Maintaining High Self Esteem

hello everyone and welcome I welcome also the cyberspace audience which are outnumbers often live audiences as the nature of the beast I want to dedicate the class to rifki bat leia for complete for slamming healing may the teachings here be in her merit and seymour Allen and all your family and all of us so maintaining high self esteem which was thank you for the suggested topic especially when we're surrounded by people who are who criticize us who disappoint us and I use harsher words you could fill in the blanks so I think like it is with any given problem or given challenge as some of you familiar approach I often take I always take is that there's two ways to solve an issue and one is dealing with the symptoms or dealing with the roots the symptoms is like a band-aid short-term solution a painkiller sometimes that may be enough and and hopefully it is to relieve us from any undue discomfort but very often especially with deeper issues band-aids and short-term symptomatic and remedial actions really will not solve the problem this is true not just in physical and medical issues but also an even more more so on psychological ones so we're dealing with a question of a person's self esteem self confidence it's not just important about the dressing okay do you feel confident today or tomorrow can someone boost your confidence and help you get you more more inner strength but it's really getting to the core of what would really cause someone to have a low a lower self esteem and what then can you do to heighten it now it's easier said than done because we also live in a non-neutral world we are constantly and in the adult world in which we live I will soon talk about children we live in a world that is not neutral and it's not naturally supportive of us it's actually a world where the cynics would put it dog eats dog survival of the fittest and it's a competitive environment and people are trying to see how much they can use others or sell them something or peddle them to something so even if it's not we're not even talking about with criminal criminal or malicious intent but just the basic reality of existence we know it's a harsh existence you go to work you have people competing with you even for your job you have people your bosses that even if they're pleasant still have a bottom line to feel we are in a constant you could say constantly inundated a barrage of all kinds of things being demanded and expected of us and when you throw into the equation also people who have who are more selfish and are not interested in our welfare so what are we really exposed to a hostility that there's nothing doesn't do very well for a person self-confidence and self-esteem critique as I said competition demands and just look at their just look at our just look at our lives when you think in terms of even purely on the marketplace levels so the social forces the social influences that are exerting themselves upon us imposing themselves upon us I think it's just a very basic thing the idea that people are selling to do something to you that means they have to convince you to buy something which means that necessary the best thing for you but they want to convince you is the best thing for you and it may be a good thing for you but how do you really determine so there's the ongoing emotional manipulation of our minds and of our hearts to determine what we value I was just reading an article the other day about how the meat journalism has become so bastardized and so compromised by the fact that right now it's focused on getting audiences whereas once at least there was the illusion that you're standing for something now it's about how many people are gonna watch something and what kind of headline will go viral and topics that not necessarily have any journalistic value but are we know we'll get a lot of people watching is the determinate terminal factor even the most some of the most prestigious and and and sophisticated journalistic outlets you know some people think Trump is it epitomizes it and of course the media feeds into it because it's like an ongoing circus so when you look at the world around you you start seeing a type of focus where we're being taught to be more superficial than to focus more on the superficial than on the real to focus more on the sizzle and on the stake more on the package than on the product more on form than on then then I'm function and more than matter than on spirit you can go on and on a list and when you show when you have forces from so many different directions and now they have access to us 24/7 what can what is it doing for you and your own self value if you're being told that if you buy this you're gonna be more you're gonna be happier and if you don't you're gonna feel deprived it's essentially a message that you don't have what it takes to be confident you need this you need to drive this car look this way travel to this place purchase this item so we're in a world which is a which is on a offensively and we're not in a neutral world were in a world that we are constantly under attack an assault on our psyches now I don't want I mean it's I know comes across almost like a doomsday and like fire and brimstone but I don't mean it that way at all I mean in a subtle way but what does it really do for our self-esteem and self-confidence how much of our decisions are really determined from within how much are you generating and saying one second let me determine what is valuable to me and I feel confident and strong that in my convictions and then let me go find what I need how much how many decisions are we making that way it's a pretty good question to ask yourself on a daily basis from the morning you were awake till the moment you go to sleep how much are you really decide coming from within and if it's not coming for me then rest assured it's not building your self-confidence because confidence is built from within esteem is built from within learning to trust yourself learning to value yourself and that and I could speak also from personal experience my own experience and what people I deal with this is one of the most the most precious and rare commodities today is having self value to value yourself now what I just described was the adult world you throw into the equation now our childhood a young formative years and if you grew up in our barment that was constantly you were constantly being criticized invalidated by parents by adults by educators by people who were supposed to nurture us you can rest assured you're not coming into a level playing field as an adult because you're already on the defense you already start second-guessing yourself and you're wondering whether your decisions are right you know children naturally as we shall discuss more length shortly are naturally confident entities they're born they have no reason not to be they expect love and now because of a sense of entitlement because it's a natural thing like a flower expects water a flower expects that the gardener is going to nurture and water the the garden a child naturally expects not in words but just by its disposition by its personality that it will be taken care of and that's the way it's meant to be that's the way we are created we are not self-sufficient when we're young nine months and we're in our mother's womb were completely nurtured and cared for and then when we finally come out of the mothers our mother's womb we still are a state that needs a lot of nurturing a lot of protection a lot of care caring and love to be able to cultivate that sense of confidence in ourselves so in a healthy situation a child grows up feeling that feeling want to feel validated valued when a parent says I will spend time with you now he was saying the words that the child senses you care about me I'm more important than other things when a parent runs out of the house and gives a child less attention and it becomes a consistent that way there's a doesn't make a difference how many gifts you buy the child and how many videos and how many strips you may take them and how many candies and ice creams you give them the bottom line a child will know that you have other things that are more important and children are very simple when they get that message enough times they begin to say to themselves maybe I'm not that valuable and it's not about an ego trip it's about the basic of the garden the flowers will begin to wither if they're not watered now unfortunately we live in a world where this is unfortunately more common than not that most of us have been deprived to some extent you know I'm not gonna say that everybody in the fullest extent you know in the most extreme way is obviously true abuse true absenteeism true invalidation in the full sense of the word and the painful sense of the word and that doesn't mean the person is that the situation is hopeless but it means it's uphill battle because once a person is already as a child has developed a sense that I'm not really valuable that and I can't really trust my own feelings because I used to come home from school all enthusiastic and my father was drunk my mother was neurotic with criticize everything I did because of their own issues and their projections as much as therapy you go through there's that knee-jerk reaction what's that's I'm doing something wrong and I've met people that even without anyone criticizing them they immediately say what did I say wrong I'm sure you have situations sometimes you say something you look at them and you look at someone and say okay what did I do wrong now why would you assume you did something wrong reminds me more than once this happened at this attic sitting was sown in the private sessions counseling and I remember ones this particular case where I brought the person a cup of water and I put it down and I said lifted my hands she's flinched and for no reason it wasn't like I said why did you flinch she said that's what you're gonna smack me I said why would I smack it did I indicate any yes solidity or anything she says no but my life my childhood when her hands was lifted is usually gonna be a slap and she's developed a new jerk reaction now this may sound crazy but we all do things like that you begin to react when your something happens enough times