Madame Web - A New Low (Review)

this video is brought to you by private internet access just a few weeks ago at the end of my review for the new Mean Girls movie I mentioned how 2024 could only go uphill from there and here we are with Madame web I've been excited for Madame Webb since the iconic trailer dropped where we were blessed with the line he was in the Amazon with my mom when she was researching spiders right before she died a line that I hate to break the news is not even in the movie but it's okay because there are at least a dozen other lines that are even crazier than that one before I get too excited let me just come right out and say I think this might be the worst movie I've seen since Noah sentino is swiped that is saying a lot so let's unpack that let's unpack Madame Webb Madame Webb is the latest entry into the Sony Cinematic Universe it tells the story of a New York City paramedic named Cassandra Web and what happens when she starts seeing glimpses of the future it's literally just that so raven it's it's just shitty that so raven basically and it stars Dakota Johnson so let's start there you see I can't get a read on Dakota Johnson as an actor or as a person really I I can never tell how serious she's being both on and off screen whatever it is that she's doing I love it it's it's hilarious to me and whoever's idea it was to cast her as a lead in a superhero film even more hilarious because her whole thing to me at least is this dry kind of nonchalant delivery nothing is serious to her but nothing's a joke either a kind of acting style that immediately feels wildly out of place the second she shows up in this film you can actually almost see Adam Scott slowly start to act more like her the deeper into the film you get and can't blame him because how the hell are you supposed to do these scenes with someone delivering lines like that by being on this wavelength for a film on a completely separate wavelength she kind of turns this movie into something I've never really seen before I can't categorize this as a superhero movie it feels like something more bizarre than that the worst performance here by far is tahar rahee as Ezekiel Sims I don't doubt he's a great actor outside of this but they did something with him here that is inexcusable something was off it sounded like ADR which is fine that happens it is some of the worst ADR I've heard in recent years which is crazy to see from such a massive Studio but moving on what really confused me was the fact that it wasn't just that first scene that seemed like it was an ADR it was every single scene of his literally I counted at one point I want to say there were maybe three lines of his that felt somewhat normal there were even scenes in the back half where he was walking around and his mouth wasn't moving but he was talking did they just not get any takes of him speaking was the audio that messed up for an $80 million movie maybe I zoned out and there's a reason why he sounds like this or why his mouth doesn't move but Jesus Christ once you notice it it makes every scene of his hilarious it looked kind of sketchy but not as sketchy as prying eyes of hackers internet service providers and others that can view your personal data which is why I want to thank this week's sponsor private internet access private internet access is the world's most transparent VPN provider with over 30 million downloads they never record or store any user data and their no logs policy has been proven multiple times in court and by a thirdparty audit in deoe what is a VPN great question it's a virtual private Network which is an app that hides your IP address and safeguards your internet connection through an encrypted tunnel that way it Shields your Digital Life from the eyes of those that are looking to exploit your private information but the best part is that it comes with loads of entertainment benefits because of this private internet access allows you to change your geolocation which is how you can 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keeps getting crazier the longer it goes on he was in the Amazon with my mom already interesting researching spiders now we're talking right before she died heartbreaking it's a threea structure really and like I said this line isn't even in the film but that's kind of how the dialogue operates here it just Trails off and feels like it never ends even when the dialogue does flow correctly the lines themselves are just ridiculous like there's a line at one point where Dakota Johnson is feeling kind of lonely and she's going through a box of her belongings and she says to herself hope the spiders were worth it Mom I I think I'm under selling it but but how can you not laugh a little bit at that line just Dakota Johnson alone in a room in what's supposed to be a pretty emotional scene saying hope the spiders were worth it comma mom my personal favorite that I was laughing about even on the ride home was when Dakota Johnson enters her apartment she's preoccupied with some document her cat meows and she goes 1 second cat did they not have the time to give the cat a name is the cat's name cat do people refer to their pets that way plus she's delivering it in that Dakota Johnson way that's like everything about this is normal there's no urgency to this situation one second cat there's a moment where she's seeing a doctor about this whole situation and the doctor's advice is and I quote get some rest watch old movies doesn't seem that weird at first but think about that line for a second when has a doctor ever just been like you should specifically watch old movies not even you should it's like a command she just said watch old