♪ HOW ARE YOU? >> I'M GOOD. >> Jimmy: VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BOOK. I'M SURE IT IS A LOT OF WORK AND THEN WHEN IT COMES OUT I'M SURE IT'S VERY SATISFYING. >> I'M ENJOYING MYSELF. IT'S BEEN MANY, MANY YEARS SINCE I HAD -- SIX YEARS SINCE MY LAST BOOK. >> Jimmy: TALK ABOUT THE TITLE OF THE BOOK, "TALKING TO STRANGERS" AND -- >> THE BOOK IS ALL ABOUT THIS IDEA THAT WE THINK -- ALL THE TOOLS WE HAVE FOR MAKING SENSE OF OUR FRIENDS BETRAY US WHEN WE TALK TO STRANGERS. SO WE'RE REALLY GOOD -- IF I KNOW YOU REALLY WELL, I HAVE A WHOLE SERIES OF STRATEGIES I USE TO KIND OF UNDERSTAND YOU, DECODE YOUR BEHAVIOR. >> Jimmy: UNCONSCIOUSLY. >> UNCONSCIOUSLY AND CONSCIOUSLY. >> Jimmy: OKAY. >> BUT THEN IF I TRANSFER THOSE SAME STRATEGIES TO SOMEONE WHO'S A STRANGER YOU GO OFF IN ALL KINDS OF WEIRD AND RANDOM DIRECTIONS AND YOU END UP MAKING ALL KINDS OF GRAVE MISTAKES. AND THE BOOK IS ABOUT -- IT'S A WHOLE SERIES OF STORIES ABOUT ALL THE WAYS IN WHICH OUR STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH STRANGERS -- >> Jimmy: I THINK THAT'S TRUE. AND I HAVE MY OWN KIND OF EXPERIENCES THAT HAVE LED ME TO THAT. LIKE I'VE HAD -- YOU KNOW, YOU WALK OUT AND I'LL SEE THE AUDIENCE AND MOST EVERYONE IS CLAPPING AND HAPPY AND THEN YOU MEET A GUY-U SEE A GUY WHO'S GOT HIS ARMS FOLDED AND I INEVITABLY WILL ZERO IN ON THAT PERSON. START TALKING TO THAT PERSON. AND THEN THE GUY SAYS OH, I'M JUST REAL EXCITED TO BE HERE, YOU KNOW, I WATCH THE SHOW EVERY NIGHT. AND YOU GO, OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE UNFRIENDLY AND IT TURNS OUT I WAS JUST WRONG. >> THE WORD -- THE TECHNICAL WORD FOR THAT, THAT PERSON IS MISMATCHED. SO MATCHED IS WHERE -- ATHENTHO ANDERSON WHAT MOO WAS JUST HERE PERFECTLY MATCHED. WHEN HE WAS TELLING A STORY YOU GOT THE SENSE AS YOU LOOKED AT HIS FACIAL EXPRESSION AND BODY LANGUAGE, IT WAS PERFECTLY IN HARMONY WITH THE WAY HE FELT INSIDE. BUT THERE WASN'T THAT KIND OF DISCREPANCY BETWEEN THOSE TWO THINGS. THE GUY IN THE AUDIENCE LIKE THIS WHO'S HAVING A GREAT TIME IS MISMATCHED. AND WE HAVE TROUBLE WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE MISMATCHED. BUT LOTS OF PEOPLE ARE -- I MEAN, ACTORS AREN'T -- YOU CAN'T BE A MISMATCHED ACTOR. >> Jimmy: WELL, ONE OF THE THINGS YOU TALK ABOUT IS "FRIENDS" THE SHOW, WHICH IS MAYBE THE MOEF POPST POPULAR SH ALL TIME IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION. AND YOU SAY THAT "FRIENDS" IS LYING TO US. >> "FRIENDS" IS DEEPLY MISLEADING. [ LAUGHTER ] THE THING ABOUT -- >> Jimmy: THEY WEREN'T FRIENDS? >> THE PARADOX OF "FRIENDS" IS IF YOU DESCRIBE -- IF YOU TRY AND DESCRIBE THE PLOT OF AN EPISODE, IT'S LIKE IMPOSSIBLE. IF YOU DIAGRAMMED IT ON A FLOW CHART IT WOULD TAKE UP PAGES. MONICA DOES THIS AND LIKE PHOEBE AND THEN RACHEL GOES OFF IN THIS