two you you will begin to build a buildup every action a reflexive reaction to whatever situation you're in now if this happens consistently you know remember children like all of us are resilient and we can absorb and be flexible to many situations but if it happens consistently and it's like an assault on our consciousness on our psyches and our valid and our value we slowly develop a sense that I'm guilty until proven innocent when in truth you should be innocent until proven guilty and by contrast people who have been nurtured and have built that self-esteem it doesn't mean they can that they won't have moments of doubt and they won't have moments of questioning themselves but their status quo their their so-called equilibrium is one of measure a certain a measure of confidence so a lot of all this discussion has a lot to do with tremendously with our own childhoods you can't avoid that issue you talk about self-esteem it's almost textbook you after the first thing almost look at what kind of childhood you have and not because we're looking for for it to dig up a can of worms quorums or to look for trouble it's simply because you have to understand what has shaped you and then you can intervene and do something about that so essentially to sum up what I've said so far is based on the principle that half the problem I'm sorry the awarenesses have the cure of a problem before you deal with solutions you must have awareness of the situation basically what we call a diagnosis and evaluation just like it is on the physical sense you come into let's say a person is bleeding god forbid they come into a hospital emergency room or something else the first thing that we need to figure out what's going on where's the bleeding coming from you have to stop the bleeding you have to first evaluate before you intervene anyone without the training it says you know what oh maybe this that would be very dangerous you can quote more problems if you start guessing so the first thing is awareness awareness diagnosis so the same thing here and self-esteem issues first thing is awareness what are the factors that are contributing right now presently you could very well be our childhood okay that's one we'll go through the usual suspects so to speak number two it could be the oppressive environment of the socials your social setting state meaning right now presently you may be working for an oppressive boss you may have very unpleasant employees you may have people that you're dealing with family members or others that are toxic I mean I'm just using extreme examples I don't mean to but I'm just trying to make the point it could be a little milder version but you're right now you're not you are presently basically it's like someone who's who is suffering from an illness and they're continuing to consume or breathe toxic air so obviously whatever you do is not going to help because they have to start it they have to stop continuing the diet or the or the environment that they're in so it's a critical to understand these factors so if you talk about the view list of suspects I mentioned some before but I'll just sum it up as I said childhood experiences number one must be looked at because that tells a lot number two is what kind of situation you find yourself in right now presently the type of work you're at what are your pressures who's the Manning things of you what are the expectations what do you think are the expectations because that all is having a direct impact on your own confidence because if the expectations are overwhelming and unrealistic so you're constantly saying look I continuously fail you know take third a third area to look at is your relationships where you stand in the area of the escort ship romance love sexuality that's it's bears tremendous amount on our own self-esteem because are you successful in that area I are not desperate are you doing things that are self-destructive because the need for love do not know how to find the proper partner the proper a proper relationship because maybe you don't have the standard enough role modeling etc now I'm not gonna go through the list of every usual suspect obviously just general categories but there's no way to deal with self-esteem and self-confidence issues if you don't look at these things because they're actively having impact in your life right now so it's just a silly and I'll give a talk about what self-esteem is on a theoretical level without addressing what what factors are shaping you as we speak is like I said earlier it's like someone trying to detox and from one end so they have like a detox tubes pulling out the toxins on the other end you're feeding yourself toxins so what are we going to gain this expression in the Talmud that says title the share is be other it means somebody's going into a mikvah I'm if it's a ritual bath to purify themselves but they're carrying a toxic thing in their hand and they don't even realize it so they're bathing themselves it's like somebody going to take a bath but they're using with all kinds of grime or oil and then just you know first you got to stop the flow of the negative before you bring in the positive would be like trying to bring new furniture into your house when it's full of dust and dirt and grime first you gotta clean up and at least create some type of environment then you can bring in something fresh which of course even though this sounds almost like not it's almost almost absurd but very often you know I'm sure you'll find this we all do these absurd things that's what the human condition is a measure of absurdity to it where people say I don't know I keep trying new things and it's not working and they don't realize that they're still maintaining old habits while they're trying new things like the line that I always I don't know who coined that I think I coined it but it's some combination of different things I heard over the years maybe I'm not trying to take credit for it maybe it's plagiarism on some form but the line goes like this if you think what you thought and you say what you said and you do what you did what would you have can you figure that what you had he'll have what you had if you think what you thought you speak what you spoke you say what you said meaning you continue doing what you did yesterday in thought speech in action what will be the results the same results I'm not sure this is a famous line insanity is somebody saying doing the same things and expecting different results or as they say in the healing world if nothing changes nothing changes now these simply be like simple similar simple idioms and simple Maxim's and ideas but it's easy to give as we all know it's easier to give advice to others and to yourself and the fact that we're all guilty of this at our blind spots and a subjectivity that don't allow us to see sometimes that we are our own worst enemy and even though you're sincere and looking for change but you're not changing anything as you look for the seek that change and there's no way around that people say I won't change but I want to change anything tell me the logic than that it doesn't work that way if you have a bad habit you're gonna have to change something to get rid of that bad happens and the SAMS is gonna assume a new habit and forget about the bad habit but if you have the bad habit it's gonna come back to haunt you this is a challenge but the beauty of the other action said the beauty the good news is the good news is as I said awareness is have the cure even if you may not be able to completely overcome your past patterns and routines and habits but the first step is awareness so very often I would tell someone I say listen we're not looking that's who you are but at least be aware be aware that every time someone lifts their hand you feel someone's gonna slap you no that's not natural I'm not suggesting to suddenly change your whole emotional makeup that's what you that's how you're wired right now but until you recognize that this is an issue you're not you're definitely not gonna do anything about it so the first step is what we call some people some psychologists call like the cognitive life raft at least in your mind understand that's not the right way to react I still react that way but at least I understand it's not it's like the baal shem tov says something very fascinating the great mystic the baal shem tov he says that there are two types of darkness there's darkness thing you know it's dark and the dawn will come and the light will come but then there's a darkness that's so dark that it conceals that it's dark we call the double darkness and the verse in the Bible it says hasta asked it a double cover covers the fact that there is something to cover and then you can convince yourself night as day ugly is beauty something negative is positive that's when there's the real distortions because you don't even know that you don't know so the first step is saying one second I to convince yourself for example that your experience in the area not experience is a perfect example but then you come to underwareness I say one second you know something I'm not experienced in this area there's nothing wrong with that maybe I need help maybe I need to go to a professional that awareness is the first step to all growth no one's asking you to become perfect but very often people with low self-esteem low self-confidence have to develop an illusion that I'm I can do it a person with self-confidence is the first person that's gonna admit I can't do it I know it sounds paradoxical but that's exactly the point because a confident person knows what they're good at and this is that they're very clear about it and they're very clear that here's some things I'm not so I hire someone or I consult with someone that has a clear view on the matter a person with low self confidence you'll find orphan does not go for advice because they feel they have to compensate to go back to the childhood or now their childhood experiences when your father and mother or any adult continuously berated you and criticized you and said to you what's the matter with you what do you start doing you stop going for help you start taps baton you're putting on a show to prove to your father you don't need anybody I I can do it and it's really it's really