Hey Jaiden! (Jaiden screams) Oh my God!
(Dave laughs) I'm sorry! This is Jaiden. She's an animator, and until recently, she didn't show her face on the Internet. In her face reveal video, she explained why in a freaking powerful animation. "There's a main reason and I haven't told this story to anyone..." "My standards slowly started getting higher and higher without me realizing how bad it was getting..." "Eventually this branched out to more than just what I was doing." "It started seeping into my self-image..." "Eventually, I decided I would go the entire day eating as close to nothing as possible, then eating a bunch at the end to stop the pain," "followed by erasing it." This whole, awful cycle went on for several months... This isn't as simple as just getting thinner. There's so much more to it." She struggled with Anorexia and Bulimia, both eating disorders, and that video really hit me for two reasons: Firstly, because I know eating disorders are the most deadly mental disorders IN THE WORLD, and secondly, because I personally have been really close to people who have struggled with this stuff. Now growing up when I was really struggling with things, I would often turn to music as a kind of coping mechanism. So I DM'ed Jaiden and asked her if she wanted to make a song together on this issue where the lyrics are influenced by someone who has actually gone through this experience and she was like, "Oh hell yeah, bitch!" or something along those lines. I ca--I can't quite remember. And cut to several months later, and we finished it and you can see that here. This video is the story of how we turned her experiences into a song. And also some stupid clips from when we were hanging out because Christ, this video is gonna need help keeping the mood positive. (Dave) We're heading to "Super Targ't!" (Jaiden) Would you like POWER waffles or ENERGY waffles? (Dave) This is so American!
(Jaiden) We're so friggin'... (Jaiden) "Shark Rocket Stick Vacuum," five-star rated! Holy CRAP! (Dave laughs) (Dave) Do you find this offensive, Jaiden? All this dairy? (Jaiden) All the kids yogurt? (laughs) (Dave) As a vegan, how do you feel? (Jaiden) It's brewing, I'm stewing. It'll be...
(Dave laughs) (Dave) Now you're rapping.
(Jaiden laughs) When I went over to visit her, one thing in her room stood out as particularly weird. (chuckles) My therapist has, uh, we did like...this thing... It was like a... body dysmorphia exercise. So she gave me yarn, and she gave me scissors, and she's like: "Cut off as much yarn as you think would go around each body part," like-- snip it off at where I think it would like go around perfectly. (Ari scream) (Dave) Yeah, yeah.
(Jaiden) Ari. (both laugh) (Jaiden) And so-- (Dave) That's so freaking cute! (Jaiden) We're talking about this serious stuff, and Ari is up here like,
(Dave laughs) Yeah! "What'cha doing?" (Jaiden) So this is how much I overcompensate. It's like the visual thing...
(Dave) Oh, interesting. (Jaiden) ...of body dysmorphia.
(Dave) Like how much-- (Jaiden) I cut off this much of, like-- this is my thigh.
(Dave) Yeah. And then it's actually this much. (Dave) That's crazy.
(Jaiden) So I see myself as this, and then the rest of the world sees this. How does it feel seeing that laid out like that? Um, It's more real than I thought it would be. (Jaiden) My biggest ones were my thighs...
(Dave) That's insane, the difference. And my stomach... And then I just laid it out here, like a weird art project. (both nervously laugh) So the first thing we have to do is come up with the lyrics, because we didn't want to just unintelligibly mumble through the song. That would never work with rap! We actually did a lot of the ideas over Skype before I went to visit her and I recorded that, but I lost the footage, because I'm an idiot. So we sat down with her later to talk about it instead. How have you felt doing this whole thing? It's, like... weird... But like a good weird, because it's fun. But it's also about a serious topic, but we're having fun while doing it, so it's like, "Oh, maybe I shouldn't be enjoying myself." I wondered how it would feel going through this kind of... like, re-living it. It's not really "re-living it". It's more looking back on what I felt like during it. How was your mind back then? Like, if you had to describe it. It was a lot more toxic than I thought it was. Like, during it you can't really see what's like... You're in the problem and then people around can see it. This is gonna sound really sad. To push hunger away, or like, just ignore it, (Jaiden) I would have gum and, uh, that's a big thing in eating disorders, is gum, and mints, and stuff...
(Dave) Yeah. There is four calories in a stick of gum, and that was too much for me. (Jaiden) So I'd rip it in half, and have half a piece of gum.
(Dave whispers) Oh God... (Jaiden nervously laughs) It's not funny. (both nervously laugh) (Jaiden) It's just ridiculous.
