sofa talking to one another I had the privilege of having so many people participate they said we have questions that we would love to have you talk about or answer if we had an hour together you with you this is the one thing or this is the two things and in this session we're going to be talking about another way to love fearlessly I got a great question said what is your top five pieces of advice to anybody in their marriage early late wherever they're at and this is is the top five marriage advice first and foremost love fearlessly this is what we're talking about we're talking about love fearlessly this is the overarching theme what do you mean love fearlessly well perfected love has no fear so I'm asking you to actually look at your life and begin to separate love and fear just going to tell you in my own life John and I have been married 37 years and there's one thing I regret I wish I would have loved my husband more fearlessly early on I wish I wouldn't have held back and you think what what do you mean well see I came from a very broken family my parents were divorced not once but twice and so I didn't know what family looked like I had never seen it modeled and so I felt like kind of in the back of my mind I always thought all men will one day leave all men will one day disappoint don't give all of your heart because if you give all of your heart and they leave you'll have nothing left your life will be empty it'll be devastated it'll be utterly broken so you know what I did with my husband I loved him just a portion I wasn't all in I was like you know what I love you 70% now that didn't mean I wasn't nice to him but somehow he knew that I wasn't giving my all to him and so I reserved some pushed back a little bit was always the first one to start patting him when we hugged to push him away and he said to me you know Lisa I'm not your dad I'm not going to leave I don't know how long we are going to have to be married before you actually believe me that I'm not looking for a reason to leave you and I looked at him and I thought that is so unfair but I also knew he was right he said Lisa if we need to wait to we're 70 and you turn around and you look at me and say oh you're still here I expected you to leave 20 years ago he's like I'm okay with that but we are going to miss an awful lot of great times in the interim so I said all right you're completely correct and I got on my knees and I said God I don't know how to love fearlessly I don't know how to do this I need you to help me and you know what God wants me to love fearlessly and God wants you to love fearlessly and so I'm going to unack that a little deeper in the next section next thing so first love fearlessly and this is part of loving fearlessly forgive quickly forgive quickly I have learned that the longer it goes to resolve something the more reasons I have for not resolving it's grows in my mind it gets bigger you know I would when John I first married we'd go to bed I would still be mad at him and he would like do ridiculous things like pull off the bed spread stand up turn on all the lights and say we are going to work this out before we go to sleep we're not supposed to let the sun go down in our wrath and I would say you know what we started fighting but it was already dark I have until sundown tomorrow and he'd be like that's not scriptural I was looking for reasons to hold on and to not forgive quickly so I remember I would have bad dreams about him that night we'd have a fight I'd be like you were even mean in my dreams he'd be like I was not in your dreams I don't know what you're talking about and I would carry into my next day and I would be on edge forgive quickly that doesn't mean you'll have it all figured out that doesn't mean you'll have it all resolved it just means you've taken the first step forgive quickly decide I you know that really hurt me but I'm going to forgive you I'm going to believe the best in you I don't know how many of you have ever gone to God and said I am so sorry he has never said to me Lisa I can't forgive you right now I'm going to put this on hold for uh three months and then you can come back when I feel like you have paid enough no he always is quick to forgive me and what I sense in my spirit is that God says to me Lisa I believe you don't want to do this I believe you want to change and I forgive you so believe the best forgive quickly forgive quickly so love fearlessly forgive quickly laugh a lot you need to laugh a lot life is utterly ridiculous you need to have joy in your life you need to learn to laugh a lot you know one of my favorite scriptures is in the Psalms and I believe it's Psalm 128 but that could be wrong it's about those that fear the lord it says there's feasting and laughter around the table why because when we honor God God creates community and love and laughter in our lives he says he said because you wouldn't serve me with joy and gladness he said you're going to serve your enemies in fear so we don't want to think that God isn't about laughter about Joy about family around the table God wants laughter in your marriage he wants joy in your marriage John and I love to laugh together we have completely different senses of humor he finds things funny that I don't think funny but you know what I think it's funny that he finds it funny so it's still kind of works so laugh a lot develop an atmosphere of laugh laughing with each other not laughing at each other that's not going to work for you so when you can learn to laugh at yourself you move outside of yourself next thing honor one another honor one another honor one another when you're together but almost even more important honor one another when you are not together I can't tell you the regret I have that when I was young and I didn't know how to go through a marriage issue I told way too many people about the struggles we were in and I Dishonored my husband now you think well no you were looking for Solutions I wasn't going to the right people see if you're going to somebody that can actually help you then you're honoring your relationship because you're going to somebody that you can build with but that's not what I was doing I was like all men are jerks can you believe this or maybe I wasn't even the one that started it maybe somebody else was there and they were talking about the Terrible Things They were going through with their husband and I thought well I need to add my portion of that protect your marriage with what you say honor your marriage by going to people who can help you because I'm going to tell you what happens when you talk to too many people or people that AR for both of you then when you resolve the thing and those people come back into your world they have a really hard time seeing your husband the same way they're like that guy's a jerk and you're like yeah he was a jerk but he's not that person anymore and they're like yeah you just don't know what you're talking about so we always want to have this ability to talk about believing the best and bringing out the best now if your husband's doing horrible things and he's threatening your life or breaking your spirit or there's something really unhealthy you don't honor that you don't honor that I'm talking about maybe you're annoyed with your husband or maybe he did this be careful about just going out with your girlfriends and having a talk about it so anytime you're in danger we want to see you go to somebody who can make sure you're safe so this isn't what we're talking about so we don't want to compare we don't want to compare our husband to other people's husband again going back to did we like it if they're like hey she literally looks good she looks like she takes care of herself and works out you should work out that's not honoring a wife that's not honoring a wife and when you compare your husband to somebody else's husband it's also dishonoring I remember telling my husband John so and so prays with his wife every day you never pray with me that was a comparison thing that had my husband looking worse so you don't want to do that so let's honor one another and fight for your relationship rather than trying to prove you are right see now you can be right you can push your point and you can be absolutely right but it's more important to be rightly related when you are in a relationship sometimes if you say you need to hear me and acknowledge I'm right see I did that to my husband my husband would come to me and say what do you think we should do should we do this or this I'd be like you need to do this and he'd be like I think I'm going to do this I'd be like are you serious he would do that then I would follow him around and say you do remember I told you not to do it you do remember I'm the one who told you that would be a bad idea and I thought that John would be like oh Lisa you are wise and wonderful you alone are right but that's not what happened he pulled pulled away from me and stopped counseling with me sometimes you have to actually position people where together you find the right answer and you can say it in the right way being right all the time is overrated you don't want to do it you don't want to be it it kind of sounds like a smart elic so we got to actually be women who are wise and women who are wise aren't constantly proving their own state of wisdom they're actually drawing other people into a place of wisdom so I'm going to go over this again love fearlessly forgive quickly laugh a lot honor one another and fight for your relationship so those are my top five pieces of advice for your marriage and I can't wait to dive deeper into loving fearlessly in the next [Music] session [Music]

Channel: Lisa Bevere

Views: 21,199

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Id: m7BKDvbPfb8

Length: 11min 37sec (697 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 04 2024