a fabrication it's a fabricated sense of of toughness or what's the word I want to use bravado that you feel I can do anything very confident people are the first to say here's my strengths and the other things I need help it because there's a center of a set clear sense of their boundaries of their strengths and one of their weaknesses which we'll be discussing as well so to sum up what I've said so far is this self esteem goes to the core essentially of who you are what has shaped you and what is shaping you presently and until you're ready to step back and say okay here are the factors that are contribute to why I second-guess myself I have difficulty with commitment why have a difficulty with with making decisions doesn't mean you have to expose yourself and and go announce it and advertise it we're talking about between you and yourself or between people you trust a very confidential and discreet way yeah that's the first step you have to be able to identify doesn't have to be perfect just identify because that becomes the beginning of defanging the enemy is recognizing the enemy you know in warfare the key to all warfare is not how powerful you are or how many arms you have or how much or how many firepower it comes down to often the confidence psychological warfare if the enemy thinks you're stronger you may be weaker but you already won and the same thing is emotionally and psychologically when we are not aware and we think the enemy is much bigger than it is then the enemy does become bigger because you empower your feeling you're fueling your enemy so it's critical to be able to define the enemies by awareness it's like you shine a light on something the maggots and the parasites run away because they kill eat they they thrive in darkness our own weaknesses our fears our inhibitions and and including our low self-esteem and self-confidence is thrives when we don't understand what's going on because when you're confused and you're lost and you don't know when this clarity you always begin to build confidence it's like someone say you'll say you know what I'm afraid of God taking upon myself this in this new project or take a promise of a new goal and when you're asked okay why are you afraid so you list the whole reasons because I could fail at this I could feel it that there are all the different reasons how will you ever build the courage to take on this challenge so people who have low self-confidence won't they'll just back off retreat and say I'll take on other challenges but then you'll discover a pattern that this repeats itself many times because it's not about this particular project of course in each case you're gonna find excuses why this is not possible to be done that's what an uncomfortable does a confident person looks at it analyzes it doesn't say necessarily it's easy it's difficult but I've analyzed them the measure of its difficulty here are the challenges and now I'm going to figure out how to get around them so they don't see anything as being impossible they see it as okay it's formidable but I I will first get a lay of the land understand the challenge understand the enemy so to speak and from there I will be able to then assess what to do now there are obviously real situations where anyone even a very confident person says this may not be an area I want to take upon too difficult but it's not coming from weakness it's coming from strength it's coming from clarity that you know what they explored and this is maybe not something I should be doing not because through to retreat through to clarity so the key to the confident person is the clarity they have they look at the situation assess it for what it is not what it appears to be because if you rely on what it appears to be it can look a lot bigger and bigger monster than it is so that is why shining a light and clarity is critical in defusing any type of adversarial situation but all these are the tools of the confident person who goes in and says okay I'm gonna find clarity what we call due diligence do research look into it before you just say no I find this very often when it comes especially in the dating scene and someone suggests some of this or someone and they say no it's not for me I said did you look into the person no I just have an instinct okay fine okay then then you push a little for my describing anyone here okay and so then that's the case-mate how do you know maybe instinct is off you know what is it based on maybe just your fear of not succeeding maybe you've been hurt enough times you're not looking to be hurt is nothing wrong with saying that but to say that requires courage that alone requires confidence to say I don't have confidence an on confident person usually will not say that they will not say it a confident person will say very clear this is water is the downside of Technology huh okay so where were we so the first step I was talking about the dating scene and person instincts and so on is to be honest with yourself and looking at the factors and the forces that are shaping and defining how we make decisions and though it takes work and I will discuss that shortly but you really want to get to a point once you identify what you can do to counter that so let's take let's get to the bull by the horns let us indeed say that someone grew up in a home environment and their formative years they were invalidated one way or another sometimes it can be quite extreme you know the children of divorce suffer from this because often they blame themselves that's what children do and they feel something the matter with them they feel they're the cause parents often don't help by subtly suggesting and blaming and so on and projecting so once you identify any of the above then the next step is what do you do to counter it the answer is you need to have a very heavy dose of validation to counter the invalidation but here's the challenge people have been invalidated in a way become their own worst enemy and they usually don't like to hang around people that are confident so they often make misery loves company their friends and others they meet feed their own self-perception that's what happens and you have to be fully aware of that it's one of the biggest challenges because like I said earlier we don't change our thoughts and our speech and our actions because we want to if a person does have he has been invalidated and does not have a healthy sense of self value and self esteem and so on what will happen will be no question what will happen is that they will so-called look unconsciously not consciously look for ways to confirm their own negative self-image and we all do this and it's a very difficult thing to fight because obviously no one's gonna do the deliberately no one's gonna say I wake up the tomato I'm gonna wake up in the morning I'm gonna figure out how to undermine myself today does anybody have that on their to-do list you hope you read it on your to-do list really I'm gonna okay that bad I've never seen I mean there are people by the way they're do that that's when a person really is self-loathing but we don't do it consciously that's the problem if we did it consciously that at least we could address it we do it unconsciously we almost like set ourselves up to make sure that you can that that you're not gonna you know that you're gonna fail at something you undermine it in the first place so you don't really fail this happens very often the relationships many people when it gets too close for comfort and somebody's getting closer to you emotionally well what will you do if you're a person that's lacking self-esteem you're gonna under you're gonna sabotage it before they do because you don't want them to hurt you so you end up hurting this is typical behavior now what I'm describing are things that are easier to identify but there are many things that we can identify you know simple things like even even even mundane things like what kind of jobs we choose what kind of challenges we'll take upon ourselves a person who's been invalidated from young age is usually good not is gonna cut them is gonna cut themselves short from really achieving what they're capable of so it's almost like a given that someone let lower self-esteem lower lower self value the higher that I'm sorry they're less challenges you'll really take upon yourself because you don't want to get into a situation where you may fail and you doubt yourself too much so you t see you so you don't shoot that your height your bar you keep very low and if you're very smart what you do is you cover your tracks so no one really can notice and that's that and then you live out your life never really living up to the potential you're capable of that's how sad it is so how do you counter this your content is by being very honest candid and blunt with yourself and always critical to have an objective friend that you invite to kick you in the pants not in a bad way you invited to be able to challenge you and what you want to do is counter it by not allowing yourself to do that an example taking on a challenge that you would not want to take on naturally I'm talking about a good challenge I'm not talking about doing something that's god forbid self-destructive or anything like that maybe the baby that's exactly what you need is to take on a challenge that you thought you're not capable of and why don't you try you know you swam in waters to this point why don't you swim in a little deeper waters and I'm not talking about doing anything reckless or crazy even though that could also not hurt sometimes to do something a little nuts but the key thing is to get out of your comfort zone because that's how changes happen shifts happen when you shift something there's no way around that and that is the little secret that nobody wants to hear everybody wants to say I want to change but I want to shift anything well that doesn't work it doesn't work I'm not suggesting cold turkey to shift everything you take it step by step one of the suggestions I always make is like in a very simple level like when let's say you have your wires tangled up you know I mean or your hair is tangled or something else is tangled up I mean physically even what's how do you untangle things so most of us we get too impatient impatient and we just start