(Dave) Yeah. (Dave) But that's how obsessed--
(Jaiden) Like your brain-- that's how obsessive and toxic your brain is during that. Every little number counts. There are a lot of intense parts to her story, but that one hit me like a truck. So I wrote down the things Jaiden told me about her experiences and turned them into potential lyrics. Then Jaiden picked the parts that really hit home. Are there any lines in the song that hit you? Definitely the thing where it's like "You have to trust your body". Like that's... you keep telling that to yourself. But it's so hard to just trust in something you-- you've been scared of for so long. Why were you scared of it? (Jaiden) It just rewires your brain to be scared of everything that's natural and stuff.
(Dave) Yeah. So you just have to trust your body that it know what's it's doing. It doesn't have like a secret agenda to gain weight Unlimit-- like, unlimited, you know? So I made the instrumental, came back and then it was time to record the vocals. And we didn't want to be cramped in a cupboard for several days recording these together, so we opted to record them in Jaiden's room. However, this meant that we had a co-producer in there with us. Ari, you want to say something? This is Ari. We figured keeping Ari in there with us would make this video a bit funnier, whi-which is true! But it was also BLOODY annoying! "Feels good, how do I quit this-" (Ari squeals) "...statistics. But the voice is with me through THICK & THIN!" (Ari squeals) Stop! (more squealing) Alright... On a few of the earlier takes, Jaiden's vocals started out quite quiet. "And at first it was working but then things were emerging." "At first it was working, but then..." (Jaiden laughs) You okay? I have no idea what I am doing. (both laugh) Aww, look at you! I made a friend! "And at first it was working, but then things were emerging." (Dave) I think we got the tone--
(Jaiden) I keep on doing, like, this thing with my hand...(laughs) It helps, doesn't it? Like the weird rapper hands thing? (Dave) You can tell, right?
(Jaiden) Yeah, I get it now! "And at first it was working, but then--" (Jaiden) At first it was kinda working, but I-da...
(Dave laughs) After a while she started to get a little more power in her voice. Breath! (softer roar, then laughter) Jesus, that's metal! (laughs) That's the direction to take the song! (louder roar, death metal in background) I wasn't expecting death metal [to] come out of this face. That kind of screamy intensity actually worked really well for some parts of the song. They tended to be the most difficult parts, however... Ah, this is the one... "I developed a taste for this. Endure the never ending ache. Convince--" Uh oh! It's going to be trickyyyy... You'll be fine. [unintelligible] "I developed a taste for this. Endure the never evving aidivlsdkhgqWG" I've developed a potatephsl--- "I've developed a taste for this. Endure the never ending ache, convince..." That was really good. I like it. "Convince myself I'm in control and it's not all the voice that makes me six!" Six? "It's not all the voice that makes me sick!" - That was beautiful.
- Thank you! "Ick". Eeww, ick-- [laughter] Do you need a moment? I don't think I've never said "ick" in my entire-- So by the end of day one, we'd finished the first verse. Bye bye for day one. Yay, day one! Dammit! You've got a look-out now! This is not fair! Onto day twooooo! Yay!! For day two - the plan was to record the second verse about how the disorders started to become an addiction. "This ordeal is becoming routine." "Check arms, back, neck"- Yeah, that's it. The whole idea is so weird. Body checking? Yeah. It's like- I don't know. Just making sure that everything is "going to plan". Did you do that before you saw it on Tumblr and stuff? Yeah, definitely. I never looked at blogs or anything. Where did you read about it online? Um, I don't know. I've always known about throwing up and Anorexia and stuff. I think since I wasn't educated on how serious it was when I got into it, that's what started. When you start out you're like, "Oh it's not that bad" or like "I can control it. I can stop whenever I want to." But, obviously you can't after a certain amount of time. When I was going over this video with Jaiden, she thought it was important for me to clarify that-- it's not all about the WEIGHT-thing. A big part of it for her, and for a lot of people, is feeling in *control*. When your emotions and your life feel out of control and you can't handle it, it feels good to be in control of something. It's like a safety blanket. .. I-If a safety blanket had a... REALLY high death-rate. So we were getting to the parts that were the most emotional and difficult to perform, You know the parts where we really wanted to focus with no distractions 'Numbers-" [Ari being an annoyance again] "It all co--" Numbers, [Ari-scream imitation]
It all comes down to numbers [Ari-scream imitation] Honestly, I was really impressed with Jaiden's vocals. Like no amount of editing can get that kind of emotional tone in your voice. Well, not no amount of editing... It probably saved me a few days. Thanks, Jaiden. "This ordeal is becoming routine. Check arms, neck, back, fff-fuck." "Routine! Check arms back, neck, thighs. Suck it in and pitch my sides." I like this. This is coming across intense. The WHOLE thing there has to be in one breath, so you're gonna have to take a mass-- NUMBERS! [BREATH] "Numbers, it all comes down to numbers." "I know it's wrong. But just because you know you're colorblind, it doesn't mean you can see the colors." I really like the "colours" on that one. Ari... What are you doing? "It feels good how I quit this"- - How quit!