DIRECTION. BUT NO ONE'S EVER WATCHED AN EPISODE OF "FRIENDS" AND AT THE END SAID YOU KNOW, THEY LOST ME. [ LAUGHTER ] IT NEVER HAPPENS. SO THE QUESTION IS WHY -- HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS PARADOX? AND THE EXPLANATION IS THAT EVERYONE ON "FRIENDS" IS PERFECTLY MATCHED. SO WHEN PHOEBE IS SURPRISED HER JAW DROPS, HER EYES GO WIDE, AND HER EYEBROWS GO UP. RIGHT? WHEN ROSS IS PERPLEXED, AS HE OFTEN IS, HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A PERPLEXED PERSON IS SUPPOSED TO LOOK. YOU WATCH THE SHOW, YOU CAN TURN THE SOUND OFF. I'VE DONE THIS. TURN THE SOUND OFF ON AN EPISODE OF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE AND AT THE END OF IT ASK YOURSELF DID I KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON? TOTALLY. >> Jimmy: YOU WILL KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. >> BUT THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT'S NOT REAL LIFE. NO ONE BEHAVES THAT WAY IN REAL LIFE. >> Jimmy: IT'S LIKE THE EMOJI OF SHOWS IN A WAY. >> IF ALL YOU DO AS MANY OF US DO IS WATCH TV SHOWS LIKE "FRIENDS," YOU COME AWAY WITH THIS TOTALLY PHONY PICTURE OF THE REAL WORLD. >> Jimmy: AND PEOPLE -- WE THINK WE KNOW HOW TO READ -- LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE, POKER PLAYERS, WHATEVER, TAKE REAL PRIDE IN BEING ABLE TO READ. ARE YOU SAYING THAT WE -- NONE OF US REALLY CAN OR THEY'RE EXPERTS THAT REALLY CAN READ OTHER PEOPLE? >> THERE'S A HUGE AMOUNT OF PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCH ON THIS, AND THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT HUMAN BEINGS ARE UNIVERSALLY, WITH LIKE A TINY NUMBER OF EXCEPTIONS, TERRIBLE AT TELLING WHETHER SOMEONE IS TELLING THE TRUTH. >> Jimmy: REALLY? >> WE JUST CAN'T DO IT. WE ALL HAVE THESE PRETEND THINGS LIKE THE PERSON LOOKS TO THE LEFT AND THAT'S A TELL. IT'S JUST NONSENSE, TOTAL NONSENSE. BASICALLY, EVERYTHING YOU LEARN ON THOSE MINDHUNTER, YOU KNOW, COP SHOWS ABOUT HOW THE SAVVY FBI GUY CAN TELL WHAT -- IT'S JUST COMPLETE AND UTTER NONSENSE. THEY CAN DO TESTS WHERE YOU HAVE A SEASONED FBI AGENT AND YOU SHOW A SERIES OF VIDEOTAPES WHERE HALF ARE PEOPLE LYING AND HALF ARE PEOPLE TELLING THE TRUTH AND YOU SAY TELL ME WHICH IS WHICH AND THEY CAN'T DO IT. >> Jimmy: REALLY? THEY'RE NO BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE? >> NO BETTER THAN ANYBODY ELSE. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE LITTLE FICTIONS. BUT IMAGINE WHAT TELEVISION COP SHOWS WOULD BE LIKE IF THEY ACCURATELY REFLECTED HUMAN BEHAVIOR. >> Jimmy: IT WOULD BE RIDICULOUS. >> SO AT THE END OF A "LAW & ORDER" EPISODE OR LIKE THE FBI AGENT WOULD BE LIKE I HAVE NO IDEA. [ LAUGHTER ] NONE OF THOSE SHOWS -- LIKE THE THIRD ACT OF THE SHOW, THEY COULDN'T WRAP IT UP. THEY'D JUST BE LIKE, EH. >> Jimmy: WHAT ABOUT