pulling and pulling them together then what happens it gets more tangled so point you can't even untangle it any longer the secret untangling things is patience and looking at the edges and the extremities untangle the part of the wires that are easy to untangle and then you can isolate that area that's most difficult it sounds like we think it sounds like so simple but most people simply don't do that because they either are so emotional about it they just want to fix it it's called simple process of take upon yourself a challenge that you maybe is not the hardest one if you're gonna try to attack and say you know what I've low self-esteem I'm going to go to a boot camp seven-day boot camp where they tell you after seven days and $20,000 you're gonna have self-esteem rest assured you it'll probably make it worse it's like they say why are these books all bestsellers I keep telling you here's the 10 steps to a healthy love 20 steps to self-esteem 30 steps whatever why they keep selling because obviously they don't work or all the books want to keep selling why would someone have to write a new book you know people's self-confidence usually don't buy these books unless they're going to write a book and they want to see how others are doing you know so the point I'm making here is choose challenges that are out of your comfort zone but they don't have to be the ones that are the most difficult and we all can identify some things that are more difficult that's something that because small victories lead to big victories that's the key make small shifts and the small shifts will allow you to make bigger shifts and then there will come the point where you'll have to deal with the big most entangled party of life and that may be directly your own childhood or other things that are undermining your own confidence and your own values of value and and and trust in yourself and it becomes easier when you've untangled most of it because then you have the last step the last so-called frontier makes it a lot easier so that's one way to go and this is could easy to do any date tomorrow morning tonight make a commitment you'll join a new class here a new book but it has to be something that's fresh and not a part of your past patterns that's how you counter especially deep rooted invalidation and that's a result of absenteeism or other childhood experiences that cause us to in our formative years to lose self trust and self confidence and just for the record even though self confidence and self esteem are interchangeable usually they actually don't mean exactly the same thing I mean there's even debates on the topic but my take on it somewhat is like self confidence there are people who have low self-esteem but can have self confidence it's usually not the other way around why cuz self esteem really gets to trust it's really being able to value yourself esteem do you have a steam for yourself do you respect yourself confidence can be taught in this particular area there are people that are very good at doing something so their comfort what they do but doesn't mean they necessarily respect themselves they've learned to be good at something and it's still valuable because at least you have that but self-confidence is more about trusting yourself trusting I can do it you know I can drive a car I've done it enough time so I have confidence and driving a car is it really is it self esteem not necessarily you can be in for some very low self esteem and be a great driver I mean that sounds a little odd when I just said but I'm just giving an example my point is you could be good at something and be confident in it but simply because you're trained and you and you know you have the skill self-esteem gets deeper into the self valuing and trusting yourself I'm sorry valuing and esteem for yourself not just not just trusting but valuing yourself but in the context of our discussion here both obviously with a mentor changing them because they're both the broad sense of the term we want we want to have both and self esteem is obviously it's much more to the person who you are so so one of the ways to cut so the key is identifying and countering it if for example let's us take a very simple example let's say you play tennis and whatever it is the way your your your your muscle or your physical physiology shaped you have a quirky way of striking at serving a tennis ball or a certain way of throwing a bowl of bowling a bowling ball so what did what are you trained to do if it's like let's say tends to go to the left a little too much you train yourself to adjust adjust let's say your angle or your other things so it compensates for your no I'm trying it gonna change you because it's my very heart to change someone's natural habits but you can adjust just like when you see something's going a little too much to the left you adjust accordingly psychologically that's also a key thing knowing how to navigate and knowing how to navigate is the critical component in really building that self-confidence so if you're a person for example that your initial reaction is that you hesitate or you retreat or you're afraid for whatever reason and you know that again as I said you don't have to force it upon yourself but the shifts you have to make have to be direct portion to the areas where you feel weak so Nick in the area where we have that lack of that confidence you have to find things that validate which means getting involved at saying a project that's out of your comfort zone but you see you know what I'm working with people that are competent I'm learning from them it's like incubating you hang around with people that are better than you and something and you learn from them now I truly set the low self-confident person to say I don't want to hang around successful people because it makes me feel like a failure no laugh at me I will be clearing so I'd rather hang around losers that way it doesn't stand out again nobody makes any bumper stickers or business cards that announce I am a loser and I like to hang around losers but suddenly we make these little decisions you know you try to go you go to the places that you're more comfortable whereas when you're countering lack of self confidence but you want to really do is go into areas that you're not so comfortable but hang around people that are confident and what they do and and assist them help them there's nothing wrong every nobody nobody is born an expert in anything you learn from those that are good and you it rubs off and their confidence rubs off so these are things that we can actively do an ongoing basis and just needs a little creativity and a little attention figuring out where it is because it's very hard in a group of people to give specifics because each of us have our own little challenges but now to take a point yourself something to say you know what um you know that let's say you'd love to you love to play in a musical instrument but objectively people tell you you're never gonna do it whatever reason it's not natural to you it's too much difficult some people are more naturally inclined to it so you have to choose your battles too sometimes to put set your mind to something that's completely unrealistic that is not a sign of failure but that you're unable to do it it's just a sign of clarity again clarity of awareness where you should take upon yourself so the first thing is really to see and that's why an objective mentor can help in this regard where are your potential strengths that you've not yet really actualized and that can come with something that you in your own mind and feeling you feel you really could be good at you're not good at yet and the question that isn't what game plan can you make to be able to get there this is the process of growth and it's not about achieving perfection and it's not about suddenly becoming this super confident person from the none confidence it's about building like muscle conditioning nothing is done overnight you build you build as I said before small victories breeds bigger victories success breeds success small and untangling things leads to bigger untangling it is the rule of the game there's no reason to feel that you have to you have to cram it all and succeed won't succeed in one shot it's step by step by step and don't be afraid to make the mistake because that's one of the big fears of unfortunately children growing up in arms terror if I made a mistake my father's gonna come home and I was gonna kill me for it and you know as children we are terrified of these things I just remember some of my little fears and they're completely irrational you get older and I mean this is thank God it was only a one-time thing but I remember it I remember I was in summer camp and I was I was somewhat of a troublemaker not the worst type but disrupting disruptive force as they say today and I don't even remember what I did but one of the other counselors came over to me and and then says to me because of what you did you're gonna have to come to dinner tonight in your pajamas that's what he said you know and there's a little kid what is a 9 years old eight years old you know you don't think rationally I was like terrified I didn't call my parents I didn't call anyone because whatever children don't feel that they can call for help because they feel they're under the control of the spell that's part of the problem and I remember all day I can't tell you that was in dread you know those dreads which of course afterwards turned out to be completely you know basically didn't even remember what he said and I wasn't I was avoiding him I was thinking now think about the rest what it's a camp of 500 kids they're gonna have one guy sitting in the Punjab you know it's obviously ridiculous but that's what he told me and I I maybe it was important for me an experience to understand read a little because as since as I grow into an adult I make people who actually still have that dread to me it's a joke now I did by the way give it to that guy he got older I met him one day and I said I want to tell you something that you said to me when I was 9 years old and today I can protect myself and you know if I was a I would have punched him in his face if I was like a little more violent and didn't do that I just let him know he