- How quit this! "The voice is with me through THICK & THIN" That's frickin great. When that's all put together, that's gonna be really nice. How are you feeling about all of this? It's crazy. I've never considered trying music or like auto-tuning or like-- you know? So with the vocals done, there was just one thing left for us to do. I think that's everything we need. - Really?
- Yeah! I think we're done. Heeell yeah! Now what? Now I do my own parts, and (then) it's the music video! So, for the music video we decided to record a storyline part. And I wondered how Jaiden was gonna feel about this since she'd be essentially- -re-enacting the most painful time of her life. It might have helped a bit that we were just messing around a lot and sometimes just being really stupid. MTV Cribs! [laughter] - How ya doin' Jaiden?
- Howdy! Could ya' jump up? [Jaiden jumps] [Laugter] [Dave dancing to Jaiden's fire rapping] [pops up from behind Jaiden] [random laughter] Oh crap, you can just see me there with the camera. Creepy in the background. For the old movie Gone with the Wind, I heard that for the big finale- - they set the entire movie set on fire and they had one chance to record that big shot. And we had a moment like that in this, except instead of a movie set, we had a sandwich - - and I actually forgot to set my camera to a low frame rate so we could do slow-motion. So we had to make another sandwich. But look how much more dramatic it is now! "YOU WANT TO EAT..." "BITE YOUR TONGUE..." Farewell, Normal-Speed Sandwich. Memory lives on(?) Then the only thing left was the performance parts, so we went out to buy a smoke machine. [fire alarm goes off] Ah! That was a good idea. AHH--! Oh, God! It's looking pretty cool! Yeah, I vape! [fire alarm sound] This was a bad idea! It's ok! Incidentally, that's not the first time that's happened to me when using a smoke machine in a music video. I had an ex-girlfriend who had this disorder, and not just had this disorder... She was so far into it that she ran a pro-anorexia community online where they- ignored the science about how deadly it was and encouraged each other to do it. At the time I had no idea how serious it was and I barely even heard of it before. Like, looking back I wish I'd known how I could have helped her. And when I was writing the song I wanted a conclusion in there that could have helped her if she'd listened to it. Jaiden asked her therapist what she thought the most strong advice would be to someone who is struggling with this stuff- -other than getting a therapist, and she suggested talking about the problem with people who do NOT have that same problem. So that's the message we chose for the bridge of the song. By the way, thanks Jaiden for trying out all the stupid ideas I had with the harmonies here. "If you ask for help it doesn't make you weak. I can reach out I"- *Laughter* They didn't quite work out like how I imagined in my head. They're in there, it's just really quiet! Big range there! It sounds like a rat climbing into the room and is like: "I wanna sing as well!" Jaiden made this project a lot easier than it could have been. She's comfortable discussing her problems where I know a lot of people struggle with that. And she's really good at coming up with analogies for how it felt. Some of the lines are literally word for word what she described to me in a Skype conversation. Like the line "just because you know you're colorblind, it doesn't mean you can see the colors". I heard that and was just like, "That's going in the song"! And on a slightly different note: It's really cool to see someone who is a self-proclaimed shy person pushing themself so far out of their comfort-zone. It's kind of secondary that she did a great job! It's just really cool that she gave it a try in the first place. The part of her story that I was perhaps *most* curious about was how she found her way OUT of her disorder. How long did it take for you to kind of... admit that you were addicted? I'm not quite sure. I know that I was really not doing good for like a solid 3-4 months in college. And then after that I think I was like, "Okay. I need to stop, and I need to..." "This isn't good, I don't want to keep doing this anymore"-kind of thing. It was also wasting time, and I was not feeling good. I've got other stuff to do than eat and then go throw up, and like... It takes a long time. - I'm busy!
- That's the reason to quit! I was just really tired of it! I've got games to play, man! I've got Youtube videos make! I was like: I'm sick of doing this. I'm tired, I don't feel good ever... I'm not... happy. So I was like, "Okay. It's time to start taking this seriously." "I wanna NOT do this, I wanna be normal again..." "And not worry about it." And it's like any addiction. You don't suddenly find that one day that your cravings have vanished and you're cured. It's a constant process of having to resist it so you don't fall back into it. But it's worth it. Jaiden could have been on the wrong side of that statistic, which would have been rubbish. Who would I watch on YouTube if she died? That would be SOOO ANNOYING! Okay, I feel pretty bad about that one. Hi, Jaiden. I just made a really mean joke to you. How can I make up for it? So check out the song if you haven't already- - and check out her amazing channel. It-It's the best on YouTube. I-It's better than anyone else's. She's really cool and... Better than- Better than everything I've ever done. Cheers for watching, and have a nice day! I'M GAAY!!
That thumbnail is precious.