movies these lines I'll admit the more I explain it maybe it's not that strange on the surface but when you think about them for a second when they come into the movie when you see someone say it in a scene you start to realize there there are not a ton of normal interactions in this movie and it's amazing the movie is set in 2003 an aspect they put astonishingly little effort into for a second it seems like their only reference is Beyonce there's like two different Beyonce posters and you have to wonder is that the only thing they remember from 2003 anyway I think we've established that the writing and dialogue here is ridiculous if I had access to the film and could quote it directly I'd be going all day these are just a few examples out of many many many lines that I thought were insane but let's talk about the technical aspects for an $80 million superhero flick you'd expect it to at least be sort of a spectacle even Venom Venom which isn't great was like interesting to look at I thought Venom himself looked kind of cool but no oh no absolutely not the big climax of this film is one of the most hideous things I've ever seen are they even trying with the green screen anymore it's more noticeable than it's ever been it feels like we're going downhill it's distracting and ugly and most importantly disorienting it's one thing to look hideous but when I have no clue where we are in the scene that's a bigger problem there's no sense of space the edit is beyond choppy the of digital zooms and pans it's absurd it makes it hard to feel invested in anything happening on screen there's no sense of scale to it which is that not why people who are fans of this even watch these movies isn't that the whole appeal actually no more importantly is this even a superhero movie sorry spoiler alert I guess but are we really at a point where you don't get to see the main character be a superhero until the final 30 seconds I know it's the first film and it's mostly to set up a bunch of other movies it just seems so pointless and backwards and unfulfilling to me these origin films films that were supposed to turn into trilogies and franchises they used to be special they used to be the best one now they're just pieces to a bigger thing why do people like these movies what's the joy in just constantly watching setups for years so you can eventually scream a little bit in theater for a few seconds how depressing what else it sounds terrible maybe this is just my theater but the mix here is God awful there are two separate needle drops to early 2000 songs both of which are mixed so low that it just sounds awkward and unsatisfying the whole scene with toxic the beat of the song is super janky cuz it's playing over the score of the film on top of all these other action noises it's like it's a mess the camera work oh man I almost forgot near the beginning of this they randomly choose to do this like handheld crash Zoom style like you see in the office or succession they do that for the opening action scene for some reason and they do it for about 10 minutes and then never do it again it's like a different director entirely it adds nothing to the scene if anything it's distracting and again a little disorienting guys I'm serious this is one of the worst movies I've seen in a in a very long time but let's wind down a bit by talking about that I've seen a handful of bad movies these last few years Mean Girls Exorcist believer Thor Jurassic world Dominion but looking back at it those were all total slogs to get through they were boring movies this on the other hand is on another level this is my favorite kind of bad movie it's a lot of people's favorite kind of bad movie because it's it's so bad that it becomes a pretty good time every scene in this thing had something new to offer a new offensively bad choice to wrap my head around I didn't even get into the whole like table dance thing Sydney Sweeney and her gang go like stand up on a diner table and dance for some boys but they're dancing so awkwardly it's so great there's a long scene where Dakota Johnson's teaching them how to do CPR and it goes on for so long it's it's weird the reveal of Madame web's superpower which is built up as this huge thing ends up being the most underwhelming superpower I've ever seen in a film just the ghost of her helping out the girls it was a fascinating 2 hours and in 15 years when this gets the midnight screening treatment you bet your ass I'll be seated I will happily watch this again at the end of the day I was a little bit happy to see that this is where we're at with superhero movies I know that this side of the genre operates on a different level compared to whatever they got going on at Marvel and DC but damn is this hilarious I never saw morbius is that is that bad as bad as this cuz Jesus I hope this genre is on its way out because if this is the best they can come up with these days why even bother I took away anything from this experience it's that New York City is a whole new level of crazy these days and that's what I have to say thanks for watching please go watch Madam web and form your own opinion and I'll see you in the next one [Music] oh

Channel: Karsten Runquist

Views: 251,484

Keywords: Karsten Runquist, Movie, Film, Filmmaking, Video Essay, Films, Cinema, Oscars, New, Movies, Explained, Ending, Review, Theory, Let Me Explain, Madame Web, Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Marvel, Spider-man, spiderman, morbius, venom, sony, cinematic universe, MCU, Deadpool, Comic Book, Comics, Superhero, Bad, Rant, Horrible, Cats, 2024

Id: Ketm6V-aeK0

Length: 11min 18sec (678 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 15 2024