said I said that I said yeah hope you don't say to your own children and he didn't mean anything I don't even have any and I have one feeling a negative feeling you know he said if you threw out a lie but you never know children things are very different a little a little sound sounds to a child like a mite a major you know major earthquake the point I'm making is that these are the factors of our childhood that affect us and they can be completely ridiculous but they become embedded in our psyches and affects how we look at things so that is critical that is why it's so critical to counter it by inundating yourself with experiences that are exact opposite which means the most important thing for some who has not had so much love in their life is to have a lot of love in their life they'll say it's okay it's a catch-22 I don't feel like deserve love so how am I gonna have love when I grew up in a pool in a loveless situation again I'm just using extremes to make the point obviously we're all fitted somewhere in between and the answer is you know my friend is you have to force yourself doesn't sound gonna just come easy yeah you got to do something that is gonna get yourself out of your comfort zone doesn't come easy change like that and you have to identify that so fine we're not again we're not talking about doing something radical necessarily even though as I said at times that may not hurt you but under the guidance of someone that understands the dynamics of how people build their own confidence you find examples you'll find situations anybody here in this room or anyone listening wants examples you want to contact us to contact me I just need to hear more about your profile a little more about your life give you some suggestions but I guarantee you that if you really apply your mind to it you can find your own suggestions it's not that difficult if you're willing the difficulty is being willing not the dis if you're not willing then you know you don't show up you don't show up obviously nothing's gonna happen but being willing then comes the next step okay let me figure out don't hide behind and say I don't have any suggestions therefore it's not possible that's just a nice smokescreen of saying I'm afraid to enter there so there's no suggestion there's always suggestions there's no such thing as an impossible situation in this regard okay so let's talk about something even more fundamental now go a little deeper and this is really the best news of all and that is I guess if indeed we were people that did not have as a natural birthright self love and self trust the self confidence self esteem then you could say you know what if I didn't get into my childhood for my parents and I'm now living in a hostile workplace or a hostile world in general that's basically really I have to constantly play defense because people are critical and people are negative and people are selfish people are jealous and so on then you could you can make the philosophical argument that you know what ain't too bad you were dealt the wrong set of card deck of cards and now you got to live with it but that's not the case at all and this brings me back to a point I always make because to be is the key to all healing and I've said this to many therapists I've spoken to I always asked era purpose that I know and I some of them come to me for supervision or other discussions I said how much how much do you truly believe and so in the in the spirit the spirit of your client how much did you really believe in them and when people are honest sometimes they'll say I don't really believe that much I'm trying to create damage control make a little easier I say so you're taking money from a client you don't really believe are you telling them that as well that you don't really believe in them and there but the visibility of course now could I tell them that that's on their minds the whole thing but that would be like someone who you are paying to be your life coach or your personal coach and they don't really believe you're capable of doing what you're paying them to help you do so somewhat unethical some would say but I understand why some people feel that way because especially when you go with a we'll talk a freudian what I call Freudian Darwinian model of the human being so essentially that we're really the it'd in Freud's words is the driving force a wild untamed selfish pleasure-seeking force inside of you and then we can superimpose upon ourselves some type of civility ego and super-ego then basically we're trying to keep people at bay but really where the end of the day we're animals at heart we're beasts and just like you cannot stop an animal who's hunting for prey at the end of the day when human beings are pushed push comes to shove they're also that way and we see sometimes horrible ways human beings can treated mistreat each other when they're in desperate and that when they're desperate when they're dying from hunger when they're an avalanche and there's nothing to eat or they have to save their own skin we've seen it in the worst possible ways so if you make a case for the human being in that fashion then I don't know how really one can really build any self-confidence self-esteem you're living in a world where as I said survival of the fittest but here is the position that I've copy's the embrace that comes from the teachings of mysticism and the teachings of the soul that the human spirit or if you want to call the human soul whatever word you're comfortable with is fundamentally a secure confident self loving and self trusting entity and there's no reason for it not to complete have all the confidence in itself and it's respect for itself and the love for itself and it's only the anomaly we could say the aberration is is the fact that we live in a world and people who have somewhat distorted our own awareness of our true selves so really comes down who's the real you if the real you is just what the product of circumstances and those circumstances happened to be ones that that undermined and eroded your self-esteem and that's that's your story but if the real you is a fundamentally healthy entity that deserves and by his birthright has the power to be confident in itself because to use the words of the Mystics you are divinely ordained you are sent here on a purpose you have a divine purpose an indispensable mission to fulfill that you and only you can fulfill then it's a very different perspective and looking at yourself then the natural you is the confidence you and the rest is the aberration or the anomaly or the distortion so the key thing is to then in this cancer get bit get to know yourself because you'll say okay fine that sounds very good on paper but how could I be sure so my answer to that is and that's really one of the biggest objectives of this class and all my classes is get to know your real you now do you that projected you now do you that your parents may have taught you who you think who you are not that how do you that society says you are too real you can someone say that I really know who I am so you say where we begin you begin by studying and reading things that teach you what your soul looks like and you know what will happen it'll resonate that's the key we're not talking about someone's ideas oh great ideas resonance is the key everybody relates for example to these a few examples I'll give for this you enjoy music you enjoy a particular song you unplug you put on a headset you surround yourself with the music nobody's around what do you feel like when you're in the moment in the zone completely submerged completely surrounded by beautiful harmonies beautiful song you feel like you belong something's resonating you feel completely connected you don't feel a dichotomy between who you are and what you do between the subject and object and when you truly absorb you almost become oblivious to your surroundings so many people say wow that's true it happens but that's like a you know that's a moment of grace that's like a miracle how would you like to know that that's your natural state and the rest is the aberration when you spent nine months in your mother's womb no matter how dysfunctional your mother may have been and I'm saying she was or not but even if she was you were exactly nine months consider it consistently 24/7 submerged in the embryonic fluids which create a sense of belonging and it's not an accident that when we surrounded by music people will sometimes describe it as like being underwater I go to go into water we gravitate to water what does it feel like when you go into a bath or there an ocean a pool natural water you've gone underwater and you just feel a certain calm why is it calming so some biologists argue because since we were once amphibians like frogs and seals and whatever we were frog huh shark what crocodile jellyfish whatever you could decide so therefore we gravitate back to our roots which is amphibious roots I don't know maybe it's a nice theory but I would submit and this is based on the Kabbalistic mystical teachings we gravitate to water because we originate in water the embryonic fluids for nine months we were basically submerged in water and we were fed and drank and protected and everything our sustenance even our breathing everything came from that and a macrocosmic level the Mystics say the sages say that the universe began my embalm i am all submerged in water if you think about it's a collage eclis it means that you began with a very big head start you didn't were not thrust into a hostile world and go figure it out you were surrounded and protected what does that do to the human psyche that before we even emerged upon our birth sins of this world nine months we were completely protected now if that continues after we emerge from the womb and after the umbilical cord is cord is cut and our parents continue to maintain that type of nurturing then that continues to cultivate that confidence but you have it already inside of you because your soul by its virtue by virtue of its being is not an accident no one gave it to you so no one can take it from you that's the ultimate definition of self-confidence it's confidence being generated from within you ask anyone that values themselves people with high self-esteem and nothing to