JUDGES WHO SIT THERE AND TALK -- LIKE JUDGE JUDY, FOR INSTANCE, WHO SITS THERE AND TALKS TO ONE PERSON AFTER ANOTHER AND HAS TO DETERMINE WHO'S TELLING THE TRUTH AND WHO ISN'T. NO? NOT EVEN JUDGE JUDY? >> I FEEL BAD FOR -- I DON'T WANT TO HARSH ON JUDGE JUDY. >> Jimmy: YOU SHOULDN'T SINGLE HER OUT. BECAUSE SHE'LL COME AT YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] >> ALSO RESPECT SELECTING -- I MEAN, HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES SHE JUDGE AND THEN THEY PICK LIKE THE TWO THAT ARE THE MOST IMPRESSIVE? WE DON'T SEE THE 20 TIMES WHEN SHE TOTALLY GOT IT WRONG. >> Jimmy: I GET THE IDEA THEY'RE USING EVERY MINUTE OF JUDGE JUDY'S TIME IS BEING USED ON CAMERA. >> SUPER EFFICIENT. WHAT'S INTERESTING OF COURSE IS YOU TALK TO STRANGERS FOR A LIVING. SO I WOULD BE REALLY -- I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT YOU'RE -- NOT ALWAYS MEETING SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME BUT OFTEN, RIGHT? >> Jimmy: OFTENTIMES. AND I TALK TO A LOT OF STRANGERS OUTSIDE THE SHOW. I MEAN, PROBABLY THIS WEEKEND I PROBABLY TALKED TO 250 STRANGERS. MAYBE 350 STRANGERS. >> PEOPLE COMING UP. NOT YOU ACTIVELY SEARCHING OUT STRANGERS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> Jimmy: NO. I STAND IN THE INTERSECTION HERE AND I SAY, "I'M ON TV, EVERYBODY." [ APPLAUSE ] NO, I TALK TO A LOT OF STRANGERS. AND I DO FEEL LIKE I GET A SENSE OF THEM BUT MAYBE I'M NOT. >> YOU'RE VERY, VERY NICELY MATCHED, I WILL SAY. >> Jimmy: OH, THANK YOU. IS THAT GOOD? >> YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SECRET AGENDAS. WHEN YOU'RE ENGAGED I THINK YOU LOOK ENGAGED. >> Jimmy: UH-HUH. >> SO I THINK PEOPLE RESPOND TO THAT WHEN STRANGERS COME UP TO YOU IN THE STREET, THEY'RE LIKE I THINK I UNDERSTAND WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE JIMMY'S HEART. >> Jimmy: OH. WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE? [ LAUGHTER ] A LOT OF CHOLESTEROL IN THERE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> EVERY TIME -- I THINK THIS IS MY THIRD TIME ON YOUR SHOW, AND EVERY TIME YOU SEND ME A PICTURE FRAMED IT COMES TO MY HOUSE, MY CLEANING LADY, SHE'S VERY AGGRESSIVE IN HOW SHE -- WHICH PICTURES SHE PUTS UP ON THE MANTLE. AND SHE WILL ALWAYS TAKE DOWN THE ONES OF MY FAMILY AND PUT UP THE ONES -- >> Jimmy: OH. I LIKE THAT. >> SHE HAS A SPECIAL CONNECTION WITH YOU. SHE'S LIKE TO HELL WITH LIKE MALCOLM'S MOM. IT'S JIMMY THAT I FEEL LIKE I CAN -- >> Jimmy: BECAUSE I DON'T COME OVER AND MESS UP THE GUEST ROOM. [ LAUGHTER ] >> TURNS THE ONES WITH MY PARENTS DOWN AND JIMMY GETS TURNED UP. >> Jimmy: I'M GOING TO WRITE SOMETHING SPECIFICALLY TO HER. >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS. >> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU HERE. I LOVE READING YOUR BOOKS.