do with arrogance as a matter of fact the argument can made the most arrogant people are the people the lowest self-esteem and they compensate by their arrogance like I remember meeting a guy who's just a very difficult person and so I so on I wanted to know like what's what make it what makes this guy tick so so obsessed so a friend the mutual friend tells me he hides his his ignorance with his AG arrogance I found that to be very insightful was exactly right he hides his ignorance with his arrogance arrogance is usually a tool used by people to hide things that are missing so they suddenly come up here like supreme self-confidence self-confident people frankly the real ones you'll meet very humble it'll make big stuff about them can they have a measure very arrogant comes sometimes with the turf but it's not arrogance that defines them confident people have a sense from within their core that they are valuable that they've valuable not valuable as opposed that someone else is not valuable that they are important and their opinion matters and their position matters now this doesn't mean they can't be wrong and it doesn't mean that they could think and stand corrected but they have a sense of value sell value where's that coming from it does not just come from a pair parents can confirm it and validate it it comes from a sense of yourself that yourself is important enough to have been put in this world it's a line of my book toward a meaningful life which has resonated with many people and it obviously resonated with me that's why I wrote it and that is birth is God saying you matter I'll share a story that I shared from time to time it's a very moving story and one that I could say one of the most definitive moments in my life this is this episode when my book came out which was initially it came out of 1995 it's a long time ago before the war I just I'd like to say that I don't know what war for many wars those of us from the 20th century before the war was the Vietnam War or the world war 2 that's before my time but anyway so the book came out I was sent on a book tour by the publisher and first it started out 20 cities major cities and then it was very successful because the bookstore of people with usually put a book signing in those days I don't know how it is today 15 20 people is considered successful people coming out more like 80 90 so the publisher noticed so they began to they expanded my tour ended up being 90 cities I don't mean in a day if obviously meant over a period of two years so one of the cities I was at was st. Louis st. Louis Missouri Midwest and I remember the evening very well because besides for the story but it was the night that they had all the JCC's in the united states they had this memorial service for prime minister robin that would have been 96 the problem right who was assassinated so a big turnout so then evening in san luis there were probably two thousand people and since i was a speaker not because of the event this event captain later it was planned beforehand so a lot of people there can't say they all remains but i knew they didn't come to see me so was that necessarily fed my self-esteem just for the record as an aside i will just mention a few days earlier I was in Chicago and the Barnes and Noble and when I was entering I was giving my talk that evening as I was entering literally maybe five six hundred people were leaving now first I thought they're leaving because I'm coming is that when they're leaving then I find out I said what's going on he said Howard Stern was just here he has a previous talk and I said yeah interesting so Howard Stern this was the book he gave out I forgot the name but the cover of the book was him dressed in drag so I remember the manager says to me and that's they just finished hearing him so they're leaving as I said once you tell them that I'm here and actually says listen if you dressed like that I'm sure they'll stay I wasn't ready to do that okay so just for the record in case you're wondering how disruptive I can be that's a line I want okay Keith does that sways your fears okay anyway they said that some in the st. Louis give me my talk I get back to New York a little while later and I received this letter email just the early days of email but I remember almost word-for-word what the letter said and you'll see why in a moment so letter the woman a woman write from a woman she writes I was in the audience hearing you listening to you speak that other evening st. Louis I was gonna come over but there was a long line and then I didn't feel comfortable anyway so I decide I'll put it in words she writes and brace yourself listen to this she writes I'm a 47 year old executive working in a prominent firm in st. Louis I'm home owned and well respected and by any account I'd be considered a success story I have a - executive position make good money well connected growing influential but the fact is that beneath the veneer of success lies a woman and lays a woman in shreds you see my soul was murdered when I was a young child in the abusive home I grew up where I endured ongoing violation emotionally psychologically sexually and I'm basically a wreck my self-loathing wreck and I've tried all types of therapy nothing really works relationships are just a mess I don't trust anyone I constantly test people test people and therefore people don't trust me and I basically resigned myself to my lot which is and I will never I'm damaged goods and what do people like me do when we don't have inner control we create outer control I became super ambitious I'm driven I'm successful you know and it seems like I'm on top of everything I'm in control of everything when I'm not in control of anything extra and I do and we have suicidal thoughts I wake up every morning and I just take a day by day I breathe in go to work awesome just go to sleep crying and not sleeping and I have given up hope you come to town to st. Louis and I was an audience and if someone had given me a copy of your book a few weeks earlier toward a meaningful life someone at work I'm Jewish but not observant not affiliated I have no connection to any think one of the reasons is because my family was not observant but they were Jewish and I just cut off from anything of that nature it's all toxic to me and I was really your book just living through it not expecting I would read it but the line jumped out at me and the way this is she put away she put it like a silver bullet between the eyes it resonated the deep chord inside of me and the line was birth is God saying you matter and I read it again this is all her letter birth is God saying you matter and I read it a third time birth is God saying you matter and I'll read it the rest of my life I don't know why but suddenly at age 47 I realized something I never knew that despite what my parents did to me despite what society does to you undermines your your self value despite what society what business sees you as just a statistic on someone's balance sheet and that your measured by your looks by your youth by your performance by your buying power by your social status despite all that I matter to the one that matters most God and the mere fact that I was born and that I exist on this earth regardless what anybody else says or thinks means that God says you're my child I love you you're indispensable you have something to accomplish then you and only you can accomplish as you write in that chapter of birth and then she concludes a letter like this which you can consider to be eloquent and forewarned under the circumstances she says so though I have many years to heal but the first time my life I have hope this is the way she put it what I need to do is to create bypass surgery to bypass the infected arteries that were violated and which was contaminated by my life experiences and reconnect to that pure moment at birth with God put me here and said you're my child I love you unconditional then she finally concludes and writes so thank you for giving me back my life this is the letter you understand when I received this letter I remember I was weeping I couldn't have stopped crying first of all a woman's sharing a complete stranger sharing with me she doesn't know me such a sacred confidence I actually went back to read the chapter myself because you know when you write a book when you write it it's yours once it's out there it's it's the readers people read what they read into it and I wanted to see it then that way and I actually appreciated it very differently obviously I looked at that line and I saw the different lines and I saw I would affect her so I really was very do moving to me firstly that I could have such impact wasn't me because obviously I was conveying teachings that come from my teacher a mentor and the teachers before us thousands of years of resonating truths and it resonated and it affected her in this profound way probably more than affected me I wrote her back I remember I wrote her back sharing that I offer my friendship in any way I could help you thank you for writing you know are just some kind words and I asked her permission to tell the story and she gave me permission and I've told it probably I would say over a hundred thousand people probably heard from me directly over the years maybe even more I've written about it she thought she asked me nothing's to tell her name because she said I'm sure people who have similar experiences will want to contact me or they want to show compassion to me so just don't and I still maintain kind of connection with her it's a number of years she's no longer now retired and she still struggles but she unbelievable person and I've written her more than once we've written back and forth I've written her a few years later I wrote that I wrote her I said I want to thank you because you've given me a new appreciation of something I never really I took for granted I said I started asking audiences you know do you really matter I would ask people say do you really matter and of course people get a giggle and a chuckle and this people think is like a silly question of course I matter what do you mean I have a bunch of plaques hanging on my wall a family that adore me are people who I paid to worship me you know whatever it is I get honored of course I matter we have healthy ego so I rephrase the question I say let's put it this way if you were never born would it make a difference to anybody if you were never born would anybody be expected would anybody feel it's a tragedy remember if you're not no one knows you're here so you don't know as you're coming so why would it be a disappointment if you don't show up once we're here circumstantially we feel that we matter and we're valuable because I'm once I'm here I'm gonna justify my existence but do you really have cosmic value do you really are you really indispensable in a world of seven billion people and each one of those people have 75 trillion cells and we're not gonna get into all the species in the world and how many grains of sand exist you really value or you just circumstantially you're valuable to your family and to those that you love and maybe you have made an impact and done good things and I could tell you many people get a little queasy when I ask that question if you were never born would it make a difference and I would go even a step further and I wrote this to her I said you know I even developed a theory that many people maybe their drive for success whether there's ambition at work whether it's making money whether it's other conquests maybe is masking and an unconscious fear that we really don't matter after all so we have to find ways to make sure that we do and leave our mark like the Pharaohs of old they want to make sure that there's something eternal and I continued and I said to her you know I have to thank you because sometimes it takes the clips of the Sun to appreciate sunlight I grew up I'm the oldest of five children I'm talking about myself you know the oldest little spoil probably asked my siblings because the advantage of being oldest is that your siblings go to therapy for you and you don't have to go to therapy about them that's but you know you become like a surrogate and once your father passes away they protect you my brothers and sisters will forgive me they will they have a good dose of self confidence so but I took for granted you know my parents no parents are perfect but they treated me nicely and I nurtured me they made me feel special so is that the reason I matter because my parents told me they loved me and they validated me and what happens if one day they wake up god forbid and they say you know what you're not that valuable as we thought you were so then my stocks go down is it dependent on other people's validation even good people they say you did not have that luxury because no one told that to you they told you the exact opposite and you came to the truth that only the eclipse of the Sun can come to and that is that you matter not because of what people tell you even people who love you you medical is you fundamentally matter because God's birth is God's saying you matter that's the real reason then you have a fundamental value because you exist and you're here on this earth it's all that matters it makes no difference what you look like that day and how much you perform or not perform as she put it so well now if you have parents and friends and community that validate that grade that come on then it's tremendous because then you have not just your inherent value but you also have others acknowledging but that is the real truth of where real confidence comes from and it was from her that I learned that because without that you know you can convince yourself it's other factors you know you're successful with this successful of that but when you hear her story it makes a divot you can fail at everything and you still have absolute value and that helped ton help me understand something that I seen in my life I've seen people blessed with everything with health with wealth with with good looks good education and they could be miserable people and then I see people who grew up in poverty and with no privileges and many challenges and yet they have a certain profound refinement I'm not saying mutually exclusive but it tells you something that has nothing to do circumstance don't define your life you could have the best and completely feel empty and have no confidence and you can have an external that are seemingly deprived of everything and be extremely confident person I've seen this I've seen people who really struggle financially struggle with other things health-wise I mean I know a fellow he's in California suffering from Lou Gehrig's disease he has nothing left except his eyes as far as movement goes the loving wife and children you have to see this man spirit it's almost I went to visit him I couldn't believe it he's literally a vegetable practically yeah he has the spark on the eye and he and they figured as a technology with his eyes he's able to type on screen he has a sense of humor and he's actually a musical guy and I watched videos of him he was a dancer I mean he was like a really vibrant individual and I say to myself how can he and he had challenges I heard from friends that it wasn't easy but he made a decision he wants to dance that he wants to be at his children's weddings why would he deprive them of that and I see cuz he's not focused on himself and his conference he's focused on the happiness of others and the love that he gives not the love that he receives you see these ingredients now do we need to wait for something like that happens god forbid but it teaches you are we really appreciating what we really are or we appreciate the externals the sizzle and gotcha bless us all we should have everything should have the externals and the internal but if someone have to say where is it really originated from confidence and success people say give me enough money and I'll have all the self confidence in the world does anyone really believe that actually have anything many people believe that cousin are crazy minds we think you can buy it but it doesn't happen doesn't happen that's what it works there's actually nothing that someone can give you that will give yourself confidence by the way not gifts not money not anything even health these are all beautiful gifts but they're not what's gonna give yourself confidence is when you learn that you were put here and that you have value before you came to this world and they were sent on a mission and that that godly mission gives you indispensability nobody can give that to you no money in the world is indispensable everything dies everything physical is going to erode and we're down nothing nobody has yet figured out I take one penny with them to the next universe the next world so we value it it's valuable here it has a lot of power no one denies that but permanence and who would have written a script that are people like the Jewish people after they what they suffered would would survive at all well it was with money with empires and wasn't just intelligence it was because when you have the core spirits and you're in touch with it you are indestructible that's the word I want to use indestructible it's a fact the odd thing is that challenges and difficulties bring out indestructibility in us more than comforts when you're comfortable we become apathetic and you start valuing the things that really are not the forces that void the fuel that gives you confidence start valuing the external conference its odds you start saying to yourself why should that be that way why can't I appreciate it so this is another discussion that requires another class but the point I want to make is that each one of us and this really gets to the core of it and I spoke earlier tools how to compensate how to build but then the dates really comes down to believing in yourself and that's part of also being around people that believe in you you don't deserve people who don't believe in you in your life what do you need people and I'm not taking away from them they may have a great value but when you free time you feel inspired you make a phone call and if people tell you don't get so excited I was there already and they throw cold water and make sure that you they kill all your inspiration what do you need that for so I'm not suggesting throughout all these these so-called friends of yours but maybe add a few others you have a little more time for people when you call them they say oh wow that's a great idea and they encourage you and they say go for it I'm ready to help you that's what we need around us that's what we need we live in a world where there's too much of the other voice that's what we need and and there and they're out there and more poorly not only do we need that we need to be that way for people do you ever think to yourself are you a person on people like to hang around you give off positive energy like you know people or people may want to avoid you to give off negative energy I know it's not a comfortable thing to ask yourself mirror mirror on the wall am I like toxic or what you know and most people are not gonna tell you gonna go to your friend said co-op I say hey tell me do you like to be around me who's gonna tell you actually I hate being around you I'm glad you asked you know usually what you're gonna hear so you know that's maybe a little more sensitive topic to be able to self appraisal on that sense but that's what we need energy positive energy brings a positive energy you'll see people that are successful people people have a successful attitude I should say people have self-confidence what do they do when you're around them unless you run away from there you're afraid because of your own issues they help you build confidence that's how it is you know I was never in the military but I hear people who are on teams like that and it could be in sports or other things as well there's something that you feel when you see a veteran you see someone who's went through it and they really are driven you feel like you're in the hands of a master and when you feel that there's something that's very powerful that's what really has children we should be feeling from our parents but in case we didn't have that or even if we had that flew sense since when do we not need the same dose when we're adults that's what we need and it's not common because we live in a business world there are many people like this at home they're that way when you get to the business world you become a shark because everybody's a shark around you well maybe it's time to begin to introduce a little heart and soul even in the workplace even in the raw capitalistic money business world I'm not saying to be become become some of that people will abuse but maybe it's time for comfort and people among us to give all of that energy I think I've mentioned this a few times it was also with my book when it came out top executor I don't say his name because for confidential reasons but I got to know him because there was a CBS was doing a show on this class actually and they they found out his name and I met him as well and he told me that since I got your book and he was known as a real tough negotiator a real sob in business and so on yeah you know the term yeah yeah why I didn't spell it out the rabbi can say I hope you know huh so so he tells me I met him he tells me that that since he read the book he decided because in the book there's a chapter on business how do you so-called spiritual eyes your business like how do you spiritual eyes any part of your life one of the suggestions was to have a charity box in your office and from time to time throwing a few pennies so he decided to do that why not he had a charity box and he had some top you know high-powered meetings and he made it a custom that I then do the meaning he gave everybody a few coins and everybody put in some cherry wasn't the amount it was the gesture he said meetings started to change cuz people start saying what's it why are we doing that you know this is a business deal no even ethical business deal business is business why do we suddenly and he said because we're introducing something I'll shift it's a little heart and soul about that we are here to give not just to take and then he decided to start giving out the books he has a few cases in his office and started giving he says it changed my life values I always had but it wasn't that permeating my business world you know when I came home I was a nice guy maybe not so nice but and work was a tough guy doing what I have to do I trust I was ethical but still I you know this is businesses business pleasures pleasure he says I brought salt and really changed my life and I thought about it was a very you know to me that's like tremendous thing even though you could say what dramatically really changed no but these are qualitative shifts that changed the world because capitalism and money are not meant to be soulful that's why I find it always so interesting even ironic of all the countries in the world the only one that has on their carnist currency the epitome of materialism in god we trust' it smell amazing it's not a prayer book it's not a Bible it's not a religious service money I'll put it up every coin every dollar bill every 100 whatever currency it is and god we trust' nowhere in the world and you don't forget about it separation of church and state I don't know to meet sometimes divine providence that demonstrates that someone seems to sense that's what we really need we need a little and I'm not talking about the god of other people that is a god of destruction or violence we're talking about obviously the love trust and God We Trust if you can trust in God then you can trust in the soul the divine soul that's inside of you and of all places it reminds us of all place like I said in our on our currency so you may not have God and you're warned your house but if you have it your money and you like money you're gonna have more gods and maybe we should learn the message the lesson so my friends it's much to say on this topic and I always feel on these type of topics you always want to say more because such a important key topic but the main thing to say is that you have what you need inside of you there's no book there's no commodity there's no product that's gonna give it to you there may be books that inspire that help you cultivate that but you have it in you you have that right and interesting the founding fathers in the Declaration of Independence they said it they said all men I would say all people are created equal and have inalienable divine rights endowed to them by the divine the pursuit of happiness the pursuit of whatever the lines are there the point is that if they understood that it comes from a greater place so nobody could take it away from you because no one gave it to you because they argue they could have said well people are born equal or people are equal why didn't have to use the word created created as creator and today that would be forget about that debates would be raging and the word de divine so I never saw this anywhere but I assume because they were wise enough to understand because if it's not going to be clearly spelled out that it's an act of God then people could say hey I gave you these rights and I could take them away from you once you attribute it to the divine that's it it's it's absolute and there's nobody in the world can say to the point that it was built in the Declaration of Independence even though the founding fathers had slaves and even though the other type of so called human abuses but they built in a statement that would ultimately undermine their own business interests because they put in that all people are equal all people created by God I'll just conclude on a specific aims to mind and a humorous side humorous note the same idea and once asked they was it an insurance attorney I said the thing with this whole agnostic and atheist different court cases going on in the country about prayer in the schools or you know all these different stories about displays of any type of religious displays in public areas how come nobody like is challenging this statement that you find in every contract in every insurance policy rather that this policy covers this damage that damage but not let's say winds or earthquakes and other acts of God they always read acts of God why don't they write natural disasters or natural acts it's an eternity what is the something God saw me in the picture so he said smilingly which is exactly what I was leading up to he said to me because if we'd say nature then they could be an argument who's supposed to who's responsible for nature but if you blame it on God I'm not God you're not God so that's not my problem then sir we'll say you say nature you could say one second you our search to take an account that Natan there could be natural things so suddenly when we need a scapegoat especially a financial out God is a very convenient one to blame or as the Angel of Death when when when the world was created the Angel of Death came to God and said why you're giving me this job people will hate me for being death to this world so God said don't worry about it they'll blame heart attacks cancer diabetes other things I'll never blame you or me they'll find some anyway just a little humorous my friends I for one was educated and taught and I believe it about myself and I believe it equally about you that we do not know who has the greatest soul sitting in this room right now or anyone on this planet these are divine mysteries but I do know without question that life is not worth it unless we respect and recognize then each of us has absolute dignity and Majesty in our being and in our life journey and that everything that happens you in your life is part of that dignity yes we can make mistakes can correct our mistakes but never ever give up on yourself and give up on the fundamental indispensability of your life because the fact is that you matter now and forever every of one of your actions matters now forever and you are indispensable because what you can accomplish no one that ever lived no one that ever will live can do what you have to do if you can tell that to yourself every morning and every evening and as many times that you need to remind yourself it is the key and just like exercise you can't say exercise a month ago it's gonna work for today every day just like you need to breathe every minute every minute every moment you need to eat and drink you need to you need to reinforce and reinvent that was where don't say val rien revalidate this statement again and again because we're not living in a neutral world there are forces all around us that attack the statement that I just said nobody's gonna put up a billboard in The Times Square anywhere birth is God saying you matter because why would they spend money what products would you have to buy for that purpose there's nothing to buy you already have it you matter because God put you here so why would anyone so no one's gonna make that announced you have to announce it to yourself everybody else is gonna try to get a piece of you and try to convince you that you're valuable if you do this you eat that you drink that you're smokers you don't smoke you look like that you look like that but the answer is it's in you so that's a very fitting to our organization that I have the honor to lead which is meaningful I've sent a meaningful life and you have a meaningful life an absolutely meaningful life God should bless you all and should you find your navigational tools to to navigate the vicissitudes the twists and turns but know with full confidence that you can make it and know that you have my vote of confidence as well and I hope you have I have yours so until next Wednesday everybody have a very confident self-esteem saturated week and if you want it anyway to be in touch if you want to as I said run by any ideas just feel free to contact us meaningful are calm is very easy to reach us or send us your email address now you know we're on all the channels Facebook YouTube I don't want to start listing them all because I don't even know all myself I just know that today you have to use all the channels because you never know how do you reach people everyone have a very very blessed week thank you does everybody feel a little more self confident now than when you came in as the key I was doing Chile I was in Peru me or my brother

Channel: Rabbi Simon Jacobson at Meaningful Life Center

Views: 3,149

Rating: 4.9080458 out of 5

Keywords: rabbi simon jacobson, kabbalah, chassidus, self esteem, confidence, self confidence

Id: pcBB8rLLg7o

Length: 87min 37sec (5257 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 09 2017